Arighty...I'm here to say I'm back! And with a nice little surprise for you. :-)

I'll get to the gaiden in a minute.

First, I want to say i'm sorry for the long wait I've put all of you through. I finally managed to find a job in St. Louis, and have been living here for a couple months. It's still a little shaky but it looks like I'll finally have time to spend more than a hour or two per week trying to write anything. Over the last few months, i've been revising each chapter of this story whenever I could, and I'm feeling much better about this story, now that the quality's a bit more even across the board, and I've changed some parts to flow together better. It's still not 100% perfect...it won't ever be...but I do hope you new and veteran readers have enjoyed the revised chapters all the same. Most of the changes are cosmetic, but there are some chapters that will be a little drastically different from what you remember. I'll leave a list of the chapters with the major changes at the bottom of this update if you're interested in checking them out.

On to the gaiden, I was told by a reviewer that there is a rule against posting just an A/N as an update to any story. So I decided to remedy that by replacing this with a gaiden.

At first, I thought a quick omake would do, but then I remembered I wanted to include a scene in Chapter 21: That Blond Bastard. It was a scene between Naruto and Dragon and that he actually managed to prank her in the end. I couldn't write that part in at that time because that chapter was already too big with too many things going on, so I regretfully cut it out.

When I was thinking of something to write for this update, I remembered that scene and decided to expand it by a lot and maybe show you guys a bit of Dragon's character underneath her aloof exterior...and of course try to make you guys laugh too. :-)

I recommend rereading Chapter 21 if you need to refresh your memory. This gaiden will reference some events in that chapter.

Now...read on and enjoy my first new content in months.

Also, usual thanks goes to LoverofLemon for his help in tweaking some parts of the gaiden.

WARNING: This story will contain mature language, sexual themes, and graphic depictions of violence and gore.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.

Outfoxed Gaiden: It Ain't Over Till the Blond Bastard Screams

Back to the evening of Uzumaki Naruto's infamous 'Prank Day'

The ANBU HQ

Dragon let out a weary sigh as she stepped into her office. It had been a long day, especially with her subordinates spending all morning and some afternoon frantically chasing a blond menace around.

That was finally over when Uzumaki Naruto discreetly washed down the defaced Hokage Monument, and headed on home to catch some winks without ever being caught all day. (Except for a pink-haired Yamanaka who possibly nabbed him in a park, according to the rumors.) Despite the fact the ANBU set up a final ambush right outside his apartment building just to spite him, they still couldn't touch him!

By the time the dust settled and they realized he was nowhere to be found, he was already home and in bed sleeping like the dead.

The Commander chuckled softly at the memory of the absolutely disgruntled reactions from her subordinates.

With his incredible evasion and hiding skills, Naruto was going to be an absolute terror if he ever joined the ANBU. She'd have to speak with the Hokage about taking him on as a...temporary member, at least for some missions she could see him completing with ease. That was still far off in the future, though, and she needed to give him some time to gain experience out on the field beforehand.

After making sure to lock the office's door, Dragon shrugged off her white cloak that denoted her as one of the few people to answer to in the ANBU, and hung it up. For the moment, she looked like she had a lean male physique, but that only lasted until she put up a half-ram seal and pulsed her chakra. The genjutsu faded away, revealing a clearly female body underneath all the usual ANBU armoring.

Stifling a yawn behind her mask, she slowly removed her gray vambraces and armored vest, fully revealing her torso covered in a tight sleeveless black spandex turtleneck top. It was obvious the armor hid a lot, since it revealed that she trained extensively every day as evidenced by her incredibly toned and defined muscles. Yet, those muscles did not detract from her very attractive curves, like her perky teardrop-shaped B-cup breasts, her slender waist that flowed into gently curving hips, and her perfectly round and firm-looking rear end. Her skin was pale with a creamy tone, and absolutely no blemish anywhere.

After removing the black arm sleeves, fully exposing her toned arms, Dragon moved around the desk to drop herself into her chair somewhat tiredly. Glancing down on top of the desk to see if there was any paperwork she had to do, she began speaking casually.

"So...you got me where you wanted me. What're you going to do, Uzumaki-san?"

She heard a jaw snapping shut loudly from above.

She smirked in amusement behind her mask, pleased that her little 'strip show' seemed to have dazzled a certain blonde enough to leave him agape. She then leaned back in her chair and gazed up at the ceiling, making sure to stick her lovely chest out slightly to empathize it.

She found one Uzumaki Naruto sticking to the ceiling upside down with chakra in his feet, exactly as he did some time ago when he tried to prank her with marshmallows on her dragon mask's horns.

