Chapter Twenty Five

Secrets

Sirius, James and Peter watched, mouths practically on the ground, as their friend – the werewolf – took off down the hall.

"Remus is a werewolf," James finally managed to say. "Well, learn something new every day."

Peter, meanwhile, had gone stone white. "He's a werewolf," he gasped. "He's a monsterous, wild, creature that could tear us up as we sleep. He's a WEREWOLF!"

"Shut up," said James and Sirius at once.

Peter looked wounded. "But he's a werewolf," he moaned. "I'm terrified of werewolves! They eat people! He's gonna eat us!"

"Shut up," said James and Sirius, again, at the same time.

"But – "

"SHUT UP!" yelled James and Sirius once more. They began speaking at once, furious babbles of just-not nonsense flowing out of their mouths.

"He didn't even tell us – "

"I told him I didn't even mind werewolves – "

"We're supposed to be his friends – "

"Why – "

"How – "

"He can't – "

"I don't care – "

"Me neither – "

"So we're – ?"

" – Agreed!"

"We have to – "

"Talk –

"To Remus and ask him – "

"Why in the world he didn't – "

"TELL US!"

They said the last two words at the same time.

Peter stared at his friends. "You two do what you like," he said in a shaky voice. "I'm not spending one more day in that dormitory with that werewolf."

And he sped off down the hall in the other direction.

James and Sirius looked at each other.

"What – a – " Sirius began, his eyes narrowing.

"We'll get him later," said Jame impatiently. "Come on, come on, we have to go find Remus!"

Life lesson: Finding your friend after he reveals to you that he is a werewolf is not as easy as it looks.

Remus hurried into Transfiguration ten minutes late, and despite their frantic gestures, he sat far away from his friends, all the way at the back of the classroom. He did this in every class they had, and didn't show up at all to lunch or dinner. Peter seemed to have disappeared all together.

"Is he avoiding us?" asked Sirius suspiciously that night as the two sat down in front of the common room fire. Remus still wasn't around and Peter hadn't reappeared.

"I don't know, Sirius, just maybe," said James sarcastically.

"But..why?"

"Sirius..sometimes I know why you and Remus argue so much."

Sirius blinked. "I don't."

"Because YOU'RE SO INCREDIBLY DUMB!"

Sirius looked wounded. "Dumb? Me?"

James let out a long, exaggerated sigh. "This cannot go on any longer," he declared. "I am not made to argue with you. That's Remus's job!"

"But I seriously don't understand – "

"BECAUSE," James shouted, "he just told us that he's a – "

He stopped short. He was attracting stares. "Nothing to see here!" he yelled. "Move along, people, go away!"

He leaned in closer to his friends as the mystified rest of the common room returned confusedly to their going ons. "A werewolf," he said, in tones so soft he could barely hear himself.

Sirius frowned. "Oh. Kay. Then. Sure."

"Sirius, this is serious!"

It was a mark of how serious the situation (seriously) truly (seriously) was that Sirius actually took it seriously and didn't quip about his name. "Yeah," he admitted. "We should really go see him, shouldn't we? And a) demand why he didn't tell us and 2) tell him we don't give a hoot about whether he's a werewolf or a green alien with purple polka dots all over his nose or... a moose."

James considered this. "I've always wanted to make friends with a moose," he agreed.

"Wait," said Sirius. "What about Peter?"

James sighed. "I really, really don't know, Sirius. It's gonna kill Remus that one of his best friends is gonna be so horrible to him for this of all stupid trivial things in the word. Let's just not bring him up..and if he asks..well.." His hand drifted to his messy hair and he attempted practically unconsciously to flatten it. This was apparently a gesture he'd made habit over the summer, as this was practically the eight thousandth time he'd performed it today. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he finally declared.

"Yes," agreed Sirius. "But what will we say?"

James's hand wafted to his hair again.

"We should really plan ahead.." Sirius began, then he slapped himself angrily across the face. "I sound like Remus! Ugh!"

"Well, I don't think – wait, look, speak of..the werewolf, I guess," said James suddenly, pointing to the doorway. Indeed, Remus was walking in.

James drew a breath. "REEEEMUS! OVERRR HEEEERRRREEEE!" he shouted as loudly as possible.

But Remus didn't even look their way. He only drew his cloak over his face and walked quickly towards their dormitory. He paused briefly to pick up his cat, then resumed walking.

James and Sirius looked at each other.

"Yeah, we definitely needa plan ahead."

Finally, after three hours of scribbling down scripts and practicing and memorizing and glaring at each other and yelling at each other and throwing pieces of parchment at each other..they finally were ready to confront Remus Lupin.

"He's locked the door," groaned James. "Oh, wow, he's locked the door. He's not making this easy for us, is he.."

