How long had it been?
Jax was slumped against the far corner of his cell, sitting on what he could only assume was the "bed." His eyes were unfocused, vaguely staring at one of the corners in the ceiling. The only thing keeping him from hugging himself for comfort were the shackles on his hands, and his psionics felt much lesser without his horns.
The panel on the wall displayed a time in the military standard—but Jax couldn't be certain if it was accurate or even true. He couldn't be sure of anything, anymore. Cronus had intended for him to die. His siblings, the ones he was told would conspire against him, had saved his life. Now, he was apparently aboard the Commander's vessel. Caught in a limbo, a hell of nothingness. Only him and his thoughts, and the terrible, terrible reality he was now forced to face.
If not the Elders to look after him, then who? He... admittedly, loved his Priests. But he was unsure if they were even here now. Hestia and Demeter... were in the plane with him, he thought. He could swear they were sitting next to him. But, of Maria...? His chest ached with a mournful hollowness. Jax didn't know what he'd do without Maria. She was his constant companion and source of comfort, tailor-made to suit him. A life without her would be a far bleaker one, if it wasn't already.
What would he do, now? He was captured. There was no salvation to be had with the Elders, anymore. As Cronus had decreed death, assuredly the others had been made known of his failing. What was he to do, join XCOM? If his whole body didn't feel so numb, Jax might've actually laughed. The notion was absurd, and yet... he had nowhere else to turn. If Hestia and Demeter were with XCOM, as he had gotten from their scheming, it was a solid reason. It was that, or remain in his cell for the foreseeable future. He just... had some troubles about working with XCOM. He didn't know why. Perhaps some part of him was still holding out hope.
The Elders looked after you for twenty years. It is only your own fault that you are now in this situation. If you had held your tongue with Cronus, He would be moving the very stars to seek you.
Jax lidded his eyes, and a dull pain in his chest permeated the numbness. Yes. If he hadn't been uncouth with Cronus, he wouldn't be as he was, now. Cronus would still look upon him favorably. He would have reason to stay in his cell and admit nothing. He had failed the Elders, and he only had himself to blame. It had all been well, until Jax began to question it. If he had just left himself to believe in the Elders unquestioningly, as he had always known... he could sit here for hours, facing himself with the "ifs." The conditions that would give him a clear reason to not work with XCOM.
Is further disgracing yourself in Their eyes not enough? Well, it wasn't as if he could get any lower than Father latching a bomb unto him. Even now, recounting it made Jax shudder and draw in on himself. Why. That was the one question he kept returning to. He knew why but why? What would move a being so noble and selfless before to such cruelty? He could only stand your incompetence for so long. There is infinite patience, but no such thing as infinite tolerance. His brother proved that much.
Mordenna. Mordenna had every reason to not call out the collar. Sure, Jax assumed the mission's purpose was to capture him. But Jax knew Mordenna... or, thought he did, anyhow. The Hunter would have left the Warlock to die. So Jax believed. Instead, he organized his sister into sparing his life. Saving it. What had happened, in the months he had been gone? The only insight he had was the ghost of one of Mordenna's telltale episodes, and the fact that he was still alive certainly brought some questions. Dare he think his brother might be becoming a better person? Certainly he was trusted enough to go on a mission with Fal-Mai.
That last thought left Jax with both an incredible loneliness and the numbness, once again. The numbness he could understand, but this feeling of longing? For his brother? Jax was almost certain there was something wrong with him, if there wasn't already. Under the Elders, the three saw fit to fight with each other, and Jax had a distaste for both of his siblings. Mordenna was a slacker, keen to mouth off to the Elders and neglect his duties as much as possible while picking fights with Fal-Mai and Jax. Fal-Mai was young, naive, and single-sighted in her purpose under the Elders. Struggling with emotions she had been told not to feel. Why, now? Why did he feel some urge to speak with them? Masochism, perhaps. The word echoed in Father's voice and Jax shuddered.
