santana smirked when she found the grey book in the choir room. She was a girl who loved secrets, especially if she could use them. Opening it she read the first page, nothing special just some stuff about a funeral and a mom, taking care of his father. She froze, her eyes wide, She knew of only one person who had a dead mother, and that person was one of the coldest people she knows, with a biting tongue and the power to freeze you solid. This was kurt hummels book. With a trembling hand she turned a couple pages reading further, and could not hold in the laugh, which is how the rest of the club found her, laughing her head off.

"What's so funny my latina princess?" Puck asked sitting next to her, santana rolled her eyes "does kurt know you call me princess?" she asked, puck only laughed "kurt knows he is my king. Besides you girls are the princesses compared to him" he poked her arm before ducking from her swipe at his head. The others merely rolled their eyes and laughed at the exchange between friends. "so what are you reading?" Quinn asked, sitting on sams lap, her arms around his neck "kurts diary" she smirked, the room went silent "are you nuts?" artie gasped "kurt will kill you if he finds out." kurt would not really kill santana, but would maybe freeze her solid for a bit, her speed powers were no match for his ice magic.

"He won't, he loves me." she glared at finn, stopping his chuckling "whats so funny?" she growled "he may love you, but going through his things will piss him off" Santana shrugged and started reading the diary aloud "Dear journal, no i am not going to say diary, im gay not a girl. Today i joined the glee club, further making myself more like a stereo type, but i love music. It reminds me of my mother and right now, that's what i need". They sat silent for a moment at the mention of his mother, knowing how sensitive the boy is about it. "it really sucks what happened to him, and such a young age. I don't know what it's like not having a mother" Tina spoke up from her spot near mike, kurt was the only person, besides rachel, who didn't have a mother, but unlike rachel, he had grown up with her, had known her.

"Uncle burt was destroyed when auntie died. Kurtie even stopped coming over for a long time" Brittany's voice drew their attention to the blonde girl. It was found out after burts heart attack that a few of their members shared family ties, Brittany was kurt's and now finns, cousin. Santana started reading another entry pulling them from their heads and dark thoughts of heart attacks and zombie like friend. "Finn Hudson. He saved my jacket from the brutes and the trash. I know he's straight and would never want me, but a boy can dream, at least until i get out of this cow shit town and find me a real man worth my time.".

Everyone laughed as finn blushed a deep red, thinking about the time kurt held a torch for him "that was kind of funny now that i think about it" he nodded his head as he spoke, the others agreed. Santana smirked "oh this is good 'How dare she! That fashion challanged diva, broke my window because i lied about my crush, all because i didn't crush on her. UGH!"Mercedes blushed regretfully thinking about that day, she had paid off the damage to the car, but it took forever for kurt to forgive her.

A few more passages made the others laugh, talking about making Rachel look like a hooker clown or when he put icy hot in pucks jock strap, some were sad making some of them cry, talking about his father's coma or when finn dropped the f bomb on him.

One entry was about how he realized he never had a real crush on finn, but on puck, and that he used finn as a beard of sorts. It wasn't until a very dark entry stopped her from speaking "santana, you ok?" she shook her head and made to close the book, to forget about it and erase it from her own mind, but was stopped by brittany taking it from her and reading it out loud "It hurts, the memories are coming back. Blaine didn't help, not after what he did tonight at scandels".

Everyone grew angry thinking about the night and the boy who almost ruined their friend, their family. Blaine had turned out not to be so dapper, when he tried to force himself on kurt. Puck had gone and broke his nose, while finn broke his arm the very next day. Three weeks later, puck and kurt were dating and both boys were happy. "Memories?" tina spoke aloud, no one knew the answer to it, no clue to what memories he was mentioning, but if it had anything to do with blaine they were not happy.

Brittany skipped a couple pages, mostly because it was all about the sex he and puck had. Kurt was a kinky basterd, not only were they into bondage and submission, but kurt also had a daddy kink. Santana laughed, which only increased when puck blushed "daddy kink? does he call you papa?" she asked laughing, puck blushed "shut up santana, that is our life not yours" he glared at anyone who tried to speak up. A startled cry from brittany made everyone stop "brit?" she shook her head, only to read out loud the entry.

"I don't know if i can take it anymore. The memories are back, worse than ever. I wake up feeling restrained, like im bound again. My mouth is dry and i can't scream, i wanna run to my dad but i dont want to wake my mother. I don't want our new family to fall apart. I have forgiven Dave, but when he kissed me, and then blaine...it just made the memories resurface. It's even starting to effect mine and pucks relationship. I love him to much to ever let anything hurt him...Its time to end it"

The room was dead silent, no one spoke, no one even breathed. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" puck shouted jumping up "what the fuck does that mean? restrained?" he looked to finn, but he shook his head, he had no answers. "what does he mean end it?" Tina asked, her face showing fresh tears "you don't think he would... do anything would he?" her voice was full of worry. Everyone took notice that their countertenor had not shown up, neither had the irish boy, rory.

