Chapter 25

Maddie had just poured her third cup a coffee for the day when there was a knock on her front door. She unlocked the front door to find Happy, Jax, Tig and Chibs standing on her porch. A little self-consciously she smoothed her pyjama pants and tank top and smiled at the men. "Hey guys, what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from the esteemed president of Samcro?" she asked, motioning to Jax's new patch. The men remained somber, causing her smile to fade. She opened the door further so the men could come in. "Do you guys want some coffee? I just made a fresh pot."

"No thanks. Maddie, Tig, Chibs and I just got out of County this morning. Opie was locked up with us." Jax paused as his mouth went dry and he mentally prepared himself for what he had to tell her. More than anything, he didn't want to be there but he had a duty to the woman standing before him, a duty he owed his friend. "Maddie Opie didn't make it out with us."

"Jesus what did he do to not get released with you?" Maddie said, giving a nervous laugh. She had seen the look on Jax's face and knew by the look on Happy's face that whatever words that would come out of Jax's mouth were bad. "He asked me to check in on Lyla - said he was leaving the kids with her. I tried calling her but didn't get an answer. Anyway, I'm sure you guys have your fancy lawyer working on getting him out. And really, it couldn't have been that bad if you three got out right? I mean if they let you out with the gun priors, Opie's only got a prior for blowing a building up. Do you guys need money for his bail? I got some cash here, it's not much but I can put the house or Pop's cabin up for a bail bondsmen."

"Maddie..." Jax said stopping her ramble. "Opie..." His breath hitched at his friend's name. "Fuck Mad I'm sorry..."

Maddie knew when she looked into Jax's eyes that Opie wasn't going to come home and it wasn't because he was still locked up. Shaking her head at Jax she pleaded "don't Jax, don't say it." She was starting to back away from him when Happy spoke.

"Maddie…. baby girl..."

"No Hap" Shaking her head slowly back and forth, her heart was roaring in her ears and she wanted to run out the door. Happy stepped toward her, pulling her roughly in his arms.

"I'm sorry baby girl."

She struggled against his hold. "No Hap, no not my Opie, please no not my Opie." Her hands grabbed onto his kutte and her nails scratched the soft leather.

He held her tight and as her sobs started and her legs gave out, he sank to the floor with her, cradling her in his arms. It was the sobs that did him, he could hear her heart breaking as her body shuddered against him, causing his throat to swell shut and his own eyes prickle with tears. He remained stoic because he knew if he broke down, Maddie wouldn't make it through this. No words were spoken between them because there was nothing to be said that would fix this; she had just lost her whole world. As much as she had hurt at the loss of Piney, this was worse. Opie had been the constant in her life from the day she was born. He turned when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Jax's face was full of tears, and when he looked to Chibs and Tig they both wore the same expression. These hardened bikers who had killed were brought to their knees by the sobs of a woman who'd known their brother better than them. He nodded to Jax. "I got this brother. I'll get her back to the clubhouse for the wake." His voice rougher as he clenched his throat trying retain his composure.

Once the other men had left, he pulled Maddie closer to him. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her to the couch as she cried against him. He didn't think tough little Madelynn Winston had this many tears in her and was certain that the death Opie had broken some kind of emotional dam. He stroked her hair until she cried herself out and her body went slack against him. He remained silent and still as she slept knowing she needed rest and to be away from the pain. She had a long road of pain ahead of her that wouldn't leave her any time soon, if ever.

He stayed holding her until she moved against him and he heard her hoarse voice speak. "Was it a dream Hap?"

"No baby girl" he sighed, stroking the hair off her face. He was surprised when the tears didn't start again and she spoke. "I need to start planning the services."

"Jax already has that taken care of. There's a wake tonight at the clubhouse and then the services tomorrow."

"Oh, okay" she responded in a small voice. "I should get ready then." She removed herself from him and he watched as she robotically roamed about the house getting ready. She came out of her room dressed in dark blue jeans and a black blouse. Happy stood and walked with her to the door.

She didn't respond as he walked her to her car and let him open the passenger door for her. The ride to Charming was silent with Maddie staring out the window as the highway passed by them. Happy kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other on her thigh, her small fingers entwined with his. The silence worried him. She didn't cry, she didn't talk, she didn't make any noises other than occasionally reaching in her purse for a cigarette. Once they passed the welcome to Charming sign he squeezed her hand causing her to turn her head and look at him. Her eyes were devoid of emotion and he asked stupidly "You alright?" because he didn't know what else to say to her or how to make it better.

