Chapter 25

Castle of Glass

After my miraculous recovery, anyone who knew about the incident, i.e. the entire school, would either gaze at me in wonder and awe or skirt the space around me as if I was going to suddenly lash out.

So business as usual, then.

The next several weeks following the incident nothing terribly strange or alarming occurred. Though technically, James made a point of reaching out to me as though I were as close to him as Sirius had always been. And he wasn't yearning after Lily with every breath. Sirius told me he actually had a study date with Mary a few times, and he sounded almost apologetic, as though James should've asked me for permission. Which was false—whatever had risen betwixt me and Mary McDonald had faded long ago. As for me, while I never actively sought out company, I also never had a moment alone other than in dreams. In classes it was one of the Gryffindor boys, Alice or Zabini—who would also find me at mealtimes just to chat about nothing. Then in the evenings it was Damocles, Pan and occasionally Dork, who told me, "That was noble, what you did. Risking your neck for Evans, being what she is and you being who you are."

I guess that was her way of trying to amend all the nasty things she'd said to me over the years. If she kept that up I might even consider calling her Meadowes. In the time leading up to the Christmas break, all the girls in school, or at least the ones I was aware of, starting acting a little...strange. The only normal one was Alice, who explained to me very patiently that Slughorn was hosting a party of sorts, and all of his favorite students had been encouraged to bring a date.

"Apparently a few famous people are going to be in attendance and Slughorn's promised to put in a good word for any and every student that goes. Sort of a gateway to upper society, if you will. Frank has already promised to make sure I get introduced to Celestina Warbeck." she smiled, happy with her life and love, while something was already stirring in my brain.

"Who else is in Slughorn's little club?" I asked, just to confirm.

"Um, I know Amos Diggory is...and Regulus Black, Avery, Lily Evans, Damocles Belby, Dorcas Meadowes...erm, I think-" just as she was about to hit her speaking stride, we were interrupted by the bell, signaling the end of lunch. "-damn. We'd better get to Alchemy."

"Yes, I'd rather not get shouted at by a six hundred year old woman."

Madam Flamel, while extremely knowledgeable and more than capable of teaching the subject, was the scariest teacher I'd ever had while at Hogwarts, and that includes the professors daring enough to take on the cursed DADA job. She was so quiet when she moved, she could practically sneak up on anyone and then scare the living daylights by speaking suddenly. She got angry at Sirius the other day [for being his usual, smart-aleck and disruptive self] and scolded him for ten minutes. Granted, most of it had been in French, but we spoiled and tutored kids got the gist.

As I opened the door and then followed Alice into the classroom, I felt a familiar tugging sensation and then after a pop I was standing alone in a corridor. It was not a Hogwarts corridor, but I was definitely in a castle type place-the view out the nearest window confirmed that straightaway.

Crow!

Wha-at?

WARN ME!

Oh yeah. You're about to change timelines.

I NOTICED.

Then why'd I have to warn you?

Growling in frustration and glancing around for some kind of clue as to why he'd brought me there, my eyes were drawn to the window. It might have been because it was right beside me, or it might have been the sunlight shining through it…or possibly the human sized hole and the pieces of broken glass glinting across the roof.

Don't tell me…

Not what you might think, but yeah, you have to follow that glass.

Of course I do.

I pushed out the jagged remains and stepped onto the roof, my movements cautious but surprisingly quick as I walked along the trail of broken glass. Had I not been furious with the deity residing in my pocket or distracted by wondering why someone would jump through a window and run around on the roof of a castle approximately 8 or 9 floors off the ground-I might've noticed how Ilvermorny was a well-designed and beautifully crafted structure. I might've seen how, in comparison, Hogwarts had a somewhat gloomy exterior.

But I was distracted, therefore I didn't notice.

The trail led to the edge of the slanted rooftop, and luckily I spotted who I'd been sent to aid, I'd rather expected to be turret hopping for a few minutes. But instead of the slight figure of my sister at a younger age, I was staring at the hunched figure of a boy.

Um.

Talk to him.

I thought the deal was getting to see my sister on these visits!

The deal is you interact as I need you to interact and on occasion you get family time. Talk. To. Him.

