Dislcaimer: I don't own Twilight or "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Just so you know.
Chapter 24 – Debauchery Ensues
EPOV
Lunch with my parents was interesting, to say the least. Bella was preoccupied the whole time, refusing to make eye contact with anyone except Jasper. She seemed better after my mother followed her to the bathroom, though she was still distant.
Our rooms were all on the same floor, so hopefully we wouldn't disturb anyone if and when the wedding festivities got out of hand. Bella and Jasper took my mom to help decorate while the rest of us joined Charlie, Seth and an already three-sheets-to-the-wind Emmett at the pool area.
"Nice to see you, Dr. Cullen," Charlie greeted my dad with a rough pat on the back and handed him a beer. Dad smiled and nodded as he leaned against the bar next to Charlie, knowing that was about as much emotion he was going to get out of him.
While Seth tried to convince the cute bartender that he was twenty-one, I watched Masen sit on the edge of the pool. Emmett sat beside me and pointed out women he thought were "doable".
"Emmett, you're being disgusting." I had to laugh after he pointed out a woman in her forties who clearly should not have been wearing a two-piece.
"What? I'm just trying to get my best friend some quality time with a pretty lady. Rose's cousin will be here for the rehearsal, you know… maybe you can get her to call you 'Daddy' -"
"Emmett! CAN IT!" I yelled so loudly it startled him into spilling his drink down the front of his t-shirt.
"Dude. I'm just saying. Bella's always flaunting her relationship in front of you; maybe you should do the same. Make her jealous and see what happens."
"I have no reason to make Bella jealous," I grumbled and he barked a laugh.
"Dude. I'm not slow; I know what's going on. I see the way you two are around each other."
"I really don't want to discuss this with you."
"Well, are you going to discuss it with her? Before she makes a huge mistake?" He set down his drink and looked me square in the eye, serious now.
"I can't – it's not that simple." I turned away from him, my eyes back on Masen, who had kicked up enough water on himself that he was soaked from the waist down.
"I know it's not. I just… worry about the two of you."
"Just worry about me for right now, because I think she might kill me when she sees that." I pointed to Masen as he walked toward us with a huge grin on his face: he was soaked, neck to toes. Emmett laughed as I picked up my son and his shoes, nodded to the others, and carried him inside. Masen smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, his wet clothes soaking my shirt.
"You know, you should only swim in a bathing suit," I told him as we made our way through the hotel.
"Or naked," he quipped. "That's what Uncle Emmett says."
"Don't always listen to your Uncle Emmett; he'll get you into trouble," I muttered and he nodded seriously as if he knew what I meant. I finally found the reception hall where the girls were busy decorating. I set Masen down and he promptly ran to Bella and threw his arms around her.
"You're all wet!" she laughed as she bent down and kissed his face. "Silly boy, you know weasels can't swim without their suits."
"I didn't swim; I just sat on the edge." He smiled up at me and I shook my head.
"It must've been those crazy dolphins in the pool that splashed you, huh?" I teased him.
"Daddy, you know there aren't dolphins in the pool." He rolled his eyes and everyone laughed. "It was the sharks. They're mean."
"If there are sharks then I'm not sure I want to take you swimming…" I trailed off and put on my best scared face.
"Oh! Did I say sharks? I meant… um… seals. Yeah, seals. They're not mean." He stood in front of me now, hands gripping my half-soaked t-shirt.
"Ask your mom," I said quietly. He turned to her with pleading eyes.
"Of course, baby." Bella smiled and handed me the key to her room.
"Thanks Mama!" Masen cried as he jumped up and down in circles around me.
"Don't forget -"
"- sunscreen!" I finished for her as I scooped Masen up and set him on my shoulders. "I got it." I winked at her and waved to everyone else before heading out.
BPOV
I watched Edward walk away and felt my face burn. He winked at me, the fucker. When we were in high school he would wink at me from the football field. He said it was our "secret code", though everyone knew. Well, they either knew what it meant or thought he had a nervous twitch, one or the other.
Edward winking at me only reminded me of him being eighteen, sweaty, dirty, and absolutely delicious in a blue and gold uniform. How when he'd hugged me he'd smelled like dirt, grass, and sweat, and his kisses were warm and salty…
"Bella?" Leah's voice broke me from my thoughts. I turned to see them all staring at me, though Alice's smirk earned her a dirty look. She merely shrugged and went back to tying dark pink ribbons on the chairs with Jasper.
"Hmm? Were you saying something?" I asked my stepsister and tried to busy myself with the name cards I was supposed to be placing.
"I was just wondering where James was," she said softly.
I met her dark eyes and frowned. "He's working. He'll be here later," I mumbled, and adjusted the same place card I'd been "placing" since Edward left.
"I'm sorry," she muttered and looked away.
"It's fine. He just forgot to take the day off. He'll be here… maybe tonight," I said, though my hands thought otherwise as they unknowingly crumpled the card I'd been holding. Oops. Alice had worked so hard on writing them all.
"No big deal." Rosalie tried to reassure me. "Who was it?" she asked and I looked down, and then snorted.
"Lauren Mallory?" I scoffed and crumpled the card up even more. I tossed it into a pile of trash we collected and Esme smiled and shook her head. "Stupid Emmett, he must've wanted bloodshed at his wedding."
