AN: This chapter has the most awkward citrus scene, ever. (The first smut I wrote!) And another, because I am trash. However, both of those scenes are more cute than smutty – this is our dear, socially awkward Kenshin, after all. :D
Warnings for soft-core sexual content, eg. kissing, petting, fingering
Chapter 24. Growing closer
The very next day, early in the morning, Kenshin and Tomoe left to find a temple. They were no pressing matters at the house and it was a lovely morning to travel. Besides, one of the advantages of living near the spiritual center of the country was that Kyoto and the surrounding areas had plenty of temples. True, Kenshin didn't exactly know where they could find a Buddhist temple, but he figured that if they kept walking, they would come across a sign, or someone to ask for advice.
In preparation, they packed up some food, water jugs, and a blanket to rest on, if need be. Well, the last one was his addition. Tomoe was a lady and though she was resilient, he didn't want to push her when there was no need.
When it came to his katana, he didn't dare take it with him. The situation being as strained as it was, the last thing they needed was for people to think him a samurai. It was bad enough that he couldn't quite keep the southern tang from his speech, signaling to everyone that he was from seditious Choshuu. However, he did take his wakizashi and rolled it into the blanket, available at a reasonably easy reach, should push come to shove. It wasn't that he was paranoid, but he just couldn't even consider travelling entirely unarmed.
Tomoe noted his inner battle with his weapons with quiet approval – she had never cared for fighting.
When it came to clothing, they both decided to wear their old kimono. His choice was born out of the need to appear as harmless as he could, and frayed clothing seemed a reasonable choice. For Tomoe, though, it couldn't be the same – she spent a good long while brushing her hair until it shone, then tying it up neatly and adding rouge to her lips. Clearly, she wanted to look her best today. Maybe the old white kimono had some special significance to her, then? He couldn't say. She looked pretty in any case.
The beginning of autumn was showing in the shortened days, the leaves yellowing in the trees. Yet it was still warm and pleasant to travel. The rains should be coming soon. They walked in comfortable silence. There was no need to chatter over meaningless things, they just enjoyed the moment and the beauty surrounding them.
Every now and then, Kenshin glanced at Tomoe out of the corner of his eye. Being so close to her, he couldn't help noticing that she wasn't that much taller than him. Sure, with her high wooden clogs, she had a couple inches on him, but without them, the difference couldn't be that much. Maybe an inch or so? He could have sworn she had been a lot taller earlier. Had he finally grown a bit and not noticed? Or maybe he finally felt comfortable enough to discount her shoes…
In any case, it was really nice walking with her.
This trip truly was a good idea, he decided. Though admittedly, he didn't have any particular interest in religion. He didn't know much about it nor had he ever had a reason to find out more. The only way the topic had popped up during training was because Master, too, had been Buddhist when it suited him – which was almost never. It had only shown through his occasional remarks and their few visits to the temple where 12th Master was buried.
The thing with religion, or so Kenshin had figured, was that only people who had the time for it got caught up in it. Mostly that meant the higher classes, or those who didn't have anything better to do with their time.
As it stood, he'd never felt that he belonged to any religion, not really. He knew that most peasants and lower classes were Shinto in faith. And while he didn't remember any religion from his childhood, he did believe in spirits. Does that make my faith Shinto, too? Kenshin mused. Well, not that it mattered. A blessing was a blessing from whatever god or priest who gave it, and it would be nice to have some sort of confirmation for their marriage.
It would give a bit more of an official feel to it.
Maybe then he could convince himself that this was real, that she was his wife, now and forever? Because every now and then… Kenshin sighed, glancing at her again. She was so beautiful, so calm and collected – a true lady. Maybe after today, he could believe he deserved a woman like her standing by his side.
A hollow ache rose in his chest at the thought. He loved her, almost too much, and the feeling was growing by the day, but she – well, there was this distance between them.
Her cool reserve, her calmness, her lack of expression… as much as he understood, oh god how well he understood the necessity for it, he also wanted to break down the wall around her heart piece by piece. He wanted her to smile and laugh, to feel good and safe in his company.
Just like she made him feel, the feeling growing each day in intensity.
Yet, there was this hesitation, this persistent and lingering fear that this was all make-believe, that none of the things he thought he saw in her dark eyes were real.
"What are you frowning about?" Tomoe tilted her head in curiosity.
Instantly, Kenshin looked away and reddened in shame. No, he couldn't doubt her! She had agreed to be married to him and that was it. "Nothing…"
"Are you sure?"
He couldn't voice these thoughts aloud; they would bring her nothing but pain and that was the last thing he wanted for her on a day like this. Hurriedly, he searched for something to distract her with.
Just ahead of them, two ki-presences were heading their way. Still avoiding her gaze, Kenshin exhaled and suggested softly, "There are people coming our way. Maybe we could ask if they know where to find a temple?"
Tomoe nodded slowly, accepting his words and the change in topic at face-value. Thoughtfully, she frowned, "How do you always know?"
