Author's Note: Because it's been asked, no I will not be continuing Beneath the Masks to include all this. All that angst once is enough. While I do have a lot of notes on why Dick does what he does, most of that will be covered in the conversations before we finish.

Chapter 25.

I woke to the smell of freshly cooked eggs. I found myself face first in a pillow, I must have moved at some point in the night, returning to the human way of sleeping. I lifted my head, blinking at Dick as he held a tray in his hands. "What is this?"

"Breakfast," he said, looking hopeful. "Roll over." I did as he bade, sitting up and he placed the tray on my lap, crawling back into bed with me. He lay on his back beside me and put his hands behind his head. "Eat, before it gets cold."

"You are not having any?"

"I ate already."

"Oh. Well… thank you. You did not have to do this."

"I wanted to," he said. He pulled one hand out from behind his head and trailed his fingers along my thigh. I lifted an eyebrow at that, but did not stop him, just as I had not stopped him from holding me last night. "I haven't been appreciating you… but I know one breakfast isn't going to make up for it."

"Thank you," I said as I picked up my fork.

"Selina's here, did you know?"

I nodded. "I asked her to come. I do not know how to help Bruce."

"I thought that might have been the case. The look she gave me was rather hostile this morning."

I swallowed a mouthful of eggs. "Oh…"

"She was lecturing Bruce though, pretty loudly from his cringes in pain. I get the feeling I have one coming."

I gave a small giggle.

"Probably deserve it too. I called the hospital, Babs is doing okay. I'm going to head in this afternoon to see her."

"Good."

"I apologised to Alfred. You were right, I should have thought about how he was doing. And I called Raven too," he said. "She said she'd be here around lunchtime."

"Oh." I turned to look at him, but he was not looking at me. He was watching his hand caress little circles on my thigh. So much activity, all at once.

"I can't talk to you," he said. "I'm sorry and I know that hurts. You're right and I need to talk to someone. I don't know what's holding me back from talking to you but I hope, maybe if I talk to Raven first, I'll be able to." He looked up at my eyes. "Will you be there? Not, there, there, but close?"

I nodded. "Of course."

He gave me a brief smile. "Thanks." He dropped his eyes back to my leg. "Thanks for sticking around. Even if it's just going to be for a little while."

It was another cloudy day in Gotham, although it was not raining, the sky looked like it wished to. I sat on one of the benches in the gardens while Dick and Raven sat a patio table a distance away with steaming mugs before them. Dick talked while Raven listened, nodding every now and then. My heart jumped a beat when she stretched her hand across the table and he took it. I tried not to watch, concentrating on shredding leaves and grass instead, but it was difficult.

I hoped it was helping. X'hal, I hoped it was helping. It was hard watching someone you loved confide in someone else, even if you know it was for the best. I knew things would not get better quickly, but some sense of improvement would be beneficial. I still did not know if I would be around to watch them improve. Dick was clinging to me, not allowing me any time to be alone and think, but truly, I think I expected that. He did not wish for me to vanish without telling him.

With a sigh, I stood and went for a walk, following the pebbled paths through the gardens.

I discovered Alfred on his hands and knees, digging in a patch of soil around a flowerbed. There were a lot of little pots of baby plants beside him. That had been a surprise, as well as the straw hat upon his head, dirty apron, gardening gloves and big pair of blue overalls covering his suit. "Alfred?"

He peered up at me. He brushed off his gloves, dusted his knees. "Miss Starfire."

I dropped down on my knees beside him, so he would not stand. "What are you doing? Do you not have gardeners?"

He looked back at the garden bed. "There are times when there is nothing for it but getting your hands soiled to help the plants grow."

I pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged them. "Your gardens are beautiful."

He smiled. "They were Mrs Wayne's gardens. I just keep her memory alive." He picked up a little trowel and began digging again. "Miss Starfire, you seem much more melancholy than usual today. Is there something troubling you?"

"In truth, I do not know. There seem to be so many things wrong of late."

"That there is," Alfred agreed. "But I believe it would be much worse if you were not here."

"I do not think I am doing much good. Others are better suited to assist. Selina can help Bruce. Raven can help Dick. It leaves me rather superfluous."

"Indeed you are not," Alfred told me, sternly. "You have laid much stronger foundations than you know, as well as having the presence of mind to ask for help when needed. There is no greater strength than that."

I made a small, sad noise.