Fully withdrawn on himself and balled up as much as he could manage, Jax closed his eyes. Sleep... was difficult. Only if he was well and truly relaxed. But he had to try. Anything was preferable to being left alone. A fear of being alone. How childish are you? Had he ever been allowed to grow up? He was twenty years older, but some things crept upon him still.
A sound that wasn't the ever-present, deep thrum of the ship made Jax jump, eyes shooting open. Across from him, the door to his cell had opened, and in stepped the Commander herself. She was... far more earthly, than Jax had expected. Yet, there was a certain uncanniness to her features. She was over fifty, was she not? Where were the age lines to her face? Why was her skin still so taut? Even stranger was the eccentricness of her signature. Soft... so soft. More of a soft hum than any instrument he was used to. Light blue.
Her eyes locked with his, and she offered a gentle smile. "Jax."
He merely gave a soft noise in reply. The numbness was still there, and he didn't want to speak. He almost wanted to pout. Outside of his usual disgust for his childlike tendencies, something else stopped him. Eliza's smile seemed genuine, and he would be lying if he said he didn't associate her voice with one of authority and knowledge. Twenty years of consultation on the Network colored his hearing of her.
Eliza took her spot, sitting down across from him, giving him plenty of space. Now, he could see there was a remote in her hands, which she placed on the floor. Some part of him suggested overpowering her and taking it... but to what end? Cronus had already wanted him dead. Presenting the Commander would bring momentary praise... and then annihilation. Besides, he could not teleport even if he wanted to—the familiar feeling in his being he would always call upon for longer travel was gone. With his Sarcophagus, went his long-distance teleportation.
"I... know this is a silly question," she began softly, "but I'll ask anyway because I care. Are you alright, Jax?"
He lidded his eyes again, pulling his knees closer and hiding the bottom half of his face behind them. Hiding! Like a coward. He was scared. Jax was somewhere he didn't like, with no comfort, nobody else with him, and no clue what he could do. Yes. He was upset. Figuring that was his answer, he shook his head.
Eliza looked pretty somber at that, fidgeting with her hands. Well, what was she supposed to say to that? It wasn't like he was going to give her a verbal answer. Still she made a good effort. "Jax, I want to help any way I can. If you'd let me, we can talk if you want."
Talking. What good would talking do at this point? He knew where he had failed. He knew why he had failed. There was nothing more to lament about it than to gripe for griping's sake. He did not want to speak—he wanted his Priests.
Thinking about it... Eliza likely had Hestia and Demeter on the ship. Maybe more of his followers, if he wanted to believe the hope that they had approached XCOM afterwards. If Eliza was not being facetious about her want to help, could he not ask for them? Though, that would involve mustering up the will to speak...
Jax closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. He just needed one word. Hopefully Eliza would understand. "... Maria."
It took a moment, but Eliza responded. "Do you want me to bring your Archbishop in?"
Was it true? Did the Commander have Maria on the ship? From the way she worded it, it seemed to be the case. The numbness that suffused his being seemed to lighten a bit, and he nodded. He could hear Eliza shifting around, likely getting up. "Central, send the Archbishop over to the Chosen Holding Cells. Room three. Have her open the door." A pause. "I'll stay in here with you, Jax."
As much as Jax wanted to say he didn't care if Eliza left or stayed... it was untrue. Eliza was company, and he didn't want to be alone in here. He opened his eyes again, studying Eliza more. She was awfully tall, for a human female. Jax wondered if that had anything to do with the modifications Argus put upon her. He hadn't known the extent—he'd managed a conversation with Them once, and it was about all he got. Eliza remained standing, obviously trying not to stare him down in the silence.
If he were in a better mood, he might make more conversation. As it stood, all he could do was look down and hug his legs as much as he could with his shackles on. Maria would be here soon. As much as he brushed off talking earlier, talking to her would soothe him.