She was even more pleased, and flattered, when she noted him struggling to keep his gaze where it was appropriate and trying to hide a small blush that seemed to refuse to go away. It was rare that she got to use her feminine wiles, and this was fun.

"T-t-this isn't exactly how I thought this would go." he grumbled, still fighting down the blush. Kami, Dragon was even more attractive than he imagined, and he still hadn't even seen her under the mask yet! Those tight spandex tops certainly didn't seem to hide anything.

"Not every plan survives first contact with the enemy. I had a good hunch you weren't done trying to get me just yet." Dragon retorted, her mask-distorted voice laced with obvious amusement.

"How long did you know I've been hiding here? I'm guessing you taking your armor off was on purpose."

"After your first 'visit' here, I had someone set up a seal array that warns me every time a chakra signature entered this room uninvited, so I knew you've been in here since this morning. By the way, I know you're a clone as well."

"How are you so sure of that? Maybe you're just bullshitting me on claiming to know which one of us is real."

Just then, a wail of pure anguish and despair barely reached their ears.

"HHHHHEEEELLLLP!"

There was silence in the office as the clone blinked at the sound of its creator's cry for help, then shrugged.

"Yeah, I got nothing to counter that." it muttered, before deadpanning. "Aren't you gonna at least check on Boss? It sounds like he's in some serious shit."

Dragon grinned amusedly behind her mask.

"I'd say it sounds more like he's getting his just desserts."

The clone let out an indifferent hum, before smirking as he dropped from the ceiling to flip over and land softly on the floor in front of the desk.

"Damn, that was a long wait, and I'm almost at the end of my lifespan. Luckily, you got here just in time."

"In time for what? Like I've said, you got me where you wanted me." Dragon stated mockingly, obviously alert in order to foil his last shot at finally pranking her. She was so sure of her ability to evade or counter all the traps that the clone must have set up all over her office, that it left her speechless when the blonde just shook its head and replied with a victorious smirk.

"I'm not here to try anything. I'm just gonna watch you model a very special outfit Boss prepared for you, dispel, and let my memories get back to him."

Dragon sat still in her chair, feeling a shiver go down her spine. Her mind rapidly ran through countless scenarios, and she was coming up blank.

"You're bluffing." she replied in monotone. Meanwhile, she was panicking on the inside. Not now! Not when she had been so close to getting through this blonde's academy years being the only ANBU he hadn't managed to prank! That was a great point of pride for her.

The clone grinned like he knew she was just putting up a front.

"Oh? Care to prove me otherwise?"

"Uzumaki-san hasn't managed to touch me today, and I know for a fact I don't have a seal anywhere on my outfit or body up until last night. He said it so himself; that the seal needs to be applied physically."

"Ah! There are two key points in that statement you just made that prove otherwise."

"Elaborate." she almost hissed as she gripped the edge of her desk with both hands, as if bracing herself.

"Being the vigilant ANBU Commander we all know and love, you just admitted you checked yourself for hidden seals last night, just like every day before then I'm sure. However, you haven't mentioned you checked so far today. In fact, I'd wager you weren't going to until just now when you're finishing up business for the night. You would have found something slightly interesting this time."

Dragon managed to keep her groan in.

"What's the other point?"

"Boss did manage to touch you. As a result of those two points, you do have the seal on you."

Her breath hitched slightly. If that was the case, then she'd been caught already. Sighing in resignation, she decided to at least find out the rest of the story before going to the gallows, so to speak.

"The only time we were in close physical contact today was when I was examining his Sharingan, and I know for sure he didn't do anything out of ordinary. In fact, it was almost as if he was doing everything possible to show he had no ulterior motive."

The clone blushed and glanced away.

"That's because he had none. He didn't want to try anything at that particular time. He was surprised and happy you shared some of your past with him, and it was a nice chat between you two. He didn't want to ruin that memory by taking advantage."

Surprising warmth filled Dragon's body at the clone's admittance. She had to admit it was very sweet of Naruto.

"A good shinobi must always take advantage." she replied, her tone clearly implying she was appreciative of the gesture anyway. The clone responded by smirking cockily.

"A good shinobi also knows when to wait for a better chance."

"And when was this? Since my examination, Uzumaki-san hadn't gotten within a meter of me until my men ran him off."

"He never did."

"Didn't you say he managed to touch me? Was this a bluff after all?"

"I guess I should've said that he himself never actually did it. However, it's possible for one of my less handsome brethrens."