Before I could figure out a good way to make myself known without scaring him, he lifted his head and turned a pair of glowing golden eyes on me. I instantly thought of Remus and knew this guy was a werewolf. A crying werewolf. And yet, for someone who had just jumped through a window, he bore no cuts on his skin or had pieces of glassing sticking out in strange places. However, I did spot a few stragglers in his wild hair.

"What are you doing out here?" when he spoke, I spotted fangs where his incisors should've been. Remus didn't have that.

"Obviously, I'm out for a walk. What are you doing out here?"

"Out for a…are you crazy, man?"

"Says the fellow with glowing eyes and pointed teeth in the middle of the afternoon," I replied frankly.

His hand flew to his mouth and inspected his fangs as though he hadn't been previously aware, and let out a soft whine as he confirmed my words. "Oh no…no it's too late-!" And then he let loose a feral roar. Forget werewolf, he was probably werelion or weretiger or werebear-"I can't! I can't! I-" He lurched backwards, effectively launching himself off the slanted castle roof and likely would've bashed his head in upon landing on the mountainside.

Except I was there. And I'd seen enough blood in my short but horrific lifetime. I seized the front of his robes and yanked him back until he was on sure footing again. "Not today, skippy."

"WHY!" he howled in my face. Growing up with Burgie as my aunt, I knew a thing or two about getting yelled at, but at least she had the decency to do it without fangs, glowing eyes and dog breath.

"Because dying is pointless!" I yelled back, feeling that volume was the way to break through his density.

He whined again and seemed to go limp in my grasp. "M-my death is p-pointless, yeah, no one would care if I left. N-nobody, and especially n-not h-h-her…"

I shut my eyes. Of course this was about a girl. "Forget her!"

"I can't! She's my heart, breath and soul I can't live without her!" The werewolf began to writhe, as though he could wiggle himself to death. I didn't need him to explain, the whole thing was seared across his forehead. Boy meets girl, boy loves girl, girl loves different boy, girl rejects boy, boy tries to off himself to escape the pain. Oh shit. When I touched on the pain part of this tragic love story, I accidentally felt what he was going through and suddenly, dying sounded like a very good idea.

Work through it, Kid, that's not what's meant to happen.

Can you feel this?

You mean the agonizing shredding, burning, stabbing, exploding terror and depression crushing every nerve? Yeah, I get the idea.

Why does it hurt so badly?

It's heartbreak times a thousand deaths, because his kind feel it in a deeper way. Magicfolk don't often find their soulmate, partner or what have you but werewolves seek them out, meditate on them, and once found they literally cannot stand to live without them. Unfortunately for Jonathan here, you can't allow him to die.

Why is he important?

Ya gonna have to trust me on this one.

"Let me die, please!" Jonathan was crying again, hanging from the grip I had on his robes. "I can't do it, I can't stand this anymore!"

No wonder he jumped through glass, what he was feeling inside was nothing compared to a few cuts. "Jonathan, listen to me," I said as steadily as I could.

He wailed, tears falling freely from his eyes. "No! No, I can't I can't please! I need to die!"

Some voice in the back of my head that sounded suspiciously like Jules said, Dude. Get a grip and grow a pair.

Not my usual style, but maybe it's what was necessary. I tossed him back towards the castle, onto the spine of the rooftop. He yelped when he landed on his stomach, but lay limply, as if hoping I was about to finish the job. "Jonathan!" he looked at me, kinda-he looked at my shoes.

"N-no one calls me that," he said shakily.

"What do they call you?"

"Gunner," he replied after a pause. By then his eyes had risen to my knees. "I've never told anyone at school my real name was Jonathan. How did you know my name?"

"The grumpy voice in my head told me," I said without thinking. I was just glad he'd stopped whining and screaming.

His eyes snapped on mine at that. "You're a werewolf too?"

I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. "Yeah, man. And I know how excruciating rejection is." I literally just felt it. It sucked.

"You've been rejected?" He frowned up at me, and thanks to Legilimency I got to hear how he couldn't believe anyone would turn down a lifetime with me. Thanks, I think. "How are you still here?" he gasped shakily. "Are you like an angel of death to take me away? Is that why your eyes aren't glowing?" Must be a full moon tonight.