It was a bit of waiting, but eventually Jax heard the door open, and he chanced sitting up. Ducking under the door was Maria... helmetless. Jax could now see the structure of her face. The crest of her head and strong jaw alluded to her Berserker heritage, but the two tentacle-like bumps on the top of her head, three bolts going along the middle of her scalp, and orange, detailed eyes belied her Gatekeeper strain. There were mechanical fasteners going along the length of her jaw—one of the Skirmishers must've helped her get her helmet off.
Maria looked... dignified. Magnificent. Jax had once balked at the idea of any of his congregation taking their helmets off, but Maria proved his fears were unfounded. Their eyes met and Maria stalled, for just a moment. Not a very long moment; she was soon rushing towards him, ignoring Eliza completely. She practically dove into him and wrapped him in a hug, himself leaning into it and burying his face into her.
"M-my Chosen, I'm—I'm sorry, please forgive me, if I had known that was what Cronus had granted you—"
Jax sucked in a breath through his teeth at the recent memory, numbness fading as he leaned against Maria. Maria delved into more apologies and squeezed him close. He wasn't surprised that Maria had found out what had happened. He was sure that word of it spread quickly—and his Priests, if nothing else, knew how to share the news. That didn't matter to him so much now. Maria was here. Jax wasn't alone. He had someone who would comfort him.
The more the mist lifted, the more Jax hurt, and it felt more and more like his chest was trying to rip itself open. He tried, with all his might, to hold it back. Eliza was still in the room. If she hadn't been privy to his and his sister's encounter out in the field, he didn't want to have the Commander of XCOM see him like this. He was the Chosen Warlock! Bastion of strength, pillar of fortitude and psionic prowess. Dignity incarnate.
That didn't seem to matter to his emotions so much. His chest heaved. Jax choked back a sob, and his eyes watered. No. Weakness. Why must he show such weakness? If he had not been weak, if he had not questioned Cronus, he would not be in this situation. His chest ached and he sobbed again, hiding his face against Maria.
Suddenly, he could feel the cuffs over his gauntlets open. There was a brief moment where he wondered as to why—a very brief moment. Shucking off his shackles, he wrapped his arms tightly around Maria. Perhaps Eliza had expressed pity for his condition and allowed him this. Whatever the case, this certainly felt a lot better, even if the physical expression was just bringing on more tears.
Jax took a solid while to just cry against Maria, voice muffled against her armor. The thought of the Commander being there quickly slipped from his mind and he gave himself a moment to grieve. Maria's Solace had washed over him in short order and he willingly accepted it. It hurt, so much, but being able to vent like this was helping.
Eventually, Jax found himself calming down. Though his tears still flowed, he wasn't sobbing anymore, and the pain in his chest was down to a dull ache. Jax indulged himself a bit more in his self-pity before wiping at his eyes, sighing. Before he could muster up the words to speak, Maria looked over her shoulder. "Thank you, Commander. It's... very good of you to allow this."
"Far be it from me to let him suffer," came the soft reply. "He's less 'prisoner' than 'refugee,' anyhow. The cuffs... were more of a formality."
Maria nodded at that. Jax, himself, mulled over Eliza's words. He could understand, having to keep up appearances on someone like him. If they were to simply allow him to walk the ship, even after a tragedy like his and with his allegiance unannounced... the backlash would be strong. Still didn't make the prospect of sitting alone in a cell any nicer, but that led him to another line of thought.
Though Jax didn't want to reveal his no doubt blotchy face and orange-tinged eyes to the Commander, he at least lifted his face from Maria so his words wouldn't be muffled. He took it slowly and calmly, so he wouldn't stutter or trip over himself. "Commander. Am I right to assume you will be trying to recruit me into your ranks?"
"That's correct, though I didn't want to impose the question this early, considering..." Eliza cleared her throat. "I really had just wanted to check in on you. Isn't right to leave you in solitary confinement like this. Wish we had built the cells differently, but how was I supposed to..." Eliza trailed off for a moment, then continued. "I was going to approach it later, when things weren't so hot as they are."
Jax would give the Commander that—she had some basic consideration within her. Indeed; how was she supposed to predict something like this? He took in a deep breath, deciding if he wanted to approach what he would next. "—what would this prospect entail?"
