Accidents happen
A/N: Hey out there reading public! My goodness! Why is it every time I think a chapter's horrible no one else does? Heh, it's funny, you guys really keep me going, you know that? Well, I'm glad so many of you liked last chapter and were so anxious for this one! I won't keep you from it any longer, here's chapter 25.
Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling thereby I don't own Hogwarts or any of the characters you all know and love, however, I may make up a few of my own along the way and come up with some other stuff to so if you don't recognize it then it's probably mine, though, if you want I'll tell you exactly what's what, I mean, if it truly bothers you or something (although I honestly can't see why it would, I mean, this is fanfiction after all). I do own Professor Ronts, Professor Sune, Sam, Seri and any other side characters I throw in there. So you can just think of it as, if they don't sound familiar to you, their mine.
Chapter 25
Sirius hadn't done so much serious thinking in a LONG time, if ever at all. As far as he could remember he'd never really questioned himself like this before but now that he had, the questions seemed to never end.
"Why hadn't I thought of these before? How long have I felt this way, BEEN this way? What else can there be about me…"
"Who am I…really…" he murmured to the paper on the desk.
Self-exploration was nothing he'd ever really done before, but now that all these questions presented themselves he didn't know what to do about it.
In the dungeon, Ronts was surprised at his lack of sarcasm to what they were doing and even more so to his lack of speech in general. Sure, it was as dark and dank as ever, but he usually had some smart remark to make, just to make the class more interesting. But, she shrugged it off as nothing and released the class, noting how he absent-mindedly put his things back into his bag.
Sirius put his bag over his shoulder and exited the class. The hallway there was far lighter so one could actually see the thoughtful look on his face as he walked along.
The dungeon and the library were both on the same lower level of the school so he had to go up a few flights of stairs to get to his next class.
"I have Transfiguration next…that guy Dylan is…nice, or whatever, maybe I can seat next to him today, see if I have any reaction to that…" he thought; his eyes focused on his moving feet as he made his way up the stairs. "Or, maybe this whole thing is a load of nonsense and I'm actually going insane. Or-or I'm having after-effects to the antidote."
"Oh come on, a change in life style isn't madness!"
"You, shut up. If I want your help I'll ask for it."
"All I'm saying is-"
"LOOK OUT!!!"
But before Sirius could even look up books showered from the sky, though none of them really hit him because a person came the tumbling down the stairs first and crashed right into him and whoever it was probably got hit by the majority of the books. He did feel when his back collided with the hard floor however and felt the combine weight of whoever had fallen as well.
For a moment his eyes were closed in pain but when he opened them a gasp escaped his lips.
---
Remus had (of course) gotten dressed fully before he asked Professor McGonagall if he could go to Madam Pomfrey for the first class of the day. She, being one who knew of his condition, let him go without questioning it.
The full moon was only a few days off and she knew that he'd soon be completely drained, if not already was. Thing is, around this time, he usually would be. He'd sleep like there was no tomorrow and seem near dead to the human eye.
The reason being was that he body was conserving energy. It took a LOT of energy to change ones bone structure, completely against their will. And it took just as much, if not more, to change back.
"And pain. It takes a lot of pain to." He thought darkly.
But this whole 'mate' thing had really given him a burst of energy. He had to find out if there was some way to reverse it, he just had to! So, instead of going to Madam Pomfrey's room to sleep (as he usually did), he ran to the library and checked out a huge stack of books on werewolves. He would have stayed in the library but the old librarian kept casting him evil looks, as if she had something planned.
Considering how his last trip to the library went, he wouldn't be surprised if she did have some sort of trap or something for him, so he gathered up all his books and left the library.
He had to stack the books with his wand because all the books together went a bit over his head. He held his arms out as if to catch them and then flicked his wand at them, muttering "Hoardmortum." and they neatly piled themselves in his open arms.
Going up the stairs was easy, it was coming back down to put them back that was difficult. He'd found out only one new thing out of all the books. If the mate that a werewolf took WASN'T a werewolf like them, the werewolf would try to turn their mate into one. This only made Remus more nervous. Other then that, the books were of no help at all, none of them mentioned anything about annulling the bite and he'd been looking though them all morning. The second class of the day was about to start and he thought it best not to miss too much work, though all the teachers would full-heartedly allow him to.