"Errr…" Kenshin stammered. If he told her the truth, she would think him an unnatural freak for sure! But he didn't want to lie to her! Cringing inwardly, he searched for the safest words to explain it. "I, ah… it's a swordsmanship thing. I sense their life energy."
"…Life energy?" she said slowly, raising her brow.
"Um, yeah…"
However, the two women carrying baskets over their heads walked up the hill, and to his relief, spared him from continuing their suddenly awkward discussion.
It turned out that the two women did know of a Buddhist temple not too far away. It was called Enryaku-ji and it was quite famous. The locals were very proud of it.
The women thought it sweet that they wanted a blessing for their new marriage and were only too eager to point them in the right direction. "Just continue on for a couple miles and then take the road to the left… it will lead you to the temple stairs. It's quite a climb, but you will get there! Good luck!"
However, while it was nice to have their help and unquestioning approval of their plans, Kenshin had felt somewhat embarrassed by their inquiries. Tomoe had noticed it and without a further word handled the discussion with skill and grace. He was glad to have her by his side, he truly was. She had this quiet confidence and inner fortitude he admired endlessly.
How wonderful would it to be to be that calm, to not doubt and worry over every little thing? Kenshin wondered wistfully, watching Tomoe bid farewell to the local women.
They found the correct path not long after and like the women had said, it was quite unmistakable. The stairs lead up the slope of the thick mountain forest, and they were quite steep. So much so that not long after they began the climb, Tomoe started to have problems. Not from overexertion, but because her geta were not made for climbing.
After battling with his hesitations, Kenshin finally dared to offer his hand to steady her.
She glanced at him gracefully and took it.
He smiled. Maybe we are getting more used to each other?
Her grip was steady and firm, and he matched her pace easily, allowing her small pauses without question. Being so close to her, able to hear her small pants, to see the trickle of perspiration on her brow… it was utterly enchanting and set off butterflies in the pit of his stomach. Her skin was so smooth, almost silky.
How would wonderful would it be to touch her?
To share the touches that were expected of husbands and wives? Kenshin looked aside, his breath catching in his throat. The very thought of such intimacy felt intimidating: to be so close to someone, to be utterly bare, with nothing to hide behind…
He swallowed dryly.
Even with Tomoe, he wasn't sure he could.
Even now, even after having lived the whole summer with her… he still had trouble relaxing. Physical closeness felt especially difficult, and husbands and wives, they slept together.
Even here in Otsu, far away from the fighting and danger, sleeping posed difficulties for him. Only when he was calm enough could he attempt to sleep, and even then he needed his sword in his arms, another by his side, and something solid against his back. He needed to see the door, to watch all movements, to be sure there was nothing to threaten them. While these days he had managed to avoid the worst of his nightmares, he knew they were always lurking there, at the edge of his mind, waiting for him to become vulnerable.
To sleep lying down with Tomoe, touching her… It was impossible.
Kenshin glanced at her quietly, taking in the determined tilt of her chin, how her dark eyes were narrowed in concentration as she worked her way up the stairs. She was so beautiful, so wonderful… She deserved a husband that could give her everything.
Yes, no matter how long it would take, he decided. One day, he would be so comfortable in her presence that he would give her even that, would touch her like the woman she was.
They made it up to the mountain temple early in the afternoon. The trip had been a lot shorter than he had dared to estimate, just about ten miles. However, nearly half of that had been an uphill climb. The famous temple was very old and it stood amidst the spacious grounds. There weren't many visitors, no doubt because of the difficult way there, and the monks welcomed them without a second glance and agreed to give them a blessing for a small fee.
While he made the arrangements, Tomoe had done her best to freshen up and rearrange her clothing to hide the effects of travel.
The monk's blessing was different than he had expected… and it made him think. Even if he felt slightly ridiculous kneeling next to Tomoe, listening to a bald old man in an orange robe chant with a scratchy voice. He really hadn't ever partaken in a religious rite before.
"Do not deceive; do not despise each other anywhere. Do not be angry nor bear secret resentments…" the monk said solemnly.
Tomoe's eyes were closed, but somehow her face seemed sad? He ki had gained a cold tint to it, the way it always did whenever she was reminded of the past.
Kenshin frowned, thinking back to his own lies. He wasn't a samurai, no matter what clothes he wore nor swords he carried. Katsura-san had given him a name through deceit and admitting that wouldn't just hurt him, but also his leader. But that wasn't the end of his lies, was it? Just today, hadn't he been glad to avoid explaining ki to her, despite her wary curiosity? He had never even thought to speak of Kenta with anyone, either.
"…for as a mother will risk her life and watches over her child, so boundless be your love to all, so tender, kind and mild."
So really, wasn't he constantly deceiving her by withholding the truth?
The thought raised goosebumps on his skin, an uncomfortable feeling at the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to lie to her, he really didn't… but he didn't want her to look at him like he was a freak.
