Glenna

Her mother had not said one more word to her after their confrontation in the street. When they got home, Maggie went straight up to her bedroom and shut the door. Normally, that would make Glenna scared. Her mother was prone to depression and sometimes it got so bad that Glenna's Aunt Beth had to come over and physically force her sister to get out of bed. Glenna knew sometimes her mother couldn't help it, but there were other times she was sure the woman did it just for the attention. And to get her way. Well, Glenna told herself, if she wants to sulk in there all day, she can knock herself out.

As she stepped into her room, Glenna wrinkled up her nose. Something really stunk. She followed her nose over to the window where the ladder was still leaning against the side of the house. Guess I wasn't being as sneaky as I thought. There were a few large dirty footprints where MJ had climbed in the window to help her climb down. She bent down to sniff at them, then backed up quickly. Fucking MJ, what the hell had he been stepping in before he climbed up into her window? Smelled like dried on dog shit.

After cleaning up the mess in her room, Glenna took a long shower and swathed herself in the only towel they had that was big enough to wrap all the way around her. It was blue and yellow and it had a big cartoon mermaid with bright red hair on it. The picture on the towel gave her a funny thought. If black magic voodoo doctors were real, maybe mermaids were real too. It would be fun to be a mermaid. She smiled to herself and headed into her bedroom, which now thankfully smelled a lot less like dog poop and more like the soap she and her mom used to wash their laundry.

The baggy shorts she usually wore were really dirty, so Glenna was faced with finding something else to wear. She poked through the clothes hanging in her closet, pushing all the things towards the back that she knew wouldn't fit her. Her wardrobe consited mostly of things people had found and randomly given her. Nothing matched and nothing was cute like the stuff the other girls wore. She finally settled on a pair of jeans that she prayed would zip up and button, a long tank top with stretchy sides that Jenny's mom had given her and a baggy western style shirt. She yanked the jeans on and prepared herself to suck in hard so she could button them up, but found they snapped around her waist easily. Either they were a different pair than the ones she thought they were, or she was smaller than the last time she had tried to get into them. Glenna had been lugging books from all over town down to the library. Maybe she had lost some weight. It was a drop in the bucket, but it was better than getting even bigger.

She knelt down and strapped the small knife she carried onto her ankle. Then she gathered up the books she was going to show Hershel and set off for the radio booth. Once she was on her front porch, Glenna could hear some commotion going on in Dixie's backyard. There was some high pitched squealing that had to be Dixie, and then laughter. Glenna thought about walking over to see what was going in, but then changed her mind and pressed on down the street towards the front gate, holding her stack of books tightly against her chest. When she got closer to the bar, the smell of fried eggs and fresh bread made her stomach start to rumble. Glenna was still a little afraid to go into the bar alone. But she remimnded herself that nothing had happened to her the last time.

Hunger won out over her nerves and Glenna set her books outside near the front entrance and walked inside. More people must have come into town for the festival, because the place was packed with unfamiliar faces. Glenna could feel their eyes on her. In the new world, it was very unusual to see someone as big as her. People in Alexandria were used to her by now, but new people always stared. She felt like they were all watching her to see how much she was going to eat.

Dixie's mom came out of the kitchen with a huge basket of muffins, picking up and empty basket and setting the full one in its place. She smiled when she saw Glenna and walked over to greet her.

"Hi honey," she said to the girl, putting her hand gently on Glenna's back and leading her over to where she had the food set up. "There's blueberry muffins and bread here. Hot plates and pans to cook the eggs over there. And over to the side there, is yogurt and fruit and homemade granola. You go on and get whatever you want." Glenna smiled at the woman, who was making her feel much more at ease. RickyJo was debating on whether or not to say anything else to the girl. "I am glad to finally see you getting out of the house and coming down here," RickyJo finally spit out, "its good for you to be around other people." And away from your mother. She didn't have to say that part. She had a feeling Glenna knew what she was implying.

Plus a little birdy with a very big mouth had told RickyJo that Glenna had slept over in her son's room the night before. And RickyJo really wanted to ask her about it, but felt it was probably not the most appropriate topic of conversation. If she had just spent a romantic night with a young man, the last thing she would want was that young man's mother asking her questions about it the next day. So instead she hugged the big girl tightly against her chest for a moment and then hurried back into the kitchen.

Glenna stared after the woman, wondering what all the hugging had been about. Then she brushed off the front of her shirt where a bit of flour had rubbed off from RickyJo's kitchen apron. People were digging into the large basket of muffins with enthusiasm, so Glenna took one. She filled up a glass with iced tea and looked around for a place to sit. There was not a single open chair, and there were people leaning against the bar and eating standing up. So she walked back outside and sat down in a soft spot on the grass near the side of the building and nibbled her muffin, more comfortable watching all the activity and commotion from a distance. She heard some giggling from around the back of the building and saw Lori walking out with that man from Seaside that had been drinking with them at Dixie's house the night before. He had his hands all over her, and she was laughing and trying to push him away. He pushed her up against the side of the building. Glenna sucked in her breath, scared for a moment that the man might try to hurt her friend. But all he did was kiss her softly on the lips. Then Lori took his hand and they started walking towards the front of the bar.

