Disclaimer : I don't own anything except for the plot so please don't sue
Here it is, the long awaited chapter :D So again, huge thank yous to my reviewers – Blueeyesburning,Biloxi22, Linz832, Bandeforever16, Molly and VelvetWhispers you guys are proper amazing :D :D :D :D
Chapter 25
How the hell'd we wind up like this? Now the story's played out like this Nothin's wrong Someday, somehow
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try an' turn the tables?
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Just as long as you know that someday I will
Gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Nickelback - Someday
My whole body ached with exhaustion. My head pounded like there were a million sledgehammers banging away up there. My eyes felt swollen shut and stung through the dryness of them. I wanted nothing more than to turn over and go back to sleep. Sleep for days on end, snuggled up in the duvet. The pixie jumping on the bed beside me, had other ideas however.
I wonder if anyone would blame me for killing her on the first official day of her honeymoon?
In my sleep induced haze, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she wasn't currently in bed with Jasper. It was the morning after her wedding. She had gone to bed just as late as I had, and it was fairly obvious that she hadn't gone to her room with Jasper to sleep. It was their wedding night for God's sake.
"Alice, bounce one more time on this bed, I promise I will throw up in your honeymoon suitcase." I threatened, hoping it would come across as a true threat rather than an idle one.
"You wouldn't dare." Alice gasped, though from the lack of movement, I assumed it was maybe a theory she wasn't fully prepared to test right now.
"Maybe, maybe not." I replied, sitting up in bed and staring at her. "Why are you here?" I asked grumpily. "Shouldn't you still be in bed with Jasper getting your rocks off." Even I recognised the hint of jealousy in my tone.
Yes, having seen her get married the day before, and having been surrounded by couples for the full day, I had been left feeling jealous, and well to put it bluntly, rather horny. Add in the final dance I had, had with Edward that ended in a kiss, it was very safe to say, I was more than sexually frustrated.
The whole dance with Edward had been wonderful. I had never felt so connected with another person before. It was as though the whole room just drifted away, leaving the two of us swaying gently, in our own little private bubble. I had wanted it to never end. And then when it did, it was like all my dreams had come true. Here he was, Edward Cullen, willingly kissing me in front of all his family, and mine. In the whole thirty seconds we were kissing, I allowed my hopes to be raised, thinking this was his way of telling me he wanted the exact same thing as I did.
It hadn't been until we had pulled apart, and I had seen no-one had noticed our little lip lock, and Edward was pretty much pulled away to say goodbye to some relative, that I felt utterly deflated. This had been the third time he had kissed me, and I was still none the wiser as to why he kept doing it. He had been the one to initiate every kiss we had shared, but it felt like we were stuck in some kind of limbo. But it was becoming brutally obvious that one way or another, he had to admit any feelings he had for me, or he simply had to stop with the kissing. It wasn't fair to either of us.
It broke my heart a little, that I had, had to spend the final dance of the evening in Emmett's arms, since Edward had yet to reappear and Rose was sat talking to her elderly Aunt and Uncle. I was one of the last few to leave with my Dad, Sue, Seth and Alec. Edward still missing, so Alec and Seth escorted me back to our suite. Not wanting to stick around and face Edward while I still felt so vulnerable, I headed to my room, and immediately stripped out of my dress and rushed through my nightly routine, before climbing into bed. If Edward had returned to the room, I wasn't aware of it, which only made my chest ache more for him.
Sleep had initially come easily, but after only an hour or so of sleep, I was woken by screaming voices coming through the open window. After that, sleep was hard to come by, my brain never fully shutting off. The last time I remembered seeing on the beside clock was five am, which probably explained my grouchiness toward Alice, even though it was now nearing eleven am.
"Come on sleepy head, we're all meeting for brunch." She was entirely too cheerful. "Check out is in half an hour."
"WHITLOCK!" I heard Rose shout from the main room. "Get your butt out here and leave the poor girl alone to wake up."
