Day 25: The Odds

Journal of the Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan

11th Day, 5th Month, 3902nd Year

Leia Organa Solo?

Really Han? I know you're not going to read this now, and for your act of kindness toward my journal. That was really sweet…but having your password for your journal be the initials of my name? And my name as if I was married to you yet! Ridiculous!

Just the fact that he had the nerve to do something like that. Of course, I was never supposed to know, but that could mean one of a few things. One, it could be silly to the point where he almost wanted me to find out what it was, and that's why he decided on that passcode, because he knew it would annoy me. But Chewie said he just broke the code, and if I know Han, he would tell Chewie about his plan to annoy me, so that must mean that it wasn't to annoy me in any way, which means he didn't want me to find out the passcode. Two, he could have used that because he knew I would never guess something like that…and I wouldn't have, and Chewie almost didn't either! Which leads me to the third one. I'm pretty sure there is only one way Han would come up with something like that for a code…and to have thought it all through…he could be serious.

That scares me…a lot.

Granted, this has made me think a lot about our relationship…if that's what I am calling it now. It's probably just a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, but I feel like I almost could live with Han for the rest of my life…just out here in space with Chewie…although I could go for some real food and less Goldenrod. So does that mean I'm thinking almost the same way Han is? Would I really want to be Leia Organa SOLO? I guess I've never really even thought about that kind of thing, but now that it's right there in front of me, I have no idea what to believe.

When Han opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the time. It was early, very early, and he wondered what could have woken him from sleep. Normally the only things that could wake him up were sounds coming from the Falcon or Leia. That's when he noticed that Leia wasn't beside him.

"Leia?" he asked to the empty room. No answer.

Figuring she might have gone to the fresher, he glanced in that direction, but the door was open and the room dark and quiet.

Pulling himself up from the bunk, he headed out the door, into the quiet hall. This was the second time Leia left the cabin that night, and he was determined to find out why.

"Leia?" he asked again, hoping she would hear him even though his voice was just a whisper. He didn't dare talking much louder, in fear he might wake up his co-pilot, but moving past Chewie's door and down the hall, he let his voice grow a little louder, and eventually he walked into the main hold.

"There you are Sweetheart."

Leia jumped at the sound of his voice, "Oh Han, you scared me."

Han moved to sit next to her on Chewie's oversized chair, and pulled her into the comfortable position they held so often, "How so?"

"I thought I was the only one up."

"Why, did you want to be the only one up?"

"Yes, No..I mean, I wanted you to be up, but…"

"Ok, I get it. But my real question is what were you doing up so early?"

"It's not that early."

"Yes it is…it's only 0400. That sounds pretty early to me Princess."

Leia turned back to her data pad, "Maybe to you, but I felt like getting up."

Han was silent for a few moments, watching her type away at the data pad. "What is it?"

"What is what?" she snapped.

"Woah, woah, I just want to make sure you're ok, which obviously you're not if you're snapping at me like that" he continued, holding up his hands.

Leia sighed, "I'm sorry Han."

"Sorry for what?"

"For snapping at you, for causing you to come on this trip, for having to watch out for me all this time, for letting you get involved with me" she finished, moving away from Han and off the chair.

"Well the snapping I can see" he joked, but he noticed she was in no joking mood.

Leia had moved away from him and out into the hall, towards the back hold. He followed, and when they got there, she pressed her back against the far wall, concealed almost completely in shadow, and dropped so she was sitting on the floor, her head on her knees, crying.

"Hey" he said quietly, moving towards her and sitting down next to her. "If you're sorry for making me go on this trip, then you're wrong."

"And I suppose you're right?"

"Let me explain, will ya? The hyperdrive is my fault, because the Falcon is my ship, and that's my responsibility, plus, we all had to evacuate anyway."

"But you wouldn't have been there if it weren't for me in the first place."

"I chose to come help you out. You had no say in the matter."

"And why did you decide to come rescue me? Why really did you?"

"I came back because I lo…" he stopped suddenly, aware of what he was about to say to her.

Leia turned and looked at him, her eyes wide and her expression shocked, "What did you say?"

"I said I came back for you because I wanted to make sure you got out. Luke would have killed me if…"

"That's not what you were going to say, was it?"

"No."

"Then why won't you say it?"

