Wow! Five new followers in one day!

Extra long chapter today! xD And this is one of my favorites that I wrote, the reason which will soon become apparent.

Chapter 25 – The Diary

"…with the push of a single button," Lazarus continued. "I will change what it means to be human." Jack and the Doctor looked at each other in shock.

"Did he just say he's gonna change what it means to be human?"

"Yup."

After finding out the reveal of Lazarus' machine was a formal event taking place that night, the two headed back into the TARDIS to get changed and for the Doctor to send them a few hours ahead in time.

"How are we going to get in?" Jack asked.

"Psychic Paper." The Doctor held it out for him to see.

"Doctor Spock plus Guest." Jack read it aloud. "Really?" He raised his eyebrow, his mouth turning up in a cheeky smile.

"It's works!" The Doctor scowled at him and returned the Psychic Paper to his pocket.

"Better go get out your suit again." Jack said, heading towards the wardrobe room. The Doctor frowned. Last time he had worn that was on his date with Rose...

The Doctor was walking deeper into the TARDIS towards his room where his suit was stashed in his closet. Suddenly he felt an urgent tug to go into Rose's room, which was directly across the hallway from his. Without fighting it he opened the door and stepped in. He smiled at the disarrayed state. It was like she was never gone.

The Doctor used to tease her about how she kept her room, but then she would just shove him out and tell him that he shouldn't be in her room anyway, and then she'd flash him that flirty...no, cheeky smile and wink at him sexily...no, sensuously...what the hell?

He shook his head roughly and returned to his previous thoughts.

There was only one time Rose had let him stay in her room, and that was the time he held her in his arms all night long after she had witnessed her father's death for the final time. They lay together fully clothed on top of the duvet on her bed and no impure thoughts had ever crossed their minds. The emotional strain of the day had been too much for them to think about anything else.

As the Doctor looked at her bed he could see him and Rose as she sobbed softly into his chest while he held her as close as he possibly could, as if he could shield her from everything bad that had happened.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. Rose turned her tear-streaked face up to his. Those bright brown eyes showed just as much pain and guilt that was in his own hearts.

"I know you didn't mean it." She replied.

"No, not just that." He paused. "I'm sorry...for everything." Both of them were silent, taking comfort in the other's embrace, until finally they fell asleep on Rose's bed, still clutching each other like final lifelines to the existent world.

He ran his hands over his face to get the memory out. Then in the corner of his eye he found what had drawn him in in the first place: A small book sat open on her desk on the wall to his right. Upon closer inspection he saw that was her diary. It was open to the page after her last entry, and the blank pages only reminded him of the current emptiness of her lying on that cold, cruel hospital bed. He quickly flipped back about twenty pages and came across an entry. He felt a little guilty about reading her diary but not enough to turn away.

Plus, she left it open on her desk for all to see so it was her own fault...or did she really leave it there? He didn't know what to think anymore after everything that had happened with the Bad Wolf on Kitariah 3. He picked the diary up and brought it closer for his eyes to see, holding it with gentle fingers, as if he was holding a piece of Rose herself.

Entry 332

Dear Diary:

Why do people write 'Dear Diary' anyway? It's not like I'm writing to a friend named Diary, in fact, no one will even see this, except me of course. Oh hell I'm starting to sound like him now!

Anyways, the Doctor kissed me today! I was so shocked, because he also tricked me but mainly because he kissed me! Looking back now I see that I shouldn't have bought the Sapphire Potion in the first place, but I couldn't help it. It was so intriguing. And it's not like I've never wanted him to be more than a friend, right? But I still should have trusted by own instincts, maybe Time Lords and humans aren't compatible. Or because he's so old he only sees me as a child.

But if that's true, then why did he kiss me in the first place? Oh I can still feel the taste of his lips on mine. When he kissed me, I felt like I was looking into an exploding star, like the one he took me to see last month in the Tarigorn Galaxy. He held my arm as I leaned out as far as I could outside the TARDIS doors and into space. It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.

As well as I'm on the subject of things I've never experienced before, I'll honestly say I know exactly when I fell in love with him. I guess it's my diary entry of confession.

It was that night after my father died (again! wth?!) and the Doctor held me in his embrace all night long because I couldn't stop crying.

It was so traumatic, not just seeing dad die, but seeing the Doctor get eaten by a reaper right in front of me as well. I thought I had lost him and it was all my fault. It was the worst feeling in the world, because his death as well as the entire planet's death happened was because of what I did. If my dad hadn't made it right I would have destroyed the Earth and the last survivor of the Time Lords. We had argued too, before that, and I regretted everything I said to him. I felt so bad I couldn't even remember what he said to me as I sat there alone in that gloomy church. I still can't.

The beat of his two hearts against my chest and the feel of his leather jacket brushing on my skin that night I laid against him comforted me like nothing else had. He let me fall asleep there too, and I know he doesn't sleep very much so it was extra sweet.