Have I ever mentioned how much I love Rose?
I drowned out Alice's responded remark, as she did in fact leave me alone to get up. Half an hour was more than enough time to grab a quick shower and get dressed, since my bag had only really carried items I had needed for the previous day.
I got all the way through my morning routine without throwing up, which was different, and unexpected. Maybe it was because I couldn't smell any food, or had tried eating anything yet, but there was hope that I was finally coming to the end of my morning sickness stage. I could only hope.
Grabbing my overnight bag and the garment bag my dress was in, I made my way out to the living room, to find Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice sat waiting for me. Edward again was no where to be seen. Jasper being the closest to me, darted up from his seat, and made to take the bags from me, laughing as I put up some resistance, before relinquishing them with a sigh.
"Edward, c'mon man, we're ready." Emmett hollered.
"I'm coming." Was the responding call.
"That's what she said." Both Jasper and Emmett replied instinctively.
Knowing Edward was about to walk into the room, I felt the tension in my body rise. I felt like I didn't know how to act around him. We hadn't had a chance to talk about what had happened between us last night. Were things going to be any different than before, or would he act like nothing had happened. I didn't like the unknown.
"Oh hey, you ok, you slept kinda late?" Edward's velvet voice assaulted my senses as he arrived into the room.
"Hey. Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired." I replied.
I didn't want to bring more attention to my lack of sleep than absolutely necessary. They already fussed over me enough as it was, and I certainly wasn't going to admit that Edward's kiss and lack of presence had bothered me.
"Well, let's get moving, I'm starving." Emmett announced loudly.
Alice grabbed for Jaspers free hand, as he carried my bags from the room. I felt awful that he was carrying my things for me when I was more than capable of doing so. I followed the newly married couple from the room, hearing Emmett grumbling to Rose about how hungry he was. Edward it seemed had reverted back to the whole avoiding me thing we had been doing the week previous. All I knew was, I couldn't cope with another week like that again. But if this was what was going to happen every time something like this happened between us, then maybe it would be best if I moved out, and we stopped spending so much time together.
The whole ride down to the lobby in the elevator, I felt awkward, tense. I played on my phone, hoping and praying none of the others would pick up on my mood, or the obvious lack of communication between Edward and I. I knew it would only be a matter of time before they did, since we were usually as thick as thieves when we were together.
Walking into the lobby, I was amazed to find my Dad and Sue, Seth and Alec along with Carlisle and Esme and Peter and Charlotte, all seemingly waiting for us to join them. A bell boy came and retrieved the bags from both Jasper and Edward. It appeared that we were all having brunch together. As we were waiting for our table, Edward sidled up beside me, and as childish as it was, I stepped away, toward my Dad and Sue, pulling them both into a conversation about what their plans were for the rest of the day. It was childish and spiteful and I hated myself for it, but I just couldn't pretend that everything was ok between us when it wasn't. And I certainly wasn't going to act like it just because we were around family. Before my Dad and Sue could reply, I caught a strong aroma that turned my stomach.
"Oh shit." I groaned, clamping my hand over my mouth and dashing back toward the lobby where I had last seen signs for the bathrooms.
I heard everyone call after me, and the distinct sounds of Alice and Rose dashing after me, though everything was forgotten the moment I made it into the bathrooms, collapsing in front of the toilet, and heaving. And here I was thinking I had gotten away with the morning sickness today.
"Bell, you ok." Rose asked softly, hovering just behind me, since I hadn't had time to close the stall door.
"Yeah." I groaned, reaching for some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. "I suppose I should be grateful that Pip allowed me to wake up, before making me sick." I joked, as I clambered to my feet.
I rinsed my mouth out at the sink, and tidied myself up, before Rose gave me a sympathetic hug, and lead me back to where our family were waiting. They each made entirely too big a deal over my morning sickness. My Dad looked beside himself with worry, until I latched myself onto his arm and walked into the restaurant to where we were shown our table. Edward managed to catch me eye, his whole expression screaming concern. Not wanting to be a bitch, I forced a smile toward him and mouthed that I was fine.
