Disclaimer: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR – Popping a Blood Vassal

Harry was feeling very excited to get back the things that meant the most to him. Not just his things, but Luna's things, or rather his family's things. The photo albums, the clothes, the rings, the portraits, and the wands. So many simple conveniences of life that he hadn't given a second thought to, until he woke up on the other side of the universe with none of them.

All thoughts of his life long accumulation of objects and memories fled his mind the moment the vault doors swung open. Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined the sight that greeted him. The vault had grown to the size of Quidditch Pitch, height included. As far as Harry could see the walls were lined with layers and layers of constructed metal boxes. Crisscrossing from right to left throughout the ceiling were several metal walkways and staircases connecting lower levels to higher ones.

Hundreds of goblins were seen staring their direction from the catwalks and windows on the metal boxes that Harry realized must have been some sort of apartments. Directly in front of them was a group of a half dozen goblins. Harry was vaguely aware that he was muttering something about an old wizard's testicles when River mumbled something in Chinese. He hurriedly shushed Jayne, before they offended the proud creatures and began to fear for repercussions from their lack of respect.

His fears were pushed to the wayside when the tallest goblin near them looked right at Harry and asked, "Master?"

"Excuse me?" Harry replied in confusion.

The goblins were all jabbering in Gobbledegook very quickly, when the same one continued to stare and ask, "You are Harry Potter, aren't you?"

Harry nodded numbly and answered, "Last I checked… uhh… yeah?" He was unable to remember the first thing about goblin etiquette, but was quite sure there wasn't anything specific that would've indicated the appropriate response to discovering a small city of goblins living in your vault. He was idly wondering if maybe he should have read those vault contracts a bit more carefully. He was completely unaware of the amused phoenix still resting on his shoulder.

An ancient looking goblin came hurrying up towards them, with a large crowd following behind him. This goblin had a long white beard and was curiously wearing a black Hogwarts robe with a Ravenclaw insignia.

"Those are Luna's first year robes!" Harry yelled in irritation.

The apparent leader of these goblins looked down at his outfit and nodded. "Yes, Master, they are."

"Oh crud, I'm sorry," Harry said fearful of goblin customs. They weren't big on courtesy but respect was important. "I meant no offense… I just…" Harry gave up and shook his head.

"Master," the old goblin said bowing his head. "I am Ripruck, the current eldest. You need not fear offending us. There is much we should discuss."

Harry nodded looking around the small goblin city that seemed to have replaced his vault. "Yes, Ripruck, I'd say there is," Harry agreed shaking the surprise off his face. "Perhaps you could start with why you call me Master."

Ripruck nodded showing no emotion. "I refer to your honorific, because I am a vassal of House Potter." He waved towards all the goblins and added, "We are all vassals of the House Potter."

"Oh," Harry answered intelligently. "Okay."

Jayne leaned towards Mal and asked, "What's a vassal?"

Mal just shrugged while River answered, "An indentured servant."

"That is correct," Ripruck agreed. "We are property of the family."

Harry furrowed his brow. "That's umm… news to me."

Ripruck nodded. "It was not a decision our forefathers made lightly but it was the right one."

"You chose to become my property?" Harry clarified, knowing how unlikely that sounded for goblins.

"Yes," Ripruck agreed. "We pledged allegiance and servitude to House Potter. Perhaps you and your associates would like to sit down and have a drink while we discuss?"

"A drink sounds like a good idea," Jayne answered immediately.

"Yes it does," Simon found himself agreeing with Jayne for once.

"Please," Ripruck said struggling with the word. "Follow me." Ripruck turned and walked away, assuming the others would follow. "If it pleases you, Master, introductions would be appreciated."

Harry hurried to keep up with the swift old goblin and apologized. "Oh, sorry about that. This is just… a lot to take in." Harry was pointing towards the others as he announced them. "Ripruck, and everyone else, I'd like you to meet Jayne, Mal, River, Inara, Zoe, Antonio, Simon, and Kaylee."

"Greetings," Ripruck said with a nod, barely bothering to turn around. The goblin stopped in front of large metal door off to their left and dragged his finger down a crease in the middle. Locks could be heard moving and shifting as Ripruck pushed the door open and walked in. "This is where we hold council."

Harry followed him into the very professional looking conference room, but his attention was immediately drawn towards the large portrait hanging on the wall. A smile split on his face at the cheery wave of the very young looking blonde.

"Hi honey!" the barely teenage Luna greeted from the portrait.

Sometimes Harry loved wizarding portraits and sometimes he hated them. He swallowed the lump in his throat every time he heard the portrait's voice. "Hello sugar-britches."

The other eight people filed into the room and were staring at the young blonde with radish earrings in surprise. They turned towards Harry and saw his emotions were bubbling to the surface.

Harry opened his mouth to say something to the portrait but snapped it shut, having too many other things on his mind.

