Note: I'm sorry, I'm late yet again. I'm having a bit of a personal issue
bothering me, and I'm not feeling very inspired about this fic lately.
Right now there's little keeping me writing this, but I promised myself
that I would never leave a fic unfinished, so fear not loyal readers.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
All nightlong. That's how long she considered it, how long she rolled it around in her mind, how long she mulled it over. Why couldn't this be easier? Everybody else had already accepted it, and was ready to move on into this new, or rather, old life. So why couldn't she do the same? There had to be a reason, and she'd be damned if she didn't find out what it was.
She looked at the body lying wrapped in her arms peaceful and content. It brought a small smile to her face, and she considered how lucky she was. Dinah was gorgeous in her own right, there was no doubt there. Sure Helena herself had always been labeled the tough, badass, dark beauty, but Dinah had radiance about her. If she wanted, Dinah could probably have anyone wrapped around her finger; if not from her looks, then from her personality. And yet of all people, she chose Helena.
Sinking into the warmth of Dinah's body, she continued to think about what was holding her back. She hadn't been entirely honest with either of them. In truth she had remembered a few bits and pieces here and there, but they were even remotely pleasant memories. There was rain, and she was crying, and someone, she didn't know whom yet, but someone was lying in a pool of their own blood. That wasn't all though, she remembered a few fights, the word Quinzel, and for some reason clay stood out in her mind.
If these were the things she remembered on her own, then what else was there to remember? It seemed as though her life was filled with nothing but pain and loneliness. And who would choose to remember that when given a choice as she had now? Apparently Dinah did, but she seemed to only remember good things. At least that's what Helena had inferred from her behavior, too caught up in her own confusion to see the signs that Dinah was extremely uncomfortable about a certain something.
So, at only seeing the happiness Dinah seemed to posses, Helena grew a little jealous. Was it irrational? Yes. Was it uncalled for? Yes. Was it anyone's fault? No. Helena knew this, but she couldn't help what she was feeling. It was more frustrating than anything else really, and from that her anger stemmed. Here she was afraid, yes the mighty Huntress afraid, while Dinah on the other hand had more than her fair share of happiness. What if Helena took the dive, and let Dinah unlock her memories? Would she find warmth she had been missing, a feeling of belonging with these other people, or would she plunge into the icy cold of loss? There were simply too many questions, and if there was one thing Helena didn't like being, it was uncertain.
A small, aggravated growl made it past her lips, and she looked to the clock that Dinah had set up in there room. Three am, oh she was one pissed little kitty. She had been laying here since eleven because Dinah was so tired. She herself was still up and awake this whole time, and sleep would just not find her, really, she wasn't even tired. So, since there wasn't much else to do, she decided to think about her little problem. Now she was regretting that decision as she only found herself growing more annoyed and frustrated, while coming no closer to a decision.
It shouldn't even be that hard to chose, remember or not. Those were the two decisions; yes or no. You'd think someone was asking a more fatal decision at the way she was fretting over it, either Dinah dies or the bus full of little school children. Okay, so that was a little over the top, but it may as well have been what she was deciding between. She felt obligated to do one, but in truth desperately wanted to do the other.
Now she felt herself become even more restless, and decided that she needed a new way to think about it. Gently, quietly, and with the utmost care she slipped out of the bed making sure not to wake Dinah. Softly she caressed Dinah's cheek and pushed a little bit of hair from her face before giving her a light kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back later Di." She whispered before retreating from the bedroom.
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This was more like what she needed, a way to take out the frustration she felt instead of wallowing in it. Cracking her knuckles and taking a soothing breath, she began to hammer her fists into the punching bag before her. Either she would beat her concerns or they would beat her, no matter which way it turned out, she would have the answer she needed soon.
"So Helena, let's think about this; pros and cons. Pro, I find out my past. Con, I find out my past. Okay, need to dig a little deeper. Pro, I'll remember first meeting Dinah. Con, I was close to the person lying in blood. Pro, knowing who I really am. Con, finding out I was related to the name Quinzel. I don't trust that name." She thought to herself in time to her kicks and punches which grew more ferocious as time went on. "Face it Hel, you're being a coward. You're afraid of a name damn it! A name. You have to know when Dinah fits into all of this too. In fact, with all these bad vibes, you could be her protector. If you remember some bad guys she doesn't, you can protect her."
