The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn – David Russell

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

JASPER'S POV

Well I hadn't been expecting that. Not that I honestly knew what to expect from her at this point. She was a loose canon that could explode at any minute or implode.

Her emotions, as well as her actions had been from one extreme to the next since I showed up on her doorstep. At this point I wasn't sure if she wanted to fuck me or rip my head off. I wasn't sure she knew either. I wasn't sure she knew what she wanted, but it seemed clear that she knew what she didn't want. I guess that was a start.

I finally understood that it was not as much about being changed as it was about being stuck with us for a family, clearly though I was an exception, the lesser of two evils as it may be.

"What do you mean?" she stuttered, as if she had expected me to jump at her suggestion. Why wouldn't she? I had been jumping through her hoops like a dog in heat.

"I think it was a pretty straight forward question. You want me to give you something and I want to know what you plan on giving me in return," I explained to her, hating that she thought it was so easy to wrap me around her finger.

"What do you want?" Bella questioned, crossing her arms over her chest, irritated.

What did I want? That really was the question, a very open ended question. The possibilities were endless. My mind instantly went to the dark side, a very dark pleasurable side. The word sex blinked like a neon sign over and over in my head. I could make her agree to sex, whenever I wanted it, however I wanted, as much as I wanted it.

That definitely had endless possibilities, yet I knew what I really wanted. I wanted something more.

I wanted her not to hate me. I wanted to get to know her. I wanted her to be happy and smile. I wanted her to need me, to trust me. I wanted a chance at forever with her. As sappy as that sounded, that was what I really wanted.

Yet I was not stupid enough to tell her any of that right now.

"Well…" I started, trying to figure out what I was going to tell her.

"I can save some time here. Whatever you want, I agree to," Bella smiled at me but it wasn't just any smile. It was thee smile. "I mean anything…" she fucking purred, inferring all the dark pleasures that had flashed through my mind moments before.

"As tempting as that is, I am going to have to pass on that."

"What?"

"I am willing to come to some arrangement between us, but it isn't going to be that kind of arrangement." I started to tell her, wondering how she would react to my demands. From what I had discovered lately about Bella was for her, fucking me seven ways from Sunday would be so much easier for her than what I wanted from her. "What I want is pretty simple. For me to sever ties with my family all I am asking from you is a clean slate."

"A clean slate, that's it?"

"Yes, a clean slate. From this moment forward the past does not exist. All that matters is the here and now. You don't want The Cullen's in your life, well, let them go. I don't want anything that happens after this point to be because of them."

I knew what her answer would be before she answered. Not because she wanted what I wanted, but because she hated them more than she hated me and she would do anything to be away from them.

"Agreed."

"Alright. I will call Peter and Charlotte to meet us at my place and then we can go from there.

"What about The Cullen's? Are you going to call them and tell them what is going on because when we don't show up they are going to think I got to you and you let me go?"

"After you have been changed I will call them and explain what we have decided. I will assure them that you have been changed and that their obligation had been met. And that we do not wish to be part of the family anymore," I explained to her.

The conversation that I would have to have with them flashed through my mind as did the hurt that would come from not only my rejection, but Bella's as well. It was something that I did not look forward to, something that I would put off for as long as possible, hoping that in the end it would never have to be done. I still had hoped that one day Bella would forgive them.

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" Bella asked me, which confused the fuck out of me. Was she kidding? Wasn't she the one who had just asked me to do this?

"You are asking me to choose between them and you and no I don't want really to do this. Even as distant as we have been of late, they are still the only family that I know. But if I have to pick, I pick you."

"Jasper I am not saying that we will be together like that."

"I realize this."

"Since when did you become such a glutton for punishment?"

"I guess since the day that I walked back into your life. It was all over for me then even if I didn't realize it quite yet."

"You know my offer still stands?"

"And what offer is that darlin'?"

"You know the one where we are fuck buddies."

"Oh, that one," I said, like her words had no affect on me at all.

"Stop acting like you don't want me as much as I want you."

"I never said I didn't want you."

"Then what is all this other stuff about?" Bella dared to ask.

"There is no other stuff. There is just me not wanting to deal with all the shit that came before. I don't think that is much to ask. Unlike what you asked me. So if you can't let go of Edward…"

"I don't have any problem letting go of Edward or anyone else for that matter. I think I already agreed to your terms."