It all clicked for Dragon.

"That smartass clone I punched."

"Bingo!"

"In that instant…" she mumbled in shock.

"Yep. It managed to slip the seal on you just before you popped it. It's on your right bicep, just below the tattoo. Anko-chan always did tell Boss that if the shinobi thing didn't work out, he could be a world-class thief instead with his 'magic hands'."

Although she knew it was invisible to the naked eye, Dragon glanced down at the indicated spot on her arm. For some reason, she could now actually feel his mark on her at this very moment, even though it was nearly undetectable.

"So...it goaded me on purpose."

"It was a very slight possibility that you'd hit it, but Boss was counting on that. The very risky, but rewarding, plans usually take some luck to execute, after all."

"You make it sound like it'd be a great joy for Uzumaki-san to see a memory of me in a joke outfit of a hairy bodybuilder." the ANBU grumbled with a shake of her head. As much she prefered being viewed as a man by those that weren't privy to the secret, it irritated her that Naruto, who clearly knew she was a woman, was going to poke fun by actually making her look like a stupid-looking, goofy, and unattractive musclehead.

Hell, she'd rather have preferred a catsuit like what some of her female subordinates wore earlier today.

The clone laughed.

"So that's what my uglier copy told you."

That made Dragon freeze.

"It's different?"

"For finally getting one over you, Boss's not gonna do something as cheap as that. He had something special in mind for you."

"It better not be something perverted." she narrowed her eyes, but the blonde shook his head.

"Nothing like that. Just think back to what you two talked about after he accidently found you out."

Despite her usual aloofness, Dragon couldn't help but blush deeply behind her mask at exactly how she had been found out by the blonde. That definitely wasn't the way she would have wanted her true gender to be discovered.

Then it clicked in her mind what conversation the clone was referring to.

She immediately stood up out of her seat, with her blush intensifying so much that it felt like her face was steaming hot underneath her mask.

"No."

"Like you have a choice here." the clone's smirk was infuriating.

"Hell fucking no. I will hunt him down and string him up by his balls if you trigger the seal and take the memory back to him."

"You make it sound like I actually care if Boss's gonna get it or not. It's not like I'll be around to suffer through whatever you got in mind for him. In fact, I can guarantee he'll think the memory will be worth anything you throw at him."

Damn the shadow clones, and their independent -and slightly fatalistic- thinking!

"Damn it, I'm not going to let him see this! I'll just dispel you now!" the ANBU growled as she made to hop over the desk, cursing the fact she left her throwing weapons sealed in the armor vest. She was immediately stopped in her motion by the clone quickly raising his hand up in a half-ram seal as if it was a detonator for a bomb.

"One more inch and...'Poof'. Even if you dispel me right after, a half-second is all I need to take back to him and it'll be burned into his mind forever, along with the fact that he finally got one over you."

"When I find him, I'll destroy him!"

"Yada yada yada. Let's get this started….I'm almost out of chakra."

Dragon's shoulders slumped in obvious defeat.

"Fine. Go ahead."

The clone blinked in surprise just as it was about to trigger the seal.

"That's it? It's not like you to give up so easily. I know you...you'd have tried to dispel me as quickly as possible by now anyway."

Dragon sighed dejectedly. before slowly raising her head with confidence that wasn't there an instant ago.

"Go on."

"W-what?"

"Do it. You got me in your trap. Go ahead and trigger the seal, and I'll give you a few seconds to look before I dispel you rather violently."

The clone faltered, and swallowed audibly.

"Don't tell me you're taking pity on me at this very moment." she spoke calmly as she slowly stepped around the desk, forcing the clone to shuffle back. Its hand was still up in that half-ram seal, but it was now sweating slightly.

"Or...is it that you can't? You've had plenty of time to trigger the trap. The real you wouldn't have wasted all that time carrying on a conversation with me."

The clone was about to retort hotly in defense, but felt its back bump up against something surprisingly soft. For a brief moment, it furrowed its brow in confusion, before the blue iris in its visible eye shrank in shock upon feeling an imposing presence behind with a cold piece of metal touching against its neck. It was a kunai.

"How?"

A solid copy of Dragon standing behind the blond clone chuckled lowly, before answering.

"Mistress did say that she knew you've been in here since this morning. Did you think she would willingly walk into a possible ambush without at least one backup plan beforehand?"

The blond clone scowled even as it stood frozen.

"Figures you'd know Kage Bushin. Boss's gonna start feeling like it isn't his exclusive technique anymore if this keeps up."

