Saving Dean

This story has been kicking my ass in the creativity section! I've started and rewritten this chapter so many times, I just don't know what to do! God help me people, I am so so sorry for holding out on all of you like this but seriously, since the new season started, I've just been...actually watching it. Apparently that doesn't do well for my creativity. I hate my mind! I swear I had a whole bunch of different ideas when I started this story and now I'm just screwed over.

Just to sum things up, I'm not going to follow the Leviathan storyline completely so no Castiel going boom-boom but he's going to be possessed and fighting one single Leviathan inside of him and I may have a couple of them running around. Castiel/Levi is probably going to make some appearances. I'm also going to attempt to avoid most of the episode storylines as well.

"How are you feeling?" Mira asked, sitting down next to Sam and passing him a bottle of water. They were currently alone in a motel room. Dean was outside fixing up a problem on the Impala and Emily had gone to get food from the nearby fast food joint. It was the first time Mira had really had a chance to talk to Sam since being back apart from her trip into his head to tell him she was there.

"I'm good." Sam replied, smiling slightly as a thanks for the water. Mira raised an eyebrow, watching him. "Really...Mir...I'm fine."

"Sam." Mira muttered.

"I'm not the one you should be worrying about." Sam reminded her. Mira paused then sighed and looked at her hands. Even with her return, Dean apparently was still running the way he had since the night of 'killing' her. He was still drinking almost all the time and none of them actually saw him sleep unless he actually passed out. It unnerved Mira when she had once compared him to soulless Sam. She wanted to talk to him about it, really she did, but any time she tried to bring it up, something happened to stall the conversation.

She almost felt like Dean had closed himself off after her initial return in case she somehow disappeared again.

"I can worry about both of you." Mira pointed out. "You're my boys. I have a right to worry."

"Things have just been so...messed up." Sam sighed. He rolled the bottle of water between his hands, watching the fluid slosh around. "I don't know what to do...I don't even what I can do."

"Sammy..." Mira muttered, her heart hurting at the pain she felt off her friend.

"Help Dean." Sam insisted, lifting his eyes to the small woman next to him. "Please...Mira...you gotta save him. You're the only one he'll let do it."

It was a heavy plead, and hard as hell. They sat in silence for a long time, eyes just locked, thoughts drifting around, worry and uncertainty filling the air. Finally, Mira sighed and leaned over to place a chaste kiss on Sam's cheek. She squeezed his shoulder, hoping to convey some sort of assurance before she walked out of the room and crossed the parking lot.

Dean was working away, almost half under the hood as he tinkered and twisted, fixing what needed fixing. His flask sat on the edge of the hood and, as she passed by, Mira casually swiped it off. Glancing at the hunter and glad that he was so busy he didn't notice, she wandered around the car. Unscrewing the lid, she swiftly emptied the contents onto the ground walking back around the other side of the vehicle and tossing the object through the open window. Mira leaned forward once she got back to the front, her elbows resting on the edge as she lay her chin on loose fists, just watching. Gradually Dean became aware of her presence, if his curious thoughts were anything to go by, but neither of them uttered a word as he continued his work.

At least, not until he reached for the flask and his hand closed on empty air.

"What the..." Dean muttered, looking over to where the object once rested. He leaned to the side to see if it had somehow fallen to the ground since he had last used it but couldn't see it anywhere. "Mir, do you know..."

"Yes." Mira answered simply before the question was even finished.

"Okay, where..." Dean started again.

"Doesn't matter." Mira cut in once more.

"You really need to stop doing that." Dean sighed.

"You used to think it was cute." Mira pointed out.

"Yeah...well...there's more on my mind these days." Dean muttered. If she hadn't known him as well as she did, Mira probably would have felt insulted by that. Thankfully, she knew that it wasn't meant that way and so she just stayed quiet and watchful. Dean attempted to just go back to work but now that she was still watching him, it was starting to bug him. He sighed then lifted his eyes to look on the chocolate ones gazing carefully at him. "What's up?"

"When did it wear off?" Mira asked.

"What?" Dean asked.

"The happy feelings." Mira replied. Dean just stared at her before dropping his gaze to look back at the engine. "Are you just waiting for me to leave again? I've only done it once, Dean."

"Mira, don't." Dean muttered.

"Don't what? Help me out here!" Mira demanded, straightening up. "Everyone keeps telling me to help you...to save you. This isn't you, Dean."

"And how the hell do you know what's me?" Dean suddenly snapped, catching the brunette off guard. He threw down his tools and moved around to stand in front of Mira. "Huh? Answer me that." His arms crossed his front of his chest. "How do you what's me and what isn't? Yeah, you read Chuck's books...yeah you can read my mind...but what qualifies you to know who and what I am? You were gone almost as long as you were around. You've missed a hell of a lot. So what I do these days, I do to make sure tomorrow comes for everyone else."

His mind was closed, he had gone brick wall, allowing no access to the startled Fae before him. She blinked a few times, processing what had just happened. What had she come back to? This wasn't her Dean. This wasn't the one she had fought all rankings of Fae to get back to. Did that mean hers was gone? Was the one in front of her the new permanent Dean?

"Oh." Mira whispered, defeat twisting in her voice. What else could she do? This wasn't what she was prepared for and she honestly didn't know how to handle it. Tears stung at her eyes and she tilted her head back slightly, locking her sight on some random bird in the sky to try and keep from letting a drop fall. She bit her lip and slowly lowered her gaze.

For his part, Dean kept steady with his own gaze locked to the sneakers on his companions feet. He had a slight frown on his face but without access to his thoughts, Mira couldn't tell what it was for. His arms remained crossed, locked across his chest. They were silent, painfully so. Her teeth dug so hard into her lower lip that she now had the coppery taste of blood in her mouth. Her vision was somewhat blurred from the unshed tears but she just couldn't let them fall.

