Scene 9 – Unexpected Rapture.

The feeling of a cool breeze against my neck urges me to open my eyes as I stare off into the distance. My fingers grasp the metal fencing in front of me, which covers the edges of the roof top of the school. Standing here was the only way I could feel any sense of relaxation, if only slightly more so than anywhere else.

I recall my excuse within twenty minutes of returning into class, a claim of discomfort that allowed me to leave. While I'm told to go to the Nurse, I had detoured to the roof, knowing I could be alone there.

There is so much uncertainty when it comes to this topic. It is all new experiences and I'm not sure how I should feel. Regret sets in as I go over things once again in my mind. I squeeze my fingers tight against the fence, doing my best to resist.

Am I supposed to feel this way? It's horrible and I hate it.

I want to believe that I'm over reacting, that maybe I'm not seeing everything as I should. However, the pain in my chest, which clearly isn't something physical, tells me otherwise. The internal conflict drags on for what feels like forever.

It would have gone on all day, if it wasn't for the bell ringing loudly on the roof. A strong jolt runs down my body which oddly helps me relax. I suppose it is time for lunch, but I don't know if having anyone around me is good right now.

The grip I have on the fence slowly loosens as I take a few deep breaths, going over my options. Either to stay here alone on the roof, or to go back down and talk to my friends. In the end, despite my hesitation, I decide that it's best to show myself, so not to add any more fuel to the situation that we are all dealing with now.

My descent back towards the class hall was slow at best, as I took careful steps. I wasn't exactly sure why I'm walking this way, but I couldn't help feel uneasy as I reach the bottom of the staircase.

My hand pushes on the corner of the wall, letting out a deep sigh and looking down the hallway. Only a few minutes have gone by since the bell rang, as I spot Hisao and Lilly talking to each other near the classroom door.

There is no doubt in my mind they are discussing what happened to Hanako. The only thing to do for now is to join in on the conversation.

About halfway towards them, Hisao notices me, which apparently grabs Lilly's attention as well.

"Hey…," my voice sounds off, despite the effort to speak normally.

"You disappeared for a while, Hiroshi. Are you feeling all right?" Hisao's words feel out-of-place, considering the situation, but I push forward.

"…Everything is fine…," Hisao doesn't reject my words, though Lilly keeps her concerned expression.

A pause comes between us. The numbing sensation of uneasiness feels like a strong pressure at my core, while it lingers, the tone between us changes once again. Hisao then begins to tell of the event in more detail. Lilly appears focused on his words. I on the other hand start to wonder if I had just told Hanako about the trip, while not revealing its purpose, I may have saved Hanako from this grief.

The story comes to an end, as a sense of dread fills the air around me.

"If maybe I didn't keep her so in the dark yesterday, maybe this wouldn't have happened," my voice is a little shaky as I spoke.

"Hanako's birthday is a difficult time for her," Lilly points this out, though it doesn't help me feel any better.

"So what should we do?" Hisao clearly wants to fix the situation.

"It would be best to speak with Hanako when she returns from the Infirmary," Lilly speaks with a strong level-headedness that I couldn't imagine matching.

"We shouldn't expect her back until the evening," I could only wonder if the panic attack for Hanako was anything like what happened to me a month ago.

Once the silence returns, I began to feel the uncertainty in my heart that I had while on the roof. A small sigh leaves my lips, as I look at both Hisao and Lilly.

"Hisao, could you grab some lunches for us, please?" Lilly is quick with her words.

"Uh… oh…, sure thing," I couldn't be sure how Hisao felt about the request, but I could assume he is caught off guard with it.

Hisao heads down the hall to the staircase and soon disappears from sight. Lilly turns to me; she had a small smile on her face, though it looks oddly unhappy.

"Hiroshi, let us go set up the table," Lilly spoke in a tender manner.

What is she up to? This doesn't feel like Lilly, but it kind of does. I'm so confused, but maybe I shouldn't stress over it.

"Okay…," It takes a moment to get myself to start walking over to the room with Lilly.

Stepping inside, it feels warm, but with the sun coming through the window on this side, it isn't much of a surprise.