"Leia, I came back for you because I needed to make sure you were safe, even if it wasn't with me. I just had to know before I left for Jabba that you were safe."

"Is that the truth."

Han paused for a moment, but then replied. "Yes."

After a few moments of silence, Han heard Leia whisper to him, "Hold me."

Without another word, Han wrapped his arms around the young woman beside him, bringing her head to his chest, and he lightly kissed the top of her head.

Soon her breathing slowed and she fell asleep against him, and Han lightly whispered, "I love you" before closing his own eyes.

[Cub? Where are you?] yelled Chewbacca as he made his way throughout the Falcon. Han and the Princess had been missing all morning, and it was now well after breakfast, and he was beginning to get worried.

A part of him didn't want to know what the two humans had been doing all morning, but he knew Han would tell him if something like that was going to happen, and at least warn him. So he set out to find them.

Opening the door to the last hold, the only one left to check, he immediately heard his friend, although it was just a whisper.

"Chewie, be quiet will ya?" said Han from his location to the Wookiee's left.

[Cub, what are you doing in here? And why is the Princess…]

"It's a bit of a long story, but something is up with her today, and I have no idea."

The wookiee had to restrain a laugh at Han's oblivious reaction to Leia's behavior. He knew that he shouldn't spoil this for the girl. She needed some time to figure it out herself before getting Han involved. He knew Leia would tell Han when the time was right.

[Well what happened this morning that ended you up here?]

"Basically, I got up, she wasn't there, I went to find her, found her in the main hold, she yelled at me for no apparent reason, she ran off here, had a breakdown and then fell asleep against me."

[She was mad at you, but she fell asleep against you?]

"Like I said, I have absolutely no idea Pal."

[It's long after breakfast, she's going to have to get up sooner or later. I can't help much more] he said, stepping towards the door again, [I have to get to my watch, or 3P0 might start to plot something against me.]

"So you're saying I should wake her up and ask her to explain why she was so mad."

[You're getting good at this figuring out relationships thing Cub.]

"I know" he said, his lopsided smile coming across his face.

[You're so humble Cub] the wookiee joked, finishing their conversation as he walked back out of the hold and toward the cockpit.

Han turned from looking at the door to looking at Leia, who was still sound asleep against his chest. He had fallen to sleep not long after she had, but was woken by Chewie's yelling.

Gently he shook Leia, "Sweetheart, wake up. Come on, breakfast time."

"Five more minutes" she groaned, stirring against him and trying to bury her head further into his chest.

"No, now. Don't try this again. Now come on" he continued, moving so he could stretch and begin to stand up.

"But Han" she pleaded.

"First you want to get up early, and now you don't want to get out of bed" Han said, shaking his head as he stood up, leaving Leia on the floor. He reached out for her hands to help her up.

"Yeah, because I'm tired" she said, placing her hands in his.

"And you weren't before?"

"No, I wasn't tired then, I wanted to get up, remember?" she said as he pulled her up.

"We're sounding repetitive Princess" he said, leaning in to kiss her. She met him and kiss him lightly before breaking away.

"Whatever Flyboy. I'm hungry, what's for breakfast?"

"Chewie already ate, but we can go find some food in the galley."

"Sounds good" she said before giving him another quick kiss and pulling him out the door towards the galley.

"In a hurry are we?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry!" she said as they made their way into the hall.

"Well then come here" he said, pulling her back towards him, flush against his body, and into another kiss.

At first Leia kissed him forcefully, but then pulled away, "Come on now, I really am hungry."

"I know" he smirked.

"Will you stop saying that?"

"Saying what?"

"I know. It's so irritating."

"If you say so Princess" he finished, letting her go and running towards the galley. "Last one there has to clean dishes!"

"Han! That's not fair! Come back!" she said, chasing after him.

Leia was sitting in the cockpit, sometime in the middle of her shift, when Han walked in.

"Hey Sweetheart."

"Hi Flyboy. What brings you here?"

"I just thought maybe you'd like some company."

"Yeah, I guess I could. These shifts aren't exactly interesting."

"Hey, we all have to do them Sweetheart, not just you."

"I know. It's just…I finished this book, so now I don't even have anything to read."

"You certainly read a lot Princess."

"I love reading, used to do it all the time on Alderaan, especially when I was young and before I got involved with the senate and the Rebellion."

