Disclaimer - They're still not mine and this is a non-profit purely-for-fun story...

Note - Many thanks to Kaeru Shisho, proof-reader and editor par excellence, for all your help with this one, especially the wonderful ideas for the dinner conversation. Grazie, bella!

Moonlight and Candlelight:

Things were - just a tad awkward after Lucca left.

I hadn't realised Heero and I had spent over an hour choosing clothes for each other until we got to the cash desk. At the time, it had just seemed like fun, but from the way the sales staff were very carefully not smirking at us, it was pretty plain that they thought we'd been doing - something else.

Lucca came back to the house with us to collect his car, valiantly trying to keep the conversation going. Heero said hardly anything; I did try to pull off my 'Party Duo' imitation, but it was a bit rusty and when Lucca hugged me goodbye, it was an effort not to drag him inside the house so I'd have some company.

'I'm going to be away this weekend, Duo. Maybe I'll see you next week?'

'I don't think I'll still be staying here. But we could maybe meet up, if you wanted? And you've got to call me if you ever come to the other side of the Atlantic. We've got a huge house and I think you'd really like my friend Leon.'

Heero closed the door and the two of us stood in the hall, carefully not looking at each other.

'I probably should go and do some work for a bit.'

'Right. Sorry I've been such a distraction.'

'Don't be.' He graced me with a slightly tentative smile. 'I enjoyed it.'

'Yeah.' I gestured to my pile of carrier bags. 'I should go and put these away.'

Once upstairs, packing seemed a bit pointless. I was leaving soon anyway, and I'd need some clothes for dinner, if that was still on. Instead, I dumped them all on one of the beds and switched on my laptop to call Trowa. I talked to him for a bit, watching him get ready for the evening's performance, and teasing him about the somewhat scanty costumes, which he promised to bring to Florence with him.

I'd just watched him fade off-screen before I got an incoming message. It was Zechs, looking about as mad as a cat with a wet tail.

'Maxwell, you idiot! What the fuck are you up to? I've just been talking to Theo Fichtner.'

Theo Who? It actually took me a minute to remember who that was. Oh, yeah. Zechs' buddy with the past I didn't want to think about. Purveyor of knacky little weapons and assorted other goodies.

And, apparently, a world class informer.

Damn.

'Well, you shouldn't have given me his number if you didn't want me to call him. And he just got me a couple of little things.'

'Like illegal drugs? Shit, Duo, are you out of your tiny mind?'

'I haven't used them, OK?' I snapped back. 'Look, I wasn't sleeping and I just asked him to get me something that might help a bit.'

'You really haven't taken any? Duo, you're mad. Those things have all sorts of side effects.'

'Well, so does not sleeping for days at a time! You know that.'

'Alright. Fine.' He stopped doing the pacing-like-a-caged-beast thing and collapsed elegantly into an armchair, flicking his hair back. But do you know how furious Wufei is going to be with you?'

'I can imagine, yes. Almost as furious as he'd be if he knew his fiance had made a pass at Heero, don't you think?'

'That's called blackmail.'

'It's called friendship, Zechs.' I explained patiently.' We're friends so we don't want to get each other into trouble, and neither of us wants 'Fei to be upset, right?'

'Right. But I'll get you for this, Maxwell.'

'Oh, please. You're always blackmailing me about stuff.' I grinned. 'Guess you're an easier target now that you're all engaged! Oh, and congratulations, by the way! See, I told you he'd say yes. Don't know why you were so worried about it.'

'We're not formally engaged until I ask him properly. I've told you that.'

'Better get a move on then, in case he changes his mind. You want to tell me what happened with Heero?'

'No.' He actually held out for about thirty seconds before caving. 'Oh, all right. It was ages ago, long before I'd met Wufei.' I nodded, appreciating the importance of this point. Timing is everything. 'I was staying with Relena in Sanque; Heero was there for a weekend and I just - made a subtle suggestion.'

'What did he do?'

'Just gave me one of those incredibly sexy glares and said he wasn't interested. It's not that funny.'

'I can just imagine him doing that...anyway, did you just call to yell at me, or did you want something else?'

'I have a favour to ask. Would you mind if we stayed here for a couple of days? Relena's asked me to attend a state banquet on Monday and I can't really refuse after all the help she's given us. Wufei can fly out to you as arranged if you don't think you can stay there by yourself.'

'Oh, don't be silly. You guys should stay together. Maybe find the perfect opportunity to get down on one knee, huh? It's only for a few days, and things are fine here. You'll never guess what I did today?'

'You either killed Heero, or slept with him,' he suggested promptly. 'Or both. Preferably not in that order, though.'