"Hiroshi?" I turn around, looking at Lilly, who is no longer smiling. I hesitate to respond.

"…Yes?"

"Are you feeling well?" The only thing I could imagine I was doing was making an odd face, but considering it is Lilly, that wouldn't make any sense.

"…I'm fine…," obviously this wasn't true, but I've caused enough problems already.

"You're sighing a lot, and I notice your breathing is erratic," Lilly injected worry into her words.

I'm definitely feeling down, but I can't believe it's so apparent. Bottling it up anymore at this point seems like it will drag me down for the rest of the day. Maybe it is best to just tell Lilly.

"Well…," the words aren't difficult to come up with, but expressing myself is the real challenge.

"I've caused a lot of pain to everyone I've talked to since coming to Yamaku…, I feel like a terrible friend," There is a stillness to my heart as I reveal my thoughts to Lilly. Uneasy wouldn't begin to describe it.

"What do you mean, Hiroshi?" of course she wants clarification.

With her inquiry in hand, I pull up a few chairs to the table, and take a seat. Lilly does so as well.

I make sure to take my time explaining both major events in detail, being sure to not to sound over dramatic about it. In retrospect, the issue with Hanako did not weigh in as much on my guilty as the first, it did ping a sense of guilt and frustration that came from the first issue that lead me to being hospitalized.

From the moment I finish talking to Lilly, I place my elbow against the table with the palm of my hand against my face, leaning against it.

Her reaction looks blank at first, as if she is absorbing and analyzing everything I said. Then, what feels like a minute goes by before she begins to speak.

"As distant as you like to present yourself at times, you are actually an empathetic individual," the grace of her words impact me hard.

"I know deep down, you have no intention of doing anyone any harm, and sometimes things are out of our control. As kind-hearted of a person you are, you shouldn't feel like a burden upon anyone," I can feel as if my heart is being pulled slightly as she speaks.

"Lilly…, I just…," a feeling of happiness and sadness fills me. I want to cry, if only because of the comforting mood, but it doesn't come out.

My left hand comes up from the table as I rub my eyes, trying to center myself. As soon as I get my focus back on Lilly, I notice her hands reaching over to the table, just near my face. My heart might as well of stopped I that moment.

Her finger tips pass against my cheeks, it's a tenderly warm sensation to say the least.

"It is all right, Hiroshi," I want to believe all that she said.

"Hey, I got the lunches" Hisao voice easily kills the atmosphere.

Panic sets in quick as I pull my face from Lilly's hand, the force of my movement forces my knee to hit the bottom of the table.

"Argghhh…," I wasn't sure how to react as I rub my knee. As close as Hisao and Lilly seem, it would have made things awkward.

"Is everything okay?" there is no surprise that he appears confused.

"Y-yeah…never better…," I give a fake chuckle, though I feel an urge to curse at my pain.

Despite what happened to my knee, I think I feel a lot better now, I'm not completely assured, but at least things are at ease.

Hisao joins us at the table as he passes the lunches around. I open mine up quickly, but wait for them to start eating before I begin. Another sigh leaves my lips, but it doesn't sound so negative.

"Thanks by the way, Lilly…," I smile a little, as close my eyes for a moment.

"It was no problem at all, Hiroshi," As I open my eyes, I see her usual tender smile.

"Let's dig in, "Hisao must definitely be hungry now.

Whether it was due to the conversation between Lilly and I, or just how long we took to eat, it seems that our time to get back to class is short. I offer to set the table and chairs back as Hisao and Lilly clean up our little mess.

Once everything gets put back into place, we walk out into the hallway.

"See you after class Lilly," I can only hope things go as well for Hanako as they did for me.

"Take care, both of you," Lilly gives a small wave before walking to her class, though the sight of her without Hanako feels odd.

Hisao and I head back to class, knowing the bell would ring any minute now.

Feeling as well as I do now, I wonder if I should make sure to get some advice for my problems. Katsumi might have things to say, if I could ever deal with a long conversation with her…

Something dawns on me.

Oh crap, I never came back before the lunch periods…, let's hope he forgot about it…,