A/N: HOLY CRAP HOW DID THIS CHAPTER GET SO LONG AAAAAAAAAAH.
*coughs, regains sanity*
For the last two chapters, I've used tarot cards to reference some of the things that happen within them. Consequently, some things took a turn I wasn't expecting. If you want a preview of the mood of this chapter, learntarot dot com has a wonderful database.
I hope you like it. Thank you as always.
edit 4/16/09: check for updates on my writing at .com/. I'm sorry it's been taking so long, but I promise, this story hasn't been abandoned. I'm just a slowpoke. SLOW.
Chapter 25 - The Moon
The beams of the amber and pink sunrise flowed across the already crowded streets of Pallas like water. It rose on arguments, on spirited business transactions, on people hurrying home after a night of debauchery, on people going to work. On airships lifting off toward all directions of the compass. On aristocrats shaking hands with elected officials. On loosened stones, which lay scattered about one tower of the palace. On bloodstains, still fresh outside the window of the King of Fanelia.
"Well, well," said the Moleman, picking through the rubble. "Seem's the little lady's made something of herself. Oh, what a wonderful clasp."
The breeze picked up a cloud of dust that carried up, up, and up to the high balcony, on which Hitomi stood, holding herself and staring at the lightening horizon. She leaned into the morning wind and took a deep breath. It smelled like brine, cooking meat, heavily scented flowers, and hot stone. The particular smell she was expecting never came. She knew it was there, though, somewhere. After all, it was all over her hands.
Blood. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see it glistening in the moons' light.
Breathe, she told herself. Van said I shouldn't think about it. He knows what he's talking about. I can't let this get to me. I can't.
But every time she blinked...
Uneasily, she glanced at his still-sleeping form. How did he deal with this? What did he do to make it easier? Was he lying to make her feel better? Did it ever get easy? Did she want it to?
Hundreds of questions piled one on top of the other, and suddenly she could no longer hold in the contents of her stomach. She clapped her hand over her mouth and swallowed, trying to keep it down, but within seconds she was leaning over the balcony railing and vomiting on the stones below.
"Damn it," she whispered, coughing, hoping that Van wouldn't hear. Just to be sure, she snuck another glance at the bed. He was still there, breathing slowly, asleep.
Even though he'd answered her wishes, a part of her was disappointed.
I've got to get out of here, she thought, her mind spinning in tight circles. Before anyone wakes up. Out, I've got to get out. I need to run. Where are my track clothes?
Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, she got to her feet and slipped out of the room as quietly as she could. The handle of the door clicked softly in its latch.
A few seconds after she left, Van sat up and watched as sunlight broke over the closed door.
The strap on Eries' hat would not buckle, and she was going to be late. She was never late. This was unacceptable.
"Oh, why won't this thing cooperate?" she groaned, turning this way and that in the mirror, trying to see where her usually deft fingers were going wrong.
Allen stifled a chuckle, but too late to avoid a well-earned glare. He'd have felt bad if the situation hadn't been so ridiculous. Instead, he coughed and politely looked away.
"Fine!" she growled, marching over to him and roughly handing him her hat. "You do it. We can't afford to be late."
"Of course, princess," Allen said, smoothly buckling it into place.
His fingers lingered slightly longer than they should have. It was an innocent gesture. It wouldn't do for her hat to fall off in the middle of delivering a farewell speech to the Prime Minister of Daedalus, whom they were scheduled to meet with in less than ten miets. But for a moment, he could swear he saw the faint traces of a blush.
"Th- Thank you," she said, turning away and tucking her hair behind her ears.
Amused by her stammering, Allen bent to her height and murmured, "Princess?" his mouth close to her ear.
She snapped straight up and began marching toward the door. "Yes! We need to hurry! Come, Allen!"
Allen laughed quietly and followed. He had no idea what had gotten her so out of sorts that morning, but a ruffled, stammering Eries was a welcome callback to the days they'd spent together as teenagers. She'd slid so smoothly into her role as the unaccessible ice princess of Asturia that he'd almost forgotten how adorable she could be when there was something on her mind, and she wasn't under the scrutiny of the national council.
