Blaine had never felt more sucker punched in his entire life, Rachel continuing on with her explanation as he stared blankly back at her. Over, the word playing over and over again in his head. The past two and a half years of his life, thrown away because she wanted to focus on herself, on her career, on everything he thought he could be a part of as they grew older.
"Rachel, please we can-we can fix this," he pleaded, his voice sounding weak and vulnerable to his own ears as she shook her head, retracting her hands as he reached for them over the table.
"There's nothing to fix, Blaine," she said simply, and her voice was so even and calm and devoid of any of the proper emotions he felt due that he thought perhaps being stabbed in the heart might be easier to deal with.
"Of course there is," he said, ignoring the shaking of her head. "Rach, just-tell me what I did wrong, tell me how to make this better. I can't lose you, Rachel, I love you." He could see the slight hitch in her breathing, the small glimmer of hope that maybe they could work through this, move on, place this behind them as they moved forward in their lives.
"I love you too," she said, her voice quiet as she stared at the table in between them. "But I'm sorry, Blaine, I'm just not in love with you anymore."
He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes as he stared at her in shock, words he never thought would come from her out in the open, surrounding them before she stood, smoothing down her skirt anxiously before she placed a small kiss on his cheek, whispering a quiet "I'm sorry," in his ear before racing out the door, leaving Blaine alone in the middle of the crowded restaurant to deal with the end of his world crashing around him.
He did his best to move on, to move past Rachel and let go of the future he had been planning for them. He placed the ring he had been planning on proposing to her with in a drawer hidden away, out of sight out of mind, but it haunted his dreams.
The first time he saw her after their demise, almost three months later as he crossed 42nd street on his way uptown, she was holding hands with the last person he'd ever expect-Jesse St. James.
He should have expected it, really. Jesse was becoming just as known in the Broadway world as she was, and their circles were growing closer and closer as she moved up from off-Broadway to a real stage, but he didn't expect her to leave him for her old boyfriend. He didn't expect for Rachel to leave him and their life together for probably the second most arrogant man Blaine had ever met, and the thought that Jesse would never appreciate her as much as Blaine did boiled under his skin.
It was another six months before he gave in and attended her show, sitting next to a girl he could have cared less about while the love of his life stood on stage belting her heart out. The love he had tried to lock away for so long came rushing out by the time they took bows, Rachel's face flushed with the pure elation she only got from performing.
If the same look was directed towards Jesse as she climbed into her car outside the stage door, well, Blaine was ignoring that.
It took him another week before he mustered up the courage to return to her old apartment, hoping that she was still living there. He located the name next to her old buzzer, the word BERRY still written in her own loopy script, complete with gold star, as he rang the buzzer and waited patiently for her to let him up. He had no idea if she would, but he came bearing a single pink carnation-one of her favorites, he knew- and the hope that maybe she'd reconsider her stance on their relationship.
She buzzed him in, though she didn't ask who it was, and he climbed the four flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator, knowing he needed just a small mental preparation before he knocked on her door.
It turned out he didn't have to, as she was waiting for him in her doorway, arms over her chest as she watched him appear. He felt the familiar jolt in his heart, the one that he felt anytime he saw her face-which was becoming increasingly often, the longer her musical went on and the more popular it became-a smile growing on his face as he neared her.
"Hi," was all he could think of to say, holding out the flower for her. "I know you're with Jesse, and all that, but-"
"I am," she stated, her voice clear and hardened, clearly her walls were up against him. He'd broken through them before, though, and he wasn't going to give up because of one obstacle.
"But," he continued, and she reached her hand out to take the flower, a small smile playing at her lips as something shiny distracted his train of thought, his eyes widening in surprise at the diamond ring she bore on her left hand. She seemed to notice where his eye line fell, twirling the silver band around her finger as she brought it back towards her, hanging her head and taking a deep breath.
"Last night," she said quietly, knowing what he couldn't voice. "We went to Sardi's after my performance, and he got down on one knee in front of the entire restaurant, and he proposed."
"That's not how you wanted to be proposed to," Blaine responded, because while she loved the attention, wanted all eyes on her more often than not, she was still a romantic who wanted her engagement to start with just her and the man she was to marry.
"It was lovely, really, his speech was very well prepared, and-"
"You're going to marry him after only 6 months?" Blaine accused, crossing his arms over his chest, ignoring that the ring he had waiting for her was more elegant, more her than the thing she currently wore.
