They lay snuggled together in the center of the bed sleeping soundly, their evening of wine and a hot bath followed by more wine and more reconnecting leaving both of them physically and emotionally spent and ready to rest by 3 AM. Jack wasn't sure if he felt the small hands pushing on him or heard the "Daddy wake up!" chant first, but he was sure his mind and body were nowhere near ready to wake up. He finally forced his eyes open and was met with the wide eyes of an excited child.
"Daddy come on! It's Christmas!" Sam pleaded.
"Sam, what time is it?" Jack groaned sleepily.
"The clocks says 4-3-6, come on daddy, Santa came!" Sam urged, the activity finally causing Kate to stir and lift her head from the warmth of Jack's chest.
"Sam, it's 4:30 in the morning, I think we need to sleep a little more." Jack sighed heavily knowing he was not going to win this battle.
"I slept already. Kate tell him it's okay to get up now." Sam pleaded with her.
"It's Christmas Jack, it's okay to get up now." Kate mumbled.
"Okay Sam, go wait for us in the living room." Jack told him.
"No daddy, you will go back to sleep. You have to come now." Sam demanded.
"Sam, I need to pee. I'll be out in 5 minutes." He groaned needing the child to leave the room so they could get up because both of them were naked.
"Do you promise you won't go back to sleep?" Sam asked.
"I promise. Will you go make daddy some really strong coffee?" Jack asked.
"I can't make coffee." Sam giggled.
"You can get the stuff down for me. Will you do that?" Jack asked.
"Okay, but hurry. You should see all the stuff Santa brought!" Sam said as he moved off the bed and ran out of the room excitedly.
"I think I might throw up." Jack sighed heavily and forced himself up and off the bed.
Kate lay her head on the pillow and watched his naked butt walk across the room toward the closet, smiling despite the fact that she was so tired she too felt like she might throw up. He exited the closet less than a minute later wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a robe in his hand. He dropped the robe on the bed, leaned over and kissed her.
"You look so sexy. I'd rather crawl back in there with you than suggest you put that robe on, but Santa came." He said in an apologetic tone.
"Mmm…. Santa sure did come, several times if memory serves." Kate teased.
"Kate." Jack laughed.
"We really need to remember to lock our door Jack or at least turn the lights off because he's going to bust us eventually." Kate laughed and sat up, slipping the robe over her arms and shoulders.
Kate barely had the robe closed before Sam appeared in the doorway again.
"Hurry!" Sam insisted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and holding himself, obviously needing to go to the bathroom, but too eager to get to the presents to make the detour.
They both watched him for a moment and laughed before ordering him to slow down and go take care of business before he had an accident.
"Let get out there and Jack, after this, there is really something important we need to discuss." Kate reminded him.
"Okay." He replied and they both slowly walked out of the bedroom together.
An hour later all the packages were ripped open and they sat in the middle of the mess watching Sam go from one new toy to the next.
"Daddy can I ride my bike?" Sam asked.
"Sam, it's still dark outside." Jack chuckled.
"Can we go put the new car on the train?" Sam asked.
"Sam, why don't we clean up some of this mess, have some breakfast and then I bet it will be light outside and you can ride your bike." Kate suggested.
"No, I'm not hungry." Sam whined.
"Don't whine Sam." Jack groaned, so tired he wanted to get on the floor with Sam and whine too.
Sam recognized his father's tone as the one that meant he should probably stop nagging at him or else and crawled around through the mess trying to decide what he wanted to play with. He noticed the envelope stashed inside the branches. He pulled it out and looked at it.
"What's that honey?" Kate asked.
"It says it's for you." Sam said and handed her the envelope, allowing Kate to pull him into her lap while she opened it.
Kate looked at the envelope, the words "To Kate, From Santa" printed across the front making her smile and look at Jack.
"What is it?" She asked.
"I don't know, it says it's from Santa." Jack said.
Kate opened the envelope and removed the brochures for the 5-Star Bed & Breakfast in the mountains that were inside.
"That's where we're spending New Year's Eve and New Year's Day." Jack told her.
"Jack, when did you, I mean how could you have known, that I'd come back?" Kate asked.
"I didn't, I was hopeful. I decided that even if you wouldn't spend the holiday there with me; that you deserved a nice getaway and could take a friend with you." Jack told her.
"I walked out on you and you bought me a Christmas present?" Kate asked her eyes filling with tears.
