Steve sat in a chair by the bed, staring out the french doors of he and Maggie's room. His expression showed no signs of the turmoil that erupted in the house earlier that morning, on the contrary, it was a blank expression as if he had been traumatized and was still in shock, and in a way he had been and still was.
Maggie had left the room and gone down stairs with Bridgette. She understood his argument of needing to go back to the hospital, but he needed to understand hers as well of not wanting to go back. The quarrel was short lived and he had yet to speak to her again after the violent tantrum that came out of him. She understood that part of it, knowing he was just scared and feeling helpless. She was scared too and needed him now more than ever.
His body and expression might have been expressionless but if anyone had the chance to look inside his head they would have been astounded at the turbulence that was thrashing around. He wasn't ready for this. He'd never given up on anything in his life and thought, why now? Why should he give up so easily now? And why should she? Something told him this fight wasn't over. The battle may not be going in Maggie's favor, but goddamnit, he'd never surrendered to anyone, ever! The hand of death wasn't going to be the one he was about to break his streak with either.
His temper began to flare up again, hating the house that had once been a sanctuary for him since he had brought her here, but now it felt like a tomb, closing in around him, knowing if he went downstairs that he'd be faced with the decision that she had made. He wasn't ready and he knew for a fact that she wasn't either, no matter what she declared. There had to be another way out of this fucking mess that was tearing them apart. There had to be a solution, no matter how insignificant it was, there had to be something.
The doctors didn't know shit, he thought bitterly. They only knew science and egos that spoke of incurable illnesses only because they didn't have an answer. There was always an answer. He knew that from experience. Every jam he'd ever got himself into, either military, work or love, there was always an answer. It didn't always look you in the eye or smack you up side the head, but it was there.
He had to search for an answer this time. It was a matter of life and death. Not only Maggie's but his as well. He wouldn't survive without her, knowing that now. He could live, he could breathe, but he didn't want to and that was the illness that was plaguing him, and it would eventually kill him in the end. That fact was as sure to him as the answer that lay out there, waiting to be found.
He heard the steps on the stairs approaching, looking over toward the locked bedroom door. He wouldn't go down there. He wouldn't do it, not until he had resolved all his resources, still not having a clue as to what they were, but he wasn't going to allow her to give up yet.
He got up from the chair and went in the closet slipping on a pair of Nikes and then to the dresser and grabbed the first shirt of the top of the neatly folded pile in the second drawer, sliding it over his head as he went out to the lanai through the open doors. He patted the side pocket of his shorts, feeling his phone there.
He glanced over the edge of the railing and moved down to the far right side, not necessarily for safety reasons but so he wouldn't be seen when he climbed over.
The idea of being seen seemed silly to him as he lifted a leg over and then the other standing on the other side of it. Bridgette was now knocking on the locked bedroom door and Maggie, well, Maggie couldn't see anything.
He jumped down and rolled as he hit, having performed that same stunt over and over in the military when parachuting, and at his current job when under pursuit of a criminal, knowing how to land.
He was back on his feet in seconds and stood for another second glancing inside the house. He knew without a doubt that she wouldn't go through with it if he weren't there. That was his only safety net in this whole nightmare. She wouldn't die without him.
He ran down the yard toward the beach having no idea where he was going. He came around the side of Father Kenai's church and stopped once out of sight of his house. He knew the first stop he would make though in his quest of an answer. It was one he had been making for the past three weeks, daily, unbeknownst to Maggie, or anyone else.
He came up the lawn of the church toward the candles on display under the small gazebo that was there to be lit for prayers. He crossed himself before kneeling down on the padded kneeler placed there for the parishioners for comfort.
He picked up the box of wooden matches that were supplied in a small inlet of the metal holder to shield them from nature's extremities. Even without rain, living so close to the water always brought moisture.
He lit one match and began his ritual of lighting every single candle in each row, even touching the ones that already burned from previous followers, keeping his childish belief that the more that were lit the more likely his prayers would be heard. It took three matches before he was done, shaking out the last one and dropping it in the small metal container next to the kneeler. He bent his head with his hands folded at his waist and gave his daily offering to God, begging for Maggie's life.