"What?" Rosalie asked through a laugh. I grimaced, not really interested in reliving the stories.
"Lauren spent the better part of high school making Bella's life miserable… and trying to get her trashy claws into my brother," Alice said from across the room. I smiled at her, grateful that she took the initiative.
"But my baby boy only had eyes for Bella," Esme spoke softly. I turned to her and she gazed back with knowing eyes.
"Please…" I snorted, trying to ease from the seriousness of the conversation. I can't do this.
"It's true, you know," Sue added.
"Really?" Rosalie asked, though her tone was incredulous as much as it was inquisitive. She wanted to know more about Edward.
"Oh yes," Esme grinned as she arranged the flowers in the middle of the table, "since he was about sixteen. It was the summer Bella got her braces off. Do you remember that?"
"Of course I do! He didn't speak to me all summer!" I said, resentful.
"He was so nervous around you," Alice laughed at the memory. "I don't think he could speak."
"He never told me that," I said softly. I sat down and picked at a spot on my jeans. So his feelings had started that early… well, mine had too. "I remember that… that was the summer he joined the football team and he walked around with his shirt off all -"
"-The time!" Alice and Esme chorused with me.
"He was so adorable… and so afraid of what his feelings meant," Esme said quietly.
"He was beautiful. Is beautiful," I mumbled the last part.
Leah patted my knee from the spot she'd taken on the floor. She smiled slyly. "He's still very pretty, yes." I shoved her head playfully.
"So? How long did it take you to get together?" Jasper's voice cut through the air, startling me. I'd forgotten he was even here. I turned to find him sitting backwards in one of the chairs, his chin resting on the back of it, eyes curious. Alice playfully slapped him in the back of the head and he momentarily looked shocked, and then grinned.
"What? It's a good story!" he defended himself.
"With a shitty ending…" I muttered.
"You don't know that." Rosalie spoke for the first time in the few moments since the conversation had started.
"Rose, please," I sighed, and she shrugged.
"I'm just saying, Bella… I wouldn't give up that easily if I were you."
"I'm engaged, in case you've forgotten."
"I didn't forget. But maybe you should… talk to him."
"Who? James? We talk all the time." I got up from my seat and continued my job of placing names.
"No. Edward." She rolled her eyes.
"We talk all the time, too," I reminded her.
"You talk about Masen and work and the weather, for crying out loud."
"Well, I mean, isn't that what we're supposed to talk about?" I asked her.
"Maybe you should talk about how when you walk into a room he can't keep the smile off his face or how you turn bright red any time he touches you."
"Rose…"
"Or how you look at him when he's with your son and how he suffers through family dinners with James just to be with you and Masen or how he's still in -"
"That's enough, Rosalie." And it wasn't me that spoke. Sue placed a calming hand on Rose's shoulder. "Bella's a grown woman. She makes her own decisions. The past is the past, so let's keep it there. This is a happy weekend, so get happy, dammit," my stepmother said with a tone of finality. Rosalie smiled and nodded before she kissed Sue's cheek softly.
"I think this day calls for cocktails, agreed? Jasper, come and help." Esme flitted out of the room, very Alice-like, and Jasper followed with a nervous look.
"I'm sorry, Bella." Rosalie spoke softly, giving me a sidelong glance and a half-smile.
"Don't be. You're right." I tried to smile, though my insides were suddenly fighting a war. My head was pitting itself against my heart, and I knew no matter who won, the outcome would be bloody.
xXxXxXx
EPOV
Damn. My kid had energy. I was thoroughly exhausted after chasing him around the pool area for two hours. He really was a little too friendly to everyone, especially half dressed women. I swear he had more of Emmett in his personality than he had of Bella and I combined. But that was a good thing. (Most of the time.)
After I finally convinced Masen that if we didn't go upstairs we'd miss the party that night, I snuck off to my room for a nap. When I woke up I showered and dressed for the rehearsal dinner. I wasn't in the wedding, but Emmett had informed me that I was part of the family and had to go…which was fine with me. I threw on a pair of jeans and a white button-up, black belt and black shoes – Alice would be proud – and headed to Bella's room to see if she needed help with Masen, knocking quietly on the door.
It opened, just a crack, and one big brown eye looked out at me. "Oh, thank God someone is here," Bella sighed, opening the door enough to let me in before closing it quickly behind me. "We fell asleep and we're running super-late. Can you dress your son? He's being… difficult." She whispered the last word and it took me a moment to respond because my brain was still trying to process her appearance.
Her hair fell past her shoulders, curled and shiny and, though she didn't need it, her face was accented with just the right amount of makeup. Longer lashes, fuller lips, rosy cheeks. And she was only wearing a towel… Jesus hell.
"Is that okay?" she asked again.
I blinked and tried to turn my focus away from her. "Um… uh, yeah. Where are his clothes?" I nearly stuttered the words. She pointed to the sofa in the small living area of the room. Masen's clothes and shoes were sitting on the arm of the couch and he was laying smack in the middle. His tiny feet were at the top of the couch and his head dangled off the edge, tired eyes focused on the television. He was clad only in a white undershirt and a pair of boxer shorts. Yup, he definitely had a lot of Emmett in him.