The pair marched past many tight-knit groups of dignitaries and courtiers on their way to the royal hangars. The summit was over, and all the delegates were departing as quickly as they could, all efforts at finery abandoned in the face of their eagerness to get home and resume their own comfortable niches of power. Allen had thought they'd looked splendid when they'd arrived in full regalia for the first day of the summit; now that they were leaving, he thought they looked even better. He'd finally be able to retire to his home for a time while the King and his Counselors decided on his next post. Sadly, he was certain that he couldn't count on a post close to home, despite his sister's condition. The war had done nothing to reduce the fame that had initially booted him to the frontier. He was wondering whether he could ever get Celena used to life at Castelo Fort when something small, pink, and very fast collided with his middle.
"Ow!" she snarled. "Allen! Watch where you're going!"
Merle tried to duck under his arms and take off running again, but he caught her around the shoulders. She tried to scratch him.
"Merle! Merle. What's wrong?"
"Nothing!" she spat, blushing, "I have to go somewhere. Let me go!"
Even though she was out of breath and only did it half-heartedly, she tried to swipe at him again. Allen glanced at Eries, who was looking as puzzled as he was.
"Do you... are you in need of assistance of any kind?"
"No!" she yelled, attracting the attention of a few passing maids. "Please, just let me go!"
"Well, if we're keeping you," Eries said, nodding at Allen.
He complied, and Merle dashed off before they could ask another question.
"What was that all about?" Allen murmured.
Eries shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Come, we're going to be late as it is."
"Certainly, Princess."
Disregarding his 'princess' with a frosty glance, Eries led him without further incident to the small door through which they would find hangar #14 and the Daedalan delegation. He bent to open the door for Eries, bowed her into the room, and took in the scene before him.
He was greeted by sound of whirring propellers and the loud shouts of the crew as they loaded the last of their passengers' luggage on board. If the airship had already started warming up, he thought, they really were cutting it close. Millerna and Dryden were already there, conversing with a small knot of people gathered in front of the gangplank. Most of them were tall, dark-skinned, and wearing green and yellow clothing, which Allen thought was strangely out-of-place.
"Allen!" a small voice called out. "You came!"
Chid ran up to Allen and grabbed hand excitedly, and it was as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over his heart.
"Y- yes. I said I would, didn't I?"
Chid pulled on Allen's hand until the older man was forced to bend down to hear the Duke whisper, "I knew you'd come. Iaka and the others said you'd be too busy, but I knew you'd make it. Mother said Knights always keep their word."
"Of course."
"Oh! Come on, you should meet everyone."
He didn't resist when the child dragged him towards the airship, to his waiting retinue, all of whom looked to be shrewd, protective men. If they saw the resemblance... Chid was wrong. He'd hoped to avoid this.
You sickening, faithless man, thought Allen.
"Good morning Chid, gentlemen," said Eries, wearing her best cool smile. "I trust my sister and the Regent have been treating you well."
Dryden's glasses glinted. "At least we were punctual."
"We ran into some trouble in the corridor," was Eries' diplomatic answer. "I trust your stay with us was pleasant, Marquis Iaka? Sir Earls?"
In the tumultuous discussion that launched following Eries' calculated inquiry, Millerna discreetly laid her hand on Allen's arm, the other of which was still in the possession of a smiling Chid.
"Are you okay, Allen? You look ill."
"Never better," Allen muttered. "I was up late, that's all."
Immediately, Chid picked up on the reference. "Is it true you fought off the Zaibach guymelef last night?"
"The credit lies with King Van for that. I merely assisted him."
Chid smiled up at him. "I know you're just being modest."
"I try never to exaggerate my abilities or my failures, Duke Chid. In the end, I wasn't able to capture the pilot. He disappeared into the forest before I could remove him from his guymelef. I don't know what became of him."
Millerna's eyes widened. "Didn't you hear?"
"Hear what? Was he captured?"
He could see Millerna hesitating.
"Millerna, what happened?" he whispered, alarmed.
"He was taken care of," she said, not looking at him.
His eyebrows contracted. "Millerna!"
