School slowed my roll. But this one's super long to make up for it! Seriously, my longest yet. All places and events mentioned are real.

Also, why did no one tell me "grief" was spelled "greif" in the summary before now? :P I just noticed it...

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, ABC, or any of it's affiliates.

Enjoy!

Day 46: When Beckett awoke the next morning, Castle was gone.

She stretched in the spacious bed and then sat up, got out from underneath the crisp, white sheets, and pulled her knees to her chest.

It didn't take long before the previous night's events came flooding back to her. Had it really been her that had come in here last night, dropped her guard, and told him how she felt? Had it really been her who addressed the question of what had been building between them for four years? And had she really done it first? It didn't seem real.

But it was real. She realized that as she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen where Castle stood at the stove, making breakfast and whistling a happy little tune.

Beckett smiled. Castle loved breakfast.

Her Castle loved breakfast.

Castle turned from the stove upon hearing her footsteps and smiled, "Hey, you."

Beckett shot him an easy smile, and for a moment couldn't remember why that simple act had been so hard before. She took a seat in one of the stools on one side of the countertop. "Hey yourself, handsome," came out of Beckett's mouth, and then she felt herself flush. Did she really just say that?

An amused smile played on Castle's mouth, one eyebrow quirked toward the sky. "Someone's flirty this morning," he observed, sitting a cup of coffee down in front of her.

"I'm just in a good mood, I guess," she muttered, sipping her coffee greedily, attempting to save face.

Castle chuckled, shook his head, and went back to his cooking.

Then Beckett realized her answer hadn't just been an excuse for her uncharacteristic quip. It was the truth. She was in a good mood – the best one she'd been in in a while. But why? What had changed other than her relationship status?

Maybe, just maybe, she was starting to finally move on.

It seemed the past two weeks had found her hurtling towards a finish line she never thought she'd reach. It started with realizing her mother wouldn't want another ten years of sadness, moved to trying another PTSD treatment (which was working), progressed to her saying goodbye, and now, found her in a relationship with one Richard Castle.

Beckett felt blinded, dumbfounded, but…exhilarated.

Each day she felt stronger, better, happier. Each day she felt the woman who wanted to kill herself slipping away. Each day it got a little easier to stuff the voice that said, "You're making a mistake" in a box, and live.

But when you've based your life around something, who do you become when it's gone?

After Beckett stripped away her mother's case, her father's alcoholism, her job, all the death she'd seen, and all her issues and inhibitions – after every layer of the proverbial Beckett onion had been peeled away – she wasn't sure what she was left with. She wasn't sure what to call this self that she had been hiding at her core.

She wasn't sure she would ever know…but she knew what that self liked. It liked sitting in comfortable silence in Castle's kitchen in the Hamptons on a clear Saturday morning in July. It liked listening to the soft harmony of seagulls calling, the sound of the ocean, and Castle whistling as she sipped her coffee. It liked being cooked breakfast by the man she loved.

It liked the unbearable lightness bubbling up inside her, fighting away the dark.

Could she stay like this? Could this be what life was supposed to be like? Enjoying the bright, and not feeling guilty about it? Being surrounded by people you love, because they love you too? It sounded like a fantasy. But she liked it.

"So," Castle began, sitting a plate in front of her and leaning on the other side of the countertop. "What do you want to do today?"

Beckett thought for a moment. They could do anything. They had all the time in the world. "I don't know," she said after a moment. "What is there to do?"

Castle grinned. "Oh, I was so hoping you'd ask," he said, whipping out his phone. "I just bought this new app that has a calendar of things to do on a weekend in the Hamptons. Let's see here…Saturday, July 23rd, 2011..." he flicked his finger over the screen of his iPhone. "We could adopt a pony, we could do Bhakti yoga," he made a face. "We could attend 'an evening of literary delectables to benefit the Pushcart Prize Fellowships'…I wonder if Naked Heat is in that…"

"You consider Nikki Heat as literature?" Beckett raised an eyebrow.

Castle blinked a few times. "Well, yes…"

Beckett laughed. "Hate to break it to you, but your books are not 'literature'," she hooked air quotes around the word. "Much less literature worth performing."

Castle put a hand to his heart, and did his best to look serious. "You wound me."

Beckett smiled, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. "Any serious offers?"

"There's a Hamptons Polo After Party," he informed her, waggling an eyebrow.

"I don't think so," Beckett said, amusement obvious in her voice.

"We could eat breakfast with the Princess. Look, its even happening at the Castle at Westhampton. It's like fate."

Beckett fixed him with a look.

"Alexis would have said yes, that's all I'm saying," he mumbled, going back to his phone. "As far as serious offers go, it looks like there are several art galleries having showings tonight, there's a ballroom dance class, and there's a wine tasting at the Montauk lighthouse."

"Hmm…" Beckett thought for a moment. "That last one might be fun."