Alfred took off one of his gloves and patted my shoulder. "Besides, you have been aiding me, just by your presence. I have enjoyed our morning breakfasts immensely. Do not discount yourself." He offered me his trowel. "There is a sense of relaxation in helping things grow. Would you like to help?"

I shifted so I was kneeling and accepted his trowel. "What do I do?"

"I am preparing the soil for the seedlings," he said. "We need to make it loose so their roots can grow."

There was a therapeutic sense in digging in the garden. Alfred showed me how to prepare the soil so that the little seedlings he was going to plant could grow faster. He demonstrated how to plant a seedling without damaging the roots so it would survive. He showed me the best distance between seedlings. Before long, we had a lovely little bed filled with leafy green plants. Alfred handed me a metal watering can and pointed to the tap where I could fetch water from so we could give the seedlings a drink before we finished. He let me sprinkle the water on the plants too.

I gazed down at the little plants as I watered them. There was a sense of accomplishment behind gardening that I had never known before. It felt nice. Worthwhile.

Alfred excused himself, saying he had to go prepare lunch and I sat on the pebbled path and looked at my accomplishment.

"There you are," Raven said, crunching up to me. She gathered her cape up as she sat down beside me. "We were getting worried."

"Oh. My apologies."

Raven put her arm around my waist and rested her head against my shoulder. "Azar, Star. What you've been dealing with…"

I sighed. "Is he fixable?"

"Oh, yes," she assured me. "He's already better than he was when I got here. I mended his fractured ribs too, Joker smacked him pretty hard."

I winced, I had not even thought he might have been injured. "Oh. Thank you."

"That was a brave thing you did, leaving him alone with the Joker."

I closed my eyes. "Stupidity more than bravery. I could not handle it."

"I would have let him," Raven told me. "I probably would have helped. The man is a monster."

I tilted my head until it rested against Raven's. "He was beating the Joker, Raven. It was not about the killing of him. I could not let him fall like that."

"I see."

"Thank you for coming."

"Uh-ah," Raven scolded. "You're not getting out of it that easily. Your turn to talk."

I sighed.

"Robin's really worried that he's screwed things up too much with you. Are you breaking up?"

"I do not know. I thought I knew what I wanted. But now, everything is confusing. Did I do the right thing?"

"In what way?"

"By staying. Last night I was so certain I should not stay, and yet, I am still here. Should I have simply left him? Should we have broken up already?"

"Ahh… I can't answer that. I know you've done the best thing for Robin's sake. I'm not sure he would have been able to deal with you leaving. But yours? I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think… maybe I do not have the strength. My heart aches at the thought of leaving, but it pains me just as much to stay. It was terrible. The look on his face. The sound of his voice. I have never feared him but last night I did. Intellectually, I know he was the numb and insane with grief, but I still do not know how to overcome what I saw. But at the same time, I love him. I do not know."

"Well…"

"I do not wish to give him false hope either, by staying now and leaving later."

"You should probably talk to him about this."

"Why?" I asked, lifting my head away from her. "He does not wish to speak to me, why should I tell him how I am feeling?"

"Star—"

"I have spent weeks trying to help them both. I spend every day worrying and fretting and trying to speak to him and he ignored me. And then he left me and went after the Joker by himself and it is only then, when he is full of the vengeance and the rage and angry at me that he tells me why he is drawing away."

Raven stared at me, wide eyed.

I took a deep calming breath. "I am sorry," I said remorsefully. "That was mean and petty."

"There's no shame in saying what you feel. You're entitled to your feelings too. Maybe you should come back to the Tower for a while. Get your bearings."

I looked at the pebbles on the ground. "It would be misconstrued. Already he is the clingy."

"Possibly," Raven said. "But you need to do what is right for you."

"I love him," I said simply. "That is enough reason to stay and try, is it not?"

"I think so. It depends, however, if you can get past what he nearly did."

I considered. "I think… it matters more that he listened to me and stopped."

"Then you should tell him that too. Right now, he's second guessing everything he's done lately. Everything. Even your… ah… sexy times."

I flushed. "Oh."

"You're both really emotionally fragile right now, just be aware."

"I know."

"And just know, even if you decide you can't be with him, I'll always be here for both of you. Don't stay with him unless you mean it, even if you're afraid of what it'll do to him. He'll be looked after no matter what."

"Thank you."