The teenage Luna just looked at the others and assured Harry, "We can talk later. Ripruck looks like he wants to speak with you first."

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter," Ripruck nodded. "Master?"

"Please, just call me Harry," Harry interrupted.

"Thank you, Harry," Ripruck forced a grin. "Would you like some whiskey? Or water?"

"Whiskey, please," Harry accepted. He turned towards the others. "Guys?"

"Whiskey," eight voices all answered in unison.

Harry chuckled.

"Excellent," Ripruck said. "We have goblin whiskey ready, or I believe you have several cases of firewhiskey among your possessions."

"Whatever's easiest," Harry assured him. He looked at the others remembering the few times he'd tried goblin whiskey and added, "Though some water as well might be a good idea."

"Of course, Harry," Ripruck said nodding towards one of the other goblins fetching the beverages.

The drinks were served and the eight others who'd never had goblin whiskey before all began coughing at the warm and surprisingly strong drink. Jayne let out a loud whoop and was slapping the table, choking down the drink. Mal and Zoe tried their best and managed to barely cough, but their eyes betrayed the burning they were feeling. The glasses of water were quickly becoming popular.

"Harry," Ripruck started. "If you don't mind me asking, I was wondering how many heirs you have produced."

Suddenly Harry was joining the others in the uncomfortable coughing. "Umm… can't say that there are any heirs out there. My wife and I were unable to have children."

"I was afraid of that," Ripruck said with a nod. "And it is not my place to say but I would like to plead with you to consider siring several."

"You're right," Harry nodded. "It isn't your place to say."

Ripruck bowed his head not pushing the issue and asked, "How have you managed to live so long? Do you intend to continue for a while? And have you been physically de-aged as young as you appear?"

Harry looked at the others and canceled the glamour charm on his face. He smiled weakly at Ripruck and answered, "I haven't been de-aged at all, but I existed outside of time for almost four centuries. I only woke up a couple years ago. I informed my account manager at the time, Rockstart that I would be disappearing for an indeterminate amount of time back in 2132. And yes, I do intend to live for a while longer. Now I would like to know why this matters to you and what's happened to my vault." Harry finished and reapplied the glamour charm. He felt more comfortable with it on and didn't have to endure the uncomfortable looks from the rest of the crew.

Ripruck nodded. "Thank you, Harry. I suppose you are aware of the infernos that started in the early to mid twenty-third century."

"Hang on," Harry interrupted. "I don't know about any infernos or what happened here on Earth-That-Was hardly at all."

"Earth-That-Was?" Ripruck repeated curiously.

"That's what the original planet here is now called," Harry explained. "They've terraformed several hundred planets, trying to mimic most Earth's environment."

"Interesting," Ripruck commented though he didn't act as if it was. He continued, "Very well, then as you may or may not know, the majority of wizards left the planet on spaceships around 2194. Exodus for Existence I believe they called it."

Harry nodded, listening intently.

"A few wizards asked goblins to join them on the magic-aware spacecrafts, but we never seriously considered the offer." Ripruck answered before pausing. He carefully replied, "You may not be aware but goblins draw much of their magic and life force from the Earth herself. It wasn't a question of leaving and hoping for survival as it was leaving would have ensured we wouldn't survive. It's possible we could have adapted but we believed it to be an unwise risk. A few individual goblins considered it, but I don't believe any of them actually went. Once the last of the ships left the planet, and nearly all the muggles were gone, the beings left behind descended into anarchy."

The nine cosmonauts all exchanged looks of surprise but didn't say anything.

"The oaths all goblins swore in protecting people's money, kept us from interfering. The wizards that left withdrew all of their possessions and closed their accounts. We maintained business as usual to the best of our ability for the remaining clients but rarely ventured beyond the safety of our homes and Gringotts branches. The temperature began rising noticeably, and then the fires started. Some of the wizards did their best to fight and contain many of the massive blazes, but they were too few and the fires too vast. London was nearly a complete loss by 2260."

Harry winced but considering the way it looked now, was unsurprised.

"Most of the goblins burrowed deep into Gringotts caves, as the majority of the dangers existed on the surface. Unfortunately, the small caves are well ventilated which makes it easy for fires to travel quickly and burn nearly everlasting. Deeper and deeper we went, moving into empty vaults. But the fires continued to ravage as we kept falling back. When the heartstone of Gringotts cracked, most all of the remaining protections fell. And we became completely cut off from the outside world.

"It was then that we were forced to move down to the most ancient vaults that had started the first Gringotts branch. The fifteen oldest magical family vaults that were protected in ways that went beyond goblin understanding. The strength of the protections came from the centuries of magic in all the ancestors, blood wards that gained strength throughout time. Reservoirs of water were protected with many goblin lives, because if the fires and heat reached them, we would die.