I somehow found myself sat between Carlisle and Jasper, directly opposite Edward, who looked somewhat placated after my smile, but still managed to look troubled, though I fought against the urge to reassure him everything was ok between us, because as far as I was concerned, there was nothing ok between us any more. For too long now we had walked that fine line between a romantic relationship and a friendship.
The waiter arrived, breaking me away from my Edward induced thoughts. And man was he good looking. Granted Edward was better, but wow, he was like a younger version of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and George Clooney all rolled into one. I managed to hold myself together long enough to give him my order, trying my hardest not to let my voice pitch raise higher than normal. I felt like a giddy teenager, my girly bits tingling with excitement. Hmm he definitely was good looking, and I even noticed both Rose and Alice shamefully checking him out. I would have laughed had I not done the same exact thing only mere seconds ago. The guys at the table it seemed were completely oblivious to Mr. Gorgeous waiter, reeling off their orders without barely looking at the poor guy. Had it been a woman though, it would have been completely different.
"So Dad, you were saying, before Pip interrupted us?" I turned to my Dad who was sat beside Edward.
"Oh yeah, well, me and Sue are staying with Seth and Alec tonight. After the late start today, and since neither of us get to Seattle very often, we're going to do some sightseeing, before heading back to Forks in the morning."
Wow, I seriously couldn't believe my ears. My Dad, willingly staying in Seattle longer than necessary. I honestly felt like asking him who he was and what he had done with the real Charles Swan.
It was nice though that they were going to do the whole tourist thing. It had been years since he had taken in the sights of Seattle. In fact, if memory served me right, I was probably about ten years old, and for my birthday I had wanted to go to the zoo. We had spent the day wandering around the zoo, and then we went to the space needle, before heading home. It had been a great day.
"Sounds fun." I replied enthusiastically.
"Well, we were hoping you would want to come. You know, spend some time with the old man." He added, though it was much quieter than his previous comment, almost like he was embarrassed to be asking me. "You too Edward, that is if you don't have anything planned."
Yesterday, I would have jumped at the chance for Edward to come with us, but now, I wasn't so sure I could spend the whole day in his presence, especially considering we had so much air to clear, and by going with them, it would give us none before we were due to leave. I could just imagine all the awkwardness all day. But, at the same time, I also wanted him to come, I still wanted to be around him, I still craved his presence.
Before he had chance to answer, the waiter reappeared with our order, and my attention quickly reverted to his good looks. I couldn't help myself from holding my breath as he placed each plate in front of the person who had ordered it, his biceps bulging slightly under the crisp white shirt he was wearing. When he came to me, I had to practically force myself to smile politely at him, and mumble a quiet thank you.
Holy hell was he hot. What I wouldn't give for just five minutes alone in the kitchen with him.
As he walked away, I leant back in my chair so I was balancing on it's too legs, to enable me to watch his exit, since Jasper was blocking my view. Boy had a damn fine ass too. What I hadn't realized, was, I had pushed myself so far back that I was beginning to loose my balance. I let out a high pitched yelp, my arms flailing in an attempt to grab the edge of the table to reel myself forward. It all felt as though it was happening in slow motion, my hands not reaching, and my resigning myself to hit the floor.
"Whoa." Carlisle's arm whipped around, grabbing the arm of my chair trying to steady me.
Jasper too had reacted speedily and wrapped his arm around the back of my chair, forcing me to return the chair to it's four legs.
I could feel everyone's eyes watching me. Most in amusement, some of concern, and one pair in particular looked murderous.
"You ok Bella?" Jasper asked me, his arm still wrapped around my back.
"I'm ok, I'm good, I'm fine." I stuttered.