"Not quite. I'm more like the angel of don't you dare throw your life away because of some dame."

Jonathan squinted, wrinkling his nose. "That's a mouthful."

"The point is, you need to live." I was struck by an idea. He already believed I was a ghost or something anyway so I added, "Don't make my mistakes. There's other ways to heal this hurt, to fill your life and you shouldn't abandon those who care for you already just because one person can't see the value in you."

He began to push himself onto his feet. "What happened after you died, then?"

I sighed, trying to put out a wave of regret, but at best it might've been a shiver of disappointment. "That pain coursing through your veins right now…my family, my friends, they all felt that but times infinity."

That's excessive.

Hey, he thinks I'm an angel, which doesn't exist.

Actually…

What!

Kidding. They're not my division.

"Would you really do that to your family?" I asked, as Jonathan had gone very quiet.

He sniffed and rubbed at his eyes. "I got three sisters," he muttered.

"Nice."

"And six brothers," he added, sniffing hard until he made a gross snorting noise.

"Wow." Who's excessive now?

I'd hate to be his in-law.

What does that have to do with anything?

Crow didn't reply other than some weird cackle.

"They don't deserve this…specially the younger ones…I gotta do better than this. I got three younger brothers at school right now… they're waiting for me in the woods…we like to run as a pack with the other wolves in school…" he wiped at his nose, eyes and took a shuddering breath. "I won't abandon them."

I did not think it'd be that easy.

Oh you talked him back from the edge, sure, but he's gonna do some major damage later on. But for now, he'll be okay.

Wait, what?

And with another soft pop, I was walking into Alchemy behind Alice, taking my usual seat beside Regulus, and trying to decipher Madam Flamel's French accent along with everybody else.

I didn't have the space to think about the American werewolf until dinner, where I could finally permit my thoughts to run free. I couldn't imagine being so heartbroken that death would be a more viable option—yes I'd experienced his pain but I hadn't been the rejected one. I glanced around the great hall, my gaze finding Mary, Lily, Alice, Pan, even Dork and I felt nothing.

Am I dead inside?

No. I've checked.

Did you do something to me—because I belong to another time and shouldn't waste my time on any of them-?

Now that's an idea! But no, I—

"What do you think you're doing?" I was hit with the scent of citrus and then the seat beside me was filled by none other than Zabini.

Gesturing at my untouched dinner plate I said, "I'm eating."

She pointed one perfectly manicured finger in my face. "Don't lie, I saw you eying your little girlfriends. Well, that's going to have to stop from tonight onward."

I was torn between denying I had any girlfriends and asking what the hell she meant by that. I settled for, "Why's that?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Well, as my date to Slughorn's party, the only girl you ought to be thinking about is me."

I frowned in confusion, wracking my memory for a moment before saying, "I never asked to go with you to Slughorn's party."

"No you didn't, which is why I'm telling you now; you're escorting me, and you should only look at me from now on." Zabini wasn't being bossy; she spoke with a certain confidence that both intrigued and frightened me. I think I knew then that she wouldn't accept my refusing her but I also didn't want to roll over and accept it.

"What makes you think I'd take you anywhere? I barely walk with you from Alchemy to Potions." If walking with you currently means speed walking out of your reach for six floors.

She giggled sweetly and patted my leg, which sent a few jolts through my nervous system. "Pretend all you want, but you and I both know there are places you'd love to take me."

She's right, I told Crow. I'd like to take her out to the Black Lake and push her in.

Sounds like true love ta me.

I grimaced at her and shook my head. "I'm not going to that party. Nothing you say or do will change my mind."

"Is that a challenge, Roman?" she asked silkily.

"More of a declaration."

She smiled, took my face in her hands and kissed me. I didn't immediately pull away, mainly because she was stronger than she looked, but also because I actually felt something. Something I'd very much like to feel again in the near future.

And it absolutely terrified me.

Yup. True love.

Shut up.

