The group reached the temple and gaped at the great limestone structure before them. Inside, they found what would've otherwise been pitch black corridors lit by glowing crystal formations. "Ooh…look at these," said Lana in awe.
"Yes, they're…" the Doctor began.
"Orion rocks, I know," interrupted Lana, pleased with herself that her nights in the TARDIS library were starting to become useful. "Part of the natural geology."
"Well in some parts of the universe they are considered highly valuable," added the Doctor.
"More valuable than diamonds," agreed Lana. "And with properties to allow them to work as fuel, but most cultures worship them."
"What's the point in having you along if you can't be impressed when I show you new things?" said the Doctor with a slight pout as a lock of hair flopped into his eyes.
"I am impressed," said Lana defensively with a slightly sarcastic tone. "I'm very impressed by the rocks."
"This is so cool," said Annie gleefully. "It's like an outer space Indiana Jones."
"Right, well we're looking for the cause of the energy disturbance," said the Doctor as he scanned around with his sonic. "Lana, come with me; Jack, you and Annie can check down that corridor and we can all meet back here."
"I'll go with Jack," Lana cut in, moving to stand next to him. "Those two won't behave if they're left alone."
"Excuse me," said Annie, her voice dripping with disdain, "but last time you said that, it was you who ended up making out with him, stabbing him, and ripping apart half a spaceship."
"It's not my fault I was possessed by an impulse entity," Lana shot back, taking a menacing step toward her sister with an icy glare.
"You're just trying to keep Jack all to yourself," Annie accused, also stepping forward.
"Oh you would know all about that now wouldn't you?" Lana retorted, her voice rising.
"Ladies, ladies," Jack cut in, "there is plenty of me to go around."
"You can stay out of this," they snapped in unison, turning their twin glares momentarily in his direction.
"Annie," the Doctor interjected with a sigh. "Why are you chasing after him anyway? Weren't you just left at the altar?"
Annie rounded on him with a sharp menacing glare. "Let's get a couple things straight," she said in a low growl. "First, I left him. Second, if you ever bring up my wedding again, I will punch you right in the face. Got it?"
"Yes," said the Doctor calmly, by now used to Annie's threats. "But let's get back to the point at hand and find the source of these energy fluctuations."
"You're right, Doctor, let's get down to business," said Lana smugly. "I'm going with Jack."
Annie stomped back over to her sister with her fist outstretched. Lana, seeing her approach, held her own fist out. "Blimey, they don't let up, do they?" the Doctor muttered, cringing and expecting blows to be thrown. Jack just looked on amused and chuckled to himself, feeling self-satisfied and smug.
But instead of a punch it was one more attempt at rock paper scissors. One, two, three…both scissors. "That's enough!" the Doctor finally bellowed. "No splitting up; we'll all go as a group. Come along then, this way."
The Doctor carried such authority in his voice that nobody argued with him and followed him down the corridor. They came to a room that was large and cavernous, well inside the temple and away from any natural light. The Orion rocks embedded in the limestone were more plentiful here, giving the whole room a soft, luminescent glow. In the center of the room, a pedestal clearly meant to be an altar held a massive crystal the size of a boulder, light coming off of it in gentle pulses.
"That is beautiful," Annie breathed.
"It looks like the Orion rocks," Lana said fascinated as she approached it in awe. "But the books I read said they only existed in small pebble sizes."
"They're supposed to yeah," agreed the Doctor as he scanned it with his sonic screwdriver. "But it is an Orion rock. It is also the cause of a massive energy disturbance." He examined the rock with child-like curiosity.
"Is that what drew the TARDIS off course?" asked Jack.
"Maybe," said the Doctor doubtfully. "But why? And how?"
Before they could speculate further, the ground beneath them rumbled without warning with a massive earthquake. The air filled with glowing crystalline dust. "Doc, I think we better get out of here!" Jack shouted.
"Yes…I think we'd better…run…" the Doctor was agreeing but his words came out slow and hazy. Lana and Annie didn't say anything; they just stood in a dizzy stupor, before all four passed out on the floor.
Lana stood straight up, unsure of how much time had passed. The ground had settled and the dust had cleared. The first thing she laid eyes on was…herself. There was her body laid out on the ground. Did I die? She was surprisingly unalarmed by the idea, just more curious. Hmm…I thought dying might be a bigger deal, but…oh, good, not dead, I'm breathing.