Raven lifted her head from my shoulder. "C'mon, let's get you back to him before he panics. I told him to stay put, he's possibly wearing a trail in the grass by now."

Dick was pacing around the patio table he and Raven had been sitting at. He looked incredibly relieved when he saw us wandering toward him. "Hey."

"Greetings."

"I should get back to the Tower," Raven said.

"You don't want to stay for lunch?"

Raven smiled at the invitation. "I'd like to, but Beast Boy's got plans for me, apparently." She kissed my cheek. "Call me," she said as she turned to say goodbye to Dick.

Dick placed a hand on my back as we smiled at Raven, waiting for her raven form to shroud her. When she was gone, I sighed and walked over to the patio table and sat in one of the chairs. "We should speak."

Dick nodded as he joined me. "Yeah, I thought we would. Do you want a drink first? Something to eat?"

"No. Thank you."

Dick shuffled on his chair, it scraped against the ground as he pulled it closer to me, then placed both his hands on the table. "Okay, go."

I sighed and lifted both my legs up onto the chair to wrap myself around them. "I do not know if I did the right thing in staying today. I do not wish to give you false hope. I do not know if I can look beyond what happened last night. But at the same time, I am also very grateful that you listened to me and stopped."

"I see."

"I am very confused. I know that I love you, but..."

"You don't know if it's enough." He clasped his hands together. "Yeah, I get that, you're not the only one questioning everything you've done lately. But thanks for telling me. You need to do what's right for you."

"Raven also said that." I lifted a hand and scratched at the paint on the patio table with a thumb. "How did it go with Raven?"

"Good," he responded. "I got a lot of things off my chest and Raven put a lot of things in perspective for me." He sighed. "I can't promise you that what happened last night isn't going to happen again."

That shocked me. "Why?"

"Tony Zucco," he said and swallowed. "You know how I was a circus acrobat, right?"

I nodded.

"I wasn't just any circus acrobat. I'm the son of John and Mary Grayson. We were the circus acrobatic family. The Flying Graysons. There's never been an acrobatic family like ours. That was until I overheard some guys trying to extort money from Mr Haley, the owner. I was ten. Mr Haley refused to pay and as a result…" He sighed and sat back on the chair, looking away. "The lines snapped. There was no safety net."

I was appalled. "Oh… oh, Dick."

He cleared his throat. "I knew, I tried to tell people what happened, but I was a kid, who listens to a kid?"

"What happened?"

"Well… Batman heard me. He told me I shouldn't say anything, because he knew those guys were part of Zucco's gang and he wanted to bring the whole gang down. Plus, it was a sure fire way to get me killed. He went after Zucco's gang, but I was still… sort of hanging around the circus and Zucco and his gang came back to try to get money again. Batman got captured and I… interfered. I went after Zucco. I was untrained then, but I had a lot of anger. There was a moment, we were up on the platform where my parents had fallen from and he fell. For a split second I let him. I wanted him to pay for taking my parents away from me. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting."

"But you saved him."

Dick nodded. "Yeah. I did. Batman took me on as Robin after that. I can't promise you that last night won't happen again because I know it's in me."

"Oh."

"My friends and family are my Achilles heel, when people go after them… I'll do anything to keep them safe, to keep you safe. I joined Slade to keep him from killing you."

"I can understand that. I know family is important to you. Thank you for telling me about Zucco."

"God, we're being so fucking polite to each other." He sat forward on his chair again and reached across the table for my hand. "Look, Star. I love you. I don't want to let you go. I don't want you to leave. I'll do everything in my power to keep you with me. But you need to decide. I can't make that decision for you."

I nodded.

"If you decide to go, I'll most likely beg and plead and resort to all forms of emotional blackmail to keep you with me," he said with a wiry grin. "But I'd let you go."

"And if I stayed?" I asked.

The smile changed until it was wistful. "You'd be making me a better person and I do everything I could to keep you happy."

I nodded again and looked at the table.

"Sometimes, love isn't enough," Dick said, sounding sad. "I broke your trust. That's really hard to repair, if it's possible at all. You don't have to decide now." He stood, still holding my hand. "We have time. Let's go get some lunch."

"Might I suggest a picnic?" Alfred suggested, placing a basket on the table. I blinked, looking up at him. I had not heard him approach. Alfred gave me a tiny smile. "I believe Miss Starfire has expressed interest in visiting the woodlands."

