StephenPG – The damn allergy indeed! A never-to-be-repeated mistake. I'm doing good, thank you :)
Queenphoenix08 – She'll be in a panic first! Mia definitely has a yet-to-be-revealed mean streak, but she's not the culprit here.
GnomeGirly – Damage not lasting, promise. And you've got it figured out ;) Thanks for the well wishes :)
Graq the Wild Child 2 – Haha! I bet she is indeed! Yes, it can definitely be hard to show someone they're really good. It's all in the mindset and art is something Tara enjoys so I don't think she really sees the need to be good at it, she just wants to do it. That advice re: cleavage, Willow could really use that :P Becky was very much a friend that Willow would not have met had they not been roommates so I liked the idea of making them pretty much polar opposites but still able to maintain a solid friendship.
Emerald Demona – Aww, thanks, I'm doing good :)
CurlyAkemy – You are all so sweet, I'm feeling much better! Thanks :)
Dirty Tube Socks – lol, you need to retake Kindergarten :P Future…somethin'! That Willow will definitely have to reign that temper in, lest it produce undesireable results. Poor Willow, I didn't make her out to be her best self in that chapter did I? In her defence, I think she would have asked about Tara's class when she calmed down a little and does intend (though will probably slip up a few times) not to psycho-analyse again as per Tara's request. The boob thing, yeah, she deserves some sense-slapping there! She's definitely be a eyes-up girl from now on (though we know from Hacker that Tara 'learned not to be jealous of Willow's preoccupation with boobs early in our relationship. We'd have way too many fights otherwise. She's just a breast-gal and I love her for it.') Evil chowder, indeed (though that one really wasn't Willow's fault! :P )
Guys I hate to do this again and so soon but it's possible the family I'm staying with over the holidays might not have internet access so there may be another period of no update. I'm doing my best to work something out, but if I can't, happy holidays everyone :)
"Okay, gorgeous, I hope you're ready for some Willow-fun-time."
She was confused when not only was there no response, but Tara stayed lying with her back to her.
"Tara?" she asked, wondering if her girlfriend had fallen asleep.
She walked over and put a hand on Tara's shoulder to turn her back over, then got the fright of her life when she saw her girlfriend's normal angelic face replaced with angry, red swelling, making her unrecognisable.
"Tara!"
"Tara! Tara, what's wrong?!"
Willow watched in terror as Tara's hands covered her own throat. She could hear deep rasping sounds where her girlfriend was trying to take in air between her very swollen lips.
She's choking. She's choking!
"Tara, Tara, it's going to be okay!" she practically screamed, scrambling around to find her phone and call 911, "I-I need an ambulance at Boston College. My girlfriend, her face just swelled up and now she can't breathe! Please hurry!"
She identified their dorm building, then dropped her phone and hurried back to the bed, taking hold of one of Tara's hands.
"Tara, can you hear me? It's me, it's Willow. You're going to be okay, I promise, help is coming," she said as calmly as she could muster, which wasn't a lot, "Try not to panic, baby, breathe as best you can. It's all going to be okay, it's going to be okay."
Tara stopped squirming but was still quite obviously in distress and gasping for breath. Willow held her hands, hoping it gave her even a little comfort and repeated 'it's going to be okay' like a mantra.
The short wait for the ambulance seemed to take forever, but there was finally a loud knock on the door and 'ambulance' was called through in a deep, male voice. Willow jumped up to let the two in, a man and a woman.
They both rushed to the bed and started moving Tara onto a stretcher. An audience had gathered outside but Willow was more concerned with making sure Tara was okay, and pushed right through the crowd to follow the paramedics out to the ambulance.
"When did the symptoms onset?" the man asked her as he loaded Tara into the back while the woman went around to drive.
"Just a few minutes ago," Willow answered, seeing an opportunity to jump into the ambulance as well and took Tara's hand on the other side, "She was fine when I went into the bathroom and then when I came out she was like this."
The ambulance jolted into movement and Willow was absently aware of the sirens though was focused on the paramedic's questions as he examined Tara.
"Does she have any allergies?"
"No," Willow shook her head before realising she wasn't sure, "I-I don't know."
The paramedic tried to open Tara's swollen eyes to shine a torch in them.