But, it's like, after we fought, it was as if our relationship (if I could even call it that) grew in dimension, in maturity. We trusted each other more, and I realised just how much he means to me.

Yes, that's right Diary. I've grown to love everything about him. From his short-cropped hair, to his big ears and leather jacket all the way down to his boots. Just hearing his Northern accent in my head makes my hearts beat faster. Wait, I mean heart. (insert sigh here) Just another reason I shouldn't be feeling this way. But I do.

I'm in love with my Doctor. And I think he might be in love with me too.

I think I'll go to the library and read that new book The Hunger Games I got on Melodroria, as to not make a bigger fool of myself in front of the Doctor after that Love Potion embarrassment.

P.S. In case I forget, the Doctor's anniversary gift is in the secret compartment in the top drawer of my desk. I'll tell you how he likes it when I give it to him. I never realised how hard it was to buy something for a nine hundred year-old Time Lord!

~Rose Tyler

The Doctor smiled, rereading the part "I'm in love with my Doctor. And I think he might be in love with me too." She wrote that before he asked her out on their first 'date' to Paris.

He was tempted to find out what she had gotten him for their one-year anniversary, since she seemed to forget about it when it came and left during that time she started slipping away.

But he decided not to. The look on her face if she ever got the chance to give it to him would be better than knowing now.

He flipped the diary to the last entry she wrote, hoping it would shed some light on what exactly she had been hiding from him before she slipped away entirely.

Entry 350

Dear Diary:

I'm so scared. The Doctor took me to a Journey concert today, and I was so close to Steve Perry I could just reach out and touch him. It was amazing, to say the least.

But it happened again. Like my whole body was paralyzed and I couldn't move, or even think. And then it hurt. It was an indescribable feeling. After a lot of time to think about it, the closest I can come up with is that it feels like all my cells are coming out of alignment, or something like that. The Doctor would know how to say it better but I don't dare tell him. My vision turn fuzzy and I can't move my head. My skin burns like fire and I can't comprehend anything. It was beyond unsettling, and this was the worst out of all the times it's happened. It gets worse every time it happens.

But it only happened for a minute, and I'm glad this time the Doctor didn't notice. I know he's suspicious, very suspicious in fact. He even tried to scan me when we were at mum's last, but I think I've warded him off, at least for a little while.

He first noticed something was up when I started not hearing him when he was talking to me. I think that's when it started, I lost my hearing first. Paris I believe. No, before that. After seeing Hitler. Yeah that sounds right.

But I never want him to find out! It's imperative that he doesn't know. I'm just so afraid that something is really wrong with me and our relationship will change. We've come so far, and I don't want to lose it now more than anything. I just want this problem to go away and we can go back to what we were before all this started happening.

She hadn't even bothered to sign her name. That was the last entry she had made before her 'illness' if you will, became a serious problem.

The Doctor suddenly felt woozy. He placed a hand on his head and groaned. Suddenly he lost his balance and collapsed to the floor. He struggled on his knees but soon realised it was useless. His body made a loud 'thud' as he fell the rest of the way. It was a few more seconds until his vision grew blurry and he slipped into darkness.

"You didn't have to do that." The Doctor mumbled grumpily and rubbed his head as he saw the Bad Wolf woman standing in front of him in his mind. "You could have just asked before you invaded my head."

"Speed is necessary." The Doctor looked around and noticed his strange surroundings.

"This looks like France." He said, looking out the window and into the daylight. "How are you doing this? These aren't the memories in my head."

"I am the Bad Wolf." She replied, a slight and knowing grin on her face. The Doctor heard a noise behind him and turned around. He gasped, recognizing his future self with someone who was obviously from the local area, and very wealthy.

"Who is that?" He asked the Bad Wolf.

"Reinette Poisson. Or Madame de Pompadour."

"A modern-day swinger if I remember correctly. Mistress to the King." The Doctor replied. "What is he doing with her of all people?" He jerked his head back in surprise at the passionate kiss Reinette threw on his future self. He frowned in disgust. Who knew how many diseases she had?

"He saved her life when she was a young girl, but to him it was mere minutes since he saw her younger self."

"But where's Rose in all of this?" He knew from experience how jealous Rose got. The Bad Wolf Woman motioned for him to follow her.

"Do not worry, no one can see us, it's merely a projection of what would have happened had you regenerated." She leaned down in front of the fireplace and the Doctor knelt beside her. Looking through the fireplace, he saw this version's Rose watching her Doctor and Reinette snogging like there was no tomorrow. His hearts broke at the tears in her eyes.

"Why's he doing this to her?" He cried angrily. "I would never do anything to hurt her like that."

"You both just met Sarah Jane, and Mickey decided to join you on your travels. It's put a serious strain on your relationship." The Doctor made a mental note not take Rose to meet Sarah Jane or let Mickey step foot in the TARDIS again, not if this was what it would become.

