True to Your Heart

Mordred's eyes widened as he stepped into the townhouse and looked around. The country house was bigger, but this was another level of luxury. Elia sighed as she dropped her small carryall on the floor and headed straight back to the kitchen, obviously on the hunt for something strong to drink.

"You live here too?" Mordred asked, looking over at Merlin.

"It's… ehm… one of our places," Merlin said, following Elia back. "We're out at the country house more than we are here."

"How many homes do you need?" Mordred asked, following Merlin.

"We have a lot of stuff that we've acquired over the years," Merlin said tiredly as he stepped into the kitchen, seeing that Elia had already poured herself a stiff drink. Her eyebrows rose as she looked at Merlin's face, down at the bottle and then back up at him, silently asking if he wanted a drink as well. He nodded and sat on a stool as she got more glasses and started making him one as well.

"So, she's back. And she has magic," Elia said, dropping the glass in front of him after they all waited in silence.

"We were considering that option," Merlin said before taking a sip. Elia nodded.

"But there's a chance that she might not be at full strength," Elia said. "She only just got her magic back."

"If she's got it back, she's got it back," Merlin said. "We need to go in prepared." He looked over at Mordred. "I may need your help." Mordred's eyes widened as he looked down at his hands.

"My help?" he asked.

"Yes. It may take two of us with magic to take her down if she's at her full strength," Merlin said, watching him curiously. Mordred looked up at Merlin. "I know that it's confusing and you were on her side last time around, but even you have to admit that whatever she's planning, it can't be good."

Mordred nodded and looked down at the floor. He was conflicted. He was still coming to terms with his old memories. With what he had done. With what Arthur had done. There was still some loyalty for Morgana, but the more he spoke with Bridget and thought about it, the more he questioned which side he was on. He didn't feel particularly comfortable on either.

What's more, there was the matter of his magic. Merlin seemed to think that along with his memories, his magic had completely returned. But it hadn't. Much like Morgana had not retained her magic when her memories had returned, he hadn't as well. He had felt a spark of it the night that they brought his memories back, but every time he tried to use it, nothing happened.

"What is it?" Elia asked, stepping over to him. "Something's wrong." Mordred looked up at her, his eyes wide.

"I…" he started. "Just… you know that… it's hard with…"

"You haven't gotten your magic back," Elia said, cutting him off. He looked over at Bridget and then back at Elia, wondering if perhaps the elves could read minds. Even Bridget seemed to know what he was thinking and feeling more often than not.

"How did you know?" he asked. "Did you read my mind?"

"We can't do that. But I'm very good at reading people. Side effect of being alive for as long as I have," Elia said. "Er, well… suppose all of us can do it." Mordred sighed and nodded.

"I've tried, but… it's just not there. Sometimes I can almost feel it, but it's as though it's just beyond my grasp," he admitted. Elia glanced at Merlin and then back at Mordred.

"I wonder… perhaps we should have Marissa do the spell. Get you your magic back," Elia offered. The room went silent, though Mordred could see that Merlin was a bit conflicted. He looked over at Bridget, who was hopeful. Mordred thought it over as he looked down at his hands again. While he wanted his magic back, he wasn't sure if he was ready to face Morgana yet. Not while he was still trying to figure things out. Elia frowned slightly, sensing his hesitation.

"Perhaps we should wait," Bridget offered. "He's still getting used to… everything." Mordred looked over, offering a small smile of gratitude.

"Might not be a bad idea," Elia said, stepping over to grab the two drinks and then handing them to Bridget and Mordred. "In that case, I think it better that just Merlin and I go to the meeting with Marissa and Trevor." Mordred nodded as he took a drink. Merlin sighed and looked at Elia.

"We need a plan then," he said.

"Go early. Hide. Then surprise her," Elia said simply as she leaned against the counter. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Think we need a bit more than that," he replied.

"Go early. Hide. Then you hit her with some sort of spell that incapacitates her," Elia said, smiling cheekily at him. "I can always bring a sword if you think we'll need it. Or would my bow work better?" Merlin sighed and shook his head. "Seriously, Merlin. We just need to hide and then take her unawares. Warn the others beforehand so they are ready to either fight or get out of the way."

Merlin thought it over before nodding.

"Needs finetuning, but I suppose we don't have to come up with something right this minute," he said. He glanced over at Mordred, who was nervously sipping at his drink, and then over at Bridget, who was worriedly watching Mordred.

He was worried about him as well. They probably should have left him back at the country house, granted no one knew that they would run into Morgana. There was likely a lot on the young man's mind and he doubted he wanted to talk about it with Merlin and Elia there.

"Lia, join me outside?" he asked, standing up and walking towards the patio. Elia looked at him strangely before following him.