I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. As though my actual actions weren't enough to embarrass me, now my damn blush was sure to give me away. I caught Rose and Alice's eyes, both looking to be trying to hide their hysterics, obviously knowing exactly what I was checking out.
"Nice choice sweetheart." Esme suddenly spoke.
Emmett, who had just taken a drink of water, spat it out quickly and began choking, My Dad dropped his forkful of eggs, and Sue just smiled knowingly. Everyone else was positively stunned by Esme's comment, myself included.
"Ma." Edward complained.
"Oh hush up." Esme playfully scolded him. "It could be worse, she could be ogling ugly men."
At this point I really wanted the ground to swallow me up whole. Clearly my checking out the hot waiter hadn't gone as unnoticed as I thought, or hoped. My cheeks were flaming, as I sunk further and further into the chair, praying for someone to make me invisible.
"Uh, Esme, honey, I don't think that was the point Edward was trying to make." Carlisle tried reasoning.
"Oh please." Esme scoffed. "Finding the opposite sex attractive is a natural part of being pregnant. Heaven knows why."
I really could not believe we were having this conversation, and over breakfast no less. Whilst admittedly, what Esme was saying was true, I had read and been made aware that feeling more attracted to men was a part of pregnancy, it wasn't something I had ever planned to discuss with anyone except maybe Angela, Rose and Alice. What made it worse, much, much worse was having my Dad sitting in on it too.
"If I remember correctly, you men seem to enjoy taking advantage of that particular part of pregnancy." Charlotte joined in.
From beside me, I heard Jasper groan. Granted Peter and Charlotte weren't his biological parents, but nevertheless, they were his parents, and hearing them acknowledge their sex lives in front of you was something akin to a horror film.
"So uh, Chief Swan, where were you thinking of visiting?" Edward asked.
Now I might still be a little angry with Edward for his behaviour as of late, but right now, he was my saviour. I wasn't sure whether he was attempting to change the subject to save me from dying of embarrassment, or due to wanting to end his own disturbance. Either way, I was very grateful. Now all I needed was for my normally completely oblivious Dad, to catch on to what he was doing, and go along with it.
"We were thinking the aquarium, the space needle, and maybe Pike place." Sue told him.
God I loved Sue right now.
"Yeah, sure sounds good, I'm in."Edward agreed.
Thankfully the change in subject seemed to have worked, as everyone else began discussing their plans for the day. All the Cullen's, bar Edward it now seemed, were planning on spending the day with Rose and Jasper's parents, before they returned to Spokane later. It seemed their Sister had already returned earlier this morning, but I only caught part of the explanation which was something to do with having to go back for work reasons, I think.
"Well, I think that maybe in a few weeks, we should all head out to Forks for the weekend." Alice announced loudly, as the breakfast plates were taken away, thankfully by a waitress this time.
This was one conversation I had been dreading from day one. There was noway I could sit here now and decline any invitation. It would be far too obvious if I did, and I wasn't sure now was the time or the place to be discussing the reasons for my staying away.
"Yeah, Bells can show us her home turf." Emmett declared, far too excited for my liking.
"Uh, yeah... maybe... sure." I replied, trying to be as nonchalant as possibly.
"Honey, won't you want to spend the last few days of your honeymoon alone with Jasper." Esme looked at me apologetically.
"We can have some alone time in Forks." She argued.
Yep, Alice's mind was made up. She wanted to go to Forks, and there was no-one that was going to stand of in the way of her plans. I could only hope now, that with the help of Angela, that I could come up with some excuse to get me out of it.
As we walked out of the restaurant, Esme caught up to me, linking her arm with my own. To the rest of our party it simply looked as though we were walking and talking together. In actual fact, she was trying to reassure me, that she would try to put Alice off, from her intended visit to Forks. I was grateful for Esme's understanding of my reluctance, and for the first time, in it seemed forever, I was actually thankful she knew why I was.
