He pulled away from her so fast she had to reach out and steady herself on the table to keep from toppling over. And before she could even register the fact that he was leaving she heard the bell at the front of the shop chime. She was alone. But unlike the times he'd left her yesterday, she was in a strange place, and without her sewing machine she had nothing to do. No plans to make, no places to go, no dresses to design. Nothing. For the first time since she had left the hospital, and started this crazy journey, she had a moment to simply catch her breath. She had a moment to let her mind wander, to breathe in the quiet air, to think about how far she'd come, and what had happened since that day.
And what exactly had just happened anyway?!
One minute they were talking about the future, a prophecy, about getting rid of someone who might be a threat to the power that he possessed, and the next minute he was out the door! Did that mean he was going to do it? He had said that he knew who the person was, so was he going to stop them like she had suggested? Obviously he hadn't thought to take her along on this adventure, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to be completely disappointed about that. Although she usually like to watch grand displays of power, impressed by simple intimidation, she had no idea what he was going to do to this person and she wasn't quite sure if it was something she wanted to be present for or not. She'd told him to "get rid" of the person and to "stop" them, but she wasn't sure what that meant she wanted him to do. She knew how it could be interpreted, but that was extreme, even for her taste.
Would he know that though? Surely he wouldn't kill the person would he? Surely he'd know of some other way to stop them. Couldn't he cast a spell and turn the person into a baby again, or hypnotize them to forgetting who he was, or even just make a potion that would make them want to leave town unexpectedly?! Wouldn't that take care of it? Or were prophecies always doomed to come true? She had no idea. She knew nothing about magic, or spells, or prophecies, and the little she'd seen today might have given her some answers about the weird stuff going on in town, but it didn't tell her everything. It was like she'd opened a present and found a key waiting inside that could unlock an entire vault! And that vault…well, inside it was astounding, but also overwhelming and far to big to completely take in all at once.
There was so much that it could offer her! She'd seen her life, her future, flash in front of her eyes as he'd shown her magic. With magic, everything was open to her. She could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone, all without having to spend years toiling away or working her way up the chain the way others did. She might not have known much, but she knew that it was a much better future than the one she had here. Oh, sure, there were people who would tell her it was lazy, that the easy way was never the right way. Obviously those people had never met a man like Mr. Gold, and obviously they hadn't known magic existed. She didn't know a person in the entire world who wouldn't take the easy way if it was offered to them.
Of course, taking this easy way, suddenly all hinged upon whether or not he succeeded. And how exactly he would define success. Her hand automatically flew up to the necklace that hung at her throat. Magic always has a price. That was what he'd told her. The question she found herself asking now was how much was she willing to pay for the future she saw in her head? She unclasped the necklace and held it in the palm of her hand. It was beautiful, there was no doubt about that in her mind. And she could have more. Dozens. Hundreds. Maybe even thousands more than this. But was it worth the stranger's happiness? The stranger's destiny? Was it worth the stranger's life? Her natural instinct screamed at her that of course it was! Why was she questioning this? Everything had changed now that magic was involved. For all she knew the man he'd gone off to defeat had magic too. Survival of the fittest!
But there was a second voice, a faint one, in the back of her head that sounded like her but at the same time didn't. The voice spoke words like what she imagined her mother might say. Nothing was worth the life of another person, no matter who that person was.
No, she wasn't sure what she wanted him to do. And she sure as hell didn't know why it was so important to her!
She barely knew Gold, and yet here she was, hoping that he'd come back alive, that the prophecy wouldn't be carried out, rooting him on. As much as she wanted to pretend like she was thinking it just to ensure her own future, she knew, maybe from that same mysterious voice, that she was worried about his survival. And that was the most curious thing of all. Why would she care? She'd vowed after her mother died she'd never let herself feel something like that again. Compassion was weakness. Caring was dangerous. Love was…an unthinkable impossibility.
She shook her head, trying her best to expel the magnificent thoughts, or maybe just confound the part of her brain that owned that small voice. Love wasn't an issue here. She wasn't sure how it had gotten into her head, but she was certain that it didn't apply to this situation. As for whether or not she was feeling compassion or caring for him…well, loathed as she was to admit it, they were a distinct possibility. But she had no idea where they had come from so quickly. Sure, she'd been having a good time with him. Admittedly, it wasn't all fun and games, that first day had been a complete failure, yesterday had its moments, but with everything that she'd learned so far today it made up for a lot of it! But it didn't explain why she'd feel this way about him after such a short period of time.
