CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
Lavi's P.O.V
I followed Bookman away from Kanda silently. I felt blood in my mouth and I spat it on the ground angrily. Looking back, I could see him standing with his arms crossed defiantly as Tiedoll and Mari spoke to him. He looked away, and we met each other's gaze. I glanced away, angry that I was the first to break the eye contact. I didn't have much time to be angry at Kanda, though, because a smack to the head sent me falling to the ground.
"Ow!"
"Idiot! What are you doing?" Bookman said angrily. I pushed myself up, rubbing my head as I stood up.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"We are not exorcists. We are Bookmen. It is not our place to become attached."
"I'm not attached," I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets. Bookman started walking away, and I knew that he meant for me to follow. I did, reluctantly.
"I'm not an idiot, Lavi. I know what that fight was about."
"Oh, yeah?" I said sarcastically. He glared at me.
"We cannot have these relationships. I understand how you feel about the girl. But you need to forget her. Once this war is over, we will leave the Order and all its members. We will never come back, and we will take on new identities. You told me once before that you understood what it meant to become a Bookman, and that you would not regret your decision. Do not tell me that you have changed your mind."
I looked away from Bookman, knowing that the things he said were true. I said nothing.
"Lavi? Have you changed your mind?"
"No." I bit my tongue, punishing myself for the lie that I had made. I felt fresh blood pool in my mouth.
"Good. We have much work to do."
I followed him, knowing that I had made my choice and that I would never be able to change that.
KANDA'S P.O.V.
"Kanda, must we continue these silly arguments?" Tiedoll said. I crossed my arms. The blood flow from my wound was slowing considerably, and I knew that by the time we got to the hospital wing it would have stopped all together.
"You really need to learn to control yourself," Mari said. I said nothing.
"Che," I sighed, turning my head to the side. Lavi turned toward me at just the same moment, and our eyes met. I glared at him, channeling my anger and frustration into my eyes, hoping to make him squirm. Finally, when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, he turned away. I was glad that I was not the one to break the eye contact first.
"Are you even listening to us?" Tiedoll said. I turned back toward them, realizing that I had missed what must have been a whole speech. The hell if I cared. I shrugged.
"Gah! Yu-kun, can't you just pay attention for once! Listen to us!"
"Don't call me that." I uncrossed my arms and started walking away.
"Where are you going?"
"Yu! YU!"
I ignored their calls for me to come back. I could hear them starting after me, but I knew that if I ran from them it would make me look weak. So I kept my pace and soon Mari and Tiedoll were next to me.
"Really, Kanda, must you do that?"
"General, I think we should drop it."
"Fine. Mari, see to it that Kanda gets his wound redressed. I have much to do."
"Yes, sir." He turned and walked away from us. We continued on to the hospital in silence. I could tell that Mari was itching to say something, but I was glad that he didn't.
When Nurse saw my bloody clothes, she nearly had a fit. When she asked about how my wound had reopened, I didn't care to elaborate as to what had happened. She took my bloodstained shirt and disposed of it, then rewrapped the wound on my stomach. When she saw that it was nearly closed after so little time, her face dropped. When she looked at me, I turned away, unwilling to see the sympathy and the sadness in her eyes. Only a few people knew about my ability to heal so quickly, and she was one of them. I knew that it caused her pain.
She had just finished wrapping the bandages around my torso when the infirmary doors opened. Komui and Val walked in. When Val looked at me I saw her face get red. She was angry. I walked away and left the infirmary, ignoring Komui's calls saying that he wanted to speak with me. I didn't want to talk with anyone.
I walked through the halls of the Order, managing to avoid everyone. Once I entered the main hall, I waited cautiously until it was deserted before sneaking into a deserted hallway that had taken quite a beating. I moved quickly and silently down the hallway, not wanting to be seen or heard. At the end of the hallway, I opened a dilapidated door and entered a room, shutting the door tightly behind me.
The piano in the center of the room looked incredibly alone. I walked over to it, letting my fingers trail over the cool keys. I sat down on the bench, bringing my right foot forward so that it was resting on the sustaining pedal. I rested my fingertips on the keys and leaned my body slightly forward, ready to lose myself. I played a few scales absently. I tinkered around, playing random little songs that didn't really mean anything. Then I stopped, suddenly engrossed in my memory of what happened earlier with Lavi. I felt my blood begin to boil, my body temperature rising. My hands began to shake and suddenly I felt really horrible. I loathed him. I hated the sight of that baka usagi.
My hands began to move across the keys, my fingers pounding out notes. I let my body be taken over by the notes. I could feel myself rocking as I threw myself into every pitch I played. All of my frustration and anger was being poured into the piano. With every note I played I felt a little bit of my frustration flow away. I played for what felt like hours. Finally, my playing slowed into more relaxing songs. Eventually I trickled into Val's lullaby. Emotion flowed into the piece, making it more beautiful and haunting than before.
Val P.O.V.
