Camelot

Since the argument with Gaius, Merlin had felt initially washed out. He was so sure that on this occasion he was in the right, that the fact that Gaius had been so offhand with him, had left feeling somewhat deflated. He understood that Gaius was merely trying to protect him, but he also knew from previous experience just how lonely coming to terms with magic could be.

He identified with Morgana's feelings at this stage. How it left you questioning yourself about the smallest of details. How you ended up feeling totally alone, and so far from those that you loved. It wasn't so long ago that Merlin himself had felt all this and more. He knew he could not desert Morgana in her hour of need. He at least had his mother, even if Hunith couldn't properly understand his fears.

He'd had someone who was always there for him, to comfort him and give him a little bit of love that at least helped stopped him going over into the abyss. Morgana on the other hand had no such person. He didn't doubt that Gwen did everything she could for her mistress and more. But Gwen did not have magic, so she could not really understand the pain and isolation that magic brought with it. Especially to those who were only just beginning their journey with it.

Even now Merlin felt as if he hadn't got anywhere near to discovering the true meaning of his powers. So for a novice like Morgana just starting her experience with it, he did not have to imagine the fears that she was going through, at this moment in time.

There was another powerful feeling about it that almost excited Merlin. While he would never confess his own magic as of now, a happy thought lingered in his overactive mind. Suppose by helping Morgana now, this would mean that one day he could confess his own magic to her? For once he would have someone whom he could talk too. It could hopefully bring the two of them together united by their shared powers.

Together they could help the other understand what each of them was going through. He smiled at the thought, in all of his life this was the one thing that Merlin had always longed for. Someone to share magic with, someone who truly could appreciate what it felt like, to have such powers at their finger tips.

With another day over, Merlin began the task of blowing out the candles, awaiting Gaius's return from visiting the King. Since they argued and while Merlin was still convinced his viewpoint was the right one, he was anxious not to take the argument too far with Gaius himself. Apart from anything else the young warlock would be lost without his guidance to rely on. He knew on most things they tended to agree. Merlin sighed thinking back to the day he arrived in Camelot. Back then life seemed so much simpler some how.

Just as he made his way to go up the steps to his room, the door burst open and a very white Lady Morgana strided into the room. Merlin was shocked with how pale and ghostly she looked. She looked around the room anxiously.

"Where is Gaius?" she asked her eyes wide and pleading.

"He is visiting the King at the moment. He'll be back shortly I'm sure." Merlin tried to reassure her.

"I need to speak to him now." she insisted her eyes sought Merlin's pleading with him.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Merlin asked suddenly desperate to help her. He assumed something else had happened, but didn't want to assume it to her so he waited for her to supply the details to him.

"I-" she began hesitantly, her eyes fluttering shut and her whole manner suddenly unsure.

"You can trust me Morgana, please talk freely." Merlin said trying to catch her eye and appear supportive.

"I just want someone to tell me I am not going mad. I feel so lost, I don't know what is happening to me anymore." she said her voice ending in a sob.

It broke Merlin's heart to see the lovely brave Lady Morgana going to pieces in front of him. He longed to hug her and tell her she was going to be fine, but to his consternation something deep inside him kept himself from going over to her all the way.

As he watched her frailty he suddenly felt unable to cope in the way he wanted. Perhaps this was too big for him after all. The magic side of it was fine for him, but suddenly he sensed another part of it, the mentality. He could sense her desperation in every movement she made, and it tensed him.

"I think it's magic, but every time I mention it to Gaius he just gives me another potion. They don't help I don't want anymore remedies I just want someone to listen to me." she cried. "You're my friend Merlin you know I wouldn't make this up."

Merlin reddened no longer sure about how to help her, as he watched her emotional mood increase. Part of him felt a coward for withdrawing the other part felt totally inadequate to tell her what she wanted to hear. For a second he stood on the spot quiet, trying to think of something helpful to say.

"Yes of course." he said increasingly looking away from her as he did so.

"Then you believe me?" she asked suddenly interested, her voice sounding eager and hard as a result. "You think it's magic too?"

Merlin suddenly felt paralysed and unable to react. He could feel a massive lump in his throat as he stared at the desperate longing in Morgana's eyes to her question. It was too much for him, he no longer felt able to cope with her mood and began to back away from her, not wanting to admit what she wanted to hear.

As he backed away he could see her approaching him, still waiting for an answer. Suddenly they were almost standing eye to eye, and never before had Merlin wanted Gaius to walk back through the door more than this moment.

"Please Merlin I just want some to say that I'm not imagining things, that I'm not going mad." she appealed to him tears glistening in her eyes as she did so.

To Merlin it was like a scene from his own childhood as he ran to Hunith's arms begging her to tell him that he was no monster. Morgana just wanted the same assurances, so why was it suddenly so hard for him to do that? But his courage as well as his words had failed him. Suddenly the thought of the two of them facing magic together came into his mind, telling him to tell her what she wanted to hear.

Come on he thought to himself three little words I believe you and all her misery would disappear, and they would be able to help each other through it all. It was suddenly so appealing, and yet ultimately he was still unable to do it. Something held him back, deep in his mind, a fear, a dread whatever the words did not come. All he could do was stare at her a look of compassion on his face, but that was no good for Morgan.

