Chapter 24 Fears hold
AN: I finally finished! This is so much better than the original version. Thanks for your patient's guys and I'll see you on Monday! Ps. this is a big exposition chapter, like an information dump. Sorry.
My eyes flutter open, I feel comfortable. I was in a warm soft futon and I hear a nearby window with chattering birds. The suns rays came into the room and touched my face. As I woke up, I hear some other noise, movement, creaking from the floor, was someone else in the room?
I slowly sit up, yawning and carefully stretching. My body was a little stiff from sleep, but it was much lighter. My body moved with ease, I was a bit achy but better. My head wasn't throbbing and it didn't burn like before.
"Suigetsu?" I called out to the room.
"Ah, your awake good, good." a croaky voice answered. This was not Suigetsu, or anyone I knew for that matter. It sounded old, tired and nasally.
I was startled when a wrinkly hand takes mine and feels my pulse, then feels my forehead.
"Much better," he sighed in relief, "The last few days were quite tough, thought you might die, you almost did. But here you are."
"I was looking for, oh god," I bolt up onto my feet, my memory of Suigetsu and Juugo being imprisoned hit me hard. They needed help, as I begin to move a hard thin object blocked my way.
"You're better, but you can't leave yet." the voice informed.
"Why not? Wait, Who are you?" I demanded.
"Now you ask, well then again your senses would have warned you of danger," the voice cackled.
"What?" I demanded, who the hell is this guy?
"Hibiki, I am Haruto, a crystal, like yourself." he introduced himself, taking my hand and guiding me back to the futon, leaving me to sit with him.
"Crystal.." I trailed off.
"Yes, I am a crystal,"
"Prove it… that we are the same." I demanded.
"Alrighty," he agreed, He then leaned into my ear and recited a poem mother use to read to me from the book.
"So you are…" I gasped. Another?
"Yes I am," he confirmed again.
"What are you doing here? How are you here?" I blurted out, my thoughts raced, so many questions filled me, all wanting to be answered at once.
"You will get answers but first some tea," he said before disappearing, I heard him rummage around for a moment and when he returned, he took my hand and placed a cup into it,
"Got it?" he asked,
"Yes," I said. I held the warm cup in my hands and took a sip. It was bitter, but it wasn't bad.
"Its Kuding, it will help," he said, sipping.
We sat together in silence, the only sound coming from our sipping. After a few minutes, he sighed in contentment.
"Now one question at a time," he instructed.
"I thought to keep our clan from spreading… I thought that I was the last one."
"I am Infertile. Born that way. Can't have children no matter what." he stated.
"So you can't make more," I confirmed
"Exactly. So I had no reason to commit 'the act'" he replied.
"Why are you here," I asked next.
"You were never given proper instruction, I am here to do so," he replied.
"Why now? Why not when I was a kid?" I asked.
"I'm old, takes time to get places and I ain't fast. This was the soonest I could get to you." he laughed.
"You could have gotten others to help you." I accused.
"Then they would know your location, my dear."
"But I mean.." I started.
"I am here now, that's what matters." he hushed me.
"Alright, fine, so what are you going to teach me?" I wondered.
"Everything you need to know to live a better life."
Haruto was a kind old man, he was not the best conversationalist, but that was ok. He insisted on waiting a few days before beginning with my 'special' training, he wanted me to be a little stronger. He was a cautious man, he told I would need all my strength to get through this.
Haruto and I sat in the hotel room, sitting across from each other, close but not touching. We spoke with soft voices. He never spoke loudly, his nasal voice like a whisper.
"First things first, you need to understand the very fundamentals. The rules we have placed on ourselves. Rules important to live by." he asserted. He paused and let me absorb this.
"The future shouldn't be controlled, or manipulated." he sternly said.
"But, my mom told me to use my precognition to survive? Is that not the purpose of it? To change the future?" I asked.
"Your mother told you to stay alive, and you had to manipulate your future to do so," he said.
"The future is very hard to control, and it is not easily understood. It is not our place to control it directly. Our clan was founded on keeping the earth alive and that is all. It is not our place to control man, it is no one's place to control man." he said.
"I'm a little fuzzy on the details, our exact knowledge on the subject was in our clan's sacred text. However, it is said our eldest ancestor is to have lived on the moon and to have had 'absolute sight' which is the ability to see past, present, and future. After a big argument, they came to earth, Over the years our 'absolute sight' became less powerful and now it is only precognition. Maybe less powerful isn't the right word, more like we became too weak to use it. We don't have enough chakra or physical strength to use it at full capacity. That's why you got so sick, your precognition took too much of your chakra and it ate away at your body. The more frequently it is used, and if used for an extensive amount of time, the more it takes from you." he explained.