"Joining XCOM, for one," she began. "Basic respect and support for what we do is a must. It's the ability to fight alongside a force that looks after itself, members that care what happens to each other. I'd also like to claim that it has leaders that care what happens beneath them. Who are willing to spare those who don't want to fight anymore, and will look after those who want to fight for us. No man is an island unto himself—people need support. I'm happy to give it."
Rather nobly-spoken, but Jax didn't expect much less from someone who had organized a resistance for this long. It wasn't as if he had anywhere left to turn—he didn't think in the slightest that the Commander would let him go even if it was to forge out on his own. Need you be reminded as to why you're in this situation?
He blew some air out of his nose. Even if he had wanted to join up right there and then, his mind and his pride wasn't exactly allowing him to. Not without some resistance, at least, even if it was just token.
Maria was warm. Jax didn't want to stay in this cell forever. He wanted to see his Priests, and he didn't want to be alone. "—I will consider this for a few days... a timespan that might go faster if my Priests are allowed to visit me."
Eliza gave a single chuckle. "I'll keep that in mind—though, excuse me for saying you could see them all the time if you wanted if you joined up."
Very tempting. But, Jax had already stated what he wanted to do. Going back, even with a proposition like that, would further humiliate him. "My statement stands."
A pause, presumably Eliza nodding. "For standard's sakes, I'll have to have someone chaperone the visits. They don't have to necessarily be inside the room—but someone has to supervise. And the cuffs..." She sighed. "I'm going to have a talk with Bradford about taking them off entirely. Can I trust you with that?"
"Of course," he murmured. "I would not harm you, Commander, or anyone under you. Suffice to say, I could not smuggle you off of this vessel, either. Then there is the fact that, by how you have spoken, you have taken in my Priests. I would not jeopardize their own safety for a petty grudge or anything of the sort."
"Good to hear. And, you'd be right. Helps that we've got space in extra rooms and the ones who didn't want to fight were alright with picking up odd jobs. Have to admit, seeing a whole body of Priests—and other ADVENT soldiers, I noticed—approach Menace made me fear for them for a moment."
Everyone. His Priests' numbers had dwindled over twenty years, and he hadn't had the heart to replace them. He could certainly see who was left—including his new squad—fitting onto the Avenger. They were all here. He... really didn't have any reason to go back, now. The Elders, assuredly, no longer wanted him. His personnel were here. So were his siblings...
With a deep breath, he responded. "I am... very glad to hear you were able to take in my congregation. I will admit—I would not have, before, expected XCOM to take in my numbers willingly. But you have proven yourself a surprising force, Commander. If they need it... they have my expressed permission to work with XCOM."
"Got it. Some of them did have hang ups about that. I'll spread the word. Outside of that... that was about all I had. If the two of you want to catch up, be my guest. Though..." She sighed. "I hate to continue imposing, but someone's gotta authorize the door open request, and it's currently print-locked. Plus, until I clear it with Bradford, we've got to keep the cuffs on you, Jax."
"Understood. I would hardly expect XCOM to allow myself to prance about, unbound." Jax gave a "hmph." "Even if it would be in the bounds of my own cell."
"You and me both, big guy," Eliza responded, apparently concurring with his minor musing.
With that, he tilted his head to look up at Maria. The area around her own eyes seemed a bit puffy, as if she had been caught up in her own mourning. Unable to maintain eye contact out of self-awkwardness, Jax's head thumped against her chest. "You must think me weak," he uttered, voice low enough that he was sure only Maria could hear him.
"Nonsense," she shot back at the same volume, "for you to have withstood what you did makes me think you are stronger than I ever will be. A lesser being would have succumbed under the weight of what you have been through. Jax..." Maria paused a moment, letting his name hang. It was only in rare moments did she ever speak just his first name. "The Elders wronged you. That is the simple truth of the matter. No caring being would have done all of what they did to you."