"Something wrong?" she asked once they stood in the back garden. "If this is because you don't trust Mordred-"

"That's not it," Merlin said. "Well… I'm still working on that, but I just felt that Mordred would prefer to talk to Bridget rather than us." Elia glanced back into the house.

"You caught that as well?" she asked. Merlin looked down at her, frowning.

"That they are close, yes," he said. Elia chuckled as she looked up at him.

"Fair bit more than that, I'd say," she said. "For Bridget, at least. Though I suspect there is something there on Mordred's part as well." Merlin raised an eyebrow at her before glancing back into the house.

"Bridget and Mordred… did not see that coming," he replied, turning to look out at the garden. Elia chuckled.

"I did," she replied. Merlin looked down at her, his eyes wide. "Not like that… just… when I saw them together, I just… got a feeling that would happen. And well… they were friends… before everything…"

"Sure Mordred's a bit confused in that regard. He just got his memories back of Kara, but now there's Bridget," Merlin commented. Elia sighed and leaned her head against Merlin.

"Suppose we should just let that work itself out…"

"Are you alright?" Bridget asked softly as she sat next to Mordred on a stool. He nodded, though continued to stare at the glass on the counter in front of him. Bridget glanced at the patio door and then looked over at Mordred. She reached over and took his hand. "Do you want to talk about it?" Mordred swallowed and held onto her hand tightly. But then he suddenly let it go.

"Did you know that Morgana was back?" he asked softly. Bridget looked down at her hands.

"Yes," she said softly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I… I wanted to. I was going to that night in the garden," she said.

"But you didn't," he said. Bridget turned to look at him.

"I swear to you, I was going to tell you," she said. "Even though the others did not want me to. Not yet. We were all going to tell you. Had to. But we were not sure of the right time..."

"Afraid I'd run off to her again, were you?" he asked, his voice slightly bitter. "Fill her in on everything."

"I never thought you would betray us," she said, shaking her head. "Not once."

He glanced at her before bringing the glass to his lips and taking a long drink.

"Merlin still does," he said. "That's why he and Elia are out planning without me around. Why they don't want me there. They're worried I'll tell her everything." Bridget shook her head again.

"Of course not," she said, placing a hand on his arm. "We don't think that. I certainly don't think that-"

"I bloody killed a man, Bridget!" he shouted, pushing off from the stool and started to pace. "King Arthur, of all people. And I'm forever remembered as a villain of the story! While everyone just… glosses over what he did! What his father did!"

Bridget froze as she watched him. She had been hoping this would not happen, but she wasn't completely surprised. He had been taking everything so well. It was odd there had been no blowback. But at the same time, she worried about it. And that it could potentially push him away again.

"He's remembered as some great king," Mordred continued. "But no one talks about all the cruel things he did-"

"Yes, he's made mistakes, but… there was a lot of good that he did do," she said, cutting him off. "There was eventually peace because of the groundwork that he made. Guinevere continued his work and openly accepted magic in Camelot… And he has accepted magic now."

"Are you sure about that?" Mordred asked. Bridget frowned.

"He accepted us. He's accepted Merlin," she said.

"Of course, you'd take his side," Mordred said, stopping to glare at her.

"What side should I be on?" she asked. "Morgana's? You speak of Arthur's cruelty, but do not pretend that she was any better."

"All she wanted was for our kind to survive," he replied.

"At what cost?" Bridget shot back. "She wanted to kill Merlin and is he not someone with magic? She would have moved against the elves if we did not bow to her will!" Mordred didn't reply. Bridget then shook her head. "That does not matter. The only side that matters is yours. And I am on your side, Mordred."

He stared at her a moment as a tense silence came over the room.

"I can understand Morgana's fear – I should know. We too lived in fear of Uther Pendragon. And we too feared Arthur for a time," she said. "But we did not wish to destroy them to get our freedom. If they provoked us, yes, we would have fought back. But Queen Elia wanted peace – so she reached out and attempted diplomacy first."

"You honestly think diplomacy would have worked with Uther?" Mordred asked incredulously.

"No, it likely would not have. But she sensed a compassion in Arthur that his father lacked. Compassion that Morgana lost. If she had been allowed to continue, she would have destroyed everything to get what she wanted," Bridget said. "Her heart was corrupted by darkness and… I do not wish to see that same darkness consume you again."

"Why do you even care what happens to me?" he asked coldly. "No one else seems to. They're all waiting for me to go back to her or try and kill Arthur again."

"Because I care about you!" Bridget replied, her frustration getting the better of her. Mordred laughed harshly.