"I think I'm numb, I don't feel anything" she responded before going back to staring out the window.

She remained in that position until Happy pulled up to the clubhouse which had already started to fill up. Without waiting for him to come around and open her door, she got out of the car. Jax approached her first, embracing her. As she received condolences from each of the men she didn't shed a single tear. Jax turned to Happy asking "How's she doing?"

"Ain't said shit since she stopped crying. I don't think she knows what to feel right now. Her ass being that quiet doesn't sit right with me. She doesn't hold shit in with me."

"Well keep an eye on her and get her through this." The men walked behind Maddie as she entered the clubhouse.

Inside, she glanced to the open church doors, knowing her brother was lying in there. A shiver went through her as she approached the doors and caught a glimpse of the edge of the coffin. She felt Jax and Happy behind and turned to them. "Can I have a minute?" she asked, adding "Alone" when they went to follow her in.

"Sure darlin" Jax said, closing the church doors behind her.

The quietness of the room was what hit her first. The only sound she heard was her own heart beating as she approached the coffin. Taking a deep breath, she stared down at her brother before reaching out and running her finger over the cut that Skeeter had tried to mask. "Well that didn't help your face any" she said, wanting desperately to hear some sort of back talk from him. When none came she sighed and lifted herself up on the table, scooting towards the edge of the coffin. "I didn't bring anything for you" she commented, eyeing the other gifts that had been left. "I didn't know what to bring, everything I have of you I wanted to be selfish and keep for myself. I never told you this but when Pop called to tell me that Donna died, I thought at first he was calling about you and in the second before he said it was Donna I felt this pain in my heart like I had never felt before. I never wanted to feel that again, but here it is right in my heart as if someone crushed it. It hurts Opie and I want you to come back and take it away. You're not supposed to be gone, you never were supposed to leave me. Now I have to deal with Ma all by myself. We were a team Opie and you checked out and I'm pissed. If you weren't already dead, I'd kill you myself for making me feel this way. You fucking knew you weren't coming back, you knew you were going to leave me. I felt it before I left for Bakersfield but I didn't say anything. I should have stayed and made you stay with me. But at least I told you I loved you, I didn't fuck it up like I did with Pop." She finished the rest of her cigarette in silence then hopped down off the table. Turning to look at her brother one more time she asked "You know why I love you Op? Because you always loved me no matter what fucked up shit we did or said to one another. I always knew you loved me." Walking to the door she whispered before she opened it "Say hi to Pop for me."

When she opened the door she came face to face with Lyla but before she could say a word, the frail woman pulled her into her arms sobbing against her. "Oh Maddie he's gone." Putting her arms around Lyla she found herself stuck in an awkward embrace she wasn't sure what to do with. "It'll be okay Lyla" she said unconvincingly.

"Maddie you're a rock, I don't know how I'm going to get through tonight."

Maddie almost laughed at that. If anyone could see inside her they'd know what real pain was. She had a fire coursing through her veins and everything hurt. She couldn't breathe and she suddenly felt like shoving Lyla out of the way and running outside. "You should go see him" she said, pulling back from Lyla.

"You can come with me, we can do it together."

"No. I already said my goodbye."

Lyla pulled her in again and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Taking an envelope out of her much too tight jacket she handed it to Maddie. "Opie gave me this to give to you when he dropped the kids off."

Maddie's shaky hands took the envelope. The whole world felt like it was starting to crush her as she saw her name in her brother's handwriting. She muttered a quick "Thank you" and made her escape. As she made a beeline for the bar, Gemma stepped out in front of her. "Not now Gemma" she said, continuing to make her way through the maze of people. Making it to the bar, she took a seat and set the envelope face down so she didn't have to look at anything that reminded her of Opie. "Tequila" was all she said to the portly new prospect behind the bar. He poured her shot and went to take the bottle but she grabbed it and told him to leave it. She was on shot number three when Happy took a seat next to her.

"What's that?" he said, motioning to the envelope.

"Opie left it with Lyla for me."

"What's in it?"

"Don't know."

"You gonna open it?"

"Nope, right now I'm drinking. You going to join me? Nothing sadder than a girl drinking alone" she said with a sad laugh. "Well except your brother getting beaten to death in prison."

"You sure this is what you want to do?"

"Yep" she said, taking another shot. This was the Winston family flaw: drowning your feelings in booze.