"Your wish is my command, milady," Castle said, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He paused. "But wait, you probably only packed really casual stuff, right?"

Beckett shrugged. "Yeah, so?"

"So…do you have anything wine tasting-y?" Castle asked.

Beckett shook her head. "I know where you're going with this, Rick. You're not buying me anything."

He held up his hands. "I'm just saying, if you needed something to wear, I would be more than happy to get you something. We both know I know what looks good on you…"

She had to give him that. She had loved that red dress. "But this is different. I think you'd be surprised at what I can come up with with what's in my bag."

"Fine, fine," Castle grabbed his plate and sat down next to her. He took a bite, and then said, "Although, if we're going to be together, you had better get used to that."

"Used to you buying me clothing?" Beckett raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yes, but not just that," Castle explained. "I fully intend to pamper you."

Beckett shook her head and took a bite of her breakfast as well. But for the first time in her adult life, being pampered didn't sound so bad.

Castle was in awe.

Attending the wine tasting with Beckett was – to put it lightly – nothing like he had expecting. He had anticipated the return of the beautiful, but terribly awkward, out of place, and almost shy girl that had accompanied him three years ago to the MADT gala. But now…

Beckett had somehow been able to come up with an outfit that was not only suitable for a wine tasting, but very Hamptons-esque as well. Instead of standing off to the side and looking like she wanted to be anywhere else, she moved easily between people, making new friends and meeting people he knew from spending summers there, a glass of wine resting lightly in her hand. She mingled; laughed at all the right times, said every right thing, and disarmed everyone she spoke to with her perfect smile.

She was a pro.

In fact, if he hadn't known better, he would have said that she had spent every summer of her upbringing amongst the amalgam of hydrangeas and BMW's that was the Hamptons. He knew full well that that wasn't the case. However…

"You're too good at this," he told her as they stood off to the side.

Beckett looked at him. "Excuse me?"

"You're too good at this, you have definitely done this before," Castle told her, a million questions on his face.

Beckett laughed. "I attended a few benefits with my mom," she told him, a small smile on her face. "Lawyers just love them. My mom told me it makes them look more humanitarian." She took a sip, and surveyed the crowd.

Castle was about to say something when a confused voice interrupted him.

"Beckett?"

The duo turned to find Ryan standing hand-in-hand with Jenny, looking perplexed.

"Ryan, hey," Beckett greeted a wide smile growing across her face. "What are you doing here?"

"Ah, Jenny's family has a vineyard, and they pitch their wine here every summer," he informed them.

Jenny nodded beside him to confirm.

Ryan's eyebrows furrowed deeper in confusion. "Although, I suppose I could ask you two the same thing."

Castle and Beckett exchanged a glance. How were they to explain?

"We just…needed to get out of Manhattan for a while," Beckett told him. "It can be hard to do anything with a clear head in that city," she added in a softer voice.

Ryan nodded, sympathy on his face. "It's a crazy place, that's for sure."

Castle glanced at Beckett, and then directed his attention toward Jenny. "You know, you should introduce me to your folks, I've been out here quite a few times, so I might just know them."

Jenny smiled. "Yeah, sure. Kevin, I'll be right back, okay?"

Ryan smiled at her. "Of course, baby, take your time," he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

They watched Castle and Jenny make their way across the grass to a small booth with purple balloons. They stood in silence for a moment, causally sipping the sample in their respective glasses.

"So…how's your summer been?" Beckett asked after a minute.

"It's been good," Ryan nodded. "Busy. It's like everybody from the Upper West Side down to Chelsea went nuts when it got hot."

Now it was Beckett's turn to furrow her eyebrows. "Why are you working calls in Chelsea?"

"Midtown went especially crazy," Ryan said with what was almost a grimace. "It's on our side, so they send us down there from time to time." He shrugged.

Beckett nodded. There had been one summer before that she had worked similar to what he was describing. It was, essentially, torture. "How's Espo?"

"He's good," Ryan nodded quickly. "Still with Lanie. Not so happy about not being able to take his vacation days right now. I have to drive back early tomorrow morning to be back in time for my shift."

"Summers are always the worst," Beckett said knowingly.

"Yeah," Ryan laughed without humor. "Tell me about it."

They lapsed into another moment of silence.

"You know, it's funny, usually you spend your summers without Castle and with us. I'm not used to it being the other way around," Ryan said lightly.

Beckett frowned. He was right. She had been neglecting them this summer.

Ryan took in the expression on her face, and opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Not, not that that's a bad thing! I just mean, well, you know, you're with him, and not us. I'm sorry, I say stupid things when Javi isn't around to slap me to shut me up."

Beckett laughed and shook her head. "It's okay, Ryan, don't beat yourself up. I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"How I probably should have checked in with you guys," Beckett said sheepishly.

