"So just to clarify," Sasuke said darkly, the back of his neck on fire, "you were planning to give me this on Christmas morning, in front of your parents."

He gestured to the little box in his lap, which contained the (best) raciest set of lingerie he'd ever seen, a condom, and a lewd suggestion in lieu of a Christmas card. Getting that through security had been sufficiently humiliating, but nothing next to the prospect of Kizashi Haruno seeing it himself. He knew Sakura was out of her mind in many respects, but this seemed excessive even for her.

"Oh, Sasuke, you're blushing!" she giggled, pointing to his flushed face like a bitch.

His eyes narrowed. What he wouldn't give to put her out of his misery. Would anyone notice if she mysteriously went missing at 30,000 feet?

The snow had let up overnight enough to allow flights to take off early in the morning. Which normally would be a huge relief (they'd get to have Christmas with the Harunos after all), but now that he knew Sakura's sexual intentions for him? He was more than ready to scrap their holiday plans and retreat to the safety and solitude of their apartment, to make sure that he was given what he was promised.

There was something distinctly unsexy about visiting your brand new girlfriend's parents. Specifically, her bodybuilder-esque father. That definitely put a damper on the festivities alluded to in Sakura's sexy Christmas gift. How was he supposed to cash in on his present if Mr. and Mrs. Haruno were constantly hovering over them?

"I wasn't going to give it to you right in front of them," she laughed, drawing his attention again.

"But you are gonna give it to me," Sasuke said wickedly, and he was rewarded with the sight of a fierce blush spreading across Sakura's cheeks instead of his own. She quickly turned away, suddenly deeply interested in the SkyMall magazine no one ever really read.

Despite the fact that he could now truthfully call Sakura his girlfriend to ward off creepy admirers instead of falsely doing it, nothing really felt momentously different between them. Maybe it was because they hadn't yet slept together. Either way, they teased each other and argued just like always, only now, there was the not-so-subtle promise of some serious action at some point, now that they'd made it official and now that she'd slipped him her panties in a Christmas box. If anything, it made the cat-and-mouse chase between them all the more thrilling, knowing what was at the end of the rainbow, but still unsure when they would reach it.

How in hell was he supposed to keep his hands to himself? This was awful timing. They had had a million opportunities to dig into each other over the past few months. Why now, when they were headed back to the house she was raised in, jealously guarded by her terrifying father, did she feel it was appropriate to give him the go-ahead?

Tease. Bitch.

"We'll land in Suna in a few minutes," Sakura said, checking her watch. "Mom and Daddy said they'd be waiting at our terminal to pick us up, they're really really excited."

"You still call your father 'Daddy?'" Sasuke sneered.

"We've been over this. Girls don't have to outgrow calling their fathers 'Daddy.' So fuck off, you Smurf."

"Only little babies say 'Daddy.' So I guess that makes you a little baby."

"And you're sexually attracted to me," she retorted without missing a beat, not even looking up from her nails. "So what does that make you?"

"Tch. Are they pissed about the delay?"

"Daddy's raging," Sakura sighed. "Mom told me she had to keep him from driving up to Konoha overnight to make sure we were alive. But they're happy we're still going there for a few days. It's better than nothing. Oh, and you'll get the guest room; it's even nicer than my bedroom. Mom's been cleaning it out all week, and nagging the shit out of me trying to figure out what foods you like while you're with us."

Sasuke felt a twinge of guilt burgeoning beneath his sudden swell of happiness. Here he was, focusing on all the ways his inconvenient sexual green light would interfere with his holiday celebration, when he now had the opportunity to spend time with a real, true family on Christmas, one who had readily and wholly welcomed him in without knowing shit about him. He was being ungrateful for this opportunity, when he should really be soaking every minute of it in.

They're going to all kinds of trouble to make me feel like one of them, he thought, unable to suppress his small Sasuke smile at the thought of a mother and father figure waiting for him at the airport. And that's…that's pretty awesome.

He wasn't sure how receptive they would be to the news that he and Sakura were, as of Christmas Eve, officially dating. Perhaps their acceptance of him was contingent upon his relationship with Sakura never venturing past the realm of 'platonic.' The thought made him uneasy.