I wanted to give her my own reassurance that everything would be fine, and not to worry about it, but I couldn't. I felt guilty for her having to worry about her own family going to a home they bought to spend time in, but so far, all she had done, was postpone impending visits in order to keep me from being uncomfortable.
We parted with a hug, our two groups heading in separate directions, though with plans to meet up later that evening for a drink at Joe's to see the happy couple off, as they were leaving on their honeymoon the following day.
I could feel Edward watching me curiously, and I knew he was wondering what had been transpiring between Esme and I. It seemed to be every time Forks was mentioned, that he watched me curiously. He was trying to figure it all out, and who could blame him. I suppose as Esme had often suggested, I should just tell them all. I wanted to, I really did, I just could never find the words, along with the fact it wasn't exactly a subject I liked talking about. I don't know why I wasn't more open about it, I mean it wasn't like it was this huge secret, it was just something I hated reliving.
I wasn't given much chance to dwell on my thoughts, as I was quickly stuffed in the back of Sue's minivan, right beside Edward. Seth was playfully arguing with Sue as to what sights we should go and see first. Sue's winning response was, that she was the driver, therefore she decided where we went. Seth had groaned about her using that line, since it was the one she had always resorted to as he and Leah were growing up.
"Are you ok?" Edward asked me quietly, clearly so as not to be heard over the discussion going on.
"I'm fine." I replied, forcing a smile.
I was far from fine, but I wasn't about to admit that I wasn't and make everyone's day miserable. I also didn't want to make Edward feel like shit, regardless of his behaviour over the last day or so, I hadn't forgotten all that he and his family had done for me, as well as the fact that no matter what, I would always see him as a friend. I couldn't even say I blamed him totally, I had played an equal part in all of this. Each time he had kissed me, I could have put a stop to it at any time. But no, I had been so caught up in my feelings for him, allowing myself to believe this was his way of saying he wanted me. Now I wasn't so sure of that. Of course I knew there was a reason for his doing so, but kissing wasn't exactly a marriage proposal or a road to 'happily ever after', was it.
I don't think I concentrated on anything throughout the day. My mind was a whirlwind of activity, considering my options through my confusion. On more than one occasion, Edward had asked me if I was ok, or thrown looks of concern my way. Even my Dad had at one point asked me, but I guess unlike Edward, he bought the excuse that I was just tired, or hungry. It really is amazing that when you're pregnant no-one seems to question you claim of hunger, even though mere minutes ago you just ate.
By the time we arrived at Joe's, I was seriously beginning to lag though. We had walked all around the aquarium, climbed to the top of the space needle, and walked around Pike Place Market. My feet were killing me, and Jesus, if I didn't just want a glass of wine. I sat heavily in a seat between Edward and Emmett, so very tempted to make Emmett give me a foot rub.
"I swear, this is the last time I play tourist when pregnant." I moaned. "Oh Nachos!" I exclaimed, as a waitress placed a basket in front of Emmett.
"I'm not surprised you're tired B, with all that extra baggage you're carrying around with ya." Seth joked.
"Are you saying I'm fat?" I asked, not at all offended, but pretending to be. "Oh my God, I am aren't I?" I spat my nacho out into a napkin.
"SETH!" Rose scolded him. "No, Bella, sweetie, you aren't fat." She soothed me, though thankfully did catch my wink.
"I am. My pants are already getting tight, I'm going to be like a beached whale." I sobbed.
"Huh, oh B, I... well.. I didn't... shit..." Seth stuttered.
"Seth, Jesus." Edward hissed, turning his body to face me. "Baby, you are nowhere near fat."
"I am, oh my God, I'm gonna have to get a bigger chair to sit my fat ass in at work." A tear actually fell from my eye, though in all honesty, it probably more from humour than upset.
"B, no... I'm... I'm sorry B..." Seth had visibly paled, I almost felt bad for the poor guy.
"Here we..." Alice approached the table with a tray full of drinks. "Bella... sweetie what's wrong?" She stormed around the table, pushing herself between Edward and I.