Unexpectedly frustrated at the riddle in her head, she flung the necklace onto the table before her so hard it skid across the surface and dropped onto the floor. She really hadn't meant to make the action so violent, but she couldn't help herself. She was just so damn tired of being confused! Ever since that night on the road! First with her memories, then with magic, now feelings?! What the hell was happening to her? It seemed like each time she got an answer five more questions popped into her head.
She left the necklace to wherever it had disappeared to and dropped down onto the cot, letting her head fall into her hands in a frustrated gesture. She hadn't known Gold that long. So why was this so important to her? Why did she care so much about his survival? And an even better question: what would she do about it if he did survive?
What if he did walk through that door in a minute and proclaim that the threat was over? What then? What did he think would happen? He was clearly a lonely man, desperate for human interaction, she'd picked up on that even when she'd been in the hospital. With the last hour or so being the exception, that seemed to be the prevailing character trait. But she didn't know if that change was permanent now that she knew about magic. Still, what if he came back and there was nothing to stand in his way? Would he give her everything that she asked for? What would he require in return? Loyalty? Eternity? Friendship? More? She'd always liked the fact that she wasn't tied down to anyone. The way she saw it she was young and beautiful and if she could use that to help her get something she needed then it would be a shame to waste her natural gifts, just as everyone else was entitled to use theirs to help them get what they wanted. But what if he wanted more from her? What if his price was her? Was her life as she knew it worth her future? Could she take him with her on her journey? Would she go with him? Forever? Arm in arm? Hell, she wasn't even the girlfriend type could she really be…
God, she couldn't even bear to think the word! Of course she'd thought about it. What woman hadn't at some time or another? But she always thought that if anyone could convince her to be in such a relationship, it would be different. Much different. She thought it would be more like her parents, who seemed to smile for days when they went out on something as simple as a date after twenty long years of marriage. She thought there would be something deeper than just the little amount of compassion she felt.
She slumped back against the wall and pulled the pink jacket she'd thrown on the bed into her lap, picking at an imaginary piece of lint. She didn't love him. She liked him, at least she did when he wasn't acting like a timid field mouse. But even then he was spoiling her, so she really couldn't complain about that. Like was something. But she always thought it would be more. It should be more. Maybe if the world was perfect, it would have been.
But as it was, like was all she had to offer. And what was so bad about like? She liked him, it could be much worse! And besides, she liked what he could do for her much more than the idea of losing him. She liked the idea of her dreams. She liked the idea of her future. She liked the idea of her father seeing her on the arm of the richest man in town, eating his words when fashion, as it turned out, wasn't just a career for his daughter, but the best thing that had ever happened to her! So what if like was all she could give. Others had started relationships on much less than like! Arranged marriages. Marriages of convenience. Gold diggers. There was always much less than like involved at the start of theirs, at least she had like.
And who knew? Days ago she hadn't even been in like with him. Time could change things! It could make the unmanageable manageable. The ordinary extraordinary. And, with any luck, it could make like something more. Maybe all they needed was time. Time for him to forget Belle. Time for her to realize that she liked him for something more than the power coursing through his veins. She couldn't make that day come any sooner, but she knew one thing. She had to stop resisting so much.
She had to stop telling herself that it was okay if she didn't feel anything. The little bit of caring and concern she felt for wherever he had gone proved that she didn't feel nothing for him. Now all she needed to do was try and feel more of it, despite the vow she'd made. She needed to at least act a little more caring than she'd been. It wasn't much, but it would be a start. It would be a place for them to begin. It wasn't ideal, but if she could teach herself to love him, and maybe earn his love in return someday, then they both might just be better off than they were that night on the road.
Maybe someday they'd even convince themselves that they were happy.
Sorry, I know it's a filler chapter but in my mind this was an important filler chapter to have because it allows her to slow down and take stock of her life and where she is at because everything has now changed for her. Everything. And that includes her relationship with Gold. I was looking here to mimic Belle in certain places but then also completely contradict her in others. Sort of just to show that even though they are the same person, they are different people. If you go with the theory that the Storybrooke characters were just the Enchanted Forest Characters without their most prominent characteristic, then it is my opinion that what Belle lost was her compassion. It's interesting to see a non-compassionate Belle, and where that lack of compassion would have taken her character. At least it's interesting to me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to my wonderful, beautiful, and awesome reviewers Grace5231973, Onlyinyourdreams77, Deweymay, and LaurieAHancock. Ya'll are amazing, as always. To quote another favorite TV show of mine..."You are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day!" Only with less sarcasm than the original because it's totally true! Peace and Happy Reading!