"What's going on, kid?" I took a seat next to him and tickled his bare feet.
He didn't flinch. "Nothing." He addressed the television screen, not turning his head to talk to me.
"Come on." I pulled him up by his arms and settled him in my lap. "Tell your dad what's wrong."
"I'm tired," he whined, and I rolled my eyes.
"You took a nap, you shouldn't be tired."
"Mommy woke me up too early." He poked out his lower lip and I frowned. Mommy? That wasn't like him.
In a last-ditch effort to make him laugh I lifted him in the air and blew a raspberry on his exposed stomach. He giggled quietly and wrapped his arms around my neck when I brought him down.
"I'm scared about being in front of all those people," he whispered. "What if I mess up and they laugh at me?"
Ah, so there was the problem. I rubbed his back in soothing circles, fully understanding his attitude and refusal to get dressed. "You'll be great. And I'll be out there watching you."
"What if I mess up?" He pulled back to look at me.
"Are you kidding me? You're going to look so awesome no one will even notice if you mess up!"
Masen frowned while he thought about that, and then shrugged. "Okay." He crawled out of my lap and started to pull on his clothes. He nearly fell off the couch as he tried to pull on his seersucker pants while lying down.
"You're so goofy." I chuckled as I stood him up in front of me to help him.
"I know." He grinned as I pulled a white polo over his head. He tucked it in while I smoothed his hair then sat on the coffee table in front of us so I could put on his little Sperry Top-Siders. He looked like he'd just stepped out of the Crewcuts catalog (not "J. Crew for midgets", Alice had informed me, which is what I'd called it until then).
"Perfect." I kissed his head and he sprung from the floor and into my arms. We fell back against the couch cushions and I held him as tightly as I could without accidentally suffocating him. He was absolutely perfect. I couldn't ask for anything better than him, nor would I ever even dream of it.
"Ready?" Bella stepped out of the bedroom in a fitted black cocktail dress that hugged her body and stopped just above the knees. I watched her walk in those sexy as fuck black heels to the television and turn it off. "Well? Are we ready?" she asked again, hands on her hips and a smile on her face.
Masen untangled himself from my arms and stood at the end of the couch, his knees resting on the arm. "You're so pretty, Mama," he whispered.
She smiled as she took his face in her hands and smoothed his hair then kissed his forehead. Her eyes met mine over his head and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.
Perfect.
"Thank you, baby," she whispered softly after tearing herself from my gaze. "Let's go." Bella held out her hand to Masen and he gleefully jumped off the couch. I followed, still feeling a little starstruck.
We rode the elevator down in silence while Bella and Masen pretended to dance to the horrid music playing around us.
BPOV
I twirled Masen around the elevator and laughed, the sound of it echoing through the small space.
He grinned up at me as the doors dinged open. "You're a good dancer, Mama."
"You're a good partner." I took his hand and glanced back at Edward as we exited. He smiled at me, and my heart, which hadn't stopped its rapid beating since we left the room, faltered a little and then sped up again. It was pounding double-time now. I couldn't shake the feelings I'd gotten from the look he gave me. He'd sat on that stupid couch, just looking at me with that stupid smile… that amazingly perfect, gorgeous smile.
The one where only the corner of his mouth lifted up but his eyes shone like a kid on Christmas morning.
Yeah, that one.
It was a smile like that that made me wonder if what Rosalie said had any value to it… I planned on continuing my thoughts until we reached the hall where the wedding would take place and my fluttering heart stopped altogether. She's here. Renee is here. I started to panic but Edward's hand found the back of my neck and he rubbed soothing circles with his fingers. I was amazed at how calm his touch made me… still. I fought the urge to smooth away the frown lines that had marred his handsome face.
I watched as he lifted Masen into his arms then took my hand in his free one. I glanced down as our fingers laced themselves together and watched as he lifted our hands and gently kissed mine.
"Ready?" he said softly against my skin.
I nodded slowly as he lowered our hands and took the lead, moving us forward to the small crowd.
Renee stood beside Emmett, her hand on his arm, a smile on her face. I couldn't remember the last time I saw my mother smile. I knew it was in the days before she left, but that's all. She looked exactly like the last time I saw her, at my own high school graduation, beautiful and poised with wavy hair and bright eyes.
Emmett finally caught my gaze, or rather, glare, and he smiled tentatively at me. Edward set Masen down without letting go of my hand and bent down to his level.
"Go find Carlisle; he always has candy in his pockets," Edward whispered with a smile. Masen nodded and ran off through the few people that were separating him and his newly discovered grandfather.
"Now or never, kid." Edward said softly into my hair. I met his eyes and smiled, something in them giving me the courage to make my feet move.
Edward gripped my hand tightly as we approached them and Renee's focus turned away from Emmett to me.
"Isabella," she whispered and I cringed internally.
My voice was scratchy as I greeted her with a forced smile. "Renee."
"Can I get a hug from my baby girl?" she asked softly. I stepped forward and she wrapped her arms around me, though awkwardly because of Edward's death grip on my left hand.