"Then we have no problems, do we?"

"You have a real fucked up attitude, do you know that?"

"Why is that darlin', because I am not willing to be your little bitch? That I didn't agree to service your sexual needs whenever you want," I threw at her. It was the last thing that I wanted to do, but I couldn't let her walk all over me. I couldn't let her think that she was in control of me. As much as I cared about her, there was no way that I was going to be her means to an end.

I hadn't thrown out the need for a fresh start for no reason. I knew if it was ever going to work between Bella and I, then we really were going to need a fresh start. And that meant undoing what I had done.

What I had done was relinquish my power by letting Bella call all the shots and set the terms of our relationship. I had let her use me to fulfill her needs and wants without caring about mine. Not that I hadn't had a few of my own needs met as well. I just had realized though that they were not the most important ones.

"Maybe I should rethink my decision to have you change me."

"You are running out of opinions."

"There is always The Volturi."

"Seriously? You got to be kidding me? I'm not questioning your intelligence, but that was some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard. Have you forgotten that all this is about them not finding out that you are still human? Do you think that the outcome would be any different if you went to them and asked them to change you? If, and I do mean if, they did change you, they would claim you as their own and you would end up at their mercy. Unfortunately I don't think that their mercy would extend to us and you really would get your wish and you would be free of all of us."

"That is not what I want. I just…"

"No, just leave it at that. I think that it would just be better if we had some quiet time. Time to reflect on everything that has happened and is about to happen."

"Yeah, you're right. I like it much better when you're not talking," Bella huffed, tightening her arms around herself as she shifted towards the window and stared off.

Fifteen minutes later her body relaxed and it was clear that she had fallen asleep. Hopefully when she woke up, she would be in a better mood. If not I was sure I could help her with it. Not that I wanted to be controlling her, in any way, but I had enough.

What I really needed was some backup, someone who was going to have my back and be a buffer between Bella and me, who was not going to take any crap from her either. Thankfully for me, Bella already approved the choice.

"As I live and breathe," Peter sarcastically greeted.

"You neither live nor breathe."

"I know you dumb fucker, it is an expression."

"Charlotte must not be around if you are using that kind of language."

"I'm not scared of her at all. I wear the pants in this relationship."

"What ever you say, now where is Char?"

"Shopping," he muttered, calling me a stupid pain in the ass fucker, under his breath, knowing I would hear him perfectly. "So what do you want?"

"Is that any way to treat a friend?"

"When the friend is you, yes! So what do you want?"

"I need your help."

"The Major needs my help? Well that's something."

"Stop being a smart ass for a minute and let me tell you what is going on."

"Yes sir."

"I need your help with a newborn."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"I thought that I did, but there is no way I did."

"Can you be serious for one minute?"

"Can you? A newborn? Are you nuts?"

"No, but if I spend too much more time talking to you, I just might be. I'm talking about Bella."

"Bella? Shouldn't she already be one of us, far pass the newborn phase?"

"She should, but it turns out that Edward didn't do his job and it has been turned over to me, to avoid The Volturi from coming after our asses."

"Damn!"

"Exactly. You know this is not going to be easy for me and I can't handle her alone once she has been changed."

"Where is your family?"

"We were supposed to meet up with them, but Bella doesn't want anything to do with them. She is going to bolt if they get involved. So it is left up to me."

"Can you handle it?"

"I have to. But knowing that I have you and Char next to me will definitely go a long way towards making sure that this all has a positive outcome," I explained to Peter. Though I accused Bella of not having faith in my ability to change her, the truth was I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stop. It had been so long since I tasted human blood and even longer since I attempted to change someone over. And this was the first time that the outcome truly mattered. Before, if I fucked up and drained some poor fucker, I just tried again.

"You know that we will be there for you."

"Thanks."

"So where the fuck are you?"

"Heading towards Canada. I have a place up there."

"In the middle of nowhere, right?"

"Yeah."

"Are you enforcing your ridiculous animal only diet?" Peter demanded.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, you are a big boy. I just ask that you take it far away from where we are going to be. And there will be no talking about that lifestyle with Bella. If she doesn't know what she is missing, it will be a lot easier for her."

"Who are you trying to kid?" Peter laughed.

That was a good question. Who was I trying to kid? I was too old for this, too out of practice. How did I think that I was going to be able to change Bella and keep her safe from herself? Or from me?