Beau helped me up to my room and I sat on the bed. The day was turning to night's cool blue, rich with secrets and passion. His eyes held a soft gleam for me as I lay quietly my look softer. My life felt complete only as long as he was there. Beau stood and turned to look at me.
"I'll get ya some dinner, ya stay here and rest." He told me gently running the backs of his fingers down my cheeks. Suddenly a feeling of loss struck me so strongly, I grabbed his hand and held on.
"I don't know what I would do if I lost you." I whispered tearfully, I could feel the first slip over my eyelid to waterfall down my cheek.
"Ya ain't gonna loose me Bi." He said gently sitting next to me and pulling me into his arms. "Where did that come from?"
"I don't know, but don't leave now." I cried softly, I clung to him with a strength that surprised us both. "Please don't leave, don't leave me here alone, I'm frightened."
"Don't be." He replied with all the arrogance of youth. An arrogance that says 'I'm too young to die. Death would never touch me yet.' It is an arrogance that can be unfortunately crushed by the very thing youth is unafraid of. "I'll be right back, ya need to eat. That baby needs ya to eat and I won't have ya losin' my baby."
Unable to come up with a reasonable argument to his response, I nodded and loosened my grip on him. With a smile that was meant to comfort he set me back on the bed and stood. He glanced back at me once he had reached the door and gave me a look that clearly said 'See I'm fine.' I nodded again, unable to speak for fear I would beg him once more, not to leave me.
I waited on pins and needles for him to return, all sorts of frightening and probably impossible visions slipping into my head. He was going down stairs for food for crying out loud, not going off to war. It was this irritated thought within my own head, that forced me to get a grip on myself.
He returned with no problems, carrying with him hunks of bread, cheese, and meat. A tall glass of milk balanced in the crook of his arm.
"Molly said ya should drink all of this. It will keep ya strong for the baby." He told me, as he carefully set the glass and a plate down on my beside table. He handed me one of the plates ,and sat down reaching for the second. I looked at the plate finding I was suddenly ravenous. The smell of the beef was making my stomach ache. A bit of that same dizziness that had plagued me earlier returned. With a smile for him I, as gracefully as possible cut my meat, and raised the first bite to my mouth. I was very conscious that this was the first meal we had ever sat down and eaten together. "Ya feelin' better now?"
I looked up at him and gave him a slight smile. It was funny I had been so ravenous only a few minutes before, and now with my plate half finished, and my milk half gone I felt as though I was going to burst. With a sigh I placed the plate on the night table, and looked to the window.
What had brought on that sudden fear, where had it come from? I looked back at Beau, his face the perfect picture of health, his mind intent as only a growing boy could be, on his food. I brushed away those cobwebbed fears, and chalked them up to momentary insanity. I noticed, as I watched him that he was surprisingly well mannered as he ate. I would have expected him to fall on his food like a starved wolf, but instead he had better table manners, than some of the men I had once known.
"Lily made certain I knew how to eat right." He said softly. My cheeks flushed that he had caught my thoughts so swiftly.
"I'm sorry." I responded quietly, he mopped up the last of the juices from the meat with his bread, and set his plate under mine. He gave me a reassuring smile, as he wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me into a lying position beside him.
We lay together, the night enveloping us. My eyes were used to the night enough that I could dimly see the handles of my chest of drawers across the room. My back was nestled into his broad chest, and suddenly I wanted to feel his hands on me. I wanted to feel alive, to forget the frightening feelings of earlier, and be alive with the man I loved. Slowly I turned to him, unsure of what to do, still so new at the art of passion. My eyes rose to his, where I found him watching me, with traces of amusement on his face. Still he did nothing. I knew that he knew, what I wanted, and was waiting patiently for me to make the first move.
Still unsure I slipped my hand into his curls and drew his face close to mine. The amusement was still there, but the chocolate brown was slowly darkening. It was as if my inexperience was more seductive to him, than a practiced woman could ever be. It gave me the courage to pull his head down to me, and place that first kiss on his lips.