Father Kenai stood at the back doors of the church getting ready for the afternoon mass, watching Steve's ritual being performed. He understood now the reason behind the unusual consumption of candles that had been being used up. He'd been changing them almost every morning before mass. Most had burned out before he'd arrived after Steve's late night visits, and the rest had blown out from evening breezes off the ocean, but over the past couple of weeks the depletion had been well noticed.
He waited patiently for Steve to finish and then approached him as he crossed himself again and rose up.
"Steve."
He turned at the sound of his name, greeting him with a warm smile, "Hello Father."
"I've been meaning to come over and see you and Maggie. I've dropped by a couple of times but you weren't home." He stretched his hand out to him, but it wasn't necessarily a greeting as much as it was an inquiring one for his friend's well-being, putting his other hand on Steve's shoulder. "How is Maggie?"
He took his hand, always getting a warm sensation from it, but the smile faded.
Father Kenai saw the answer all over his face without having to be told. "Come inside, Steve," he said to him, moving his hand around his shoulder as they stepped inside the church.
They took a seat in one of the pews by the opened back glass doors.
Steve looked around the large open room never having been inside before. He felt the weight of that guilt hit him as he looked sheepishly over at Father Kenai. "I apologize for never coming to one of your sermons Father."
"Don't apologize for that," he replied kindly. "Many of God's army work outside the church." He squeezed Steve's shoulder, "You have a good heart and live a good life, that matters in not only my eyes but God's as well." He motioned to the candle display. "You pay your respects in other ways."
Steve's face turned sullen, "Selfish ones. I pray for Maggie, not for world peace. I pray that he won't take her from me. That's not paying my respect." He wondered in the back of his mind if he was being punished for that. "Maybe I shouldn't have been so self-seeking. Maybe he would have heard me."
"God doesn't punish for praying."
He looked over at him as tears filled his eyes, "Then why is he punishing me? I've been searching for an answer to why Maggie is dying, but I can't find one."
"There aren't always answers to God's plan, Steve."
"I know," he huffed, "he works in mysterious ways and we should never question God's plan, blah, blah, blah."
"There's a reason for everything, Steve."
"I know that." He turned in his seat to face him, "And with that I also believe there are solutions just as much as the reason for the problem."
"Not all problems can be solved," he replied.
"Why not?" Steve argued. "Why not?"
"Because we all face death, it's not a problem that can be resolved."
That hit home with him, knowing too that Father Kenai was just trying to reason with him on this terrible ordeal. "I understand that Father. I know death. I've met him quite a few times in my life, and he almost got a hold of me a couple of times too, but I was wise enough to escape because there was a solution. I feel that with Maggie. I feel there's a solution out there. I have to find it," he shook his head refusing to give up or give in. He glanced over at Father Kenai before asking his next question, wanting to see his first gut reaction. "Do you believe in miracles Father? I mean true blue out of this world miracles?"
"Yes," he replied without hesitation. "I've witnessed a few unexplained events that I consider miracles."
"So have I," Steve confessed. "That's why I can't give up on Maggie. I refuse to accept that the hand of God would take such an incredible person from this earth that is loved so much and given so much to others in her work and her life. I have to believe in miracles. I need to find a way to…to find one." He narrowed his eyes, looking at him questionably. "How do I do that?"
Father Kenai stared at the intent expression on Steve's face, knowing he was asking him that question because of his faith and leadership as a priest, but he had no answer for him. "I don't know, Steve."
His shoulders slouched, assuming he wasn't going to get the answer that easily, but was hoping that maybe God would speak to Father Kenai instead, kind of a makeshift interpreter.
The look of disappointment on his Steve's face became a look of desperation and then devastation. It moved father Kenai in a way that he began to doubt his own words of death and perhaps Steve was right, maybe there was a miracle out there just waiting to be found. He was a strong believer in his Christian faith but could not nor could he discredit the Hawaiian traditions of healing and faith in the island God's. He truly believed they existed just as much as the Son of God that he preached so often. "You know," Father Kenai began, "maybe this church isn't the one you should be seeking out."
Steve looked at him curiously, "What do you mean?"
"I speak of my God in my church, but I can't denounce others who believe with all of their hearts that their God is as just. I know you have faith in the islands as well as I do and growing up here has given you knowledge, you understand some of the cultures and beliefs." He shrugged as if his advice was a last resort. "Maybe you should try a Kahunas. A Hawaiian Healer."