"Edward Cullen." She breathed his name and eyed him up and down. Edward shifted uncomfortably and I stifled a laugh and squeezed his hand back. "Well. You certainly grew up, didn't you?" She smiled at him and Edward chuckled and ran his free hand through his obnoxious hair.
"Yeah. I guess I did." He smirked and held out his hand to shake hers. She shook it, then glanced between us at our joined hands and raised an eyebrow.
"And that poor kid, looks just like him." Emmett said, meaning to tease about Masen. I watched something tighten in Renee's eyes and my insides grew cold.
"Is he here?" she whispered, her eyes flashing from Edward's to mine.
"Of course he's here." I wished I could find my voice. I knew what I sounded like to her at that moment. I sounded like I had when I called to tell her I was pregnant, nervous and scared, anxious for the approval of my absentee mother.
"Can I… I'd like to meet him." Renee squared her shoulders, like she was preparing for a fight, but I was overcome with something else. The woman that had fought so hard to get me to change my mind about having my baby wanted to meet him? I was confused.
"I don't – I mean… what?" I stuttered, finally finding my voice.
"My grandson. I'd like to meet him."
"I heard you. I'm just... I don't understand." I felt Edward's hand grip mine and I knew he was trying to remind me that this was neither the place nor the time.
"Isabella, I know what I said when you first told me you were pregnant… and I'm sorry."
"Sorry? You're practically gone my entire life and when I need your support the most you tell me to kill my baby. And now you're sorry?"
"Isabella, please - "
"Don't call me Isabella." I relinquished myself from Edward's grip and stalked off, not interested in what she had to say anymore.
I found Masen sitting with Carlisle and joined them. Masen held a peppermint to me. I took it and smiled at him. "Thanks, baby." I kissed his nose and popped the peppermint in my mouth.
Masen scooted off his chair and wandered through the guests again. I watched him for a while until I lost him amongst the legs.
"No matter how hard we plan them, things just don't always go the way we wanted, do they?" Carlisle moved to the seat Masen left and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
I leaned into him and closed my eyes. "You've got that right, Doc," I said softly, and he chuckled.
"Sometimes they turn out even better," he whispered. I glanced at his face and then followed his gaze. Masen was standing next to Sue, both of his hands gripping hers as he stared up at her, completely entranced. "Renee may have left you, but she provided the opportunity for someone with a kind heart and a wise soul to enter your life, didn't she?"
I nodded against his shoulder and felt tears prick my eyes.
"And him," Carlisle nodded toward Masen. "Don't even get me started on him."
I laughed and wiped my eyes. Carlisle removed his arm from around me and kissed my head.
"He's going to unite our families in ways we never even dreamed possible."
I didn't have a chance to ask Carlisle what he meant because Rosalie ushered me away to rehearse our procession. Leah and I were joined by Rose's cousin Tanya as bridesmaids while Dad, Jasper and Seth stood up next to Emmett. Dad was serving as best man, though I knew Emmett would have loved having Edward stand up next to him on his big day. Dad had even tried to step down, nervous about having to prepare a speech and whatnot, but Emmett had stubbornly refused to let him, insisting that his relationship with Edward wasn't "there" yet.
I fought back the tears as I watched my brother's face when Rose came down the aisle; I'd never seen him so happy. It occurred to me then, why he may have wanted Renee there. He wanted her to know he was happy. I could understand that in so many ways. I turned my focus to Masen as I listened to the minister going over the procedures with Emmett and Rosalie. He leaned against my dad's legs, his eyes focused on something in the small crowd of people. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was staring at Edward. I could tell just by the smile on his face and the silly expressions he was making.
Only once did his focus turn to his Uncle and soon-to-be Aunt.
"…Until death do us part." Emmett's voice repeated after the minister. Masen's eyes widened and quickly shot toward his uncle.
"Who's dying?" He said, a little too loudly. "What are you talking about? Are you going to die?" By the time he'd finished yelling he was standing between Emmett and Rosalie clinging to Emmett's shirt. Emmett looked at me to calm my son but Edward quickly stepped up and grabbed him, settling him in his lap for the remainder of the rehearsal.
The words Emmett and Rosalie were saying paired with the sight of Edward and Masen speaking softly with each other forced an entirely different type of image into my head. Edward and I together… saying these words to each other… married…
No.
I switched my focus back to Emmett and Rosalie and caught my dad's eye in the process. He smiled at me, his eyes misty, and I didn't fight the tears anymore.
We transitioned from rehearsal to dinner in a private dining room, and dinner soon turned into a casual party. I avoided my mother as much as possible, still too angry to speak with her. Of course, from time to time I caught her watching Masen, who had become glued to his father's side, with great intent.
Rose's words from earlier came back, practically yelling inside my head as I watched Edward and Masen together. The ring on my left hand suddenly felt very, very heavy.
xXxXxXx
EPOV
"Which one is your favorite?" I asked Masen as we picked over a plate of dessert I'd made for us. We were sitting on the lanai attached to the dining room as the amount of intoxicated older people had increased rapidly in the past hour or so.
"This one." He pointed to a tiny sliver of cheesecake covered in some sort of strawberry sauce.
"Oooh, me too." I popped the last piece in my mouth.
"Hey!" He frowned and I laughed.
"Is this seat taken?" Renee's voice caused me to stop abruptly.
