A/N: Spoilers for episode 7x07. Just a warning. Also, sad...depressing...the usual. Enjoy!

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

Juliet could practically still feel Shawn's limber fingers grazing against her bare skin. The tender kisses that would travel from her head to her toes, and the urgently, passionate way that he would kiss her when it was just the two of them. His presence still lingered in the house, and she hated it. Everything she saw, everything she looked at reminded her of him, which only caused the pain of the truth to chip off another piece of her all too broken heart.

Time heals all wounds. That was how the saying went, but apparently whoever had so cleverly thought up that saying, had never had their entire world snatched from them in a blink of an eye, or in Juliet's case, in the drop of a word. Though to be fair, Juliet had known what was coming before the words had left Shawn's mouth. She had denied it vehemently, tried to figure out a reason as to what was really going on. A reason that didn't involve him lying to her for seven damn years. Yet, he had shown his cards before he had a chance to say a word. The way that he had danced, softly—slowly, from one foot to another, was only one of the dead giveaways. As much as she hated to admit it, the pain on his face as the words seeped from his mouth like vomit...it had hurt her to know that he was hurting. How messed up was that?

Juliet's hand grazed over to the cold, empty side of the bed. His side of the bed. Tears welled in her eyes, as her hand gripped his stale, cold pillow and pulled it against her stomach. She wanted to hate him, it was all she had asked for as she had stalked out of Lassiter's reception, the ability to hate Shawn Spencer. That had been two weeks ago, and she still hadn't been granted that ability.

Turning onto her side, Juliet let her face fall against his pillow, tears soaking it quickly, as she inhaled his remaining scent left behind, like an old battered memory. The familiar smell brought the tears quicker and faster. A sob broke through her mouth, as her body shook. It felt like this was the thousandth time she had cried in the past two weeks. She figured she would have dried up every ounce of moisture inside her body by now, but cruelly, after each sob-filled session of crying, her body would re-moisturize itself, leaving her to fall victim to the cruel action of sobbing over and over again.

Juliet tried to calm her shaking body and ebb the flow of tears. She tried to push any and all thought of Shawn Spencer from her mind, but the harder she tried the more the memories came to her. Fast and hard, causing her body to shake harder with each new memory. They came on so quickly that they weren't even like memories, merely flashes of images of all the amazing times that she had spent with Shawn. Every single time that he had done something that had, at the time, seemed like innocent flirtation, she now realized to be his awkward way of telling her how he felt.

Slowly, without her even realizing, Juliet started to drift off to sleep. Her last remaining thought was about her partner. He didn't know why Juliet had broken up with Shawn, but he knew that Shawn had done something to hurt her. The day he had found out about their breakup, and what it had done to her, Lassiter had all but threatened to shoot Shawn for hurting her. Since then, Lassiter had spent more time with her than he had his own wife. She felt horrible, monopolizing all of Lassiter's time, but Juliet knew that being alone wasn't really her best option right now.

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

"You have to believe me." Shawn prompted, tears were flush against his eyelashes, as they batted softly. His face was soft, a look of pure and excruciating heartbreak was written on his features. From the looks of him, he hadn't been sleeping. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, the light stubble that generally grazes his cheeks has grown in quite a bit, but it was the dark purple circles under his eyes that truly gave him away.

Juliet bit her lip to keep her own tears at bay. If she was completely honest with herself, she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened and wrap herself into his arms and get lost in his soft, urgent kisses. Yet, she knew that she couldn't. He had betrayed her trust, and he knew how important trust was to her. After her father...and Lloyd. Trust wasn't something that she gave out easily, and Shawn had just ripped up every ounce of trust inside of her.

"I wish I could." She said softly, unwilling to meet his eyes. She knew if she did all she would see was the beautiful sadness of his hazel colored eyes, and it would melt her heart and soul. Never in her life had Juliet ever met a man that made her feel like Shawn did.

"But, sweetheart." Shawn sighed out.

Juliet swallowed thickly, her eyes still downcast. Shawn rarely used words like sweetheart or honey, and when he did, it was when he was hurting. "You hurt me, Shawn. Do you really think I can just forgive you? Just like that?" Juliet snapped her fingers to signify just how quickly she meant.