Steve's face moved to disappointment again. "Those guys in the papers and local magazines are quacks."
"Not the ones that advertise their healing powers, but the ones that live in the hills among nature; the true Hawaiian healers, the ones that live on the North Shore of Niihau for example. They have traditions that go back generations. I've heard of native Hawaiians sending family members there when they've become ill instead of the western hospital treatment. Some have come away with little or no disease after treatment."
Steve nodded, recalling when he was younger hearing the same thing from friends that talked about such things. He never took it to heart being a teenager, he saw it only as a legend the same as some of the other Hawaiian stories that he'd been told. But maybe it wasn't legend after all, maybe this was his answer. "Do you know any of these healers personally, Father?"
"No, but I have a couple of parishioners that I might be able to reach out to and put you in contact with them."
His eyes lit up over that. "Ok. Thank you Father."
Father Kenai smiled, glad that he had been able to help.
Steve sat there patient for about fifteen seconds before he finally spoke up. "Can we do it now, Father?"
Father Kenai sat up, not expecting the favor to be simultaneous. "Oh, well, yes, I guess." He looked around the room, knowing he had at least thirty parishioners arriving in less than twenty minutes for the afternoon mass. He looked back at Steve's eager expression and could read his thoughts as if they were spoken out loud 'why is he still sitting there, let's go!' He gently tapped him on the knee, "Let's go to my office."
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Steve saw the black Camaro approaching and held his hand up, signaling Danny. The car pulled up to the curb as Steve bent over, opening the passenger door and got in.
"What the hell is going on?" Danny asked after getting the unusual phone call for the urgency to pick him up and then the odd place in which that was, at the nearby beach by Steve's house.
"Drive," Steve said, glancing over his shoulder, checking traffic as Danny continued to stare at him more confused than ever. Steve looked back over at him confused himself as to why the car was not moving. "Drive!"
"Where?!" Danny spouted off, "Where am I going?"
"The North Shore." He reached over and put on his seatbelt, glancing back at Danny who was still staring at him waiting for an explanation. "I'll tell you on the way, let's go." He felt his phone buzz in his pocket knowing it was Bridgette, ignoring her first two pleas of where he had disappeared to, but decided it wasn't fair to she nor Maggie that he leave them hanging, besides he wanted updates on Maggie's condition, wanting to get back if she turned for the worse. His journey was like a catch-22, he'd never forgive himself if he wasn't with her in the end, but then again he'd never be able to live with himself if he didn't try and save her life any way he could.
He texted her back, 'I can't really explain right now, but I'm not running away from Maggie's illness, I'm trying to find a cure for it. Please understand why I left and tell Maggie that I love her more than anything in this world and that's why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'll be back as soon as I can. Is she doing all right?'
Bridgette shook her head and sighed. She did understand but thought again that his place should be with Maggie. There was no cure. He was wasting precious time, but she wasn't about to tell him that, but if things became worse she would beg him to come back.
'She's resting now. I'll talk to her, but please come home if she begins a turn for the worse.'
"Of course I will. Thank you for being there. I love her. I can't let her go without a fight. I just can't.'
Bridgette didn't respond, there was no response to that.
"Where is he," Maggie asked anxiously. She sat up on the couch, clutching the blanket in her hands that was wrapped around her, looking in the direction of Bridgette's voice.
She read her his text, repeating it again twice at Maggie's request.
She settled back in the sofa, pulling the covers up to her chin. The migraine had settled with the Morphine that Bridgette had supplied but the pain in her heart over Steve's absence was still throbbing.
"Are you ok, Maggie? Do you want me to tell him to come home, that you need him?"
She wanted to say yes, only because she was scared, but she shook her head no, trusting him and knowing he truly was doing all that he could to save her and not just running away from her. He was beyond that. The night before had proved that to her.
"No," she whispered. "He needs to do this. I love him, and I trust him just as much as I love him. He needs to do this."
Bridgette sat down on the edge of the couch, taking her hand. "Ok, honey. If you feel the need to talk to him just tell me and we can call him."
Maggie nodded, closing her eyes and picturing him. He was the smartest person she had ever met. If there was anyone who could save her it was Steve. She wanted to believe, more for his sake than her own. She was ready if the end came, but it was breaking her heart that he wasn't, but she did trust him and was relying on that trust to keep her spirits up. She'd wait for him as long as she had to, or as long as she could.