'Don't be ridiculous!' I scoffed. 'He isn't remotely interested in me.' Of course not. It was five years since we'd broken up and now we were mature adults who could spend time together without bloodshed. 'We went shopping. Look!' I angled the screen slightly, so he could see all the bags on my bed. 'Lots of cool designer stuff.'

'So you finally saw the light. Bruno's eh? Very nice. Duo, I'd better go. I told Wufei I'd meditate with him for an hour in the garden. He'll be wondering where I am.'

'Sheesh, you're so whipped, Merquise. 'Kay, I'll see you soon.' I blew him a kiss and turned the monitor off.

Three more days. With Heero. Just the two of us. That wasn't too long. It would be fine.

My laptop and I ended up downstairs so I could work on the kitchen table and Honey could lie on my feet. After a couple of hours dealing with work stuff, I looked up to find Heero watching me.

'I haven't seen you that focussed on something since the War.'

'Oh?' I logged out and flicked the power off. 'What, you thought that my job was just a little hobby to keep me amused between breakdowns?'

'Of course not.' I'd meant it as a sort of joke, but he spoke just a shade too quickly, and changed the subject straightaway. 'It's nearly eight o'clock, Duo. Did you want to get changed before we go out? If you still want to?'

'Sure, I'll just be a sec.' I closed the lid and looked at him properly. 'You're wearing that shirt I picked out! It looks really good.' He looked, if anything, somewhat self-conscious in the new colour, with his hair even messier than usual. 'Ten minutes, OK?'

The moon was rising as we drove out of the city, one of the fat, full moons that you just want to reach out and touch.

'You still like driving at night?'

'Mmm. I drive along the coast a lot when I'm at home, and just walk on the beach. Sit on the sand and listen to the waves.'

'By yourself?'

'The guys come sometimes, but yeah, mostly by myself.' It was one of the things he'd always understood about me; realising how much I needed to be alone sometimes.

'That sounds nice.'

'It is.' We're both colony brats, both fixated with wild water.

We'd stayed in a resort once in Vietnam, overlooking the South China Sea. Heero had just finished a Preventers' operation in Hanoi City; he'd been exhausted after three weeks working under cover and we'd spent the three days mainly in our little bungalow, lying in bed and watching the slow rotations of the ceiling fan, or sprawled in the double hammock. On the last morning, we'd gone for a walk on the beach and watched the sun rise out of the sea and paint the world pink.

It had been one of those moments you want to collect and close away somewhere safe, so you can take it out. One of those moments when nothing could be more perfect and there is nowhere else in all the universe that you'd rather be.

They're weird things, memories. I'd kept that one carefully packed away for years, but I could suddenly remember every detail, down to the warm sand between my toes and Heero's arm around my waist.

'Duo?' Heero's voice, slightly amused, called me back to the present. 'We're here.'

The restaurant was lovely; a little place up in the hills, with a vaulted ceiling and frescoes on the walls, and a great view of the city lights below.

It was the sort of place I'd once hated going to; Heero had always attended all sorts of fancy functions with Relena and he'd never quite understood how uncomfortable I'd felt going into a five-star restaurant, and having to watch him like a hawk to see what fork to use, or how I was supposed to eat certain dishes. Guess a lot had changed since then.

At Heero's suggestion, we both chose from the Menu Gastronomico; five courses of local specialities.

'Everything sounds wonderful, doesn't it?' I was trying not to drool over the menu; something that tends to be frowned upon in exclusive restaurants. 'Goat's cheese soufflé with caramelised walnuts and poached pears. I think I'll have that to start. And then the mousse with porcini mushrooms. Or possibly the chicken liver crepes?'

'I'll get the crepes if you like, and we can share. You should try the roast boar for your main course,' Heero advised.

'In a sauce made from chocolate, pine nuts, raisins and rosemary? OK, that sounds interesting. And pasta with truffle sauce. What are you having?'

'The guinea fowl with stewed plums and almonds.'

'Wow. I want everything on this menu. Can I try a bit of your guinea fowl when you get it?'

'Of course. Are you ready to order now?'

'Absolutely. I'm starving.'

I couldn't resist showing off a little over the wine list; not that I'm a connoisseur or anything, but Zechs had taught me quite a lot over the past couple of years. Anyway, the head waiter, who was all spruced up in an actual tux (it always seems weird to me that people get dressed up like that, just to carry trays of food around) seemed pretty impressed.

Our first courses looked superb, exquisitely prepared and presented, and as soon as I saw Heero's I knew that was what I should have ordered.

'Finally managed to shake off your liver phobia, then?' I teased, leaning over to filch a forkful of his filled crepe.