"Allen, have you met Iaka yet? I know you saw him at the ball, but you didn't really have a chance to talk," Chid said, tugging on Allen's hand.
"Ah, no. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," Allen said with a formal bow.
"A privilege, Sir Allen. Our Duke seems quite fond of you."
Iaka was a powerfully built man, though short. Allen thought that he had the kind of eyes that could size you up in once glance, like Eries' or, on occasion, Dryden's. If he weren't so distracted with concern over the fate of the previous night's attacker, he would not have said what he said next.
"I used to be his mother's personal guard."
There was a pause. The two men stared at each other, one shocked at what he had just done, one suddenly distant and unreadable. Millerna put her hand over her mouth. Around them, the conversation continued as it had, for Eries was still involved in smoothing over the complaints of the Freidian Earls and Dryden was attempting to convince the Earl of Uttar to agree to a business contract, but what had slipped out of Allen's mouth could not be unsaid. Iaka, it was apparent, was no fool.
"Really?" said Chid, oblivious to what had just passed. "She used to tell me stories about him, but she never told me that!"
"Is that so?"
"Allen was a friend to all of us," Millerna quickly cut in. "He used to take me to the market on festival days when I was nine, right, Allen?"
"My Caeli duties were not often so rewarding."
Iaka raised one eyebrow. "I'm certain they were quite pleasurable at times."
"Indeed," he weakly managed, the blood draining from his entire body.
"Say, Allen, when are you coming to visit? We're going to have Kritem's feast day in a few months. I'd like to show your sister the parades."
"Sir Allen's duties likely won't allow him so soon a visit, Your Highness. Perhaps in a year or two, after the reconstruction."
"You're probably right," Chid said, his face falling.
"It's a shame you're leaving so soon, Chid," Millerna said. "I'm sure your Aunt Eries would have like to spend more time with you. Why don't you go say goodbye?"
"Oh, I didn't mean to neglect her. Allen, I'll be right back."
Chid trotted off, and Iaka cleared his throat. "We should all be going. We have much work to do rebuilding the capital when we get home. It may be years before any of us have the time for visits. It may be best if you avoid coming at all. The vipers' nest of a palace is no place for reunions. Especially so soon after war."
Allen's heart-rate slowed. "Yes. Of course."
"Perhaps you could visit with the Duke when you're both away from court. I hear Fanelia has spectacular sights to see during the winter, when the dragons nest. My family keeps a home there for the rainy season."
"You're very kind to offer Allen your villa, Marquis. Oh! That reminds me. My sister wanted to discuss something with you. Eries!" Millerna called. "Could you come here for a moment!"
"I should give the Duke my farewells," Allen said, his voice shaking almost imperceptibly.
"An excellent idea," said Iaka with a bow. "It was a pleasure to have met you, Sir Allen. Go with peace."
"Go with peace," Allen repeated.
Eries arrived, looking puzzled but polite, and Allen walked away.
The palms of his hands were starting to sweat through his gloves now. He clenched and unclenched them as he strode towards Chid and Dryden. Would they notice? Dryden certainly would. The Earls didn't seem as astute as the Marquis, so it was unlikely they'd make the connection without pointed help, but how long would Iaka keep his silence?
"Allen!" said Chid. "We have to go, the pilot just said that the engines are ready. I'm sorry I can't stay longer; I wanted to see your sister again."
"I'll give Celena your regards."
"You'll come visit as soon as you can, right, Allen?"
"As soon as I can," Allen promised, his breathing constricting.
"Your Highness," said the Earl of Abjibrid, "The captain is beckoning."
"Sorry. I'll see you soon, Allen. Regent Dryden, say goodbye to Aunt Millerna for me."
"Sure. I might drop in for the festival you were telling me about if this guy can't make it," Dryden said, clapping Allen on the back. "I love a good party."
"I'm looking forward to it. Well, then."
Allen was silent. Chid shifted awkwardly. His hat was at an angle. It took most of what Allen had to resist bending over to straighten it. He couldn't afford to act like more than an acquaintance in front of so many unfamiliar eyes. Not after what had just happened.
"Goodbye," the little boy said.