"You care about me? You barely know me. And I barely know you! For all I know you've been keeping an eye on me this whole time just to appease them," he said, motioning towards the back garden. "Or, I don't know. Maybe this is you acting out of guilt. You couldn't stop me from killing Arthur before, so maybe you'll succeed this time. But maybe you just need to realize that you can't save everyone."

Bridget stared at him, feeling as though she had been slapped in the face. She blinked rapidly, feeling the tears building up. Did he really doubt that her affection for him was real? Did he think this was all an act or something she did out of guilt? She had thought they were beyond that, though it appeared that she was wrong.

"You're right. I can't save everyone," she said softly, feeling the fight start to leave her. "And while I did feel some guilt, I'm not doing this because of that or even because they want me to… I do have feelings for you, though now I'm wondering if they were ill placed." She then turned and walked away, hoping to make it to the solitude of her room before the tears poured out. She didn't stop when she heard him start to follow her, reaching the front stairs and running up them before he could catch up to her.

"Please. Stop," Mordred said, now in the front foyer, his voice softer. She paused on the stairs and looked down at him. "I'm… I'm sorry. I'm being a git..."

"No need. You were just speaking your mind," she said, straightening her back. "If you'll excuse me." She started up the stairs again.

"It's confusing," he continued, staring up at her. "Everything… I just… I know what you said about Morgana is right, but she was kind to me when Arthur… but Arthur also helped me… and then Kara… and you." Bridget stopped again, staring at the stairs in front of her. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Bridget finally looked over, seeing the turmoil in his eyes. He was looking around the foyer as though it would hold some sort of answer for him while running his fingers through his hair. When he could find none, he looked back up, meeting Bridget's eyes.

"I feel like I'm two people at once and I don't know which one I should be," he confessed. Bridget turned and walked back down the stairs, stopping in front of him.

"You are both Lucas and Mordred," she said. "But I do not think this is a bad thing. I think, I think that you can be the best of both."

"Doesn't really help much," he said, his brow furrowed. Bridget swallowed and stepped closer, bringing her hands up to cup his face.

"Whoever you are or choose to be, I see who you really are," she said, peering into his eyes. "A sorcerer and a man capable of great kindness and loyalty. More than that, you can still choose to rise above everything that has happened. Let the past stay in the past. Let it go."

Mordred thought about Morgana. She had shown him kindness, yes. But in the end he had allowed his pain and desire for revenge to take over him. She had only encouraged it. And it had been for nothing in the end. They had ultimately failed. But even he had to admit after learning everything that had happened after that last battle, he wasn't so sure that Morgana's world would have been a better one. Perhaps the right side had won, despite everything.

Mordred then couldn't help as flashes of his last conversation with Kara flew through his mind. But at the same time, he knew that he needed to let her go. Kara had been gone a very long time and he felt as though she would not be coming back. And standing in front of him was a woman who was willing to believe the best in him despite everything else that the others thought or said.

He felt his heart rate start to speed up slightly as he gazed down at Bridget, suddenly realizing just how close they were. While he would admit that he had done a bit of flirting that night in the garden, he didn't realize until that moment just how much he needed and wanted her at his side. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe her - that he could be a better version of himself. That he could be and was someone different.

"Do you think the others will ever look past what I did?" he asked softly.

"Does it matter?" Bridget asked.

"It would help," he said truthfully. "But I suppose just as long as you do, that's something."

Her eyes widened slightly as he started leaning towards her, his eyes not leaving hers. While there were plenty of times over the years that Cameron had tried to steal a kiss, she had always sidestepped him just in time. But this was different - she wanted Mordred to kiss her. She started leaning towards him as well, her eyes fluttering closed as she waited to feel his lips on hers.

Then the door slammed and the two flew apart as they heard laughter from the back of the house.

"You know you liked it!" Elia said loudly.

"Did not!" Merlin replied, though there was a hint of laughter in his voice. There was the sound of ice falling into a glass and then a bottle moving across the counter as the two continued talking. Bridget stood still, holding her breath as she waited until she heard the door open and close again, Merlin and Elia's playful argument now no longer within hearing range.

"I… I should get to bed. Goodnight, Mordred," Bridget said quickly before turning and running up the stairs, her cheeks a bright red.

Mordred watched her go - part of him wanted to follow and pick up the kiss where they had left off. But the other part told him to give her space. With a sigh, he turned and walked back to the kitchen.

Perhaps another drink would help the swirling mess that was now occupying his mind.

An hour later, Elia and Merlin made their way into the house, stopping as they saw Mordred still seated at the bar in the kitchen, a half-empty glass in front of him. He slowly turned to look at them.

"Bridget go to bed, then?" Elia asked.