"Um… go ahead." I gestured to the empty chair. "Mase, why don't you go see if Pop has any more of that cake." He nodded and jumped out of his chair, taking the plate from my hand.
"Do you want me to bring you some?" he asked sweetly.
"No, I'm good, buddy. Thanks though."
"Oh. Okay. More for me!" He cackled as he ran off. I simply shook my head and turned back to Renee.
"He's gorgeous." Her voice was a whisper, her eyes still trained to the doorway he disappeared into.
"He's a handful." I leaned back in my chair.
Her eyes fell to her lap and she fidgeted with her hands. "I've made quite a mess of things, haven't I?" she asked softly.
I sighed and leaned forward on the table, unsure of what to say. "I just… I know what it was like for them. I know what it did to Bella when you left."
"I've spent years wishing I could take it back," Renee whispered to the tabletop. "Well, a little over two years, to be exact." She pulled her eyes away from the table to meet mine.
"I came back." She took a deep breath and continued when I still didn't respond. "A couple of years ago I had a cancer scare." She held up her hand to me when I opened my mouth to speak. "I'm fine, no worries. Like I said, a scare. But I did come back. My second marriage had failed miserably and I just needed my family. I parked my car across the street from our old home and waited for them to come home. Emmett first, then Isabella. And I was afraid when I didn't see a baby with her; I thought she'd listened to me. But he showed up eventually." She stopped and smiled, a wistful look on her face.
"He was with Charlie, of course. You know, when I married Charlie he would look at me like I hung the moon… until Emmett was born. And it was the same with Isabella. The way he was with that little boy just reminded me of what I'd missed all those years. Love. Happiness. But I was so selfish, Edward. So selfish. In truth, I didn't deserve to have my family back. They were so happy when I saw them, especially with Sue and the kids… I was jealous, but I left them alone."
"I'm not heartless, Edward. I was just so confused," she finished, and we sat silently while my thoughts ran together in my head, chasing each other's tails. I understood all too well how she felt. After all, I'd come home to an engaged Bella and a son who had no idea I existed.
"Here, Daddy." Masen placed our dessert plate on the table and climbed into my lap. "Pop said 'You snooze, you lose' about that white and red cake…" He frowned for a moment then grinned up at me. "…So Nana gave me his chocolate covered strawberries!" He laughed gleefully before shoving one in his mouth.
I laughed and let him lean back against my chest. "And what did he say to that?" I asked as I watched Renee, a small smile on her face.
"I dunno, I ran away," he said through a mouthful of strawberry. I rested my chin on the top of his head and we sat quietly for a moment. Renee didn't say anything else; she just sat and watched him.
"There you are." Bella smiled at us as she leaned against the door to the lanai. "It's bedtime, monkeyface."
"You have a monkeyface," Masen mumbled just loud enough for Bella to hear him, and then laughed quietly to himself. She shook her head as she stepped forward, then stopped abruptly at seeing Renee across the table from us.
"Hi," Bella said softly. Renee tore her eyes from Masen's face and met Bella's anxious gaze. I watched them converse silently and I knew it was the same with Renee as it had been with my own parents. No matter how hard she had tried to change Bella's mind she knew how special our son was.
"C'mon kid, let's get to bed." I lifted Masen off my lap and set him on the ground.
"Goodnight, lady," he smiled at Renee and then hugged Bella tightly. "I love you, Mama."
"I love you too, baby." She bent down and kissed him before turning to me. "Just take him to my parents' room. Em wants to have everyone down here in half an hour." I gave her a quizzical look and she rolled her eyes. "Apparently we all get a night on the town."
"Okay," I laughed, and took Masen's hand in mine. "You'll be okay?" I touched her arm softly and she smiled.
"Yeah, I'll see you in a bit." Bella's hand softly touched my cheek in a silent thank you.
I took Masen up to Charlie and Sue's room, where they were already getting ready for bed, and helped him change into his pajamas. I waited for him to brush his teeth before I tucked him into one of the twin beds in the suite. Seth was already propped up in the other one with his iPod on and a book in his hand. Masen buried himself in covers and pillows and I sat on the edge of the bed, adjusting blankets and making sure he was comfortable.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked as he caught my hand in his and started playing with my fingers, bending and spreading them, and then placed his palm against mine.
I smiled and squeezed his hand then kissed it. "Of course. I'm going to be really nervous, you're going to have to make sure I don't do anything stupid."
"Da-ad!" He laughed and turned himself into his pillows, smiling.
"I mean it!"
"Okay, fine." He turned back to me and held out his arms.
I hugged him tightly and kissed him before I stood up to leave. "Good night, kids," I smiled, then chuckled quietly when Seth flipped me the bird.
"You guys don't stay out too late," Sue chided me as she walked me to the door. "You've got a big day tomorrow."
"Yes ma'am." I kissed her cheek and she playfully pushed me away.
"You stop trying to charm me, Edward Cullen."
I laughed as I bid her goodnight and shut the door behind me. I made my way to the lobby and couldn't help but be grateful that Sue had come into Emmett and Bella's life. I partly understood what Renee had told me about why she left, but not really. When I'd found out about Masen… leaving had been the hardest thing I ever had to do, including when I'd left Forks the first time.