He continued to make no move at my hesitant, chaste kiss. Part of me was confused, less than this kiss, had set that incredible passion of his free. Had I suddenly become unattractive to him? Had I been wrong in my earlier thoughts? Had Spot set something off in him that made him not want me now?
"It's alright sweetheart." He whispered, I looked up at him knowing my fear was plain on my face. "I can practically hear that brain of your workin'. Don't think, just feel."
As his words slipped into the night, his lips gently brushed mine sending flairs of heat through me. Still he did nothing more than give me kisses, that were the most chaste he had ever given. Closing my eyes ,I took his advice and felt. It took only a matter of minutes before it was me that was deepening the kiss. It was my lips that were fastened to his. It was my tongue that traced his lips until they opened for me. He had taught me to kiss well, but beyond that, Beau had always taken the lead. It wasn't the woman's place to take the lead in lovemaking. Men were supposed to be the aggressors, the experienced ones.
However, there is something to be said for instinct. As my blood began flowing through my veins at the speed of river racing over rapids, I laid my hand on his chest, slipping through the open v at the top of his shirt and ran my hand over the bare flesh. My cheeks were flaming and my touch tentative, I had to remind myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong. He was my husband, and a wife had the right to touch her husband right? Still it went against what little I had been taught, about what happened between a man and a wife. Women weren't supposed to even like this; they weren't supposed to feel passion.
I had to force myself to open my eyes and look at Beau, his lips curved into a seductive smile, a smile that was somehow encouraging. 'Don't think.' I reminded myself as I leaned closer and gently placed my lips at the spot where his jaw and his neck joined. My hands tremblingly unbuttoned the first button on his shirt. I felt the muscles in my neck and shoulders relax as he hummed softly in the back of his throat. It was a noise I recognized, a noise that told me what I was doing was all right.
I left my upper class morays behind, and devoted myself to hearing that noise again. He was patient as I undressed him. The darkness deepened slightly, until I could see the outline of him cast by the dim light coming through my windows. Had it not been dark, I doubt I would have had the courage to do what I did. I certainly wouldn't have had the courage to explore as I did.
When he could take it no longer, he took control, his hands finding the buttons of my blouse with a tremble of his own. His lips tracing my neck and making me hum, as his hands slipped the blouse from my shoulders, and moved quickly to my skirt. I felt cool air brush over my bare shoulders and legs as he pulled my pantaloons from my corset, nearly ripping them. They too slid to the floor and he pulled me to him.
He was slow and gentle, telling me he loved me with every touch. He did not need to say the words, as his hands moved to remove my corset. Before it had been hurried and passionate, in comparison to now. My heart contracted, painfully as the love that filled me struggled to reach out to him.
When finally we lay in each other's arms, our breath mingling in its haste, I felt tears streaming down my face. Looking up at his shadowed face above me, I knew he had been touched as I had. Too strong to cry at the mere act of lovemaking, he buried his face the crook of my shoulder and neck with a groan.
"I love you Bianca Meyers." He whispered, filling me with the thrill of hearing my new name for the first time. "You are mine, now and forever, promise."
"I promise." I whispered back, my voice choking a little on my tears. It was so sweet, so tender a moment I carry it with me even to this day. I take it out like a well-worn picture and remember fondly what was. I remember what it was to be so young, and so full of life and love. Softly he drew the blanket over us, and held me close, as we fell asleep still wrapped in each other's arms.
Frequently we turned to each other in the night; sometimes it was for nothing more than a gentle caress. Sometimes it turned to far more, but it was the one night that I learned, I needed never to doubt my husband's love. The one night, that he showed me what it was to make love, what it was to connect that incredible physical feeling with love. I'll never forget the lessons of that night.