"Farewell, Your Highness" said Allen. Chid seemed disappointed.
In a few moments, the Freidian party was aboard the airship, with the Marquis bringing up the rear. It took off in a flurry of propellers that kicked up so much air Eries had to hold her hat in place. There was too much noise to speak. Allen was thankful. For one thing, no one could hear the way he way he moaned as he put his hand to his face.
As silence descended upon them again, Eries put her hand on Allen's shoulder.
"Allen, I-"
He whipped around, enraged. "How could you do this to me?"
She actually stepped back. "I was only-"
"You were only manipulating me, as if I were one of those idiot politicians you order about."
"You wouldn't have come if I hadn't done it like this!" she countered, her cheeks pink, her brows furrowed.
He was shouting now, furious at her perception. "You don't know that! You didn't even give me the right to decide!"
"Hey, Allen, speak up," Dryden said, casually leaning against the wall. "They don't hear you down the hall yet."
"I-" Allen shouted, then stopped, breathing hard. "I'm sorry. It wouldn't do for anyone to- I need to control myself."
"You certainly do," Millerna snapped. "You're acting like a child."
"You're right, of course. I apologize for my insolence, Your Highness," he said, bowing to them.
"Stop it, Allen," said Eries.
"If the Princess would prefer I pay my respects in some other fashion, perhaps she could describe it to her humble servant. I exist only to satisfy her whims. Now that I've revealed my son's parentage to the person most likely to take over his position should he be removed, shall I reveal my sister's origins to the Minister of War next to appease her Majesty's sense of justice, and have her tried for crimes against humanity?"
Deliberately, and radiating a deadly calm, Eries walked up to Allen, raised her hand, and slapped him across the face.
"You're a fool, Allen Schezar," she said.
And she stormed out of the room, her green cloak bellowing behind her like a storm. With a final, angry but concerned look at Allen, Millerna chased after her sister. Allen and Dryden were alone.
"Rhum," Van called, stopping the wolf-man in his tracks. "Have you seen Hitomi anywhere today?"
Lazily, Rhum scratched his chin and said, "No, can't say that I have. Did you try asking Merle?"
Van shook his head. "I can't find her anywhere. Someone else was looking for her, too, actually. That Zaibach captain, Amparo."
Rhum laughed. "Poor girl shouldn't have mouthed off to him last night. Bet he remembers her well enough now."
"Sure," Van distractedly replied. "Be seeing you."
The high noon sun beat down on him, making him sweat. Hitomi still hadn't returned. When he'd let her go that morning, he didn't think that she'd go completely missing in a few short hours. None of the people in the palace had seen her since she'd been spotted running down the front steps in her track clothes that morning, so he'd moved his search to the streets. He was having no luck. It didn't help that his vision was still slightly blurry, so he had trouble distinguishing exactly who he was talking to at times, once confusing a very short young woman with the elderly tailor who'd made Celena's dresses.
He paused to wipe sweat from his forehead and glanced around him, trying to identify anyone who could possibly know who Hitomi was, or where she'd gone, but the crowd was a blur. All the multicolored tarps over the stalls mingled to form a long, single rainbow that wrapped around either side of the narrow street and ended in the shining canals. He couldn't even see any faces. A seagull cried above him and wheeled around, searching for scraps, and he wished he could take off his shirt and fly.
"Hey, Van."
It was Rhum again.
"Hey. What is it?"
"I was thinking," Rhum said, "It's a hot day today. It'd be nice if you could get out of the sun for a spell."
"Yeah," Van said, absently.
"My tribe, we like to get back to the trees and out of the city around this time. Return to places we know. You might try taking Escaflowne for a spin, cool yourself off, get out to that barn you used to keep it in. It'll be better for us if it's out there instead of in the royal hangars when it's time to go back to Fanelia."
Van put his handkerchief back in his pocket and fixed his friend with a penetrating gaze. "Sure, Rhum. As soon as I find Hitomi."
"I'd take care of it while the sun's still high. Never know what you'll find at this time of day," he said. "Well, I'll be seeing you."
"Sure, Rhum."