"-can't believe the insanity that went into planning for that day! I mean we've got apparition lessons that same morning, a chance, nay a small window to pop on down to the village to find something decent to wear and then that gives us all what, an hour possibly two to prepare-" Marlene was talking. Again. Since her breakup with Bartholomew Smith, she had to find ways to express herself to anyone who would listen and Lily really did try. But nowadays all she wanted to talk about was the day Slughorn had chosen to host his little Christmas party. It wasn't the first time he'd thrown one, but Lily sensed that because they were all a bit older, and that much closer to graduation, her peers felt it appropriate to place all focus and hopes into the exclusive event. You couldn't actually get in unless you were one of his favorites or accompanied by one of his favorites, and for a man who believed in excess he was quite picky when it came to students. Lily had already promised she'd attend, but that only added to the pressure of inviting a date.

And while she was determined to go with someone in whose company she could enjoy herself, she couldn't stop thinking about Potter…who had not spoken to her since Roman had been in the hospital wing. And that had been many weeks ago…she ought to be relieved that he'd stopped pestering her, right? So why couldn't she get him off her mind..? Potter with his stupid hair and his stupid smile and his stupid… Ugh. Just think about something else, she told herself with a little shake of her head.

Distantly she heard Marlene say, "I know! Shocking, to say the least but completely unbelievable! So then I said-"

Speaking of Roman, maybe she could ask him to go with her. He wouldn't try anything weird, make inappropriate jokes and she could speak freely with him. And since Snape was suspended until after the holidays, he'd be safe from another attack… Yes, she convinced herself that Roman was a safe bet. It didn't hurt that he had all the handsome looks of Sirius without the arrogance, and also the quiet nature of Regulus without the dark magic fascination… And yet, she'd seen glimpses of the real Roman…and he was sassy as hell.

Maybe in spending more time with him she could uncover more of the real side of him, because he was so different from what everyone had expected him to be…was that all a lie or for some kind of protection…and if so, from what?

She glanced towards the Ravenclaw table to try and pick him out and nearly choked on her food. Remus, who was sitting beside her, thumped her on the back as a precaution until she waved him off. "I can breathe."

"You sure?" he asked kindly.

"No." Lily pointed at the Ravenclaw table. "Look."

Remus followed her finger with a blank expression, and then his eyes widened slightly. Marlene had broken off her daily saga to have a look and then she was tapping Mary and Peter on her sides to turn as well. "Why that little traitor," she said indignantly.

Remus elbowed Sirius at last. "Look at Roman."

"Why?" Sirius asked, squinting through the sea of students. "Is he getting attacked by another Slytherin?"

"Sort of…"

When he caught sight of his cousin, whose mouth had been glued to that wench from Slytherin. Zither? Zatana? Zabini! Sirius made a noise of disgust. "I don't want to see that! Look away!" He turned his head to address the rest of them. "To be completely honest, I'm surprised it's taken them this long."

"What?" Lily gasped. "How long have they been seeing each other?"

"Not 'them' as in Zabini and Roman," Sirius explained. "'Them' as in the girls from pureblood families who know that my cousin is the oldest son of the Black family this generation, and thus will inherit everything my family has to offer. It's a power play. I expected Henriette Fawley, Sabrina Flint, Tabitha Macmillan, even Clarity Selwyn or Katherine Rosier I'd have thought would have made some bid by now…"

"Is that what Twycross was doing a few weeks ago?" Marlene asked, reminding them all of those few days where Roman and Pandora apparently had a relationship.

Sirius shook his head. "Twycross is too pure for that kind of thinking. Whether or not they were truly involved, she wouldn't look at Roman and think of the status he could offer her. Zabini on the other hand…I guess she's always been a bit of a dark horse."

"Meaning?" asked Mary skeptically. Lily remembered when her friend had nursed a secret crush on Roman back when he still went by Lux, but she seemed to be almost over him now.

"Well she is a pureblood, but her family's poor. Well, her father is, anyway," Sirius sighed. "Zabini and her mother I imagine are used to a certain lifestyle, and if she can land my cousin, she's set for life."

"Isn't part of his inheritance owed to you?" Peter asked through a mouthful of potatoes.

"Not anymore," he said with a chuckle. "Not unless my parents die without fixing their will first."