The Bad Wolf walked through the wall and onto the other side of the fireplace. The Doctor followed and found himself on a space ship obviously in the far future. He also had a better view of Rose. She knelt there in front of the fireplace for a few seconds, before standing up and wiping the tears from her eyes and cheeks as Mickey the Idiot ran into the room, obviously not noticing her distress. Typical.

"Has he come back yet?" Mickey asked her.

"No, haven't seen him yet." Her voice displayed only calm. She was a good actress when she needed to be. The Doctor came up and stood in front of her, wanting to speak to her, to apologize for his future self's actions. He wanted to hold her tight and never let her go. But the Bad Wolf raised her hand and the scene changed slightly.

The new Doctor, Rose, and Mickey were on the space ship, watching through a screen to the past as clockwork men stormed the palace in France.

"But if you go," Rose said to the Doctor as he jumped on a horse (wait, a horse?) "You'll be stuck there...forever."

"I know." he replied. "But I promised her." Then, like a cavalier, he rode the horse through the screen. It shattered into a million pieces, leaving only a blank wall behind him.

The present Doctor watched as Rose stared at the blank wall and Mickey asked a couple stupid questions. Tears glistened on her cheeks. Finally she choked back a sob and Mickey came up behind, wrapping her in a hug.

"He left me." She muttered, not bothering to return his hug. The Doctor was beyond livid.

"Why are you showing me this?" He shouted at the Bad Wolf. "I would never do this to her, not without giving her some way to get home, even then..."

"To make sure you still know how much Rose did for you and your relationship when she saved you from regeneration." The Doctor's expression softened.

"I'll never forget. And I'll never let this happen." He turned as Rose came up to the blank wall, placing her hand on the gray, uninviting barrier.

"Is this when we lose each other, for good?" The Doctor said, remembering a scene like this that the Bad Wolf had projected in Rose's head.

"Oh no, he eventually comes back, after Rose waits five and a half hours for him. She would have waited forever."

"As long as it takes." The Doctor whispered as Bad Wolf brought up one last scene with a flick of her finger. They were now inside the TARDIS, and the future Doctor was dejectedly moving the TARDIS into the vortex. Rose and Mickey stood nearby. Her eyes were filled with only compassion and a slight tinge of sadness that only the present Doctor could see.

"He was so excited to take Reinette to the stars, he barely did more than say 'hello' and a quick hug to Rose when he made it back. But when he returned to France, he was too late and she had already died."

"He wouldn't have made Rose endure having Reinette on board, after what she saw them do?" The Bad Wolf nodded, and the Doctor clenched his fists. He hadn't wanted to hurt another one of his regenerations this badly since he was in his Third life.

"You alright?" Rose asked her Doctor.

"I'm always alright." He replied, not even letting a smile show on his face.

"She's asking about him?" The present Doctor asked incredulously. "He lost nothing. She nearly lost everything." As Rose departed to her room the present Doctor followed. As she shut her door, he heard soft sobbing noises from the other side, nearly too faint for even him to hear, as if she had stuffed a pillow over her sobs so not a soul would know.

"My Rose. She's hurting." He placed a hand on her door. "And she doesn't want him to know. She's only thinking of his pain. She's so strong." And so loyal. He thought. He wouldn't have blamed her if she would want to go home after this. But he knew she wouldn't, she loved the Doctor too much not to forgive him, even without his apology that he knew was not forthcoming. Self-absorbed bastard. He turned to the Bad Wolf, tears threatening to fall.

"I've seen enough."

"That was not the only reason I let you see this."

"Then why?" He didn't want to beg her to let him go, but he didn't think he could take much more of this. Of what was, what wasn't, and what could have happened had he regenerated on the Game Station.

"To give you a message." Everything around them started to fade, and the Doctor knew he was waking up. "I am sorry but, in order to save her, you will have to make a sacrifice, so great a sacrifice."

"Doctor?" Jack shook his friend, a worried look on his face. "Doctor, wake up!" The Doctor slowly opened his eyes, noticing he was still on the floor of Rose's bedroom. "What happened?" Jack asked him. The Doctor blinked twice and sat up.

"It was the Bad Wolf. She had a message."

I can never remember who started the hostility between the Second and Third Doctors...so I'm guessing it's the Third, he was always a bit more pompous xD

Next time: The Doctor and Jack decide to crash Lazarus' party, but there will also be two special guests, one waiting for him, and the other unawares.

I was a bit mean about Reinette but I don't care. HE KNEW BETTER. I thought the Doctor upheld this moral code and engaging with a concubine was NOT on his list!(and kissograms too*COUGHCOUGH*) I guess I'm so mad for Rose too, all she ever did was stay loyal to him, even after he did that to her. If you want to see Nine give Ten 'what for', read Daydream or Nightmare? by Logan the Awesome. Leave a review too(and say I sent you ;D), she's a fantastic person and friend! :D