But Sirius only whipped out his wand. "Actually, he is," he said smugly. "Gosh, for someone so smart, Rem sure can be dumb..maybe we should ask him to open it first, though, before Alahomora-ing it."

"Agreed," agreed James. He banged on the door. "OI! REMUS! OPEN UP!"

There was nothing but silence. Sirius took a turn.

"Remus Lupin!" yelled Sirius. "Open the door so we can talk to you!"

"No," came a call from inside. "I'm never coming out."

James pressed his hand to his head. "What about Transfiguration class?" he tempted his friend.

"I'm never coming out except to leave Hogwarts forever," came a yell.

Sirius drummed his fingers against the wall. "Well, that's cheerful," he said dryly.

"REMUS!" shouted James. "OPEN UP OR ELSE I'M BLASTING THE DOOR OPEN IN THREE SECONDS!"

"GO AWAY!" came a desperate yell.

"THREE!"

"Please, you guys, just leave!"

"TWO ONE ZERO! STAND BACK – ALOHOMORA!"

The door flew open, revealing Remus standing straight up on the bed, his cat looking understandably miffed, as he'd obviously been thrown from it seconds ago.

"Mreow," said Romulus in a very dignified sort of cat way, before stalking out of the room.

"Hello, Remus," said James. "Long time no talk."

"Please," Remus pleaded, "just leave."

"Why, Remus?" demanded Sirius, cutting straight to the point. "Why wouldn't you tell us such a ginormous secret of yours?"

"Just go," begged Remus.

"Did you think we were complete morons and would never figure it out?" James challenged.

"Leave me alone."

"REMUS, GIVE US ANSWERS!" shouted Sirius, throwing his arms in the air. "For crying out loud! We don't care if you're a werewolf! It's not like you'll morph into a wolf while we sleep, is it? You go somewhere – safe to transform – er – right?"

"Of course I do," whispered Remus.

"GOOD!" Sirius shouted. He wasn't actually sure exactly why he was shouting. Something in Remus's scared, quiet tone had hit a nerve. How could his friend not trust him? "SO WHY WOULD WE GIVE A FLYING HIPPOGRIFF THAT YOU'RE A – " he lowered his voice "werewolf?"

At the word werewolf, Remus flinched violently and sank down a little bit, tears threatening his eyes. "Because," whispered Remus, "because...you wouldn't understand..it's long..and..and.."

"We've got all night," said James, sitting down and crossing his legs. "There's no homework. Go on. We're all ears."

"Hang on a second," said Sirius aggressively, and Remus shrank back slightly. "Before he starts explaining – which he will do, a lot of – I have some questions I want answers to – "

"Sirius," said James sharply. "Let Remus talk."

Sirius glared at James for a few seconds, then sent a look of anger at Remus, and finally flumped onto his bed. "All right. Talk. But I want a detailed explanation."

Remus shot James a grateful look before beginning, in an extremely shaky voice, "It all started when..when..when I was six years old." Remus clenched his hands to stop them shaking. "My dad..my dad insulted him..my dad was trying to pass a law.." He felt his eyes burning with tears, "to outlaw werewolves. Fenrir Greyback heard about it. Fenrir Greyback..he's..I could go on for hours about how vile he is but I won't." Remus closed his eyes and fought back the memories of that horrible day that he'd gone..he'd gone into the forest..exploring..

"Remus," said Sirius sharply.

"I'm sorry, but this is kind of hard for me, okay!" said Remus angrily.

His friends silenced, and suddenly Remus found himself wishing they would talk. The silence was too much, too harsh, too.. silent.

Remus closed his eyes briefly, then opened then again. He found he couldn't quite meet his friends' eyes, so he opted for looking at the wall. "I was six years old," he repeated. "I went into the forest because Ricky Miller from primary school told me that there were faeries in the forest. My dad told me that faeries didn't live in England, at least not this part, and that mostly they stayed to themselves anyway. Mum just rolled her eyes and said she'd always thought faeries didn't exist but there you go. But I didn't listen to anyone. Ricky Miller was pure blood so I thought he knew more than my dad, who is a Muggle born by the way. And so I went into the forest. It was dark. And..then..he lunged." Remus couldn't suppress a shudder.

"Remus," said Sirius again, but in a much softer tone. "You don't have to – "

But Remus was already in too far to stop. "He grabbed me. I was six years old, I had no idea what to do. So I screamed. I screamed and screamed. And then he bit me. Right there.." He pulled up the hem of his robes very slightly, and for the first time, James and Sirius saw, on his ankle, a small, perfectly round scar.