She assumed she must've been having an out of body experience and thought she would have an interesting story to tell when she actually woke up. She took in the rest of the room, seeing Jack and her sister also passed out. She felt a little guilty fighting with Annie over Jack. He was just a man, after all. A man who was going to be dropped out of their lives more likely sooner than later. Albeit a man with an incredibly nice butt, but still, just a man.
She didn't see the Doctor and rolled her eyes, annoyed with him. She assumed whatever had caused the rest of them to pass out had probably affected his time lord physiology differently. He had probably woken up sooner, or possibly not even passed out at all, and had gone running off at whatever might've grabbed his attention without giving the rest of them a second thought. Never trust a Doctor, she thought, shaking her head.
She could see Jack and Annie slowly making motions of regaining consciousness. She wondered what it would be like when she came to…would she blink and suddenly be herself again? But then she saw herself also making moves towards consciousness. She saw stirrings of movement, and then she saw her own eyes open. But if I'm waking up, why am I still here? She felt a slight wave of panic wash over her as a lump of pain formed in her chest.
The sudden panic brought into sharp focus something that should've been obvious right from the start. Not just one accelerated heartbeat, but two. She looked at herself, not at her body on the ground or her surroundings for the first time since waking up. The tweed jacket on her arms leading up to large, masculine hands was confirmation enough, but even so she couldn't stop herself bringing her hands to the bow tie on her neck.
Lana could see her sister beginning to rise. "Ooh, feel a bit funny, must've conked myself good…" The voice was Annie's, but the inflection was not. "Wait a tic, girl's voice…did I regenerate? Wait, no…I'm right there, so I didn't regenerate…"
"Shut up, you bow tie wearing buffoon!" came Jack's voice, but Annie's inflection was unmistakable. "I know it's you and it looks like right now you're me."
"You're Annie…" said the Doctor hesitantly in Annie's voice. "But you're Jack…"
"Actually," Lana's voice said. "I'm Jack." He ran his hands over the curves of the body he inhabited, wiggling the hips, and swishing the skirt. "This is a bit different, but I could get used to this."
"Please don't," Lana interjected, hearing her words projected in the Doctor's voice. "I'd really prefer to be me again."
"So we're all in each other's bodies," said the Doctor, a slight inflection coming through Annie's voice as he tried to take in the body he was using. "I'm Annie, Annie's Jack, Jack's Lana, and Lana's me. Or, if you prefer, Annie's me, I'm Lana, Lana's Jack, and Jack's Annie. But no matter where your opinion falls on semantics I think we can all agree that this is extra very not good. I mean, this is rubbish. If this had to happen, why couldn't it have happened when I was traveling around with a ginger?"
"What's wrong with my hair?" Annie protested, running fingers through Jack's hair instinctually.
"I just told you, it's not ginger, do try to keep up," said the Doctor, his normal fast-paced dialogue sounding out of place in Annie's voice. "And how do walk around with all this weight on your chest?" His hands flailed in wild gestures in the space in front of Annie's breasts, clearly unsure whether or not it was acceptable to touch them.
"Your chest!?" Lana burst out. "Two hearts? It's bad enough with just one beating a mile a minute, but two? It's no wonder you never sit still." She ran a hand through the floppy mop of hair, which only frustrated her further. "And your hair is impossible!"
"Don't think that I'm happy about this," the Doctor said pointedly.
"What are you doing?" Lana asked, her attention shifted to her sister now inhabiting the man they'd earlier fought over.
"Just checking out the goods," she said in mock innocence, as she unguardedly gazed down the gap she held in the front of Jack's pants.
"That's actually not a bad idea," said Lana, similarly undoing the Doctor's pants to have a look for herself.
"Oi!" the Doctor protested. "It's not ok to just help yourself to all my…bits."
"I assure you my curiosity is purely scientific," said Lana as she ventured a peek. "Hmmm…you know if it weren't for the two hearts, I'd never know the difference. You certainly look human."
"You could've just asked me," the Doctor said, slightly offended. "And I don't look human, you look time lord. We came first."
"Well I suppose right now I do look time lord," said Lana with a shrug. "And no, I couldn't ask you…remember you lie…can't trust a word you say."