'Well, it took a few years,' he grinned at me. 'You remember? That safe house where Quatre insisted on cooking?'

Even six years later, I couldn't help shuddering. We'd both seen truly horrific sights back then, but Heero always claimed that he'd never seen anything so repellent as what Quat had managed toachieve with a pan full of liver and spinach. He'd told me, after he'd finished throwing up, that it had reminded him of horribly mangled bodies, spilling entrails and organs.

'Then you tried to make him feel better by telling him you'd eaten worse on the streets, and he got really upset.'

'God, yeah, I'd forgotten about that. I was never really sure whether he was sad that I'd had to live on garbage, or he thought I was saying it tasted better than his cooking.'

'I think you talking about how rats tasted didn't help. Duo, if you really don't like your cheese soufflé, we can trade.'

'But I like them both,' I took another sneaky forkful of Heero's delicious, yummy food before he could object, noticing that our waiter, who'd come over to refill my wine glass, was walking away from our table rather rapidly, one hand clapped over his mouth. 'What are we having next? That mousse with the mushrooms?'

Heero laughed. 'At least, we're both having the same thing. I might even get to eat some of my own food this time.'

'I didn't eat it all!' I objected, tapping his knuckles with my fork. 'Maybe you just have to learn to eat faster.'

'Maybe I should have brought you to a sushi bar instead? Then at least I'd be sure my food was safe. Remember that place in San Francisco?'

'Nope, I actually like sushi now, so that wouldn't work. Anyway, that incident was totally your fault!' I objected. 'You never told me I was eating raw fish, until I was half finished. I absolutely refuse to accept any responsibility for that one.'

'But you'd been enjoying it up to then! This mousse is quite nice, don't you think?'

'Be nicer if the mushrooms were fresh instead of dried,' I commented. 'It's OK, though.'

'Since when did you turn into such a gourmet?'

'Oh, that's Zechs' influence. He cooks a lot and he's obsessed with only using fresh ingredients. D'you want to taste some of my boar? The sauce is really good. I'd never think of using chocolate for something like this.'

'You've actually learned to cook? You? The Duo Maxwell who once served me mashed potatoes with peanut butter!'

'God, no. Of course not! But I like looking through recipe books and pretending I could make the stuff.'

'I do that as well,' Heero admitted. 'But I do try actual cooking sometimes. Will you try some guinea fowl?'

'No thanks. I don't want to eat a poor little birdie.'

'Well, try some of the stewed plums anyway. They're excellent. And don't you mind eating a poor, helpless little piggy?'

'Boars aren't bloody helpless! Sheesh, d'you remember that time in Switzerland when that bloody great boar charged into our campsite? We emptied God know how many bullets into it before it keeled over and it gave you that massive gash on your leg.'

'I still have a scar from that.' He grinned suddenly. 'You said it was probably an OZ boar and it was on a mission to kill us.'

'Probably was too. You're right, these plums are yummy. Any chance of some more?'

'Would refusing do any good?'

'I doubt it. That boar we killed tasted good, though, didn't it, roasted over the fire? With those mushrooms you found? The ones I thought were poisonous.'

'I - I really liked that night,' Heero said, a little hesitantly, 'Just the two of us, sitting around our fire, and watching the stars. I'd never seen so many stars, not from Earth.'

'I think you're leaving out a few little details there. Like you were wounded, there were OZ patrols out there hunting us, and all kinds of dangerous wild animals, and we didn't have any food supplies and Wing was really badly damaged. But, yeah, apart from all that I guess it was kind of fun.'

I - was leaving out a few little details of my own. We hadn't had a tent, but we'd zipped our two sleeping bags together - which Heero had joked was a major commitment - and we'd slept under all the stars that blazed in the sky.

And before that, we'd both stayed awake for rather a long time.

I have…some pretty damned odd ideas of what's romantic.

'Did you even think back then that we'd ever end up eating in a fancy place like this?'

Heero shook his head. 'I don't think I believed I'd survive, that either of us would. And if I did, I - just thought that we'd be together. That was all I wanted.'

'Yeah.' I couldn't bring myself to look up from my plate, carefully arranging the leftover food into a pattern, until the waiter brought our next course.

'Duo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil things.'

'It's OK.' Still not looking up, I twirled a ribbon of pasta around my fork, realising I wasn't hungry any more. 'It's just that - I wanted that too, you know?'

Heero excused himself soon after that to go the bathroom as the waiter came to take our desert orders - walnut and fig tart for me; a selection of cheeses for Heero.

'I trust everything is satisfactory, sir?'