"Survival was paramount, and as Gringotts employees we could enter our remaining clients' vaults, even the five remaining ancient blood ward protected vaults, but only as it served our clients' needs. The only way to gain sanctuary in a vault, or to live in one, was with the permission of the family. As that was impossible, we were forced to pledge our lives and the lives of our children as vassals to a family. Doing so would reduce us to mere property of the family, but would grant us the protection of the vault."

Harry nodded and asked, "But I can free you now and give you permission, right?"

Ripruck shook his head. "No, you cannot. We are not slaves you can free. We are not bound by a magical contract with terms or stipulations. We belong to the family and all of our descendents always will."

Harry winced. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I know how proud most of the goblins I knew before were and how difficult a decision it must have been."

"Survival was paramount," Ripruck repeated with a bowed head. "But we did not all choose House Potter at first. The vast majority chose Potter and Harris, but several chose the other three surviving ancient families of Gamp, Burke, and Griffiths. Every other family and vault had already been wiped out."

"The Malfoys and Blacks were wiped out?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Yes," Ripruck answered. "The first infernos that wiped out London ended several magical lines."

Harry took a big gulp of goblin whiskey and wasn't sure how he felt about that. "So are the other four vaults… in similar shape as this?"

Ripruck shook his head and rudely stated, "No, and actually I hadn't finished telling you what happened."

"Sorry," Harry apologized. "Please continue."

"The Harris vault then suddenly began to crumble," Ripruck added. "And we knew the last magical Harris must have died."

"Magical Harris?" Harry clarified.

Ripruck appeared to be getting irritated, though this was not uncommon for a goblin. "Yes, the vault's blood protection draws strength from the entire family's history of magic but is contingent on their being magic within Harris blood. If your children are all born squibs, and you were to die before a magical Potter was born, the protections on this vault would fall as well."

Ripruck cleared his throat before Harry could comment. "As I was saying, the Harris vault was failing, and the goblins that had been living in their all pledged themselves to the House Potter. Their first act to help the family was to take the contents of the Harris vault with them."

Harry suddenly realized he was probably a lot richer than he remembered, not that it counted for much.

"It was also at this time, several phoenixes appeared bringing with them the remaining members of the goblin battalion assigned to Hogwarts," Ripruck explained. "The information they brought with them was our last contact with the outside world."

Harry felt the phoenix on his shoulder stick out his chest in pride. He'd forgotten Fawkes was even there, but looked up and saw a twinkle in the bird's eye that reminded him of his former Headmaster. Harry suddenly noticed the others were looking a little tired. He jumped in, "Sorry to interrupt you, Ripruck." Harry turned towards the other eight people sitting quietly. "I need to hear all these things, but if you guys are bored, maybe you want to check out some parts of the vault?"

Ripruck looked at them harshly but seemed to understand. He offered, "If you'd like I could have my son take you on a tour."

"I'd love that!" Kaylee agreed immediately. "This whole place looks amazing."

Ripruck nodded and yelled, "Digdug!"

A short stocky goblin came running in and sneered, "Father?"

"Some of our Master's guests wish to see the grounds," Ripruck ordered gently. "Treat them with the same respect you would our Master."

Digdug nodded with a small snort. "Follow me."

Kaylee hopped up and dragged Simon with her. Mal stood up and shook his head from all the goblin whiskey he consumed. "I wouldn't mind stretching my legs a bit. Anyone else coming?"

Jayne grabbed his glass of whiskey and got up to follow, while Zoe and Inara agreed. River shook her head at Simon and said to Harry, "I'd like to stay, if that's alright with you."

Harry shrugged in response.

Antonio looked nervous. "It's all so fascinating to hear about your history. Could we do a tour later as well, perhaps?"

Harry rolled his eyes wondering how possibly the lowest point in goblin history being called fascinating was going to be appreciated. "Yes, I'm sure we can do a tour later. Or I'll catch you up on everything here. It's up to you."

"I'll stay," Antonio finally decided.

The group of six cosmonauts quickly followed after Digdug, leaving Harry, River, and Antonio with Ripruck.

"You said phoenixes brought the goblin battalion from Hogwarts?" Harry asked, urging Ripruck to continue his tale. He idly reached up and scratched the under the chin of the phoenix on his shoulder.

"Yes, a battalion of our finest warriors and warders had worked with Harris family to protect Hogwarts," Ripruck began his brief history lesson again. "The detachment was a part of the protections we had set-up to safeguard the castle from the various contingent groups hoping to conquer the severely weakened world. It had been part of the negotiations with former Headmaster Fullerton, that if we had a vested interest in the castle, we'd be more willing to guard it. Hogwarts had become a safe-haven for magical creatures of all kinds. The nearby forest was teeming with more species than ever before and they all sought out the grounds as one of the few places untouched by fire and destruction. Dragons, griffins, manticores, many creatures thought to be extinct fought for territory around the protected grounds."