"I've known him almost half my life, Blaine, and-"
"I was going to propose, you know," he said, and he didn't know why the words slipped out, but the look of shock on her face told him that she had no idea, that the element of surprise would have worked for him. "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, Rachel. I still do."
"Blaine, I can't do this," she shook her head, as if that'd make him disappear. "I can't handle this right now, I'm trying to-"
"Remember in high school," Blaine interrupted, "When you were so convinced you loved Finn Hudson enough to marry him? What if that's all this is again? Who has to get into a car crash to get you to halt this wedding?"
"That's not fair, Blaine," she retorted, her hands clenching in fists at her waist as she glared up at him. "I was young then, I didn't know any better."
"And at 25 you think you do?" Blaine shot back, the anger and hurt he'd left to feel on his own for the past few months welling up inside him. "I would have given you anything, Rachel, anything! And you left me, alone, in a fucking restaurant after you blindsided me!"
"What do you want me to tell you, Blaine?" she yelled back, her voice much louder than his own. The thought that they were in the middle of her hallway, where anyone could appear at any moment, didn't seem to pass through either of their minds as her eyes shot fire at him. "Do you want me to apologize because I couldn't handle being in a relationship with you anymore? Fine, I'm sorry," she declared, stomping her foot for emphasis in a way she only did when she was incredibly angry or upset. "But don't come here after half a year and expect to win me back suddenly. I've moved on, Blaine, and you should too!"
"I don't want to, Rachel!" he shouted, grabbing ahold of her left hand and glaring fiercly at the jewelry bestowed upon it. "This? This is supposed to be from me, not him, not anyone else. It wasn't supposed to happen at Sardi's, it was supposed to be you and I at the steps to Broadway at 2 in the morning while you drank tea and talked about how far we'd come, how your face was now gracing a billboard in one of the most famous places in the world. That's how it was supposed to happen."
"No, Blaine, it wasn't supposed to happen like that, or it would have. I'm with Jesse now, and you can't come change that!"
"Why not!" he screamed, unable to stop himself. "Does he love you the same way I do? Does he put you above anything and everything else in his life? I risked a lot for you, Rachel Berry, I risked everything. To him, you're just the safe choice, the obvious choice. You're not the right choice. I bet his heart doesn't start beating faster just at the mere mention of your name, or his stomach flip whenever he sees you perform. You're his co-star, his equal, not the love of his life!"
He could see the doubt forming behind her eyes, but before he could do anything about it he felt a pull of hands pulling him back, Jesse's rough voice that he'd heard enough, it was time for him to go, low and annoyed as he was pulled away from Rachel. He watched as she wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye before slamming the door to her apartment, Jesse not content to let Blaine free until he was outside once more. "Don't ever fucking come near her again, got it?" Jesse said, his eyes narrowed as Blaine stumbled onto the sidewalk below.
"You better fucking treat her right," Blaine shot back, ignoring any response the older boy might have had as he stormed off in the direction of the nearest subway, his nerves frayed and his heart broken even more than before.
"Well, well, well," a familiar voice said as Blaine waited for his morning coffee, "if it isn't Blaine Anderson, back from the dead."
He whirled around only to come face to face with Kurt Hummel, his first boyfriend and first love, the one he lost the second Rachel and him decided to take their own friendship to the next level. "Kurt," he replied with surprise, his eyebrows raised as he reached for the cup the barista was now handing him. "How've you been?"
"I've been better," Kurt responded nonchalantly, reaching for his own beverage. "Though, I'm sure better than you are. I hear Rachel and Jesse got married last weekend," Kurt said, his eyes narrowed as if he was waiting for Blaine's specific reaction to the news.
"Oh," was all he could muster before placing a fake smile on. "I knew it was coming, I didn't know it had already passed. I'm happy for them," he lied, blatantly, but Kurt seemed to take the bait as he nodded in response.
"They look really happy together," Kurt agreed, leading Blaine towards a small table out of the way of the rush. "I know this is a long shot, but if you're not busy, would you like to catch up?" Blaine hesitated, knowing that this was probably a bad idea-the similarities between Kurt and Rachel screaming out at him, screaming that starting something with this particular ex could only lead to trouble, that he'd be settling for Kurt because he couldn't have Rachel, but Kurt looked so excited at the possibility that Blaine found himself nodding and sliding onto a chair across from the other, making sure his smile seemed as sincere as possible.