"Bella?" My Dad's very worried voice stopped me from telling her.
"What's wrong honey?" Sue asked.
"I'm getting fat!" I cried. "I'm gonna be a heifer." Wow, even I was starting to believe me.
"Where on Earth did you get that idea?" Sue asked me softly.
"Seth." Rose snapped, glaring daggers at poor Seth.
"Seth Nathaniel Clearwater!" Sue scolded him, actually making him cower away from her.
"Wha... I... I didn't say..."
"Boy, do I need to go home and get my gun." My Dad warned.
"I didn't say you... I didn't say she was fat."
At this point, I had, had enough fun, and sat back in my seat, reaching across Emmett for is basket of nachos, and began snacking on them, with a huge smile plastered on my face.
"You... you!" Seth pointed at me, finally figuring it out.
"Yep." I smiled, popping another nacho in my mouth. "That'll teach you not to insinuate pregnant women are fat." I told him, Rose too beginning to struggle to fight her laughter. "And it's also revenge for earlier when you told me the shark tank was leaking, you big jerk." After a few moments everyone bar Seth chuckled.
"Well played Swan... well played." He finally chuckled.
I knew there would be a time in the not too distant future when I did actually begin to worry about my weight. It was only natural, but I also knew that the little amount of weight I would gain, would be nothing that going to the gym for a few months, and eating healthily couldn't sort out for me. I had always been blessed I suppose in the sense that I could eat just about anything and never really gain much. Besides I had been told time and time again, that the best thing about pregnancy was being able to eat what I wanted and when I wanted, and since I wasn't getting the amazing gift at the end, I was going to enjoy it.
It was around midnight when Edward and I walked into the apartment. For the last hour I had been leaning against Emmett and Edward in turn, my eyes getting heavier and heavier as the minutes passed. After the long day, the day before, followed by an almost fun day of sight seeing and another late night, all I wanted was to crawl into bed. I had originally planned to use the first opportunity I had of Edward and I being alone to sort everything out, but right now, I just didn't have the energy, despite hating having to put it off for yet another day.
"Good night." I murmured, heading straight for my room as Edward locked up.
"Night Baby." He replied.
It wasn't until I got into my room that Edward's words registered. He had called me Baby. And it hadn't been the first time either. Now I really thought about it, he had been calling me Baby, for some time. I had never really picked up on it, but now it had come to my attention, it was as clear as day. I actually couldn't remember a time he hadn't called me Baby, or at the very least another word of endearment.
It didn't bother me that he was calling me Baby. What bothered me, was the reason behind it. Friends didn't go around calling friends names like Baby, or Love, or anything else like that. So why was he calling it me? Did he even know he was calling me Baby?
As my thoughts consumed me, once again, the need for sleep slowly drifted from my body. I was more awake now, than I had been all day. I just couldn't work it all out. Did he have feelings for me? Did it matter if he did? Did he plan on ever telling me or acting on his feelings other than kissing me occasionally? Everything was such a mess. And I had let it get this way.
Did it matter that my feelings for Edward, were possibly reciprocated? At this point I honestly didn't think so. If I was right about his feeling for me, his actions showed me nothing but doubt. And why shouldn't he doubt his feelings. I was. Maybe it wasn't his feelings that he was in doubt of, maybe it was the situation as a whole. And who could blame the guy. I was pregnant with his Brother's baby. If I was Edward, I would have probably run a mile by now.
When I had agreed to be Emmett and Rose's surrogate, I had known that I was going to be putting my own life on hold for about a year. It hadn't really bothered me too much . Most guys didn't want to date pregnant women anyhow, so it wasn't like I was going to be batting them away left, right and centre. But now Edward was in the picture, yeah it did bother me slightly. Of course it did. But there was very little I could do about it now.