Ripruck paused to take a drink and continued. "I believe the dementors even fled Azkaban and were some of the most submissive, assigned their own greenhouse so as not to disrupt other magical races. The heliopaths were rejected entrance due to how dangerous their presence would have been, but I believe everyone else was welcomed.

"Blood wards were drawn up with all of the remaining members of the Harris family, as Rowena Ravenclaw herself was a Harris before her marriage. Several score of wizards made Hogwarts their home, as theirs had been destroyed. Eventually not even the protections there could hold, as the temperature rose and fires were slowly closing in on them, eating away the forest. The merfolk were some of the first to die, as water became a more precious commodity.

"Some of the creatures went mad and began to attack others. Some of the wizards too. Finally the last of the protections fell and the fires flashed through from all sides." Ripruck shook his head shamefully. "The goblins did all they could to protect her, but it was insufficient. The majority of the paintings and various magical items around the castle had been gathered together and guarded separately. As the last of the wizards died, and more than half of the goblins, the phoenixes began grabbing the goblins and transporting them to the areas outside the vaults down here. The goblins brought with them many of the things and we have saved all that we can."

Harry's eyes widened. "You saved the contents of Hogwarts?"

Ripruck nodded, "As much as we could."

"The library?" Harry asked immediately.

Ripruck nodded. "There are dozens of trunks filled to their magical capacity with your books."

"My books?" Harry repeated quietly.

"It was in the best interests of the Potter family," Ripruck grinned widely. "Goblins are nothing, if not profitable for our interests."

Harry was overcome with relief that arguably the finest collection of magical knowledge was intact. The fact that it belonged to him seemed unimportant in comparison.

"What about the other vaults? The Gamps, Burkes, and… Griffiths, was it?" Harry asked.

Ripruck shook his head. "Within fifty years, they all too crumbled and collapsed. Their vaults' contents and fortunes were also claimed for the House Potter. This vault is all that remains, and the goblins here are, we believe the last of all the goblins. The fires consumed the remaining area melting even the rock, sealing away both exits and dangers. The vault provides us with the air necessary, as all the vaults always have. We have a water system set-up to recycle that which is used, while refilling the tanks as needed. Our entire society is completely contained and protected from the elements that have, to the best of our knowledge, eliminated every other species." Ripruck nodded towards Fawkes, "Aside from the phoenixes, to whom many of us owe our survival."

Harry looked up at Fawkes. "Did you help do all that?"

Fawkes hopped down onto the table and nodded proudly.

Ripruck answered, "They occasionally come to visit, and when they have young we provide them with food. I'm not sure what else they eat, but I believe there is a mother who lives nearby. She brings her young with her somewhat frequently."

Harry nodded. "I think we saw her. Probably surprised her a bit."

"Made her drop her baby," River added, making Fawkes snicker in amusement.

Harry turned to the healthy bright red bird sitting on the table next to him. "Is that right Fawkes? Do you know if there are other places like this? Where life has found a way to survive?"

Fawkes turned serious and bowed his head shaking it.

"Nothing?" Harry asked in surprise. "Not even heliopaths or dementors? Muggles?"

Fawkes shrugged and shook his head negatively.

"That's horrible," Harry whispered.

Fawkes just nodded his head sadly.

"So what do we do?" Harry asked aloud looking to Ripruck.

The old goblin pursed his lips together and said, "Well, I think the first order of business should be siring an heir."

Harry rolled his eyes and saw Fawkes seemed to find this quite funny. Fawkes looked over at River and was tilting his head trying to judge her worth, while stealing glances back at Harry.

Harry saw River could feel Fawkes' stare and she was getting uncomfortable. He reached over and smacked the bird on the beak. "Stop it!" Harry turned back towards Ripruck and answered, "Okay, I'm not even sure that's possible, nor anything I have any interest in doing."

"Well," Ripruck agreed. "If you wish to doom us all, that is your right… Master."

"It's nice to see you goblins haven't lost any of your scruples," Harry replied ignoring River's quick change in demeanor to amusement. "Moving forward then, what's the second thing we do?"

"Can I assume you've all arrived on a spaceship and are planning to fly back to whatever planet you came from?" Ripruck asked.

Harry nodded. "They've actually just discovered a new technology to make flying much quicker. It used to be about a sixty year ride, but with this new technology it only takes three weeks."

Ripruck nodded in thought. "And this new technology is stable?"

Harry smiled weakly ignoring Antonio's harsh frown. "I… umm… well yes it seems so, but this is actually the first field test. I kinda hijacked it from the government because I wanted to see what happened to Earth-That-Was."

Ripruck chuckled and grinned. "I see you continue to live up to your historical reputation. All of us are familiar with many of the details of your history, though some of it may have been exaggerated through time. Do you believe the wizarding settlements are safe for goblins? We could perhaps accompany you and see if your… terraforming is compatible with goblin magic and life force?"

Harry exhaled slowly and sighed. "There's a bit of a snag there."

"Oooh," Kaylee grinned. "And what is that?"