Dick lifted an eyebrow at me. "Would you like too?"

"That might be nice," I said, intrigued with the idea. "I have wanted to visit since I saw the path."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Now it was my turn to lift an eyebrow at him and Dick cringed. "Did you already ask me?"

I nodded.

"Sorry." He took the basket from Alfred. "Thank you Alfred, I appreciate it."

"One ungrateful man does injury to all who stand in need of aid," Alfred said, rather haughtily, then bowed at me. "Enjoy the walk, Miss Starfire."

Dick watched Alfred walk away. "I think I just got verbally spanked."

"Pardon?" I asked.

Dick looked at me and smiled. "Nothing." He picked up the basket with one hand and held onto my hand with the other. "Shall we?"

I had seen the woodlands from the window of the solarium on my first day at the Manor, but I never ventured beyond the entrance. I am not the most solitary person, if I was to journey into them I would rather have someone to walk with.

Beautiful evergreen trees towered toward the sky, ferns clumped together over the ground, scattered bracken and mushrooms between. I pressed my hand to the rough bark of one of the trees and looked up its length to the dappled leaves at the top of the tree. It was cooler here and had a musty sort of scent, like pinecones and grass.

"Bruce used to train me in here," Dick said. "Jogging was first, but then he started making me scale the trees and leap from branch to branch."

"Is that not dangerous?" I asked.

Dick looked up at the top of the tree. "No." He pointed up. "You can't see it, but there's a wired path up there I used to have to be tethered to until I could do it every time without falling. Bruce made Jason do the loop too."

We ambled along the pebbled path, Dick holding onto my hand. I could hear birds chirping in the trees. A chipmunk or two scurried in the distance, their little mouths stuffed with nuts as the scampered around. I paused to watch them chase each other around, it looked as though they were playing the game of tag, one little chipmunk would run, around and around in a circle, even bouncing off trees, and diving beneath ferns until his friend caught him, then he would give case.

We came across a large, moulded rock feature. Three walls of rock towering up to the treetops, the chasm through the middle almost as big as the Earthen bus. It looked as though there were many hand holds and rivets cut into it. The walls were all different shades, with the rock faces different as well. "Rock climbing walls," Dick explained. "You use your fingers and feet to scale the wall. See how the handholds are all different colours?"

I nodded.

"They're all set paths. Bruce used to call out a colour and I'd have to scale the wall using only that colour. As I got better, he used to change the path in the middle, and I'd have to leap from one wall to another."

"Why is it outside?" I asked.

Dick snorted. "The elements. He wanted me to be able to do this come rain, snow or shine."

I considered the walls. "So, if I said, black."

Dick raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm not really wearing the right shoes."

I shrugged. "If you cannot do it…"

Dick passed me the picnic basket. "That sounds like a challenge," he said. He took of his sweater too, which I held for him, leaving him in a white undershirt and swung his arms in a circle. "Black, you say?"

I nodded.

Dick took a running leap, one hand landing on a black notch in the wall. As I watched he pulled himself up with one hand, swinging upward to the next. His foot extended, briefly landing on a black hold as he pushed himself off that one too. He was like the monkey, springing from handhold to handhold so fast that he was at the top before I realised it.

He paused, one hand and one foot on the wall. He looked around himself, then over his shoulder at the wall behind him. "Colour for coming down?"

I considered, looking at the opposite wall. "Green?"

He flashed me a grin. "Make it harder, Star."

"Blue."

He pushed off the wall immediately, conducting the somersault before a hand landed on a blue marker on the opposite wall. He released, dropped several feet, then caught another, swinging to a third, before he dropped lithely to the ground to grin at me.

"You are amazing," I said.

"Years of practice," he told me, pulling his sweater over his head. "Do you want to try? I could teach you."

"Perhaps later," I replied.

He seemed disappointed as he took the basket from me again and we resumed our walk. We came across a wooden arched bridge over a pond of sorts. I looked into the water at the golden fish within, then considered the way the bridge was built. "Let me guess, he used to test your balance on the beams?"

Dick chuckled. "He never need to check my balance much, he used to end up in the water before I would."

I leant on the banister of the bridge to watch the fish. "It seems everything around here is used for training of some sort. Did you not ever have the fun?"

Dick turned around and jumped up so he was sitting on the beam, putting the basket beside him. "Training was fun."