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"I should have had you stop and get my truck," Steve said, reaching out and bracing his hand on the dashboard as the car hit another hole in the dirt road as they climbed the winding route up the hill. He looked sheepishly over at Danny, expecting some backlash over where he was taking him, but to his surprise there was no animosity.
"In hindsight," Danny replied, "that might have been a good idea, but I'm not sure your head was thinking about my car when you called me." He stepped on the brakes, going around a large dip in the road. "We'll get there."
After the story he had just heard on the way to the North Shore, he wasn't about to complain about a few bumps in the road. He'd get Steve wherever he needed to go, regardless of the obstacles.
They came around the corner of the bend and saw an old house that was made of wood and dried palm branches laid out on the roof. The humble structure didn't look livable to most, including Danny, but to Steve, he understood the naturalist in most Hawaiians, the need to live as their ancestors had. To him the establishment wasn't just a home it was a way of life that in a way he envied. He was without a doubt sure the inhabitants were happy and deeply content in the modest place they lived.
"Someone lives here?" Danny asked as the two men glanced at each other.
Steve shrugged, "This is where they told me to go. I can't imagine there being a neighborhood up her," he joked. "It's pretty secluded. I hope they don't mind people just dropping by unannounced."
Danny blew out a breath between his teeth, "Maybe we should have worn our badges."
They both got out and began to approach the house when an elderly Hawaiian woman that looked to be in her mid to late severities came out.
"Aloha," she said with a welcoming smile. Her long dark hair blew slightly in the breeze and she wore a flowered dress that flowed in the breeze as well.
"Aloha," Steve said as Danny trailed behind him, letting Steve do all the talking. "I'm sorry for the intrusion but I'm looking for Makai. Does he live here?"
She kept the smile having no concern for the unexpected visit, knowing why they were there without an explanation needed. "Please," she gestured toward the back of the house, "come this way. My husband is expecting you."
Steve and Danny glanced at each other, not knowing how they knew they were coming. It didn't look to be the sort of house that had electricity, let alone a phone, and they had lost cell service almost two miles back.
The front of the house at first glance looked shabby, but when you approached and took a good look, it was actually pretty sturdy and the path that led to the front door was laid out with black lava rocks, which are considered scared to most native Hawaiians.
Once inside they were both awestruck by the sheer beauty of their surroundings. The home opened up to the view of the Pacific Ocean that seemed even vaster from the hilltop domain. The skies were clear in front of them while a band of misfit clouds began to form over the lush green mountains that rose up behind them.
There was no big screen TV on the wall or traditional kitchen or family room to speak of. It was just one room that was decorated with what looked like memories of family members in pictures that flooded the walls. There was a sink with a small counter space and one bed in the opposite corner of the room. It was obvious to them as they went through the small space where most of the living was done, outside.
The yard spread-out and was lined with flowers and religious artifacts that were set up in certain places as a way to pray. It reminded Steve of Father Kenai's candle display that he frequented but this was much more elegant in his eyes, focused more toward the traditional altar where a person could talk to the Akua's and ask for forgiveness, or for thanks, or in his case, for healing.
An elderly man who was barren of clothes except for the white shorts that hung loosely on his hips stood up from kneeling on a palm branch mat. He had the traditional native tattoos on his upper biceps that continued up his shoulders and around to his chest and back.
Steve recognized a couple of his markings as Hawaiian religious tats that no one in their right mind being a true native would ever choose to put on their body unless they justly held a holy position in the culture. Those symbols alone gave him a sense that they were dealing with a man that was indeed holy.
His tanned skin was as smooth as his wife's, not showing the true weathered age of either of them that had effected most of their peers, but in reality it was clear they were both in their seventies, if not older, but living a natural way of life had served them both well.
"Aloha," the man greeted them, bowing to Steve first and then to Danny. Both men returned the gesture and same greeting, yet Steve's was more believable.
Makai focused on Steve, not even giving Danny a second glance. "The way of my people is strong in your presence. I feel your struggle with life and so you have come to me for guidance." He spoke as if it were a statement and not a question.
"Yes Sir," Steve replied, his voice as humble as his attitude. "I'm here for my wife," he paused knowing in the culture husband and wives were one, "and for myself."
Makai nodded his understanding, "She is very ill? It concerns you that western medicine can not heal what afflicts her?"