"That's a toilet," Digdug grunted.

Jayne looked inside the tiny metal box. "No magazines? Wait! No toilet paper?"

"That's what the brush is for," Digdug sneered.

Mal felt a bit ill noticing the so-called brush with metal bristles that looked more like needles.

"I've noticed the temperature is a bit on the cool side," Zoe asked, wanting to change the direction of the conversation immediately. "Do you use magic to keep it that way?"

Digdug found their ignorance intriguing and curled his lips into a smile. "The magic of the vault provides the ventilation. We altered it to make the conditions ideal for living. It is also the median balance for our gardens."

"Gardens?" Kaylee asked. "How could you have gardens down here?"

Digdug smiled dangerously. "Magic, of course."

"Can we see them?" Kaylee asked hopefully, loving all these strange and amazing things.

Digdug huffed and led them towards a pair of sealed rooms. "This is for the dark roots," He pulled open the cold metal door and they felt a rush of cool, brisk air. Digdug lifted the torch off the wall to the left of the door. He held it just inside the door illuminating cavernous chilly space that was clearly far larger than physically possible judging from the outside.

Digdug growled lightly and gestured inside with what he hoped was a welcoming fashion. Jayne, Mal, Inara, Zoe, and Simon all stuck their heads in for a brief moment. Kaylee on the other hand was fascinated and took a couple steps in. She reached down and felt the cold dirt, letting out a happy giggle at how cool it was.

"Various parts are colder than others, but all of these plants need no light to grow," Digdug explained. He impatiently turned towards Kaylee still in the eerie dark garden. "If you're quite finished."

"Oh sorry," Kaylee smiled at him and apologized, backing out of the room.

Digdug swung the metal door shut and sealed it. "Socktrap is in charge of the dark garden, though several others work with him."

Digdug walked over to the next sealed metal box and pulled the door open. A blast of hot air and blinding light came rushing out of the room. Digdug knew it was coming and waited for Kaylee.

"Wow," Kaylee gasped. She blinked away the brightness and walked into the even larger garden than the dark one. The entire ceiling was spelled to act as a sun and everything was basking in light, nearly whiting it all out.

"We have more plants that require light, but need coolness in the roots," Digdug explained while the others tried to look into the room. Kaylee walked out and the goblin swung the door shut. "Clickboot, Knickknack, and Slog are the three that run the light garden."

Simon was still slightly blinded by the light in the room. "And you're able to grow enough to feed everyone?"

Digdug coughed and hacked up something unpleasant that he spat ten feet to his right. A loud ding indicated it had landed in the spittoon he had been aiming for. "We use the roots for a number of things including food, medicines, and my personal favorite, whiskey. We could survive on only them, but our primary food source is still Master's pouches."

"Oh!" Jayne, in a particularly out of character moment, recalled, "Harry said he had a pouch that made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!"

"You remembered that?" Mal asked impressed.

Jayne shrugged. "Yeah. It sounded yummier than ham cubes."

Digdug thought that seemed a sort of random thing to say but nodded. "We also have one that makes cheese and an ever-full pitcher of… pumpkin juice. Vile liquid, absolutely disgusting."

"That does sound pretty bad," Simon admitted, trying to imagine a pumpkin flavored beverage.

"It's worse than you think," Digdug assured him. "But if anything happened to our water reservoirs, it would become invaluable."

"You'd probably get used to the taste then," Kaylee answered. "Might even grow to like it."

Digdug harrumphed and sneered. "I'd rather bathe in whiskey."

"You bathe?" Jayne crudely blurted out.

Digdug just nodded, not really offended at the insinuation. "Would it be… improper for me to ask a question?"

Zoe shook her head. "Fire away."

"What!" Digdug snapped fearfully. "Where?"

"Sorry," Zoe said quickly. "I meant you should feel free to ask your question."

Digdug growled again, knowing how dangerous out of control fires could be. He grunted and almost gently inquired, "What's it like?"

"What's what like?" Inara asked.

Digdug grunted again. "The sky, the surface, the planet, your planet… what's it like?"

The others suddenly realized how confined the goblins' existence was. How little they had been exposed to beyond stories passed down through time. Mal surprisingly answered before anyone else could. "She's beautiful. The sky, I mean. Endless black, empty space, freedom… the sky is my home."

Digdug's face split into a hopeful smile which to the others looked as if he was considering eating them. "Your… home?"

Inara nodded. "We live on a spaceship. Transporting goods from planet to planet. Most of the time we're just floating in the black on Serenity."

"Serenity?" Digdug asked not really even understanding the idea of outer space beyond the little he had learned.

"That's my boat," Mal answered proudly. "Had her eight years now and she runs like a top. Thanks in large part to Kaylee here."

"I'm the mechanic," Kaylee cheerfully added. "Serenity's a beauty."