Maria's continued speaking out against the Elders was strange to hear. Then again... after his initial punishment, she had seemed more... distant, with Them. Less willing to speak praises of Them, and not much need be said of her behavior after he was punished a second time. Even in his inner circle... were the Elders...?
He couldn't approach the thought. Not yet. Too much had happened at once, today, and he just wished to rest. But, he wanted Maria here a little longer, too, and thought of questions to ask. "—what of your sisters and brothers? Are they faring well?"
Maria nodded, a hand running over his hair. "Yes. Their concern for you is mounting, but I will tell them that you will be fine. What Cronus did has put them in an uproar, and Jeanne has expressed the wish to fight alongside XCOM to deliver justice on your behalf."
"She has my permission to do so." He was silent, for a moment. "... she will probably be one of the next I ask for. Iris, Hestia, Demeter, Odette, Bastet..." His voice dropped further, almost entirely a baritone hum. "I do not know what I would do without them, Maria. Without you. This world would be far bleaker without you and yours in it. I... want all of you to thrive. And it is clear to me, this much at least, that it would not happen within ADVENT."
"Of course. We care so much about you, my Chosen." Maria squeezed him. "You are our Holy Father. Our guiding light. Our tender shepherd. To see you suffer hurts us all. Our place is not with ADVENT—it is with you. We will follow where you go, call home what you call home. I speak for all of my sisters and myself when I say we love you."
Love. The kind of love that did not sting, did not leave him asking why, did not make him fearful of it being taken away. The kind of love that soothed him, comforted him, and offered him a listening ear whenever he needed it. The pain from earlier faded, replaced by a warm glow in his chest. He renewed his hug on Maria. "... and I love you as well, Maria. Your sisters and brothers as well. It is the least you deserve out of me."
He could feel Maria's Solace reverberate with her joy. "It overjoys me to hear you say that, Jax. I am here for you. We are here for you. I know you have already stated that you will wait, but..." She smiled very warmly. "It will be good to see you out of this cell."
It would be good, indeed. Jax didn't feel as if he would wait very long. His Priests... come to think of it, they were not so much "Priests" anymore. Their allegiance to XCOM wiped them of their dealings with ADVENT. Maria was not his Archbishop anymore. They all needed new monikers, something emblematic of their new home and life.
After a moment of thinking, he lifted his head from Maria's chest. "Maria. I have a duty for you. As my path seems to eventually align with XCOM's and away from ADVENT... it is time all of you adopt new titles. I do not imagine XCOM will favor calling you and yours by your old designations, anyhow." Gently, as if scared he would hurt her, Jax brought up a hand and placed it on her shoulder. "You, Maria... are now the Matriarch. The head of your brothers and sisters, and rightful leader with me. Jeanne is your Centurion. Your sisters—Mystics. Briareos—" the Shieldbearer, "—your Guardsman. The Purifiers, the Phoenixes, and the Troopers, the Seekers. Thus into this new life, let all of you stride."
She nodded. "I will commit this to heart, my Chosen. I will let them know shortly. And..." She hugged Jax close again. "Thank you. For you to consider me as leading with you... it will be a while before I fully acclimate to being your equal, but the gesture is beyond words."
Jax leaned against her once more, the soft pride in his chest continuing to soothe him. He was so, very proud of his own. They had made it this far, followed him into XCOM... and cared for him, so much. He could only hope he would return the favor.
They lapsed into a comfortable silence... comfortable, right up until Jax remembered Eliza was in the room. Hopefully, at their volume, the Commander should have heard nothing of their conversation. It wasn't as if he did not trust her, but... she was a relative outsider to his affairs. It was between him and his inner circle.
Maria was the first to break it, remaining at their private conversation volume. "Would you have anything else of me, Holy Father?"
Jax sighed, and shook his head. "As much as I would wish you to stay further... you have news to impart. I would not have my disciples worry much longer. Thank you, my Matriarch."
Maria gave him one last squeeze, then parted from him, standing up and turning to Eliza. "I am ready to leave, Commander. We have exchanged our words."