He was on the last flight of stairs to the library. He'd had a few close calls back there, stepping on his robe, bumping into someone once, but it was now that his luck ran out. He overstepped in trying to get to the next step and felt himself lose his balance. The books went up in the air and he went crashing down.
"LOOK OUT!!!" he shouted, unaware if there was anyone there or not, but thought it safer to just give warning.
Turns out he was right and crashed right into the poor innocent by-standard. The books pelted his back as he and the person he'd rammed into fell to the bottom of the stairs.
However, once all the falling and raining of books stopped, he felt himself able to breath freely again and once he did, he knew who'd he had fallen with; it didn't take the gasp to alert him.
The rich scent that layered him…it was revitalizing and he felt that primal feeling growing as it had before when he looked back at Sirius and caught his eye.
But the confused look that met him brought his mind back to reality.
"No! I'm not that mindless monster, I'm Remus!" he thought, springing up from Sirius.
A bit of concern mixed with confusion as Sirius sat up "Rem, you ok?" he said slowly.
Remus stared at him for a moment before running back up the stairs he'd came, all the while fighting back the animalistic feeling deep inside that told him to turn back and take his mate.
"He's not my mate, he's NOT! I've got to stop thinking like this, it isn't true!"
"You can't fight what you are…" a dark voice growl.
He shook his head and quickened his pace, putting as much distance between Sirius and himself as he possibly could! He ran all the way until he reached the Fat Lady.
"H…H…Himplumup…" he panted as he came up to her.
She nodded and swung open and he raced inside. A few people were in, but only to get their books and such that they'd forgotten before going back out to their classes so no one was really too surprised when Remus rushed in and ran to his dorm.
As soon as he closed the door he kept his back to it, as if he thought Sirius were chasing him or something before he slowly sank to the floor, his hand on the sides of his head.
He closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself the chance to breath.
Sirius' scent lingered in his nose.
"Ugh…I need to stop thinking this way. Even if by the wolf's standards he is my 'mate' I have no right to act as if he is! He wasn't even there at the time, I can't force this on him…" he muttered to himself.
For a moment he just sat there, but eventually, he was able to trust himself enough to stand up.
A yawn escaped him as he stood "Hm…maybe, I should take a nap…" and as he walked to his bed, he passed a mirror that hung on the wall and his thoughts were confirmed at one look at himself.
His hair was thin and seemed to be turning white with all this stress, his skin looked clammy and murky, the dark circles under his eyes were more noticeable then ever and his eyes seemed to have dulled.
James had put it best that morning, he looked like hell!
"Scratch that, I NEED to take a nap…" he murmured tiredly, dragging his feet to his bed.
Once he lay down, the coolness of the sheets was comforting, but just as he felt sleep nearing, the musky smell returned to his nose. He sat up to see if he was alone…he was.
He blinked in confusion for a moment but realized he'd been laying on his side a second ago, facing Sirius' bed. The smell was so strong; it was almost as if Sirius were still there…he breathed deeply and the succulent smell wafted to him once more, it calmed something deep within him.
Without really thinking about what it was he was doing, he got up out of his bed and walked over to Sirius'. The logical part of his brain said this was a bad idea, if Sirius or James or Peter happened to come in this would be very awkward to explain, but he didn't care. Logic could get stuffed, he hadn't had a decent nights sleep in a while and something told him it was because the wolf had been cut off from his mate.
Well, this would be the closest it'd ever get.
He lay down in Sirius' bed and pulled the pillow close to his face. The deep calming affect it had made his eyes droopy and he had a feeling he'd get to sleep this time.
He let out a contented sigh and snuggled closer to the pillow and let slumber consume him.
---
Now THAT had to be one of the weirdest things that had ever happened to him.
Remus had gotten up so fast, he probably didn't even realize he'd left his wand behind and what's worse, he just abandoned all those library books that Sirius now took back.
As he gathered them up though, he was surprised by titles of the books: Behavioral patterns of a modern day werewolf, Life as a werewolf, How to deal with werewolves in heat, Mating patterns of Dark magical creatures. The list went on and on.
But that wasn't even the thing that weirded him out most. The look Remus had given him when the falling had stopped is what gave him goosebumps. For a moment, his eyes dilated, his pupil was so wide, Sirius could see himself reflecting in them and he had a strange, almost animalistic look of hunger on his face…it was alarming, to say the least. But it was gone, almost as soon as it came.
