Chapter 24

Natalie found herself pacing back and forth across the living room. Glancing at the clock on the mantle every time she passed it by. It was almost two in the morning. Michael had texted her from the hotel that he had found John's truck parked outside. She knew he would go to the roof. That was where he always used to go to think. For whatever reason, he felt he couldn't come home so it was only logical he would go there.

It broke her heart to think he thought he couldn't come home. How many times has she cried on his shoulder and raged and yell and threw things in the sanctity of their bedroom? He never judged her for it. He held her until she cried herself out. Would he not think she would do the same?

At that moment, the door opened. Michael stepped through then aside and waited for John to trudge in. Natalie waited spinning her wedding rings around her finger. She stopped herself from gasping when she saw him.

He looked horrible, haggard and rough. She could smell him from the middle of the living room. She waited for him to meet her eyes with his but, he kept his toward the floor. Natalie glanced at Michael and he nodded at her.

"John," she said softly. He finally looked up and met her eyes with his. She didn't expect the torment and anguish she saw there. She didn't know what to say to him. She just looked back at him fiercely trying to convey just how much she loved him. He moved quickly across the room, gently but firmly pulling her into his arms. He held her as tightly and as closely as he dared without hurting her. Natalie slid her arms around his neck and held him close as well, looking over his shoulder to mouth 'thank you' to Michael who simply gave her a nod and a wave as he closed the door behind him.

They held each other for what seemed like to Natalie a long time. Finally pulling back from him she asked, "can I run you a bath?" She wasn't prepared for the chuckle he let out.

"A bath?" He asked, he hadn't expected her to say that.

"Well, you always run me one when I've….had a bad day," she smiled softly at him, "it helps me, it might help you."

"Will you get in with me?" John asked her softly, he just wanted to hold her that was all.

Natalie laughed, "I'm not sure the three of us will fit," she said pulling back further to rub her swollen belly.

John reached out slowly and touched her stomach. Tears filled his eyes, "I'm sorry," he said quietly, "you should be in bed resting." He pulled away and ran a hand over his face, "I'm so sorry." He repeated.

"No, it's ok. I understand," she told him, "I was just…so worried. I called Susan, she told me what happened today."

All John could do was nod. "I've seen…pictures but, I can't even imagine," she said, her own tears gathering.

"Yeah," John wiped his face, his voice cracking, "it was….it was bad. A boy. Nine months old."

"Yeah, Michael told me that," she gazed up at him, "I'm so sorry John."

"I should have come home. I should have called. It was irresponsible and uh…I'm just sorry," he said looking her in the eye, "it won't happen again."

"Did you think I wouldn't understand?" She asked gently but confused. She had hoped that she didn't give him the feeling that he couldn't talk to her.

"No, I don't know, you know…I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you not the other way around," he told her, looking everywhere but at her.

"John, I always thought we were in this together. We take care of each other," the confusion still written all over her face, "where is this coming from?"

"I don't know," he walked past her to the window, his anger returning, "I just want everything back the way it was….for that brief moment before it all fell apart. Before I left you, before Sean got sick, before Marty fucking Saybroke walked into our living room and her husband dropped that bomb that Kaitlin was still alive on me."

Surprised by the anger in his voice, she walked up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist, "we can't go back John, we can only go forward."

"I know," he closed his eyes and sighed. He rubbed his hand over hers where she was holding him, "let's get you to bed. You need to get some rest."

Natalie waited standing at the bottom of the stairs and waited while he locked the door and set the alarm. She held up one hand as he came back toward her, "you are going to at least shower, aren't you? I could smell you the moment you walk in the house."

"I thought you were going to run me a bath?" He asked in mock shock, trying to lighten the dark mood he created. She grabbed his hand and lead him upstairs. Instead of a bath, she started the shower for him. She helped him take off his clothes, then he helped her with hers. Standing under the spray of the shower he told her again how sorry he was and she in turned showed him how much she loved him.

~jolie~

There were a lot of special moments in his life that John would never forget. Some good, some bad. The day that baby was found would be one. The day his father died. The day he joined the FBI. The day he met Natalie. The day each of his children were born. And this one would be no exception.

Each child came into this world a different way. Liam, up at Asa Buchanan's cabin in the woods….breach. Alana, premature in a London hospital and Sean on the floor of Rodi's very, very quickly.

This one however would be well planned out. They would induce Natalie in the morning and if it came as quickly as it's brothers and sister did, it would be here by lunch time. John woke hours before the alarm and laid there watching his wife sleep. Something he hadn't done in a long time. He used to tease her that she was a 'bed hog'. Soon after they would climb into bed she would be wound around him, almost pinning him down.

She had always been like that, even years ago. The first night they spend together on the roof of the hotel, he had woke before her. She was practically on top of him. He never really minded even though he teased her about it. It made him feel safe, although he would never admit it out loud. The exception to all of this of course would be when she was pregnant. He laughed quietly, she couldn't really reach him. She was more comfortable with a pillow between her knees and sometimes one under her belly, which didn't leave much room for him.

He couldn't help it, he had to touch her. He reached over and smoothed the hair of her forehead. Natalie was usually a very hard sleeper so he was surprised when her sleepy eyes blinked up at him.

"Hey," she said groggily, trying to shift closer to him, "what time is it?

"Not time to get up yet," he responded, running his hand over her side.

"Then why are we awake?" She asked with a smile, her eyes still closed.

"Savoring the quiet while it lasts," he smiled back at her. He ran his fingers deeper through her hair.

"After today," she said opening her eyes, "we are going to have four kids…..I can hardly believe it."

John scoffed in agreement, rolling onto his back. "Who would have ever thought huh? After the way we started out?" He rubbed a hand over his face.

"Are you happy John?" Natalie asked, her voice dead serious.

He looked over at her surprised she would ask him that. He sat up on his side and leaned over on his elbow. His finger's finding her hair again coming to rest on her cheek, "happier than I ever imagined." He placed a kiss on her forehead. Pulling back he watched as her smile reappeared.

"Good," she said, "it's about to get bumpier you know," her eyebrows raised in question at him. Before he could answer he heard Sean stirring and crying a little softly on the monitor.

"I am aware," he replied smirking at her, then getting up to attend to his son.

She watched John leave the room. He loved his children, no question but, sometimes her insecurities surfaced without warning. Sometimes she wondered if all of this was more than he'd bargained for. He was definitely not the same man she'd met all of those years ago. She snorted, and yet he was. The loner in him was gone, she supposed that was it.

She, herself had never thought about being a mother until she met Christian. It wasn't her dream as a child to have four kids. While she loved Christian and Jared still in a way, she was glad John was the father of her children. She couldn't imagine anything being any different for them. It almost was though, if Marty hadn't lost her baby, Natalie wasn't sure they would have gotten another chance. John says he doesn't believe that but, Natalie did. He would have stayed with Marty until Marty asked him to leave.

Was it selfish of her to be thankful things worked out the way they did? She wasn't sure but, she was thankful. So very thankful to have her family and she prayed to God he let them all stay together.