A/N: You guys are seriously the best! I know I say this every time, but your reviews mean the world to me and I can't believe this story is almost at 400 reviews that honestly makes me so happy :)

To the guest reviewer worried about the title of last chapter hinting bad things ahead: Do not worry at all! Linstead is pretty good from here on out haha the title was more in regards to Jay feeling like Erin still didn't trust him enough to communicate with him and he was more giving up on the choice of not pushing her on talking about her feelings because he was doubting whether she would confide in him. But as you'll see this chapter, that worry was all for nothing.

PS: Long Bottom Author's Note but is something I need you all to see so PLEASE READ IT.

Enjoy!

Erin had been quiet for most of dinner, and it was driving Jay crazy, Hank had kept eyeing him, silently trying to suss out if the detective knew anything about why his pseudo-daughter was acting so odd. The fact that Hank was out of the loop made Jay even more nervous; Hank always knew before he did. It was one of the main reasons he always pushed for Erin to talk to him, he wanted to be who she confided in. He wanted to be who she trusted in.

Jay and Erin now sat cuddled up together on the couch, the whole team bundled up into the living room again as they all talked and reminisced about different cases and stories over the years. Jay leaned down as Erin's fingers fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, a deep frown on her face.

"Hey, you with us?" He said nudging her shoulder slightly so she was jolted out of her state.

Erin looked up at him "Yeah, I'm fi-"

"Please don't tell me you're fine." He whispers back "I know you're not. And if you don't want to talk to me about it, you don't have to, but if you tell me you're fine one more time I'm gonna go mad."

Erin can't help the laugh that escapes her at his words "I have been saying it a lot these past few days, haven't I? I'm sorry, you're right I'm not fine. And I do want to tell you, I just don't think it's a conversation here and now."

Jay's eyes scan the room, the rest of their teammates still deep in conversation, and he knows she's right. They may not be listening to the couple, but that didn't mean now was an appropriate time for the conversation Erin wanted to have. He needed to be patient for just a little while longer.

"I promise we'll talk tonight." Erin says softly kissing his cheek.

Before Jay can say anything, Adam turns to start a conversation with them about the annual CPD barbeque that's coming up next month, so Jay settles for squeezing her against him, kissing the top of her head in an effort to reassure her that there's no pressure. That he's willing for her to confide in him, whenever she feels ready.

Erin and Jay walked quietly into his apartment later that night. It was bordering on midnight, Erin and Jay were both tired and he was beginning to question if bringing her here to talk was the right decision.

"Do you wanna just go to bed?" Jay says before she has a chance to open her mouth "I think we're both pretty tired. We can always talk tomorrow morning."

He can see the surprise in her voice, but Erin nods so he takes her hand and leads her into the bedroom. She's just as nervous as he seems to be, so she lets him take control of the situation, not wanting to make him anymore on edge than he already seems to be.

Erin stands awkwardly in front of the bed, watching Jay head into the walk-in closet, returning a few minutes later in his sleeping pants and holding out the matching t-shirt for Erin to wear. She takes it from him and he heads into the bathroom while she changes and slips into the bed on what used to be 'her side'.

Jay comes back out and she sees him stop as he looks at her lying in the bed, frowning slightly before shaking his head and walking to the other side and sliding in next to her.

"Is something wrong?" she asks him.

He shakes his head, lying on his side so he's facing her "After you left, I used to sleep on your side. I guess I got so used to it over the years, it just threw me when I saw you lying there."

"I can move-"

"No." He says immediately "I like having you here. I never thought it'd happen again."

Erin smiles, a rush of warmth flooding her at his words. She brings her hand up to cup his cheek and his arm wraps around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Goodnight Jay."

"Night Er."

…

Fifteen. That's how many stains on the roof she had noticed so far. Most of them water spots from when the apartment above had a flood four years ago. A few are from the can of coke Jay had accidentally left on his bedside table, in direct sunlight for two days, which exploded everywhere one night while they were sleeping peacefully.

She remembers being so mad at him, and he simply smiled at her and gave a simple "oops?" as they both stared at each other, soaking wet in sticky sugary liquid in their bed. She still laughs at his cheesy joke about making it up to her in the shower.

She's too nervous to sleep. She can't figure out why they haven't talked yet. Why did Jay want to wait until the morning? If he was so worried the whole day, why didn't he care enough to talk to her about it?

"I can practically hear your brain from here." She's startled by his voice, looks over to see his eyes still closed, and questions if she imagined it.

"What's wrong?" He asks again and she sees his lips move, reassuring her that she isn't hallucinating.

"I was just wondering, if maybe I should go home." Erin says quietly, moving back to focus on the ceiling.