He watched the wolf-man as he walked away, until he disappeared into the blurry crowd. Rhum's advice was often sound. His thoughts strayed back to the moment he'd seen the seagull and wished that he could fly without being stoned to death for revealing his cursed wings.
But with Escaflowne...
Hitomi sighed and laid her hand against the cool, rough doorframe. The barn was as empty as she'd expected it to be. A few musty piles of hay and cast-off tarps remained scattered about the cavernous space, and a pile of old and rusty tools still leaned against a disused corner, just as she remembered. Except for the presence of a hulking guymelef, it was all the same.
And it was hot. She'd run for so long and so hard that she'd lost track of time. At least she wasn't hungry, though she knew she would be, later.
The ladder was still in its usual spot. Smiling a little, she made her way over to it and shook it a little to test for sturdiness. The wood buckled, but didn't show any signs of breaking. She placed her hand on the smooth, warm wood and began her ascent. When her head crested the top, she spotted something lying near the ladder, like a pile of rags. Curious, she bent towards it and cautiously lifted a fold.
It was a sack. Not just any sack, she found as around five orange-brown gourds rolled into her sight. The very same sack Van carried with him that day. The day that he'd tried to make her feel better. The day he'd botched his own confession so badly that she'd slapped him and run away. The day she'd kissed Allen.
What had Van said about piscus? That it would settle the stomach? She certainly had a stomach-ache from all that running. And piscus was a gourd, wasn't it? Maybe it was still good. She grabbed one of the more promising-looking ones from the sack and cracked it open, just as Van had taught her. A sharp, sour odor wafted out of the fruit. So it was still good. She grabbed a piece of straw from a nearby pile, dipped it into the juice, and took a long, slow sip.
Oh, it was sour! She drew back, coughing a little, but forced herself to swallow it. The burning sensation eased as it traveled down her esophagus and into her stomach, where it began to ease the nausea she'd felt since she'd gotten up that morning and saw the place where Paruchi had fallen.
He'd never taste anything again. He'd never sigh, he'd never sleep, he'd never hold something, he'd never laugh. Did he laugh? Hitomi couldn't remember. All she could see was a ripped black cloak with purple lining, broken glasses shining in the moon's light as he staggered away from her, staring at the blood on his hands.
She'd done it. Unbidden, a fat tear slid down her cheek.
Stop it, Hitomi. He's not worth crying over.
More tears. They kept coming, hot and salty. She wiped them away and left a trail of dirt on her cheeks.
He'd never hurt anyone again. There wouldn't be anyone locked in a cell, slowly starving in the name of the science he'd claimed to love.
Love. Someone may have loved him. Maybe he loved someone, though she wasn't sure he was capable of such a thing. His parents, perhaps. Were they still alive? Did they miss their son?
She let out a moan that echoed across the empty barn, and began to sob.
Millerna stared at the miniature in her hands. She'd found it behind a small stack of books on Eries' desk, face down, knocked over as if on accident. The fingerprints on the back, however, told a different story.
The contents told another entirely.
She wasn't sure how the painter had managed to capture this particular scene. He'd obviously taken it from reality; there was no way anyone could imagine her sister smiling like that. Eries looked to be roughly fourteen or fifteen. She sat with her hand in her sister's. Marlene's. Millerna paused to trace her eldest sister's face with one fingertip. Even though she was smiling, Marlene looked so sorrowful. Millerna didn't remember that about her sister; the Marlene in her memory was always gently smiling, or dressing for a ball, or dancing with courtiers, laughing quietly behind a fan as she waltzed.
Directly behind Eries stood Allen, short-haired and young. He was the very picture of chivalry; the stoic guard, ever at his ladies' side should she need him. But the painter had captured something deeper than that. It was clear to Millerna why Eries' treasured this miniature so much. Allen's hand was on her shoulder.
"He did that to throw everyone off."
Millerna guiltily spun around. "I'm sorry, you were gone so long I was getting a little restless. I didn't mean to snoop."
"It's okay."
Gently, Eries took the tiny painting from her sister's hand and placed it back on her desk, face down.
"What was wrong with Marlene? She looks so sad."