He reached out, took her face in his palms and looked her in the eye. They were still a beautiful shade of green but they were empty, completely devoid of emotion. Happy motioned to Phil for a glass and they sat in silence drinking until Maddie finally spoke. "Maybe it's a million dollars."

"What is?"

"In the envelope."

"Only way to know is to open it Mad."

"No, if I open it, it makes this real. That right there is the last thing he's ever going to give me and once I see it, that's it. Maybe it's the deed to a cottage in the country. If it was, would you come with me - leave the club?" She took another shot and then shook her head not waiting for Happy to answer. "No you wouldn't come with me, you're all club, club comes first. That's what Otto said, he told me one day I wouldn't be okay with it."

"Baby girl I don't know what you're talking about."

They returned to their silent drinking until she spoke again, slurring her words as the alcohol took it's hold. "Maybe it's the secret of life, and here I'm sitting hurting, and that envelope could contain all the answers. Tell me everything I want to know. I'm broken inside Happy, maybe it could fix this."

"Only way you're gonna know is if you open the damn thing."

She went for another shot but before she could grab the bottle, Jax came up behind her and put his hand on the bottle to stop the pour. "Maybe you should lay off the booze Maddie."

Her head turned and Happy saw the flash of anger in her eyes as she looked back at Jax. "Fuck you Jax, you don't get to tell me what to do! This booze is the only thing keeping me breathing right now. I can't breathe Jackson, I can't fucking breath without him." Happy watched her carefully as she turned all the way around with tears in her eyes, and slipped off her bar stool. He almost grabbed her when she lunged towards Jax, thinking she was going to strike out at him. But then she sobbed and leaned into Jax's hold. "Oh god Jax I want my brother back, please Jax you have to fix this. It fucking hurts, I want Opie."

Jax wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, cradling her head. "I'm so sorry Maddie. I can't bring him back but I'm going to make it right Maddie, I promise."

Maddie suddenly pulled away from him, retching. The tequila came out of her as fast as it had gone in. Jax held onto her waist as she hung forward, pulling her back up when he heard her sigh. "I'm sorry Jax I puked on your shoes."

"It's alright darlin I'll buy new ones. Let's get you to bed."

Scooping her up in his arms, Happy carried her to bed as she called out to Jax "Tell that fat guy behind the bar I'm sorry."

Happy carried her back to his dorm and laid her on the bed, removing her boots. She looked him in the eyes as he settled the covers over her. "Death has come to roost in Charming and it's not leaving until it takes everyone this time." Her eyes fluttered closed as he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"It'll be alright baby girl." He sat next to her waiting until her breathing evened out. Standing up from the chair, he reached into his kutte and pulled out the envelope. Setting it on the nightstand with her name facing out, he returned to the rest of the mourners.

Maddie awoke in the morning next to a sleeping Happy. The room reeked of alcohol and she was thankful she had expelled all that she had consumed last night. Her mouth felt like she had eaten sand as she rolled out of bed and walked to the bathroom. Turning on the shower she stepped under the hot water and let yesterday wash away from her. Sucking in as much oxygen as her lungs would hold, she let out a big sigh and stepped out of the shower, numb but ready to deal with the day. Happy was still asleep when she stepped out of the bathroom with her hair tied back and wearing new jeans and a black top. She knew Opie wouldn't give a shit about what she wore today, the day he was being laid in the ground. There was no one there to criticize her wardrobe now. Jax had called her mother the day before but she hadn't heard or seen the woman yet. As she stood up grabbing for her cigarettes, she saw the envelope from Opie propped up on the nightstand. She grabbed her smokes, her bag and the envelope and quietly left Happy's room. Walking down the hallway, she was met with the early morning silence that came with the clubhouse. Instead of going to the main room and out the front, she took the small passageway that lead to the roof. As a kid, she had spent time with Opie and Jax up there, and as teenagers they had sat up there drinking booze swiped from the bar and smoking cigarettes stolen from their parents. She needed to be alone right now, she didn't want the comfort of someone else: it wouldn't help and it wouldn't make it better. Taking seat overlooking the clubhouse, she took a deep breath. Flipping the envelope over in her hands, she ran her finger over the sealed edge. Her breath caught when she opened the letter and saw Opie's handwriting.

Maddie,

If you're reading this, I'm sorry...

I'm sorry but it had to happen for my future story line. I friend when I wrote it as much as when Opie died in the show, I've grown to love Maddie and hate to do this with her but it can't be all roses.