He had jumped up, horror taking the place of the strange look and even as Sirius asked if he was ok, Remus looked like he was about to run, which he did.
Sirius shuddered, just thinking about that look creeped him out. What the hell was that about? And why was Remus looking through so much weird stuff? Maybe it had to do with the approaching moon.
Sirius frowned slightly "Oh…I hope he's ok. We'll have to watch him extra closely if he thinks he's in heat or something. No wonder he's reading up on it, maybe he thinks he'll try to get a human here or something…do werewolves do that with humans?"
He shrugged; you'd think they'd only want to do it with other werewolves.
The librarian was NOT HAPPY about the conditions of the books when Sirius returned them, but no matter how many times he explained it to her, she screeched that she'd be telling Prof. Dumbledore and he'd have detention for the rest of the year.
"You just wait, when Professor Dumbledore hears about this…now what's your name?" she snapped.
Sirius was tempted to ask if she was seriously asking him his name, but stopped himself. It was rare that he ever came to the library so of course she wouldn't know his name…he could be anyone he wanted to be right now.
A devious smirk came to his lips "Snape. Severus Snape, ma'am. That's with two 'E's…ah, there you go."
She scowled at him, her eyes magnified by her glasses "You think you're so clever Mr. Snape, well, we'll see how clever you feel when I tell Prof. Dumbledore about this!"
But why stop there? After all, Snape was always so keen to poke in their business and try getting them in trouble…it's not like he didn't deserve it.
His smirk widened "Yeah? Well you should also tell him that I, Severus Snape, think he's an empty minded GIT who knows nothing about running a school and that you, my dear lady, are a withered old HAG who looks ready to keel-over at any second."
The librarian's eyes widened comically behind her specs and her mouth dropped open, completely shocked that he'd said that.
Sirius inwardly grinned "And now for the grand finale…"
"Oh, and I ripped a couple pages out of those books for reference, scribbled in all the Standard books and sneak into the restricted section on a daily bases."
Anger replaced fear completely and she actually stood up, shaking with rage "Why you…you…you…"
"Again, that's Severus with two 'E's ma'am." He said with a cheeky grin and darted, just as she grabbed her wand.
She shot three spells at his feet, but missed "GET BACK HERE YOU, YOU MANGY SKUNK! YOU HOODLUM!!!" she screeched, actually leaving her library/sanctuary to chase after him a bit, but not getting to far from it.
Sirius was to fast anyway and was halfway up the second flight of stairs before he stopped running. He leaned against the wall for a second to catch his breath…once he had, he laughed so hard a few passer-bys gave him strange looks.
"Oh man…haha, I gotta remember to do that one more often…" he said as he calmed down a bit.
Just as he'd calmed himself though, the stairs began to move around, his that was originally leading to the Transfiguration switched around with the stairway that was going more towards the Gryffindor common room.
He blinked "Oh, well it's just as good, I have to give Remus his wand back anyway, I'm sure McGonagall won't mind me being a bit late."
Once the stairs ceased their movement, he continued going what was once up, though it was now down then went up a different set of stairs which lead to the Fat Lady.
"Password?" she said.
"Himplumup." He said, and walked in once she swung open.
Now, he wasn't exactly sure if Remus would be here, but he'd probably either be in the dorm or in the Hospital Wing, because around this time, he'd be too tired to function and would be sleeping in one of the two places.
He walked up to the dorm and slowly opened the door as softly as he could. If Remus was in here sleeping, he got very angry when woken. And as he stepped in, soft breathing reached his ears.
He smirked, "Lucky guess."
As quietly as he could, he tip-toed to the counter by Remus' bed to put his wand there, but stopped when he saw Remus' bed was unoccupied. For a moment he stood there, confused, but not for long, as his eyes were drawn to the figure, laying on their back, in his bed.
Sirius blinked in confusion "Get to tired to tell our beds apart?" he whispered to the sleeping Remus after putting his wand on the counter.
All he got in response was his soft breathing. Sirius looked around "You didn't even draw the curtains close…" he whispered, waving his wand at the open curtains to close them and keep out the bright sunlight.
He smiled "There you go. You'll probably get a better sleep without those lights in your eyes."
