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When Olivia heard a second cry come from the bedroom that night, she got up from her makeshift bed on the couch and slowly opened the door, finding Alex tossing and turning in bed. Alex was having another nightmare.
Olivia turned on the lamp on the bedside table and murmured to Alex, encouraging her to wake up. Finally, her eyes flew open, and she whimpered in fear.
"Lex, sweetie, you were having a nightmare. Do you know where you are?"
Alex closed her eyes and nodded, tears filling her eyes and streaming down her cheeks, while Olivia reached out to stroke her hair and to wipe the tears away with her thumb.
"Can you tell me about your dream?" Olivia soothed. "You're safe now, I promise."
"Granger got him off. I got shot again, but this time, when everyone thought I was dead, instead of being in witness protection, I was with him, somewhere dark. He told me nobody would ever find me because they all thought I had died. And he made me… over and over… and I couldn't…" Alex dissolved into sobs as Olivia scooped her into her arms and rocked her back and forth.
"Sweetie, you're safe. That's not going to happen. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, and Robert's going to jail for a very long time. You're here with me, and you're safe."
"What if he doesn't take the deal?" Alex whispered.
"If he doesn't take the deal, then you, and Liz, and Casey are going to kick his ass in court, and Moredock's going to put him away for a very long time. I know you know how hard it will be to testify, but we'll all be there for you, and you'll be great, and with all the evidence we've got, it would be impossible not to get a conviction."
"Liv, don't say that. You know as well as I do how quickly these cases can go to hell."
"Okay, I take it back. But if he knows what's good for him, he'll take the deal."
"If he knew what was good for him, he wouldn't have done it in the first place."
"Touché." Olivia ran her fingers through Alex's hair and pressed a soft kiss to her temple. "Lex, why don't you go rinse off and put on some clean pyjamas, and I'll make us some tea, and then we can sit here for a bit until you're ready to go back to sleep."
Alex nodded and sighed. "You must think I'm pathetic. 33 years old and I can't sleep through the night alone and I wake up soaking wet and crying."
Olivia touched Alex's chin and forced her to make eye contact, looking into tear-filled blue eyes with love and compassion. "Alexandra Cabot, you are anything but pathetic. I don't think that at all. I think that what you are is brave, and strong, and beautiful, and that you're hurting right now for lots of reasons, and you need a friend. And I'm glad that you trust me enough to let me be here for you when you're vulnerable, because I know you hate feeling this way. That's what I think. But you, pathetic? Never. And I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it."
—
That afternoon, Alex met Jessica Rossi at a coffee shop for lunch, far enough away from the DA's office and the courthouse that she thought she could avoid running into anyone she knew.
"Thanks for meeting me here," Alex said, smiling as Jessica sat down across from her in the booth. Alex had debated whether to face the entrance, as she'd always done since entering witness protection, or conceal her presence by facing the back of the café, but ultimately, her witsec habits had won out. "I didn't want to run the risk of anyone wanting me to, you know, work if they saw me in my office."
Jessica laughed. "How are you holding up?"
Alex shifted in her seat and looked down at her coffee. "I'm doing okay. I've got some good friends helping me out and keeping my head on straight. Another week though, and I'll be itching to get back to work and have something to keep me busy, I think."
"I bet." Jessica nodded, and thought she caught a fleeting look of vulnerability pass over her boss's face. "It'll give you something to focus on; that'll help."
"Jessica, how much do people in the office know about what happened?" Alex asked quietly.
Jessica paused. "Know? Only what he was charged with, after he was arraigned. Liz has the file in her office, nothing's been entered into the system, and she's been barking at anyone she's heard speculating about it. I thought she was going to bite Jim's head off the other day."
Alex chuckled. "That's Liz. Dare I ask what people are 'speculating' about?"
Jessica shook her head. "Probably better you don't know. But I was down in Central Booking with Jim the other day and heard part of the show. I'm sure Casey or Liz told you about that?"
Alex blanched and studied her cuticles.
"Look, Alex, nobody believes anything he said. He was just playing a game of 'mine is bigger than yours' with a serial killer. We all know that. And I certainly haven't said anything to anyone, and I think Jim's too afraid you'll make good on your threat to transfer him to traffic court, so I wouldn't worry about it."
"Right. Well, it was bound to get out sooner or later. Either he takes the deal and allocutes, or it goes to trial and I testify. It goes on the public record either way. Anyway, Jessica, thank you for the flowers."
"They were from everyone. No need to thank me."