The Commander straightened, nodding to her. "Alright. I'll let you out, here." With that, she went over to the panel on the wall and tapped a button. The door slid open, and with one last smile towards Jax, Maria departed. That left him with Eliza, who turned towards him as the door closed. "Anything else you want to speak to me about, Jax?"
Looking over at his discarded cuffs, Jax mulled it over. As much as he didn't want to be alone, the Commander was... the Commander. Nebulous. All of his interactions with her had been the twenty years of consultation and the occasional banter on the field. He had felt envious of her. Perhaps he still did. Knowing that, not matter how hard she struggled against Them, the Elders would always try to secure her alive? He somewhat longed to be as coveted as she was—even if his place, now, seemed to be away from Them.
But, the more he thought of it? He would not fancy being in her position. Yes, it was one of utmost importance—but to be immobile for twenty years? To, upon the twentieth, be prepared for Ascension? Jax vaguely remembered his Ascension. Taken young. The psionic horrors. The strain migraines. He would not wish that upon the Commander, even if Argus's methods seemed to be different.
Something struck him as a means of conversation, brought on by earlier thoughts. "—you proclaim yourself a caring leader, Commander. If my brother's sudden change in behavior is anything meaningful, there seems to be weight to that statement. But can you claim to level with those who need it yourself?"
"Absolutely," she responded with certainty. "It was only through personal talks that I got both of your siblings to my side—and continue to have them there." Her face softened, and she gestured towards Jax. "All of you deserve someone who cares about you deeply. Personally... I'm glad you have Maria. It looks like she means a lot to you."
"More than 'a lot,' Commander. Were she to leap into the fires of the Pit with confidence, I would feel emboldened to follow her. She has been with me almost ever since my Ascendance."
Eliza smiled. "Mark me as very glad, then. I'll still offer you what I did your siblings—someone to bring up your problems with, ask for advice, and all else fails? A shoulder to cry on. I want to be there and help out, Jax. It's why I came in today—I would've waited to ask about you joining us if you hadn't brought it up."
Jax nodded slowly, leaning against the wall. Though he initially thought the offer redundant... the more Jax thought on it, the more merit he gave it. He would be fighting under Eliza if he were to join XCOM, no? The chance to have a caring leader, one he could bring up his personal grievances with and not fear for rebuke, one he could seek out for his grief with the Elders and find a like mind? The temptation to join XCOM immediately was a strong as ever. But, Jax steeled his resolve. "—that was my only inquiry, Commander. Allow me enough time to think on your offer."
"Five days?"
"Five days. I trust the clock on the pad is accurate?"
"Sure is. Though—the Avenger runs on its own time. Still 24 hours to a day, but due to how we tend to pinball all over the place? We run on our own cycle. Regardless, time passes the same."
He waved it off. "So long as 'five days' will continue to be 'five days,' it is merely semantics."
She chuckled, shaking her head. "I suppose that's a good take." Her jovial mood died down a bit, however, as she looked to the cuffs. "—sadly, I'm going to have to cuff you again, big guy. I might stop in early if Bradford clears you being unbound, but otherwise?"
He got the implication. Musing on the nickname "big guy," Jax picked up his cuffs and offered them to her. Once she took them, he respectfully presented his wrists, and Jax got a better look at Eliza. Her uniform was mildly thick—though even through it, Jax could see the hints of a well-maintained physique beneath. Her hands were even a little rough—perhaps she was not out in the field as her soldiers were, but Eliza seemed to be keeping herself in shape. Were those scars on her knuckles, as well? It all came together to give her a more human quality, offsetting her unnatural youth. He could certainly respect a leader who kept themselves in prime form, at the very least.
His inspection was interrupted by the cuffs sliding back into place, and Eliza stepping back. "Got you all kitted up now. I'll head out—there's a button on the pad if you want to call me early for any reason. You take care, and I'll ask around your group about visits, alright?"
Jax nodded. "Of course, Commander."
Eliza gave him a thumbs up and turned towards the door. It opened and shut, and Jax was left alone once again.