"Has she come into contact with anything unusual? Please don't touch her until we know what's caused this."
Willow tried not to cry as she let Tara's hand fall away and shook her head.
"No, no, we just went out for dinner, that's the only thing different."
"What did she eat?" the paramedic asked, gently palpating around Tara's body to find any more swelling.
"Chicken and rice, there were veggies and, um, coconut," Willow replied diligently, "And a bread roll, no butter."
The paramedic began to take Tara's pulse.
"Drink?"
"Sprite," Willow answered, holding her head in her hands to try and think straight, "And a glass of water with some lemon and ice."
There was silence for a moment as the paramedic counted out Tara's pulse, then looked to Willow.
"What's her name?"
Willow looked down forlornly at her girlfriend.
"Tara. Her name's Tara."
The paramedic raised his voice, conscious of the swelling cutting off Tara's senses.
"Tara, this is the paramedic. My name is Ethan. We're bringing you to St. Elizabeth's. Do your best to take in long breaths, I know there isn't much air going in. We're going to make that a little easier for you. Don't worry, you're in safe hands."
"I'm here too, baby," Willow added, squeezing her palms together so as not to accidentally touch Tara and make her worse.
The paramedic shot Willow a momentary look, before resuming doing what he could to aid Tara's immediate breathing problem.
If Willow thought the wait for the ambulance had been long, the short five mile journey to the hospital seemed to take hours to get through. Willow tried to follow as Tara was pulled from the back of the ambulance and through the ER doors, but was distracted as the paramedic said something to her along the way.
"Say you're her sister."
He disappeared and started spouting off facts to the doctors that had met them; leaving Willow momentarily confused before she snapped to attention and followed again. She tried to skid into the resus room Tara was wheeled into, but a stout male doctor cut in front of her before she had a chance.
"Who are you?"
"Her gir–" Willow started to answer, before remembering the paramedic's advice, "H-her sister."
The doctor nodded and started flipping a chart he had in his hands.
"Any known allergies?"
"Not that I know of," Willow replied, then realised that was something a 'sister' should know, "But we, um, didn't grow up together. Our…dad…had two families."
The doctor looked disbelieving for a second before shaking his head, not caring.
"This looked like an ingested allergic reaction, we're treating it as one. Did it come on suddenly?" he asked and Willow nodded, "Was she complaining of any pain or unusual sensation?"
Willow tried to think.
"She said…her lips were tingling? But we– I mean, um, yeah, she said her lips were tingling…a lot."
The doctor nodded, writing it down.
"And how long before this started did she eat?"
"An hour maybe," Willow replied, the whole ordeal feeling like it had been days and not minutes, "She was fine walking home."
The doctor scratched his head then continued writing.
"And what was she doing when the symptoms came on?"
Willow swallowed, remembering the awful shock of walking out and seeing Tara like that, realising how terrified her girlfriend must have been.
"I-I was in the bathroom."
The doctor sighed.
"What was the last thing you saw her doing?"
Willow shuffled uncomfortably.
"We were…talking."
With our tongues.
"Any medications? Drugs, anything like that?"
Willow shook her head again.
"No, nothing like that. She barely even takes a Tylenol unless it's really bad."
The doctor flipped the chart closed and started to make his way to the resus room.
"We're treating her symptoms right now and getting her comfortable, breathing easy. If you go wait in the waiting room, I'll come get you when we've stabilised her."
He disappeared before Willow had a chance to respond, then a nurse approached and slammed another clip board into her chest.
"Fill these in for her."
Willow was at a complete loss for a moment, before finally skulking out to the waiting room. She dropped into the nearest chair she could find and started to fill out the form.
After filling in Tara's name, date of birth and address, she started to find herself stumped by the remaining pages of questions.
Insurance? Does she have insurance? I hope she lets me help pay for this if she doesn't…she can't be lumped with medical bills, she has nothing. Do I even have enough to help? Maybe she uses the school insurance...better leave it blank for now.
She listed herself as emergency contact, figuring Tara wouldn't object to that, but her pen stalled again when it came to the medical history section.
Last flu shot…last tetanus…? I don't… I don't know.
She felt like she was taking an exam that she should know the answers too but didn't.
Why don't I know this stuff? I should know this stuff. I'm her girlfriend, I'm her love… we've talked about growing old together for god's sake and I don't even know if she's had a lousy flu shot?