"You're all I thought about and all I cared about, well except for Sam of course. After talking with your brother I understood why you left. It didn't make not having you here any easier, but knowing that you weren't here because you were hurting in ways I can't even begin to imagine……well, I love you Kate and I never stopped missing you or hoping you'd come back, but even if you didn't I wanted to do something nice for you." Jack told her.
Kate wiped her tears and hugged Jack tightly, squashing Sam in-between them and pulling back, turning the boy to face her and kissing him on the cheek.
"I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean to squash you." Kate apologized.
"It's okay." Sam said and squirmed out of her lap, standing on the floor in-between her knees.
He stopped and turned, wrapping his arms around her neck, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.
"I'm so glad you came back. This is the best Christmas I ever had." Sam told her.
"Me too baby." Kate told him returning the hug and the kiss.
"Is it your best Christmas too dad?" Sam asked.
"That depends on whether or not you're going to let me go back to bed." Jack teased the child.
Sam didn't appreciate the humor and hung his head. Jack pulled him in for a quick hug and stood the boy in front of him.
"It's my first Christmas with you, of course it's the best one I've ever had." Jack told him and mussed the boy's hair.
Sam was happy with that response and moved back to the mess in the middle of the floor. Jack relaxed back into the sofa and Kate relaxed back into him. They sat quietly watching Sam play.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Jack finally asked getting no response.
"Kate?" He asked again.
He pulled his head up and looked down at her. She was asleep and apparently sleeping very hard. He laughed lightly and let his head relax back into the sofa, closing his eyes just for a moment, just long enough to soothe the burn that the lack of sleep was causing. When he opened them again daylight was pouring through all the windows. He looked around confused and then realized he really had dozed off that quickly. He glanced down at the mess in the middle of the floor and at his son who was asleep in the middle of it and breathed a sigh of relief. He focused in on the clock on the wall. It was a little after 10. He noticed that Kate was no longer cuddled up next to him and sat up quickly, looking around the room and then relaxing again when he saw her enter the room freshly showered and dressed.
"Did you think I left you again?" She asked and winked.
"No." He shrugged.
"Liar." She teased.
"Maybe for a second, but only because I wasn't fully awake." He admitted and she leaned in and kissed him.
"It's okay. I'd be a little twitchy too if you'd done what I did." She told him, smiling and then kissing him again.
"I'm going to go grab a shower and then I'll start cleaning up this mess." Jack said.
"Jack, we really need to talk while Sam is sleeping." Kate pressed.
"Okay, just give me 10 minutes." Jack told her.
When Jack returned from the shower Sam was awake and Kate was making him breakfast. Jack began the task of cleaning up all the papers and empty boxes, but didn't get very far before Sam appeared begging to be taken outside to ride his new bike. Jack took the boy outside and Kate joined them a few minutes later. She watched him run up and down the sidewalk holding onto the bike, not willing to let go and let Sam try it on his own.
"You have to let go eventually Jack." Kate laughed.
"Let go daddy, I can do it." Sam insisted.
Jack finally let go and stopped, watching as Sam wobbled down the sidewalk and then finally lost it, most of him landing on the grass. It was a nice, warm December day and Sam had on a short-sleeved t-shirt. When he came up he was crying and holding his arm. Both Jack and Kate ran to him and began assessing the damage. His arm and elbow was scraped and bleeding, but the injury was minor. Jack turned his attention away from Sam for a moment, glancing at the car parked across the street and then quickly turned his attention back to Sam.
"Kate, can you take him inside." Jack asked his tone suggesting something was wrong.
"What's wrong?" Kate asked.
"Please Kate, just do what I asked." Jack snapped.
Kate could tell something had him almost scared so she didn't argue. She picked Sam up and carried him back to the house. Jack pretended to fuss over the bicycle while taking another peek at the car parked at an angle to him. He pushed the bike back toward his house and as soon as he was directly across from the car he quickly darted across the street, shoved his arm in through the open window and grabbed the keys before the woman had a chance to start the car and take off.
"Hello Jack." She said, so calm and cool it made him take a couple of steps back.
"Carrie. What the hell?" Jack asked.
"I always knew you'd be a good father Jack." She said.
"Shut up! What are you doing here? Why? Do you have any idea what you've put that boy through?" Jack asked.