"Yea, some time ago," he said, turning back to his drink. Elia looked over at Merlin, who only stared blankly back at her. She rolled her eyes and then nodded her head towards him, silently telling him to go talk to the young man. Merlin shook his head quickly but stopped when Elia started glaring at him. Sighing he finally nodded and started across the room.

"I'll just head up then. Night, Mordred," Elia said brightly before leaving the room. Merlin scowled at her retreating back before clearing his face and pulling out the stool next to Mordred.

"Care to talk about it?" he asked, reaching for the bottle and pouring a bit more of the amber liquid into the glass.

"About what?" Mordred asked, not looking at him.

"Whatever's got you looking glum and confused," Merlin replied before taking a sip. Mordred looked over at him, confused as to why he would want to listen to whatever was going on in his head. "Something happen with Bridget?"

"Why would you care?" Mordred said, returning his attention to his glass as a sense of deja vu came over him. Merlin shrugged.

"Just thought it could help," Merlin said casually. Mordred glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. After everything that had happened between them – all those years that Merlin was suspicious of him – he almost couldn't believe that he was sitting here offering to listen to his troubles as though he were an old friend.

"Why are you being so nice right now?" he asked. "You hated me before…"

"I didn't hate you," Merlin said quickly. Mordred just gave him a look. "Well, fair. I had been told not to trust you. That you would try to kill Arthur and that I had to stop you. It was my whole destiny to help him become a great king. But I don't hate you now. That was a long time ago."

"Morgana could have been a great queen," Mordred said. Rather than glare at him, Merlin just shrugged, not wanting to waste energy on a fight at the moment.

"Maybe? She wasn't really doing so well in the 'get people to trust her' department. As you remember. Even you were on our side for a time. Well… until-"

"Arthur murdered Kara," Mordred said.

"Yea… that," Merlin said. He glanced at him and then sighed heavily. "For what it's worth, I am sorry… and I did try to talk him out of it." Mordred didn't say anything, just continued to stare at his glass. "I wish it could have been different…"

"But it wasn't," Mordred said.

"I understand. I know that there's not much I would have done differently had it been Elia," Merlin said with a sigh. Mordred looked over at him, his brow furrowed.

"Really?"

"Love makes us do mad things, my friend," Merlin said as he lifted his glass to his lips, thinking back over the many, many years he and Elia had been together. "Really mad things."

Mordred fell silent again, back to studying his glass as Merlin watched him. While he was sure there was a lot going on in his head at the moment, the fact that he was sitting here alone made him wonder if something had happened with Bridget.

"Did you by chance have an argument with Bridget?" Merlin finally asked. Mordred looked over at him, his eyes wide.

"I… what?" he asked.

"I assumed you would be more comfortable talking with her, which is why I pulled Lia outside," he admitted. Mordred just stared at him a bit longer, not expecting that to be the reason they left them alone. "Since she's not here, figured…"

"Well… yea," Mordred admitted, finding it an easy subject to discuss rather than his embattled thoughts about Morgana. "It's just… I was already feeling something for her before I got my memories back. But then I remembered Kara… and with everything going on and all the other things…" Merlin sighed heavily.

"I'm sure it's not easy," he said. "I'll admit that I felt a bit guilty when I realized I had feelings for Elia… I was in love with someone else before that, but she had died years before… But… I think she would have wanted me to move on and be happy. If that helps."

Mordred looked at Merlin again, not knowing about that story.

"Your first love died?" he asked. Merlin nodded.

"We were only together for a very short time," he said. "But it didn't change the fact that I loved her and it was incredibly painful when she died. However… I was still alive and had much more life to experience. So, I opened myself up to once again experiencing love." He studied Mordred for a moment, seeing a few different emotions fly across his face.

Merlin stood and emptied his glass. He then placed a comforting hand on Mordred's shoulder.

"Trust me… living in the present is much more rewarding than living in the past," he said, offering him a small smile. He then put the glass on the counter and started towards the doorway. "Get some sleep. It's been a long day."

"Sure," Mordred said. "And Merlin…" The warlock stopped, turning to look at him. "Thanks." Merlin smiled.

"Don't mention it," he said before turning and leaving.

Mordred emptied the contents of his glass and sat it back down before standing. He was still confused and torn. But a small part of him felt somewhat settled. Perhaps it was time to move on.

I'll admit, I've written the two main conversations in this chapter about 20 times at this point, but I feel pretty happy with the final version. Plus, this chapter was getting way too long (it was originally the opening to the next chapter, but I had to split it up since it was sooo long even in the first draft). And there is more to come in regards to Mordred and his conflicted feelings.

OechsnerC – All I'll say is… just wait… it's not the end of the story yet and there's a lot to come.

AndreKl – Haha, as I said… there's a lot more to come.

Thanks everyone for reading, following and reviewing!