"The cause of all my problems, this scar," said Remus darkly. "I screamed and screamed and screamed, and the wolf loped away. And then my dad found me, and he scolded me for going into the forest for no reason, and I told him a wolf bit me. And to this day I haven't forgotten the look on his face..it was completely white. I didn't know it then, but now I do – he knew,. He took me home and we went to St. Mungo's." Remus took a breath. "I was about ten seconds from dying that night," he whispered. "They all told me it was a miracle that I was alive. They just barely saved me. After that, everything changed. I was taken out of school and I just had to keep to myself. But my best friend...the one who told me about the faeries..Ricky Miller..I told him, I told him if he'd swear not to tell anyone, and he did. But as soon as I told him..he screamed and he ran away and he told me that he never wanted to see me again because I might eat him. He told everyone magic in our village – there were a lot of them, see. And he told all the Muggles that I had a dangerous disease. And everyone..I mean no one..would come anywhere near me after that." Remus noted inanely that his hands were shaking wildly. He heard the horrible cries of the children as he came near. Ahhhhh! Get him away! He's gonna eat us! "And I thought that you guys might..would possibly..would probably..do what everyone would do. Abandon me. Tell everyone." Remus forced his hands into fists to stop them shaking. "And you probably will.."

"Remus," said James quietly. "I have six words for you.

"You.

"Are.

"The.

"Biggest.

"Idiot.

"Alive."

Remus looked very taken aback. "Er.."

"Yeah, you are," jumped in Sirius. "How could you think that we would betray you for something as – as – as you would say, as trivial as you being a werewolf? It doesn't matter. It's just once a month, isn't it? As Andromeda would say, it's just that you happen to turn into a bloodthirsty beast twelve out of three hundred sixty five days."

Remus flinched as if slapped.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius quickly. "I mean..turn into a wolf. I like wolves."

"Yeah, at least you're not a moose," agreed James.

"..A moose?" repeated Remus.

And the three began to laugh.

And suddenly Remus knew. He knew that he was being an idiot. His friends would never do anything to hurt him, they would never desert him, especially not for this, and they would never tell anyone his secret.

"And you know, Remus," added Sirius, "I'm not mad at you for not telling us, not really. I mean I wish you had, but..well..I kind of see where you're coming from in not telling us after you told us that story..and..you should hear my parents harping on about werewolves. So you were entirely justified, as you would say."

"Yeah," said James, rather uncharacteristically serious. "I mean..everyone has secrets. Right?"

"Yeah," agreed Sirius.

"I'm afraid of teddy bears," offered James.

There was a beat.

"..Teddy bears?" repeated Sirius.

"Yeeeeeah, shouldn't have shared that," muttered James, reddening.

"You're crazier than you look," Sirius told him.

"So are you," said James cheerfully.

"I am not!"

"You are too! You're much crazier than me!"

"At least I don't fear teddy bears!"

"At least it wasn't my idea to GRAFFITI THE POTIONS ROOM!"

"You helped!"

"Only because you made me!"

"Well, whose idea was the sheep?"

"Yours!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"It was Peter's!"

"He was at home!"

"Hey you guys..where is Peter?" asked Remus, suddenly noticing his absence and wondering briefly how he'd missed him.

Both friends stopped bickering and immediately feel silent. "Yyyyyeah, about that," said Sirius uneasily.

"Yes, about that," said Remus, a slow but painfully familiar feeling of dread rising in his chest. "Where.. what.."

"Remus, we'll get around him eventually," said James desperately. "It doesn't – "

"You guys," said Remus quietly, "what did he say when I told you guys – what I told you?"

James and Sirius looked at each other nervously.

"What did he say?" repeated Remus, his voice stronger. "What did he say?"

"You're really scary sometimes," said Sirius in a small voice. "Do you know that?"

"Sirius, please tell me."

"Weeeelll.." began James, as Sirius didn't particularly look anywhere near telling anyone anything, "he may have mentioned something along the lines of..you know.." He cleared his throat nervously. "Um..Remus..you really don't wanna hear this.."

"Tell me," said Remus once more, but his voice trembled.

James swallowed. Sirius took over. "Right," he said nervously, "he might've said something along the lines of.. monsterous, wild, creature that could tear us up as we sleep.."

Remus sucked in his breath. He went first a light shade of red, the a deep, deep purple, and finally he went white as a sheet of paper. "You have to be kidding me," he whispered.

"I told you you didn't wanna hear it," said Sirius meekly.

"Remus..we'll make him see sense," began James.

"Yeah, it'll be fine," Sirius said anxiously.

"I'm going to sleep," was all Remus said. "Thanks, you guys. Really. I don't deserve the friends I have..at least, not you two."

And before they could reply, he'd climbed into bed.

Sirius looked at James.

"Not your average first day back," he mouthed.