Steve wasn't as astounded by that exact assessment as much as Danny was.
"Yes. I'm not here to beg and I don't expect to ask the Akua's for a favor without giving one back or sacrificing my way of life if that's what they want in order to heal her."
"The Akua's do not ask for such things from their people, they only ask that you respect their existence and the surroundings that they have generously provided." He moved his arm out, motioning to the ocean and adjacent mountains behind them. "Their needs are not complicated. You come here with respect for the culture, I can see that, and I know that whoever guided you here knows that as well. My name is not one that is used in haste by a friend or family member. They too saw your struggle and believe you are just in your search for help."
Steve felt his effort was beginning to show light, "So can you help me then? Will you help me?"
His wife came up next to them and took Danny by the arm. "You should come with me. I can attend to you while my husband tends to your friend."
He looked over at Steve as the woman began to guide him away without a yes or no answer.
"I can see you are hesitant in your love of our beautiful island," she continued, moving her hand down Danny's arm and clutched his hand with a disturbed expression on her face as she looked up at him in an unthreatening way, yet distraught. "Why do you hate it here so much?"
Steve smiled as Danny looked over his shoulder at him, his expression frightened and nervous over his newly appointed guidance counselor.
Danny reluctantly sat on the ground as Makai's wife laid out a bowl of fresh fruit in front of him. He didn't want to do anything disrespectful and to jeopardize Steve's chances with the man so he played along the best he could.
"Why do you live here if you hate it so much?" she asked, sitting across from him with her long dress flowed out around her.
"I don't hate it," he lied.
She glanced up at him and laughed, her eyes sparkling, challenging him. "You don't love it. You don't even like it, so there is only one other choice."
Danny chuckled at her, "Ok. I'm not fond of Hawaii but I don't hate it." He grinned playfully. "Not anymore at least."
She smiled, picking out a piece of mango still in the skin and handed it to him. "And why is that? What is there to be thankful for that has changed your mind?"
"My daughter."
Her eyes lit up, "You have a new Keiki?"
"No, she's fourteen. I moved here because her mother brought her here." He shrugged, "So I came too. But I came from New Jersey. I had to leave my family behind."
She glanced over her shoulder at Steve and Makai as they spoke down by the edge of the yard that looked out over the ocean. "He is not Ohana?"
"Steve? Yes, I guess so, but not by blood."
"You don't have to share blood to be Ohana."
Danny smiled and chuckled, "That's what Steve always says."
"He is here for his wife. You came with him, why?"
"Because he needed a ride," Danny huffed.
"But he called you, no one else," she commented, taking a bite of her mango.
Danny nodded, knowing if the tables were turned, Steve would be his first call as well. He glanced back over at the two men.
"Can you not see what he sees?" she continued on. "Hawaii is a way of life long before it was a way of vacationing. The people have adapted to change but have not forgotten their roots that are buried deep in the islands. Our love of family and nature is what has kept our traditions alive, even amongst the changes."
"You don't like people like me," Danny argued, "do you? I mean haole's."
She looked startled over that. "I do not judge the soul of a man simply because he is different than me. Some people come here and all they want to do is embrace the freedom from their hectic lives, until they return to them. Those people cannot be helped. They don't want to be." She reached over and touched his hand, "I think you love Hawaii more than you know. It has breathed life back into you even though you don't recognize it."
Danny smiled, wanting to amuse her. "How so?"
"You say you came here for your daughter?"
"Yes."
"You were not happy when you came here?"
Danny chuckled over that, "Hardly."
"But you stayed because your daughter was here and this is where she lives."
"Yes," he said again, wondering how much longer he had to sit there and pretend that what she was saying made a difference.
"But ask yourself, when she grows up and perhaps moves away from Hawaii, then what?"
Danny shrugged, "Then she goes and lives her life."
"And what about her Father? Do you think you will want to leave our island when there is no reason to stay?"
He opened his mouth to say yes, but paused, taking in just a small notion of what it would be like to live on the mainland again. He closed his mouth and stared at her. His mind tossing that question around, picturing all the beautiful places he'd seen but most of all the people that he'd come to know over the years since he'd been there. They knew him just as much if not more than his actual family, and he knew them. He felt a sharp pain of loneliness strike him at the idea of leaving, never before taking it into consideration, until now. He was floored at this new revelation.