Well, that was the end of that battle, she had emerged victorious, and with purpose. She would do it for Dinah, and that was the only reason she needed to begin with. Still though, she found herself with far too much energy, and decided to work out for at least an hour.
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Waking with a great yawn, Dinah moved to snuggle into Helena only to find that side of the bed empty. "Hel?" She called out confused. There was no answer, but she hadn't expected there to be one. Pulling the covers off she was hit by air so cold she found herself able to see her breath. Immediately she drew herself back into the covers and absorbed the warmth while searching for a thermostat, or a heater. "How'd it get so cold in here?" She wondered while huddling against the blankets. On a chair she spotted a warm and fuzzy looking house coat, and at the side of her bed a pair of slippers. Knowing that she had to leave the bed some time, she steeled herself, and put the items on as quickly as possible. She was still cold, but it was bearable this time. A quick search of the room found no method to heat it, and so she ventured into the hallway.
"Barbara? Helena? Alfred? Are you guys here?" There was no answer aside from her voice echoing back. "Weird." Leaning over the rail she looked toward Delphi, and found it sealed off for some reason. "That must be why she can't hear me." Dinah mused, although she did wonder why Barbara would do such a thing. Typically she wasn't bothered by any sort of outside interference, so why close of the area?
With a shrug she made her way quickly to the Delphi, and pounded on the steel doors. "Barbara?" She paused for a moment when she got no response. "Oracle?" She tried again.
"Not now Dinah, I have things to do." A voice snapped from behind the walls.
"I just wanted to know if you could turn up the heat." Dinah called back a little bit of hurt showing through.
"I said not now Dinah. Get out. Go bother some one else for a change."
Then there was silence. Dinah was shocked and hurt from Barbara's words; never had she thought Barbara would yell at her like that. Even through the thick walls erected, she could hear Barbara's anger. "I'm sorry." She whispered at the ground.
"Don't be sorry just leave." The growl came from behind the steel shocking Dinah, as she hadn't thought that Barbara would've been able to hear her. The room seemed to grow unbearably dark, and she felt as though it was closing in around her. Heart racing she ran out of the room as quickly as possible.
She needed to find Helena. Only Helena could provide her with the comfort she needed after Barbara. An unnatural chill crept up her spine as she approached the training room. Although her instincts told her to stay away, she ignored them after hearing the sounds of someone working out knowing that it was Helena. With some relief she pushed open the door seeing Helena exactly as she had expected to. Deciding that she could wait a few moments to talk, she instead ogled her girlfriend.
Sweat was glistening on her skin from the intensity of her work out, and her fists continued to pound into the bag. Dinah couldn't help but admire the strength she saw, the muscles on Helena extremely svelte. There was a look of wild joy upon Helena's face, and Dinah felt herself grin at it.
"What do you need kid?" Helena paused for a moment to look over at Dinah who blushed at having been caught.
"I-uh-I just wanted to talk to you." Dinah started.
"Yeah? And here I thought you wanted to admire the view a bit longer." Helena teased watching Dinah as she blushed again.
"Well I just... I mean I was just going to look for a minute." Dinah defended weakly.
"Sure." Helena laughed. This time Dinah giggled a little herself, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
The moment was broken as there were several loud bangs combined with the sound of breaking glass. Dinah hit the ground trying to avoid being hit by shards of glass and the spray of bullets. Once the sounds stopped she flipped her hair out of her face only to see Helena behind her with blood dripping down her face. "Hel?" She whispered tentatively. There was no answer. "Hel?" Her voice broke and she took in the body of her girlfriend.
Bullet holes littered her body all of them bleeding profusely and forming a pool of blood beneath her. Dinah wanted to throw up, and the tears began to fall. "Hel? Hel?! Come on Hel get up. You're fine I know you are, you have to be. Please Hel just tell me you're okay." Dinah sobbed. "Please...please...don't go." Her voice was nothing more than a broken whisper now.
"Dinah, what are you crying about?"
Dinah's head whipped around unable to believe what she was hearing, or what she was seeing. "What? How?" She turned back and found the body gone. "But, I saw it, I felt it." On her hands there was no longer any blood from when she had tried to rouse Helena.