Ignoring the quip, the real Dragon slowly stepped up to the two clones.

"I know I created you with the cloak and armor still on, so why are they missing now?" she deadpanned to her own clone.

The blond clone stammered in surprise, now realizing its back had briefly brushed up against Dragon's, or at least her copy's, soft mounds. It knew its creator would never admit it, but that particular memory and sensation would be more special in some ways than the actual one he was trying to get.

The masked clone laughed easily before cocking its head.

"You were having so much fun stripping for this cute blonde that I just had to follow suit." it spoke almost seductively into the blond clone's ear.

If a clone could pop from blushing so deeply, Naruto's copy would have done so already.

"I see you have the same problem with shadow clones that Boss deals with too." it muttered with the blush still on its cheeks.

Dragon shook her head and sighed, glad her mask was hiding her embarrassment at her clone's rather strange personality quirk. She then cleared her throat.

"A good shinobi would've executed his plan at first chance. You shouldn't have gloated." her voice had an odd mixture of disappointment and smugness. The blonde shrugged with a half-grin.

"You were right...I couldn't."

At Dragon's tilting of her head, it continued.

"Would you have tried to dispel me if I just let you have a clear shot at me, or if I was aggressively goading you into doing it?"

"No, I'd have been suspicious and stayed back."

"Just so you know, when you dispel me, the lingering chakra from the destruction will trigger the transformation. Boss figured you'd be too fast for me to follow your movement, so he specifically modified your seal to be sensitive to any chakra usage in close vicinity, including even chakra-reinforced movements. If you had tried to attack using chakra in any way possible before now, it would've triggered early." it sighed with a lazy grin before gazing at Dragon with respect.

"It's my luck you were very calm in your responses to my gloating, and that you already created your clone well before I primed the seal when you took your genjutsu off. I'm running on fumes and I haven't actually had enough chakra to even activate the transformation without dispelling at the same time for the last half hour. My original order had been to trigger the seal as soon as you dropped your genjutsu, get a few seconds of memory, then dispel before an extremely angry kunoichi gets her hands on me. On the other hand, we wouldn't have had a fun banter like just now, so I guess there's a silver lining."

The ANBU Commander smirked slightly, pleased that a mere clone of Uzumaki Naruto was able to think up new strategies to try to achieve the desired results, instead of just dispelling when it realized it didn't have enough chakra to complete its original order. She really needed to meet with the Hokage about this blonde's contribution to her force in the future.

"That's the thing about executing a plan that depends on luck...it can go back the enemy's way at any time. At least you'll know you managed to prank me, but I'm not going to allow your creator to see the results."

"We're sore losers, huh?"

Dragon grinned behind her mask before leaning forward to be almost nose-to-nose with the clone, making it blush at the closeness. It swore it saw her eyes shining with mirth through their holes in the mask, but couldn't make out their color.

It, however, smelled a faint hint of strawberries off her. It thought this somehow suited the mysterious ANBU based on what Naruto knew about her, though it wasn't going to tell her that. It smirked inwardly, glad it got a couple valuable pieces of information out of this failure. Naruto would consider these a good tradeoff on missing the chance to see her in that.

"Here's something about the great shinobis throughout the history...most of them were sore losers at one point in their lives, too." Dragon spoke softly, before nodding at her copy. It chopped a hand against the blonde's neck, immediately dispelling it.

Just as promised, its destruction triggered the seal when smoke instantly enveloped Dragon.

Flashback to about a year ago after the 'revelation'

In the Hokage's office

Sarutobi Hiruzen was sitting behind his desk smiling amusedly at the two people standing in front of him.

Dragon, in her real form, was standing cross-armed, pointedly glaring away from the other person. Hiruzen could almost swear she was pouting under the mask.

Uzumaki Naruto was also pointedly glaring away from Dragon in the opposite direction, and he was definitely pouting with crossed arms.

The Third had to chuckle in amusement after spending a long moment thinking over the story they just told him. This got the other two to snap their eyes to him.

"Well, I always did tell you that Naruto-kun would be the first person to find you out someday, Dragon-san." he began neutrally.

Dragon uncrossed her arms quickly and seemed to glare at him from behind her mask.

"You weren't thinking this early, and certainly not this way!" she said hotly. Hiruzen noted it was the most emotional she had been in a long time, likely because she was still embarrassed about this incident. Certainly no woman disguised as a man would want to be found out by having her period sniffed out.

"Oi! What about me?! It's embarrassing for me to know right away which of the women I come across are having their 'visitors' or not at any time of any day! I had to work a long time to ignore those scents on instinct...especially after I got that 'talk' from Kakashi-sensei." Naruto retorted.