"Well, I doubt it was Brian or Nick's idea. And I know Liz and Casey know better than to give my current address to Jim." Jessica laughed. "And it was your handwriting on the card. In any case, I appreciate the thought."
"I just…" Jessica reached out and touched her arm. "I know your personal life is none of my business, and I don't know much about it aside from you getting shot and then coming back to New York after three years, but I imagine it can't have been easy, even without this whole mess with your ex. I just thought you should know you have friends in the office. And… I know from personal experience how hard it can be to leave someone who hurts you."
Alex raised her eyebrow, and Jessica continued. "Not me, my mom. 32 years of marriage. They fight, he hits her, she swears that this time, she's going to leave, my brother defends him, he brings her flowers and apologizes, and it starts all over. I've stopped believing her and I'll only see her when he's not there, and she can't understand why."
"I saw a lot of that in SVU, and before, when I interned at women's shelters. Part of it is our parents were from a different generation. Divorce wasn't really an option, at least it wouldn't have been for my parents. Even breaking off an engagement… I'm sure my mother rolled over in her grave. She had very traditional ideas about marriage, and if she were still alive, I'm sure I'd be hearing about how I'm an old maid, and my biological clock is ticking, and I'd better hurry or all of the eligible bachelors would be snatched up. My parents loved each other in their own way, but she was definitely not a romantic. And when I told my father what happened, he asked me if I was sure I wanted to 'sully our family names' by reporting the 'misunderstanding,' because our families have known each other for years. I hung up on him, of course."
"Well, there are certainly plenty of people who think you did the right thing."
Alex nodded and smiled. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."
Jessica looked down at the meal she had almost finished. "Alex, can I ask you a personal question?"
Alex nodded. "I reserve the right not to answer, but you can ask."
"Was there ever anything between you and Jim?"
Alex snorted and burst into laughter. "Only in his dreams!"
"It's just… there were rumors last year," Jessica said.
She rolled her eyes. "Which he started, I'm sure. Jim has been trying to get in my pants since I started at the DA's office 8 years ago. Nothing has ever - or will ever - happen between us. Not for his lack of trying. But he's definitely not my type, so don't worry - I won't steal him from you."
Jessica choked on her water.
"Don't look so shocked. I know you've been sleeping with him. Just like I know Christina's been sleeping with Brian. I have eyes and ears too, you know. And big glass windows in my office, through which I can see all the flirting." Alex winked.
"So if Jim's not your type, who is?" Jessica asked, hoping she could get away with another personal question.
Alex leaned back in the booth and smiled enigmatically as she contemplated the woman in front of her. I've spent enough time pretending to be someone I'm not. And even if I don't start dating right away, it's not like I'm going to stay in the closet. "A woman, actually," she said quietly. A raised eyebrow was the only indication Jessica had heard her. "I may have had an epiphany this week. But please keep this between us for now… I'm not keeping it a secret, but it's going to be a while before I'm ready to be dating anyone again."
Jessica nodded. "Of course. But I want to be there when Jim finds out. I want to see his face."
Alex laughed. "Deal. Now, let's see what you've got on the Montgomery case."
They stayed for another hour, drinking coffee and going over the case file, with Alex giving Jessica some tips on cross-examining the defense's witnesses and getting the defendant riled up if he decided to take the stand.
"You're going to be really good at this, you know. You're almost there. You'll have defense attorneys shaking in their boots in no time," Alex commented, and Jessica smiled as she made some final notes in the case file. Her boss apparently wasn't as cold and detached as she'd been led to believe. As they finished up, Alex checked her messages. "Guess I'm going back to the office anyway. Apparently Liz wants to see me when I'm done with you."
"Maybe he's decided to take the deal."
"I hope so. Deadline's this afternoon." Alex signed the credit card receipt, waving Jessica's money away. "It's on me."
"Thank you," Jessica said, putting her wallet away.
They exchanged some idle gossip on the short walk back to the office, and Alex stopped and turned to face Jessica just as they arrived at the building. "Listen, Jessica, I know what they call me around the office—" she waived her hand when Jessica opened her mouth to protest. "I've been called worse, believe me. I… When I was away… Let's just say it's hard to make friends when you can't even tell people your real name. And I've pretty much sucked at being friendly since I've gotten back, too. So, what I mean to say, is thank you for your kindness. I really do appreciate it.
Jessica reached out and squeezed Alex's hand. "Really, Alex, no thanks necessary. And just so you know, I never bought the 'Ice Princess' thing, and neither did Christina. Anyway, thanks for lunch, and I hope it goes your way this afternoon.