As the clock continued ticking by, one hour after the other, my thoughts didn't let up. I went from one extreme to the other, first thinking that if Edward felt the same, we really could make a go of it, which was quickly followed by the train of thought that he couldn't possibly feel the same. Everyone got a little emotional at weddings. Which obviously didn't explain the other kisses, but I argued with myself over whether it was jealousy on his behalf over his family all being paired off. There were no rhyme or reason to my thoughts, so much so, that even I was confusing myself.
It was after four am, that I finally gave up on the hope of sleep, climbing out of bed and going to make myself a mug of hot chocolate, knowing full well nothing at this point was going to help me sleep, but since coffee was definitely out, there were few options.
While I was waiting for the milk to warm, I became captivated by the view from the window. I had never really took much time to appreciate the gorgeous skyline before. Off into the distance over the tops of other apartment and office buildings, you could see the deep black of the Sound, and even now in the middle of May, I could imagine how cold it would be. With my drink finally in hand, I placed myself on one of the dining room chairs, and continued taking in the view, letting my mind wander through my thoughts, but finally being able to not allow them to consume me.
Slowly but surely, the sun began to rise, and noise from the street below got louder and busier. My hot chocolate was long since drunk, but I hadn't moved, except for when I had grabbed one of Edward's hoodies that had been draped over the back of one of the other chairs, when I had gotten a slight chill. As well as warming me, the hoodie smelt of pure Edward, which was in my opinion one of the most exquisite smells ever. It was raw and masculine, musky, with maybe a hint of pine, which I could only assume was from the detergent he used. Just his smell was enough to intoxicate me, even going as far as imagining that it was Edward wrapped around me.
At that point, I knew I had very few options on how to proceed. I could no longer find the strength within me to be with him, but not be with him. Yet I knew it was also stupid of me to think there could ever be an us, whilst ever I was pregnant, maybe even ever, regardless of what Rose and Alice may think. I finally came to the conclusion, that I had to move. Sooner rather than later. Where exactly, I wasn't sure, maybe to Angela's for a few weeks until I could find my own place. Now my insurance money had come through, I could afford to seriously think about it now.
My next problem was telling Edward. I wasn't naïve enough to think he would just accept it. He was too protective for that. And part of me was grateful, but I just couldn't stay here longer than I had to any more. It was too hard. I had to put some distance between us if I ever hoped of remaining friends with him. And I did, no matter what, I wanted to always be friends with him. He and his family had done so much for me, mainly Edward, but still. Going into this whole situation I had never expected to fall in love with Edward, or his family, maybe this was why it was so difficult.
"Bella!" A voice startled me. "Jesus Baby, how long have you been sat there?" Edward asked in concern as I turned to look at him.
He strode toward me, crouching at my side as he looked at me. He seemed to be searching for the answer himself rather than waiting for me to tell him. I just found myself getting lost in his emerald green eyes, that were filled with worry.
"Why do you call me Baby?" I found myself asking.
"I... Uh... Wha..." He stuttered, obviously having been caught off guard.
"Why do you call me Baby?" I asked again, determined that now I had opened this particular can of worms, I was going see it through.
"Uh... I... didn't realize I did." I wasn't sure whether he was telling me the absolute truth, but it didn't really matter either way, it wouldn't change the fact that he had been doing.
"Well you do." I told him matter of factly.
"Does it... uh... bother you?" He asked. "That I've been calling you that?" He added.
"Not really. I just... I wanna know why."
"I uh... I don't know." Was his reply.
I nodded in acceptance. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. Maybe, like me, he was too scared to make the first move, maybe he just didn't want to rock the boat, or most probably, he never realized because he truly saw me as nothing more than a friend. A friend of whom he now had a complicated relationship with, but a friend no less.
"How long..."
"I think I need..."
We both began to say at the same time. I gestured for Edward to continue, knowing my words possibly wouldn't go down too well.
"How long have you been sat out here?"
"A little after four. I couldn't sleep."
"Haven't you slept at all?" His eyes darkened somewhat. I knew it to be a sign of anger.