"Then why couldn't you have ignored mine?!" Dragon growled as she snapped her attention to the blonde, about to get in his face.

"How the hell was I supposed to be calm when the person I thought to be a man all my life actually turned out to be a woman? Especially when you've been trying to kill me for a few minutes up till that point!" he shot back as he almost touched foreheads with Dragon's.

"Now now...this is a honest accident, and you both know that." Hiruzen piped in, still not hiding his amused smirk.

"This 'accident' is because he broke into the HQ...again!" Dragon turned back to the Hokage while pointing at Naruto, who grimaced.

"And we do know the usual punishment for every time you're caught breaking into the secretive and off-limits ANBU headquarters, don't we?" the old man spoke with a pleasant grin at the sweating blonde.

"O-o-one week of cleaning duty…" he mumbled.

"In...?"

"The civilian school's restrooms." Naruto spat that out as if eating a lemon. Being children, most of the younger students had horrible bathroom habits. This was doubly worse for him with his sensitive nose.

"Just as long as you understand that." the Third finished with that damned smile still in place.

"What about him finding out my secret?" Dragon quizzed. Hiruzen glanced at her for a moment, before sighing.

"I don't see any issue with that because it's Naruto-kun, and I trust him to keep this quiet. However, it's your secret and this is up to you. Do you wish to issue additional punishments?"

There was a long moment of silence as Dragon seemed to contemplate that, before she shook her head.

"No, it's fine...I'm not worried about him spreading that around. From what I've observed over the years, I trust him at least that much as well."

That surprised Naruto into staring at her, while she gazed away in obvious discomfort from such attention.

"Thanks...I promise I won't tell anyone." the blonde stated quietly with a warm smile. The Third clapped his hands jovially.

"Now that everything's resolved, I won't keep you both. Have a pleasant day!"

Outside the office, Naruto and Dragon, back in her 'male' disguise, were standing next to each other in silence, and they were striking thoughtful poses.

"Wasn't Hokage-jiji a little too….happy today?" the blonde quizzed.

"I was thinking the same thing."

"I think he's been hitting the 'special tobacco' too much lately."

"Haha...I was thinking that too." Dragon couldn't help but chuckle amusedly. She then felt eyes on him, and turned to find Naruto staring up at her with an inquisitive expression.

"Yes?"

"Why aren't you more like this?"

"L-like what?"

"The real you. You have emotions, you laugh, and can actually joke around. Well...except when you tried to kill me-"

"I'd prefer to think of that as...trying to stab you."

"Fine. But that's what I meant! You interjected with a joke just a second ago."

"Who said that was a joke?" Dragon deadpanned. Naruto put both hands up in a placating gesture.

"I can tell you're still a little testy." he teased lightly.

"Do you really want to go there?!"

"You're so much better like this! I think it's because you've been pretending to be a guy for so long that you've also suppressed your real self along the way. That's why I'm going to prank you so hard someday that you'll have no choice but to laugh and smile every time I remind you of that moment."

At this declaration, Dragon snorted derisively, but had to grin a little behind her mask.

"Oh? You're welcome to try. You will not succeed though, that I promise."

Naruto cupped his chin in thought for a moment with a foxlike expression that Dragon had to admit was cute on him. Then he grinned wide.

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to get you in the end. In fact, I'm even going to tell you right now what's gonna happen to you at that time when I do."

Present

As the smoke continued to surround Dragon, her clone chuckled.

"So is it what we thought?"

"No...it is worse than that. I wouldn't be able to live this down if Uzumaki actually had seen this." Dragon retorted grumpily just as the smoke cleared. The clone stared for a long moment, before laughing so hard it almost fell to the floor.

This continued on until it was dispelled by its irritated creator.

Dragon's eyebrow was twitching violently behind her mask at her clone's impudence as she processed the rather detailed memory of her entire body clothed in the new outfit from all angles. The only things that remained from before were her mask and balaclava.

The gall of that man! He actually followed through with his declaration!

She was now wearing an adult-sized animal-themed onesie.

It was one of those loose and floppy ones that covered a person from top to feet, with a large hood that had the animal's face and ears. She'd seen them on some people in large sleepover parties she randomly spied on, and actually thought they were cute at those times. However, there was no way in hell that she, the ANBU Commander, would be caught dead in one.

Until now.