"Cherish good will right and left, early and late…."
Maybe he should be upfront with her and answer her questions clearly. But he had always hidden his ki usage because it made him seem even more unnatural than he already was. After all, no one ever seemed to understand it, not really. Not even Master.
"…and without hindrance, without stint, be free of hate and envy…"
But as the monk's chant continued, somehow, bit by bit, the uncomfortable feeling at the pit of his stomach lessened, the shameful doubts, the fears and hesitations giving way to understanding, and Kenshin began to see just why Tomoe had wanted to do this.
Quietly, he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
Her eyes were sad, her back ramrod straight as she sat with perfect posture, but her ki was warming up as she soaked up surety from the monk's calm words.
It felt good to see her find her will and resolve, her quiet confidence.
Maybe he could lean on her, whenever his fears became too much to bear?
"….while standing and walking and sitting down, whatever you have in mind, the rule of life that is always best is to be loving-kind." The monk finished his chant. In the echoing silence, he gave them a respectful bow.
It was over.
"Now," Tomoe whispered, turning to look at him softly, "Now we are married in my heart."
Kenshin gaped at her, utterly speechless...
The corner of her lips lifted a bit and she rose off her knees, offering her hand to him. "Let's return home, dear husband of mine."
His heart fluttered, and smiling, he took it.
The sun had set swiftly as they had descended down the stairs, and somewhere halfway down they had finally decided to make camp for the night. It wasn't exactly safe to climb down the steep stairs in darkness and they were in no particular hurry. For once, Kenshin's cautiousness came in handy, and he arranged the blanket for her to rest on and shared the dried food he had carried on his back. It had been nice to do something so familiar, because if there was one thing he knew by heart, it was camping.
He had kept watch through the night, leaning against a tree while she rested. It had felt good, to watch over her dreams. Tomoe, though, hadn't slept too well. It was perfectly understandable. While the weather had stayed warm throughout the night, the mosquitoes had bothered her some and the blanket was a far cry from her soft futon.
Despite the small hiccups, Kenshin considered the trip a success.
It seemed that Tomoe had gained whatever piece of mind she had been looking for, and he had found some certainty, some resolution of his own, too.
But coming home, the main issue with his farming experiment became apparent: after the seeds were planted, there wasn't much to do but wait. Sure, Kenshin was by the field every day, carrying water to the tiny seedlings wherever the ground felt too dry, plucking weeds whenever he spotted some, but it wasn't nearly enough work to quell his recurring bouts of restlessness.
And now that the autumn rains had started, peppering the roof heavily and driving them inside for the whole day…
It was hard to calm down.
Tomoe was once again brushing his hair, her strokes smooth and sure. It was comforting, but at the same time, he couldn't avoid feeling that he needed to do something, anything. It was crawling inside his bones, a persistent annoyance that no scratching could ever cure.
Right behind him, he heard her sigh and then her clothes rustled as she laid down the brush. Disappointment flaring in his gut, Kenshin started to straighten, only to feel a soft, wet touch at the side of his neck.
It sent a jolt of energy running down his spine and he gasped, turning around like a startled deer. What was that? He gaped at her, only to see her eyes far closer than he ever imagined seeing them as she leaned closer and kissed him on the corner of his mouth.
He froze.
Eyes wide as saucers, his heart thundered in his ribcage as the realization dawned. She is kissing me?
She pulled back a little, meeting his gaze hesitantly. "…I'm sorry."
Her lips were so close, so wet and inviting, and Kenshin stared, struggling to focus. She was frowning, shying away…
...Why is she frowning?
She shouldn't frown or hesitate! It didn't suit her! In a mad fit of courage, Kenshin reached upwards to kiss her in return.
It was an odd sensation, to feel her lips against his and he had no idea what he should do, but when her mouth parted and her hand rose to his cheek, it seemed entirely natural to lean in to explore. It was wet and messy… but it felt good.
Her fingers slipped into his hair to pull him closer. His hands mirrored hers, and it felt right.
Every now and then, he would pull back just enough to gulp for breath or she would do the same, but then they would dive back in, drinking each other's taste, inhaling the same breath, exploring each other's mouths, tongue, discovering how best to move their lips, how best to fit together, to get even closer. It was almost like they were melding into one another and it was amazing.
It felt so good that it turned the restlessness crawling inside his bones to liquid fire, warming him right down to his core worse than any hot bath ever could. His pulse was racing, his breath was growing deeper, sweat was starting to glisten on his skin… For the first time in his life, it felt like he was alive.
The moment was so overwhelming, so good that he couldn't think… just do.
Her arms had snaked their way around his torso, pulling him close and he did the same. The heat was rising, fogging everything and clothes? Why were they wearing clothes in this heat? She was so close to him, her lips were so wonderful and her eyes were so huge right there in front of him, magnificent as a starry sky, and her ki was warm. It was becoming almost unbearable, the fire flowing down his belly, and it ached, oh god, it ached… until it just burst.