Alex smiled politely and gave her a quick nod before they got on the elevator and she pressed the button for Liz's floor. She found Casey was already there, and Liz motioned for her to sit down in one of the comfortable guest chairs, putting down her pen and folding her arms to look directly at Alex across the desk.
"Robert has agreed to take the deal, but only if he can speak with you alone," Liz stated, looking back and forth between Casey and Alex.
"Okay. Let's go," Alex said, standing up and picking up her purse from the floor.
"Are you sure?" Liz asked.
Alex nodded. "He'll be restrained and he'll go to jail afterwards. He can't hurt me anymore. If me going there will get him to take the deal and put this behind us, I'm going to do it."
"Alright. Let's go, then." Liz gathered up the paperwork and called Lionel Granger to meet them at the SVU squadroom, while Casey sent a text to Olivia.
Alex waited in the observation room with Liz and Casey while Munch brought in Robert and cuffed him to the table.
"I'm going in with you," Liz said, leaving no room for debate. "He can talk to you alone if you want after he signs the paperwork. I don't want him pulling a fast one on us."
Alex nodded. "But Liz, once I'm alone with him, turn off the speaker, okay? Whatever it is he has to say is between him and me."
Robert smiled as they walked in the door, Liz first, with Alex in tow. "Alexandra," he exhaled. "I missed you."
"Save it, Robert." Alex motioned towards Liz. "Sign the papers for the deal, then you've got 2 minutes to say whatever it is you want to say to me."
"My lawyer tells me there's no way I'll be acquitted in trial and this is my only chance for getting out of jail. I'm sorry you feel like you have to do this to me, Alexandra."
"You did this to yourself, Robert. Now you can sign the papers and take the 8 years, or we'll leave and you'll get 25 after you're convicted."
"Mr. Sheldon, I suggest you sign the papers. Alex has agreed to subject herself to you privately after you finish." Liz glared at him.
"Alexandra, I'll sign the documents. I'll even sign the part about giving up my rights if you're pregnant. I just want you to promise me that you won't abort my child. That you won't kill an innocent child for my mistakes."
"First of all, rape is hardly a mistake. It's a Class A felony. Second of all, the law doesn't allow me to make a deal that imposes conditions on the victim of a crime," Liz snapped.
Alex put up her hand in a 'stop' gesture. "Robert, there is no child. It's entirely possible that I could be pregnant and not yet know it. If I were pregnant as a result of the rape, it would be a blastocyst. Even if I had gotten pregnant several days before the rape, it might be a zygote. Either way, it wouldn't be a child, it would be a blob of cells." Alex explained.
"A living blob of cells with a heartbeat that would become my child. Are you carrying my child, Alexandra?"
"No, I'm not carrying any child. And who do you think you are to think I would share any information about my health with you?"
"Someone who loves you. Someone you used to love."
"I didn't love you, Robert. And you don't love me, either. I heard the tape. You want to own me. You think I belong to you, that I'm something pretty to look at, to have hanging on your arm at a cocktail party and to give you blow jobs and sex and have as many babies as you wanted. That's not me, Robert. Women are not toys to take to work events and to bed. We get to say no to sex when we're tired or not in the mood and to getting pregnant when we're not ready. We're people, Robert. I'm a person, with thoughts, and feelings, and desires that I bet you know absolutely nothing about.
"I thought you were better than this, Robert, but the truth is, we don't know each other at all. I didn't know you were capable of wanting to control me. I didn't know that what you cared about most was money, and status, and easy access to sex. I'm sorry I didn't know these things, because if I had known, this never would have happened - I never would have gotten involved with you, and you never would have raped me. But I'm not sorry that I reported it, like I've encouraged so many women to do throughout the years, or that it got me out of your life and back in touch with my friends.
"Robert, you've dug your own hole. Now do the right thing, and sign the papers, so you can go to allocution and put this behind us." Alex folded her hands on the table and looked across at her former fiancé, her hard stare softening as he took the pen and signed the forms.
Liz took the pen and the papers back and put them in her briefcase, motioning at Lionel for them to get up and leave Alex alone for the promised two minutes of privacy.
"I'm sorry, Alexandra," Robert said, frowning at her. "I truly am. I never meant to hurt you."