Another goblin hurried towards them with River following behind. She was mimicking his little waddling steps and trying to make the same stern facial expression. The goblin walked right up to Digdug and began chattering wildly in Gobbledegook.

Simon looked at his sister in amusement. "Everything okay?"

River nodded and relaxed her face of the stern goblin-like stare. "Harry's talking to the painting of his wife and Antonio is freaking out over the time."

Digdug was chattering just as fast with the other goblin, before he suddenly turned towards the others. "Tour's over. Follow me."

"What was that you were just speaking? When you said mekvak-blad gaddarak vik-por-vik gackgack?" River asked, repeating the last phrase in perfect Gobbledegook.

Digdug had started to lead them when he turned to her in shock. "I was telling him that we'd come now. Do you… do you know Gobbledegook?"

"Is that what the language is?" River asked curiously. "It reminds me a bit of Tobrik."

"Tobrik?" Digdug asked curiously.

Simon was looking at his sister in amazement. He answered for her, "Tobrik was a language River created when she was eleven."

Digdug looked at her impressed. "You created a language when you were eleven?"

"I was bored," River shrugged. "Miktatit siktockwock."

"Interesting," Digdug sneered and actually meant it. "Follow me."

"So does everyone here speak Gobbledegook?" Inara asked as they hurried to keep up with Digdug.

"Yes," Digdug answered. "Probably only about half has learned much English. Father insisted I study it ever since I was young."

Digdug and the seven cosmonauts returned to the conference room and found Harry standing there talking to the painting.

"What's up?" Mal asked curiously.

"This is terribly interesting," Antonio admitted forcefully. "But the Alliance is going to know something is up if we stay too long. Soil samples, mixed with audio and video were the planned extent. One hour, tops, and then turn right around. We're already behind schedule."

Ripruck interrupted. "We shall be having a small feast in the Master's honor and then you must be on your way."

"Feast?" Jayne asked, petting his hungry belly.

Ripruck answered, "Our finest chef, Snotblock, is currently brewing the jelly soup, and putting together some delicious fried peanut butter and cheese sandwiches."

"It sounds… lovely," Inara replied with a forced smile.

"As long as there's whiskey," Jayne agreed.

Ripruck and Digdug were talking to each other in Gobbledegook whispers when Digdug suddenly shrieked loudly. He coughed and spat over to his left. The projectile flew a good twenty feet and let out a loud ding as it landed right in the spittoon. Digdug smiled a big toothy grin at everyone and ran out of the room.

"Was that a… happy face?" Mal hesitantly inquired.

Ripruck nodded. "Yes, my son was quite pleased to hear of his newest duties to our Master and went to go pack."

"Pack?" Zoe asked. "He's coming with us?"

"Yup, just him for now," Harry nodded, silently waving his proper wand towards his suit. It quickly expanded and gave the impression of a pregnant giant. "He'll ride with me to get back to Mr. Universe."

"Oooh," Inara winced. "He might not be too happy with us."

Harry shook his head and waved his communicator in the air. "He wasn't, but he knows what's up. He's been careful not to expend too much fuel, but he's been killing time scouring around up there. Was whining about something weird too, but I don't know if he even understands what being a spaceship entails."

"You know you can't bring too much back," Simon said. "There's barely any space as it is, and with Digdug…"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh you think so, Doctor? I hadn't quite realized there wasn't space on the ship. Relax I'm going to have one small trunk in my pocket."

Ripruck stood up suddenly as a revelation struck him. "Of course!"

"What?" Harry asked curiously.

"You will take a cabinet with you!" Ripruck announced. "Perhaps two to be on the safe side. This will be perfect."

"A cabinet?" Zoe asked unsure what good a little piece of furniture would be.

"Yes," Ripruck nodded. "Harry owns three pairs of vanishing cabinets."

"I do?" Harry asked not remembering those.

"The Harris family used to have one pair," Ripruck answered. "And the Burkes had two. This way you can easily travel back here and we can get you anything else you need."

"That is perfect," Harry realized. "But… do you think they will work across this much distance?"

"Why wouldn't they?" Ripruck asked curiously. "It is magic."

Harry chuckled. "Good point, Ripruck."

Simon raised his hand in the air. "A little help for the freak-uninformed?"

"Vanishing cabinets," Harry explained, "got their name because the pairs got separated and locating two that matched was especially difficult. And when people wanted to dispose of something they would put it in their cabinet, where it would vanish. Around muggles, wizards would use them as trash cans. But they were actually always linked and part of a matching pair. Put something in one cabinet, close the cabinet. And it would appear in the other."

"So we bring those back with us," Zoe summarized.

"Just one of each matching pair," Harry nodded. "And yes, we'll have our own little instant cupboard to Earth here."

"That's brilliant," Kaylee added. "You can get all your stuff, and give the goblins things they might need too."

"Exactly," Harry agreed. "But also, we can go into it, and come right back to Earth. Or if something happens to me, and the vault's protections die, the goblins can evacuate to safety."

