25.

You would think your life would change forever the moment you find out you're having a baby. Truthfully, I think the moment our lives really changed forever was that afternoon.

That afternoon we found out if we were having a boy or a girl.

Despite our endless talks lying in bed about our preference of having a baby boy or a baby girl, neither of us really cared about the sex of the baby.

Olivia and I had both found some sort of peace separately and together, with the opportunity to have a baby.

This might be the only chance to have all she had ever wanted, and all that I never knew I wanted.

A boy or girl, either, was given to us as a gift and would be meant to be.

We both wanted to know the sex of the baby.

We both of us were impatient, we both were planners, though I much more type A than her, we both wanted to know.

I could barely breath from anticipation, seeing that little being once again on the screen.

A steady heartbeat, 10 fingers and 10 toes…

A perfect being that I would do anything for, give everything to.

My feet now propped on the coffee table, we sat there lazily, my arms wrapped around her, her legs stretched across the couch. I stared along with her at the tiny image in the picture.

Of course it wasn't the first image of the baby that we had stared at, marveled at, but it was the first image of the little boy she would bring in to this world.

A little boy.

"I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now." She said, as she reached for my arm, that was wrapped around her, just to hold on.

To hold on to me.

"I definitely couldn't be happier." I agreed, kissing the top of her head.

We sat in silence for the longest time. I could tell she was deep in thought as she looked at her little boy.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

I felt her take a deeper breath in and then out before she told me her thoughts.

"I can't help but think how would Brian might feel right now if he knew I was having a boy. I mean I feel like everything changed today for us. We know were having a son. Our lives changed today…"

"Honey, he made his choice to go back undercover, he made his choice to not be here during your pregnancy."

"Do you think he'll ever regret not being here while I'm pregnant?"

"I don't know." I said honestly. "I do know that he's missing things that I know I can never replace, that I will never take for granted being a part of…"

"I can't help but feel like I'm going to bring this little boy in to the world and I've created this situation where, 'hey your dad is coming over' or 'your dad is back in town and wants to see you'… What if I have put up a wall in front of Brian and I haven't really given him an opportunity to be a part of his son's life?"

"Olivia, he chose to go back under cover, he chose to leave again. He knew he would be missing all of these things… I do think it's admirable that you're worried and I think they are things to consider when it comes to a child having a relationship with their father. But you told him you weren't shutting him out, you told him he could have the relationship he wanted with this baby. And he said he wanted to be a part of this baby's life, but you haven't heard from since."

"I just want to do what's right for this baby, for you and even for Brian."

"Hey, I know you want to give this baby everything and as close to a perfect life as you can, but I'm afraid this conventional idea or this fantasy you have is out the window…"

"I just… I never had a father Alex."

"And I have a great father Olivia. But it hasn't made me better than you. Sure you didn't grow up in the healthiest of households, yes you've had to deal with who your father was…

"It made me feel less than though."

"Liv, listen to me. If anything this baby may have three great parents. And if he does only have two, you and I will be the best parents we can be and he is going to have a great life."

Olivia smiled.

"You always know just what to say."

"Not always, but it does come easy when I'm telling you how much I love you and how much I already love this little boy."

"Our little boy." She said the smile appearing back on her face.

I ran my hand over her belly.

"We're going to have a son." I said, my heart fluttering just at the words.

"It's a bit scary you know, we're halfway through this and he'll be here. He needs so many things that I haven't even began to think really think about!"

"I've been thinking about some things."

Olivia sat up, turning to look at me.

"Oh yeah? What have you been thinking about?"

"I've just been thinking about something that I hadn't quite had the nerve to ask you about yet."

Olivia looked at me.

"Alex, you know you can talk to me about anything! What it is it?"

"I know I just…"

"Alex?"

"What would you think about us getting a new apartment together?"

"What?"

I knew it was the last thing she thought I would ask.

"You live in a one bedroom, I live in a one bedroom, and we're on opposite sides of the city… We barely spend a night apart and when we do it's because of inconvenience. And when the baby comes I want to be there for the diaper changes and 2am feedings… and I want to be there with you."

"Wow you have been thinking about this."

"Have I scared the shit out of you?"

Olivia laughed.

"No, you haven't, but are you sure? That's a lot to take on. And I've never really lived with anyone, I've always lived by myself. What if you decide I'm a nut and you hate me?"

"I love everything about you, even when you're a nut!"

"You've really been thinking about this?"

"A lot lately."

"And you sure about this?"

"I'm sure about you and our son."

Olivia smiled.

"You don't think we're rushing in to this?"

"I won't lie, I first I questioned was I getting ahead of myself. But then I reminded myself how long I have loved you."

"Can I be honest?"

"Of course."

"You've become my everything and that scares me."

"It scares me a little that you are mine." I said as if to assure her feelings.

"I love you so much."

"And I love you so much," I said grinning.

I watched as Olivia looked around her apartment.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"We're going to find a new apartment and both move before this baby comes?"

"I think that would be the plan."

Olivia took a deep breath then looked to me.

"Can we stay on the west side? I love the west side."

I smiled.

"We definitely can stay on the west side."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

Olivia shook her head and I leaned in kissing her.

Life was changing…