"I see" he said, leading the room into quietness.

After a few minutes, Leia finally asked, "If you are here to keep me company, why aren't we talking?"

Han sighed, "Leia, what was up with you this morning?" No answer, just silence. "Come on, I need to know. I can't have you all worried about something for the next 15 days and pretend that nothing is the matter."

"I can't…I just…" she started, but stopped as she turned away from him.

"Please Leia. What's bothering you?"

"I know your password, ok? There I told you!"

"You what?"

"I know the password to your logs. Chewie knew them and I wanted a copy of the poem you wrote for my data pad, so I asked him to open it for me and then I saw it as he typed it in."

"Alright, then what is it?"

"It's L.O.S. Han." He turned to look out the window at the stars, rubbing his face with his hand. "And I know what it stands for. It's Leia Organa Solo, isn't it?"

He looked back at her, his hazel eyes meeting her brown.

"All I want to know is why you chose that as your password." He continued to look at her. "Please. You wanted to know what was wrong."

Han sighed again, "You want to know the truth, right?"

"Always."

"I chose that password for two reasons. First because you would never guess it, although you still figured out the meaning pretty easily. Second because I thought it sounded nice. Leia Organa Solo."

"You realize that it implies us getting married, right?"

"Well of course, but if you think about it, if we got married, it certainly wouldn't mean you would take my last name. You are a princess after all" he pointed out.

"But why were you even thinking about something like that? If it was to annoy me, it worked, but only because I got involved. I wasn't supposed to figure out your password."

"I know that."

"Then why is that your password."

"Because maybe I like to think about what the future could be instead of what we all know it will be! We both know we would never work out," Han yelled, standing up and walking to the other side of the cockpit before continuing, "and that once this trip is over you'll go back to the Rebellion and I'll go to be killed my Jabba, and so that name doesn't mean much more than my want to stay, does it?"

When Han finally turned back to Leia her expression was a mix of shock and tears. "So you used it because you thought it would never happen, or because you wanted it to happen?"

"Leia, I…" he started, but she had started crying, and with a sigh, he left the room.

Log of the Millennium Falcon

5/11/3902

Now I've done it for sure. She probably hates me now or something. Never wants to see me again.

Is it my fault that I love her? No, not really, but it's certainly not her fault either. Why I chose that as my password I honestly can't remember…probably set it when I was half drunk or something, but I do know in the back of my mind that her name does sound nice with Solo at the end, and a growing part of me feels like if we all survive this thing, and I end up coming back from Jabba, I would love to spend the rest of my life waking up next to her.

As much as that would be a great way to spend the rest of my life, I feel now would be the time that Goldenrod appears and tells me that the odds of both of us living through the war and me living through Jabba are approximately 10,954,039 to 1 or something. We know it's never going to happen, so why is she mad at me for wishing something like that could happen.

I agree, it's a strange thought, a Princess and a guy like me…married, but something changed in the last three years. I've changed. When I joined this lost cause of a Rebellion, I was here to make sure Leia and the Kid stayed safe, and because I owed it to Chewie to stay, but towards the end, I really stayed because of just Leia. Sure, there was still the kid, and I was more involved with missions and stuff, but the more I got involved with Leia, the more I felt the need to protect her. With the whole Alderaan thing still in the back of her mind, and the battles that we lost against the Empire that she felt were her fault. She blamed herself for so much of it, and I needed to make sure she understood that no matter what happened, she would always have someone there for her…and that someone was me.

It started as a friendship, because as much as I was attracted to her, the kid was too…but then I noticed how she would look at me, and then it became as a kind thing. I comforted her when she needed to be comforted, and I riled her up when she looked bored. Probably not the best idea on my part all the time, because that just made her angry.

But then we hit the Ord Mandell thing, and everything changed, at least between us, but that's a whole other story. And then came this little trip, and now it's pretty obvious…she loves me and I love her, and the only thing that's going to change that is if something happens to one of us. The other will move on with their life, and be happy, but for now, I know I could never leave Leia unless it was a life or death situation, which facing Jabba is, because I want her to have the best life she possibly can.

So in short, I made that my password because it was at least some form of hope that a life with her could be possible. But I know now that she needs more than a piece of hope, she needs to know how I truly feel.

I love her, and I just wish I could tell her that.