She stood looking at him for a minute pain written on her face, as the tears started she ran from the room, but not before giving Merlin one last desperate look from the door, that tore his heart in two.

"Morgana, wait." he called after her reaching the door, but her footsteps were already running across the corridor and back to the shelter of her chambers. All Merlin could do was curse his lack of moral courage and support, in the very moment that Morgana had required it.

It was a moment that would ever haunt Merlin to the end of the his days. Suddenly he felt totally demoralized tired of waiting for Gaius he ran up to his bed and threw himself down on top of it. Damn the world he suddenly thought the secrets that he was forever being forced to hide. When would he ever be able to share himself truthfully with his friends? Some times magic could be a beautiful thing, but tonight it was back to being a utter curse to him.

After a restless night in which Merlin had struggled to find much sleep, his thoughts were clearer about what he could do. Having failed miserably at helping Morgana, he suddenly decided he would seek the advice of the dragon. As a result of Morgana's attack patrols had increased in and around the castle. Therefore Merlin had to choose his moment carefully to go downstairs, having managed to get passed a couple of guards, he picked a lighter off the wall and descended down the steps quickly. Having arrived in the cave and being unable to see the dragon after a quick look around in the darkness, he decided to call him.

"Hello." he shouted. He had to wait a minute before it arrived. It sat in front of him regarding him with an interested face.

"I need your help do you no where the Druids are?" Merlin asked.

"First." the dragon replied lazily. "You must tell me why you seek them."

Merlin felt really impatient did he really have to know everything he thought to himself. "That doesn't matter." he replied.

"It does to me." the dragon snapped back at him.

Merlin was reluctant to tell the dragon the full story in case he urged him to not get involved. But he realised he would have to say something.

"I need to ask them something." he replied evasively.

The dragon looked at Merlin closely throwing himself forward to emphasise his words. There was a snarl to his voice.

"I've lived more than a thousand years, watched civilizations rise and fall, do not imagine that you can lie to me!"

"I need their help." Merlin admitted, cursing the time it was taking to get anything from the dragon.

The dragon merely stared at Merlin determined not to say anything until he heard more from him.

Merlin sighed. "Some one I care about needs their help." As Merlin stood staring at the dragon he suddenly wondered why he hadn't mentioned Morgana by name, but something made him not do it.

For a second or two the dragon remained looking at Merlin saying nothing. Merlin longed to know what was going through the dragon's mind, he knew something was though.

"You speak of the witch the Lady Morgana." the dragon replied.

Merlin was stunned by what the dragon had just said, how on earth had the dragon come to that conclusion he wondered. He felt insulted for Morgana.

"She is not a witch she is my friend." Merlin exclaimed back determined to stand up for her.

"She cannot be trusted." the dragon replied totally unbothered by the outraged tone of Merlin's words.

"What makes you say that?" Merlin asked genuinely intrigued by the comment.

The dragon though chose to ignore his question. "It would be better if the witch."

"Stop calling her that." Merlin shouted suddenly tired of the dragon's attitude to her. He gulped as he realised he had shouted to the dragon, but in this instance he had deserved it. All of the same he looked slightly concerned at it.

"It would be better if the witch never learnt of the true extent of her powers." the dragon continued as if he'd never been interrupted.

"You're wrong." Merlin said. He felt the dragon's words were insanely unfair on her. He had probably never even seen her, so how could he know what she was really like? "I know her, she has a good heart."

"You have failed to heed my words in the past and it brought grave consequences." the dragon replied unrepentant.

Merlin felt as if he'd been stung by the words, knowing them to be right. But sometimes you had to do what was right, even if it meant going against the people who meant a lot to you, and in this case Merlin was willing to do so. After how he'd behave the other night, he could not leave Morgana to face her problem alone. He knew he had to do something.

"I won't abandon her." Merlin said eyeing the dragon determinedly.

His words unmoved the dragon though. "If you take this course of action you do so alone."

Merlin looked up at the dragon as he took in its words, he nodded it seemed that was the end of the conversation. Merlin turned on his heels and headed out with not another look at the dragon. In truth he felt let down by it, it was always the same he would never be open with him. He still couldn't believe the dragon's hard opinion on Morgana, and wondered where it came from.

Yet as he made his way back to his chambers he remembered again how he was himself unable to actually say the words that Morgana needed that night. Something had stopped him, and still he did not have a clear idea of why that was.

He shook his head sadly, but soon snapped out of it. If the dragon would not help Morgana than he would himself. He picked up his bag and made for Arthur's chambers, suddenly focused on finding out a way that would bring some peace to his friend's mind.

Upon arriving in Arthur's chambers the Knight Leon was already there with Arthur, going through some paperwork on the table. Merlin made himself busy anxious to blend into the back ground. As he worked away polishing some of Arthur's armour he overheard Leon.

"This is a list of the suspected names and last addresses ." Leon explained.

Arthur looked at them. "My father thinks the fire was started by sorcery."

"I've heard sire. On the list I've included details of everyone we suspect of dealing with sorcerer's, witches or Druids."