"My dad isn't in there is he?," Lori asked Glenna as they were walking by. Glenna shook her head.

"I didn't see him," she told Lori. Lori smiled.

"Is that a blueberry muffin?," Greg asked her, giving Glenna a big smile even though he was holding Lori's hand.

"Yes," she said sheepishly. Then she looked down.

"Come on," Greg told Lori, "I am fucking starving." He swatted playfully at Lori's behind and the two of them took off. Before they went inside, the man looked back at Glenna and gave her another smile. It was obvious that Lori had slept all night in that man's bed. And Glenna wondered what else they had done. Maybe they had done it. The man had been trying to talk to Glenna first. If she had gone back with him instead of Lori, would he have tried to do it with her? Glenna's mother had never given her a sex talk. She probably thought I didn't need one since no man would ever want me. But Glenna had read enough romance novels. She had a pretty good idea of what men and women did when they were alone together. The sudden thought of waking up next to MJ crept back into her mind and she felt her cheeks get hot. They had not done it, but she had slept in his bed all night, which was more than Dixie or Sarah had done with a boy.

And then suddenly MJ was there, heading past where she was sitting towards the back of the bar. Glenna smoothed her hair down, hoping he would see her there, and also hoping he wouldn't.

"Hey Glenna," he said, spotting her right away, "I thought yer mom was putting you on lock down." He jumped up and grabbed a branch of the tree she was sitting under and started swinging around like a monkey. She had to duck to avoid being kicked directly in the head.

"You better come down before you fall down," she told him.

"I won't fall down," he said, "I am like a fucking jungle cat." With that the branch he was swinging from snapped with a loud crack and he flopped onto the ground, leaves flinging up everywhere. The loud noise brought his mother out the back door of the bar. She saw MJ on his ass and leaves everywhere. His long arm shot out from between the branches.

"Its alright mom," he yelled, "I'm ok!" RickyJo just shook her head and went back inside. There was no point in scolding MJ, he never listened. She had been telling him to stay out of those damn apple trees since he was five. At this point, if he broke his neck, it was his own damn fault.

"So what are you doing?," MJ asked after he climbed out from under the tree branch.

"Going to see Hershel," Glenna told him. She left out the reason why.

"At his house?"

"No, at the radio booth," Glenna told him. They were meeting there so they could talk without anyone hearing them.

"Outside the walls?," MJ asked, cocking his head at her. Glenna never went outside the walls. "Not allowed to go out there without a weapon."

"I have this." Glenna pulled up her pant leg and showed him the small hunting knife she had hidden there. MJ laughed.

"Whatcha gonna do with that toothpick?"

"Stab your stupid ass if you don't stop laughing at me," she informed him. Glenna almost covered her mouth after that flew out. She didn't normally talk to people like that. MJ stared at her a moment before he started up laughing again, even harder this time.

"Come on." He got up and grabbed Glenna by the upper part of her arm and hauled her up along side him. "My mom has a ton of extra guns down in the gun safe in the cellar." Glenna followed him reluctantly. She didn't really want a gun. And she had no idea how to shoot one. But she figured she could just carry it with her and give it back later. It would be easier than trying to argue with MJ.

MJ twisted the combination lock around until the gun safe popped open with a clink. Then he dug through the guns until he found a small revolver in a holster that she could use. He checked to make sure it was loaded, and then snapped it closed and handed it to Glenna. She held the gun awkwardly, like it was a disease or a baby bird she didn't want to squeeze to tight.

"You know how to use that dontcha?," he asked. She raised her eyebrows up. Glenna wasn't sure what to say. She was a little embarrassed that she had never shot a gun before. Finally she shook her head and tried to hand the gun back.

"Ya ain't never shot a gun before?," he asked, "Not ever?" MJ was looking at her like she had suddenly sprouted a second head. He couldn't remember a time that he had not known how to use a gun. His mom used to carry him on her back when she went hunting. And when he got a little bigger than that, his dad and his uncle took him out hunting and fishing and shooting. He was hitting pop cans with a slingshot before he learned how to read. MJ got his first walker when he was seven.

"No," Glenna admitted, "so just keep it. I can walk to the bell tower without it." MJ ignored her and walked over to the bottom of the steps. He yelled so loud she almost put her hands up to cover her ears.

"Mooooom!," he hollered, "Moooom! MOM!" RickyJo appeared at the top of the steps.