Morning dawned as softly as the night had enveloped us. I found I was sore, but never had I felt more alive. The fears I had been plagued with faded in the glow of the sun. Gently Beau's hand caressed my hip, his touch telling me good morning, as he yawned sleepily and rubbed his eyes. It was amazing how with one touch, an entire greeting could be conveyed. It seemed that after the night we had shared, we no longer had need for words. Everything could be conveyed with a look or a touch.
He smiled down at me as he rolled over, and reached for his pants. My hand on his arm stayed him. As he looked back at me, his smile broadened.
"Here I had thought I was marrying a good upper class wife, and find I've saddled myself to a wanton street rat." He teased gently, before his lips met mine. "You've kept me awake all night; ya don't mean to make me late for work now do ya?"
"You wouldn't mind." I replied with an easy smile. For the first time I recognized his teasing and responded in kind.
"No…………. I wouldn't………., but how'm ………….I going to explain it……… to my boss?" he asked between kisses, his hand reaching for and cupping my breast; telling me he had no interest in leaving me for work.
"I'm not certain, but I bet you'll think of something." I told him, my hands slipping up his chest to frame his cheeks with my hands, and pull him down for another kiss. This time our lovemaking was golden tinged, and full of laughter. His hands tickling as much they teased. My heart was light, as my husband finally rose, his face smiling as he pulled his pants over his hips.
"Take care of yourself today." He told me leaning down for one more kiss. I giggled and wouldn't release him until he relented and kissed me. We were both breathless before he was done. "I mean it, no wonderin' into fights today."
"If it gives me another night like last night, I'll happily confront Cinnamon any day." I said my voice filled with the happiness I had been frightened of. Part of me realized, my fear was from the inability to trust everything that had happened to me lately. I had been certain that it was too good to be true.
It's odd how in the moment of pure joy, a shadow lurks just beyond the horizon. A shadow that we never see until it is too late. It is in our happiest moments that are the prelude to the moments that are our worst. Darkness, pure darkness hovered just beyond the light, and my greatest dream come true, was about to become my greatest nightmare.
I watched him leave that morning, his eyes twinkling with a laughter I had never seen before. He walked with a lightness, he had never had. His face glowing with a love, I knew I was lucky to be given. Little did I know I had made a mistake in Cinnamon. I should have never brushed her off as quickly as I did. She had a capability for hate, and a thirst for revenge that wouldn't be sated until I had been taken down. Forever gone from Beau's live, until Mush returned and she could make him all hers.
I lay there after he had gone, my body glowing with the love that it had been filled with over the night, and curiously despite my lack of sleep I felt energized. I felt as though I could clean every room, and still have the energy to stay up all night with Beau. I rose, stretching my arms over my head with glee. With a happy sigh, I glanced back at the rumpled covers of the bed. I dressed with visions of the happy family we would make, smiling wider at the under clothing, I had to pick up from various places all over the room.
"Well someone's nice and cheerful this mornin'." Molly said, as I entered the kitchen my happiness bubbling out of me, making it hard to miss.
"Of course I am." I told her, hugging my joy to myself. "My life has finally become what I've dreamed."
"Ya mean, ya've always wanted to marry below ya station, and live forever in a boardin' house that doesn't offer half of the opportunities ya might have had?" She asked. I had to look at her for a moment before I realized that she was teasing me as well. "are ya feelin' alright after yesterday?"
"I'm a little sore." I replied truthfully, finding that my muscles were rather stiff this morning. When I had come down I had been floating on air, now I found my forehead stung from the scrape on it and I felt as though I had been beaten black and blue. My hip hurt from the bruise that had resulted in my fall to the concrete. "You don't think it will hurt the baby do you?"
"I don't know for sure Bianca darlin', but ya appear to be fine now." Molly told me matter of factly as she handed me a bowl of oatmeal sweetened with brown sugar, apples, and raisins. "If ya start bleedin' we'll call the doctor. I'll bet Lily might part with her high falutin' doctor to treat ya even, after all ya are her neice now."