"I do," he replied, almost ashamed for being so stubborn about it. "I do love it here."
She knew she had opened his eyes, "You should learn to embrace your home that has embraced you. Hawaii has ways of healing the mind and body that can not be matched anywhere else." She nodded her head towards Steve, "He knows this, that's why he is here."
Danny looked at her, seeing her in a different light. Suddenly all the beliefs that Steve and Chin and Kono had been quoting to him over the years didn't seem like gibberish anymore. Who was he to doubt a culture that didn't force their beliefs on you, nor did they reject outsiders. True, some were hostile and angry but it was this gentle woman and her husband who were the true Hawaiians that lived the way of life that others perhaps wanted, but just weren't strong enough. He felt a respect for her the way he did Steve at times. They truly knew who they were and weren't afraid to voice it. She was right, that's why they were there, because Steve believed.
"Do you think your husband can help Maggie?" he asked sincerely.
"Maggie?" she asked, "his wife?"
"Yes. She has brain cancer and is dying." He felt a twinge in his heart over saying it, not just for himself but also for Steve and for Maggie.
She nodded, understanding now the underlying reason why they were there. "I'm sorry for him, and for you."
"She doesn't deserve to die," he said as tears welled in his eyes.
She reached over and touched him in a motherly way. "Makai can heal many people who are suffering in spirit. I hope he can. I see so much weariness in your brother. His struggles have been hard."
"He's not looking for a way to heal himself, he's looking for healing of Maggie."
She nodded again, "He needs a Kahuna with the gift of Lokani."
"Lokani?"
"Someone who can speak to the Akua's on his behalf through nature. I've seen what you call miracles, but to us it's called harmony with the Gods." She shrugged nonchalantly, "it can be done, but it takes a strong mind and spirit. My husband will decide if your brother is worthy."
They both glanced over in the direction of the two men as they stood looking out over the ocean, the conversation seemed to have come to halt.
Steve felt his palms beginning to sweat as he nervously rubbed his hands together, praying that this man would help him. He was certain that he could, it was just a matter of if he would. There was nothing else that he could say to him that would help his cause. It was up to Makai now.
After a couple of minutes but what seemed like hours to Steve, Makai finally turned to him.
"I can not help you."
A dread overcame Steve that about knocked him over. His first sullen thought was that if he did collapse, hopefully it would be over the cliff, ending this pain that he saw no end to. He tried to speak but his throat had squeezed shut making his words raspy. "I understand. Maybe I should have come sooner. I lost my Kapu way of life. I have no excuse for it. I'm not worthy of…of your gift. It's my fault for losing sight of what was important."
Makai saw the grief, but more than that he heard his words of regret and self-awareness not anger that proved to him that perhaps he did have the mana, or the healing energy that was felt in the soul of the islands. In mana all things are nature related by creative gifts from the Akuas, including the power to heal. He didn't have this gift to the extent that Steve needed, but knew someone who did.
He reached out and touched him on the arm, "I can not help you, but my sister can. She has the gift of Ho'opononpono. I've seen her heal the sick by laying hands on them. She lives on Niihau and won't come here. You have to go to her."
"I don't now that Maggie can travel there," he said feeling his joy of hope return and then the dread hit him again of not being able to get her there.
"It's not for her. It's for you."
He looked at him quizzically, "I don't understand, how will that help Maggie's illness?"
"You will take away the power to heal from my sister." He nodded with a smile of reassurance, "she has the gift."
He knew well of the forbidden island of Niihau and the native people who lived there. Only pure blood Hawaiian's were allowed to inhabit it and visitors were strictly forbidden unless invited. "Will she accept me?"
He nodded, "Yes, if I send you she will accept you."
"How do you know?" Steve asked, wanting to make sure he wasn't wasting precious time.
Makai stood up straight, making his point clear. "Because I have never sent anyone before unannounced. She will understand the seriousness of my wish."
Steve felt a chill run through him, but it wasn't the dreaded cold that he'd been experiencing over the past few months, it was a good feeling. A feeling of hope and possibly even more than that, he felt strongly that perhaps he'd found the answer that he'd been looking for to save Maggie. He didn't know what to expect but in his heart he felt he was on the right path, he just needed to get to Niihau as soon as possible before it was too late.