Silence
He stood there for a moment, unsure of why really, just staring at him as he slept. Though it was harder to see now, Remus' skin was a shallow color…he was also really gaunt now, more then usual…he looked so fragile, like just one touch could break him…Sirius moved a bit of the tawny hair from Remus' face, though now it look so light that it was almost white…even his hair felt weak…he was practically vulnerable…
Sirius shook his head "What the hell are you doing, idiot? As if you're not late enough for class as it is…" he muttered to himself as he turned to the door.
Just as he was about to leave, however, something grabbed his arm.
"Sirius…"
Sirius' eyes widened and he didn't turn around at once, had Remus been awake that whole time? What would he say? How was he going to explain himself standing over him, watching him sleep, like some kind of creepy stalker?
Sirius cringed at the thought and slowly turned…and was enormously relieved to see Remus' eyes were closed, though his breathing was no longer soft.
"Merlin Remus, your hands are as cold as death…" he whispered, freeing his arm from his grip.
It was true to, Remus' hands were ice cold for some reason…but before he could give it much thought Remus spoke again:
"Hnn, no…please…Sirius…don't go…please, Sirius…" he whimpered, creases appearing on his forehead.
Sirius stared at him for a moment, why was he saying his name?
What could he possibly be seeing behind those closed eyes? How could he be involved…curiosity threw little threads around him and reeled him in as the question posed itself again, why did he say his name?
Slowly, without even realizing that he was moving, he leaned forward over the edge of the bed cautiously…
Keeping in a yelp of shock was all he could do, when he sudden felt a hand grab his arm once more and pull him down to the bed with surprising strength.
His breathing went ridged as Remus put both his arms around him and spoke once more:
"Please don't go Sirius, don't leave me…" he mumbled, almost desperately.
"Well at the moment, I don't think I can…" Sirius thought, wiggling slightly to try getting out of his grip, only to have Remus hug him tighter. "Dammit Remus, let go! I'm already late enough as it is…"
But thoughts of that nature stopped when Remus spoke again:
"Don't leave me Sirius, don't leave I…I love you…" he whispered.
Sirius stopped all movement and glanced over at him to see his eyes were indeed close but behind his eyelids he could see them moving (1), there was no doubt that he was asleep.
"…D…Do you, mean that?" Sirius said aloud, not really expecting an answer.
But he got one.
Remus' grip loosened slightly "Yes…I mean it, so badly I do…I love you, Sirius…no one else…"
And that was it.
No more speaking after that, though Remus did keep his grip on him for a while.
"He's just dreaming." He told himself.
"But he's dreaming about YOU."
"SO?! Th-that doesn't MEAN anything! Last night I dreamt James played an entire Quidditch match naked, does that mean I love him?!"
"No, it means you shouldn't eat biscuits before bed! And in that dream you didn't say things like 'I love you', you told James to get some clothes on."
"Well even still! I mean, if Remus does mean all that, that doesn't mean I return the feeling!"
"Well do you?!"
"I…I don't know! I mean…ugh…I dunno anything any more…"
"Maybe you should ask him out, you could find out that way."
"Are you mad?! After what just happened, all that love potion crap?! And the fact that we've been trying to set him up with other people?! No, no, his reputation is just barely getting better, I can't destroy it all again!"
"I don't think he really CARES what they think. I think he cares more about what you think! Why, if you ask me-"
"WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU?!"
"-If you ask me, I think he really does lo-"
"Would you shut up?! Look, maybe, I dunno, but one thing's for sure, I can't do anything about it now. I could ask him out or whatever but what good will that do? I need to have more time to myself, just to straighten it all out…"
And that was the end of that.
He laid completely still as Remus' breathing slowly went back to normal, whatever he was dreaming about seemed to have passed.
Sirius hadn't bothered to try moving for a while now. He and Remus were somewhat face to face…and again, he was reminded of how frail he looked…his lips were parted slightly, even they seemed to had lost some color…even in such a weakened state he did look…moderately handsome…he also looked helpless…something about that made Sirius want to stay there, just to make sure nothing would happen to him.
"What, in the dorm?" he almost scoffed at the ridiculous idea.
But as he stared at Remus' sleeping face, a thought formed…
"M…Maybe…maybe I do…"
Remus let out a small groan and released Sirius, then turned to his other side.