Nurse wanted me to rest more after my meeting with Hevlaska, but I knew that I couldn't. I had just talked to Lavi, and he had been no help in understanding what had happened. I needed to find Kanda and talk to him. I didn't want to; I was feeling a little resentful towards him and Lavi, but I knew that if I didn't go now, I would just grow more resentful and upset.
I was lying on a hospital bed close to the infirmary doors, waiting for the perfect moment to make my escape. I waited until Nurse went into her office and closed the door behind her. I quickly got out of the bed, my slippers already on my feet, and grabbed my dressing gown from where it was resting over the back of a chair. I slipped quietly out of the hospital wing and quickly walked down the hall. I turned the corner just as I heard the doors open behind me, Nurse calling my name.
I tried Kanda's room first. The door was unlocked, but he wasn't in there. I walked in, and looked around the room. The floor was clean, the bed pristinely made. The only sign of life was a cup of tea sitting on the table in the room. I walked over and picked it up. The cup was cold to the touch. Sighing, I set it down and left the room.
I made my way to the cafeteria. By the time I got there, my chest was beginning to feel a little sore. I ignored the pain as I opened the door. The sound of conversation greeted me, and I knew already that Kanda wouldn't be in here. I sighed again, ready to leave. I turned around, but a cool hand grabbed onto my wrist lightly, keeping me from leaving.
"Val? Shouldn't you be in the infirmary?"
I looked at the hand on my wrist and looked up into Lenalee's face. "Yeah. I just thought I'd come here and get some tea."
Lenalee raised her eyebrows, seeing through my lie. "Come on then," she said, leading me to the line. We waited in silence, and when we got to the front of the line, Lenalee asked Jerry for three cups of tea, instead of two. I looked at her, confused. She took the tray and walked toward the door. I followed. Once out of the cafeteria she turned toward me and handed me the tray, taking one cup off of it and bringing it to her lips.
"I saw him leave the infirmary a while ago. He didn't notice me. I don't know where he was going. I haven't seen him since."
"Oh."
"I expect that he might appreciate the tea. Well, I have a mission with Allen and the others. We are going to Edo. See you." She started to walk away.
"Lenalee!"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks. And good luck," I said. She smiled and nodded, before continuing on her way.
I started in the opposite direction, knowing exactly where I would find Kanda. The abandoned experiment hall looked even more eerie than before. As I walked down it, I could hear the faint sounds of a piano growing louder. I paused at the door, before opening it carefully. I closed it quietly behind me and watched.
Kanda was sitting at the piano, playing with his entire body. I watched him throw himself into the keys as he played songs that must have mirrored his emotions. They had strong baselines and were angry sounding. I felt my eyes well with tears. Finally, he paused, and I thought that maybe he had heard me draw in a shaky breath. But instead he began to play softer, sadder sounding songs. His body rocked back and forth with the beat, and I knew that if I walked over to stand in front of him, his eyes would be closed. He had been taken over by the music. I picked up our tea, and began to walk over, when he started to play a familiar song. My lullaby was more beautiful than I remembered it. He was playing it with different emotions than he had when he first showed me the song. It made my heart stop.
Suddenly, Kanda slammed his fist down on the keys, creating an unpleasant dissonance. I jumped, knocking over the tray with the tea. The sound alarmed him, and Kanda stood up quickly, and turned around, his hand on Mugen. When he saw me, he relaxed his grip and sat back down. I stood up.
"I brought you tea, but…" I trailed off, gesturing to the chipped cup and the tea that was now flowing across the floor.
"Thanks."
Kanda's P.O.V.
I sat back down. I didn't say anything. Val stood there, her right arm across her torso, her hand holding her left arm, which was hanging by her side. I didn't say anything. I knew she was angry and upset. I didn't want to have this conversation. I wouldn't be able to explain. So I said nothing still and just watched her.
Val's P.O.V.
He didn't say anything, just sat back down. He didn't continue to play the piano, just sat there with his back straight. I crossed one arm over my chest, grabbing onto my upper arm with my right hand. I didn't know where to start, and his posture suggested defiance. I knew Kanda. I could tell that he didn't want to talk to me about what had happened, but I needed to talk. I needed to understand why. How else could we have closure and be able to move on?
I closed the distance between us, and he moved over on the bench, making room for me to sit down. I perched myself on the edge, keeping a little distance between us. If he was stung or hurt by this, Kanda didn't show it. He looked at me, a bit of a hard edge behind his eyes. They softened after a moment, and he reached out to place an arm around my waist, pulling me farther onto the bench. Then he let go.
"If you fell off," he began, "and hurt yourself, I think Nurse would strangle me."
"What happened today?" I asked. I ignored his statement, although I found the sheepish way in which he said it to be incredibly endearing. Now was not the time to be overtaken by his good looks and rough charm.
"Nothing happened," he said. He looked me in the eyes when he said it, trying to convince me that that was the truth. Of course, I knew better.
"You and Lavi are comrades, not enemies. We all have a common goal. I don't understand why you two are fighting. Why are you two fighting?"
"No reason."
"There has to be a reason. People don't fight just for the fun of it."
"Some people do."
"No. They don't. Kanda, I know you. You only fight when you feel that you have a good reason to fight. Please, talk to me. Tell me what's going on."