Everyone was already gathered in the lobby, ready for our night out. I slipped my arm around Bella's waist and pulled her to me, needing to know how her talk with Renee had gone.
"I'm fine," she said before I even asked her.
"You're sure?" She nodded and gave me a quick hug before moving from my grasp to join Leah and Rosalie's cousin, Tanya.
Rosalie hung back as we exited the hotel and linked her arm with mine. "Hi." She smiled, nearly eye level with me. I glanced down to her feet and raised an eyebrow at the heels that made her almost as tall as me. "It gives me an excuse to make Emmett rub my feet later," she shrugged, and I agreed. "I had a nice talk with Bella today," she whispered as we followed the group down the street.
"Rose -" I started to chastise her but she frowned.
"Don't worry, I didn't say much. Sue yelled at me." She made a face and I laughed.
"She's good at that." I patted Rosalie's hand that rested on my arm. "Thanks."
"I just… I see a difference in Emmett since you've been back. I wanted to thank you for that." Her voice had suddenly gone shy.
"You can just say 'thank you'." I nudged her softly.
"Well, what fun is it if I can't get you laid?" she whispered before running off to the others. I followed, trying to compose myself.
"Get in." Emmett stood in front of everyone pointing to a vehicle next to the curb. We stared as the doors opened and Emmett started ushering people in.
"What the hell is this?" I asked when I stepped up to him.
"Party bus." My best friend grinned. "Sending off the single life in style and, you know, without a DUI."
"Smart, Mister Police Chief." I patted him on the shoulder and hopped up the steps. There were leather seats and dark tinted windows. Alice turned the lights down as Jasper fiddled with the radio. I took a seat next to Leah and she handed me a beer and winked at me.
Let the games begin.
BPOV
I made small talk with Tanya as the bus that Emmett had dubbed the "Wedding Wagon" carried us through the streets of Seattle. We were going to spend most of the night driving, hanging out and talking, which was fine with me. My brother was getting married, and while I was extraordinarily happy for him and Rose, I was sad that things were changing.
I caught Edward's eye from across the bus, where he sat in deep conversation with Leah. He winked at me before turning back to her, and I couldn't help the way my body reacted. He had been so supportive with Renee and during the dinner that I had to keep reminding myself it was because we were friends. Friends and nothing more. If he winked at me then he was just being friendly, not giving me a secret "let's make out under the bleachers" code.
"Is he single?" Tanya leaned in close and tried to whisper in my ear.
"Who?" I asked looking around. The only men on the bus with us were Edward, Emmett, Jasper and two of Emmett's deputies. She was, of course, staring at Edward.
"Oh, Edward? Yeah. Yeah, he's single," I mumbled and peeled the label on my beer bottle.
"Edward? Oh! Oh shit." She covered her mouth with her hand and stared at me wide-eyed. "I'm sorry! I didn't put two and two together." Tanya touched my arm softly and I smiled.
"It's okay. It's true. He's very single." I glanced at Edward again, the soft neon lighting of the bus doing strange things to his features. Strange in an incredibly good way. His skin, which had lost some of its tan since he'd been back in Forks, was almost glowing under the lights but his hair and eyes were oddly dark. He really was very pretty. Again, I couldn't help but think of Rose's words and what else she would have said if Sue hadn't stopped her. She was right on most of the points she made. He suffered through dinners for us and I really couldn't help the way I felt when I saw him with our son. I'd imagined it for years, even before I had Masen; there was no way it wouldn't touch me in such away.
But… was he in love with me?
That was something that utterly confused me. Edward was the one who'd insisted that everything we did would be about our son, so how was I supposed to think he still had feelings for me? I shook my head to rid the thoughts of the previous months or even at the rehearsal or dinner. How he'd so innocently touched my neck to calm me, his hand in my hand, his lips on my skin… I tried to ignore the way my insides felt while I relived those moments.
I reminded myself that I did, in fact, love James. Even though he wasn't my favorite person in the world at the moment, we'd made a commitment to each other and I was determined to see it through. Even if Edward did have those feelings… I wasn't sure if I did or even could for that matter.
Edward stayed close to Leah all night and she didn't seem to mind. Leah was beautiful and smart… and with Charlie being absent and Emmett preoccupied with Rose, the deputies, Mark and Tom, had no trouble ogling her. Edward was protective of her and it made my heart and body warm in ways that should have been illegal.
The bus stopped a few moments later and we all clambered out, stretching and adjusting.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Edward cried.
I turned to him then followed his gaze to the building we'd stopped in front of. I laughed. I laughed and I couldn't stop. "Did you do this?" He glared at me and I shook my head.
"No!" I gasped and clutched my stomach. "I swear!" I yelled when he wouldn't stop staring.
"What's the problem?" Emmett called from the door of the bar.
"Nothing," Edward mumbled as he grabbed me around the waist and pressed his lips to my ear. "No funny business in here, Swan. Understand?"
"Of course," I whispered because I'd suddenly lost my voice—for a completely different reason this time. His breath on my ear nearly sent my body into shock and goosebumps covered almost all of my skin.