"So when I push myself, I'm overextending, using too much chakra too fast," I said.
"Yes, exactly. It all depends on how much chakra a clan member has. We both have very little compared to shinobi. The medicine I gave you helped replenish your chakra, but your body is still suffering the effects." he told me.
"Haruto, are there more? How many of us remain?"
"It's just you and me kid, but I'm not long for this world. Got real old and my body is ready to set my soul free." he cheerfully explained.
"How much longer?" I worried.
"Don't worry about that Hibiki, Now let's begin your basic training," he said. He reached for me and had me stand up, he took my arm, dragging me along with him out the door. We went outside of the hotel, into the street, and out the village gates. he then proceeded to show me his cane. It was used to find objects and obstacles in front of you as you walked. It was weird and felt unnatural. But He showed me how to properly use it, how to navigate the world better. I couldn't help but think of Kimimaro.
That night, Haruto was granted use of the kitchen in the hotel, and he taught me to cook. He showed me how to navigate a kitchen and to use my sense of smell and touch to know what I was using. I told him stories about the garden I loved as a kid. He told me my mother was smart, teaching me to be independent. We made dinner for the hotel owners and us, and after we ate he returned us to our room.
We drank more kuding tea and rested in silence. This went on for a few more long days. During the day he showed me how to count money, and how to shop in the village market. He had me walk through the village and in the surrounding area using his cane. At night I cooked, he gave me less instruction each day, letting me learn through action. He taught me how to live the life I was given.
By the third week, I was deemed strong enough to learn more about my precognition. My body had its strength back, I felt healthy and normal. I hadn't realized how tired I had been, traveling so much took a lot more out of me than I had thought.
He took me up a hill outside of the village. At the top was a large dead tree, we sat at its base in the snow facing each other. I could feel our breaths in the freezing air. The crisp morning felt good.
It reminded me of when I was a kid, one morning my mother stayed home and we played in the snow together. We made a snowman and snow angels. We caught flakes on our tongues and I showed her my cartwheels and flips. She would sound so proud of me.
Haruto cleared his throat, grabbing my attention.
"I come from a place beyond the land of earth, a small country that is very secluded from the ninja world. I was the first and only child of my parents, and my father left when I was very young. I suppose that's one of many things we have in common, growing up with a single parent. I was taught by my mother, a crystal herself. A good woman, she earned a living as a potter, the village we lived in was small but traders passed through it often. We were never wealthy but never hungry either. As our clan mandates, She committed 'the act' when I was 12. As I got older I met quite a few talented people and learned many things from them. How to fight for example. When I was in my 40's I met your grandmother, she was a talented woman. She was going around and sealing clan members precognition away, to prevent the spread of it. Once she found out I was impotent, we agreed I could keep my foresight. Then she asked me to join her. to Find other clansmen, and we sealed the ability away." he told me.
"It can be sealed?" I smiled,
"Yes, your grandmother had spent much of her life in Uzushiogakure to create the seal. She had foreseen something that scared her, a large threat to humanity and decided to take action. Anyway, after the sealing, you were still blind but you could no longer see the future. No longer enter Kami's room."
"Wait, what's Kami's room?" I asked, confused.
"It's what the clansmen have called the void we enter to see the future." he calmly explained.
"Oh, so it did have a name." I thought aloud.
"Yes, and it always helps to have a name or word for something, its calming. To continue, Many were thankful, some very upset. But we sealed everyone, which was about 13 people mind you until It was just me and your grandmother. I refused the seal, just in case, just to keep watch. I was allowed this mostly due to my infertility. Your grandmother also wished to remain unsealed. I asked if she was going to have children. She said yes. I ask about our clansmen, the possible revival. She told me that she trusted her child to make the right choices. She tells me to leave it in fate's hand." he continued
"Fate's hand?" I asked.
"Its something your grandmother often said, it means to let what happens, happen. To not know the future and to experience life as it comes. It was a good philosophy." he explained.
"So why did grandma keep her precognition?" I wondered
"She wouldn't tell me, she had important business to attend to Is all she said," he told me.
"Wow." I breathed
"Yep now let's discuss.." he began to move on
"Wait! How much have you seen? How much do you know about the future?" I begged.