At hearing the word Druids, Merlin's interest suddenly began. He suddenly realised fate had lent it's hand to him. The scroll was just across the table where Leon had put it down.

"Get the men together and prepare to arrest them." Arthur commanded to Leon.

"Yes sire." Leon said and left the room.

As Leon left the room all Merlin could think about was getting a look at the scroll. Suddenly Arthur's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I thought I told you to do that yesterday." he said raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't have time, I was too busy doing out the stables." Merlin said irritated at Arthur's sudden interruption of his plans.

Merlin gave a quick look at Arthur who had his back turned, he quickly scanned the scroll looking for any Druid names. Suddenly he caught sight of someone, Forridel, lower town, he memorised it. Now all he had to do was to somehow get out of Arthur's way. But it seemed that Arthur still had an interest in him.

"That's funny because a little bird told me you were somewhere else." Arthur replied.

"Mucking out the tables is funny and a talking bird isn't?" Merlin asked trying to make a joke of it.

"Merlin what have I said about you making up jokes?" Arthur asked a sound of resignation in his voice.

"That I shouldn't." Merlin admitted looking quickly at him. Arthur was obviously making his way outside, so hopefully Merlin could make an excuse and leave. "I will just go out and get some more polish sire."

As Merlin left the room not waiting for Arthur to reply the scroll fell onto the floor. By the time Arthur had turned around again there was no Merlin and as he moved over to the table, he realised his clumsy servant had knocked the scroll onto the floor. He shook his head in exasperation. At times Merlin would never cease to amaze him. He reluctantly prepared to leave his chambers and take part in the arrests outside. It was the part of his duties that he never enjoyed, especially as he wasn't even convinced that the fire had been started by magic.

But he knew there was no point in even suggesting that to his father. Once his father had magic in his mind, there was no talking to him. It was something that Arthur had decided when he was King, he would try and be less judgemental about.

As Merlin walked into the lower town there was bedlam everywhere he looked. The guards were pounding on doors causing all sorts of consternation and worry, to the people round about them. People were being herded out arms above their heads, like they were criminals. It gave Merlin an idea of what could await him, if he was ever uncovered, and inwardly he shuddered.

It reminded him of the execution on his first day, the shock of it stayed with him all of his time in Camelot. As he watched some guards chaining some people up he wondered if they actually were guilty at all. There were huge numbers of people being arrested, and he felt pretty sure that a lot probably had nothing to do with magic. The fear arose in his face as he looked about him, at times he swore his feelings would give him away. Even now he half expected someone to put their hand on his shoulder and march him off.

He walked fast hoping to avoid bumping into anyone he knew. He found the house easy enough. The door was shut as he stood there he realised the guards were only a few doors away from where he was. Time was of the essence, looking around him he checked no one was looking.

It seemed mad to be doing magic as the guards were but yards away, but he realised it would take a less time then persuading Forridel to open up the door to him, and time was something he didn't have.

Moving right next to the door he whispered. "Ic I tospringe!" The door clicked open immediately, and Merlin made his way in carefully. He closed the door looking around him as he did so. He couldn't see Forridel and turned his back to go into one of the rooms, when suddenly he felt a sharp instrument in his back.

"Move and I will kill you." a frightened voice said.

"Forridel?" Merlin asked knowing he had to get through to her quickly.

"How do you know my name, who are you?" she asked pointing it harder into his back.

"There is little time to explain, we've got to get out of here. The King's men are coming for you."

Merlin turned to face her hoping his sincerity would impress upon her the seriousness of her situation. He watched her listening to the banging and the shouting that was going on a few doors down. He could feel her eyes boring into him as if still questioning him being here. But suddenly a shout overcame both of them as the guards broke down the door in the next house.

"Open up in the name of the King."

They both stared at each other realising they were running out of time. But Forridel was still suspicious.

"How do you know they are coming for me?" she asked uneasily as if trying to reassure herself that Merlin was wrong.

"I am Prince Arthur's servant and have seen your name on the scroll." Merlin said desperate to get on with it.

"You took great risk thank you." Forridel replied.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help more." Merlin mused.

Forridel made for the back door, Merlin put a hand on her arm.

"Please before you go I need to ask you a question." Merlin asked aware he was now wasting time.

"What?" Forridel asked now anxious to disappear.

"I need to find the Druids." Merlin said his voice low.

"I don't know anything about the Druids." she said as another shout rang out.

"Please if it wasn't for me you'd be arrested." Merlin reminded her appealing to her. "I am a friend of the Druids. I need their help."

There was a brief second before Forridel decided to cooperate. "There camp is in the forest of Ascetir, by the old oak tree. Now I must go."

"Of course thank you. Good luck." he said and followed her out of the back. He watched her run away, hoping in his heart that she was one person who could get away from the madness all around him.

He crouched down waiting for the guards to go onto the next victim. Sensing at long last an opportunity he kept his head down and ran for the castle. Despite the madness, at least he now had an opportunity to help Morgana.

What he had just witnessed made him even more determined to make a difference for her. He could not contemplate something like this happening to his friend, for her sake he had to make sure that she was given all the help she could get.