Almost as uneasy as the fact that he actually, truly, and genuinely craved their approval. When he'd met them weeks ago, he'd introduced himself out of respect and would have been more than happy ignoring them forever after that; but after spending time with them, and talking to them on the phone (Kizashi was surprisingly chatty), and seeing how much their daughter adored them, he couldn't help but, albeit selfishly, want in on that dynamic.

It occurred to him, as unappealing as the notion was, that maybe he might consider asking their permission.

What a stupid idea, he scoffed, folding his arms. I don't need their permission to do anything. I'm a grown ass man, aren't I?

"So how d'you think we should tell them about us?" Sakura asked, maybe reading his mind in that creepy, terrifying way of hers. She looked frustratingly relaxed about the whole situation. Maybe he was the only one stressing about it because he was the only one at risk for a complete penis-ectomy if Kizashi disapproved.

"Who says we have to?" he asked, like a true coward, but the mental image of what her father would do to him if he decided he didn't want him with Sakura was petrifying.

"What's the word I'm thinking of?" Sakura mused. "It starts with 'P' and rhymes with 'wussy'…incidentally it means the same thing…ummm…"

"No way they'll let me date you," Sasuke said flatly, ignoring her nasty little remark. "So we just pretend like nothing's happening."

"You realize that will never work, right? I'm sure they already know."

"How would they?"

"How many girls bring home a teenage boy for Christmas without actually dating them?"

"Tch. You did. None of this even started till last night, as far as you knew, we were just friends."

Sakura's expression became surprisingly sweet as she said, uncharacteristically shyly, "I don't think we were ever just friends, Sasuke."

He smirked. Okay, maybe she had a point.

"DADDY!" Sakura squealed, dropping her bags to the floor without a care in the world. Sasuke rolled his eyes and picked them up for her as she sprinted with astonishing grace, considering the three-inch heels she was wearing, across the terminal, catapulting herself into her father's arms. "Hi, Daddy, Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Princess!" returned Kizashi with a booming laugh, spinning his daughter around in the air like she was three.

Okay, Sasuke knew he was an uptight dickhead most of the time, but that was easily one of the most adorable things he'd ever seen and he felt no shame in admitting that to himself.

"Thank goodness you're all right, dear!" added Mebuki Haruno, seizing Sakura into a bone-crushing hug the moment her father released her. "What terrible weather you had to face. Just a nightmare. We're so glad you could make it, though! And you, too, Sasuke! Welcome to Suna!"

She flung an arm and snatched Sasuke by the collar of his jacket, hauling him into their hug. Surprised by the overly-affectionate gesture, he stumbled a bit and returned the embrace a bit awkwardly. Even more so, when Kizashi threw his arms around all three of them.

A group hug. A family hug. A…

Suffocating hug.

"Thanks," he mumbled when they all broke apart. "Nice to see you again," he added, remembering his manners.

"You too, dear," said Mebuki warmly. "Merry Christmas! We have everything all ready for you back at the house, I hope you'll feel comfortable in the guest room. It's really warm here, I hope you're prepared for that, our winters are always very mild. If you two get bored, you might be interested in the pool out back…"

"You have a pool?" Sasuke asked, his jaw nearly dropping. From what he knew of Sakura, she came from a middle-class family, not the kind of people who would be wealthy enough for a swimming pool.

"Oh, it's not ours," Mebuki laughed. "We share a fence with Ino's family. They have a pool. But what're we doing just standing here? Come on, come on, let's get home! We'll get some breakfast in you. Tell me all about your semester, you two! How were your finals?"

It was easy to see where Sakura got her motor mouth from; her mother certainly could talk. But Sasuke was in such good spirits all of a sudden, he didn't mind in the slightest. Instead, he shouldered Sakura's bags in addition to his own and followed the Harunos out of Suna Airport.

Instantly, he was struck by the humidity outside. It was the last thing he'd been expecting, even knowing that Suna's temperatures were warm yearround; it hit him in the face like a bowling ball. In the leather jacket and jeans he was wearing, he suddenly felt overdressed.

"Don't worry, kid," said Kizashi with a wink. "We've got air conditioning at home."

Fuckin hope so, Sasuke thought, squinting against the sun as he followed Sakura and her parents to their car. Jesus. It's hot as hell here.

It was nothing like the freezing, snowy, dismal weather in Konoha, which he had now adjusted to. The prospect of stealing a swim in Ino's family pool was starting to look a whole lot more appealing.