"What about your older cousins?" Marlene asked, leaning forward to get a better view of Sirius. "They get an inheritance, too?"

He coughed. "Well, in traditional terms, they have a dowry that's given to their husbands at marriage…and then they're the new family's problem."

Lily, Mary and Marlene all raised their eyebrows and frowned down the table at him simultaneously. "Wow."

Sirius tried to recover. "I don't agree with that way of thinking, obviously! Everything my family stands for can go-"

"So Zabini's a gold digger, is what you're saying," Remus said, going back to the original topic. "That's why she's running her hands through his hair and-" sitting beside her, Lily could feel him shudder. "Ugh. I didn't need to see that either."

"I told you to look away!" Sirius said dramatically.

You're about to switch.

Again?

He's expecting you this time. Don't ask too many questions.

Who's expecting me?

Here you go.

The next thing I knew I was standing on the edge of the sea. Quite literally, I was perched upon a rocky outcrop gazing into a cave hidden by the high tide and the cliff hanging over it. But the tides were beginning to ebb. I think Crow sped up the time a little bit because I blinked and the tide was low, and I was no longer alone on the rock.

"It's been a long time, Roman," said Regulus calmly. His voice was a bit deeper than the last time I'd heard it. How many years had passed?

"Indeed. How long since we last spoke?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent.

"Well, you look about 17 now, so I suspect almost three years have passed since I saw you like this," he spoke with such certainty, I knew he was aware that I was a mere remnant of time. Glancing down, I spotted the house-elf Kreacher, practically hugging my cousin's leg. "You sure this is the place?" Regulus asked him.

"It's here alright," I answered, remembering something Crow had shown me, over a year ago now. While I had no idea why Regulus would come to this spot three years in the future, I knew it was the right place for whatever he was looking for. Blame it on Legilimency or paranoia or the mark on my arm, but I could tell that this place, or the cave up ahead, was dangerous.

"How do you know?" Older Regulus asked.

"You can taste the dark magic from here," I said indifferently. "Are we going to stand in the sea spray all night or did you have a plan?"

"Kreacher?"

The old elf grabbed my cloak and with a loud CRACK, the three of us were standing at the edge of a pool, I assumed within the cave. Older Regulus could probably apparate on his own by now, but elf magic had always been able to get away with things that wizard magic could never manage. Having Kreacher there probably saved us a load of grief, but I didn't comment.

I withdrew my wand and muttered, "Lumos!" squinting as the dark space was illuminated suddenly. The water was dark and foreboding, but Reg was already working on finding a way to cross it. Kreacher held his robes and led him around the edge, saying, "Mustn't touch the water, Masters."

I wanted to ask why, but Crow had said no questions. Knowing I was in the future, I could understand why. But still…

If you touch the water, they'll wake up.

What will?

The dead.

That ominous announcement brought me back to my first ride on the Hogwarts express, where a young Sirius and James had debated whether flatulence could wake the dead…

Maybe think of something a bit more appropriate for this situation?

Maybe mind your own thoughts.

I'm in your head, it's all I got, Kid.

"Coming?" I looked up and saw that Regulus had conjured a boat from somewhere. He had already helped Kreacher board and was looking back at me expectantly. Within minutes we were moving across the black water, which did not ripple even as the boat glided along. It was rather like sliding across ice or glass. Our destination was the center of the pool, or given the size of it I guess lake was a more accurate description, the small island sticking up out of the glassy surface. The only reason I'd give it a second look was the greenish glow it was giving off.

"He's not exactly subtle, is he?" Reg scoffed from the bow.

I didn't know who he was talking about, but I snorted derisively to give off the impression that I did. "All the better for us, I suppose."

He grimaced but did not comment. The boat had at last come to the little island and the three of us stepped off, careful again to not disturb the surface of the black water. Kreacher looked nervous now, as his beady eyes stared at the thing giving off the green light. It was a basin of sorts, of an old design and did not belong in the middle of a cave under a cliff beside the ocean, yet here it was.