"Saw what? Are you okay? Maybe you should be checked out by Barbara" Helena said a little unsure of what was going on.
"Yeah, come on. We'll take you there."
"Reese? What are you doing here?" Dinah asked. She had already been confused by whatever happened to Helena, but now Reese was here and she was utterly confounded.
"What do you mean what am I doing here? I come here everyday. Ain't that right Hel?" He asked his companion with a gentle smile.
"Of course. I'd barely get to see you otherwise." Helena punctuated the statement with a kiss, and Dinah felt her heart shatter in her chest.
Once again the room seemed to become unbearably cold, and she could see her breaths coming out in puffs. It would appear that she was the only one suffering from the cold however, as Helena and Reese were just staring at her oddly. "When? How? Why? I don't understand. I thought you loved me." Dinah pleaded hugging herself, as it grew colder yet.
"Love you? Why would anyone love you?" Barbara had apparently freed herself from the steel prison just to torment Dinah.
"Yeah kid, it's not like you're anything special." Helena sneered at her.
"She's mine now Dinah. All mine. You lost I won." Reese gloated kissing Helena again.
Dinah could feel herself freezing, it was so hard to breath, it was so cold. She couldn't breath, why couldn't she breathe? Dinah began to panic as her chest grew heavy and her throat constricted painfully. "No, no no please no." She sobbed. "Please don't leave me."
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A scream was ripped from her throat as she woke. "A dream, just a dream." Then she found the space beside her empty, and the room slightly chilly. She couldn't have stopped the sobs even if she had wanted to. Falling back to the bed she clutched the pillow that Helena had been sleeping on earlier trying to take some comfort in the scent. But the thoughts that Helena had either left her or was dead plagued her and she continued to cry.
When Helena walked in only a few minutes later, and saw her sobbing companion she became very alarmed. "Dinah? Dinah, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Helena asked as she ran over, and scooped the younger girl into her arms.
"Do you love me?" Dinah asked desperately, Helena was too shocked to answer right away, and Dinah asked again with an almost frightening edge to her tone. "Do you love me?"
"Of course I do. Dinah, what's wrong?"
"You hate Reese right? You'd never leave me for him?" Her fears of Helena's death had been assuaged, but there was still that one nagging question.
"No of course I wouldn't. Why are you asking me this?"
"Nothing, it was just a nightmare. I was so scared Helena, and then you weren't here when I woke up. I just got scared." She explained weakly.
"Hey, no worries right? You know that I'll love you forever, and there's no way that jerk could take me away from you." Helena tried to reassure her.
"I know, I'm sorry. Just hold me for a little while?"
With a smile Helena gave her answer. "Gladly."
Several minutes later after Dinah had calmed down, Helena decided that she would broach what she wanted to talk about. "Dinah?"
"Yeah Hel?"
"You know, the reason I wasn't in bed this morning is because I went to work out." She felt Dinah tense for a moment at that, but forged ahead deciding that the reaction must have had to do with the nightmare. "The reason I was in the gym was because I was thinking. I think...no I know that I'm ready to remember now."
"Hel?" Needless to say Dinah was surprised at this revelation. Just yesterday Helena had vehemently refusing to remember anything, and now, well she was suggesting it.
"Yeah, I know, shocking." Helena grinned. "Would you just do it?"
"Anything for you." Their hands clasped and soon Helena remembered most of everything.
"Why is some of it still blurry?" Helena asked.
"Those are the memories that Barbara didn't know about, so she can't help us remember them. We'll probably remember them eventually though." Dinah assured.
"No problem. At least I have memories of you, and damn you look good in leather." Helena complimented.
"Yeah well, maybe I'll just start wearing it more often. Of course that might require raiding your wardrobe." Dinah warned jokingly.
"You can raid the entire leather shop as long as I see you in some more of it."
"Um, Hel, I hate to break the mood, but I think I need to tell you something." Dinah said nervously while tucking some hair behind her ear.
"All right, what is it?"
"Please don't be too mad." She took a moment to compose herself. "Barbara and I sort of kissed once."