"I'll just...I...I'm gonna..." Mira stuttered as she finally managed to move her feet. She stepped to the side then turned her back to Dean as she took the steps back to the motel room.

"No, wait, no, Mira!" Dean caught her off guard again as he suddenly shot to life.

His arms were so quickly around her waist that she jumped and momentarily struggled. When his chest leaned against her back and his forehead landed on her shoulder, she halted her attempts at escaping and chose instead to just stand there. She held her arms up, somewhat awkwardly so as not to actually touch him and refused to allow her eyes to turn in his direct. Instead she closed them tightly, her teeth once more in her lower lip as she felt the blood trickle down for her chin.

"Please don't." Dean whispered, his arms tightening. "Baby, please don't. I didn't...I shouldn't have...damn it Mir, please."

"What are you doing?" Mira whispered, desperate for something, anything to grasp onto and use in some way. The tears fell finally, clinging momentarily to her eyelashes before rolling down the expanse of her cheeks.

"I...I'm...I don't...I'm trying..." Dean mumbled, loosening his hold just slightly in his own uncertainty. His wall stayed up, granting no peek, no assurances, nothing.

"I don't know you." Mira concluded suddenly, quietly. She found herself being twisted around so fast that she could have gotten whiplash. She blinked more tears free as her blurry gaze lifted from Dean's chest to his face. His hands held her head, almost painful in their grip. Her hands lifted to hold his arms just below his wrists but made no move to anything else.

"No...no, baby, please, I didn't mean that." Dean pleaded. His fingers twisted slightly in her hair and through the blur she could see he had his own tears. Her chest ached and her breathing skipped moments as she fought with her mind to function right, to figure out what was going. "I didn't mean it, Mir, please. You know me, you do...better than anyone. Better than Sam!"

"What's going on, Dean?" Mira asked desperately. She couldn't take anymore mind games, not with what was happening. Her eyes darted all around in some sort of attempt to stop the tears. His forehead touched hers but he didn't answer. She squeezed her eyes shut as the seconds dragged on. She counted the seconds into minutes. Finally Mira just couldn't take it anymore and she tightened her hands on Dean's arms to pull his hands off her head. "I...I think I should...call Chuck..."

"What? No!" Dean's desperate outburst was accompanied by him suddenly on his knees, arms around Mira's waist, head against her stomach. She gasped in surprise at the gesture, her eyes widening, mouth falling open as she stared down at him. "You can't...you can't leave me Mir, please...not again. Never again."

"Dean..." Mira muttered.

"I know, I fucked up...I know!" Dean admitted. Mira looked around, wondering if anyone was seeing this display, but there was no one. She reached down and tried to pry his arms off but he held tight and she didn't know what else to do.

"Dean, I'm not...Dean, listen to me!" Mira snapped slightly, still trying to pull at his arms. "I'm not going to leave." He loosened up slightly, moving his head off her stomach. She sighed and dropped to her knees, this time it was her hands on his head, both gazes desperate and lost. "I'm not going anywhere. I need you to let me in, Dean...please. I want to help you...I want to be with you again...but I can't! Not if you're like this! You have to help me, okay? Can you do that?" Dean nodded under hands and Mira sighed, a small bit of relief going through her. She brought her forehead back to his and looked at him through her lashes.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." Dean muttered, repeatedly.

"Stop it." Mira insisted. He fell silent again, his hands loosening and tightening on her arms, massaging lightly as if he just needed something to do but wasn't sure what. She sighed heavily, her thumbs brushing across his cheeks, picking up tears. "What's going on, Dean?"

"I don't know." Dean whispered.

It was something at least.

"We'll figure it out." Mira promised. She tilted his head enough to look at him properly. "We'll do this, we'll fix things, everything. We'll get Cas back and solve whatever mess he's gotten himself into." she put a smile on, small as it may be, but that determination was back in her, the trickiest (hopefully) part was done, now was the time for everything else. She would have done more, hugged him, kissed him, something...if it hadn't been for the twinge that had suddenly gone off in the back of her head.

"And that's just what I'm here to discuss." The accented voice hit them and caused them both to simultaneously tense up. Slowly, they turned their heads to take in the suited man standing several feet away from them, hands in his pockets, head tilted slightly and eye brow raised.

Dean hadn't seen him since Castiel had cracked open Purgatory.

Mira hadn't seen him since his faked death after he tortured her.

"Hello Kiddies." Crowley greeted with a grin.

Aye, yi, yi...almost a year! God, I am sorry. I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry! I think I've finally gotten the flow back, maybe, possibly, I don't know, because I actually haven't been able to watch any episodes since Castiel's return one. The people I usually turn to, even for just clips and stuff, have all stopped updating and I just can't get the television at the time it's on. On one hand, it seems to be a good thing that I'm not watching the show. But on the other hand...I'M NOT WATCHING THE SHOW, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! God, I don't know what to think of that...

But for anyone who was baffled by the sudden change and strangeness of this chapter as compared to last one. This is Dean we're talking about. Him dropping his redeveloped habits just because Mira's back doesn't quite fit with the way he is. He'll be stressed with everything going on and he'll be afraid. Last chapter he had his happiness and this chapter the horrible ugly realizations hit him and he just coped with it the only way he knew how.

Hopefully, fingers extra crossed, I can keep this up. I seem to be getting better, I've even updated Sin Like The Devil so that's something, right? I know I was saying in everything else that I think this story is a lost cause at this point and I was really worried that I'd never pick it up again but I opened the file to give it a look over then just started to add and add and add and I came to this so, again, hopefully I can keep this up. If anyone has any ideas or anything, please please please, let me know, it will all be greatly appreciated!