Regulus raised his wand and waved it over the basin, which I now realized contained a strange liquid, and at its bottom was a locket. "Evanesco," but nothing happened. He tried other things, like transfiguring it to water, or firewhiskey, even pudding, but the potion wouldn't budge. I even tried sticking my wand in the basin, to try and retrieve the locket without having to do what I was slowly beginning to realize we might have to do. My wand couldn't even pass the rim of the basin, and I exchanged a glance with Reg before Kreacher pointed out the little goblet resting nearby.

Reg squared his shoulders. "Right. I'll do it."

Kreacher gave a strangled sort of grunt. "No Master Regulus! You mustn't!"

"Kreacher, we've talked about this, and I'm not letting you go through this again."

Again?

He was used as a guinea pig; made your cousin furious when he found out it was for this but it provided him with a location if anything.

Why is the locket so important?

Just go along with this. But remember, Regulus has to survive this.

And me?

I'm protecting you.

Like you protected me against the evil healing potions and spells from Madam Pomfrey?

I told you they were getting in my way!

"No, I'm doing it." I said, snatching the goblet from Reg's hand and swigging it down without another word.

"Roman!" Reg looked scandalized at my action, but I was already dipping the goblet for another round. "I can't send you back if you're-"

"If I'm what?" I snapped. "In a weakened state? At least I won't get suspended for this, eh?" And downed another few gulps of the potion. It was dry, and I think it would've been sweeter had I been forced to drink lava as with the third round I felt as though every nerve in my body was being spliced in half. It was around the fifth cup that a strange thing happened.

No, not strange.

Horrible. Vile. Cruel.

I had never been so aware of the Dark Mark on my arm as I was then. I knew logically I was in a cave with my cousin and his house elf, and I was drinking some potion that could've been poisoned for all I'd known initially. But my eyes showed me Sirius and James and Remus. They all had their wands pointed at my chest, and their eyes were filled with disgust and hate.

"Please, I didn't have a choice!" I heard myself cry. "I did it to save you, to save all of you."

"You should've died, Roman!" James snarled.

"Rather than betray your friends!" Sirius said in agreement, his eyes filled with a cold fury.

"You know what we have to do, don't you, Roman," Remus stated with a calm that sent chills down my spine.

I was shaking. There was a wetness in my eyes that I couldn't blink away and a certain pressure in my nose like a sneeze that refused to happen. It was several moments before I realized that I was afraid. Afraid of my cousin, my first friend and the boy I never wanted to call friend but now welcomed whole-heartedly though I would never admit it. And because they knew what I'd done, who I'd elected to follow…they were going to kill me…and I deserved it.

I couldn't shut my eyes as all three of them hit me with a green spell, but rather than meet a sudden and merciful death, they changed before my eyes to three other people. One I had never actually met, one I only remembered, and one I would do everything to meet again. My siblings. My real siblings. Julianne, Jacob and Seraphina. Jules was just as she was when she'd left me with my regained memories and firm convictions. Probably 17, 18 years old, red tennis shoes and torn muggle clothes. Jacob was as I remembered him, about 4 years old, with buck teeth and a shock of golden hair with wide blue eyes. I'd never met my littlest sister Seraphina, but I'd seen her through Jules, so she appeared to be about 10, with long dark hair like mine, expressive brown eyes like Jules', and we all shared the same nose. They stood before me, as cold and infuriated as my friends had been. The younger ones had no wands, and Jules didn't even bother drawing hers, though I could see it sticking out of her sock. They simply stood glaring at me.

"Do you know the pain you've put our family through?" Little Jacob said angrily. "How many times mom and dad cried through the night because they couldn't find you? And where were you?"

"You could've come home." Jules said, her voice quiet. "But you chose your rich family over your real one. You're not our brother. Not anymore. Stay with your rich family and rot for all I care."

I wanted to shout back, to deny and comfort them but I couldn't seem to speak, all I could do was feel their hatred for me, their desire for my endless suffering. If that's what they wanted then I would give it willingly…

Kid!

They want me dead… They all want me dead… Everything I've done and will do is for nothing they hate me!

Kid snap out of it!

KILL ME!

Someday, maybe but right now you have to open your eyes.

I don't want to, I want to die!

Ελιά Δαβίδ ρωμαϊκός Μαύρος άνοιξε τα μάτια σου!