Eries' hand lingered for a moment on the frame. "No one knew. She went to the best doctors the kingdom had, spoke with priests, traveled. Our Uncle used to take her on shopping trips, or to tournaments. Anything to get her out, he used to say. She used to spend weeks in her room with the curtains drawn. Sometimes she seemed to snap out of it, and she'd be so full of energy that I couldn't hope to keep up with her. It was nice when she was like that."
Eries handed Millerna a cup of tea, took one herself, and walked to the sofa against the wall. They had a good view of the courtyard from there, and the angle of the wall offered them privacy from the still large crowds below.
"Yes. I suppose that's why I didn't mind when she took Allen from me."
"Took him?"
"He was my best friend," said Eries with a quick smile. "He used to argue with me. No one used to argue with me. He was really funny, too. Once, he replaced that nasty tonic the Finance Minister used to guzzle for his health with this whiskey from Daedalus. The man eventually stood up during a council meeting and proclaimed that he'd finally seen the light, and we'd be replacing the gidaru with dragon scales as soon as we could sustain a large-scale farming operation. I had to keep a straight face the whole time, too. It was awful."
"Allen? Funny?" Millerna giggled. "That's hard to imagine."
"It is, isn't it?" Eries said, joining her in laughter. "But he was. I loved that about him. He was always trying to make people smile. To save them, I suppose."
She began to finger the red brooch she habitually wore at her throat. With the high noon sun in her hair, casting soft silver shadows on her delicate fingers, Millerna couldn't figure out why everyone said that Eries was the plain one.
"I think that's how it started with Marlene," she continued. "He knew she was sad and he wanted to help her. I didn't care that she was in love with him, because I had my sister back."
Millerna looked away, and Eries went quiet for a while. All this information was overwhelming. She found herself wishing that she could have been born earlier, so she could be closer in age to her sisters instead of trailing six years behind everything Eries was sharing with her. As it was, she felt excluded, and hated herself for feeling that way.
Finally, Eries spoke again. "I knew he was in love with her before he did, because I know him better than anyone. When he finally came to me, it was long after they'd already 'surrendered themselves,' as he put it. Marlene had just been engaged to the Duke of Freid. I was awful to him. He just stood there and took it, too, like he deserved it. I didn't speak to him for a month."
"Things weren't the same after that, were they?"
Eries shook her head. "No. We had each other when Chid was born, and when Marlene died, but he always kept his distance. I think he was convinced for a while that Marlene would come back to him, and that they could all be together somehow, but when she never wrote him like she promised, he started to take random women home. That hurt us the most, really. I wanted to be there for him, but he wouldn't let me, saying that it wasn't 'honorable' of him. But it was just him running away."
"That man," Millerna muttered.
"Yes. That man. Even though he's stubborn and over-protective and excessively self-pitying, he's easy to love."
"You still love him," Millerna stated. It wasn't a question; it was a fact.
"I do," she agreed, letting her teacup rest in its saucer.
Millerna frowned. "Eries... why didn't you tell me?"
Eries thought for a moment. "I don't know," she eventually said. "It was always my secret. You're the first person I've ever told."
"That's not an excuse! If you'd have told me instead of saying that I was too young or I didn't know what I was doing, I probably would have listened. I couldn't take the person you love," she said, gripping Eries' knee with both hands.
"You weren't taking anyone. I've never had any intention of telling Allen about this."
Millerna was genuinely confused; she'd never known her sister to give up so easily.
"But you can't!" she blurted.
"I can. And I have. If we're together, what might happen to Asturia and to Freid if the truth should come out about Marlene and Chid? If the Duchess' bastard is from some no-account Knight, no one has any reason to use that information against him. What is there to gain? A bloody revolution and the loss of a perfectly competent ruler during a time of national crisis? No; only maniacs are that stupid, and Chid has a good enough circle of protection around him that he needn't worry about that for a long while. If he's a Prince Consort of Asturia's bastard, however..." she took a sip of tea.
It was frightening, how easy it was to imagine the consequences. Blackmail. Assassination. Kidnapping. Chid or Allen dead, maybe Celena dead, too, for simply being related to Chid.