Kenshin gasped, pulling away for a bit, trying desperately to catch his breath. What..? What was that?
Her eyes were almost disappointed as she tilted her head in question, wiping her chin with her sleeve. But there was a pretty blush coloring her cheeks and her lips were redder than any rouge could make them, red with life.
But, but… what had that been?
What happened?
Then he finally felt the wetness spreading in his lap, seeping into his kimono and he froze, mortification hitting him like a slap in the face.
"…What is it?" she asked, her tone full of concern.
He turned away, heat spreading down his cheeks to his neck. Oh no... No! This can't be happening…
Where was the nearest hole in the ground for him to hide in? No, he needed more than that – he needed to find the deepest pit on earth to crawl into and never return. Kenshin covered his face with his hands, shame and guilt flooding his veins. No, this can't be true. Not right now, not in front of her, no, no, no…
"Kenshin, talk to me. What is it?"
I can't do this, not now. Not ever! She would laugh at him, think him weird and freakish. This kind of thing only happened to young boys! "I gotta go." He shrugged out of her touch, and holding his kimono sleeves in front of his lap, dashed out of the door into the rain.
Maybe he should have thought through his actions further, because returning back inside, wearing his freshly washed clothing that were already soaked from the rain – it seemed an impossible task. What must she think of him, after he had run away from her like that? With absolutely no explanation?
He ki was inside the house, steady and lukewarm. He could see a light shining through the window screen. She was most likely writing in her diary.
But how could he go back in now… when he had never felt so embarrassed in his life?
She had been so beautiful, with that flush on her face, and it had felt amazing to kiss her. He hadn't even hesitated! It had been so perfect… before that.
Kenshin sighed and shuffled his feet.
No matter how tempting, he couldn't stay out here either. He was already shivering from the cool rain and if he stayed out any longer, he would surely catch a cold and that would inconvenience her like nothing before. Did he really want to force her to look after him, having gotten sick from his own stupidity?
Gritting his teeth, he shook his head, and steeling his resolve, stepped inside.
Tomoe glanced up from her diary, but didn't rise to meet him. Worse, her eyes matched her ki; they were cool and hurt.
I really messed up – badly. Kenshin swallowed. But, what could he say to her?
Even after all this, he didn't know. So finally, he headed to the clothing chest in the corner and dug up towels and a change of clothing. Without looking back, he undressed and dried off hastily, before pulling on his spare yukata.
The faint scribbling sound recommenced behind him. She had started writing again…. Is she going to let the matter drop?
Somehow, that made him feel like even more of a failure.
She wasn't even going to ask, even though his actions had hurt her feelings.
"I'm sorry for leaving like that," Kenshin finally managed to whisper, staring at his feet and feeling utterly miserable.
Her tone was calm, but almost cold as she murmured, "Thank you for your apology."
He cringed.
While she had accepted his apology, that wasn't exactly a good sign. He wasn't good at this sort of thing, he truly wasn't. But what could he do? Kenshin glanced at her. She had been so perfect, while he had shown her exactly how much of a fuck up he really was, but…
Hesitantly, he made his way to her and sat by her side, just a step away from her. She stopped writing, but didn't turn around.
That was okay.
It was almost better this way. He knew she would listen, but he didn't need to face her. Closing his eyes, Kenshin took a deep breath and then, tried to find the words, "I… I, ah… you were wonderful. That kissing, it was like the best thing that has ever happened to me, it felt so good, but... but…"
She turned to look over her shoulder. "But…?"
"I, ah – I don't know why, but I just… came."
"Oh…"
"That shouldn't happen to a grown man. Not so fast or sudden like that, I think, but…" Kenshin looked aside awkwardly, feeling shame churning in his stomach.
A small coughing sound erupted from her and he looked up, his eyes widening in mortified disbelief. She was covering her mouth with her hands, her coughing sounds strengthening enough to turn into giggles.
...She is giggling?
At this?
Kenshin gaped, utterly floored. Sure, usually he delighted in her happiness, in every bit of laughter or hint of a smile he could draw out of her. They were so rare, like a shooting star, vanishing just as fast and all the more precious for it, but this, this was… If he had thought he felt embarrassed before, it was nothing compared to this feeling. It was like someone was squeezing the breath out of him and crushing whatever little self-confidence he had left.
He couldn't say if he made a sound, but suddenly she stopped and looked at him with wide eyes, her lips parted in stunned realization.
"Oh, Kenshin… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She blushed and raised her hand to his left cheek, tilting his face so that she could see his eyes. "Kenshin, it's all right. There isn't anything wrong with it. I was hurt because I didn't know why you left. I thought…"
Her soft tone, and quiet words calmed something in him, just enough that he felt like he could breathe again.
