Good day, everyone! (: I hope you are all doing well.

Chapter 25

They may not be the perkiest, but for their size, they aren't as bad as he made it sound?

Had that been the thing I'd said right after getting unceremoniously dumped in front of Will? Really?

My cheeks felt hotter just thinking about it. Who said that kind of thing, and to their boss no less?

Me, apparently.

Ugh, as if the public break up hadn't been embarrassing enough.

I tried to put it out of my head. No sense thinking about it, now. It was too late.

It had been a few hours since then, and the mortification and hurt of having Patrick end our relationship was slowly fading, even if faster than I imagined. But the more I thought about it, the more confusing my thoughts became.

What would Patrick tell his mum? What would he tell our friends?

That I had been cheating or that he had grown tired of me putting him last? Who knew? I didn't, and I had no control over what he told people.

I didn't know much about this new Patrick, the Marathon Man. Not since I moved away and he became obsessed with his fitness, and hanging out with new friends from the club and honestly, just acting different.

Gone was the soft and gentle man that once I thought would never hurt me.

And that was the man my heart was aching for… but I had to remind myself that people changed and he had, unfortunately. I couldn't find that man in Patrick anymore, no matter how hard I looked.

And I wanted to blame it on the distance, I really did. Even if I hated to be part of the cliché that long relationships don't work but… the idea that I had ruined a relationship of three years… it was a thought I couldn't allow.

I wasn't unaware that I probably could have tried harder to call more often, perhaps. But then whenever I did, it was usually not a good time. I had no idea what his schedule looked like anymore. If he wasn't about to go for a run or have pint with 'the guys', then he was about to walk into the gymnasium.

I knew he had to do something to fill up the time since I wasn't there but, couldn't he have put off a run here and there to talk with me?

I couldn't let myself take all the blame. Why hadn't he ever come to visit me? I knew why I didn't do it more often, but looking back, he could have tried to come, too.

So why hadn't he?

And the thought of being alone… it was overwhelming. Not that I had him in London but there was something about being able to tell people you had a steady boyfriend that made things better.

I hadn't been single in years… the feeling was so foreign and frankly, scary.

But I couldn't ignore the feel of a weight being lifted off my shoulders and the possibilities that seemed more in my reach now.

I knew Will was still off-limits, but it made my growing feelings less bad if I wasn't with someone, didn't it?

But that also meant that I no longer had Patrick to hide those feelings behind. What would this mean for me? I didn't want to start behaving differently around Will just because I didn't owe anything to anybody. He was with someone and… even if he wasn't, why would he want me?

No, I wouldn't let this get into my head and run away with my feelings. Now, more than ever, I needed to remember where the boundaries where. So what if my heart was compromised? It wouldn't be the first time someone had experienced unrequited affection.

And I had other interests now. Before, when I was with Patrick and still living in Pembroke, it all revolved around him. Where I would see him. When I would see him. What we would do.

Perhaps if he had left me then, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. But that wasn't the case anymore. I had other things I was passionate about, my life wasn't empty or purposeless.

I had to remind myself of that. I didn't have a reason to fall apart over this.

True, this job could drive me crazy at times but it was also exciting. I couldn't lie to myself and say that part of it wasn't Will… but not the main part, for sure.

I could see him there, sitting with his mum, and I couldn't help but to observe the emotional space there. Were that my mum and I, we'd be hugging non-stop and very possibly crying, or even just talking about all our worries and all the possible scenarios.

Perhaps it was a man thing. Maybe if it was his sister there, it'd be different.

Sister… he had a sister. I hadn't known that.

Will Traynor had a sister, and it seemed, most likely a younger one. It was strange to think it but also not too farfetched. After all, it was in the realm of possibilities.

It was just hard to imagine little Will and his even smaller sister with a younger Mrs. Traynor in that big and lonely house.

Had they been close as children? Or had they fought constantly? Or both, like Treena and I?

Truthfully, I didn't know much about his past or his childhood, but I did feel as if I knew him so well in other ways.

Was that my imagination thinking what it wanted to think?

It could be.

But the way he had dealt with Patrick, it just seemed like something he would do. He had stuck by me so far, why wouldn't he have then?

Except for time he left me to meet with Lowden and Harrison, of course, and left to do God knows what… but in his defense, I did manage, and I couldn't be expected to keep my training wheels on forever.

And when Patrick had left me there, humiliated and hurt, Will had been so caring and soft. Thinking of the way he had acted towards me brought a smile to my face… the way his arms felt around me as he supported me when I felt weak, strong and steady. It made me my heart swell.

But there could come no good from thinking of that- better think of something else.

I pulled out my new cellphone and started playing Angry Birds.

I had been infuriatingly stuck on level 14 for days!

