Chapter 25
Monday...
Tim watched Ducky leave for work. Neither of them had talked about it, but both of them had Gibbs' return to NCIS on their minds. Tim resolved not to say anything about it and if Ducky didn't agree, he allowed Tim to continue on that track for the moment.
But as soon as he was alone in the house, Tim couldn't help but wonder how Gibbs was feeling, how the others were feeling, how people would react to his return. Would they all just accept that Gibbs was back without wondering whether or not he deserved to be back? Would there be awkwardness? Would they be happy to have him back? Would Abby be happy to have him back? Did he even care?
"Yes. I care. I want to know."
...but what did he want the answers to be? That much Tim couldn't say. He didn't know.
Suddenly, his phone rang. He looked at the display and saw that it was his parents. He winced. He couldn't ignore them again. They'd really start to worry.
"Hi," he said.
"Tim! Thank goodness. Your dad and I have been contemplating coming down to DC just to make sure you were all right."
"I'm not," Tim said, deciding just to get it out.
"What's wrong?"
"What isn't wrong?" Tim asked, hearing the bitterness he'd been trying so hard to deny infusing his voice...and for the first time, he let himself lay out everything all at once with the kind of anger he hadn't expressed before. He just couldn't care anymore about being diplomatic, being the good guy, keeping calm. He was angry and hurt and depressed and he didn't have it in him to hide that from his mother. "My wife cheated on me. My friend thought I was abusing her. My boss punched me out...gave me a concussion which led to a hematoma which could have killed me and I had a seizure; so I'm not allowed to drive for the next six months. I'm currently living with Ducky because he's the only person who believed me and I'm wondering if everything I thought I had was all a big...fat...lie." By the end of the list, Tim was near tears.
There was a shocked silence.
"...so...how are you?" Tim asked.
"Tim...how long has this been...?"
"Over a month. At first, I was trying to...Abby and I were trying to...work things out privately, but that just...imploded and...and everything has...it's...I'm feeling really crappy, Mom."
"I'm sorry, Tim. I'm sorry that things are going so badly. Is there anything we can do?"
"Not...Not that I can think of right now."
"Are you and Abby–?"
"We're not getting a divorce...at least...not right now. I'm...at Ducky's because I needed some...space to think about everything that's happened. He's been really nice about it. Tony and Ziva are trying to apologize for what they thought about me."
"And Agent Gibbs?"
"I don't know. I haven't really talked to him since he hit me. Other things on my mind and...and I don't know what to say to him. I don't even know what to think. ...but I'm mad about it...and I'm depressed about it...and...I keep hoping it's a nightmare and I can wake up."
"But it's not."
"No. It's not."
"Okay...so what do you want from us? Do you want us to come down there? Do you want to come up here?"
Tim thought about both options before shaking his head. "No. No, I don't. I can't run away from all this because I won't come back if I do. ...and I don't think there's much I can ask of you right now."
"Physically?"
"I'm getting better. I still have headaches and I'm being careful. It's hard to read for long periods of time still, but I'm getting better and my doctor thinks that I'll make a full recovery."
"Tim, I'm really sorry about all this. No one should have to go through what you're going through."
"I agree," Tim said and swallowed the lump in his throat. "It sucks."
"I wish I could be there...if only to give you a hug."
"I don't think that would fix things."
"No, but I think you might feel a little better...even if it was only for a few seconds."
Tim laughed. "Maybe you're right...but for now...I think it's best if you and Dad just stay in Ohio."
"Okay. You're not alone?"
"Well, I am right now, but I'm staying with Ducky. He's been really great. I'm not going through it alone."
"And Agent Gibbs?"
"I'm staying away from him...for now."
"But not permanently?"
"No. I'm going back. I'm not going to let this ruin what I want."
"Don't mistake false bravado for perseverance, okay?"
"I won't. I really do want to go back. I want to get back to my life as soon as I can...and NCIS is a big part of that...a part that I can't give up."
"All right. I'll trust you, but call us more often. You don't have to let us in on everything that's happening with Abby, but don't keep us in the dark. At least about your health."
