Donatello felt more ragged than he ever had before, at least in conscious rememberance. At least his head was back on the level.
He'd seen the rest of the clan one by one throughout the rest of the day, too tired to say very much, but it didn't seem to bother anyone. Now and again in quiet moments he would glance down the mattress at his right knee with a twinge of unrest, still simply praying he would be able to come back completely. The tenth time he caught himself doing it, he abrubtly jerked his head upright, immediately wincing at the pain it caused.
That was a brilliant move, he thought bitterly. Now quit thinking about it. You've got everything you need here and more. No sense worrying over what might or might not happen.
He closed his eyes, focused on peaceful thoughts, and went back to sleep.
Donatello was out for a couple hours longer that time, and when he did start coming around again, the first thing he was aware of was the sound of tapping keys. Someone on the computer. He rolled his neck painfully to look toward the sound, and saw Luke's back from across the room.
"Hey." He called, effectively startling the man. "You better be gentle with Gertie, she's been tempermental lately."
Luke rose halfway with a grin, and then rolled the desk chair all the way over to him.
"Have you seriously named all your computers?"
"C'mon Doc, tell me you didn't name your first car."
"Mmm...yes, that would be Rhonda."
"I bet she was your baby, and those machines are mine." Donatello told him with a tired smile. "What are you up to?"
"Just transferring some notes, getting some information ready to be integrated into your journal." Luke replied, as he glanced up at his IV drip. "You're getting close to needing a new one, and since you're awake anyway, I guess there's no time like the present."
He went to retrieve more of the needed formula, and when he came back found that Donatello was staring at him thoughtfully.
"I know that look. Just spit it out." Luke told him.
"It feels like I've been to Hell and back Doc."
"That's probably an accurate description." Luke admitted.
"It was the anesthetic wasn't it? I suppose it needs a little more work."
"You think?"
"Either that or it just needs to be scrapped, it's all the same to me."
"Nah, I don't think we need to scrap it Donnie. In hindsight, I don't think a liquid base was the way to go with it after all. It wasn't the drug itself that messed you up - I think it was the method we gave it to you in. Maybe if we convert into a gas form, the way that a regular anesthetic is administered, it would produce a more tolerant result."
"Good luck finding a guinea pig." Donatello said tongue in cheek.
Luke dropped his gaze for a moment, the guilty look in his eyes immediately registering with Donnie.
"Ah no Doc, I didn't mean it like that. Shoot, you've been blaming yourself for this all week, haven't you?" Donatello said remorsefully.
"I was supposed to--"
"Don't say it Doc. We were in on this together, remember? We agreed it seemed to have a low chance of interfering with the nervous system and other organs. But you know me and my issues, if something can go wrong, it seems like it will."
"Maybe that's true, but I don't know. Do you have any idea what you came back from Donatello? The chances of emerging out of what was basically a vegetative state without any kind of brain damage, the odds were truly stacked against you. I knew how slim your chances were...and I really wasn't sure how I was going to live with myself for it. It was all I could do, just to keep it together in front of the others."
"Doc, how many times did you tell me I didn't have to do it?"
"Several." He said softly.
"You're the one who kept me going when it all went to pieces, and you're the only reason I even had the option of coming back. Quit being hard on yourself - you totally saved my life again."
He fell back asleep a few minutes later, and didn't stir again until late morning. Leonardo brought him some hot tea in the Lab, and then helped him sit up properly to drink it. He sat down beside him while Donatello sipped it slowly, enjoying the steaming warmth coming off of it.
"How are you feeling today?" Leo asked him.
"More awake, that's for sure. Man, that was some trip."
"Do you remember any of it?"
"You mean did a see a big bright light? No. I don't remember anything, not until I was just barely starting to wake up. I'm sorry I put you guys through all that."
"It was rough Donnie, but you shouldn't be apologizing for it. You can't imagine the amount of things that went through my head." Leonardo paused for a long moment. "All the things that I still feel like I need to say to you."