"Wait a second," Alice said as we found a few tables at the back of Doc's, a small karaoke bar downtown. Edward glared at his sister like he knew what she was going to say. "Didn't you…" She pointed to him and her eyes fell on me. I couldn't stop the smile and nod that came from me. "OH MY GOD," she said so loudly all the eyes at our joined tables turned to her.
"Hey, Ed. Isn't this the place Bella made you serenade her after you got into that huge fight her freshman year?" Emmett yelled over the noise. I watched Edward's mouth drop open, then close tightly as his face flushed. He was so damn adorable.
"I didn't make him do anything. He offered." I smiled politely at him and he smirked at me. It was hard to remember that we were surrounded by people.
"Never again." He shook his head, though he was still smiling. We ordered drinks and listened and watched people perform. Some were amazingly talented and some were just… ridiculous.
"Why does every girl have to sing 'I Will Survive'?" Jasper pretended to clean out his ears when a group of college girls finished their awful rendition, complete with grinding and dry humping each other on the stage.
"It's very empowering," Alice said as she ruffled his hair. He rolled his eyes but kissed her anyways.
I felt my phone buzz from my bag, which was shoved behind me in my chair.
Three new text messages, all from James.
I'm here.
Where are you?
What room are we in?
I sighed as I typed back my reply and informed him that a key was waiting for him at the front desk, just in case.
See you soon. Love you.
My heart ached at his response, and even more than that the guilt seemed to double. I was having such a great time without him…with my friends and family and Edward.
Me too. I typed with shaking fingers.
I put my phone away and glanced at Edward. Tanya had captured his attention soon after we'd sat down. I'd have to say she was very pretty, not quite as beautiful as Rosalie, but they shared some of the same features. Tanya's hair had a slight strawberry blond tint and her eyes weren't quite as blue as Rose's. He smiled as he talked to her and she touched his arm innocently. It kind of made me want to rip her arm off.
Leah rejoined the table and I briefly wondered where she'd gone and how I didn't notice she'd left. I felt a little ashamed and figured I should stop being such a creep and staring at Edward and Tanya. She caught my eye and winked at me, a devilish spark there in her eyes.
"Can we have Edward up to the stage? Edward? You've been requested," the voice from the stage said after we'd heard what was hopefully the last mangled version of "Don't Stop Believing".
Edward pulled himself away from Tanya to glare at me, green eyes glinting through their slits.
"I didn't do anything!" I held my hands up innocently.
He shoved away from the table and stomped to the stage while everyone at the table catcalled and hollered to him. As the man on stage handed him a small piece of paper, Edward shook his head and turned his eyes to the ceiling. I saw him mouth one word. Why?
Then as the music started I covered my mouth to hide the smile. He took a deep breath and started to sing, shaky at first, but as the song progressed he sang it quite perfectly. I laughed as he stepped down from the stage and pulled Leah from her seat, finally having discovered it was her who requested the song. He wrapped his arms around her and swayed with her to the music as she fought him and laughed; he continued singing with an exuberant smile on his face.
"And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight"
Edward spun Leah around quickly before pulling him back against him. He smiled as she fought his grip, but he continued to sing.
"Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart."
He let her go and she sat down quickly, a blush spread across her dark skin. Edward gave her a look that clearly meant "you're dead to me" and she shrugged, unconcerned.
Like the good sport that he was, Edward finished his song and grinned as everyone in the small bar applauded for him.
"It's even better the second time around," I said as he took a seat across from me.
"The first time had more feeling." He sipped the beer that Leah had slid in front of him. A peace offering.
"You had been quite the jerk that day." I laughed at the memory at one of our first fights.
"Well… you should've agreed to marry me," he deadpanned, and the table fell silent.
"Edward…" I said softly as a small, sad smile crossed his face.
"Excuse me." I watched him walk down the hall where the bathrooms were located and quickly followed him.
"Edward!" I called after him but he didn't turn to me; he kept walking until he disappeared into the men's restroom. I followed him inside and found him leaning against the sink, his head down. The door opened then shut quickly behind me and I turned to lock it so no one else would come in.
"What are you doing, Bella?" His voice was low as he faced me.
"I just… I need to know what's going on with you." I leaned against the wall, my head spinning. The looks, the touching, the song… it was all too much.
"You've known me all my life. You know what's going on with me." He took a step toward me and my chest tightened. I fought to keep myself from his blazing gaze, knowing that it'd be a lost cause if I were to meet his eyes. Instead I focused on the buttons on his shirt, small and white and round. They got slightly bigger as he stepped closer to me.
"Rosalie said some things today but – but I can't believe her, Edward. I can't," I whispered to the buttons. His fingers found my forehead and tried smooth my furrowed brow. I lost the fight with my eyes and they involuntarily moved to his face. His hair hung on his forehead like he'd been raking his hands through it for hours. I balled my hands into fists and placed them behind my back, resisting the urge to brush it away. His eyes were so sad it made my stomach hurt - it was like looking at Masen - a sad, scared little boy.
"Rose is fairly smart… extremely intrusive, but smart, nonetheless." His fingers trailed down the bridge of my nose; his sad eyes crinkling at the sides.
"Please don't." I closed my eyes, desperate to keep my composure.
"Leaving you was the biggest mistake I ever made. I'll never forgive myself for what I put you through," he whispered into my hair as he placed one hand on my hip and the other on the wall beside my head. My hands itched to touch him; my fingers were digging into my palms.