She skipped down again and tried to find a question she could answer.
Well I know she's not pregnant, unless I have skills I didn't even know I had… menstruation started… I know it was after her mom died… she told me that horrible story of thinking she was dying and being happy about it.
She felt the same stomach lurch thinking about that as she had hearing it and quickly scribbled in '11' before moving on, though the next set of questions didn't help her repulsion settling in as nausea.
Serious trauma or broken bones? Did she say her dad…? Wrist fracture? Were there more? God, what did he do to her? I never asked… I shut down. She said he abused her and I shut down… went behind her back and didn't even listen.
She tossed the clipboard into the empty seat, too overcome with all kinds of emotion to try and answer any more questions. She lifted her legs and curled up into a ball, then began to sob, not caring what she looked like to the other patients and visitors waiting.
Her tears dried up after a couple of minutes but she didn't move, preferring the darkness behind her eyes to the harsh strobe lights of the waiting room.
Time had become something beyond her grasp; some seconds ticking by like hours, some minutes passing in a second.
Eventually though, someone tapped on her shoulder, and she looked up to a large male orderly.
"Are you Tara's sister?"
She nodded quickly.
"Uh, yeah, yeah, that's me!"
The orderly gestured over his shoulder.
"Doc sent me out to get you, says you can come on in."
Willow jumped up and hugged him, overcome with relief.
"Thank you!"
The orderly smiled and led her back through the ER and to a treatment room in the back. She thanked him again, then politely knocked, though was bouncing on her toes to see Tara hopefully well.
The door opened after a moment by the same doctor as earlier, but Willow's gaze shot straight to Tara sitting on the bed in a hospital gown, her cheeks and eyes still puffed but considerably less so than before.
"Willow," Tara said, relief in her voice as she smiled for the first time in a while.
"Hi," Willow said in utter relief, rushing over to be by her side, "Hi."
"I was just telling Tara she had a severe allergic reaction, what we call anaphylaxis," the doctor interrupted their moment by closing the door again, "Do you know if you have any allergies?"
Tara gave a little nod.
"Uh huh."
"You do?" Willow asked, feeling stupid for not knowing.
Tara nodded again.
"Shrimp."
"Shrimp?" Willow repeated, confused.
The doctor ignored Willow's repetitiveness and focused on Tara.
"Did you eat any shrimp today? Or any other shellfish?"
Tara shook her head.
"Could you have eaten something cooked in the same oil?" the doctor asked.
"There was shrimp in my chowder," Willow spoke up, trying to be helpful, "I-I'd never had shrimp in chowder before, that's why I got it."
The doctor nodded that that could be a possibility.
"Did you try her chowder? Share silverware?"
Tara shook her head again and the doctor sighed.
"Well unless you were kissing, I don't think that could be the cause."
Willow and Tara shared a sidelong glance, which the doctor caught and looked completely off-guard.
"You were kissing your sister?"
"Sister?" Tara questioned, an eyebrow rising.
Willow squirmed in place that she'd been caught out in a lie.
"They weren't gonna let me in!"
The doctor shook his head again.
"Okay, I didn't hear that," he said, wanting to get on with business, "In future, brush your teeth well and wait at least six hours before… engaging after consuming any shellfish."
"I'm never eating any again, don't worry," Willow puffed out in a breath, feeling horrible for being the cause of everything.
The doctor checked the vitals machine Tara was hooked up to was secure, then made his way to the door.
"We want to keep you here until the swelling goes down completely and to make sure you don't get a return of your symptoms. It'll be a couple of hours," he said, then shook his head at them once again, "Just be grateful kissing is as far as you got."
Willow's brow creased as he left.
"What does he mean by– oh."
She realised and saw Tara wince and cross her legs. There was a moment of awkward silence before Tara reached out rub Willow's shoulder.
"Your eyes are red."
Willow turned back and caught Tara's hand, kissing it like she had in the ambulance.
"I was worried," she said, dismissing it, "Tara, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
"I should have realised," Tara replied with a shake of her head, "I didn't know kissing could do that. It's not your fault, it's mine."
"Well I meant it, no more shrimp for me," Willow replied with a stern shake of her head, "Never risking this again. You must have been so scared, god."