Note: Cruel of me to leave it here? Yes. Anywho, really sorry about the three week wait, that was a little bad of me. Please don't throw things at my head; I've already lost enough brain cells. Till next time.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
All nightlong. That's how long she considered it, how long she rolled it around in her mind, how long she mulled it over. Why couldn't this be easier? Everybody else had already accepted it, and was ready to move on into this new, or rather, old life. So why couldn't she do the same? There had to be a reason, and she'd be damned if she didn't find out what it was.
She looked at the body lying wrapped in her arms peaceful and content. It brought a small smile to her face, and she considered how lucky she was. Dinah was gorgeous in her own right, there was no doubt there. Sure Helena herself had always been labeled the tough, badass, dark beauty, but Dinah had radiance about her. If she wanted, Dinah could probably have anyone wrapped around her finger; if not from her looks, then from her personality. And yet of all people, she chose Helena.
Sinking into the warmth of Dinah's body, she continued to think about what was holding her back. She hadn't been entirely honest with either of them. In truth she had remembered a few bits and pieces here and there, but they were even remotely pleasant memories. There was rain, and she was crying, and someone, she didn't know whom yet, but someone was lying in a pool of their own blood. That wasn't all though, she remembered a few fights, the word Quinzel, and for some reason clay stood out in her mind.
If these were the things she remembered on her own, then what else was there to remember? It seemed as though her life was filled with nothing but pain and loneliness. And who would choose to remember that when given a choice as she had now? Apparently Dinah did, but she seemed to only remember good things. At least that's what Helena had inferred from her behavior, too caught up in her own confusion to see the signs that Dinah was extremely uncomfortable about a certain something.
So, at only seeing the happiness Dinah seemed to posses, Helena grew a little jealous. Was it irrational? Yes. Was it uncalled for? Yes. Was it anyone's fault? No. Helena knew this, but she couldn't help what she was feeling. It was more frustrating than anything else really, and from that her anger stemmed. Here she was afraid, yes the mighty Huntress afraid, while Dinah on the other hand had more than her fair share of happiness. What if Helena took the dive, and let Dinah unlock her memories? Would she find warmth she had been missing, a feeling of belonging with these other people, or would she plunge into the icy cold of loss? There were simply too many questions, and if there was one thing Helena didn't like being, it was uncertain.
A small, aggravated growl made it past her lips, and she looked to the clock that Dinah had set up in there room. Three am, oh she was one pissed little kitty. She had been laying here since eleven because Dinah was so tired. She herself was still up and awake this whole time, and sleep would just not find her, really, she wasn't even tired. So, since there wasn't much else to do, she decided to think about her little problem. Now she was regretting that decision as she only found herself growing more annoyed and frustrated, while coming no closer to a decision.
It shouldn't even be that hard to chose, remember or not. Those were the two decisions; yes or no. You'd think someone was asking a more fatal decision at the way she was fretting over it, either Dinah dies or the bus full of little school children. Okay, so that was a little over the top, but it may as well have been what she was deciding between. She felt obligated to do one, but in truth desperately wanted to do the other.
Now she felt herself become even more restless, and decided that she needed a new way to think about it. Gently, quietly, and with the utmost care she slipped out of the bed making sure not to wake Dinah. Softly she caressed Dinah's cheek and pushed a little bit of hair from her face before giving her a light kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back later Di." She whispered before retreating from the bedroom.
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This was more like what she needed, a way to take out the frustration she felt instead of wallowing in it. Cracking her knuckles and taking a soothing breath, she began to hammer her fists into the punching bag before her. Either she would beat her concerns or they would beat her, no matter which way it turned out, she would have the answer she needed soon.
"So Helena, let's think about this; pros and cons. Pro, I find out my past. Con, I find out my past. Okay, need to dig a little deeper. Pro, I'll remember first meeting Dinah. Con, I was close to the person lying in blood. Pro, knowing who I really am. Con, finding out I was related to the name Quinzel. I don't trust that name." She thought to herself in time to her kicks and punches which grew more ferocious as time went on. "Face it Hel, you're being a coward. You're afraid of a name damn it! A name. You have to know when Dinah fits into all of this too. In fact, with all these bad vibes, you could be her protector. If you remember some bad guys she doesn't, you can protect her."