"What I need to. I knew that you would need me here now." he summarized.
"What about the future of others, what grandma worried about?" I asked concerned.
"Don't care, don't look, everything that can be done without disrupting humanity has been done. So I just lived," he said.
Grandmother, what had she seen?
After that we returned to the hotel, we were both freezing by then, the crisp feeling became a horrible bone-chilling air. Haruto being so old, grew tired quickly, his bones would ache sometimes and so our lessons were sometimes very short.
We took hot baths to warm ourselves.
The next day, He took me outside again, We returned to the same hill. Snow had fallen the previous night so the snow was deeper. At the top we cleared some snow away and sat on the frosty earth, my ass froze.
"As you now know I am here to give you proper instruction, and knowledge. Your mother did well, she did what she could to protect you. But now it's time you see for yourself. Close your eyes and take my hand Hibiki." I reach out and take his hand.
I opened my eyes to find myself in kami's room, with the river of time flowing before me. I turn and see Haruto.
Inside kami's room, we had our sight, we could see the future and we could see each other, two embodiments of our souls in the abyss.
He was very old, his hair was receding and the top of his head was exposed. He also sported a mustache and beard, white and full. Each line on his face represented a decade. There were so many I couldn't count them all. But the more I looked at him, the more I recognized him. I could see myself in his features.
"We look alike." I smiled. He smiled too and laughed gleefully.
"You think so? We have a few similarities for sure, but you look exactly like your grandmother." he smiled.
"Is that a good thing?"
"Hahaha yes, I suppose it is." he teased.
We remained in silence for a short time, simply seeing another Omoikane felt securing. To have someone just like me. To have a real family again. My heart squeezed, I wouldn't have this much longer. I'll be alone again soon.
"Can you see why we are so dangerous in groups, being able to connect in kami's room like this has many advantages," he explained.
"Yeah, with enough people you could search the future a lot faster." I agreed. He nodded.
"Now what do you see?" he asked looking forward.
"What do you mean? You see it too don't you?" I worried.
"Just describe what's in front of you," he ordered.
"A river, the river of time," I said.
"A river huh? I suppose it can be, not a strange way of manifesting," he said mostly to himself.
"What do you mean? What is it then," I asked.
"Kami's room is presented Differently to everyone, You see a river, I see a tree, your grandmother said hers was like a puzzle box. Kami's room manifests in a way that the user understands," he explained
"Huh. so what is it made of? The river, or tree, or whatever." I asked.
"Energy." he simplified.
"Energy?"
"Yes, the will and life force of everything, of every rock, of every person, each blade of grass. This is the collective energy that moves time. You see everything contributes to the movement of time, everything has this energy that is present here." he explained.
"So time is made and moved by the collective innate energy inside everything, So if I move a rock, our energies interact and move the river," I questioned
"That's the gist yes. It's very complicated, my mother had a hard time explaining it, so now I do too. " he sighs. "Right. Now we go deeper." he smiled
"Deeper?"
"I want you to look again Hibiki. This time without seeing," he instructed.
"What?" I asked turning to him.
"Focus on the river and feel it. Instead of using your eyes." he clarified.
I looked back at the river and relaxed. Letting my eyes closed and allowing myself to be vulnerable to the environment of kami's room.
Then a sound, a soft sound far away, barely audible. The soft sound was moving closer, slowly it intensified and grew louder and closer. Then I could feel a vibration. The softest of tremors that grew in intensity too. The vibration hums around me, I can feel it, its like endless strings connecting everything to everything else.
"What do you see now," Haruto asked,
"A heartbeat. I never knew this existed," I said astonished.
"This Hibiki this the 'heart' as you said, of the world. This is how living things interconnect. This is combined with the energy that moves time and creates life."
"So the river is the flow of life force but this heartbeat is the events?" I said to him. He nodded
"That's right. But its a bit more complicated than that. Think of each person as a string that helps create the beat. Each string for each living thing. All tangled together, each string is complex, it's very much the metaphorical representation of them. Actions with thought, intent, can be easily seen in the river because it's the fastest moving element of a person. Emotions are far slower but are a powerful force, one that drives humans. Even erratic ones, on the surface, they are erratic, sudden, random, but underneath emotions are the driving force." he explained.
"However understanding someone's emotions can be very hard, thus seeing their future as a blind spot," he said.