Tara nodded shyly.
"Not an experience I'd like to repeat. Thank god you were there."
"Well if I wasn't there, it wouldn't have happened in the first place, but I know what you mean," Willow replied, gently cupping Tara's puffed cheek, "Does it hurt baby?"
Tara leaned her head down into Willow's touch.
"It's a little tender but that's helping."
Willow gently rubbed her thumb over Tara's skin until the door abruptly opened again. The same mean-spirited nurse that had shoved the forms at Willow all but threw it at the end of the bed.
"Fill these out."
She almost slammed the door closed and Willow shot a snarl to follow her, before picking up the familiar clipboard.
"This stupid form," she said, sighing deeply, "I'm sorry, I filled out all I could… realised I didn't know much."
Tara took the form and smiled softly when she saw what Willow had managed.
"You remember when I got my period?"
Willow just forced a smile, not wanting to say that story was burned into her brain. She watched Tara try to pick up the pen, but noticed her hands were trembling still, probably from the shot of adrenaline she'd gotten.
"Your hands are shaking. I can fill it out if you tell me what to write."
Tara nodded and passed the clipboard back, then started to read down the questions as Willow held it up.
"Um, I have insurance details on a card in my wallet… it's the school one."
Willow breathed a sigh of relief that she had some and found Tara's pants in the bag of her clothes at the end of her bed. She got Tara's wallet out and found the card, then started to scribble down the details.
They worked their way through the rest of the form until they reached the last section, the one Willow was dreading.
"Serious trauma and broken bones. I-I know your wrist," she said, her own hand starting to shake too, "I never asked… listened. What he really… did."
"Oh," Tara replied, turning her hands around themselves, "My fingers were broken too and I-I had a few concussions. Just bruises apart from that."
Willow whole face contorted as she tried to hold back tears, but eventually dropped the pretence and threw her arms around Tara, holding her close.
"Never again. I'm going to take care of you. I promise."
Tara closed the embrace gently, concerned by Willow's tears.
"Willow? Are you okay?"
Willow pulled away and started wiping at her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just… you being hurt… can't stand it. Can't stand the thought of someone doing that, can't stand the thought I did this to you."
"You didn't," Tara soothed gently, "It was a messy accident. One we won't make again."
Willow looked down at Tara's hands, the ones that touched her and loved her, imagining them being broken with a cruelty she far from deserved.
"You shouldn't have had to go through what you went through."
Tara realised how upset her abusive past really made Willow and gently dropped her hand to entwine their fingers.
"My hands truly healed the first time I touched you."
Willow almost burst into fresh tears at that, but managed to rein it in. She moved to rest her forehead against Tara's, letting their noses brush so she could be as close to her as possible without kissing her.
"Do you remember the first time you did your Tarot cards with me?" she asked, her voice full of emotion, "Do you remember I got the card, the Lovers card… and you said it often indicated a soulmate connection?"
Tara just nodded and Willow managed to move closer still.
"You're my soulmate. I knew it then and I know it now, but now I'll really say it. You're all I want, forever. You're my always, Tara."
Tara reached up to touch Willow's cheek in the same way.
"You were really scared, huh?"
"Yes," Willow replied, "But that's not why I'm saying it. I'm saying it because it's true."
Tara eyes filled with love.
"I-I'd kiss you now if I could."
Willow took in a shaky breath, then gently lifted her hand to her own lips and pressed a kiss against two of her fingers, before pressing those fingers against Tara's lips. She nuzzled their noses together for a moment, then smiled.
"Your cheeks are going down."
Tara could only smile too.
"I don't even want to know what I look like."
"Beautiful, always," Willow replied, then sat up on the bed beside Tara, "So how do we kill a couple of hours without making out?"
Tara shrugged one shoulder.
"Want to play thumb wars?"
"Okay," Willow agreed, and offered her thumb for duelling.
They passed the time playing and laughing, Tara's face returning almost completely to normal in that time.
"Hey, no fair, cheater!" Willow giggled as Tara caught her thumb once again, "Okay, okay, I admit defeat. You are the thumb war queen."
"You were a worthy opponent," Tara replied gallantly.
Willow smiled and squeezed Tara's knee, just as the doctor came back into the room.