"I thought that you didn't like it, or that I had done something wrong, hurt you in some way." She paused, her eyes full of hesitation. "Or perhaps, I was touching you when you didn't want me to and you couldn't stand it anymore, because I know you don't like anyone touching you and you do your best to keep people at a distance…"
…Huh? Kenshin blinked. She was worried about hurting me? "No… I, ah – well, you didn't do anything wrong."
They stared at each other in silence.
After a moment, she finally exhaled in relief, "Thank goodness." She sagged slightly and let her hand drop from his cheek. However, before he could think of anything to say, she raised her gaze and tilted her head, like she was considering something. "Then, maybe next time we should take it a bit slower?"
"Next time?!" Kenshin squeaked. There is going to be one?
"Well… yes," she stammered, blushing slightly. "It's what married people do, right?"
Somehow his lingering fears started to fade after that. It seemed that no matter how much of a failure he was or what mistakes he made, she still wanted him.
It made him feel better about himself, truly.
What was even better was that for the next few evenings, they had dared to explore each other a bit more with simple touching and kissing, and it had been really nice.
However, the last time that Tomoe had gone to the village, she had mentioned that the talk about them – and more specifically, him – was getting something of a nasty tint. After all, a young man, staying on his farm, doing nothing, didn't exactly invite pleasant talk. The solution to the dilemma was obvious, of course. They needed to start selling the medicines Iizuka-san had brought them a few weeks ago.
A little bit reluctantly, Kenshin finally opened the medicine chest and rummaged through it, trying to make sense of the parcels and boxes filled with different herbs. He couldn't even consider selling medicine he knew nothing about. Thankfully, on the back of each package there were written descriptions, detailing its purpose and what would be an appropriate price for it. It seemed that the chest was put together knowing that the recipient didn't have the slightest clue of how to go about the apothecary business.
The problem was that he wasn't at all familiar with over half the letters in the advice. He knew how to read, yes… but only the most common letters. While Master had enjoyed writing, after Kenshin had learned enough to get by, the lessons had winded to a halt. It had been perfectly fine – after all, swordsmanship had been far more important.
It was somewhat embarrassing to confess this to Tomoe and ask for her help – and like he feared, it made it really obvious that he was no samurai. So finally, after a bit of consideration, Kenshin told her about Katsura-san's deception, too.
"I had wondered," Tomoe said after a small pause. "It's just, there are these curious gaps in your manner, like you know something, but occasionally you become uncertain and follow other people's leads."
Well, it was true enough. She really was a perceptive woman.
It was no surprise that she was perfectly capable of reading everything on the packages, and so they studied the medicines together.
Not long after that, they began to visit the village and the nearby houses to sell the medicines.
It was a relief to have her by his side, truly. Whenever he would hesitate, he could glance at her for subtle advice and draw strength from her quiet confidence. After the sales, they would discuss what could have gone better. And while it wasn't exactly easy for him, he had always been a fast learner. So mainly, the biggest difficulties were approaching strangers, because after he got to know people, he could relax a bit and focus on sales.
What was somewhat of a surprise to Kenshin was that their house was not nearly as secluded as he had thought. They had quite a few neighbors within a couple miles' radius and most of them had children.
Whenever they would see a brood of little ones playing in the yard, Tomoe would stop to stare at them sadly.
It was curious enough that eventually he asked about it. She told him quietly that she enjoyed children's enthusiasm and their ability to find joy in simple things. He didn't know what to say to that. He hadn't spent time with children in ages, not since he had been their age, to be perfectly honest. But watching the kids play, they seemed to act like she said, happy and enthusiastic. Innocent, in a way.
Maybe, if she enjoyed looking after children… something could be done? The kids didn't seem to have anyone but their siblings to watch over them, so perhaps their parents wouldn't be opposed to a trusted lady watching over their play? Maybe it would be possible to have kids from all over the neighborhood to come over and play together?
It was a thought. Kenshin didn't have the slightest idea of how to make it happen, but it was something to remember.
In any case, he was starting to get used to the new job and had even taken to visiting the village with Tomoe on her shopping trips. It was nice to travel with her and he delighted in helping her, if in no other manner than carrying her purchases – or buying her gifts. Just yesterday, he had seen a nice handheld mirror and bargained for it fervently, because it would be just perfect for her. She was so very refined and seeing her own reflection would make it easier for her to arrange her hair and put rouge on her lips.
She had blushed prettily when he had given it to her, which had made it well worth the expense. He loved making her happy. She deserved all the happiness he could ever give to her.
Though as nice as it was to accompany her, the villagers still stared at them and whispered behind their hands whenever they visited. But their glances didn't seem quite as wary anymore. It was like the people were finally coming to realize that while he was somewhat odd-looking, he wasn't dangerous and that he had a proper profession. That all in all: "The Himuras are quiet, but they are honest, hardworking people."
It had felt good, to hear that. In the eyes of everyone around them they were a married couple.
So they settled into a nice, comfortable routine – weekly sales trip to sell medicines, housework, looking after their field and spending time together. With the constant rains and all, it had become natural to spend the time by touching, kissing and exploring each other.