"I lied to you." I studied his buttons again and his hand tightened on my hip. "I was angry at you. You said you didn't want me, so I didn't think you'd want our baby either. And – and I didn't want you to hurt him like you hurt me. So I didn't tell you."
He pulled back to look at me with confused emerald eyes.
"Did you really think I didn't want you?" His voice was louder now, not afraid.
"You said it yourself." I held his gaze, daring him to contradict me.
"And you believed me." He pressed his forehead to mine. My heart stuttered and his thumb rubbed small circles on my hip. It felt like my entire body was on fire.
"How could I not?" I asked as one of my defiant hands touched the top button on his shirt. He moved into my touch, his hand moving from the wall to my face.
"You're all I've ever wanted, Bella." His grip on my hip was now painful.
"You were just so straightforward, so blunt, that I couldn't move beyond that…I was so crushed by what you said that I couldn't even think about it, let alone about whether maybe you really felt differently. When I found out about the baby… I didn't want to put him through that."
"I know," he whispered and pressed his lips to my forehead. "I know."
"But I was wrong, Edward. I should have known that you would love him. I should have known how your whole family would react. I'd known them my entire life, how did I not know?" I asked, almost to myself.
"You didn't -" he pulled back to look at me again as if trying to reassure me that what I did was the right thing, but I knew better now.
"No, Edward. I did know. I let my anger get the best of me and I robbed my child of his family. What you feel – or think you feel – I don't deserve it." I shook my head and tried to remove myself from between his body and the wall, but Edward held me tightly.
"I don't think I feel anything, Bella. I know. I've always known." He took my chin between his fingers and pulled my face to his.
"Edward, please…" My heart was racing as his face inched toward mine. "Please don't do this." He brushed his thumb under my bottom lip and frowned.
"I won't." He dropped his hands and stepped away slightly. I could still feel his warm breath on my face.
"I love him, you know." I wrung my hands in front of me and forced out the words that I knew would hurt him.
"I know." He smiled sadly. "He's safe to you, Bella. But he's not what you really want."
"You don't – that's not what -" I stuttered and he chuckled at my loss of speech.
"You think I don't know you?" He crowded into me again, pinning me against the wall, his body closer than before. "You think I don't notice how different you are around him? That everybody doesn't?"
"Don't." I tried to push him away.
"He's safe, Bella."
"He's good to me. To my son."
"Our son," he corrected me. I closed my eyes and fought back the tears that were beginning to form.
"I love him," I repeated and his smile was back, small and cynical.
"Sometimes that's not enough." Edward pushed himself off the wall and leaned against the counter.
"It's enough for me," I whispered, still pressed to the wall.
"I won't come between the two of you," he said to his feet. Of course he wouldn't.
"I know." I stepped to him, stopping to stand between his feet. I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled him to me. I looked for a long time, unsure of what I was actually looking for. "I forgive you," I said softly. "I told you to go and I blamed you for so long…" He closed his eyes and leaned into me, wrapping his arms around my waist and letting his shoulders drop.
"I won't stop feeling this way," he said into the skin of my neck. I placed my hand at the base of his neck and let my fingers get lost in his hair.
"I know." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I knew he wouldn't stop, because neither would I.
"So… what the fuck are we supposed to do?" he asked and I laughed, though there was no humor behind it.
"I don't know," I told him truthfully. We couldn't pretend that we didn't care for each other, but we couldn't act on it. It was too complicated, too much to handle, and there was far too much pain in our hearts. It was just too much, and I didn't think I could handle it.
"I want you to be happy." He lifted his head from my shoulder and pulled me against his chest.
I ran my hands through his hair then down the side of his face. "I am."
Then I leaned down and kissed him, so softly it might not have happened at all.
He closed his eyes and let his arms drop from my sides. I turned from him and unlocked the bathroom door, knowing that our party was surely wondering where we'd gone.
"Iz?" he said, so quietly I thought I imagined it.
"Yeah?"
"I'll be here. When he fucks up. You know that, right?"
"I know." I smiled and resisted the urge to tell him I would do the same for him.
Though I would. In a heartbeat.
I rejoined the party and Edward followed a few moments after. No one mentioned our absence though our respective siblings didn't try to hide their concern. We left soon after and returned to the hotel, bid our goodnights and trudged off to our rooms.
James didn't wake as I changed and prepared for bed. He only stirred when I crawled beneath the sheets and pressed my body against his.
"Hey," he mumbled as his arms wrapped around me.
"Hi," I whispered, kissing his stubbly jaw.
"I'm sorry."
"I know." I snuggled against him and closed my eyes. He fell asleep, his soft snores the only sound in the room.
The sounds in my head were a different story. All I heard was Edward's voice.
"He's safe. But he's not what you really want."
I hated when Edward was right.
Messynachos deemed this readable, killerlashes made it better.
All of you give me warm fuzzies in fun places.
If you're not already doing so you need to read these things:
Scattered by oscar519
Where Poppies Grown by LaSerenade
Learning to Fall by lie2me.87
It's Just Lunch by tampagirl81
They're in my favorites so it shouldn't be hard to do.
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