'It's all perfect. Thank you so much.'

'It's our pleasure, sir. We pride ourselves on being a most popular place for couples to enjoy that special occasion. Why, there were two engagement announcements just last night! Well, I'll be back with your desserts and… may I recommend two Irish coffees as a fitting end to your meal?'

What the fuck?

OK, I managed not to say that out loud. In fact, I managed to thank him again, and say that we'd order coffee after dessert.

Couples? Special occasion? WTF?

It was just a meal. Wasn't it? Nothing else?

I waited for Heero to come back and practically bolted to the bathroom; at least, I'd remembered my cellphone for once. Seriously needed some advice on this one and of course he wasn't answering his 'phone when I called.

'Zechs. Need to talk to you. Privately. Urgent.'

By the time I'd washed my hands, and dried them on a nice little linen napkin, he'd called back.

'What's wrong, Duo? You haven't killed Heero, have you?'

'Worse than that!' I hissed. 'Wufei's not listening, is he? OK, he's taken me out for dinner and I think we're on some sort of date.'

Wufei would have hit the roof. Zechs only said 'Why?'

'God, I don't know. He probably wants to screw my life up again.'

'Maybe he just wants to screw you?' Zechs suggested idly. He let me recover from my sudden choking fit before going on. 'What I meant was, why do you think it's a date?'

'We're in this really nice little restaurant out in the country, I think it's an old palace or something and there're candles everywhere, and he's just being really - I don't know - nice and attentive, and the waiter said it's a very popular place for couples to come if they want to go somewhere private…'

'It's not called La Caravella, is it? I've been there. It's quite charming. They even have a couple of bedrooms upstairs. Very romantic, four-poster beds and fireplaces everything. I brought 'Fei there the first time we were in Italy and we…'

'Yes, I'm sure that was lovely for you both,' I said tartly, cutting him off before he veered off into happy memories of whatever they'd done in their four-poster bed. 'Can we concentrate on my problem for now?'

'Duo. You have a hot guy hitting on you. That's not a problem; that's an opportunity.'

'Did you miss the bit where it was Heero? Remember him? The evil guy who broke my heart and whom we all hate.'

'Well, actually it's really only Wufei who hates him. You don't, do you?'

'Um, yes and no.'

'More yes than no?'

'Probably.' I sighed. 'Zechs, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how I feel. I can't do that again. There is no fucking way on God's earth that I can survive losing him again. I just can't. Even if he is serious, and I'm not just picking up on all the wrong signals.'

'Why did you call me then? If you're so sure about all of this, why don't you just tell Yuy to shag off, that you're not interested and wouldn't be if he was the last man in the universe?'

'I don't know. I don't know what I should do.'

'Duo, I can't tell you what to do. For one thing, Wufei would kill me if he thought I'd encouraged you. You're the only person who knows how you feel. The only thing I'm going to say is that, if I'd met Wufei properly during the war, there is no way we'd be together now. We probably wouldn't have liked each other.'

I was still trying to unravel that, when he started again. 'We were lucky, Duo. Lucky that we met at a time when we'd both started to move on from the War, become people apart from being killers. You're not fifteen anymore, you're not the person you were back then, and nor is he. But you can't spend the rest of your life scared to take a chance. If Heero hurts you intentionally, then I will kill him with my bare hands. I promise you.'

'Nah, I can do that myself. Nice thought, though. God, what am I going to do?'

'Well, if God doesn't know, I'm not sure if I do. Maxwell, this is probably a terribly radical notion for you, but you could actually talk to him. Have you ever considered that?'

'Hah hah. Anyway, this is all insane. There's Trowa.' Fuck, I'd totally forgotten him. Forgotten I had a boyfriend.

'One word, Maxwell. Threesome.'

'No thanks.'

'You're so boring, Duo. Don't knock something 'til you've tried it.'

'Oh, really? And your fiance knows all about this, does he?'

'Point taken. It was a long time ago and I've totally forgotten all about it,' he intoned solemnly.

'That's better. So, advise me. Come on, you're always telling me what to do!'

'I told you. Talk to Heero. If he is interested in getting back with you, tell him what you've just told me and see what he says. Where is he anyway?'

'In the dining room. I'm in the restroom.'

'He probably thinks you have a serious problem being in here all this time! Listen, Duo, Heero obviously has some sort of feelings for you. Agreed?'

'You really think so?'

'Yes, you moron! I really do think so. He bullied my poor sister into telling him where we were; he flew all the way to India to find you and bring you back for that stupid court deadline; he's letting you stay with him and he's brought you to one of the most romantic restaurants I've ever been to. I think he still likes you.'