"We all have our duties, Millerna," Eries said, her voice steady and matter-of-fact. "If mine is to live without his love, I can bear that. I can be happy without him."
"Eries," Millerna said, her eyes stinging.
Unable to think of anything else to say, she took her sister's hand. There they sat, not speaking, watching the crowd wax and wane below, and Millerna wondered how she was supposed to sit by and watch Eries throw her love away without any semblance of a fight.
"I told you to stay away from me!" Merle screamed over her shoulder to the extremely determined young man who'd been following her all day.
She was tired. She'd been trying to give him the slip all morning, but for some reason or another, he was always there, no matter where she tried to hide. He'd even shown up in the kitchen laundry, chatting to the matron about methods for getting stains out of uniforms without damaging the cloth. Now that he'd chased her up the West tower, she had nowhere else to go unless she wanted to risk scaling the walls. That didn't mean she was ready to give up, though; she could run in circles all day if she had to.
Unfortunately, it looked like he could, too.
"I wasn't made captain because of my reputation for giving up!" he shouted back. "I just want to talk to you!"
"I don't want to talk!"
"You and I both know that if you didn't want to talk, I wouldn't be able to find you!"
She turned on her heels so suddenly that Amparo nearly fell from the momentum of his sudden stop.
"So what!?" she growled.
He faltered, his lips forming words without sound to back them up.
Good, she thought, Let's see him squirm out of this one.
"I only meant..."
"You only meant what? That I was playing hard to get? What kind of girl do you think I am?"
He held his hands in front of him as if warding something off. "No! I didn't mean to imply..."
"Maybe you should stop and think before you say something!"
"What about you?" he countered, red in the face. "What about what you said last night? Didn't you care that the most important people in the world were watching you?"
Merle snorted. "Who cares about them? You are in Fanelia's debt after what Van-Sama did for you. I'm proud of what I said. Will you go away now?"
"No!"
His hand shot out and gripped her by the shoulder. She was surprised that she'd missed him tensing; usually that kind of thing preluded any human movement. Before she could tell him to let go, he released her, breathing hard.
"I'm sorry. I- what happened to your neck?"
His eyes were wide, staring at the ring of purple bruises that lingered on her skin like a necklace. She rubbed them self-consciously.
"Why do you care?"
"I don't know."
She wasn't expecting so honest an answer. She also wasn't expecting herself to tell him, but the words came spilling out before she could stop herself. She'd always been bad at not saying what was on her mind.
"Some crazy man broke into Van-Sama's room last night. He was trying to kill me. I guess he didn't squeeze hard enough or something, because when he threw me down, I was still alive. I wanted to bite him but I couldn't breathe. That was when Van-Sama saved me."
He was quiet, apparently thinking of something that he had no intention of sharing. taking advantage of the moment, she took a good look at him. He had black hair, like Van's, but his was very fine and light. It looked like it would be soft to the touch. He was very young. She thought that he must have been about Van's age, if not a little younger. It wasn't surprising, considering Zaibach's sudden lack of soldiers, that he would be so young, but it was still strange to see a man of his age in the uniform of a captain. But his eyes weren't young. They were blue and fathomless, like the sea.
She liked them. But damned if she was going to say so.
"I'm sorry," he finally said. "It was the Sorcerer, wasn't it? We tried everything we could to stop him, but he already had a head start on us. I'm sorry."
She shrugged. "I've been through worse. Is that why you were following me? To say you were sorry?"
He shook his head. "No. I just wanted to know who you were."
She frowned at him, eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"You're different," he said.
"Different?" she laughed, dancing backward, away from his reach. "Weird. When you say it, it doesn't sound like an insult."
"It's not! Please, I-"
"I'm Merle. You know who I am now. You can stop bothering me. Go back to Zaibach."
He reached out as if to grab her again, but stopped, and his arm dropped limply to his side. "You're right. My men must be wondering where I am. Thank you for your time."
Much to her surprise, he bowed to her, as if she were a true human and not just a cat-beast. She didn't think people in Zaibach had any speck of respect for her kind. It was that, perhaps, combined with the sight of his retreating back, that made her feel like she couldn't just leave things like that.