Sirius remained in his spot for a moment, but slowly got up from the bed and walked out of the room, shaking his head "That's the last time I do a good deed…"
---
Remus yawned and stretched his hands high over his head "Ah…that had to be one of my better sleeps…" he murmured.
"That dream though…"
He couldn't remember if it'd had been good or bad, just that Sirius was in it…almost as if Sirius was actually there…
"Don't be stupid, it was probably just because you could smell him on this bed." he thought, pushing the covers back.
His back popped slightly as he sat up and stretched again "Ow! I swear…I won't be surprised if I break something just by waking up one of these days…" he muttered to the darkness.
He blinked, as if just hearing what he'd just said, "Dark? What time is it?" he put his hands in his pockets but…
"Oh no…wh-where's my wand?!" he exclaimed, groping around the dark room.
It wasn't until he'd bumped his foot on the counter did he feel up there and relief spread fast once he felt the tip of his wand.
"When did I put my wand on the counter?"
"Well you must have done it sometime, it's there isn't it?"
"Yes…I suppose…" he said, though he didn't sound fully convinced.
"Maybe you did while you were half-asleep. It was poking into your side so you put it on the counter then went back to sleep…"
He frowned "That could've happened but…well, I don't remember waking up at all…"
Whatever it was, he just shrugged it off and pointed his wand at the curtains to see if the sun was even up.
"When did I close the curtains?"
"Ugh, just forget about it!"
The curtains showed the sun was down and the moon was beginning to rise, though it wasn't up all the way, it gave a sort of glow that lit the room nicely, as if calling out to him.
Remus frowned at the sight of it "Yes, yes, I know…three more days by the look of it." He muttered darkly.
As much as he hated the moon, he feared it to…feared what it made him become…
"Well, if I'm lucky maybe dinner is still being served…" he said, trying to shake off the awful feeling he usually got when thinking about the moon.
With the mind set of dinner firmly in his main thought, he pulled on his shoes and going out the door. He didn't meet anyone on his way to the Great Hall so he was right in his assumption that dinner was still being served.
As always, some people turned to look when the doors were suddenly opened and surprised to see Remus just barely coming in, looking sickly as ever. A few whispers circulated.
"Oh, he's sick again."
"Look at how pale he is!"
"I wonder what's wrong with him…"
He'd grown somewhat use to the usual questions on his appearance at this time so he didn't really falter. One thing that made him perturbed was the cold look Severus Snape always seemed to give him at this time.
Remus had a strange feeling that he knew, but was keeping it over his head…as if to blackmail him with it later…it made him very uneasy…
At the end of the table, Remus was surprised to see the back of Seri's head among his friends. He'd had thought that after their break-up she'd want to keep a bit of distance for a while, but didn't really mind either way.
He smiled as best he could as he sat next to her "Evenin' guys." He said, stifling a yawn.
No matter how much he slept during these times he just never felt rested enough.
Seri smiled at first but it feel once she saw him "Oh Remus, are you alright? You look awful! Do you have a fever? You should probably still be in bed." As she said this she put a hand to his forehead.
Peter let out an unhappy sigh and looked back at his plate.
Remus smiled at her concern but waved off her hand "No, no, I'm fine. In any case I haven't really eaten much all day."
"You certainly have slept enough!" James said jokingly.
Seri frowned slightly "I don't know…Sirius said you were so tired you couldn't even tell which bed was yours, you should probably get more rest."
Remus knocked over a goblet "Er, sorry…"
"HE WAS THERE?!?" was what almost slipped out of his mouth.
He slowly glanced up at Sirius who seemed to be concentrating hard on his plate. Remus could see he looked almost…embarrassed?
"Oh no…how long was he there for?! Did I say anything in my sleep?" he thought horrifiedly as he stared at the mashed potatoes he'd absentmindedly been spooning onto his plate.
Dinner was oddly quiet as the prickling sense of embarrassment took up most of the table.
James looked both at Sirius then at Remus "Hmm…I wonder…"
---
End A/N: Alrighty! Not my best ending but I couldn't really think of a good ending for the chap so bare with me! Whew, was that chapter long or was it just me? I dunno, it just seemed incredibly long to me. In any case, hope you guys liked it! Reviews please:D
(1): That would be R.E.M sleep, Rapid Eye Movement, the state you're in when you're dreaming. Heh, funny it's called that huh? Rem, R.E.M, haha, sorry I'm a nerd!