The fire was crackling merrily in the fire pit, bathing the whole house in soft light, and they had settled on Tomoe's bed, sitting side by side, just kissing. It wasn't the sloppy and messy sort of hungry kisses of their first time, but a calm, relaxed closeness. Feeling each other's lips and sharing each other's warmth, finding enjoyment in simple touch.
There was heat pooling in his veins, but it wasn't overflowing – merely a steady desire.
Tomoe had a slight flush on her skin and her eyes were half-lidded, her gaze soft. However, when they parted once again to draw breath, she placed her hand to his chest to keep him still.
He blinked in surprise, but didn't panic. She had done this before and it wasn't a rejection or protest, just a silent request for a break. They had gotten better at giving these signals to each other, not engaging in such gross misunderstandings as in the very beginning.
Then she slipped her hands behind her back, to untie her obi… and he couldn't help but tense up. Before he could voice his protest, she glanced up at him and pressed a finger to his lips. "Please, I want to try something… just tell me if it's too much."
Kenshin bit his lip, nervousness stirring.
Still, despite his wariness, he was a bit curious. Nudity wasn't an issue in itself – they lived together, and while it was polite not to look when the other was changing clothing or bathing, they had seen flashes of each other. It was unavoidable, really.
Yet until now, it had been an unspoken rule to keep their clothes on while kissing. He desperately hoped that she wasn't expecting them to... do that. The thing that all men talked about after their visits to brothels. He just didn't think he could, and he didn't want to embarrass himself again by failing miserably. Even now, it felt like every little thing she did could rouse the liquid fire in his veins, and it would pool downwards uncontrollably and burst at the most inopportune moment without his say so. It made a horrible mess and ended things too early, every single time.
She folded her obi nicely and set it aside, then rose to her feet, letting her kimono fall off her shoulders. Her breast were bare, and the only thing she was wearing was her underskirt.
Kenshin swallowed and looked to the side, not entirely sure whether it was okay to watch. He heard her fold her kimono as well. Then she knelt next to him and whispered gently in his ear, "You can look."
Her eyes were hooded and her arm drawn across her chest was the only thing covering her milky white breasts… she was beautiful.
"Uh…" he mumbled dazedly, his pulse picking up speed as his mind blanked on anything even remotely appropriate to say. "Um…"
There was a little spark of mischief in her eyes and she leaned forward, boldly taking his hand and guiding it to her breast.
He hesitated.
….Um, well, if she wants it?
Tentatively he trailed the tips of his fingers on her skin. The sensation was impossible to describe, it wasn't like anything he had ever felt – her full breasts were so soft, round, almost bouncy. They would fit perfectly in his hands.
Her cheeks were flushed and a tiny gasp escaped her lips as his fingers found her nipple. He tensed slightly, ready to stop but as he glanced up, her gaze was inviting and her ki felt as warm as a summer day.
Does that mean she likes this?
There was a growing curiosity stirring inside him, and he moved to the other breast, leaning closer. He glanced up at her once between his lashes hoping for some sign… yet she didn't say a thing, merely waited, ready and willing, allowing him the freedom to explore.
Slowly he licked her nipple.
She gasped, demanding boldly, "Do that again."
Given such a clear prompt, he did so – and she rewarded him with another gasp. She truly seemed to like it and he grew bolder, daring to suckle on her breast, and she moaned.
It spurred him further, this insane boldness growing inside him, born out of his pride in pleasing her so obviously. He moved back to the left breast, carefully fondling her right one with his hand.
She was so sensitive, that even the slightest of his touches could draw sounds he hadn't even heard from her, sweet noises that he couldn't get enough of.
It was becoming a really, really nice game to figure out all the ways to make her gasp and moan. He wanted to please her, wanted to see to her enjoyment, and this, this right here was an amazing way to make it happen.
A sheen of sweat had formed on her skin, the flush of her cheeks had spread downwards to her neck, almost to her chest. Maybe she too could feel the liquid fire that plagued him during their intimate moments? Before, on the evenings they had spent kissing and touching, she had been so calm and collected, and though she had obviously liked it, she hadn't had this sort of a reaction.
Could he find a way to make the liquid fire erupt in her? What form would it take? He was curious. He knew women were different, but it would be unfair if they couldn't feel similar things during these moments as men did…
"Kenshin, wait – wait a moment," she gasped breathlessly.
Pulled out of his thoughts, he looked up, a bit disappointed, if he was perfectly honest. He would have liked to continue, to try to figure it out…
Yet, whatever she wanted, he would give her. Sighing softly, he straightened, taking time to study her. She looked amazing: flushed red with life, sweating and breathing deeply, trying to catch her breath.
A warmth was spreading in his chest that was more than just desire, more than just satisfaction, no, this feeling couldn't be anything less than what people called love. This was a woman he loved, his wife – and he had brought out these feelings in her.
He smiled in pride.