"No, I mean like the fun you have in the Tower. The games of basketball or the console games. Having pizza, talking to our friends. Normal fun."

"Oh. Well… no not really." He considered. "Well… Bruce and I used to play basketball a bit. One on one… but… no. Not what you would consider to be normal fun."

"I feel sad for you."

"You didn't have the most fun upbringing either," Dick said.

I placed my fists on top of each other on the banister and rested my chin on them. "But I did not know any better way of living."

"Me either, not really. I got to do things most kids only dreamt about, this was the preparation for it. I didn't mind. Besides, if I didn't do all this, I never would have met you." I lifted my head to look at him. He picked up a long strand of hair from my shoulder and stroked it to the end. "Makes everything worth it."

His expression went wistful, his eyes flicking down to my lips. I knew he wanted the kiss, I had seen that look before. I turned away and straightened wandering toward the other end of the bridge. "Are there anymore features you wish to show me in these woods?"

"Yeah, a couple," he said, thumping back onto the wooden planks of the bridge. "We'll stop at the next one to eat, you'll like it."

It was a miniature waterfall, an aquatic garden with its own three tiered waterfall at the far end. Water cascaded down three stages of pools separated by stone walls, into a large pool at the bottom. The rocks were covered in moss and little ferns, with wildflowers planted along the bank. There were several red waterlily flowers in the pond itself and a large grassy area, perfect for picnics or meditating.

I smiled and clasped my hands together. "This is beautiful. Oh, if I had known about this before, what a glorious place to meditate."

Dick grinned. "That's the idea. Makes a nice place for a picnic too." He put the basket down and searched through it, retrieving a large blanket which he spread out on the ground. "We have… let's see… chicken sandwiches, some juice and a fruit platter. Hungry?"

I turned, then walked to sit beside him on the blanket. "Fruit sounds nice."

We ate in silence for a while. Dick had fun tossing the grapes and catching them in his mouth while I enjoyed the more juicer fruits. I tossed a piece of bread in the water from one of the sandwiches, watching as the fish began to feed.

Dick stretched out on the blanket beside me and I felt one of his hands brushing against my back, the touch becoming firmer the more I ignored it. Since I had not objected to any of his previous attempts to touch me, he possibly thought I would not do so now.

I looked over my shoulder at him. "Why did you bring me here?"

He looked confused. "Ahh… Alfred suggested a picnic and you always wanted to come?"

"No, here, here," I said. "To the waterfall. It does seem to be an almost excessively romantic location within this woodland."

"Oh… well…" he flushed.

I swallowed. "Oh."

He removed his hand and sat up. "I just thought it… might be nice, that's all."

"So, you do not have the ulterior motive," I said, giving him a bland look.

He coughed. "No?"

I sighed. "Dick…"

"I haven't been the most attentive guy lately, I know that. I just thought…" He reached out placed a hand against my back. "You know… it might help us get back on the right track?"

"Is it not a bit late for romantic gestures?"

"I hope not." He shuffled closer so our hips were touching, slipping the hand from my back to my outer thigh furthest from him. I sighed and I closed my eyes. Dick touched my chin, little pressures with his fingers as he tried to coax me to turn my head.

I turned it away. "Dick, no," I said mournfully. "It will not solve anything."

"I can do better," he promised, his breath dancing on my cheek. "I can be better."

"This is not the answer."

He pulled away slightly. "But, I thought…" he trailed off, sounding disappointed.

"You thought what?" I asked. "Because I was letting you touch me, I was staying?"

"Well… yes."

"Tamaranian," I said. "Touch. What is there to question? Would you prefer that I went back to the Tower and cuddled against Cyborg so I did not feel so bad?"

Dick looked discouraged. "Oh…"

I sighed. "I still love you, Dick. Your touch soothes me best. I just do not know how I feel about what happened. Until I know that, I cannot kiss you."

"Why not?"

I frowned. "Because it would seem wrong and I would be leading you on and—"

"And you don't think allowing me to touch you is leading me on?" Although I knew he tried to hide it, there was an undercurrent of hurt and anger in his tone.

I sighed and picked up a leaf from the ground to shred and crossed my legs on the blanket. "I thought you were going to give me time."

"I'm trying," he responded. "But you just said you still loved me. If that's true, what else is there to think about?"

"You scared me. You changed the way I see you. I never expected that you would do something like that."