His eyes open immediately and he turns his head to face her "Why would you do that?"

"Because this is just awkward!" She exclaims "We agreed to talk when we got home, and then you pushed it. You told me you were worried about me, and that you knew something was going on that you wanted to know about, but when the time came to have the tough conversation you ran from it!"

"Erin, I didn't want to push you." Jay says calmly, seeing her frustration "Of course I want to know what's going on with you. But I don't want you to feel obligated to tell me, I want you to be honest with me because you want to be honest with me."

"… I thought we agreed to talk about everything this time around. We said no more hiding. When I said it, I didn't just mean hiding from our friends. I meant from each other too." She says sadly.

He sits up in bed, fixing his pillows up so that he's leaning against the headboard and turns on his bedside lamp "So then don't hide from me. Let's talk."

She looks over at the clock and sees it's 2:00am "Now?"

"Now." He repeats "I don't want you to think I'm running from this. If you want to tell me, tell me."

She's quiet for a few minutes, and now it's her whose considering whether or not to hide from him. She looks up at him and his face shows nothing but patience and understanding.

She sits up so she's eye level with him, her hands nervously wringing together "I was in a UC gig two years ago. We were deep in with a drug gang that was running from Mexico to New York and the distributing to further cities. I was … dating one of the higher-ups of their organisation; Paul Vincent."

"Did you…" His voice trails off, and Erin's eyes widen when she realises what he's asking her.

'Did you relapse?'

"No!" She immediately says and Jay sighs in relief "My cover wasn't blown, and he didn't care that I didn't do drugs. He thought I was in love with him, so he never pressured me to do anything because he thought I just wanted to spend time with him."

She takes a deep breath, and the dread fills Jay in an instant. He knows they're getting to the harder part of her story.

"The day that my unit raided their location in New York, Vincent ran. He took me with him, and I went because I thought I could figure out a way to get us caught, or at least find a way to contact my team after. He was nervous, kept looking over his shoulder to see if the cops were following him, and he just kept driving. He wouldn't slow down, the car just kept going faster."

He hears her voice breaking and he takes his hand in hers, offering her support. She sniffles loudly, trying to clear her throat before continuing "We ran a red light, and a truck T-boned us. Vincent was DOA, and I got pinned. The entire hood of the car was crushed in, my waist down had too much pressure on it. I couldn't feel my legs, hell I wasn't even sure they were there anymore. I was so out of it."

He wants to stop her. To tell her that she doesn't need to put herself through the trauma of reliving what was obviously a distressing time in her life. But he can see the conviction in her eyes; he knows she just wants to finish saying what she has to say so they can move on from the conversation.

"I blacked out after a few moments, and woke up three days later. My right leg was fractured in three places. My left leg was okay for the most part, but I had a small fracture in my ankle. I was in surgery for almost 10 hours. The pressure on my pelvic bone and my legs was so bad, and I had pieces of glass stuck in my abdomen from the windshield. It was rough."

"I'm so sorry Erin." Jay says pulling her to him. Her face is cradled in the crook of his shoulder and he's got his arms wrapped around her tightly.

She savours the moment for a few seconds before pulling away "Jay, I'm not just telling you about this because it was a hard time in my life. When I woke up, I was in so much pain, and something just felt … off."

He can feel his stomach tightening, the anxiousness of what she's going to say getting stronger and stronger.

"The doctors told me the damage to my pelvic bone was really survive. There was a lot of trauma to my uterus, I had scar tissue from previous accidents when I was younger … They told me that it would be highly unlikely, if not impossible, for me to ever conceive.

"Conceive?" He knows he sounds like an idiot right now, but he has to ask. Because if she doesn't say it, he won't believe it.

"There's a chance I may never be able to have a child Jay." She says softly "And that future that you dreamed of for us? The one with the kids running around our cabin in Wisconsin. I can't give you that."

He stares at her for a moment, processing what she's said. He's always imagined their life with kids. 2 boys and a girl, but he'd never told her that part. He'd wanted to have 2 boys he could teach baseball to, and who would protect their mother and sister; his girls. He wanted one perfect little girl who would have him wrapped around her finger from the day she was born because she reminded him so much of Erin. She would be stubborn and strong-headed, and would refuse to let anyone tell her she couldn't play ice hockey with her brothers just because she was a little girl. He wanted a daughter he could name after his mother, and raise to be a kind-hearted, strong, independent woman. Like the two most important women he had in his life.

But did it really mean everything to him? Did it matter to him as much as she thought it did? If he chose to live that life with another women, to experience the joys and pains of creating a life, of raising a child together, would it mean the same thing to him as it would if he was doing that with Erin?

'No. All that matters is her. The two of us. We're a family.'