He wanted to do it again, to figure out a way to bring her over the edge… but how? That was the question. He frowned slightly, tilting his head.
Her breasts were his new favorite, he decided, right after her expressive and beautiful dark eyes. Her nipples stood tall in the cool air, perky and reddened from his ministrations, glistening with his saliva.
It was a really nice sight.
Her breathing was steadying, he noted hesitantly. Would she want to retire for the night already? It was getting quite late, but… it would have been nice to play a bit longer, that's all.
These new discoveries were wonderful, and playing with her breasts, he didn't have to worry about the liquid fire erupting in him, but instead, he could make her feel really good. It was the best thing ever. He could get happiness and satisfaction just by pleasing her and there was nothing for him to embarrass himself with.
Cloth rustled by his side and he glanced at her. She was inching closer to him…. Ah, back to kissing? Well, I can do that, too.
Like she often did, she slipped her hand into his hair, but instead of pulling him closer, she leaned backwards slowly, determinately, leading him onto the bed with her. He tensed, eyeing the bed with suspicion. But touching her breasts had been really nice, so maybe she just wanted to lie down, before allowing him to play some more?
Settling on his side, he tried his best to calm down, to allow her this whim.
Her eyes seemed hesitant as she stared at him, before she took ahold of his hand and guided it to her stomach... no, lower? She slipped their hands under the waistband of her underskirt, right between her legs.
His breath hitched. He wasn't at all sure about this, but…
Then he felt the wetness.
There was a slippery wetness between her legs, and it was all over the soft folds of skin, just below the curls of hair. His eyes widened at the realization. She had already come? No, she would have told him if that was the case. And while she had been enjoying herself, it hadn't seemed anywhere close to the overpowering feeling he felt when the liquid fire erupted. Maybe women were just different?
Frowning, he met her eyes, noting the hint of anticipation in her gaze and then, her nimble fingers took hold of his forefinger and… oh, so that's her center? The women's cavern – every man he had ever heard talk dirty agreed that slipping inside it was the best feeling in the world.
"Careful…" she whispered into his ear. "It's really sensitive there."
Kenshin nodded in understanding. Seeing how licking and suckling at her breast had made her moan, this had to be far more tender spot. Carefully, he tried to move his finger inside the wet, slippery heat. He could easily imagine just how good it would feel against his most sensitive skin… but all it took was the tiniest touch to make him come, he knew. So how could he ever endure this tight, wet warmth? Besides, it wasn't like he would ever dare suggest such a thing to her.
Pushing his finger in and out tentatively, he frowned in thought. While this felt nice, it wasn't making her gasp or moan like before. There just wasn't much he could do like this, all he could do was to move in or out, or…
He curled his finger inside her, testing an idea and she gasped.
Huh. So it is good, or…?
Again, he curled his finger upwards, stroking her more determinedly this time and she moaned low, an earthy sound that set off the butterflies inside his stomach. So there was a difference. Hmm, it was something to think on, but still, it wasn't like it was all that difficult to stroke her, and her breasts were just there, bare and inviting.
He glanced at her, a question in his eyes.
She was watching him, her gaze half-lidded with excitement, her cheeks flushed prettily.
Maybe she won't mind? She didn't mind it earlier…
So boldly, he leaned forward and licked her nipple, enjoying the surprised gasp it tore from her. Suckling daringly, he prompted another moan. Yes, that was better – he grinned in satisfaction. Keeping his finger moving, pumping her core steadily, stroking her gently, he returned to suckling her nipples.
She fell onto her back, staring at the ceiling as she bared her throat, gasping for air. Her moans filled the silence of the cottage as he continued to tease her, her fingers curling tight on the bedding, seeking something to hang on to. The sweat on her skin was rising, the flush spreading nicely, and the noises she made were like music to his ears.
And when he dared to slip another finger into her hole?
Her moaning became a steady constant and she started to writhe, tensing up and then, the sweetest sound ever rose from her lips, this low and almost breathless whisper, "Nhh… Kenshiin…"
Her cavern pulsed around his fingers, wetness flooding from her center, and like a puppet with its string cut, she fell onto her back, unwound, as the tension fled her body.
So that's what it looks like for her… Kenshin grinned happily, and drew his hand away from her center and dried his fingers on his wide sleeves. He sat up gingerly, mindful of the constant, aching pressure in his loins. The heat was there, ready to flare up, but it was nothing compared to this feeling of achievement – he had managed to make her come. It roused a pride in him, a steady certainty that he had done well, managing to please her so completely, so utterly, just like a proper husband should please his wife.
Laying there, spent, she looked really, really lovely. He smiled, "I love seeing you like this… you are beautiful."
A small gasping laughter rose from her lips and she opened her eyes, reaching for his hand.
There was no words to describe how good it felt.