"No." I whispered.
"Jesus Bella. You should have come and woken me. You're going to make yourself sick."
"There wasn't anything you could have done Edward. It's not a big deal."
"There's lots of things I could have done Baby, I could have sat with you, I could have gone to the pharmacy for you... I don't know, anything other than sleeping soundly in the next room while you were out here alone."
There it was again, the 'Baby' thing. I really did believe at this point, he had know idea he was even calling it me.
"I needed time alone... to think." I told him.
"To think... about what?"
The concern was dripping from his tone. It made my next words even harder to tell him. But I needed to make him understand that neither of us could keep going on like this. Or more specifically I could no longer carry on like this, since I still wasn't sure of his feelings for me.
I pushed my feet off the chair they had been resting on, and grabbed his hand, gesturing for him to sit opposite me. I never let go of his hand, using that as my focal point. I couldn't look at him, I knew I would back out if I did.
"Edward... these past few months... I can't, I can't thank you enough for what you've done. What you've all done." His grip on my hand tightened slightly. "You gave me a home when I needed one, you've put up with my stupid issues, and listened to my fears." I felt like I could just burst into tears. "But... I think it's time I moved out." I finished quickly.
"What!" He dropped my hand suddenly. "Why?" He practically demanded.
"I just... I think it's for the best." I answered. I sounded weak, even to my own ears.
"The best for who?" He was angry, but I wasn't sure why.
"For me... For you... for the both of us."
Part of that was a lie. What was best for me, was staying here, with him, and getting my happily ever after. But it wasn't going to happen, therefore the next best thing was for me to leave.
"This was never meant to be a permanent thing Edward. We both knew that."
"Why now?"
What a good question. I didn't really have a good answer for that. It was something that I maybe should have done a while ago, but I had gotten too comfortable, being with him, relying on him. It was all for purely selfish reasons. No wonder he was angry with me.
"I don't want you to leave." He reached for my hand, his voice softer, almost as though his heart was breaking.
"I have to." I murmured.
"No Bella. Look me in the eye and tell me why."
Shit! I wasn't that good of an actress that I could blatantly lie to his face about my reasons for needing to move out. To lie halfway decently, I had to have time to prepare reasons, and I hadn't given myself time to think that far ahead before I opened my big mouth.
"Baby?" He gently cupped my chin, lifting my head so he could see my face.
"Because... because it's getting too much... too complicated..."
I didn't know what else to say to him to make him understand. Things between us were beyond complicated in my eyes, but if he didn't see it that way, then he wouldn't understand. To me, our behaviour was far from the norm, and I couldn't for the life of me believe that he thought it was.
"I know." He whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.
I had nothing more to say. He knew, he admitted it, and that's all there was to it. I wasn't about to pack my bags right this minute, I wasn't stupid enough to move out with nowhere to go, but I would have to make alternative arrangements. Now I had made my decision, it wasn't fair on either of us to continue dragging it out further.
I moved to get up, maybe now my mind was beginning to settle, I could go back to bed and sleep. Edward's hand grabbing my own, pulled me back into my seat. I hadn't even had the chance to ask him what was wrong before his lips crashed down onto mine. There was nothing slow, or loving about this kiss, it was bursting with desperation, need, want, desire. It quite literally left me breathless. Even when he pulled away, he didn't back away completely, he simply placed his forehead to rest against my own. Part of me wanted to be angry at him, but another part wanted to enjoy this parting moment, because after this, there would be no further 'moments' like this one.
"Bella... Baby... I would like, very much for things... to remain complicated between us." He let out such a contented sigh with his words.
Well, I do think I shall leave that right there! I know it's shorter than my usual chapters, but I just felt there was the best place to leave it. So could this be the start of a little romance between them. Will we, after such a long journey get to sigh finally? Please leave me some feedback, it's much appreciated and as usual, there's a teaser for every review:D