"I'm certain she's proud." I said with sarcasm and a touch of bitterness. Molly gave me a smile as moved around the table and took my face in between her hands.
"I'm proud of ya Bianca." Her tone was glowing as she looked into my eyes. "Ya found yaself a good husband and I don't know if ya could've found better on the ballroom floor."
"Me neither." I sighed; I could feel my heart swelling. If the last few days had been the hell I had to go through to become this happy, I would have done it all over again.
I spent a happy morning, helping Molly bake bread and prepare for dinner. The sun seemed to glow brighter, the smells of baking seemed to smell better, the sounds of the water tinkling in the bathtub as I cleaned was like music. I went about my day as normal, counting the minutes until my husband returned.
As the sun lowered in the sky, telling me it was near to three; I sat on the sofa in the drawing room with a book. Molly insisted that I rest, despite the fact I had never felt better, and since she knew more about child bearing than I did, I complied. I propped my feet up in a most unladylike position on the sofa, and opened the book to the first page. Loosing myself in my reading, I never heard the door open until a shadow fell across me, obscuring my light. Looking up, I found the one person that could put a damper on my mood.
"What do you want Cinnamon?" I asked, carefully marking my page and looking up. I refused to rise, least I let her know she frightened me. My heart was beating faster as she just smirked down at me. "What are you doing here? Molly!" My voice rose, as Cinnamon didn't move she was just standing there, as if she were savoring this moment.
"No need to call for help princess." She sneered. "Ya don't want anyone to know who else might be helpin' ya out here."
"What are you talking about?" My voice dropped, as my heart took a dive to my stomach.
"There was this nice gentleman that stopped to buy a pape from me this mornin', one that handed me a sweet picture of ya." Cinnamon's voice didn't change. Her eyes were gleaming with a light that frightened me beyond anything else she had done thus far. "He was wonderin' if I might have seen his cousin, it seems she's been missin' since about the time that ya turned up here. He was already to loose hope, but luckily for him I knew exactly where ya were."
"Oh god." I whispered before standing. "What did you tell him?" Cinnamon just looked at me with that smug smile. "Damn you, Molly hasn't done anything to you and you could have just gotten her killed."
"Now I wouldn't do anythin' to Jacky's cousin." She said sweetly. "Paid one of the young ones a quarter to tell her Mush'd been hurt at his new job. She left without tellin' ya, because she didn't want to worry ya. After all you're in such a delicate condition and all."
"You didn't tell him." I cried urgently, grabbing her arm and shaking her. "Tell me you at least had the decency, not to tell him I was pregnant. He'll kill the baby for sure."
"Nah, thought I'd leave that up to ya." She growled, as she pulled her arm away. I looked around me panicked, and moved for the back door. Cinnamon however, moved to the window and signaled. Knowing the life of my child depended on me getting away, I ran for the back door as swiftly as I was able.
Tears streamed down my face in absolute terror as I ran, my hand reaching for the handle of the back door just as it turned. A burly man I didn't recognize, stood in the doorway looking rather grim.
"Now ya come with me easy like girly, and it will be easier." He said, his arms rising as if to catch me.
"You touch me and I'll kill you." I hissed moving around the table, to where I knew Molly kept the knives. My hand curled around the large knife she used for cutting meat, knowing it was kept it's sharpest.
"Now, now is that the way to treat family?" My blood froze in my veins, as the voice that had haunted my worst nightmares, filled my ears. Turning slowly, my hand still clutching the knife I looked into the golden, angelic face of the devil.
"No." I breathed, my breath choking after my words, in absolute horror and dread. I backed away from him until the edge of the icebox dug into my back, and I knew I was trapped.
"No." He replied in the tone of a teacher. "Neither is running away from the only caring family member alive. I would have protected you and loved you."
My heart stopped it's beating as he moved to stand directly in front of me. I was trembling and fighting not to whimper.