"Erin-"

"I just wanted to tell you before this went any further, you deserved to know." Erin rambles nervously "If you don't want to be with me anymore, I won't hold it against you. It's a lot to give up for one person."

And he knows for certain in that moment, when the thought of losing her becomes evident once more. He shakes his head, his hands holding hers tightly "It doesn't matter to me Erin. The only family I will ever need is you.

Erin scoffs "Jay … You can't just tell me it doesn't matter. This is a lot to process, just take a couple days to think about it. I don't want you to regret yo-"

He cuts her off with a kiss, hoping his actions can reassure her more than his words seem to be doing at the moment. He leans in close to her, locking eyes.

"Erin, even on the nights we weren't together, a part of me always hoped we would find our way back to one another. I was hurting Erin, but I never gave up on our future together."

"I never gave up on us either Jay. But, before my accident, I had such a strong image of just what our life together would look like. And you still do. Do you truly realise what you're saying right now? What you're willing to give up for a life with me?"

Jay sighs "Look, am I sad or disappointed about the fact you can't have kids? Of course I am. but it's not for myself. I'm upset because you may never get to be a mother, and I want that for you more than anything. I want a child whose as strong-willed as you are, and who has my cheekiness. I want a kid with your dimples and my freckles. I always saw myself having children with you, because I knew you would do everything you could to make sure that our child never had to go through what you went through. And I wanted to be the one to give you that."

Erin face falls, and Jay knows that she thinks he's changing his mind "But if it doesn't happen for us, then it's not meant to be. and there are other ways we can make a family; I always thought we would adopt anyways."

"You did?" She asks, momentarily surprised.

Jay nods "I know he and I don't always see eye to eye, but I owe everything I have to Hank Voight. Because if it weren't for him taking you in, I would have never met you. And that would be a damn shame. So yeah, adopting always felt like something we would do; kind of a 'pay it forward'. We could be to a child what Hank was to you. And if we don't, then it'll just be the two of us cuddled up and growing old together in Wisconsin, and that's fine too. you're the family I choose Erin. I've never needed anyone, as much as I need you."

"It's a lot to give up Jay. How can you be so sure I'm worth it? I don't want you to wake up one morning and realise you made a mistake." Erin's voice breaks once more, the tears that were resting in her eyes threatening to fall.

"Because I know what it's like to lose you Erin. And I know just how empty my life is without you in it. How empty I am without your love. I won't lose you, not again." His voice grows stronger with every word, and she can feel the conviction in his words "we can still have our life together Erin. We can still have the big house, and the wedding, and the dogs. And if you want, we can even have the kids, just not the way we originally thought we would. Last night I promised you I would give you the life you deserved, please let me." He pleads.

"I want to. I'm just scared." She says softly, and he can see it's taking everything in her not to fall apart.

"Erin, if I wanted biological kids that badly, then I could easily say, right here and right now, that I wanted out. I could go and find a woman who could be more certain that she can give me that. You gave me that option earlier; to tell you I didn't want to be with you anymore. But I'm not taking it. Because it wouldn't mean anything to me without you. The kids, growing old in Wisconsin, even the damn dogs! It wouldn't mean as much to me, because I wouldn't be living that with you."

He wraps his arms around her, holding her tightly to him, hoping that she'll stay with him "Please don't doubt me Erin. Just trust that no matter what, you're the only family I need to be happy. Just have faith in this. In us. Please."

He's speaking softer again, the vulnerability coming through in his voice. He's scared too, but for a different reason. He's scared she's going to leave again. He's scared she's going to push him away, like she has in the past. 'Trust him. Don't run.'

She lifts her head up from his chest and places a quick peck to his lips, smiling up at him "Faith and trust. I can do that."

A/N: So that first author's note was written yesterday when the story was at around 330 reviews and I was posting the last chapter. Since posting chapter 24 the reviews have jumped to 387, and I am not lying right now when I say that I started to cry a little bit!

When I started writing, I was doing it as a creative outlet. I'd wanted to be a writer my whole life but my family told me it was an unrealistic job goal and so instead I was pushed towards doing business and commerce studies instead. So I wrote FanFiction as a way to 'scratch the itch' that was my writing dream.

But seeing all the reviews and the encouragement that I get not just from here but on my social media platforms as well? It means so much to me and I feel so grateful that so many of you read and review the story every chapter, and for the PM's and tweets you all send me saying how much you love the story. It really does mean so much to me. Thank you so much

As always, please review and let me know what you thought of their conversation! Sneak Peek for next chapter: Baby Ruzek is finally arriving, and it pushes Linstead to further discuss their future and consider taking on a serious responsibility as a couple ...

- Maddie :)