"Leo...you don't need to--"
"Don't stop me Donnie, please? If I don't say it, I don't know if I can let it go."
"Alright, alright Leo...go on if ya really need to."
He hesitated for an instant, and then plunged ahead. "Whenever that day runs through my head, do you know what still bothers me the most about it?"
Donatello shrugged wordlessly.
"You barely fought back." He said simply. "You could have really given me a run for my money, I know you could have hurt me. But you didn't even try to."
"I was sort of in shock Leo."
"But you wouldn't have been too shocked to kick Raph's shell for going after Mikey."
"If I could have gotten to him, he would've been really sorry." Donnie said a little intensely at the memory, and then softened with a short sigh. "So are we okay Leo, or what?"
"Nearly Donnie, I think I'm nearly there. I'm sorry for doing this right now, it's just been weighing on me like a million pounds."
"I'm here Leo, and I'm not going anywhere. Can we talk about something else now?"
"Sure." He replied with a hint of a smile. "I heard you got quite a kiss yesterday."
"Something else Leo!"
The lone pair of flashing lights had reproduced more quickly than Donatello could even have anticipated.
"Donnie, would you quit lookin' back there? You're making me more nervous than I already am!" Raphael barked at him from the wheel.
"Raph, I'm thinking that we might need to do something drastic."
His brother glanced into the rear view mirror, a low growl pulsating in his throat at the sight of the parade of police cars behind them.
"What do you want me to do Donnie? It's not like we can make this thing disappear into thin air!" He demanded of his brother.
"If worst comes to worst, we'll just have to waste the van."
"You want me to crash it?"
"Yeah Raph, I want you to crash the van with us in it. Does that sound like a good idea to you?"
"What the heck are y' going on about then?"
"Here Raph, turn here, we've got to get closer to the harbor!"
"Why, are we gonna sink it?"
"No bro, they could dredge the thing, it still leaves too much evidence behind!"
"Donnie, I swear if you don't start talkin--What are you doing now?" Raph interrupted himself as Donatello unbuckled from his seat belt, and yanked open a hidden compartment under the dash.
"Once we get closer to the water, I'll set the timer." Donnie said, more to himself than his brother.
"Timer? What've you got a timer under the dashboard for?"
"Just in case I need to bake cookies!" Donnie replied under duress, and barely moved in time to duck his brother's flying backhand.
Raphael nearly lost control of the van for it, and swiftly clamped both hands back down to come out of the swerve.
"Darn it Raph, I said don't crash the van!"
"I'm gonna crash you all up and down this pier if you don't tell me what you're doing!"
"The van has a built in fail-safe, I installed a timer to give us a better chance to escape in one piece!"
"Fail safe? Are you talking about explosives?"
Donatello nodded meekly under his brother's fiery glare, and Raphael slammed both hands against the wheel angrily.
"You rigged this thing to self destruct, and you never told me!?"
"It's in the manual Raph - remember I told you to read the manual?"
"You tricked me! That thing's over 200 pages long, you knew I'd never read it!"
"You can't say I didn't give you the chance!"
"Dagone it Donnie, if we live through this I'm gonna kill you!"
A firm hand on his shoulder woke Donatello up, at what he felt was a most appropriate moment. He blinked rapidly, and focused on someone standing over him. Raphael.
"Donnie, y' okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He said, releasing a shaky breath. "What's going on?"
"I'm sorry I woke you up - but whatever that was didn't look like fun."
"What? Oh no, you did me a favor. How long have you been here?"
"I was in the neighborhood, just thought I'd stop in."
Donatello laughed weakly, and then grunted with effort as he sat up slightly on one arm.
"I'm glad you're here actually. I think there's something I should tell you about the van." Donatello ventured.
"Seriously? You've been out of it for a week, and you wanna talk about the van?"
"Well if I don't tell you now, you'll probably kick my shell for it later..."