Ripruck looked up in surprise. "I hadn't even considered that. I knew if Digdug was successful in finding us a suitable home, we could travel through them, but I didn't even realize that it takes away some of our reliance on you and your future progeny."

A goblin scurried into the room and barked angrily in Gobbledegook. Ripruck turned towards the nine humans and one phoenix. "Our meal is ready. Would you like to eat here? Or would you prefer to assemble all of your vassals?"

"Umm," Harry considered. "Would it be rude to just eat here? I'd prefer that you all continue living however you like best. And thinking of me as your Master as little as possible."

"Let's eat here then," Ripruck nodded. "I don't believe many of them like you."

"Great," Mal said. "We're surrounded by people that don't like you."

"It is nothing Harry has done," Ripruck answered waving in the goblins with the food. "Goblins are proud and, historically, bow to no one. We were forced to swallow our pride and instincts to survive. It is a situation in which nothing can be done and the fact that our very existence does in fact depend on a wizard is a truth that brings us shame."

Plates with sandwiches and a small pile of some brownish sprouts were set out in front of each person. Bowls of purple water were placed to the side.

"You need not fear anything from us," Ripruck misinterpreted the uncomfortable looks on people's faces. "We do not seek freedom, nor wish you harm. Please, eat up."

Harry picked up one of his sandwich halves and bit into it. He was slowly chewing it and swallowed, all the while with a painful smile on his face. He tried to think of an honest compliment. "That's some crunchy peanut butter."

"Excellent," Ripruck nodded and began to dig into his food.

The others also slowly began to eat the food in front of them, not wanting to offend the goblins. "Mmm," Inara groaned in disgust with a smile plastered across her face. "It just slips right down your throat."

Jayne was eating his with gusto. He seemed awfully surprised to admit it but happily cheered, "These are good!"

Simon clearly still had a bite in his mouth, but was gaping at Jayne in fear while he cautiously chewed.

River was taking her sandwich apart and folding them into two separate halves. When she saw Ripruck looking at her curiously, she explained, "I'm more in the mood for a fried cheese sandwich and a fried peanut butter sandwich, than just one large fried cheese and peanut butter sandwich."

Ripruck nodded, thinking these humans were even odder than the stories he'd been told.

Zoe and Antonio quickly copied River's idea and found the tastes to be far more bearable when split.

Jayne had finished his off and was looking up with a smile.

Simon immediately offered, "You know I'm really not that hungry at the moment. Jayne, would you like the rest of mine?"

"Sure," Jayne agreed, not about to turn down an offer of more.

Harry was watching Fawkes, who'd just stuck his beak into Harry's jelly soup and was slurping particularly loudly. Fawkes noticed Harry staring at him and finally lifted his beak from the sugary soup that was still dribbling off his chin.

"How's the soup?" Harry asked,

Fawkes opened his mouth to chirp and let out the phoenix equivalent of a burp.

"Nice," Harry agreed and motioned for Fawkes to help himself to more. Harry finished off the last of his sandwich after having numbed his taste buds when Ripruck wasn't looking. "My compliments to Snotblock. This will be a meal I will never forget."

"Excellent," Ripruck agreed swallowing the last of his food and licking his lips quite thoroughly. "And I do not wish you to worry, Harry. No matter our opinion of our situation, or of you for that matter, we are all vassals of the House Potter and we will always serve the family's best interests, including protecting the allies and friends of the family." Ripruck bowed his head towards the others.

Harry smiled weakly and sat back. "I appreciate that. And if you'd like, please let it be known that I am proud to see the goblins found a way to survive a situation, hardly any others could. Not as a master proud of his vassals, but as one magical creature proud of another noble race and species."

Ripruck nodded in agreement. Digdug came into room, dragging a large trunk on wheels. "I am ready."

"We should go," Antonio agreed pushing the rest of his plate away. "Thank you for your hospitality, Ripruck."

"Yes, thank you," Mal agreed. "It was very... interesting."

Ripruck grinned. "And more importantly, profitable for all of us."

Harry pulled out his device and made sure Mr. Universe had landed and was waiting for them. Fawkes suddenly disappeared in a flash of fire.

"Umm… did our ride just ditch us?" Jayne asked. "Again?"

Harry shook his head. "Fawkes will be back momentarily."

"Where'd he go?" Jayne asked.

Harry stopped and looked up. "I don't know." He turned back towards the portrait of Luna who just smiled at him. Harry took the portrait down and shrunk it down to the size of a matchbook. He put it inside his spacesuit and secured it.

He then walked over and shrunk down Digdug's trunk. He put that in his pocket too while Digdug was saying goodbye to his father. In the most compassionate move he'd ever seen from a goblin, Ripruck shook his son Digdug's hand… with two hands.

Harry was happy to see Digdug had the sort of smile that seemed to look vindictive and predatory. He suspected that was the expression indicating pure bliss.

