Enjoy ;)

Wanderlust

(Twenty Two)

The morning light streamed through the window as Greg sat watching wisps of steam escaping from the top of his coffee mug. The dark liquid swirled against the china in the way his thoughts seemed to rattle around his mind imposing on everything around him. Perhaps it was time to finally come clean- to confess everything?

He had barely slept the night before- he had laid away his eyes focused on the ceiling as he thought about everything that had happened. And as Morgan appeared at the door, a lump building in his throat as he realised that he had made a decision. He couldn't pretend that there was nothing wrong- he couldn't go along with the charade that everything was perfect and had fallen into place.

Greg wondered how Morgan hadn't been able to see through the emptiness with which he approached her. Had she seen it and hoped that perhaps it would fade?

"Morgan...There's something I need to tell you" The words were like sandpaper on his tongue as he kept his eyes focused on anything but her.

"That sounds ominous!" She smiled at him unassumingly pottering about the kitchen making breakfast.

"Please...sit down...I just..." Greg stumbled over his words as he realised this confession was going to be more painful than he had ever imagined it to be.

"Okay...what's going on?" Morgan asked with raised eyebrows as she sat herself down opposite him.

"I've done some things that I need to tell you about" It sounded so vague, so meaningless when it meant so much to him.

"Greg, you're scaring me. Tell me." She looked at him wide eyed.

"I slept with Sara...I've been sleeping with Sara" The words fell like rainfall in the kitchen.

"You... Are you serious?"He could see the anger bubbling beneath the surface.

"Yes. And I can't marry you pretending that it didn't happen. That I'm not in love with her."

"You're in love with her? And you wait till now to tell me this?" She snapped.

"I've been in love with her for twelve years...and I thought I could move on...but I can't..." He felt so defeated, so exhausted.

"So what was this then? Make believe? You've lied to me all this time?"

"No. Morgan I really like you" Greg spluttered.

"'LIKE' you LIKE me? Greg, we're having a massive party tonight, with all our friends and family. It is the first time my parents have been able to be in the same room together since I was 12 and we're supposed to go out there and say we 'like' each other?" She was on her feet now pacing beside him while Greg sat watching her trying to understand where they stood.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I can't...I don't want to lie to you anymore"

"I can't do this right now..."

"What are you saying?" Greg struggled to understand what was happening between them.

"We...we have to go ahead with the party. We can't send everyone away...we can't cancel everything...we can deal with this tomorrow." Morgan announced.

"Do you really think that's for the best?" He looked at her wide eyed.

"You owe me this. You've been pretending all this time...one more night can't hurt." She spat at him.

"Do you want me to call Sara...tell her not to come?" His voice was weak and the mention of Sara's name wasn't helping the situation.

"Does she... does she feel the same way about you?" Morgan sobbed leaning against the wall.

"She thinks...She wants me to be happy..." Greg shrugged.

"What does that mean?"

"She loves me...We love each other...but things between us have always been so difficult so complicated...When Grissom caught us...it destroyed Sara... and she never moved on from that" He soon realised he'd given away more than he had intended to.

"How long has this been going on? You've...you've always been with Sara?"

"No...We broke things off when I started seeing you...but it...it just happened..." He realised he couldn't explain the things that went on between them in words.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me... I really thought you were different." The words were almost a whimper.

"I'm so sorry Morgan- I wanted to tell you. But every time...there was always something happening...someone looking over our shoulders..." He realised that he couldn't justify what had happened, there was no way he could.

"You're a coward. You're just like every other spineless man out there, too afraid to tell the truth, too stupid to keep their hands to themselves. Sara will be at the party, I can't bear to answer questions about why she's not. She'll be there and it will be fine and tomorrow...tomorrow it's over and you can do whatever the hell you like." Morgan shot at him turning to leave the room.

Greg could hear her sobs as she made her way up stairs, the sound of their bedroom door slamming making him flinch as he realised that he had destroyed everything he had based his life upon. He wondered if this was how Sara had felt that night.

He eventually managed to pick himself up from the breakfast table, making his way to his study realising that the best thing he could do for now was to stay out of Morgan's way. Greg knew that he should have told her earlier, but everything between them had happened so fast he could barely keep up.

All of his attempts at slowing things down were disregarded by the number of steps they were taking forward.

But it was wrong to keep leading Morgan on when he knew he didn't love her. It struck Greg that he had convinced himself that he would one day, but it was a lie.