0-0-0-0-0-0

That day we ended up staying in the hospital till twilight.

That's when his mother had come back, refreshed and prepared for the night.

When we stepped out of the building, it was that perfect moment where it's not day anymore and yet it isn't nighttime yet.

We'd had a breakthrough moment that afternoon, I thought.

I had given in and thought more about the earlier events and ended up doubting everything. Wondering if Will had believed Patrick when he had said I was liar, among other things.

But Will had assured me, that wasn't the case. He had also said some very kind things about me, which were a relief to hear.

And my heart had beat so fast when he had tried to fix my hair that I'd had to stop him. I had felt myself getting wrapped up in the moment, and the feeling of his hand on my hair… I'd had to break the contact before my heart beat its way out of my ribcage.

Didn't he know the kind of effect he had on me?

Of course, not.

On the other hand, he had told me what he thought about one of the subjects that were bothering me.

The thought had gotten into my head that I needed to tell him I was feeling attracted to him.

It wasn't professional of me and he might not want somebody who couldn't act that way, with him having a girlfriend and all the time that we spend with each other.

Though thinking about it now, that would have been a horrible idea.

When I asked him vaguely, he had said that sometimes sharing something private could be more harmful than good. And he'd had a point. If I told him how I felt, he would have no choice but to fire me, and while I didn't consider myself to be so amazing, he did always comment on how incompetent his secretaries have always been. And then he had complimented my work ethic so enthusiastically… perhaps he knew what I was referring to? Had he meant to encourage me to hold back and fight it?

At least, it meant he was being different with me, not letting me on like he had others. That thought made me smile.

In any case, I was a grown woman who had control over her own person. Regardless of how badly I might want to do… whatever, well, I could keep myself from doing so, like every other person in the planet did when faced with a similar scenario.

And I enjoyed his company so much… even if only as coworkers, or as friends. That was better than nothing.

Even as we sat in silence, as we drove on the familiar small streets of my home town, it felt organic and just nice.

I took a look to my right and observed his focused face on the road.

He turned to meet my eyes for a moment.

He looked unlike himself- tired and drained.

"Tell me something good" he said. I smiled at that, remembering all the times I said that to my dad. "What is it?" he asked at my seemingly uncalled for smile.

"If I tell, you might think I'm insane" I replied.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"I already think that so you might as well tell me" he said with a small smile.

I took a deep breath.

"I used to say that to my dad if I was sad or frightened or if I'd had a nightmare and he… used to sing me the Molahonkey song" I said trying to hold back a smile.

"I'm sorry, the what?" he asked turning away from the road.

"The Molahonkey song. You don't know it? Didn't your parents ever sing that to you when you were little?" I asked, surprised that he hadn't heard it. I thought everyone knew it.

"Trust me, Clark. I'm a Molahonkey virgin" he said lightly but I thought I heard a little something else in there. I had to remember his father was in the hospital and it wasn't a good idea to bring him up.

But he stayed looking at me, as if expecting something.

"What?" I asked, worried that he wasn't looking at the road much.

"Well, sing it" he said and took a long look ahead.

I felt my stomach constrict at the idea. Singing for Will?

But I wanted to share this with him.

I took a deep breath and began.

"I wi-li-lished I li-li-lived in Molahonkey la-la-land,

The la-la-land where I-li-li-li was bo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lorn,

So I-li-li could play-la-lay my o-lo-lold banjo-lo-lo,

My o-lo-lold ban-jo-lo-lo won't go-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo" I sang and stopped for breath.

"Jesus Christ" he said laughing.

"Wait, there's more!" I laughed back. "I too lo took it to the me-le-lendar's sh-lo-lop-lo,

See -lee-lee what they-le-ley could do-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo,

The sai-lai-laid to me-le-le, Your stri-li-lings are sho-lo-lot,

They're no-lo-lo more u-lu-luse to you-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-loo." I finished, laughing with him.

"You are insane. Your whole family is insane!" he said in-between laughter.

I was just too happy to hear him laugh so openly and sincerely to bother contradicting him.

Just then I heard the tires catch the gravel of his driveway as the headlights illuminated the front of the dark house.

And then it dawned on me, I was about to sleep alone in his home with him only a few doors down.

The thought felt wicked but satisfying at the same time and I had to stop my mind from imagining the possibilities of what my heart wanted to happen.

I had to remind myself those thoughts were wrong and could only lead to heartbreak and unemployment.

"Hm, we should have picked up some dinner" he said as we sat there in the dark.

"I can see if I can make something from what you have here" I offered.

"If there isn't anything that isn't too complicated to make, let me know and I'll run out to get something" he replied turning to look at me.

"As you say, boss" I said with a half-smile.