He sighed. "Val. It's nothing. Really."
I stood up angrily and spun around to face him. "Nothing? Nothing!" I exclaimed, my voice getting shrill. "How can it be nothing? You two are so frustrating! You know I already spoke with Lavi and he was just as vague and frustrating as you are! I need answers. I'm worried about you two and I'm so confused. There must be a reason and I'm getting really mad that neither of you will tell me what's going on!"
I spun on my heel and began to walk away, giving up. If he wasn't going to tell me, then I wasn't going to waste my time trying to find out anymore. I was already going to be in enough trouble after leaving the infirmary without permission. My hand was on the doorknob.
"Val. Wait."
Kanda's P.O.V.
She turned her head to face me, leaving her hand on the doorknob. I sighed and stood up, covering my mouth with my fist. She always knew how to get me to do what she wanted. I hated myself for giving in.
"Kanda, if you're not going to tell me what's going on then I really don't have time for this. Nurse doesn't know I'm here, and she'll probably have a fit if I don't get back soon."
I walked over to Val and grabbed her hand. I pulled her away from the door and led her back to the piano bench. If I was going to say it, I might as well say everything. No point in holding back. It was out of character for me, but what the hell was I supposed to do?
"I love you, Val."
"I know," she said. She had her face forward, and I reached out. I placed my palm on her cheek and turned her face toward mine. Our lips met halfway.
"I love you too, Kanda," she said, "but don't think that that means you can get away with the way you've been acting. I want to know what's going on."
"Lavi's an asshole," I said. She rolled her eyes and stood up.
"If that's all you're going to say then I'm leaving."
I caught her arm and pulled her back down. "No. Don't go yet." I took a deep breath. "He thinks that it's my fault that you got injured. He says that he could have protected you, kept you from getting hurt."
She looked at me expectantly.
"And, he said…" I stopped, unsure of how to proceed. I didn't want to tell her the last part, but I knew that if I didn't she would leave and stay mad at me. And I didn't want that.
"He said?" she prompted.
"He said that I'm not the only one who loves you."
She gasped in surprise. "Who else is he talking about?"
"Val, who do you think?"
"Lavi? Lavi loves me?" I could tell that that was not what she had been expecting.
"So he says."
"Oh my God. So that's why you two were fighting. You're worried that I would want to be with Lavi. You're jealous!"
This thought seemed to make her happy. "Dammit Val! What? That makes no sense?" I said angrily. She didn't seem to care. She stood up, smiling gleefully.
"You and Lavi are jealous of each other! I can't believe it."
I stood up, nearly knocking over the bench in anger and frustration. "I am not jealous of that baka usagi. He's a complete idiot."
She nodded, although I was sure that she was only doing it for my benefit. I sat back down, running my hands through my hair.
"I was worried about you two," she said, softly. "But Kanda, don't you know that I want to be with you, forever? I would never want to leave you to be with Lavi, or anyone for that matter. You are the only person who I can see myself with. You make me whole. I love you, and no one else."
I nodded.
"I'm glad we talked about this. But you still owe me."
"Okay," I said, willing to do anything to make her happy again. "What do I have to do?"
"You have to hold my hand while we walk around the Order."
She knew how I felt about showing affection in public. I hated it. "Really?" I asked. She nodded. I sighed.
"Okay. Let's go."
We left the piano room, and as we entered the main hall of the Order, I reached down and intertwined our fingers. She smiled at me, and I managed to smile back. Anything to make her happy. Anything.
Long time, no post. Sorry it has taken me so long. I was having writer's block, but luckily, I saw Val a while ago and she helped me decide what to do next. For those of you who don't remember, Val is a real person, and the Val in my story is based on the real Val.
Anyway, I realize that Kanda is out of character quite often in this story. I am sorry if that bothers. On that note, however, I'd like to say that this is not -Man. This is Silver Lining, so this is my Kanda. Kind of. He is acting in a way that I would like him to act. I'm sorry if that bothers you.
I think that I like how this chapter turned out, but of course I would love to know what you think. So send me a message or review the chapter and I will greatly appreciate it. :)
P.S. I made a playlist of the songs that I think Kanda played while he was playing piano. Feel free to search them on youtube and listen. And if you want, you can tell me what you think of the songs that he played and if they fit the mood.
Songs when he was mad:
1. Enter Sandman by Scott D. Davis (Yes it is a piano cover of a Metallica song. So are the next four.)
2. Master of Puppets by Scott D. Davis
3. Fade to Black by Scott D. Davis
4. Welcome Home by Scott. D. Davis
5. Nothing Else Matters by Scott. D. Davis
Songs when he began to become a little more relaxed:
6. The Heart Asks Pleasure First by Michael Nyman (From the movie "The Piano." This song is so beautiful.)
7. Big My Secret by Michael Nyman ( also from "The Piano". This one is really beautiful and sad, I think.)
8. Val's Lullaby by Me! (I really need to post this one for you guys, but I can never get a perfect recording. I'll keep trying though. Maybe someday.)