"oh my god" quinn had her hand over her mouth "i haven't seen him since lunch. I haven't seen either of them since lunch." everyone looked at each other, all starting to freak out. "alright calm down" Santana shouted standing up "maybe he is in the bath room cleaning up. Lets all just split up, and go look for him, i am sure we are just over reacting to things. Maybe he knew someone might read it and put their as a joke" she laughed but it held no strength, she was to worried about her baby gay. "that would be one fucked up joke" puck growled, his fists clenched.

It took ten minutes to relax every one enough to come up with a plan, they did not handle crisis very well. They split into groups before leaving the room, Ten minutes later, everyone returned back to the choir room, no kurt or rory in sight. Puck was getting really worried, he was a badass, but when people he loved came into the picture, he was like a scared bunny rabbit. "did anyone check the roof?" Brittany asked, they all looked at her like she was crazy, but it was brittany "why brit?" artie asked grabbing her hand. She shrugged "he used to love high places when we were younger, and he told me once that the roof had a garden ontop. He took me up their once, its pretty".

Everyone ran to the roof running as fast as they could, artie and joe stayed behind since artie wouldn't be able to get up the stairs, joe stayed to keep him company. Throwing the door open everyone came to a stop. Their eyes looking frantically around everywhere, Quinn spotted the garden, but couldn't see anyone inside the little hide away that was built into it, covered by vines and flowers. "where could he be?" puck asked his voice cracking from worry, he opened his mouth to speak when santana slammed her hand over his mouth "sssh. hear that?" they all grew silent, they could hear faint talking coming from behind one of the school air ducks.

They all stopped when they found kurt and rory sitting on the edge of the roof, kurt was leaning his head on rory's shoulder, sniffling. "Kurtie, its ok. Its time" he spoke gently, kurt could only nod. The others grew worried thinking the worse at those words, but no one moved. It surprised them all when the boys started to sing. Kurts voice was deeper then normal, and blended well with rory's.

This world, this world is cold
But you don't, you don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
Your mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know

Your days, you say they're way too long
And your nights, you can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for
But you don't want to know more
You're not sure what you're looking for
But you don't want to know more

Both boys broke off the song as they sobbed. Kurts tears turning to ice and the plants next to rory slowly withered until they died. Puck, not able to stand by anymore, rushed forward yanking both boys back onto the roof and hugging kurt tightly "please, don't go. Don't leave me behind" he whispered into kurts neck. Kurt after a moments shock, gripped puck in return "go, where am i going?" he asked confused, not able to understand a word coming from his boyfriends mouth "you were singing a song about suicide, and your diary said it was time to end it. seeing you on the ledge made me freak. Please dont leave me behind kurt, i cant live without you. Your my everything" the normal badass punk crying broke kurts heart. The words sinking in "my diary? wait a minute, you read my diary?" he asked tilting his head, puck nodded, noticing the others for the first time, they nodded as well.

Kurt forced to look at him, taking a few breaths before speaking "Noah. I am not going anywhere. That diary is old, the entries are old. I no longer feel that way. What you saw, me on the ledge, I come here to think, when i said it was time to end. I meant the past, so i can focuse on my future" he waited to speak again, allowing the words to sink in for all, puck could only nod before taking a breath "how come your up here with rory?" he glared at the irish boy who was giving a sad smile. Kurt and rory shared a look before giggling while everyone looked confused, or in pucks case, angry. "babe, he is my cousin. we didn't tell anyone because he was already getting harassed, i didn't want it getting worse. I am sorry for not telling you, or any of you" he looked at them all "but please, no more crying, I am perfectly fine." he smiled when they all nodded but he could still see some lingering doubt in their eyes "now, i can be a drama queen but this is to much, i hate crying, causes wrinkles" he smiled when santana burst out laughing, following by quinn and soon everyone else.

Kurt turned to brittany and smiled "Brit, dear. Do me a favor? burn that dam book for me?" he asked, the girl looked at him then the book in her hands. Nodding they all watched as the book burst into flames, before turning to ash at their feet. "If anyone so much as tells a soul about what was in that book, i will freeze you all for a month" he spoke with such a gentle and calm voice it was creepy. "now lets go return to the choir room, i am sure joe and artie are worried, best not make them wait." he leaned into to whisper in noahs ear before giggling and rushing off, rory following quickly behind him. A flustered and shocked puck stood still, the others staring at him. "what did he say?" rachel asked, unable to resist asking. Puck smirked and shook his head before walking off, the others following, Rachel pestering him to tell her until finn put a hand over her mouth to shut her up.. The words his boyfriend playing over in his head.

Daddy, i am sorry for being a bad boy, i guess your going to have to punish me tonight when we get home.