Well, that was the end of that battle, she had emerged victorious, and with purpose. She would do it for Dinah, and that was the only reason she needed to begin with. Still though, she found herself with far too much energy, and decided to work out for at least an hour.
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Waking with a great yawn, Dinah moved to snuggle into Helena only to find that side of the bed empty. "Hel?" She called out confused. There was no answer, but she hadn't expected there to be one. Pulling the covers off she was hit by air so cold she found herself able to see her breath. Immediately she drew herself back into the covers and absorbed the warmth while searching for a thermostat, or a heater. "How'd it get so cold in here?" She wondered while huddling against the blankets. On a chair she spotted a warm and fuzzy looking house coat, and at the side of her bed a pair of slippers. Knowing that she had to leave the bed some time, she steeled herself, and put the items on as quickly as possible. She was still cold, but it was bearable this time. A quick search of the room found no method to heat it, and so she ventured into the hallway.
"Barbara? Helena? Alfred? Are you guys here?" There was no answer aside from her voice echoing back. "Weird." Leaning over the rail she looked toward Delphi, and found it sealed off for some reason. "That must be why she can't hear me." Dinah mused, although she did wonder why Barbara would do such a thing. Typically she wasn't bothered by any sort of outside interference, so why close of the area?
With a shrug she made her way quickly to the Delphi, and pounded on the steel doors. "Barbara?" She paused for a moment when she got no response. "Oracle?" She tried again.
"Not now Dinah, I have things to do." A voice snapped from behind the walls.
"I just wanted to know if you could turn up the heat." Dinah called back a little bit of hurt showing through.
"I said not now Dinah. Get out. Go bother some one else for a change."
Then there was silence. Dinah was shocked and hurt from Barbara's words; never had she thought Barbara would yell at her like that. Even through the thick walls erected, she could hear Barbara's anger. "I'm sorry." She whispered at the ground.
"Don't be sorry just leave." The growl came from behind the steel shocking Dinah, as she hadn't thought that Barbara would've been able to hear her. The room seemed to grow unbearably dark, and she felt as though it was closing in around her. Heart racing she ran out of the room as quickly as possible.
She needed to find Helena. Only Helena could provide her with the comfort she needed after Barbara. An unnatural chill crept up her spine as she approached the training room. Although her instincts told her to stay away, she ignored them after hearing the sounds of someone working out knowing that it was Helena. With some relief she pushed open the door seeing Helena exactly as she had expected to. Deciding that she could wait a few moments to talk, she instead ogled her girlfriend.
Sweat was glistening on her skin from the intensity of her work out, and her fists continued to pound into the bag. Dinah couldn't help but admire the strength she saw, the muscles on Helena extremely svelte. There was a look of wild joy upon Helena's face, and Dinah felt herself grin at it.
"What do you need kid?" Helena paused for a moment to look over at Dinah who blushed at having been caught.
"I-uh-I just wanted to talk to you." Dinah started.
"Yeah? And here I thought you wanted to admire the view a bit longer." Helena teased watching Dinah as she blushed again.
"Well I just... I mean I was just going to look for a minute." Dinah defended weakly.
"Sure." Helena laughed. This time Dinah giggled a little herself, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
The moment was broken as there were several loud bangs combined with the sound of breaking glass. Dinah hit the ground trying to avoid being hit by shards of glass and the spray of bullets. Once the sounds stopped she flipped her hair out of her face only to see Helena behind her with blood dripping down her face. "Hel?" She whispered tentatively. There was no answer. "Hel?" Her voice broke and she took in the body of her girlfriend.
Bullet holes littered her body all of them bleeding profusely and forming a pool of blood beneath her. Dinah wanted to throw up, and the tears began to fall. "Hel? Hel?! Come on Hel get up. You're fine I know you are, you have to be. Please Hel just tell me you're okay." Dinah sobbed. "Please...please...don't go." Her voice was nothing more than a broken whisper now.
"Dinah, what are you crying about?"
Dinah's head whipped around unable to believe what she was hearing, or what she was seeing. "What? How?" She turned back and found the body gone. "But, I saw it, I felt it." On her hands there was no longer any blood from when she had tried to rouse Helena.