"Do not call me like a dog MJ," she told him, "how many times do I have to tell you that." He thought about pointing out that she had come when he called her. Like a dog. But he quickly decided telling her that might not be in his best interest.

"Where are the rubber practice bullets?," he asked her.

"What do you want with rubber bullets? You aren't going to shoot your uncle with them again, are you?"

"Mooom!," he protested, "that was like three months ago." Now he knew why the practice bullets were hidden.

"What are you doing with them?," RickyJo asked him. Poor Daryl had a scar on his back where MJ had sniped at him out of a tree. Of course Merle had thought the whole thing was hilarious. She wouldn't be surprised if he had put MJ up to it in the first place, though he would never admit it.

"Taking Glenna out practice shooting," he said. His mother cocked her hand up on her hip and looked at him, trying to decide if he was telling the truth. A nice walk by the lake is where he should be taking that girl. Or maybe for a picnic. Not out shooting.

"They are under the shelf with the applesauce on it," she told him. She laughed as her son dashed off out of view. A few moments later he appeared with Glenna in tow, hauling her along behind him by the hand. He had a small bag over one shoulder. The poor girl looked like she just swallowed a bug. "Be careful," RickyJo reminded her son. Once they couldn't see her anymore, she had a good laugh.

Glenna stopped at the front of the bar to pick up her books. MJ glanced at the books but didn't ask her about them. She followed MJ to the front gates, wondering how in the world she allowed herself to her roped into this. She was suppposed to be meeting Hershel to talk about that walker, not going out shooting with a half crazy tree climbing lunatic. They stopped by the bell tower. She was hoping Hershel was in there, but MJ just took the books and stacked them inside the door. He didn't call up to Hershel. She noticed he was careful with her books, and handled them gently instead of tossing them inside like trash. It made her smile, she remembered most of the books Jenny had given her from their house belonged to his dad. Maybe MJ liked to read too. She couldn't picture him sitting down to dig into a good book, but then again, it was hard to imagine his dad doing it either. After he stacked up the books, he shut the door to the bell tower and headed off into the woods. Glenna looked at the door to the bell tower and then back at MJ. She sighed and set off trudging after him.

"Slow down MJ, my legs are not that long."

"Sorry," he said, stopping and waiting for her to catch up. They were about to turn a corner into the woods. Once they did, the walls of Alexandria would be out of view. Glenna felt a sudden surge of fear wash over her. She had never been this far away from home before. MJ could see she was hesistating, looking back towards the front gate.

"Ain't you ever been out here before either?" She shook her head.

"My mom said I couldn't go outside the walls. She said people die out here."

"People die in there too," MJ remarked. Glenna's mom was what his uncle liked to call nuttier than squirrel shit. He felt bad for Glenna. There was no reason to be afraid to go outside, as long as you had your weapons with you. He walked back and took her hand. "Come on," he said, "I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you. If we see any biters, I will stab them right in the head." Glenna swallowed hard and nodded. Then she let him lead her deeper into the woods.

"How far have you been outside the walls?," she asked.

"Couple years ago Deanna watched the bar for my mom and we all went out on the road for a month. My mom and dad and my Uncle Daryl, they took me and Dixie to see the ocean and then we circled back around and went to visit Hilltop. My mom wanted us to see the ocean. It was important to her, I guess. I didn't really understand why until we got there."

"What was it like?" Glenna had seen pictures of the ocean, and maps. But really seeing it would probably be a lot better than a picture.

"Wet and salty," he said with a laugh. Glenna rolled her eyes. But then his tone changed and got more serious. "It's water that just goes on forever, as far as you can see. Big waves crashing in. We went swimming and we dug for clams and cooked them over a fire on the beach. Dixie cried when it was time to leave." He said the last part with an evil little smirk. Really MJ had cried too when they had to leave. But he wasn't going to tell Glenna that. He wanted to stay there forever. They took the saddles off the horses and rode them in the surf and camped in the dunes. He and his dad shot down half a dozen stupid fat white seagulls and his mom roasted them on spits over the fire. It was the most fun he had ever had.

Glenna listened quietly to what he told her about the ocean, trying to get a picture of it in her head. The only place she had ever gone swimming was in the bathtub. There was a lake out behind Alexandria. People liked to climb the back wall and go out there to swim, but Glenna had only been brave enough to climb the wall and watch them disappear into the woods.

"I've never even been to the lake," Glenna admitted. She wasn't sure why she said it. Maybe because he had told her something personal.

"Want to go?," MJ asked. He was determined to take her for a shooting lesson. But the day was gettting warm. Maybe they could go to the lake after.

"I don't even have a suit," Glenna said, hoping that would be the end of the discussion. She should have known if she said she had never been to the lake that he was going to want to go there. He turned back to give her a wicked grin.