"I understand that, baby. I do. I hurt you, and I feel lower than low for that. It was never my intention. I never, ever planned on hurting you. Hell, I never planned on falling in love with you. Not like this. Not in such a way that the thought of not being with you is killing me. I never wanted to be with someone, to be near them, as much as I have wanted to be with you. I never lied about how I feel about you, Jules. You are my everything, and I honestly don't know how I can live without you in my life." Shawn sighed, as he swiped his jacket clad arm against his face, drying the tears that continued to fall. "I never asked you for your forgiveness. That is up to you to give me, if and when you think I've earned it. I would never force you into forgiving me, Jules. All I'm asking for is for you to believe me. For you to believe that I had absolutely no choice."

Juliet sniffled lightly, she sighed. "It's not my disbelief in you, Shawn. If you say that you did it to save your ass, then fine, I believe you. I don't think that you would drag Gus and your father into this mess if it wasn't for a very good reason. That doesn't change the fact that you lied to me for years about it."

Shawn took a tentative step forward, his arms were held out in an attempt to grab a hold of Juliet's shoulders, but one look at her made him realize that wasn't a good idea. Instead, he dropped his arms, a look of defeat clouded his face, and he sighed. "Only to protect you. I had already dragged Gus and my dad into this mess. Vick was swearing to me that if I was lying she'd lock me up, I could only assume that she'd do the same with Gus and my dad for being my accomplices. I couldn't bare the thought of risking, not only your job, but your life. If you knew that truth and you didn't turn me in...she could've done the same with you. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't."

Juliet groaned, everything that he was saying. It all sounded exactly right. It all sounded perfect, but Juliet couldn't get the feeling to leave her that he was lying—or hiding something else.

"I just can't do this right now, Shawn. I need space—time."

He nodded, "Alright. Okay. I can do that. I-" He paused, as he swiped a hand through his hair, "how do I do that?" he asked.

Juliet shrugged, the next words out of her mouth were bound to break both of their hearts into pieces but they needed to be said. "I think you should move out, Shawn."

Running a hand over his face, he nodded. "I'll see if Gus will let me crash at his place." He mumbled, as he turned to leave. He stopped mid-step and cocked his head. He stared at Juliet for a moment, "This won't be the end of us. I won't let it."

Juliet's eyes snapped open as she sat up in her bed. Shawn's pillow still clutched in her arms. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I just want to hate him." Juliet mumbled, as she gripped his pillow tightly in her fist, flinging it across the room. "Please, just let me hate him."

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Shawn stared at the wall in Gus' apartment. Tears on his lashes, having not yet fallen, and a bottle of beer clutched in his hand. Gus had long since hidden all of the harder stuff, and Shawn found it nearly impossible to get drunk off the awful amber liquid in the glass bottle.

He tried to think of how it had gotten so bad. If only he hadn't given Juliet his jacket. Shawn sighed, and shook his head. It did him no good to travel down the road of what if's. Not to mention that his secret would have come out one way or another, at least this way Juliet didn't have to find out in front of everyone. It was the one positive in a week full of heartache and hell.

Shawn hadn't forgotten his promise. This wouldn't be the end of their relationship, it couldn't be. Not when he loved her like he had never loved anyone else. Juliet was the only woman that he actually saw himself having a future with. Shawn had never willingly moved in with any of his other previous girlfriends. That had to count for something.

Heaving a sigh, Shawn sat down his beer bottle before pulling himself into a standing position. He eyed the clock and noted the time. She was probably asleep, but he had to see her. He had given her a week. Had refused every case the chief had thrown his way in his way of giving her the space she had so asked for.

He looked at his keys and groaned. He wasn't stupid, while he wasn't drunk, he knew it would be better if he didn't attempt to ride his motorcycle in his inebriated state. Grabbing his jacket on his way out the door, Shawn pulled it on and started walking toward Juliet's house. He was going to win back his girl if it was the last thing he did.

Juliet opened a groggy eye, trying to figure out when she had fallen asleep again. She eyed the clock and moaned. A knock sounded on the door, and she realized that the sound was what had woken her. She became more aware, as she grabbed her gun from her nightstand drawer and stood up. She walked in quick steps toward the door and peered through the peep hole. She groaned.