"Who's that woman and why is she so cozy with my son?" Carrie asked.
Jack didn't answer her. He placed his hands on the back of his head and began pacing. Kate was holding Sam and watching Jack through a window. She could see there was a woman in the car and her gut told her that the woman was Carrie and that Jack was going to be beyond angry when he found out that she knew Carrie was alive and she hadn't told him yet. She picked up the phone, called Rick and told him he needed to go outside and get Jack. Rick didn't question or argue, he could tell by her tone that something was terribly wrong. Rick walked out of house just in time to see Jack pound his fists hard on the top of the car, yelling at the person inside and pacing back and forth like a caged animal. He ran across the street and placed himself between Jack and the woman in the car.
"What's going on Jack?" Rick asked.
"Go back into your house Rick." Jack warned and pushed him out of his way.
Rick placed himself between Jack and the car again.
"Ma'am I think that you should probably leave." Rick said, the look in Jack's eyes as scary and intimidating as anything he'd ever seen.
"He's got my keys." Carrie said.
"Look Jack, I don't know what's happening here, but what you're thinking isn't the solution." Rick warned.
"What am I thinking Rick?" Jack asked.
"Jack, give the woman her keys and let her be on her way." Rick said.
"Why Carrie?!" Jack yelled angrily as Rick held him off.
"Carrie, as in Sam's...." Rick questioned.
"Yeah." Jack huffed, threw the keys at her and began to walk away.
"I want to see him Jack." Carrie said reigniting his rage.
Jack came back, eyes crazy and Rick held him off again.
"Ma'am, you need to go." Rick urged.
Carrie started the car and pulled away. Jack was so shocked and angry he was shaking.
"What's going on Jack?" Rick asked.
"You know as much as I do. She just showed up. I was teaching Sam how to ride his new bike and noticed her sitting there." Jack said as he worked to calm himself down.
"Did Sam see her?" Rick asked.
"No. What the hell am I going to do?" Jack asked, the reality of the situation starting to sink in.
"I don't know but getting angry and threatening her isn't the solution." Rick advised.
"I didn't threaten her." Jack argued.
"Maybe not verbally, but trust me Jack, if she wasn't scared then she's either stupid or crazy or both." Rick said.
Rick walked back to Jack's house with him and into the garage where Jack carefully parked the bicycle.
"I'm fine Rick." Jack said in an agitated tone.
"Yeah, I can tell. I'm not here to baby sit you. I came to take Sam off your hands for awhile so you and Kate can talk about what just happened." Rick said.
Jack and Rick entered the house. They found Sam and Kate in the kitchen. She was bandaging his scrapes and he was whining to go back outside and ride the bike some more. Jack took one look at her and could tell she knew what had just happened and that she had things to tell him and he wasn't sure whether to be angry or hurt over the idea that his dead ex-girlfriend had just resurfaced and Kate didn't seem to be the least bit surprised.
Rick looked between them and could feel the tension. He approached Kate and picked Sam up from the counter top where he was sitting.
"You want to come to my house and see what the kids got for Christmas?" Rick asked him.
"But, I wanted to ride my bike some more." Sam said sadly.
"Come on Sam, let's go ride some more." Jack said and took the boy from Rick, setting him down and taking hold of his hand.
"Jack." Kate argued.
"It's Christmas and he wants to ride his new bike. When he's had enough he can go with Rick." Jack said, keeping his tone even so Sam wouldn't pick up on the tension.
Rick and Kate watched Jack exit the home and then looked at each other.
"He knows." Kate said.
"He knows what?" Rick asked.
"He knows that I knew Carrie was still alive and didn't tell him." Kate said.
"Why would you do that Kate?" Rick asked.
"I tried to tell him last night, but serious talks weren't exactly in his plans and I tried again this morning, but he was too exhausted and too distracted with Sam." Kate told him.
"I'm sure he'll understand." Rick offered.
"Yeah, sure." Kate nodded and bit her lip nervously.
"Listen, this is none of my business, but I'm next door if you guys need anything. Tell Jack to send Sam over when they're done and Christy said to tell you that dinner is at 4 PM." Rick said and left.
Kate busied herself by cleaning up the mess around the Christmas tree in the living room and then finally sitting on the couch with a magazine she couldn't manage to focus on. She heard him enter the house and took a deep breath, the knowing and not telling him not what was making her nervous, but the way she came to know and knowing how much that was going to upset him. However, it had never occurred to her that he'd be thinking what he was thinking. He walked past her without saying a word and she followed, watching him strip out of his clothes, enter the bathroom and turn the shower on.