"Saw what? Are you okay? Maybe you should be checked out by Barbara" Helena said a little unsure of what was going on.
"Yeah, come on. We'll take you there."
"Reese? What are you doing here?" Dinah asked. She had already been confused by whatever happened to Helena, but now Reese was here and she was utterly confounded.
"What do you mean what am I doing here? I come here everyday. Ain't that right Hel?" He asked his companion with a gentle smile.
"Of course. I'd barely get to see you otherwise." Helena punctuated the statement with a kiss, and Dinah felt her heart shatter in her chest.
Once again the room seemed to become unbearably cold, and she could see her breaths coming out in puffs. It would appear that she was the only one suffering from the cold however, as Helena and Reese were just staring at her oddly. "When? How? Why? I don't understand. I thought you loved me." Dinah pleaded hugging herself, as it grew colder yet.
"Love you? Why would anyone love you?" Barbara had apparently freed herself from the steel prison just to torment Dinah.
"Yeah kid, it's not like you're anything special." Helena sneered at her.
"She's mine now Dinah. All mine. You lost I won." Reese gloated kissing Helena again.
Dinah could feel herself freezing, it was so hard to breath, it was so cold. She couldn't breath, why couldn't she breathe? Dinah began to panic as her chest grew heavy and her throat constricted painfully. "No, no no please no." She sobbed. "Please don't leave me."
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A scream was ripped from her throat as she woke. "A dream, just a dream." Then she found the space beside her empty, and the room slightly chilly. She couldn't have stopped the sobs even if she had wanted to. Falling back to the bed she clutched the pillow that Helena had been sleeping on earlier trying to take some comfort in the scent. But the thoughts that Helena had either left her or was dead plagued her and she continued to cry.
When Helena walked in only a few minutes later, and saw her sobbing companion she became very alarmed. "Dinah? Dinah, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Helena asked as she ran over, and scooped the younger girl into her arms.
"Do you love me?" Dinah asked desperately, Helena was too shocked to answer right away, and Dinah asked again with an almost frightening edge to her tone. "Do you love me?"
"Of course I do. Dinah, what's wrong?"
"You hate Reese right? You'd never leave me for him?" Her fears of Helena's death had been assuaged, but there was still that one nagging question.
"No of course I wouldn't. Why are you asking me this?"
"Nothing, it was just a nightmare. I was so scared Helena, and then you weren't here when I woke up. I just got scared." She explained weakly.
"Hey, no worries right? You know that I'll love you forever, and there's no way that jerk could take me away from you." Helena tried to reassure her.
"I know, I'm sorry. Just hold me for a little while?"
With a smile Helena gave her answer. "Gladly."
Several minutes later after Dinah had calmed down, Helena decided that she would broach what she wanted to talk about. "Dinah?"
"Yeah Hel?"
"You know, the reason I wasn't in bed this morning is because I went to work out." She felt Dinah tense for a moment at that, but forged ahead deciding that the reaction must have had to do with the nightmare. "The reason I was in the gym was because I was thinking. I think...no I know that I'm ready to remember now."
"Hel?" Needless to say Dinah was surprised at this revelation. Just yesterday Helena had vehemently refusing to remember anything, and now, well she was suggesting it.
"Yeah, I know, shocking." Helena grinned. "Would you just do it?"
"Anything for you." Their hands clasped and soon Helena remembered most of everything.
"Why is some of it still blurry?" Helena asked.
"Those are the memories that Barbara didn't know about, so she can't help us remember them. We'll probably remember them eventually though." Dinah assured.
"No problem. At least I have memories of you, and damn you look good in leather." Helena complimented.
"Yeah well, maybe I'll just start wearing it more often. Of course that might require raiding your wardrobe." Dinah warned jokingly.
"You can raid the entire leather shop as long as I see you in some more of it."
"Um, Hel, I hate to break the mood, but I think I need to tell you something." Dinah said nervously while tucking some hair behind her ear.
"All right, what is it?"
"Please don't be too mad." She took a moment to compose herself. "Barbara and I sort of kissed once."
Note: Cruel of me to leave it here? Yes. Anywho, really sorry about the three week wait, that was a little bad of me. Please don't throw things at my head; I've already lost enough brain cells. Till next time.