"We could go skinny dipping," he told her. Glenna wrinkled up her face like he had suggested they roll around in the compost bins. The thought of taking her clothes off, in the middle of the day, in front of someone else was not an appealing thought.

"Don't be nasty," she told him. That made him laugh. Besides, all the girls did it. He had gone out there with Hershel and spied on them. It had been pretty exciting for about ten minutes. Once the girls were in the water all the boys could see was their heads and they quickly got bored and left.

"We are here," MJ announced. The woods opened up into a field. The grass was well trampled and there was a long fence set up with some bottles and cans and other junk lying around. It was clear to Glenna that people came here often to practice shooting. Some archery targets were stacked up against a tree. She would shoot the gun today, but Glenna was more interested in learning how to shoot the bow the other girls had given her. Bows were what all the other girls used, and most of the boys. Arrows could be used more than once and they could make new ones. Bullets not so much.

MJ set his bag down on the grass and poked through it, taking out the gun he had tried to give Glenna earlier and shaking the real bullets out of it so he could load it up with the practice ones. Then he handed her the gun. She took it and stood there holding it, feeling stupid. He nodded his head towards the targets on the fence across the field.

"Try to shoot at something," he told her. Glenna turned and raised the gun up. But she was holding it all wrong. It she shot it off like that, it was going to kick back and hit her in the face. "Hold on," he said quickly. Then he stood up

"Square up your shoulders," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders and pulling them back. Having his hands on her like that made Glenna feel funny. His hands were big and strong looking, with calluses on the palms and a few scars on his knuckles she had not noticed before. He stuck his foot between he ankles and kicked her feet apart.

"Ouch," she declared. It hadn't really hurt, but it startled her.

"Well spread yer legs apart then," he said. Then he realized what he said and laughed. He got control of himself and went back to the lesson. "Hold the gun with both hands," he told her. Then he wrinkled his face up. She wasn't holding it right, and he wasn't sure how to teach her. He had never taught someone how to shoot a gun before, it seemed like everyone just grew up knowing how. He helped Hershel teach his little brothers how to use a slingshot. But slingshots didn't kick back like a gun. MJ chewed on his lower lip. Then Glenna felt him come around behind her.

He put one foot on the outside of each of hers and put his arms around her, pushing up on her elbows to lock her arms and then putting his hands on the tops of her wrists to keep the gun from kicking up and back. She could feel the heat from his body against her back. No wonder he sleeps on top of the covers. He was so tall he could rest his chin on the top of her head.

"No pick out somethin' to aim for," he told her. She was confused for a moment, were they still having a gun lesson. Because she was suddenly thinking about a lot of other things she would rather be doing then learning how to shoot a gun. Don't be nasty, she told herself. Then she looked across the field at the fence to try and pick out the easiest thing to aim for. There was an old brown beer bottle sitting on top of one of the fence posts.

"That brown bottle," she said, moving her arms so the gun was pointed at it.

"Look down the top of the gun and when you see it, pull the trigger." It was hard for him to tell if she was going to hit the bottle, since she was holding the gun much lower than he would, so the angle was awkward. Glenna took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the bottle and not the way it felt to have MJ's arms around her. That little voice inside her spoke up. You are stupid if you think he likes you. Pretty girls like Judith are what he likes. What all boys like. Not fat ass hogs like you. With the voice came a newfound rush of anger. She squeezed the trigger and the bottle across the field exploded.

MJ was jumping around, excited that she had actually hit something. He knew how discouraging it could be to learn a new weapon and not be able to hit what you wanted to at first. Glenna would still have to practice, but it was good she hit something on her first shot. She must have a good eye for shooting. Anyone could learn to shoot, but people with better eyesight could hit things that were further away. That's why his sister was a better long range shooter than he was.

"You want to try on your own now?," he asked. Glenna thought about it.

"No," she said, "I think I would rather you help me again."

They got some good practice in. But the noise eventually started attracting walkers. MJ would have rather taken them out and kept going, but he could tell Glenna was scared of them. So he picked up his bag and took her back to the bell tower. She tried to give him the gun back, but he told her to keep it. Then he dug the real bullets out of the bottom of the bag and dumped them carefully into her hand. She shoved them into her pocket and watched as he walked away back towards the front gates. The way his shoulders moved under his shirt as he walked made her bite at her lip while all the blood in her head rushed into her cheeks.

Glenna turned and went inside the tower, shutting the door behind her. The little pile of bullets pressed against her leg through the inside of her pants pocket. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel his arms around her. She had shot a gun for the first time that day. But years later, when she thought back to that day in the field, she would not remember it as the day she learned how to fight, or finally stopped being so afraid. She would remember it as the day she stopped writing love letters to her cousin.