He looked to me shaking his head slowly but I could tell he was trying to hold back a smile.

And I was proud to be the reason for it.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

After we got inside, I went into the guest room I had been given to change out of the clothes I was wearing, before going down to the kitchen to see if I could make us something to eat.

That was when I saw it.

The moonlight was sneaking in through a thin line between the dark, heavy curtains on the window. And something called me out to see through it.

And there it was- Pembroke Castle- in all of its glory, standing there against the pale moonlight and the otherwise dark sky, as it had for the last eight hundred years.

How lucky did one family have to be to have that view from their home?

It took my breath away.

After staring in awe for a few more minutes, I realized Will must be waiting to show me around the kitchen.

I changed into fresh clothes and redid my braid before heading downstairs.

As I walked into the kitchen, I saw him standing in front of the freezer looking up and down.

"I've no idea what any of this is" he said as my steps gave me away.

"Move over, William Traynor, and let the pro work" I said as I approached the freezer and slightly bumped him over. "And turn some lights on in this place!" I said acting like some high end chef.

I saw him look at me apprehensively before going to turn the lights on but I pretended not to notice as I took in the meats in front of me.

As their maid/cook was probably the one buying the groceries and cooking, she probably didn't bother to label any of the meat that seemed to be from the butcher shop in town.

I took a closer look at some redder meat that had the appearance of being minced beef.

"What can I do?" he asked from some feet behind me.

My ear picked up the unusual words. Was he asking for orders from me? That was a strange twist.

"Can you look in the larder for potatoes?" I asked as I decided whether to risk the questionable meat.

"Are you going to boil them? How risqué of you, Clark" he said as he opened the larder doors.

"Believe me, you're going to want something familiar" I said chuckling as I took out the meat. "In case this mystery meat doesn't turn out to be beef…" I replied as I tried to think what seasoning could work better in case it turned out to be something else.

"You don't know? I thought you were a pro" he said as he pulled out a brown sac.

"You're welcome to try and decipher" I told him, as I turned around holding the plastic covering.

I saw him lift his chin and look me over in a way that suddenly made me question everything from the way I was standing to the top I was wearing and made my breath waver.

I saw him take one step towards me, then another, and then another coming closer with each and sending the hairs on the back of my neck up.

I parted my lips to let the breath I'd been holding out without betraying the fact that with him so close it was suddenly hard to breath.

"Let's see, here" he said taking it from my hand and observing it for a few seconds before setting it on the counter. "Looks like beef to me" he said then turned around to walk back to his potatoes.

"That's the problem, it looks like it, but I'm not sure. How will I season it properly if I don't know what kind of meat it is?" I asked more to myself than anything.

"Just add salt and pepper. You can't go wrong with those two, no matter what" he said opening a drawer.

"I thought you didn't know how to cook" I said turning to him, surprised at his insight.

"I never said that. You assumed" he said pointing a finger in my direction.

"Well, you didn't know any of the meats!" I defended myself.

"Neither did you" he replied with a small smile as he took out a potato peeler from the drawer.

"Fair enough" I said, admitting defeat. As we both took to our tasks, we fell into easy conversation. First, we talked of what needed to be done as soon as we got back to London, as he peeled the potatoes and I tried to defrost the chunk of minced meat on a pan.

Soon we were comfortably working around each other as he cut, then boiled the potatoes and I moved the mystery meat around the pan to help keep it from sticking to the bottom.

Then, as I could watch the potatoes boiling on the flame next to me, he looked for some vegetables that could be assorted into a salad.

It was delightful to occupy the same space with him as we performed such an unexceptional task as making a meal. For once, we weren't sitting in a crowded office floor breaking our heads, or at a work function, eating at some exotic place, working from a hotel room or flying somewhere. It was just he and I, cooking a simple supper in his childhood home, like two friends might or…

No, it didn't feel awkward or like I had to watch what I was doing because I was expected to do or behave a certain way.

Before we knew it, we were laughing as he told me the first time he tried to use this kitchen because he had refused to eat with his family once when he was fourteen-years-old.

"It served you right if you burnt the food and went to bed hungry!" I said wiping my eyes. "If you grew up in my family, sitting at the dinner table wasn't an option whether you were hungry or not" I shared as I passed the meat into two plates and began to carry them to the table in the next room.

"My mother knew I hated duck and she still made the maid make it at least twice a month! I'm sure it was a deliberate attempt to anger me" he said laughing some still as he poured some potatoes into the two plates before I had carried them all the way, then bringing the salad to the table.

He seemed so carefree and down-to-earth this evening- unlike anything I had ever seen from him. And it felt as if this was the true Will, the one he unfortunately didn't show often.

"Is this pork?" he asked looking up as he tasted the first bite.