To make this worse, this onesie's theme was of a dragon, and not even a respectable-looking one. It was bright neon pink with bright green spots all over, and it had a stubby dragon's tail sticking out from the rear. Topping off the theme was the cartoonish-looking face serving as her hood that covered almost her entire head, even with her horned dragon mask still on underneath. It had stubby horns, stupid-looking eyes, and an unnaturally sugary grin that made her shudder.

She stood there in dead silence for a long moment as she fully processed what her clone had seen. She then silently glanced down at her hands, which were shaped like mittens now. They were shaking.

With the tension filling the air, it seemed like she was going to explode in rage and find the one responsible for this.

"Heh…"

And just like that, the tension disappeared instantly. It turned out she wasn't shaking from rage, but from trying to keep in the laughter that fought to escape. And she was failing.

"HeheheHAHAHAHAHA~!"

She clutched at her stomach with her mitten hands as she doubled over to let out what sounded like soul-cleansing laughter. This went on for a long minute before she managed to calm down.

"Hehehe..that felt good." she muttered with what would have been a dazzling smile had anyone been able to see behind her mask.

In fact, if anyone else had been in the office now, they would've gotten a good look when she pushed back the hood and slowly removed both her mask and balaclava. Shaking out her hair to remove its flatness from being covered by the balaclava for so long, she smiled again as she glanced at a small mirror that she kept on the desk.

"I hadn't realized it felt this good to just smile like that." she admitted softly to herself as she stared at her reflection with that smile still in place. It was almost like she didn't recognize herself. In fact, this brought back fond memories of her old life before she joined the ANBU.

"Thank you, Naruto. I think I needed that once in a while." she said gently, then her grin turned mischievous as she thought up plans of revenge. If Naruto wanted her to show a little of her real self, then he was going have to deal with her playful side.

"Though...don't think I'm going to let this go, you blond bastard." she muttered with a devilish grin that would've made the Shinigami itself flee in terror.

Late night at Naruto's apartment

Uzumaki Naruto's grumpy expression in the mirror would have looked out of place on his face if it wasn't so comical-looking.

He was standing in the bathroom frowning at his reflection. Right now, his usual spiky blond hair had been changed into long, straight, and luscious strands that flowed smoothly like a waterfall down his back. On the front, a hime-style cut and long bangs framed his face. It looked so wrong on him because of his masculine features, his grumpy frown, and the eyepatch.

So wrong that it was so funny.

Hinata, Hanabi, and Anko, the ones responsible for his current predicament, couldn't stop their laughing the whole time right up until they left a little while ago. Kurama was still laughing so much in his mind with no sign of stopping anytime soon that he just cut the mental link in irritation.

Naruto grunted in annoyance as he pulled at the extensions to try to rip them off, but, just as Hinata said, they were of great quality and would tear his natural hair out too if he pulled too hard. He'd have to get supplies tomorrow to safely remove them later.

It wasn't that he was that angry at the women for doing this to him. In fact, he actually admired them. Not many were willing or able to strike back at him after pranking them, so he was happy to take the occasional retaliation once in a while as long as he thought it was funny.

"Heh…" he scoffed with a grin as he took in the luscious locks around his face once again.

"Hinata-chan can be creative in pranks when she wants to be." he muttered to himself. She had picked out this style, after all.

No, what he was mostly upset with was something else. The particular clone he sent out to hide in a certain ANBU's office had dispelled while he was getting his 'just desserts' just as Dragon said. He had scowled so much at the missed chance to see the usually aloof and stoic ANBU in that outfit that it made Hinata and Hanabi nervous. He had to assure them that it wasn't them he was annoyed with, even as they were doing his hair at that moment.

Sighing at the missed image even as he knew he finally got his old nemesis, he turned the bathroom's light off and stepped into the bedroom. Taking his shirt and eyepatch off, he then slipped under the cover grumbling about 'girly hair' and 'missed chances'.

A few minutes later, just as he was about to doze off, he heard an amused snort.

"Nice hair, Uzumaki-san." he immediately recognized the distorted voice even as he shot out of the bed to stand ready in his boxers and his long hair flipping around briefly from the action.

"Dragon! So you're going to try and get back at me for tonight, huh?" he retorted challengingly with his glowing ice blue Sharingan darting around in the darkness for any possible attack. The bedroom was dark and there were plenty of shadows the woman could be hiding in. It was no surprise the top ANBU in Konoha could sneak into his apartment with ease.

"Why would I do that? I just want to...play with you." the disembodied voice replied playfully. Naruto gulped loudly with sweat going down his face. That wasn't her usual aloof and deadpan tone, and she sounded so much more terrifying like this for some reason.