Digdug turned to Harry and looked up expectantly. "Master?"

"Please, just call me Harry," the wizard requested. "It's going to be a tight fit, but you're riding with me. These spacesuits are the only thing that protect us from the air on the surface."

Digdug nodded. "Yes, Harry." He stuck his hands out expectantly, waiting to be picked up.

Harry tried not to snicker as he lifted the goblin and dropped him down in the suit. Digdug spread his legs to slide into the pants and was facing away with his back pressed up against Harry's belly. The top of his head didn't even come up to Harry's chest.

"It smells like crotch in here, Harry," Digdug noted from inside the spacesuit.

Harry laughed and was going to cast a charm to make it smell better when Digdug added, "I kinda like it."

Harry was suddenly feeling a little more uncomfortable sharing a spacesuit with the goblin. Unsure what to say, Harry was saved from having to respond by the reappearance of Fawkes, who was carrying the crew's tenth spacesuit.

Harry was about to say something when his communication device started blathering, "Harry! Harry! I told you something weird was going on! That fire-turkey stole a spacesuit!"

Harry saw Fawkes was as amused as he was and calmed the young spaceship down. "Relax Mr. U. I think Fawkes believed Digdug might like to actually see the surface, as opposed to the darkness in my spacesuit."

Fawkes dropped the suit down while Harry hefted the goblin out and away from his own body. Harry took his wand, resized the final spacesuit to fit the goblin, and got him situated. Harry wondered if Fawkes also knew how uncomfortable he was feeling in close proximity to a goblin that liked the smell of his crotch. Either way, he was grateful for the phoenix's forethought.

Armed with two shrunken vanishing cabinets, Luna's portrait, a trunk full of stuff, a trunk of Digdug's stuff, and some actual truths about what happened on Earth-That-Was, Harry was ready to go. They all linked hands and Harry grabbed a hold of Fawkes' tail as they disappeared in a burst of fire.

When they reappeared on the surface, they all began to walk towards the small spacecraft, except for the tiniest new cosmonaut. He hadn't moved since Fawkes had set them down. Fawkes tapped his beak on Harry's helmet. Harry stopped and noticed Digdug was just standing there in a stupor.

"You guys go on through the airlock first," Harry assured them and went back to make sure the goblin was okay.

"I'll grab the kit and get the soil samples," Antonio stated, making his way onto the ship first.

"Digdug?" Harry asked. "You okay?"

"It's beautiful," Digdug said in amazement.

"Hmm," Harry smiled at the awestruck goblin. "It's funny, you know. When I saw what had become of the planet, I was horrified. For me, it was like a nightmare. But for you? Yeah, this just may be the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. No offense to the vault or anything."

"I always wanted to see the rest of the world that only existed in stories," Digdug explained. "But nothing could have prepared me for this."

"Wait till you see some blue skies or oceans," Harry argued. "Hmm… one day I'll need to figure out a way to get you to a zoo. There's a lot more than goblins out there."

"I'm all set," Antonio interrupted waiting by the ship as everyone else had already boarded.

"We're coming," Harry replied and looked down at Digdug. "You ready?"

Digdug nodded and began to walk towards Antonio and the ship.

Harry looked at the phoenix on his shoulder. "Thank you, Fawkes, for everything."

Fawkes looked at Harry incredulously and shook his head.

Harry smiled, having hoped for this. "You're coming with us, aren't you?"

Fawkes just nodded, slightly offended that Harry hadn't known.

Harry grinned happily as he followed Antonio and Digdug onto the ship and into the airlock. Fawkes squawked indignantly as the small room was depressurized and the temperature cooled so drastically. Harry laughed at the ruffled feathers on the immortal creature and got pecked pretty hard once he took off his helmet.

They all got out of their spacesuits and walked up towards the front. Mr. Universe swung the engine room door shut behind them. River was sitting in the pilot's seat, but wasn't doing anything as Mr. Universe was handling the flying now. He reminded them that he finished first in his class, even beating out the young Hoban Washburn for top honors. Considering their reliance on him, no one pointed out that Mr. Universe had cheated to get that grade.

The exhausted group held on tight as they flew up and away from the planet's surface. Kaylee was holding up Digdug so he could see out the window. Harry went and claimed one of the empty bunks and was relaxing, Fawkes nestling in near his feet. Harry was wondering how he could have found the planet was practically a total loss, Hogwarts castle completely dead, and nearly all magical life extinguished but still come out feeling like things had been such a success.

Harry was just about to fall asleep, as he heard them announce they'd left the atmosphere, when Mr. Universe's loud voice interrupted. "Oh no you don't, Harry! You need to figure out what's going on here. I'm telling you, something freaky is on this ship. And I don't mean the fire-turkey, goblin, or Simon. There's something here!"

Harry groaned and realized he wasn't going to get any rest just yet.