"Shawn. Go away."

She heard as his body leaned heavily against the door. "Please, Jules, let me in. I just want to talk."

Juliet laughed mirthlessly. "Well, I don't. So go back to Gus'." She heard the obvious slur in his words, and knew he had been drinking.

Shawn placed his palm against the surface of the door, his face twisting against it. "That's the beauty of talking, Jules. If you don't want to, you don't have to. All I need you to do is listen, can you do that?"

Juliet sighed, "No, Shawn. Don't make me call Gus."

Shawn sighed. "I gave you a week, Jules. You asked for time, and I gave it to you. I turned down multiple cases from the chief in an effort to give you the space that you wanted. Please, just hear me out. Please." Shawn begged.

Juliet slowly felt her resolve falling away. She was exhausted, constantly haunted by Shawn's face in her dreams, and she didn't have the energy to fight him any longer. Instead of answering him, she merely unlocked the door and pulled it open, allowing him entrance into her house.

Shawn staggered slightly, his eyes bloodshot, as he weaved his way to the couch and plopped down. He propped his head on his elbows that sat on his knees. Slowly, he rubbed his hands against his face. Perhaps he made the wrong decision doing this when he was under the influence of alcohol. Sighing, he looked up at Juliet.

"I am in pain, Jules. It hurts every single day that we're apart. Every single part of me longs to be near you. To see you. To touch you. Every day that we're apart, it's like one more part of myself breaks away, and I can't take the pain any longer. When I said that it was never my intention of hurting you, I was being honest. I never meant to fall in love with you. That was never part of the plan. Then you waltz into my life with your cute, adorable little quirks. That gorgeous smile and infectious laugh, and you turned my world upside down. I had to protect you, so I lied. I wish it hadn't been so easy, but I do know that the more I got to know you...the closer we got, the harder the lying became. I never wanted to hurt you, I was trying to protect you from being hurt, but all you've done since you found out is hurt me. Intentional or not, it all hurts the same." He sighed, her expression was unreadable, and he stood up, unable to take sitting still any longer. "If you don't want to be with me anymore...if you don't love me anymore, I get it. Just say the word, and I'll leave. But, Jules, no matter how I do what I do, it's a good thing. I put criminals...murderers behind bars. So, yes, I lie about how I do it, but that shouldn't matter so long as I'm getting results."

Juliet sighed, her eyes fell to the carpet. "Shawn..."

"Just...if you're going to breakup with me, promise me one thing. Don't implicate Gus or my dad. I don't care what happens to me, but I don't want them to pay for something that I did."

Juliet looked up at him, the defeated look on his face and the pain in his eyes caused her wall to drop and the mask to fall away. Her face crumpled as tears slid down her cheeks.

"I want to hate you. I want nothing more than to hate you—or better yet, to not feel anything, but I can't, Shawn. I love you too much to hate you. That's why it hurts so badly! I trusted you more than anyone else in this entire world...even more than Carlton, and that is a lot, Shawn. I should trust him the most in this world because he's my partner. He is the only other person standing between me and potential death, but that's not how I feel. You broke that trust, and I don't know that you'll ever be able to win it back. It hurts too badly." She sighed, "I'm not going to say anything to anyone. I wouldn't do that to you. Like you said, it doesn't matter how you do it, you get the job done and that's all that matters. It doesn't change the fact that you blatantly lied to me continuously for so long. I'm not willing to forgive that right now, Shawn, and I don't know if I'll ever be willing. I just—I need space. If you want to keep working for the chief that's fine. I don't expect you to give up something that you love doing, but I would rather if you didn't talk to me about anything outside of any potential cases that we might be working. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to forgive you. Maybe, I'll be able to give you another chance, but until then, Shawn. Just leave me be, please."

Shawn nodded, "Okay. Just know, Jules, that I'm holding you to your maybe and I'll wait for you. You're it for me. So I'm willing to wait as long as it takes." He sighed, running a hand over his head again, before making a move toward the door. It wasn't fixed, and he didn't know if it ever would be truly fixed, but it was a start in the right direction. He wouldn't give up. If it was the last thing he did, he would win his girl's heart again.