She studied him intently for a minute. "You're not sorry, Robert. You're sorry that I reported it, and that there's enough evidence to land you in jail, and that you ruined your life. But you're not sorry about what you did. I've put hundreds of rapists in jail, and none of them ever think they've done anything except take something that was owed to them. Rape is about power and control, which you thought you had over me. You don't. And you'll spend the next 8 years having no power or control over your own life. If the boys at Rikers think you're pretty enough, you might even find out what it's like not to have control over your own body. You just lost it, and I'm just getting it back."
Alex stood up and looked at Robert defiantly, before stalking out the door without turning around.
"Alexandra…" he called after her. "I didn't get to say what I wanted! You have to listen to me! You promised!" but she was already in the observation room, and Granger was back with his client.
Alex was relieved to find Olivia had joined Liz and Casey in the observation room, and grinned at her when she walked in. Liz and Casey offered brief hugs, but it was Olivia who wrapped her arms around Alex and held her tight.
"That was amazing, Lex," she whispered in Alex's ear. "I'm so proud of you."
"Were you here the whole time?" Alex asked, pulling away.
"I got here right around 'blastocyst.' You're such a lawyer, you know that?" Olivia pushed Alex lightly on the arm.
Alex shrugged. "Hey, I didn't lie to him. He didn't ask me if I was pregnant, he asked me if I was 'carrying his child.' And since it's not a child… Although I wouldn't have been bound to tell him the truth if he'd asked me outright. There's nothing in the evidence to confirm or deny the contents of my uterus. And he has no right to know."
"I called Moredock and he's waiting in his chambers for allocution. He agreed to do it there and seal the file rather than in open court." Casey said. "We can go as soon as everyone's ready."
Munch and Fin took that as their cue to escort the prisoner, and the women went to the elevator to get a head start.
They were already seated in Judge Moredock's chambers when Munch and Fin escorted Robert and Lionel Granger in. Alex gripped Olivia's hand as they sat on the couch in the back of the office. Normally, their presence wouldn't be required, but Alex wanted to see it through sentencing.
Moredock smiled at Alex and winked as he took the file from Liz and began to read the plea agreement.
"Objection!" Lionel Granger practically jumped out of his seat. "I request Your Honor recuse himself from this proceeding. You clearly have a personal relationship with the victim, and are incapable of being impartial in this matter."
"Save it, Counselor," Moredock glared at him. "You'd be hard-pressed to find any judge in New York who doesn't know and like Ms. Cabot. However, it is my understanding that my role is simply to validate a plea agreement that has already been signed by the defendant. Therefore, even if I admitted to not being impartial, my bias would not influence this proceeding. Your objection is overruled."
Alex turned her head away from Granger and smirked.
"Mr. Sheldon, you have agreed to plead Guilty on one count each of Rape 1 and Sexual Misconduct. Is that correct?"
"Yes, Your Honor," Robert answered, looking at his feet.
"As part of the plea agreement, you must allocute to your crimes. Can you please explain the events that led to you being charged with Rape?" Moredock asked.
Alex entwined her fingers with Olivia's and gripped her hand as tightly as she could, while Olivia discreetly rubbed small circles on her back. "Breathe, sweetie," Olivia whispered in her ear when she realized Alex was holding her breath.
"Last Friday night, I called my fiancée, Alexandra Cabot, to tell her that I was staying late at a work dinner, so she would come home early. I did have a dinner meeting, but planned to go home first. It was my intention to make love to my fiancée before the meeting, and again when I returned. About 15 minutes after I called her, I called the office again to ensure that she'd left. When I arrived home, she was in the bathtub, listening to music and drinking a glass of wine. She didn't hear me come in, and I watched for about 10 minutes as she read what I later found to be an erotic novel. She was using a vibrator on herself.
"I became aroused while watching her and told her she was hot, then went over to pull her out of the tub and kiss her. Her wine glass fell, and so did her vibrator and her book, and I took them and brought her to bed. We always made love in the dark, under the covers, and I put her on top of the covers and tied her to the headboard with my tie so she wouldn't be shy. She told me she didn't want to have sex with me and that I shouldn't force her. I told her I wanted to make love to her all night. She was more aroused than she'd ever been, and I pried her legs apart and pleasured her over and over, which she hadn't let me do before. I was angry when she told me she'd been faking orgasms throughout our whole relationship.
"After I pleasured her, we had sex. When I was finished, I had to get dressed to go back out to dinner, but I wanted to get her excited for when I came back. I read to her from her book of lesbian porn, and used her vibrator on her. Then I untied her, and I noticed she was crying. I kissed her, and told her I was looking forward to making love again when I got back.