'But he…'

'Don't, Duo! If you start talking about things that happened seven years ago, I'm hanging up. You can't change the past, OK? I probably know that better than anyone. But if you have any sort of feelings for him, I think you would be insane not to give it another shot. Provided you can get all that past stuff out of the way. And if you tell Wufei I said any of that, I'll deny it.'

'OK.'

Fuck.

Did I want to do this?

Just go back out to Heero and tell him - what exactly?

I love you and I want us to try again but I still hate you for what you did and I'm terrified you'll hurt me again and there's no way I could go through that again and by the way, it's all academic anyway because I've got a boyfriend and I don't cheat.

And I've spent the last five years making a life that didn't involve you and the only way to do that and stay sane was to convince myself that you didn't want me, and I had to learn to live without you.

Or not say anything at all? Everyone always says you should just talk about things, but words aren't all that reliable, not really. They get tangled and twisted and don't always say the things you mean them to.

I could just go out there and - touch him. Stroke his hair back from his face, the way I'd used to. Kiss that oh-so-sensitive little spot, just behind his ear. Get down on my knees under the table and give him a blowjob.

'I can't do this.'

I'd been standing with my forehead pressed against the cool, smooth tiles. I wasn't quite sure why I was suddenly sitting on the floor, with the 'phone lying by my feet.

'Duo! Duo? What's happened? Maxwell! 02, report? 02? Status?' Zechs' voice, obviously wanting to sound commanding but threaded with worry. 'Duo! Talk to me!'

'I'm OK.' Deep breath. And another. 'Sorry, I just sort of - ' Sort of had a teensy panic attack.

Oh hell and damnation. Not good.

'Just - don't hang up, all right? Please?'

'Of course not. I'm here, Duo. Just concentrate on breathing. You're safe, you know that.'

'OK. I'm back.'

Very audible sigh of relief. 'What the fuck happened?'

'Not sure. Just thinking about Heero. Stuff. See now why it's better off for me not to get involved with him?'

'Is it?'

'Yes! I - look, Zechs - you do not know what I was like when I lost him before. I can't do that. Not to me, not to you guys.'

'Duo.' Another sigh. 'You have got to stop hiding from this at some point . Either you talk to him and see if there is any chance of the two of you getting together, or else you are going to have to make a decision to forget about him, and move on.'

'Oh, right. That's so easy for you to say, is it? Would you be able to do that, if you lost 'Fei? If he left you. Just move on and never give him one more thought?'

Shit. Double shit. Really shouldn't have said that.

'If he left me, I would do everything in my power to get him back. Everything.'

'Yeah. Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry. It's just - we weren't happy, Zechs. He really hurt me, you know?'

'And you were perfect, were you?'

'What? No, I wasn't - perfect, but I tried, OK? I tried so fucking hard to be the person he wanted and it wasn't enough. Ever. I was never good enough.'

'Maybe - maybe he didn't want you to change, Duo? He fell in love with the person you were, surely?'

'Once, maybe. All he ever did, the year after the war was complain and criticise me. All the time.'

'You know, Duo, considering you're one of the strongest people I've ever met, you really make yourself out to be a victim sometimes. I don't know what exactly happened with you two, but no one forced you to stay with him. Or to try to mould yourself into someone you thought Heero wanted. Why don't you go back out there and see if he likes the person you are now? That's all. Don't jump into bed with him, just go and see if you even like him any more. And take it from there.'

There were a few moments after he'd hung up when I seriously considered sneaking out and stealing a car and just driving. Anywhere. Stupid, clueless Duo. God, of course, he'd meant it to be some sort of date. I was even wearing the clothes he'd chosen for me earlier.

I went back to the table with absolutely no clue how I was going to handle this.

Heero - does not fidget. Ever. Now me, let me a paper napkin or a beer coaster and in no time at all, I have enough confetti for a society wedding. So it was very weird to see Heero methodically reducing the label from his water bottle to spaghetti.

'Duo, are you alright?'

'Sure.' I sat opposite him, and he swept the pile of paper shavings on to the floor. I wasn't quite sure what to say.

'I ordered you an Irish coffee. But I can get you a hot chocolate or something else if you prefer.'

'No. This is fine.' We both drank, put our glasses down; he opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind and picked up his glass instead, twisting his fingers around the stem. 'You could just say it,' I suggested gently.

'I don't think I know the words for what I want to say.' He slid one hand across the table, not quite touching mine, close enough that I had only to stretch my fingertips to brush his skin.

'I - I don't think I do either.'

That was when his 'phone rang.

'Yuy here. Trowa? What's the matter? Quatre's done what?'