Maura wasn't exactly sure how they had moved from the kitchen to the bedroom and how she had given into raw desire yet again. Well, she understood exactly how she had given in to the desire that burned through her body when Jane had started kissing and touching and pulling her towards the bedroom. She could never say no to Jane when she was demanding and insistent, and she had been very demanding as their clothes had been tugged off and tossed away unceremoniously during the journey.
What she couldn't comprehend was how once again despite her logical brain warning her that it might not be the best idea; she had given in to biological urges. Of course Jane held sway over her, but this time the stakes were a lot more complicated. Jane's mental health should have been her priority, not her own sexual needs; but then her logical brain didn't afford much time to process those thoughts before base needs took control.
The concern invaded her thoughts again once she had come down from the intense orgasm Jane had provided her. Her breathing was still ragged when Jane tucked herself into her side and brought her head to rest on her chest. The memory of the last time they had been in this position caused a sudden bout of melancholy to flood her body. Maura sighed heavily and shrugged away from Jane, turning on her side away from the detective, attempting to hide the tears she felt building.
Jane's brow furrowed in confusion when Maura turned away, but then more forgotten memories filtered back into her brain and she recalled what had happened the last time they had been physically intimate. An involuntary shudder coursed through her body, she had been a complete asshole and while she didn't know her motivations because so many memories were missing, she knew enough to know that the last time they were together had something to do with Maura's distress. She scooted over, pressed her front against Maura's back and wrapped an arm around her body in an attempt to soothe.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm not gonna run away this time Maura." She placed several tender kisses on Maura's back, hoping that her actions could speak for her because she knew she didn't have the right words. "I wanted this."
Maura had to admit that when Jane tried, she could be very physically reassuring. The warmth of their bodies pressed together and the soft kisses pressed into her back forced back some of the immediate fear, but there was still an immense guilt pervading her body. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"For what?" Jane queried curiously.
"We shouldn't have, I mean… I should have stopped us. Your mental health is priority." Maura felt ashamed for not having been stronger.
"Don't say that. I'm starting to remember things Maura; and I think it's because of you." She felt around with her hand until she found one of Maura's and could entwine their fingers. "I don't want you to apologise for loving me, because that's what this is for you."
The word choice wasn't lost on Maura. She was a master of words after all and had often manipulated them to skirt the truth while avoiding an outright lie. This instance though the words that she knew were meant to soothe, only caused her to feel uneasy. She knew she shouldn't ask, but couldn't help herself. "And what is it for you?"
"Trust." Jane said simply.
She understood where Maura's thought process had gone, it was a logical conclusion, but she knew she couldn't tell Maura she loved her because she didn't. At least she didn't feel it yet but she suspected if the memories that were finding their way back were anything to go on, it wouldn't be long before she did. She just knew that she trusted Maura completely, that there was a need within herself to protect Maura in any way possible and that she found the doctor incredibly attractive.
Jane watched as Maura shifted forwards to create some space before shifting on to her other side so that they were face to face. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I really do want to be here with you." She reached out and traced Maura's lips with her fingertips, "So beautiful."
Maura blushed at the compliment and offered an accepting smile. "I think I like this new you."
"Oh really?" Jane quirked an eyebrow playfully, while maintaining a steady eye on her lover.
"You're a lot more open about your feelings."
"Yeah well, I get the feeling I am a bit of a jerk about that. I remember what I did to you last time we were … you know… gah, you know what I mean. I hurt you, and I don't want to do that again." Jane sighed and closed her eyes momentarily, trying to sift through the conflicting thoughts and emotions. It wasn't as easy to be as open as she was making it out to be, but she had remembered enough to know that she had the power to destroy the woman lying opposite her and it wasn't something she wanted to take lightly
Maura watched Jane thoughtfully, appreciative of her consideration, but curious to see what else she had remembered. "What else do you remember?"
"Just that brief moment with Hoyt at the prison and our last encounter and the fact I was an ass about it. It's frustrating not being able to understand why I behaved in ways that just aren't me and I am a bit worried about what else I have to remember, but at least I am remembering some stuff, right?"
Maura sighed, "You were an ass as you put it, because you were being stubborn and retreating from what had occurred between us, plus I think you just wanted to protect me from perceived threats."
"Well I'm a protective person, doesn't mean I should be an ass." Jane yawned and stretched her arms before settling more comfortably into the mattress. "I'm ready to sleep."
"Okay." Maura rolled back onto her back and closed her eyes, once again leaving Jane to make any decisions about how much closer they would be.
Jane watched Maura for a few minutes before she asked, "Would you uh, would you mind if I held you?"
Maura didn't say anything, simply smiled before adjusting so that she was once again the little spoon. She threaded her hand through Jane's resting on her stomach and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
"You look tired, Victor." Penelope Garcia stated without her usual vibrancy, her image streaming through the monitors in the BRIC.