"I'm still me," he insisted. "I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be. Robin's an ideal, the embodiment of all that's just, but there's a human behind the wheel. I make mistakes. I let emotions get the better of me. I get angry and frustrated. I fuck things up royally. It's a burden and a curse. I'm so tired of being put on a fucking pedestal and not allowed to mistakes." He took my hand. "Star, ask yourself something. Would it have mattered as much if it was Red X standing there holding the crowbar?"

I paused for a moment as I considered my answer. "It was not who was holding the crowbar, Dick. Red X or Robin, I would have tried to stop them. The point is that it was you beneath the mask."

"But you only know me as Robin," he insisted, pulling my hand so it was in his lap and he could hold it with both hands. "I have this whole other life you know nothing about. I haven't had a chance to show you what lies beneath the mask."

"And whose fault is that? Secrets can be told. Lives can be learnt. You do not know everything there is to know about me. And if what I have seen these past few weeks is the life you wish for me to learn, then I do not want it."

"But, I didn't kill him," Dick said in a small voice.

I frowned at him. He continually came back to the fact that he did not kill the Joker and I wondered at that. Perhaps he did not understand. "Dick… are you under the belief I am so upset because you nearly killed the Joker?"

He looked taken aback. "Aren't you?"

"Death and war, I understand. The kill can be necessary. I am not innocent of vengeance, I killed many Psions when I escaped from their ship. Most of that was because I could not control my powers, but also, they hurt my brother. I did not try to control myself. If you had simply killed Joker, we would not be having this conversation. I would have accepted that. Even helped, had you requested it of me. But you did not. Cruelty," I shook my head. "I cannot understand. You taunted him. You broke his legs. You asked him how it felt. You said you were to repay every blow. To me, that is torture."

"But-"

"You left me there. You knocked me unconscious and you left me. If you truly wished for him to die, you would have simply done it, whether I was there or not. You wished for him to hurt, like you were. That is what I take issue with."

He still looked confused. "But-"

I sighed. "I understand you wished for me to be safe. I understand you were emotional, caught in the heat of combat. You went after the Joker with a particular mindset and ended up with another. It was skewered the moment he hit you and you went into a rage."

"You really didn't see him hit me, did you?" he asked, curious.

I shook my head. "How many times did you hit him with the crowbar?" I asked.

"Maybe… four? Both legs, a knee and a foot?"

Well, that sounded better than the image in my mind. "Oh… I got there moments before you broke his leg. I came around the corner and you broke it."

He cringed. "Geez… seriously, that's fucking bad timing right there. I'd just managed to get him on the ground, I broke his leg the first time I hit him. I turned around and you were there. I was angry because you'd caught me doing something I knew I shouldn't have been doing and I didn't know… what to do… I had no right to lash out at you like I did, trying to justify my own stupidity. I know what I did was wrong. I'm so sorry for that."

I sighed. "With everything that has happened, I am not surprised. You have been unable to cope for so very long and last night… all your defences collapsed, did they not?"

"You could put it that way. I truly don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted him to stop laughing."

"I can understand that. The Joker is very scary."

"Is that why you were frightened?" he asked.

I dropped my eyes. "Dick, I have seen the look which existed in your face in the faces of many others."

Dick jerked. "What? When?"

"The Gordanians… they are… most unkind to their prisoners and prizes. I was on the receiving end of that look many times before I escaped."

He went white. "Oh… oh Star…"

"For a brief moment… when you held that crowbar…"

Dick swallowed. He finally understood why I was so upset. I could see it in his face. "Oh, God, no."

I said nothing.

Dick cupped my neck, dragged my head until it rested against his. "Starfire, I'd never hurt you."

I sighed. "I know. That is not the issue."

"But… if you've been tortured… I can see… why… you'd be having a hard time seeing me do something like that… even if… fuck it, you're not going to be able to forgive me, are you?" Dick asked rhetorically, sounding rather gloomy. "Not for that. I shouldn't expect you too. Where do we go now? Back to being friends?"

"Dick," I said, grabbing his face, stopped him from moving away. "I am confused. I am angry you could not confide in me. I am hurt that nothing I could do or say helped you. I am upset by what I saw. I need time and space to sort through my feelings. We are hurting, but I… am not certain… we should part… Please, you need to give me space."

He swallowed again and nodded slowly. "Okay."

I kissed his forehead. "Thank you."