They managed to fit all their luggage in the trunk of the unpretentious powder blue Accord parked in the parking lot and Sasuke slid in the backseat beside Sakura, who was chattering away at a million miles a minute all about her first semester.

"And my internship, it's amazing, Dr. Tsunade is amazing and she teaches me all this amazing stuff and I'm learning so much and my job, it's really not that amazing but it's amazing how much money I can make in one night, like, you have no idea, it's…"

"Amazing?" offered Sasuke dryly.

"Exquisite," Sakura corrected, and he rolled his eyes.

"And how about you, Sasuke?" asked Mebuki warmly from the front seat, catching his eye in the rearview mirror. "How did your classes go?"

"Oh, fine."

"Look at what Sasuke got me for Christmas!" Sakura said giddily, thrusting her arm between the front seats to show off her bracelet. "Isn't it gorge? It's not like typical terrible boy-bought, heart-shaped jewelry. Sasuke's got excellent taste. He only goes for the best."

Sasuke smirked; arrogant little bitch.

"Oh, it's lovely!" Mebuki whistled, admiring the white gold. "Look at it, dear, isn't it beautiful?"

"I'm driving, Mebuki."

They sounded so much like himself and Sakura – him concentrating sullenly on the road, Sakura distracted by absolutely everything – that he almost couldn't believe it. Sakura was so much like her mother personality-wise, and even if he wasn't sure where she got her looks from (she didn't seem to look anything like either one of the Harunos), he could tell from a mile away that she was her parents' daughter.

"So here's the plan, kids," said Kizashi cheerfully from the driver's seat, turning down a cute little road peppered with palm trees. "We'll get you guys settled in, have some breakfast, and open our presents. I hope you paid attention when Daddy told you what he wanted, Princess."

"I did, I did," Sakura giggled.

"What did you get Sasuke for Christmas, sweetheart?" asked Mebuki. "Hopefully something nice, considering how much money he must've forked over for that bracelet of yours…"

Sasuke thought to the scarlet lingerie in a box in one of his bags, and pointedly avoided looking at anyone.

"A sweater," Sakura replied without missing a beat. It was a little unsettling how well she could lie. "And a few other things I'm sure he'll like."

He felt her fingers brush innocently against his knee, and twisted away from her, fighting to tamp down the rush of adrenaline that always seemed to accompany her touch. This was absolutely not the time for her to be teasing him.

But she wouldn't be Sakura if she didn't do all the right things at all the wrong times.

Sasuke's smirk was as close as it ever was to a smile.

He was sitting in the living room on a well-worn, overstuffed cream-colored sofa, surrounded by a thousand presents from Mr. and Mrs. Haruno. Clearly Sakura had been pumping them full of gift ideas for weeks, because they'd known his exact shirt size, his favorite color, which brand of baseball cleats he'd been eyeing, and a freezer full of frozen meat, with the somewhat guilty explanation that they knew Sakura wouldn't ever buy meat for him willingly, and it had to come from somewhere.

It was very different from the Christmases he'd spent with his own family way back when. The Harunos were much louder, teased each other ruthlessly, played Christmas music during the present-opening ceremony, called back and forth and laughed like crazy; the Uchihas, he recalled, were much more formal about the whole affair. They went to church first thing in the morning, and when they came back home, they opened their presents in a neat, orderly fashion, no loud noises or sudden movements or anything.

He wouldn't compare them because they were two very different families, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't find the loose, comfortable atmosphere at the Haruno household refreshing.

"Sasuke and I got you this one, Daddy!" said Sakura happily, handing over a long, thin box and returning to her seat on the floor, drowning in a sea of her own presents.

"This better be what I asked for," said Kizashi with exaggerated sternness. "Oi, Mebuki, hand me a cookie, will you? This present calls for a cookie."

"Spoiled rotten brat," giggled his wife, passing over a plate of fresh-baked cookies. "Eat some, Sasuke! You look emaciated."

Typical mother, Sasuke mused fondly, reaching for a cookie even if he didn't really jive with sweets, just to appease her.

Kizashi sat in his favored plush red armchair as he was handed his next present, and he ripped the paper like an animal, eager to get to the treasure inside. When he saw what it was, his eyes lit up like a child's, and he held his brand new toy aloft for all to see.

"Damn good job, both of you!" he thundered. "Exactly the bat I've been looking for."

Sasuke smirked and returned Sakura's giddy high-five. He'd picked the bat out himself, knowing his dopey roommate would get the wrong thing.