"Another shower?" Kate asked.
"Yeah, running up and down a sidewalk for two hours leaves you feeling less than fresh." He mumbled and stepped inside the shower.
She sighed, stripped out of her clothes, pulled her hair back and up and stepped into the shower with him. He heard the shower door open and felt her slip in behind him, but didn't turn around.
"Kate I'm really tired and just want to get the sweat off of me." He said, his tone edgy.
"Jack, turn around and talk to me." Kate insisted.
"How long have you known Kate?" Jack asked still refusing to look at her.
"I tried to tell you Jack." She said.
"That's not what I asked. I asked how long you've known." Jack said.
"Look at me Jack!" She said angrily, grabbing his arm and tugging until he turned to face her.
"Is this why you came back Kate? Competition shows up and all of the sudden you want to be with me again?" Jack asked as hateful as she'd known him to be.
"Is that what she is Jack? Competition?" Kate spat back at him.
"In my mind no, but we aren't talking about me, we're talking about you and your motives Kate." Jack said.
"Jack, I don't have any motives." She sighed and ran her hand lightly over his chest.
"Why did you come back Kate?" He asked again, angrily stopping her hand and holding onto it.
"I came back because your father helped me see what a fool I was being!" She shouted at him.
She let go of the tears she was fighting, the tears that were there because he was hurt and no longer trusting of her and hurting her with every hateful accusation that came out of his mouth. She'd done so much damage to their relationship by walking out on him and she would give anything if she could take it all back, but she couldn't and she wasn't going to play this game with him.
"What?" Was all he could manage, his mind reeling from the events of the day and this latest bit of information crossing into "too much to comprehend" territory.
"Your father came to see me Jack, to let me know in no uncertain terms that I was destroying you. He told me Carrie was alive and in Los Angeles and that I needed to protect you and Sam from her, but that's not why I came back Jack. I came back because I love you and I need you and yes a part of me wants nothing more than to protect you and Sam from the pain her returning is going to cause. I know I abused your trust, but please Jack I can't do this. You're looking at me like you don't trust me at all and if that's how you feel then just say so and we'll go our separate ways, but you can't love me and want me and promise me that you forgive me and then do this every time you're feeling insecure." Kate pleaded with him, trying to sound firm and angry, but failing miserably.
Jack looked at her, small and fragile and sad, so very sad and he'd caused it. The idea that her reasons for coming back to him weren't genuine was crushing him and now he was crushing her with his insecurities. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest.
"I'm sorry. What are we doing to each other Kate?" He said sadly.
"Jack, I love you and I am here because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That is the best I can do so you either really have forgiven me, believe me and want to be with me or you don't, but you don't get to get to throw it in my face anymore. Do you trust me Jack?" She asked, holding tightly to him and not really wanting to hear his answer, but needing to.
He had to think about the question for a moment. Did he trust her? Did he really trust anyone? Was he so screwed up he couldn't open himself up to something as huge as putting all of his faith and trust in another human-being?
"I trust you Kate. I have to. I won't survive this or any minute after if I don't have you in my corner so maybe the old man knew what he was talking about when he told you I needed protecting." Jack admitted.
"Why would a mother do something like this to her child?" Kate asked.
"She's not the same woman I used to know Kate. I could tell from that brief encounter that she's different and not in a good way. Maybe if I'd treated her better my son wouldn't be caught in the middle of something no child should be caught in the middle of." Jack said sadly.
Kate lifted her head from his chest, went up no her tip-toes and kissed him. She reached behind him, grabbed the bath sponge, squirted some body wash onto it and began rubbing it slowly over his chest, arms and stomach.
"I suspect she probably was never completely stable Jack, but I know you're going to blame yourself regardless of how much I protest so you go ahead and do that and I'll be right here, in your corner." She told him.
He could feel himself relaxing, the horror of the moment when he spotted Carrie finally starting to process and release. He grabbed the sponge, added fresh body wash and turned her around.
"Will you marry me tomorrow Kate?" He whispered into her ear while he moved the sponge slowly over her shoulders and back.
"Maybe we should put that off until things settle down." She said, closing her eyes as he pulled her closer and began moving the sponge over her breasts and stomach.