"You're looking much better, Tara," he commented and walked over to examine her face, "How are you feeling? Any itchiness, shortness of breath?"
Tara shook her head and the doctor started detaching the wires sticking out of her.
"You're free to go, but you should carry an EpiPen around with you, even if you're careful about being…" he trailed off and cast a glance at Willow, "Exposed. I'll write you a prescription."
He scribbled on a notepad, then tore the page off and handed it to her before leaving again. Willow offered her hand and helped Tara down, then guided them back through the busy ER and out onto the street. The temperature had dropped considerably, so Willow quickly removed her sweater and put it over Tara's shoulders.
"Don't even try and argue," she said when she saw Tara about to protest, "I just want to get you home safe."
Tara gratefully pulled the sweater a little tighter.
"There's a T station a couple of blocks from here."
Willow didn't seem agreeable.
"It's late."
"They run 'til 12.30," Tara replied, though had no idea what the time actually was.
Willow knew they could catch one of the last couple of trains but really wasn't in the mood to avoid the sleazes and drunks the train attracted at that hour.
"Would you object horribly if I got us a cab? It's only a mile or two, it won't be much. We've had a long night."
Tara just nodded, she wasn't keen on the idea either. They walked over to a cab rank set up outside the hospital and got a cab quickly.
They sat silently but close for the whole ride home and quickly made their way into their room, but Willow almost tripped when she stepped on a pile of torn pieces of paper, some different colours.
"What the frilly heck are those?"
Tara bent down to pick a few up and looked at what was written.
"They're get well wishes," she said with a soft, embarrassed smile, "Guess I made a bit of a scene getting out of here. People are really nice."
"That is nice," Willow agreed, looking at them over Tara's shoulders.
Tara got them all in a pile and left them on her desk to look through properly the next morning; she was too tired to think about them then. Willow noticed and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Do you want some jammies?"
Tara turned towards Willow shyly.
"Can we sleep close?"
"'Course we can," Willow replied softly, understanding the request for nude slumbering.
They both got their teeth brushed and clothes off before climbing into bed, facing each other. Willow put an arm around Tara's waist, then gave a soft sigh.
"No goodnight kiss," she said sadly, "It's been a while since I've tried to sleep without one of those."
"It'll be okay by the morning," Tara tried to comfort, though felt just as forlorn at the idea.
Willow pressed their bodies together, then a long kiss against Tara's cheek.
"Upon thy cheek I lay this zealous kiss, as seal to the indenture of my love," she recited, then smiled sheepishly, "I'm turning into Becky with the literature quotes."
Tara reached a hand up to brush some hair from Willow's brow, then let her mouth get close enough that their lips were grazing agonisingly close without really touching.
"Soul meets soul on lovers' lips," she whispered.
Willow was scared to move, to break their contact. It was one of the most intimate moments they'd shared.
"What's that from?" she whispered back.
Tara moved her hand down to Willow's ear, gently caressing it.
"An old closet drama… Prometheus Unbound… I found it in our old school library in high school."
It took all Willow had not to kiss Tara right then.
"I like it."
"Me too," Tara replied, then turned her head to whisper right in Willow's ear, "I love you, Willow."
Willow smiled and waited for Tara to come back and meet her eye again.
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul," she said, bumping their noses together, "Judy Garland... she wrote a book of poems in the 30's for her friends."
Tara smiled back and started to gently trace Willow's features.
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you," she said, her eyes creasing affectionately, "Winnie the Pooh."
Willow was lost in Tara's eyes, in the emotion shining through and coming from her voice but smiled big at that.
"No matter what happens, I'll always be with you. Forever," she replied, feeling her heart race at being so open, "Pocahontas. The Disney one."
Tara started to cuddle into Willow, loving the feel of their flush skin against each other.
"A well spent day brings happy sleep," she said, slipping her feet between Willow's, "Leonardo da Vinci."
"Well spent?" Willow questioned.
"It was with you," Tara replied, taking her turn of forcing herself to deny a kiss, "Any time spent with you is good."
Willow took a long, slow breath, then wrapped her arms around Tara and brought her in close.
"Goodnight, Tara. This is how I want to fall asleep every night. Always."
Tara did similar so they were as close together as possible.
"Goodnight Willow. This is where I want to be. Forever."