"See this, Mebuki? This is a man's baseball bat. Wood finish, good strong handle, nice bindings. Good for a lot of things. Smashing the covers off balls, for sure. But do you know why I like this kind of bat, Sasuke? Do you know why this kind of bat is my favorite?"

"No, why?" he asked.

Kizashi's warm, friendly smile evolved into something menacing in the span of an instant. He shared his daughter's frightening temper, as his smile vanished and his eyes narrowed into slits of pure malice.

"This bat is for beating the brains out of anyone who hurts my little girl," he said coldly.

Sasuke's blood turned to ice, and he nearly choked on the oatmeal raisin cookie Mebuki guilted him into eating. The atmosphere in the room changed completely as Sasuke realized what was going on.

Kizashi had gotten him to buy a baseball bat as a gift, when really it was going to be a weapon used against him.

That's fucked up, he thought, glancing at Sakura out of the corner of his eyes to gauge her reaction. So that's where Sakura gets it from. That's like back in olden days, when the dad would make a bad kid go outside and find a bunch of sticks, then he'd have to give the sticks over and the dad would beat him with 'em. Jesus shit.

"Make no mistake here, kid," Kizashi said darkly. "I'm a father first and a friend second, and if you so much as think about making my daughter cry, I'm gonna take this bat – it's a fine one, by the way, great choice – and I'm gonna smash the shit out of your skull until there's nothing left of you. Do you understand me?"

"Y-Yes sir," Sasuke choked, humiliated at how terrified he sounded but unable to do anything about it.

"Daddy!" Sakura gasped.

"Kizashi, knock it off," Mebuki snapped. "You know he's not gonna hurt Sakura. Right, Sasuke?"

"Right."

"Just making sure," said Kizashi, and then he smiled again, and the menace in the room was nothing more than a memory. "So you ready for baseball season this year? Looks like Coach Izumo's got his hands full with such a young team. New blood. Hard to train."

"I think…it'll be a great season," Sasuke said slowly, trying to relax his racing heart. "We're young, but we're good. Lot of good prospects. I'm dating your daughter."

Silence again. All eyes turned to Sasuke, shocked at what he'd just admitted, but none more so than Sasuke himself.

Are you serious?! He thought, furious with himself for blowing the whistle. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

"I…I mean…"

"Sasuke what are you doing?" squeaked Sakura, eyes wide.

Sasuke sighed, then tried again. At least if Kizashi killed him, he'd die happy on Christmas Day, surrounded by a family and all the frozen meat he'd been deprived of since August.

"I mean, I asked Sakura to be my girlfriend last night. And…and I realize this is all kind of out of order and it's got to be…I mean…look, you guys are really nice people and I want to be upfront with you, because your daughter's crazy but I still really like her and I hope you're okay with her being with me."

There.

That was as close to gentlemanly as Sasuke was ever going to get. It wasn't so much requesting permission from Sakura's parents to date her – if he were asking her to marry him, it might be different – but he was also acknowledging that he liked both of them, and wanted them to be happy with the arrangement.

Mebuki spoke first.

"You mean…you haven't been dating all along?"

"No, ma'am," Sasuke replied, a bit surprised that that was what took her so off balance.

"Took you long enough!" laughed Kizashi, and Sasuke just stared with his mouth open. Really? They were shocked not that he'd made it official with Sakura, btu because it had taken him so long to do so?

"Of course we're okay with it, silly boy," cooed Mebuki, dancing over to where he sat and kissing him fondly on the forehead. "You think we go to all this trouble for any random boy who sniffs around our daughter?"

"Shoulda seen her back in high school," chuckled Kizashi, leaning back in his armchair and taking a sip of cocoa. "Had to peel the boys off her with a shovel. She's been a real fucking nightmare to live with, how many douchebags she attracts."

"I know the feeling," Sasuke muttered with a sour glare in Sakura's direction.

"And up till now, no guy's had balls enough to look me in the eye and tell me his intentions. So far as I can tell, you look out for my girl, you take care of her and you don't let her get away with all her shit the way any other dumbass kid would."

"Daddy!"

"Welcome to the family, kid," Kizashi said with a laugh. "No turning back now."

Sasuke sighed. I will never be able to figure out any single one of these nutass Harunos, he thought, shaking his head.