"Why are you still looking?" snapped the Doctor, as he directed his attention back to Annie who had a goofy grin plastered upon her face as she continued to look down Jack's pants.
"So you like what you see, huh?" Jack said throwing a wink and a saucy smile, his whole cocky demeanor transferred into Lana's feminine frame.
"Could you not flirt with my sister while you're in my body?" asked Lana. "It's a wee bit creepy."
"Yeah, I'm gonna have to second that," agreed Annie, abruptly buttoning Jack's fly and losing interest. "I'm not really interested in my sister coming on to me."
"Well in that case that brings me to you," said Jack, skirt swaying as he swaggered over to Lana and looped a finger through a suspender.
"OK, now you're me coming on to me," she protested. "Still creepy."
"Oh you two are no fun," Jack protested, putting a mock pout upon Lana's face. "I guess that just leaves you, Doctor."
"Absolutely not," protested all three of them at once, before Lana and Annie had to suffer the indignity of seeing them flirt with each other and before the Doctor had to buffer any more aggressive advances.
"Aww…" Jack protested with a cheeky grin.
"AHHH…WHAT IN THE NAME OF GALLIFREY IS THAT?" the Doctor suddenly screamed out, doubling over Annie's body in agonized pain.
"What's wrong?" Annie asked. "What did you do to me?"
"Nothing," the Doctor said from the fetal position he had taken up on the ground. "I've just experienced sudden and unbearable pain in your abdomen. Do you suffer from a medical condition you've failed to mention? If so, now might be a worthwhile time to bring it up." He moaned in pain on the ground.
"Oh…I think I know what's wrong," said Annie throwing a glance at her sister.
"Oh…is it that time?" Lana asked knowingly.
"Yeah," said Annie, shrugging Jack's broad shoulders. "Do you have something for it?"
"Are you two going to stop speaking in a secret language or are you going to tell me what's going on?" demanded the Doctor.
"Dear god, is that what I sound like when…?" asked Annie mildly concerned.
"No, no, you're not nearly this whiny," Lana assured.
Jack just laughed. "I have no idea what is going on, but this is hilarious."
"Give me my bag, please," said Lana to Jack, who still had it hanging from a shoulder. She fished a small pill bottle from it and gave two to the Doctor. "Here, take this, you'll feel better in a wee bit."
"What is this?" the Doctor moaned.
"It's naproxen," said Lana calmly.
"That sounds awful," he whined. "Are you trying to poison me?"
"Why would I try to poison you while you're in my sister's body?" Lana asked exasperated.
"Then why won't you tell me what it is?" he argued.
"I told you, it's naproxen," Lana said calmly. "And I promise you'll feel better after you take it."
"But what does that even mean?" he moaned. "How do you bear this pain?" he directed to Annie.
"It's a Midol," Annie burst out exasperated.
"A Midol…you mean…?"
"Yeeesss…." Lana and Annie said, the stereo sounding odd in the unison male voices. Jack couldn't even contain his laughter at this point. The Doctor begrudgingly took the offered pills.
"Say I don't suppose you have an aspirin in that bag of tricks?" asked Jack. "Got a bit of a headache from all this."
"Nope, I'm allergic to aspirin," said Lana.
"Who's allergic to aspirin?" Jack said shocked.
"Well I am, too, it can't be that weird," said Annie.
"Wait a tic," said the Doctor, starting to regain his composure as the Midol kicked in. "Have you always been allergic to aspirin?"
"I think so," said Lana with a shrug. "Is it important?"
"No, not even remotely," said the Doctor with a shrug.
"Ok…so maybe we can cut the chit chat and figure out how to fix this," suggested Lana.
"Right, we should get back to the TARDIS, I can run some tests, figure out what to do next," said the Doctor.
"Well there's a problem with that," said Jack. "The way we came in is now blocked off."
"Well we go the other way, there has to be another way out of here," said the Doctor.
With that, the four of them proceeded through another doorway out of the room looking for a way out. They came to a crossroads and stood hesitantly trying to make a decision. "Which way now?" asked Annie.
Suddenly, the ground shook in another earthquake, causing all of them to lose their footing. They were each thrown in a different direction down different corridors. Great concrete slabs dropped down to block them off from each other.