"I left, and when I got back, I found her ring and a note saying that she'd pick up her stuff later in the week. I was confused about why she left after good sex and called her and her family to locate her."
"And you admit that you forced Ms. Cabot to have sex against her will?" Moredock asked.
"Yes, Your Honor," Robert stated.
"Are the People satisfied with the defendant's allocution on this charge?"
"Yes, Your Honor," Liz replied. "The People would now like to hear the defendant allocute to the charge of Sexual Misconduct, for reproductive coercion."
"During our engagement, Alexandra and I discussed the possibility of having children, and she was reluctant to discuss a timeline, but seemed open to the idea. My mother suggested to me that an unexpected pregnancy might encourage her. So I did some research, and found a company that made sugar pills that looked like the brand of birth control pills she took. I verified that the pills contained no dangerous ingredients that might affect an unborn child, ordered some, and replaced the packets in her medicine cabinet. I hid the actual packets in my sock drawer, where they were uncovered by the police. She took the sugar pills instead of the actual pills, believing them to be real."
"How long ago did this begin?"
"About 6 months ago, not long after our engagement." Robert stated.
"And did pregnancy result?" Moredock asked.
"The People are not aware of any pregnancy at this time; however, the defendant has signed an agreement forfeiting his rights to any child Ms. Cabot may have conceived as a result of his actions." Liz stated.
"Are the People satisfied by the defendant's allocution?"
"We are, Your Honor."
Moredock reviewed the plea agreement before him. "This court finds the violence and deception perpetrated by the defendant in the context of what was supposed to be a loving relationship based on mutual trust and respect to be reprehensible. On multiple occasions, the defendant knowingly and purposefully violated the victim's body autonomy; once through physical violence, and repeatedly by obfuscating her knowledge of the medicine and chemicals she consumed. Rape in itself is a violent crime; deliberately removing a person's right to control the medical treatment she receives may not be physically violent, but is a dangerous manifestation of control and of sexual abuse.
"The plea agreement sentences you to 10-15 years for the count of Rape 1, and 2 years for the count of Sexual Misconduct. I hereby sentence the defendant to no less than 15 years on the count of rape, and no less than 2 years on the count of sexual misconduct, sentences to be served consecutively.
"In addition, the plea specifies that Mr. Sheldon will make a donation to the rape crisis charity of the victim's choice. Having reviewed the defendant's financial documents, I order him to direct his accountant to make a donation of no less than $10 million within 30 days of the victim selecting a charity. The court further orders that the defendant's parental rights be severed and a trust with no less than $10 million be established for the minor child if the victim bears the defendant's child, pending a paternity test.
"Finally, the court orders the contents of the investigation and the defendant's allocution sealed to the public record, to preserve the privacy and identity of the victim, who is a public figure. The defendant is hereby remanded to the custody of the Department of Corrections, which will return him to Rikers Island to carry out the remainder of his sentence."
Moredock banged his gavel, and Munch and Fin escorted Robert and his attorney out.
Alex let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, and collapsed back into Olivia. "It's over, Lex," Olivia soothed, still rubbing her back. "It's over. You never have to see him again."
Moredock looked out the door to verify that Granger wasn't lurking around, and brought a cup of water over to Alex. "Drink this," he offered, and Alex took it with a shaking hand.
"Thank you, Your Honor," Alex sputtered once she had taken a few sips of water.
"No need to thank me, Alex. Just go home, relax this weekend, and figure out something good to do with that $10 million." He smiled kindly at her and Olivia. "Now, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. It's after 4 and I've got to get home to my wife." Moredock put on his coat and Olivia helped Alex up and threw the plastic cup in the trash.
Casey and Liz were waiting on a bench in the hall, and Alex hugged both of them tightly. "Thank you, both of you, for everything," Alex said enthusiastically.
"C'mon, Alex, let me take you girls out for a celebratory drink… or cupcake?" Liz offered, and Alex nodded.
Olivia and Casey begged off to go to the bathroom, and Liz smiled knowingly at Alex, leaning in to whisper conspiratorially, "So, what exactly is going on with you and Detective Benson?"
Alex was taken aback. "Nothing's going on between us," she sputtered quickly, rolling her eyes at Liz. "She's my friend. She's very supportive."
"I see." Liz brought her thumb to her chin to force a pensive look. "Well, in case you were wondering, I approve. I think she may actually be good enough for you." Liz picked up her briefcase and started walking towards the exit.