The heavy rainfall confined them to the house pretty effectively. Not that it was a bad thing, especially now that he had a new fascination to explore. It felt like he couldn't get enough of it, really. He just loved watching her come. It had gotten so that he wanted to pleasure her every day, and she was kind enough to accommodate his enthusiasm.
She really was a wonderful woman.
However, as nice as it was to spend those days together, there were also problems. The constant rain and the nights growing colder were terrible for their field. It was just too wet, and each day when Kenshin went to check on their vegetables, he saw them growing worse and worse. Many were suffering, their leaves browning or wilting and curling downwards.
The worst of it was that he didn't have the faintest idea how to fix it. The best he could do was to dig ditches in the field to drain most of the excess water, but when the rains continued, it just didn't help enough.
It was disappointing.
No matter their best attempts, it truly started to seem like the field was a lost endeavor. Even Tomoe agreed with him as they morosely followed the situation.
Yet, he wasn't ready to give up yet. He had known it would be an uphill battle, this late in the season, and they didn't necessarily need it to work, but… it was their field and they had worked hard to make it this far. Maybe if rains would let up, the plants could still recover? It was nearly the tenth month, nearly winter already – the worst of the humidity should be be over soon, this high in the uplands.
It was one perfectly ordinary afternoon when Kenshin was yet again trying his best to drain away the water from the fields, when he felt a new presence approaching them. It was so small, barely noticeable… the only reason why he paid any attention to it was because of how fast it was approaching and how panicky it felt.
It was a child, Kenshin realized, watching a small form running on the road in their direction.
"Tomoe! Someone is coming!" he called out, standing up in alarm. A child running like that, feeling so afraid? It couldn't be anything good. Closing his eyes, he focused, trying to feel… no, there was no other presences near them. No one was chasing the child. No animals were following them, either.
Yet, the child was running as fast as their tiny legs allowed, and yes, they were coming this way.
What on earth?
Now that they were getting closer, he saw it was a little girl – and she seemed familiar. His eyes widened in recognition. The girl was one of the neighbor's kids, little Aimi-chan who lived just few miles away from their house.
"Kenshin-san! Kenshin-san! You need to come quick!" the girl shouted at him, swerving to a halt right before him, her eyes wide with panic.
"What is it?" he asked worriedly, stepping closer but not sure how to comfort her.
She was holding her stomach, gasping desperately for breath. She had clearly run as fast as she could the whole way here.
The girl hiccuped, tear tracks running down her cheeks.
However, before he could do decide what to do, Tomoe walked over to them, kneeling right in front of the girl. Had she had heard his call? Or had she, too, seen the girl run to them? In either case, she hadn't wasted a moment rushing over. She hadn't even ditched the apron she wore while doing homework, nor taken off the scarf she never wore publicly.
"Calm down," Tomoe said to girl gently, in her calm, collected tone as she stroked her shoulder comfortingly. "What happened?"
The girl's panicky frenzy was winding down and she gulped for breath, raising her gaze to look at Tomoe, before turning to stare him, her eyes desperate. "Papa and brothers are sick."
It took just that last word for Kenshin to blanch, his mind flashing to a time years ago when he had been a little boy… running to the doctor to beg for help just like this girl. His stomach lurched with dread, and all of a sudden he felt like throwing up. He wasn't a doctor! He didn't know anything about illnesses! What could he do, what could he say?
The girl sidestepped Tomoe and took a hold of his sleeve, just like he had grabbed Master's sleeve once upon a time, and looked up at him, her huge eyes pleading, her tears flowing freely, "Please, Kenshin-san! You sell medicine, so you gotta have medicine to help them! Mama didn't want me to come, but papa and my brothers are really sick. I don't want to lose them! Please, Kenshin-san! You gotta come…"
It wasn't a question of his willingness to help, but what could he do for them? His heart was beating wildly in his chest, and a cold sweat had risen on his back, the tiny hairs at the back of his neck standing up…
Tomoe glanced at him, before she reached out to cradle the girl's cheek, turning the girl's face to whisper to her gently, "Shhh, shhh… we will come and help with what we can, little one. Of course we will."
We will? Kenshin stared at her blankly. Well, yes... At the very least they could give them the herbs they had in the medicine chest. And if it was a question of money, they would do so for free. After all, it wasn't like their medicine stock had anything to do with their livelihood, but the rest…
...How could I watch someone die of sickness, again?
The girl was calming down bit by bit as Tomoe whispered to her comfortingly, her voice low and gentle. The tone was enough that he, too, finally managed to break past his rising panic and draw a good, deep breath. Closing his eyes, he drew another breath and exhaled slowly.
Yes, we will help.
Swallowing dryly, he clenched his hands into fists and gathered his resolve. Now was not the time for panicking, for remembering old terrors. He wasn't a tiny child who had seen his family die from cholera before his very eyes, but a man in his own right. Yes, for these people, he was the medicine seller and he better act like it.
He nodded at Tomoe and headed inside to gather the medicine chest.
Betaed by Animaniacal-laughter in 01.04.2016.