Ryan smiled slightly. "Well, you know, we wouldn't have minded a phone call."

Beckett nodded slowly and fidgeted with the stem of her glass. "It's just…after the shooting I didn't even want to think about the twelfth. I didn't want you guys to pity me, or think you had to take care of me." She shrugged. "Sorry."

"We figured," Ryan said kindly. "Still, didn't stop us from worrying. Even when we called Castle he didn't tell us anything…"

She looked at him. "You called Castle?"

"Yeah," Ryan said. "He just said something about it being your business, that you were safe, and that you would call when you were ready."

Beckett couldn't help but smile. "He was trying to help."

"Which, once again, is why we didn't go out of our way. We figured you guys were…handling it," Ryan told her. "We were pretty worried though."

"Things got bad," Beckett admitted. "But they're getting better."

Ryan smiled at her. "I'm really glad to hear that."

Beckett lifted her glass to her lips. "By the way, you won that bet that you and Espo made last summer," she said, and then took a sip.

Ryan's brows re-furrowed. "What bet?"

Beckett shrugged casually. Looked out toward the ocean.

Ryan racked his brains. They had only had one unresolved bet from the previous summer. But she couldn't mean…could she? "You mean you…?"

Beckett tried to hide her smile behind another sip.

"You guys are together?" Ryan asked incredulously.

Beckett nodded. "Yeah, we are."

Ryan grinned. "Well, I'm happy you guys finally figured it out and all, but I'm even happier that I get an extra hundred bucks this week!"

Beckett laughed. "I thought you might be."

"So, ah…speaking of work…when are you coming back?"

His question hung in the air, and hit Beckett like a ton of bricks. She bit her lip. Was she even coming back? "I…I don't know, Ry…"

"I'm not trying to rush you back before you're ready," Ryan said quickly. "It's just, well, we could definitely use you back. Karpowski's back as a temp from working robbery-homicide at the eighty-eight, but…" he paused. "Well, she's no you, you know?"

Beckett smiled. Her team still needed her.

"And, we…" he kicked at the ground. "You know. We miss you."

"I miss you guys too," Beckett said. "I just don't know for sure when I'll be back yet."

"Take all the time you need," Ryan said. "We can wait."

Beckett shoulder-bumped Ryan gently, and they directed their attention back to the small table in time to see Jenny's mother giving Castle an overly friendly hug.

On the way back to the beach house, Beckett was silent, lost in her own head.

Castle glanced at her from time to time, resisting the urge to say something. After twenty minutes or so, however, he couldn't take it any more. He pulled off of Route 27, and began the short detour towards Napeague Beach.

"Rick, where are we going?" Beckett asked as the cruised down Dolphin Drive.

But by the time the question had left her lips they were already parked. He looked at her and said, "Let's take a walk."

"You do realize there's a beach at your house, don't you?"

He shrugged. "I like this one too."

Beckett thought for a moment, shook her head, and got out of the car. She would never figure out the way his mind worked. She met him at the front of the car, and they started down sand, the setting sun casting brilliant shades of orange, gold, and red on the beach.

Castle reached out and took her hand, looking out at the ocean.

They walked for a while in silence, thinking their respective thoughts, happy to simply be with the other and enjoy the sunset.

But Castle had an agenda.

"So, that was something running into Ryan, huh?" he asked at long last.

"Yeah," Beckett agreed. "Small world."

"Bet it was nice to see him though," Castle said.

"Yeah, yeah," Beckett said again, nodding. "It was. It just got me thinking, that's all."

Bingo. "Oh? About what?"

Beckett took a deep breath, and then sighed. "I'm going to have to go back to work at some point…"

Castle hesitated. "Well, not necessarily…"

Beckett looked at him, one eyebrow up, a question written plainly on her face.

"If you…" Castle paused, choosing his words. "If you didn't want to go back to being a Detective, you don't have to. I meant what I said earlier about pampering you, and I easily have enough money from my books to more than support us for the rest of our lives. You don't have to do anything you don't want to ever again. You could quit tomorrow, if you wanted."

Beckett bit her lip in thought. Dear God, he was great. "That's really sweet of you, Rick," she said. "But…I have to. It's something I love, Mom's case or no."

Castle nodded. He had had a feeling this conversation would go like that. "So, what are you thinking, then?"

She thought for a moment. "I need to go back soon," she whispered.

"Okay," Castle said slowly. "Just remember, you're not on anyone's schedule but your own."

Beckett laughed lightly. "I bet the NYPD would beg to differ."

Castle stopped them, and looked at her seriously. "Kate, you need to make sure you're healthy before you go back."

Beckett nodded once. "I will, don't worry. I'll talk to my therapist about it, finish up my EMDR, and then…"

"And then?"

"And then I'll go back. I just need a week," Beckett smiled, resolve in her eyes. "August 1st, I'm going back."

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