Tim smiled. "I won't. I'll keep you in the loop."
"Good."
Tim talked with his mother for a few more minutes but then he hung up and sighed. He hated being stuck doing nothing. It just went against the grain for him.
...and his mind wandered back to NCIS.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Gibbs didn't show it, but he was more than a bit uncomfortable as he walked up the sidewalk to go back to work. It was ludicrous to think that anyone was unaware of his suspension and the basics of why the suspension had been given. It was hard to face.
Mostly because he didn't know what to expect. He didn't know what to expect from his team. He didn't know what to expect from the other people working there. He didn't know what to expect from Ducky or Abby. He felt as though he was walking into a raging river of unknown depths. He'd either be able to wade across or he'd be dragged under and drown.
Well, he wasn't going to find out which it was if he stayed out here. He'd never shown himself to be discomfitted by any situation before and he wasn't about to start now. With a deep breath, he walked into the building.
"Morning, Henry."
"Back, are you, Agent Gibbs?" Henry asked...not quite as jovial as he usually was.
"Yep."
"Thought you might have been fired."
"Yeah...me, too."
The made Henry look at him again. He seemed to relent slightly.
"Well, you're in the clear."
"Not really, but I'm back at work."
"Well, I don't know that anyone's going to hit you." A definite dig. Henry knew.
"Not likely. Might be easier, though." Gibbs headed off to the elevator.
The ride was not nearly long enough...even though he was going up an extra level to Vance's office. When he stepped off the elevator, he didn't look down at the bullpen, but he could feel eyes on him.
When he got into the outer office, Pamela gave him a perfunctory smile and called into the main office. She then nodded.
"You can go right in, Agent Gibbs."
Gibbs nodded and opened the door. Vance was there at his desk. He looked up.
"Have a seat, Agent Gibbs."
Gibbs sat down and waited without speaking as Vance apparently finished something important. Then, he looked up.
"Welcome back," he said.
"Really?" Gibbs asked.
Vance's expression hardened slightly.
"This is the first of many meetings between you and me, Agent Gibbs. Don't start antagonizing me now. I don't have the patience for it. We are going to go through the process that you and I will be following for the next six months. Hopefully, most of this will be mere routine."
"How is he?" Gibbs asked.
"I haven't seen him for a week or so. He was healing the last time I spoke with him...and we've invited him to our house for dinner...but that's not what this meeting is about, Agent Gibbs. This is about how you are going to get back to work."
Gibbs said nothing...but this time because he genuinely couldn't think of anything to say. Vance didn't dwell on the silence.
"First, you and I will have weekly meetings. At these meetings, we will discuss how you are perceiving your own leadership. I will have to observe you, particularly once Agent McGee returns, but I hope that will be a formality and nothing more."
That last sentence was also a warning. Again, Gibbs said nothing.
"Agent Gibbs?"
"Yes, Director?"
"Do you have anything to add?"
"When will Agent McGee be returning?" he asked.
"That's still uncertain. Another week or so, but when he does return, it will be desk duty only until cleared by his doctor. He also will be unable to drive for the next five months."
"Why?" Gibbs asked, startled by that.
"Because he had a seizure. The law requires that he go seizure-free for six months."
Gibbs swallowed. Vance didn't need to point out that this was his fault. He already knew it.
"I see."
"Do you?" Vance asked.
"Is that everything?" Gibbs asked.
"Do you have any questions?"
"No. We're back on regular duty?"
"Yes. I think Agent Weaver will be relieved to go back to her own team."
Gibbs smiled a little and stood up.
Vance stood as well. "Agent Gibbs?"
"Yes?"
"Your record here at NCIS is good, very good, but make no mistake, you fall out of line again, whether it's as bad as this was or not, you're done. No one is irreplaceable...and you're no exception. If Agent McGee had not expressed his desire to return to work under you, I would have had no problem with firing you. Don't you forget that."
"I won't." Gibbs didn't think it was possible that he could ever forget that he still had his job at NCIS because of Tim's generosity.