Just then, a flash of something caught his eyes, and he focused his gaze to a shadowy corner of the room that he knew to be usually empty except for a few discarded pieces of clothing; a perfect spot for someone to hide. Just as he was about to slip a hand next to the nightstand for a hidden pair of shuriken, he stilled as he noted a floating pair of glowing red eyes appear in the dark corner. He swallowed down his nervousness.

"C'mon out! I know you're there!" he called out with confidence he did not have. Dragon was one of the true unknowns that never showed the true extent of her abilities around him, so he had no idea what she could do to him.

"You've caught meee." Dragon's voice singsang in that scary tone, and the two red eyes seemed to glow in mirth. She then stepped out of the shadow into the dim light that shone into the bedroom from the window behind Naruto.

His eyes bulged out when he realized she was in that same dragon-themed onesie he managed to slap on her, but missed seeing earlier tonight. His jaw dropped open slowly in utter disbelief as he couldn't imagine why Dragon would willingly show herself before him in that embarrassing outfit.

Wait a minute.

Wasn't the onesie bright pink and green when he made it?

This one was dark blood red with black spots.

As his eyes took in more details, he was surprised, and terrified, to find that the mitten hands and footies have been changed into extremely dangerous-looking clawed gauntlets and talons respectively, and they looked like they could rip him apart in seconds. In addition, the stupid-looking hood had been replaced by a large nightmarish-looking skeletal dragon's head with empty but glowing red eye sockets. Oh, and it also could open its large jagger-toothed maw.

In fact, it was opening up now to show what looked like the threatening glow of fire forming in its throat.

"Shit!" Naruto cursed as he hopped up to the ceiling just as a small fireball splashed onto the floor where he just stood a moment ago. Aside from the small explosion, it was relatively harmless as it didn't burn anything and only left behind a small scorch mark.

Just as he latched on to the ceiling like a spider with chakra in all four limbs, he couldn't resist a terrified shiver as he listened to Dragon giggling -giggling!- at his reaction.

"Oh...this is really fun. I need to do this more often!" she exclaimed happily.

"Oi! This isn't what I was thinking when I got to see you in that outfit! What're you doing?" Naruto shouted down from the ceiling, his long hair hanging down like a shiny and lovely drape.

"Didn't you say this'll make me smile and laugh whenever I remember? Personally, I think I'd be even more happier when I also remember your terrified face. Especially when you're just in those boxers. A nice bit of eye candy to go along with this, wouldn't you say?" she replied, still in that terrifyingly playful voice.

Blushing, Naruto couldn't resist instinctively covering himself up with his arms, forgetting he was battling gravity, and gravity won when he dropped to the floor with a girlish yelp of surprise. Landing on his feet in a crouch, he then immediately dived out the open window to avoid another small fireball that shot from the skeletal dragon head's laughing maw.

He shivered in the slightly chilly night air, but could feel Dragon practically breathing down his neck from behind. He had to twist his body in mid-air to avoid a few swipes at him from one of her dangerous-looking clawed limbs. They then became blurs streaking across the many rooftops of the village as they clashed and evaded each other's attacks and counters with the occasional fireball.

Despite the situation, Naruto couldn't help but smile inwardly as he felt he was truly seeing the 'real' Dragon up close. It was too bad the mask had to be in the way, since he was sure she was smiling brilliantly behind it.

As they continued across the rooftops at high speed, they blew by two standing ANBU patrols, who stared after them in confusion.

"Oi, Sparrow…wasn't that Uzumaki? I guess the one chasing after him in that onesie was one of his victims trying to get revenge." Lizard deduced, and didn't get any response for a moment. He glanced over at his partner, who seemed to be still staring after the two disappearing blurs.

"Sparrow?"

"Uzumaki...in boxers...delicious." his female partner mumbled in a daze. Lizard shook his head with a sigh, before trying to break her out of her fantasy with snapping fingers. He gave this up as a lost cause, and left to go report this strange sighting.

At this point, the 'playing' duo passed near the Sarutobi family house, and the Third happened to be glancing out an open window at this time, confused about the chakra spikes he felt out there. He scoffed amusedly as he recognized the long-haired blonde and even Dragon in that ridiculous outfit.

"It's good to see you having fun once in a while, young lady." he muttered quietly as he watched the two disappear in the distance. Just then, Lizard appeared out of a blur on the roof next to the window. He had been assigned to report anything directly to the Hokage this night.