"Ya…..Ya… You have no power over me." I stuttered. "I'm a married woman now, my husband has the rights over me. You have none."
I gained courage with every word. Never once did fear for Beau enter into my mind. I moved away from him and around the table. He was toying with me as he let me go, watching me with glittering eyes.
"Then I suppose we will have to remedy that." He hissed, the viper that hid beneath the polished surface slipped out. His hand shot out as I whirled toward the front door, and grabbed the hand that held my weapon. He twisted it brutally, making my hand go numb, as I slipped to my knees in agony. Tears were streaming down my face as I fought not to cry out from the pain. The knife clattered uselessly to our left, filling me with hopelessness.
One dim thought of my child forced me to relax in his grip until he started to lighten his hold. The moment he did, I was up and running, my good hand reaching for the nearest missile, which happened to be Molly's ceramic canister of flour. I heaved it at him, missing him, it hit the floor and shattered sending flour up in a powdery, white cloud.
"Damn you." He hissed, as I moved around the table. Never once did the man in the doorway move. If I could just get around the table fast enough, I might be able to make it to the front door. We circled the table, until finally I took my chance. I darted past him and my heart sang with combination of terror and hope as I reached the parlor. The doorway was clear, a shining beacon of sunlight, it was the doorway to my freedom. Just as quickly, my hopes were dashed as Cinnamon entered the doorway. Her face was a picture of innocence. Adian caught my arm, just before I could push her out of the way, and run to freedom. He swung me around and I caught him in the jaw with a weak punch. He cursed as he caught both arms and I kicked out at his shins. I heard Molly's mahogany occasional table fall to the floor, a vase of flowers falling with it, to shatter, and spraying water all over the recently polished wood. His arms tightened like bands of steel, before he sent me crashing into the man that had blocked my way earlier. This man's hands curled around my upper arms holding me far more gently than Adian, but I knew there was no way I would break free.
"Please." I whispered for his ears alone. "For the sake of my husband and child."
His eyes darkened and he closed them for a moment, before shaking his head, and I knew I had lost. Tears streamed down my face, as he dragged me from the only house I had been able to call home. Flowers were crushed on the floor from where they had been trod on. A few of Molly's knickknacks broken in the fray, were in shattered piles. Around me was ruin and destruction, and my heart felt as shattered, as I was hauled out the door. The neighbors that were home were curiously looking from windows and doorways, as they dragged me kicking and screaming into my family's coach. Not a one of them lifted a finger to help. My last sight of Molly's, was Cinnamon standing at the bottom of the stairs waving cheerfully.
Gevarah: Wow, thank you, your compliments leave me speechless. I know my writing can be flawed grammatically, and I'm working on fixing it. Unfortunately I lost my beta two years ago and can only get my husband to help on occasion. Still it's nice that despite those problems you are enjoying this. Thanks again!
Elyse: I know, I know, I know, I'm working on it. I'm doing fine now thanks for asking!
Elleestjenn: Thank you for your well wishes and your review. I know it's been a while, but I'm back. Updates seem to be abounding. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Grams: I'm Wayyy back. Aren't you glad to see it? I thought so. Things are better and the muses are excited to get working, obviously. Can't wait to see what you think of this chapter. Love ya!
Pricilla2: Thanks honey, much better!
RiotAct: Did you expect anything less? I couldn't leave that loose end. I'd love it too. Thanks for the review. Hey would you get a move on updating already?
Reffy: Awwwe, thanks. You know you are the only person that has picked up on that so far. I thought no one noticed, though it's one of my favorite parts. Thank you again.
Kez: I was waiting for that review. I've finally started to bring things to a head so I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter. Thank you for your concern, I'm fine. Well I'm working on it. I had a miscarriage and it was really hard to work on this story. Especially since Bianca's pregnant. I thought about using that in this story, but I couldn't so I had to wait until I could handle it again.
Leslie: I'm doing better, thanks! Thank you also for your review I hope you enjoy this chapter too.