"I think it is…" I answered tasting it as well. I had nearly forgotten that we'd never been able to confirm if it was minced beef or not.

"All the better. My father most likely won't be allowed to eat it if he comes home so it's a good thing we're getting it out of the way" he said as he looked at his plate. But there seemed to be a dark cloud that took over him suddenly.

He had been distracted enough by the task but he had been bound to remember what was going on a few miles away at the hospital and the real reason we were here.

My heart ached to see him suffering and I wanted to reach out and touch his hand but didn't want to overdo it.

It would be the third time I touched him that day and I didn't want to treat him too familiarly, in case he thought I was overstepping my boundaries.

"He's going to be alright, Will" I said, wanting to reach out to him even more as his hands dropped to the table and he paused completely.

"People say that but how do they really know?" he asked.

"I don't know for sure, but it does seem as if the worst is over. And if your dad takes care of himself, he could live for a long time" I said.

He took a deep breath.

"You're right. We've got to think positive" he said raising his head and smiling forcedly at me, then turning back to his food and taking one more bite. "This actually isn't half bad, Clark. You know, for a home-cooked meal" he added, a little more back to himself, as he quickly changed the subject.

"I always thought those were the best" I replied, thinking how he probably mostly ate away from his home in London. His girlfriend didn't look like the housewife type. And even when he was young and lived at home, it didn't seem like they ate a meal that was cooked by a mother or grandmother. There was just something about those that couldn't be rivaled by the best chef in all of London. "There's just something special about them" I added afterwards.

He looked at me with a confused look as he considered my words.

I looked down at my plate as I thought of how ready to see my family again I was. Sure, they could be loud and make everything cramped but being away for so long made me ache for their warmth and laughter as we fought over whose turn it was to wash up the dishes after dinner.

I picked up another piece of boiled potato and lifted it to my mouth when my eyes met his again.

Was he still looking at me?

But before I was sure what emotion was decorating his face, his Blackberry blared its overplayed ringtone.

He sighed loudly as he looked at the incoming call.

He hesitated to answer and, for one second I thought he would, but when the ring stopped he was already putting it back in his pocket.

He never ignored his mobile…

I tried to stop it but the butterflies in my stomach came alive violently and yelled at me how special it was for him to do that when he was having dinner with me.

But it just could have been someone he didn't want to talk to, right? More likely than the idea that he'd ignore his mobile for me.

That must be it, or that was what I told myself to keep from losing control of my feelings.

"How did your family manage to get to live so close to the castle?" I asked remembering how close it looked from my window.

"Uh, we own it" he said furrowing his eyebrows and taking a bite of the minced pork.

My mouth fell open and I dropped my knife.

"You own… a castle?" I asked dumbfounded.

"Actually, my father inherited it so, you know" he replied, downplaying something for the first time ever. Why was he doing that? He never missed an opportunity to brag.

"Were you allowed to go in it, whenever?" I asked like a little girl.

"Yes, did you ever visit it?" he asked me.

"Did I ever… ha! Every chance my dad would take me! Except, I'm sure you were allowed in the areas outside of the tour, weren't you?" I asked fascinated.

"I was… would you like to see it?" he asked me.

I sat up straight, surprised by the question.

"Of course! I always wanted to see more than they would let the visitors see" I said remembering the small, dark and crumbling hallways that were blocked off by safety tape.

"Let's go, then" he said, standing up.

"What, now? How will you get in?" I began to ask but I was already standing up.

"Trust me, the night guard knows me" he said with an almost wink as he began to walk to the door.

But then… I remembered the one time I did see the castle at night.

I stopped in my tracks.

He noticed I wasn't following and turned back.

"Clark, c'mon. I was young, and owning a castle impressed girls" he said, taking a look at me and realizing there was something he was missing. "Are you… scared?" he asked me as he interpreted my facial expression.

All I could manage was a nod.

"It's not haunted" he added.

"I know… it's just the maze inside…" I tried to explain without choking on my fear of returning there…

An image of the past flashed in front of my eyes and a small whimper forced itself out.

"We don't have to go" he said reaching for my upper arm.

"No, it's alright, I can do it" I said calming myself and standing straighter.

"Are you sure you want to?" he asked.

"This is my chance to see it all like I always wanted to. Of course, I want to" I said reigning in my fear. I had to remind myself it was all in the past. "Besides, you'll protect me, right?" I asked jokingly, trying to make light of my earlier reaction.

"Of course" he answered completely serious and, I knew he would.

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A/N: So what did you think? (:

You might recognize the 'tell me something good' conversation. It is changed from the book being that the dynamics of the relationship at this point are very far from what they were at the time in the book/movie when the original conversation took place.

Let me know your thoughts, and thank you for reading!