"Can I find a specific person?" I wondered
"If you want to waste your damn life. That thing is a mess, I tried to find someone once, opened my eyes and was nearly dead! Your body still needs keeping, don't have the time to hunt through it." he laughed. "This is the true key to the future Hibiki. You watched the surface and The surface is wishy-washy. This builds and is predictable, easier to read but impossible to find a single person. If you know why someone acts, you know how they act. Understand." he said turning to me.
"Yes. so how does our power change the future?" I asked.
"Well first by taking intentional and thought out actions that lead down a certain event. So by talking to a specific stranger at a specific time, the future would flow down that path." he shrugged. "This is a very basic form though and can easily be changed."
"I know." I grimaced.
"Now the dangerous part, If there are enough of us together, we could sort through the heartbeat, find an individual, and change them. Even gain complete and absolute control of them.
"Wow, how many crystals would you need to do that." I wondered.
"At the very least 5, but that is a stretch, To have perfect immediate control, about 50." he guessed.
"This is why everyone commits suicide, to prevent others from abusing our abilities." I sighed.
"Not just from others Hibiki, people of our own become obsessed with the future, with its manipulation. You are on the road to becoming like that," he warned.
"I would never!" I yelled.
"If you could change one person's actions who would it be," he asked.
"Well this kid naruto is annoying, very erratic," I complained.
"The feeling of controlling others is like an infection, you do it once, and you won't be able to stop," he warned. He held my eyes for a long time.
Then we opened our eyes back in the real world. Our dark reality.
We returned to the hotel walking in silence, I thought over my actions, of my intentions and feelings, and In the inn we sit across from each other, drinking tea.
I've been watching the future for so long.
I sighed "My precognition is addictive, I need to look, its an impulse now," I admitted.
"It's alright my dear, you can still change, I could seal it away now if you wished." he offered.
"No! Not now!" I begged.
"Then someday you will?" he questioned.
"Maybe," I answered.
"Then gradually work on it, Hibiki from now on you need to close the future off, don't look for a few hours, then days, then weeks and so on," he said.
"I don't know if I can." I worried.
"It will be hard to change your habits. But you will feel better when you do. The point is you will learn to Address problems as they come. Besides life's more fun that way." he laughed
"I, I'll try," I promised.
Haruto woke me up early, we quickly dressed and climbed the hill again.
"I'm not long for this world Hibiki, and you live in a violent one. Normally we would train for years, in all these subjects. You are getting the summarized versions. And in that sense, I want to give you something."
"What?" I asked
"Have you shared a vision of the future before?" he inquired.
"Yeah,"
"Wow, that's a complex task to learn on your own. I'm proud." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Thanks." I blushed. I was not used to being praised.
"Now we can share others only what their lives intel right? That's due to our ability being a kekkei genkai. We can connect and share without issue because we both possess the kekkei genkai." his voice became careful.
"Where is this going?" I began to worry
"Hibiki have you ever lived a life that was not your own?" He asked delicately.
"Yeah, it was terrifying, I can still feel it lurking on me," I said softly. My heart squeezed painfully. The shadows of scars prickled on my skin.
"I'm sorry, it isn't a good feeling." he consoled me. Taking my hand in his and patting it.
"So what happened? What was that?" I asked I could feel the panic rise from my stomach.
Hesitantly Haruto spoke, "Well, chakra is a powerful thing, we can place pieces of ourselves in others. Normally this is a hard task and isn't commonly used. Normal people may have a dream or a vision, depending on how well the chakra was sealed. Easily forgotten if they wished. When a chakra is implanted in us we experience something very different. We are forced in a way, to relive the entirety of the others life, their chakra passing memories and feelings. We can never forget. Not really. That's an entire lifetime, you become them in a way, but you have no control. Living 30 - 40 years as someone else is damaging. And what is worse is we wake up to our own bodies confused scared, but very little has changed. A day or two may have passed, yet our minds are 40 years older than before."
Tears dripped from my eyes. "I can sometimes feel the scalpels running down my skin, my stomach feeling like it's horribly scarred with cut marks. I sometimes even see his wife in my dreams or maybe our wife? And I remember loving her, and I remember the devastation of her death. It is unsettling." I admitted.
"Yes, I understand I have experienced this 3 times in my life. I feel much older than I am. Feeling like I've lived for too long. But I'm going to ask we use this to our advantage." he cautiously offered.
"What?" I demanded.
"I will give you my life, you will learn and know everything I know. I will only place the latter years of my life in you. You will be able to fight with a kunai, run on water, you will be better equipped for your world." he explained himself.