"I can't believe they're so cool with it!" Sakura said, swimming up to him and pinning him against the side of the pool, her bare curves pressed tantalizingly close to his skin. "I mean, yeah, Daddy threatened your life and everything but besides that, they're so chill!"

"Yeah," Sasuke ground out, finding it hard to concentrate on anything with the way she was wrapping herself around him like a second skin.

Ino's pool was fucking great. He didn't know how he'd missed it the last time he'd been to Suna, but he'd gotten pretty wasted that time; he hadn't even realized Sakura's house was just behind Ino's. No wonder they'd grown up as best friends. Sasuke would be best friends with anyone who had a kickass pool in a hotass city like Suna.

Sakura was wearing a skimpy little bikini and seemed to have no qualms about rubbing up on him in the water, even knowing that her father (and his baseball bat) were only a few yards away. And while the cool water was a great escape from the agonizing humidity, seeing a soaking wet Sakura dressed in almost nothing was making him hotter than ever.

"Do you like it here?" she asked, leaning in to kiss his neck.

Okay, now she was just being mean.

"It's hot," he managed, less about the weather and more about Sakura doing that to his throat.

"You're hot," she murmured, sucking on his pulse point; he hissed in response and his hands flew to her waist, digging into her hipbones.

"Sakura I'm warning you now."

"Does this mean you're not interested in your Christmas present?" she asked innocently, her eyes flashing a devilish fire as her lips quirked into a pout. "Sorry, Sasuke, no returns."

His eyes narrowed. Two could play at that game.

"The second we get home," he snapped, "you're putting on those fucking panties, just so I can fucking take them off. But in the meantime, while we're here, with your parents, if you keep this up," he referred to the subtle way she was grinding her hips against his under the water, "I'm gonna shoot you."

Sakura didn't seem to heed his warning, at all. Not that she ever listened to him, really. Instead, she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "They go to sleep around eleven. I can sneak into your room after that."

YES! His mind screamed.

"Absolutely not," he snarled. "Get off me, you little skank."

It was hard enough – no pun intended – to cope with his wildfire need to have Sakura while he was here with her parents. She didn't need to aggravate the situation by throwing herself at him.

"And what's this about peeling all those guys off you?" he demanded.

Sakura sighed, rolled her eyes, and stopped trying to grind up on him. "So a couple of guys came by the house tryna get with me. So what."

"A couple?"

"Like, no more than thirty. You're seriously overreacting."

"So you've always been as naïve as you were back then. Good to know."

"And you've always been as irrationally jealous so I guess we're even, aren't we? You know I didn't do anything with those guys. You know that all these goodies up in here is for you, yafeelme? I mean, I'd LOVE for you to feel me for real, but noooo. Virgin Sasuke-kins is afwaid of big bad Sakuwa's T and A."

You have no idea how hard you're gonna pay for this later on, he thought grimly.

"I'm glad you're here, Sasuke," Sakura said suddenly, and her playful, coquettish attitude was replaced with one of sweet sincerity. She shook soaking wet pink bangs out of her eyes and smiled up at him. "I mean it. I really wanted you to have a good Christmas and I know my parents can't replace yours or anything, but…I'm really glad you're here with me today."

Sasuke's irritation cooled instantly, and he pulled her in close enough to kiss her.

"Thank you," he murmured, not quite sure what he was thanking her for. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Sasuke," she said sweetly.

Their (rare, fleeting) moment of coo-worthy affection was interrupted by a tall, looming shadow suddenly overtaking them, blocking out the sun; Sasuke looked up and to his horror, he saw Kizashi Haruno staring down at them, a baseball bat in one hand and a familiar, tiny box in the other.

"I really hate to break up this little lovefest," he said, his voice promising murder, "but would you mind explaining what the fuck this is?"

He tossed the box into the water, and as Sasuke and Sakura stared with wide, doomed eyes at the damning evidence, a lacy lingerie set, a racy card, and a solitary, unused condom floated incriminatingly to the surface.

note.. ho. lee. shit. you guys blew me right the fuck away with all the reviews for last chapter. like, where have you all BEEN all my life?! i can't even tell you how thrilled i was to hear from so many of you. made me week, it really did. (i don't suppose we can make it an encore?)

thank you all so so much for sticking around. i know i'm a pain in the ass so i appreciate you tolerating me.

holla at me! keeps me writing!

xoxoxo daisy :)