Agent Mancini exhaled heavily, he hadn't slept well the night before. His mind kept playing over the interview with Ryan Leiland, which had proven as fruitless as his partner had suggested it would. Still there was a certain level of smarmy arrogance that Leiland had exuded that rubbed him the wrong way, but with nothing more to go on he knew they wouldn't be getting warrants to access personnel files from Leiland Software and Technologies.
He leaned forward on his chair, placing his forearms on the desk in front of him and looked up at the FBI Technical Analyst. "Sleepless night. Did you find any interesting LSaT employees for me to investigate further?"
"That would be a negative, but I am more interested in what I couldn't find. It appears that Ryan Leiland is a very private man, I couldn't find any information on his family, outside of his mother and the charity he operates in her name."
Mancini threw a sideways glance at Nina, "What about you Ms Holiday, what did you find?"
"I'm afraid much of the same; the birth certificate I located didn't have his father listed." Nina offered with an apologetic shrug, knowing that if Garcia hadn't found anything, that she doubted there was anything more she would find in her own searches.
"I can tell you that Leiland attended MIT, where he excelled, and that he built his business from his bedroom as a teenager. His systems are renowned for security and are vigorously tested; granted not much can keep me out," Garcia said with a chuckle before sobering up, "Leave it with me though Victor, I will find more out about this guy. I am after all the omniscient one; he won't be able to hide from me forever."
Agent Blake strolled through the doors of the BRIC a bag with some breakfast bagels in one hand and a cup holder with four coffees in the other. She handed a cup to Nina and placed two cups in front of her partner, whom she knew would have had a restless night. "Get that into ya partner," she said with a smirk while she pulled a bagel from the bag before dropping that in front of Mancini as well.
"Good morning Agent Blake, I am glad to see you taking care of my stud muffin." Garcia chimed in brightly upon seeing the crease of a smile form on Mancini's face when the smell of quality coffee hit his system.
Blake turned to look at Garcia's image and smiled brightly, "Somebody has to. Anything?"
Garcia smiled at Blake's usual straight down to business manner. "I'm afraid I still have to do some digging on Ryan Leiland, he's hiding things and I don't like it when boys get selfish with their toys."
Nina stifled a laugh; she had quickly learned that Penelope Garcia was not your stereotypical FBI employee. "Everyone else that has access to the BPD system appears to check out, at least as far as Jane's theory of a cop in the family. They appear to be the usual run of the mill computer geeks, leading normal well adjusted lives. I'm with Garcia with regards to being suspicious of the lack of information available on Mr Leiland."
Blake shuddered at the heebie jeebies she'd gotten from the man during the interview the previous morning. "That guy creeps me out, I'm almost hoping he is the unsub. Just so I can wipe that shit-eating grin off of his face."
"I'll see what I can dig up my lovelies, however I need to go. My team has just touched down in St. Louis and will be requiring my assistance shortly. Stay safe people." Garcia's image disappeared from the screens in the room, leaving the two feds with Nina and their coffee.
Agent Mancini took a large mouthful of the coffee and let out a contented sigh. "I see you hit that café down the block. Good stuff, Blake."
Agent Blake waved him away with her bagel laden hand, before taking a much needed bite of her breakfast. Once she had swallowed she said, "I know you partner, this case is getting to you and after that slimeball's condescension yesterday… well yeah, I didn't sleep much either."
Nina sipped appreciatively at her coffee, contemplating what she had learned. "Is there anything else we have to point to Leiland as a viable suspect? Besides the apparent lack of family history available online? I get that his company designed our systems here, but maybe he's just a private jackass?"
"Nah there isn't," Mancini almost growled, not at Nina, but more in frustration. "And even if we can find some information that helps him fit the profile, it's gonna be hard to prove. I just don't like the guy; he's a real piece of work."
"That and we really don't have anything else to go on. Feeling like every lead we get leads straight to a brick wall. Leiland definitely fits the category of calculated and organised like the unsub, and he has the computer skills that have been the bane of our existence so far." Blake added; the frustration showing in her voice.
"But then there are his humanitarian efforts with that charity named after his mother. The Sarah Martin Memorial Charity… but then, he wouldn't be the first person to hide behind philanthropy for insidious reasons." Mancini hated playing devil's advocate, but he knew that they had to simmer down their dislike of the man and look at the situation impartially, or they might just miss valuable insight.
"Well, I can go through the backgrounds of his employees again, see if something else sticks out." Nina offered, sensing the flagging morale in the room.
Mancini nodded in agreement, "Yeah thanks Nina." He stood and juggled the bag with his bagel and his two cups of coffee as he indicated to his partner they should head to the taskforce's staging room.
Blake chuckled at his hilarious attempts at juggling everything, which he did indeed manage, and followed him out of the room after asking Nina to keep them informed should she come across anything potentially useful.
A/N: I guess I like a little symmetry in some things... although this time Jane got a chance to behave better ;) As usual all my thanks and love to the wonderful readers and reviewers of this story. It has by farbecome the most popular of my works, exceeding 150 followers and exceeding 50 favourites, not to mention closing in on 300 reviews. I truly appreciate the time you take to tell me how you feel. Thank you.