"Haruto I can't. Not again, I can't…" my body shook in fear.
"But you must. You need to save your friends, but you can't do that now. You need this Hibiki. It will be hard but you will gain so much from it." he begged.
"Let me think about it." I compromised.
We sat on the hill for hours, I cried as I remember my second life, the other person I was. During the day, when I'm living my life, the memories feel vaguer. Its pushed to the back of my mind.
We are connected now. We are like one person, at least to me.
Sasuke, he killed the man who punched me, who put chakra into me. Sasuke must have seen the foreign chakra in my body. It would have been too small for Karin to detect. Sasuke saw the difference, and he found its source. I'm not sure how much he knows about what happened, but he had an idea. It eased my mind a little to know I wasn't missing my second life, our story ended. Now the only life I have is Hibiki's. Mine.
I wish Suigetsu was here. I liked having him around. He made me forget, he made me feel normal. I found his laugh charming. A bit intoxicating. His laugh made me smile.
I liked how soft his hair was, and I liked to play with it. When I wake up at night, my other life gripping me, my demons on my shoulders, his snore reminded me who I was. Where I was. It was loud and it kept me grounded. I like how he smelt fresh, like the scentless scent of water, slightly musky and a little like metal. I loved his water cold touch. While Karin called it clammy, I always found it soothing. He was never very warm, his hydration changed his body warmth, but I've never felt cold when I was in his arms. Only comforted. I missed how gently he touched me like I was precious. He was rougher when we first met, now his touches are softer and caring. I missed his soft skin and his voice. I missed Suigetsu.
We arrived that morning, and now the sun was setting. Haruto has been sitting with me for hours. Quiet while I thought. It was kind of him, to stay with me. It was kind of him to come to me at all. The man saved my life, all while at his is ending.
How much would I sacrifice for others? This question weighed heavy on me.
I was the cause of so many deaths. Of imprisonments. I was the one who gave Orochimaru his men. Anyone I introduced was my responsibility. I felt remorse, but not regret. I only cared for myself. I was here to keep me alive. That's my purpose. I had to live, for my mother, for the sacrifice of the Omoikane.
But to be honest, I'm living because I'm alive. Death doesn't scare me, it feels welcoming at times. I was always lonely, trapped in chaos with only one way out. I didn't care who I used to meet my ends. I was no different than Orochimaru. I'm not a good person.
I am forever scarred from saving Sasuke. My hands feel rough and the long burn mark on my stomach were silent reminders of the choice I made. I nearly died keeping them all safe. Sasuke, Karin, Juugo, Suigetsu. I had planned on committing 'the act' when I turned 19.
Things have changed. After that night, when I came back to my life, something changed.
I didn't know if this was how I was feeling. Or how he would feel. We were the same person for so long, his morals and beliefs were so different. Was this his influence? Had I changed because of him?
"Do you know who you are?" I asked Haruto.
"Yes, I do."
"When you lived your other lives, didn't they rub off on you? Become a part of you?"
" Yes, very much so."
"How do you know if what you want is your desire or theirs? Who I am now, is it really me?" I choked.
"Hibiki dear," he said turning me to face him, taking my hands.
"You are you, you were once one person, but now you are separate beings. You took some parts from him, and he took some parts from you. You changed because of them. People change, it's what makes us human. Those pieces are you, and you are your pieces. They came from him, but they no longer belong to him. He is not you. And you are not him. Do not let fear lead your life."
That night, I agreed. I was going to live another life to save my friends, to save myself. We sat together with his hand on my shoulder
"You'll be here when I wake up right?" I asked.
"Yes I will be, now Are you ready? It's a good 50 years of information. That's two straight days in real time." he warned me. I shook but took a deep breath, I needed to do this. I needed to escape fears hold on my life.
"Ok." I agreed.
He then pressed his forehead to mine, within minutes I was no longer in the hotel, and I was no longer Hibiki.
...
Haruto wished to be buried on the hill we visited. We walked out there and I dug the hole. When I found his shoulder to tell him I was done, he was already dead.
I could feel the rising sun's warmth coming from the direction he faced. If I could see, I'm sure it would have been a beautiful last sight.
I buried him and marked his grave with rocks and stones, I was going to come back and give him a proper tombstone.
I sat in front of his grave on my hands and knees. My third life lay dead under me.
I have died twice now, two lives had ended.
"Thanks, Haruto," I whispered.
With my pack on my waist and the cane in my hands, I left Haruto's hill.