"Hokage-sama, I just saw Uzumaki-san in boxers with a princess-style hair style, and he is being chased all over the village by a...strange unknown female."

"I believe I just saw them pass by a moment ago, Lizard-san."

"Should we apprehend the unknown person?"

Hiruzen let out an amused chuckle.

"I doubt that would be a very good thing for any of you if you actually attempted it." he muttered. Feeling Lizard's obvious confusion, he waved it off.

"Just have someone follow behind them, VERY far behind them, and write down any property damage they do, then put it on my desk in the morning. I'll bill them later."

Gaiden Omake: It's Still Ain't Over

Naruto, still just in his boxers, sighed tiredly as he leaned back on his arms. He was sitting on the edge of the giant perimeter wall enclosing Konoha as he looked out over the village under the starry night sky.

He finally managed to evade Dragon long enough for her to break off for the night. He knew he wouldn't have been able to get away if she had been serious. She just let him go after she had enough fun.

He had to smirk as he did manage to see her in a onesie, even though it wasn't what he designed. Despite the terrifying modifications, she had been rather cute, especially when she was being playful and giggling.

He thought today was going to be a good memory, even as he flipped his long girly hair over his shoulder.

"Naruto."

His name being called in a dead monotone sent chills down his spine as he straightened up. He robotically swiveled his head around slowly to find a terrifying sight.

An exhausted-looking Hatake Kakashi was standing before him with a dead look in his eye. Adding more to this terrifying image was his right hand hanging at his side that randomly spasmed into three different shapes: a paper, rock, or a scissor.

They stared at each other for the longest minute; Naruto sweating buckets, and Kakashi still staring down at him with that dead eye and his right hand still spasming like crazy.

Suddenly, Naruto's expression switched to a bright and friendly one.

"So...did you win?"

Kakashi's face instantly morphed to his friendly eye-smile.

"After 4,232 matches today, I came away with 2,117 victories to 2,115 losses."

Naruto nodded, still with that bright expression.

"Congratulations."

Kakashi inclined his head slightly.

"Thank you."

After a tense moment of silence between them with their friendly expressions still frozen on their faces...

Naruto instantly dashed off straight down the wall to try to disappear into the village.

Kakashi was already blurring through hand seals. Even with his right hand still spasming, he was able to complete his technique.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

A moment later back at the Sarutobi family house

A snoring Hiruzen was jolted out of his sleep when his bedroom rattled a bit as a loud and deep rumble of spinning wheels, accompanied by feracious barking and a young man's screams, passed by rather close. He groaned in irritation as he rubbed his eyelids. He felt someone appear at the open window.

"Hokage-sama, Kakashi-sempai is now chasing after Uzumaki-san in a chariot pulled by his summon dogs. He looks to be extremely angry and seems rather hell-bent on ending Uzumaki-san's life tonight." Lizard reported nervously.

"And...what do you think any of you can do to stop him when he's like this?" the Third retorted irritably as he rolled over in his bed away from the window. Another one of Naruto's screams echoed into the room at this moment. Lizard shifted uncomfortably.

"Er...I think we were...hoping you'd stop him?"

The old man snorted and waved off the ANBU over his shoulder as he burrowed deeper into his cover.

"I'm too tired for this shit. I'm going back to sleep...and close the damn window!"

Hope you enjoyed this update. I'll be coming along with Chapter 26 before long.

List of Chapters with major changes: (WARNING: SPOILERS! If you want to find out yourself)

Chapter 1 (new Ino scenes)

Chapter 4 (Changed Hiashi's battle with Hizashi to be less anti-climatic, a brief scene with Tomoe)

Chapter 6 (Included Kurama's lecture on Uzushiokagure's history and destruction)

Chapter 8 (Many major changes throughout the chapter...it's probably like reading a new one in some ways.)

Chapter 10 (added new training scenes on the trip, one brief scene with Ino, and a funny scene involving sex education in school)

Chapter 13 (Added two new scenes with Hinata and Anko fighting over Naruto a bit)

Chapter 15 (changed the 'spar' between Naruto and Sasuke a bit, and added a new goodbye scene between Ino and Naruto)

Chapter 17 (Some changes through the latter half of the chapter to increase the emotional impact of Naruto's condition...including a bit more screentime for Anko)

Chapter 18 (added Temari's reaction to rumors of Naruto being hurt)

Chapter 21 (Changed Naruto's reaction to being pranked back, due to the first version being a bit OOC for the Naruto I'm writing. Included a little more Hanabi.)

And...that's it. The rest of the story should look much cleaner with better flow from all the small changes I've made so far.