"Good. Dismissed."
Gibbs turned around and walked out of the office without looking back. He headed out to the main room and looked down over the bullpen. Tony and Ziva were there now. A few others looked up at him and then looked away. He took a breath and walked down the stairs, showing nothing of his own discomfort.
"Morning," he said gruffly when he got down to his desk.
Tony looked up. "Good morning...Boss," he said awkwardly. "How was the...vacation?"
"Fine."
"I am glad you are back, Gibbs," Ziva said. "I am tired of cold cases."
"Thanks. That's all you've been doing?"
"Yes. Lovitz' team was doing the MCRT duties."
Gibbs nodded and sat down at his desk. It was hard to figure out what to do. He'd never been gone for so long...except during his brief retirement...but he had come back on a happier note.
How much happier was it for everyone else?
The question surprised him. He'd never questioned that they were glad to have him back, but then, he looked over at Tony who was staring at his monitor again, and wondered. Tony had been team lead during his absence.
Was Tony actually happy to have me back? I essentially demoted him...and said nothing about it to him. Ever. He understood. ...didn't he?
Tony looked up.
"Yeah, Boss?" he asked.
Gibbs just grunted and looked back at the screen. He was saved from having to think of something by Lovitz coming over.
"Hey, Gibbs. Welcome back," he said. "We're in the middle of a case right now, but we're fine with you taking the next one. You need any updates?"
Gibbs almost said no, almost claimed that he could figure it out himself, but that would be a lie...and he could easily admit to needing some help without sounding stupid.
"I'd appreciate that," he said.
Tony and Ziva both looked over at him for a moment and then hid their surprise by staring back at whatever was so interesting on their computers. Gibbs got up and followed Lovitz to one of the conference rooms.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"...and so we're hoping to have a breakthrough once Abby gets through with the analysis. There was a hiccup with the machine yesterday and she had to wait for IT to get to it. Normally, she asks Agent McGee to..."
"Yeah."
Lovitz paused as if debating whether or not to address it.
"That was a real stupid thing you did, Gibbs."
"I know."
"Why? Why do it? You're a lot smarter than that."
"Guess I'm not."
"No. You can't get out of it so easy. You've lost the respect of almost everyone here. That might not bother you, but it should. You're the head of the MCRT at NCIS Headquarters. That carries some responsibility with it, whether you like it or not...more than just the cases. If you don't like it, then you shouldn't have the position you do. People have always looked up to you because you did your job, did it well. Now, you've punched out the least offensive member of your team? No one knows all the details, but they know enough to know that you were way out of bounds."
"I know."
"What are you going to do about it?"
"Get back to work."
Lovitz just shook his head, barely not rolling his eyes. "Well, that's all I have, Agent Gibbs. Next case that comes in is yours. You can...get back to work." He turned to leave.
Gibbs swallowed his pride...and it was very hard to do...and Lovitz was nearly out the door before he managed to get rid of it.
"Robert?"
"Yeah?"
"What do you suggest I do?"
Lovitz turned back.
"Well...I wouldn't recommend you try to make a speech." He smiled a little.
Gibbs smiled.
"Show that you've learned something, Gibbs. Show us that you're not looking at all this as a slap on the wrist and now things are back to normal. They're not. I know you pride yourself on being able to hide pretty much everything you're feeling. It does you credit in interrogation...but with the people you want on your side...you might want to think about letting some of it out. People will see if you're sincere and they'll know that you're taking this seriously."
"I am."
Lovitz smiled.
"You can't just say it. We have to see it."
"You including yourself?"
"Yeah, I am. Words are easy...even for you. Showing that you've learned something? That's harder...but you've got a shot at convincing me."
Then, he left the room. Gibbs sat at the table and thought about it. He'd known that there'd be some backlash from all this. He just hadn't considered it as being so deeply rooted as Lovitz had shown him it was. More complications...that could so easily have been avoided. Gibbs sighed and got to his feet.
No matter what else was going on here, he did need to get back to work.