"I don't want to put it off." He said and kissed the side of her neck.
"Because you want us to be a family and make it harder for her to get Sam back?" Kate asked.
"That's a fair question and there's probably a lot of truth to it. So what do you say Kate?" Jack asked and turned her around again, his soapy hands slithering over her hips.
"I say it's a really bad reason to get married Jack." She said expecting to see disappointment or defeat in his eyes, but got a look of determination instead.
"Maybe Kate, but we were going to get married two months ago so it's not like it's what made me ask you to marry me. Do you really think it's a bad idea or is it something else? Are you afraid to marry me Kate?" He asked.
"Yes." She answered.
"Kate you said you came back because you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and I'm not going to question that, but I am going to hold you to it." He told her and brought his hands up and over her breasts, lowering his head and kissing her passionately.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, their bodies pressed together tightly under the steamy stream of water. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He turned the water off, opened the shower door and carried her to the bed, laying her onto it and following on top, her legs opening for him and his body positioning itself in the space she'd created.
"I know you're scared, afraid that if you make it real something bad will happen, but nothing is going to happen to me Kate. Do you trust me?" He asked his lips lightly grazing hers as his eyes made contact with hers.
"Yes." She answered in a breathy tone caught somewhere between lust, love and grief and feeling overwhelmed by the moment.
"Then take my hand, hold on tight and marry me tomorrow. I promise to always love you Kate and try every day to make you happy." He said as he kissed her softly.
"You make me happy Jack…….every day, but I can't marry you tomorrow." She told him, the disappointment that showed in his eyes this time breaking her heart.
He moved off of her and disappeared into the bathroom. He returned with a towel wrapped around his waist and a clean towel for her.
"We should get dressed. Christy and Rick are expecting us for dinner." He mumbled.
"Jack I'm sorry." She apologized.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too." He sighed.
"What are we going to do about Carrie?" She asked.
"Let's just enjoy what's left of Christmas by not talking about Carrie." He said quickly and started to walk away. She grabbed his arm and made him turn around and look at her.
"Jack, I'm going to marry you, just not tomorrow." Kate tried to reason with him.
"Yeah, I know, come on, get up, we've burdened the neighbors with Sam long enough." He said and pulled away from her.
"Ten minutes ago you were ready to make love and be late for dinner. You're acting like a spoiled child Jack!" She snapped.
"I'm not going to fight with you Kate. You want to keep running from your demons I can't stop you, but I don't have to pretend to be happy about it or be an enabler for your neurosis by pretending that it's okay because it's not. Can we please just get dressed and go eat dinner now?" He replied calmly.
"Fine Jack, let's get married tomorrow." She sighed.
"Nope, sorry, that offer has expired." Jack said.
"What the hell does that mean?" Kate asked, hating how angry he obviously was, but was masking it under a calm and almost smug demeanor.
"It means that the offer is off the table Kate and someday I will make the offer again and maybe you'll accept and maybe you won't, but for now, the subject of marriage is closed." He told her.
"So what, you're going to punish me now?" Kate asked sarcastically.
"If that involves spanking you really, really hard then yeah baby, I'm in." He replied more serious than not.
"Go ahead Jack. You're pissed, I get it. If some rough sex will help you feel better then go for it." She taunted and grabbed his hands roughly.
He pulled away and grabbed both of her wrists, his large hands wrapping around them easily, holding them tight, the urge to pin them to the bed and fuck her senseless threatening to consume him. He moved his face closer to hers. She could feel his hot breath as he moved his mouth to her ear, not the least bit threatened by him, but surprisingly very turned on.
"The day I allow myself to take you in anger is the day you'll have a real reason to be running." He whispered and pulled back.
"Jack." She said softly.
"No. You don't get to feel better by goading me into disrespecting your body." He said and walked away.
She watched him disappear into the closet and she suddenly understood what he was doing. He wasn't punishing her, he was being honest. He believes she's being neurotic and doesn't agree with her decision and he's hurt and angry, but he loves her and respects her enough to let it be her decision and not guilt or force her into doing what she doesn't feel ready to do. She stood, wrapped the towel around her body and walked toward the closet. He glanced up at her when she entered the closet and finished pulling his jeans up, fastening them and grabbing a belt. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.
"Thank you." She said and walked away but not before seeing the acknowledgement in his eyes.