"I live in the palace in Fanelia, if you want to know," she said, making a show of inspecting her claws.
He stopped, but didn't turn around. The thumb of his right hand rubbed a few quick circles on the hilt of his sword.
"Thank you."
When he entered the stairwell, she called after him, "I still don't like you!"
But there was no answer.
In her dream, Hitomi was aware that the ground was shaking.
Like giants, or rockets, or bodies falling to the ground...
The moon was too bright; she couldn't see what it was. And all the while a voice was whispering to her, "It's the other side of the mirror..."
Why was it so hard to see? She couldn't think, everything was red, red, red-
"Hitomi."
She woke. Hay was in her hair; she must have fallen asleep on the straw in the old hayloft when she'd finished crying.
"Van? What are you doing here?"
"I can't believe I didn't wake you up. Look," he pointed to Escaflowne, which was currently hunched over in man form inside the barn.
Rolling her pendant this way and that between her fingers, she said, "I think I was having a vision... they're sort of hard to wake up from. That explains the shaking, though."
"You were sweating in your sleep."
He laid his cool palm on her forehead, and then on each of her cheeks in turn. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation.
"There's no fever," he finally pronounced, withdrawing his hand. "I think you tired yourself out, though; you're really pale."
"I'm fine," she insisted, but didn't meet his eyes.
He frowned. When she wouldn't look at him, he grabbed her right hand began massaging it with both his thumbs. The sensation was wonderful; someone who knew a lot about caring for one's hands must have taught it to him. Balgus, maybe? A swordsman's hands were some of his most valuable tools, after all. She hadn't realized hers were so sore.
"You're lying," he said, without looking up. "You're not fine. Talk to me."
She sighed, and let him keep working on her hand. "I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about."
"How you feel. Anything."
"I feel awful. I wish I'd never gone with you to Zaibach."
"Why?"
"I messed everything up. If I hadn't been there, that man wouldn't have kidnapped me, and he'd be out of our lives."
"You mean he'd still be alive. Give me your other hand."
She obeyed. "Why couldn't he have left us alone?"
Van shrugged. "It wasn't in his nature. He would have chased us to the end of the world if he could prove he was right. You stopped him."
"I didn't mean to kill him," she whispered, and wasn't able to stop fresh tears from spilling down her face.
"He killed himself, Hitomi."
"I stabbed him. If I hadn't done that, he-"
"I'd be dead," Van said, looking so earnestly at her that she had to close her eyes. "If you hadn't gone with me, Hitomi, that Ispano would be dead, and the Sorcerer would still be killing people, no matter what the law said. You saved more than just Merle and me last night; you probably saved hundreds."
She shook her head, still silently crying. "That doesn't change the fact that he had a life. That he was a person. I took- I took it from him."
"Hitomi," he said, and pulled her to him.
He held her loosely, more as if he were cradling her than pulling her into a tight embrace. She leaned against his shoulder, and his arms circled her back and legs.
"I stabbed him in the back," she said, horrified. "He didn't even hear me coming. Maybe he couldn't. His ears were bleeding. I never meant- I only wanted to stop him."
"You did what you had to do. It's never easy."
She curled into a ball and buried her face in his neck. "How could anyone get used to this? How did you?"
"I didn't," he nearly whispered. "It was war. I did what I had to do. Just like you. But it was never easy."
She drew back, and cupped his cheek with her hands. How could she have thought that way? If she was hurting right now, what about Van? How did he feel, seeing her fall apart like this, after he'd been through so much during the war?
"I'm sorry. You're the bravest person I know."
"You're no braver than I am," he said, giving her that half smile that she loved so much. "Anger only carried me so far before the remorse nearly destroyed me. See? You're already ahead."
She shivered in remembered of Van's march with the dead.
He tucked her hair behind her ears and went on. "I don't think it makes a difference how many times you've done it. It always feels the same. I think the bravest thing you can do is to learn how to live with it. So keep living."
"Okay," she said.
Outside, the moons slipped below the horizon, and the sun burned bright.