Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

A/N: Reviewers = amazing!

You guys, you have me blushing like a little school girl. Thank so much for reading/reviewing/adding me/this story to your list. It means a lot, and I'm glad you like this story so much. Yes, it's coming to an end fairly soon, but I say enjoy the ride while you can :)


Chapter 25

Love is definitely not something I saw for myself. And now, knowing that Spencer loves me...I'm constantly swept away.

I still haven't told her, but she's been so perfect about it, never pushing me. She hasn't said it again, but she doesn't really have to, because I can see it in everything she does.

Currently, I can feel love in this room, though the aura of sadness is hard to ignore too.

I'm at her grandma's funeral.

I wasn't planning on going, but Spencer asked me to go, and I knew I wouldn't be able to say no. I don't miss the questioning look her mom sent to me when she saw me walk in. It's not mean, just confused. Most likely because she doesn't understand why I'm here when I have no connections to her mother-in-law.

I don't tell her that I'm here just for Spencer. I think she knows it anyway.
Mr. Carlin gives everyone quick hugs, offering a wane smile. When I saw it, I started to tear up. It's hard seeing the normally composed, amiable man holding back his own tears. Even Glen is obviously upset, and it's heartbreaking to see both strong men so broken.

I hate funerals. A lot. I've only been to my dad's, and that's enough to make me hate all of them. I didn't even want to go to his, but my mom made me, saying we had to give our farewells to him.

What she meant was we had to make an appearance for the press. Even when I was a kid I could read into the context of her words. It only took me about 12 years to realize she was a selfish bitch.

I've secluded myself to the back of the room. Spencer's up front with her family, accepting many awkward, supposed-to-be-comforting hugs. If the situation wasn't so grave, I might laugh.

I'm wondering if I should get in the long line of people offering their condolences, though I know I have no idea what to say. 'Hey, sorry to hear about Grandma Carlin, but I was glad to find out it was her who had cancer and not Spencer,' doesn't exactly seem like the most tactful thing to say to them.

"You know, usually people hide out in the bathroom, not in the corner."

I roll my eyes at the voice. As if the funeral needed to get more depressing.

"Well, had I known you were going to find me, I would have hidden better."

Madison looks me up and down. "Oh yes, because you would have blended in with the green walls."

I know I'm supposed to be thinking about Grandma Carlin, but honestly, the walls are the most hideous green ever. I think this is called lime, though I'm thinking 'puke' is more accurate. Is it illegal for funeral homes to have nice colors? Or does it have to match the atmosphere of the place?

I sigh. Just because Madison may have saved my ass like twenty times, doesn't mean I want to talk to her. "Is there any reason why you're here?" Besides to piss me off, of course.

She looks around pointedly. "Spencer's my best friend. I'm here for her. I'm guessing you are too?"

I avoid her gaze as I blush. I'm mad that I'm such a girl about it. She wasn't even teasing me. "Yeah..."

"Well then let's go see her," she says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh no, no that's ok." I'm too nervous to go up there. "I'll wait till after things have calmed down."

Madison rolls her eyes. "That's your way of saying you're too scared. Come on." She grabs my hand and pulls me along, not even caring that she didn't ask for permission.

"Sure," I murmer sarcastically, knowing - and not caring - that she isn't listening.

As we stand in the slowly diminishing line, I can feel myself getting more nervous. There's only a few people in front of us, and I find myself making an excuse to use the restroom.

Madison quickly grabs my wrist and yanks me back to her. "Don't you dare," she whispers harshly in my ear.

I'm actually a little scared at her tone. It's pretty intense, and I find myself nodding dumbly as I comply.

"I just..I don't know what to say," I confess weakly. I don't even care that it's to Madison, I just need to tell some one.

She turns and puts her hands on my shoulders, brown eyes looking at me with such warmth that I'm taken aback. "You don't have to say anything." She gives me a slight smile. "Just be here for her. Simple as that."

I look at her with such gratitude, and I take us both by surprise when I give her a brief hug. She squeezes me just as quickly, and then we let go, both smiling as we make a show of brushing off the germs.

"That was your one and only, Davies," she warns me with a stern voice, finger shaking for emphasis.

I roll my eyes at her threat and the use of my last name. I know she did it just because. I find that I don't mind.
We're next in line, and I can feel my nerves slip away as Spencer looks at me. I'm a little jittery as I stand in front of her mom, but I push it aside as I feel the warmth of Spencer so close by.

"I'm really sorry for your loss," Madison tells her softly but sincerely. She gives Mrs. Carlin a warm hug, something I wish I had the courage to do.
I can't help but be jealous of Madison's closeness to their family, especially Mrs. Carlin. I've been over to Spencer's house, but never have I encountered the older blonde. I can't decided if I should count my blessings or be mad.

I echo Madison's sentiments, hoping I don't sound hollow. It seems to be ok, given by the hand Mrs. Carlin puts on my shoulder, followed by a soft smile and warm squeeze of her hand. Glen nods at me tearfully, and I'm afraid to hug him, because I know the tears I've held in check all day will finally fall if I do. It seems to be the same for him, and we give each other a sad smile in understanding.

Next is Mr. Carlin. I can hear Madison and Spencer sharing tears and broken whispers as they embrace beside us. He gives me a brave smile, and I swallow heavily and put my arms around him, glad that he seems surprised - though pleasantly so - by my actions.

"It's good to see you, Ashley. It means a lot." He doesn't add Spencer's name, but his gaze flicks to her, and I catch the hidden message.

"I wish it was under different circumstances." I can't help as my eyes flicker to the closed casket. I'm just thankful it's closed. I don't want my first - and last - meeting with Spencer's grandmother to be while she's so cold and stiff. Not when the image I created of her is so warm and alive, much like Spencer.

Her and Madison have finished hugging, and Madison discreetly nods towards the door, letting me know she's giving me my time with Spencer. I offer her a small, grateful smile.

Mr. Carlin has followed my gaze, mouth quirking as he catches me watching Spencer. "Go ahead, honey," he urges me gently, giving me a little push towards her.

"You came," she says softly as I stop in front of her. Her eyes are even clearer from her tears, but it can't cloud the love I feel radiating from them.

"Of course," I tell her like she's stupid. As if I hadn't debated with myself in front of the mirror for twenty minutes.

"I'm -" but I don't give her the chance to tell me what she is, because I wrap my arms around her, allowing myself to finally - really - breath for the first time today.

I feel her fall into me, arms instantly coming around me as she burries her head in the crook of my neck. Her sobs wrack her body, and I tighten my hold on her, rubbing her back softly as I will myself not to cry.

I'm supposed to be strong for her. I need to be strong for her.

"Thank you for coming," she whispers brokenly.

I pull back slightly and shake my head at her with a warm smile. "I'm right where I want to be."

I watch her face brighten as recognition hits her. Those were the same words she used a few days ago. Right before she told me she loved me.

She leans back into me. "I love you, Ashley."

I close my eyes as the feeling of safety overwhelms me. If possible, it's even sweeter the second time around. I pull her closer and press a soft kiss to her cheek.

I want to say it back to her. "Spence I-"

This time she cuts me off, putting her finger over my lips. I step back and look at her confused, wondering why she stopped me.

"Not like this." She touches my cheek lightly, and I close my eyes. "You'll know when it's right, and until then, I'll wait."

I step back and nod, finally understanding. Because she's right. I was going to say it in the wrong situation, for the wrong reason.

Because I'll only get one chance to say it to her, and when I finally say it, I know I'll want it to be perfect.

Because Spencer deserves nothing but the best.

Spencer deserves it all. And I'm going to give it to her.