Thank you so much for the reviews. And again sorry for leaving you hanging on a cliff there ;)

Chapter 25

Clara took a deep breath, trying to understand what had just happened while the Doctor vanished around a corner. Her family didn't want them to be together, the Doctor had technically just broken up with her over the question of having killed a woman. He had admitted it, hadn't he? Before I kill you, too. That was a confession and it seemed like it was all Clara was going to get. He would never talk about it, that's why Clara turned around on her heels and headed straight back into the café. If the Doctor didn't think she deserved the truth, maybe Jackie did.

"Tell me what happened!" Clara said in a calm but determined voice when she came to a halt in front of the waitress.

"Why don't you ask him?" Jackie spat back at her.

"Because he's the Doctor. He's ashamed and he feels guilty. I know that something happened, I'm not stupid. He doesn't want to talk about it but I think it's on his mind constantly. I think this has to do with the paintings of a young, blonde woman because she resembles you. And the Doctor keeps them hidden but he's looking at them from time to time as if to remind himself of something. She's your daughter and she died – but how? What happened?"

The woman stared back at her for a long time but Clara could see the façade of anger slowly dropping off her face and being replaced by grief.

"Rose Tyler," Jackie said slowly, "Her name was Rose Tyler."

She nodded in the direction of the corner where there were several computers meant for public use. "She was all over the news. I'm sure you will find what you need to know."

Clara nodded thankfully and when Jackie remained silent she turned around and approached one of the computers. Opening the browser she entered the search words "Rose Tyler London" and like Jackie had promised quite a few newspaper articles from seven years ago popped up. Clara opened the first one she found.

The body of a young woman who has been identified by the police and her family as Rose Tyler (21) was pulled from the Thames late on Tuesday evening by her partner, a local artist, who is still being treated in the hospital. Eye witness accounts stated that the woman had jumped off the bridge on her own account and there are no indicators that a crime has been committed.

Clara clicked through several other articles, all telling the same story. Rose had jumped off the bridge and although the Doctor had tried to save her it had been too late. Clara thought she now finally understood. Obviously Rose had been a muse and his girlfriend as well and he was still feeling guilty about what had happened to her. When the memories of Paris came back to her Clara suddenly started to feel sick. She couldn't even imagine what must have been going through his mind that evening, all the memories it must have brought back. She needed to talk to him.

After closing all tabs Clara rose from the chair and approached Jackie Tyler one more time.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Clara said sincerely, "I didn't know about Rose. I'm sorry. I'll leave you in peace now."

Jackie nodded calmly. "The Doctor may not have pushed her off that bridge but I can't help but think that she would still be with me today had she never met that man. Please, take care of yourself. You're a young woman, I'm sure that there are people who care about you. I wouldn't want them to have to go through the same thing."

"I will," Clara whispered before she turned to leave.

OOO

Clara entered the studio quietly and for once she didn't find the Doctor painting. Instead he was staring at a blank canvas and it seemed as if that was all he had been doing since he had returned home.

"Doctor?" she asked quietly.

He looked up at her and quickly away, closing his eyes as if he was in pain.

"Doctor, I talked to Jackie," Clara explained before he even had the chance to send her away again, "I know about Rose. I know you didn't want me to know about her. You said I would never look at you the same way if I did but I know now and. . . I think I understand."

"No," he said calmly.

Clara instantly jerked back when the Doctor jumped up from his seat and kicked the easel in front of him, sending the canvas to fly straight across the room.

"No, you don't understand! You don't even have an idea!" the Doctor shouted at her.

She swallowed hard, frightened at his sudden outburst. "Enlighten me then," Clara told him, her voice wavering, "Please, Doctor. Just tell me. What have you go to lose now?"

The Doctor stumbled backwards and eventually sank down to the floor, leaning his back against the sofa, looking so small and so lost that Clara couldn't help herself. She approached him carefully and knelt down next to him, cupping his face in both her hands so he had to look her in the eyes.

"Doctor, these demons, these nightmares, they'll never go away unless you actually let them out. I love you and I want to help you. Whatever happened seven years ago, it's standing between us," she whispered quietly, "Don't you see that?"

He didn't reply for a long time but his gaze remained fixed on her eyes.

"It was all my fault," he admitted, "Rose was in trouble and I didn't see it. I don't want to make the same mistake again, Clara. I'm better off alone. That way I can't hurt anyone."

Clara sighed and let go of his face to take his hand in her own. "You mean you can only hurt yourself."

"Same thing."

"No," Clara replied determinedly.

She sat down next to him and wrapped her hands around his arm, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"You are absolutely not better off alone. You need someone, you've always needed someone and I'm not leaving. So tell me what happened."

"This is hard for me, Clara. I've never told anyone, except the police back then. Not even Missy. She just knows what happened because she's been there. She was the one who found me, the one who called the ambulance."

"You'll be fine," Clara promised, "It's only me. You can tell me everything. I won't judge you, I'll just listen. And it will not change how I feel about you. I'm sure you'll feel better once it's all off your chest."

"I don't want you to understand. If you understand you'll decide to stay and I want you safe. And safe is not with me. I told you, everyone I'm with just ends up broken."

"Amy doesn't seem broken to me," Clara remarked, "Please. Tell me."

The Doctor sighed. And finally agreed.