Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter series.
Wondering
"There you are," Narcissa said as she stood over her sister who was sprawled out on the grass next to the lake, a look of concentration on her face. "Meda said you had gone somewhere with Rodolphus, I didn't expect to find you."
Bellatrix answered slowly; sounding as though she had only half listened to what Narcissa had said. "Huh? Oh, yeah… I met up with him earlier."
"Much earlier according to Andromeda," Narcissa added suspiciously, for her sister was being oddly aloof.
Bella twirled a piece of grass in one hand, her wand in the other. "Some things are worth getting up for, Cissy."
"Oh," Narcissa said, feeling stupid; that must have been why Andromeda seemed so annoyed when she had asked where Bella was. "You know, if Mother knew just how often you and Rodolphus were sneaking-"
"Narcissa!" Bella laughed, grinning at her little sister. "Where is your mind these days? It wasn't like that at all. We met up with a few of Rodolphus's friends."
Narcissa rolled her eyes at Bellatrix's mock scolding; if they hadn't been this time, they certainly had enough in the past. Narcissa wasn't completely naïve. "Why were you hanging out with his friends then?"
"Just had to talk about a few things," Bella shrugged.
"Like what?"
"Like how my little sister asks too many questions. Mother wouldn't approve of that anymore than she'd approve of Rodolphus and I doing whatever you think we're doing," Bella replied, as an end to that conversation.
Narcissa closed her mouth resolutely. She followed Bellatrix's gaze across the grounds, trying to figure out what exactly she was looking at with little luck.
"Where's Meda?"
"Studying with some other fifth years," Narcissa answered. "Let's do something."
Bellatrix shook her head. "No… nothing's as interesting without Andromeda."
Narcissa tried not to take this personally.
"We could go to Hogsmeade," she suggested hopefully.
"Boring…" Bella yawned.
"You think everything is boring!" Narcissa sighed. However, she quickly reconsidered this statement, "Well, everything that's socially acceptable, that is."
"That explains why I find you dull and trying, at least," Bella noted with an innocent smile.
Narcissa chose to ignore this snub as well. "Please, Bella. It'll be fun. Everyone's at Hogsmeade."
"Are you suggesting we follow the mainstream of the commoners?" Bellatrix chided teasingly.
"That's not what I meant; I just thought since we're just sitting around being bored-"
"I'm not going to Hogsmeade with you, Cissy, because I outgrew that halfway through sixth year," Bella said, yawning again.
"You think you're too good to do anything I want to do!" Narcissa complained. She didn't really care one way or another if they went to Hogsmeade, but it was the principle of the thing.
"I am…" Bella replied.
The trouble with having Bella as a sister, Narcissa thought, was that it was impossible to like her but even more difficult to hate her. Bellatrix's unfailing ability to be superior in any situation was both irritating and admirable. Of course there were benefits; like learning to smirk, sneer, and scowl from the best. But there were downsides too… like trying to have a meaningful conversation. Narcissa had thought that since Meda was preoccupied with studying Bellatrix might actually pay attention to the youngest Black sister for once.
After thirteen years with Bellatrix, Narcissa shouldn't have had such delusions. Sighing, she resigned to sitting down on the grass next to her sister in silence. From her bag she produced a leather bound book, her favorite quill, and some ink.
Bellatrix's curiosity was aroused at the sight of Narcissa writing on her own free will.
"What are you doing?"
Narcissa pushed a strand of hair behind her ear but did not reply. Not answering Bellatrix would infuriate her beyond belief, and when it came down to annoy or be annoyed, Narcissa preferred to do the annoying. Plus, Bella would make fun of Narcissa if she knew that the diary Andromeda had given the youngest last Christmas was being put to good use.
After a minute or so of being ignored, Bellatrix sighed in aggravation and returned to cutting individual blades of grass with her wand.
The pages of the diary were soft under Narcissa's hands. She absentmindedly chewed on the end of her quill, re-reading the entry from a week ago. A smile crept over her face and she couldn't help but giggle at the memory.
"What's so funny?" Bella inquired lazily.
"Nothing," Narcissa said hastily, shutting the book with a snap before her sister's prying eyes could decipher the elegant cursive.
Bellatrix shrugged and rolled over in the grass. And then five minutes later she shifted again. And then she flopped over on her stomach. She pulled grass out of the soil peevishly. Finally, she let out a sigh and pushed herself off the ground to walk closer to the glimmering lake. Bellatrix had been restless lately; that's what Meda called it anyway. Narcissa didn't notice much of a difference from Bella's usual behavior.
"Just two more months," Bella breathed, staring into the dark water as though it held all the answers.
"Till what?" Narcissa asked, not looking up from her writing.
Bellatrix laughed, a cold sort of eagerness filling her words, "Till I'm out of here, of course."
"Oh, right," Narcissa mumbled, suddenly unable to concentrate on documenting the morning's friendly encounter with a certain Malfoy as she realized the implications of her sister's words. She had tried to push the date out of her mind, even though she knew Bellatrix's graduation from Hogwarts would change very little. But it would mean two years of only two Sister's Black, Narcissa, Andromeda. And then two would become one and Narcissa would have to spend two more years all alone with only the company of lesser purebloods to entertain her. She almost groaned at the idea, and then she pushed it to the back of her mind once more; two months was about sixty days… the time couldn't go by that quickly.
Nonetheless, Narcissa couldn't help but stare at her oldest sister as Bellatrix kicked stones into the lake methodically so that the water had no sooner mastered the pattern of ripples then another rock became a new epicenter of the distorted surface. A part of her hoped Bella wasn't as eager to leave Hogwarts behind her as she seemed; the other part knew better. Still, Narcissa couldn't quite understand it as Bellatrix constantly pledged her utter hatred for the life that awaited her: marriage, children, society. The only thing Narcissa could imagine Bellatrix looking forward to was, perhaps, Rodolphus. At least he was… well, the kind of person Bella liked, or tolerated.
"Bella, can I ask you a question?"
Narcissa was watching her gather stones now.
"Only if I don't have to answer it," Bellatrix replied, her level of rudeness never failing to astound Narcissa.
She asked, just the same. "Do you love Rodolphus?"
Bellatrix paused in the middle of throwing a rock into the water. After a moment's hesitation she continued with the motion, answering as the rock splashed. "What does love even mean, Cissy?"
There was a hint of teasing in her words, but more gentle than usual, somehow more genuine.
Narcissa immediately thought of dancing with Lucius at his family's New Year's Eve party. "Uh… like, people you don't mind being around. And wanting to be around those people, that person, constantly."
Bella chuckled, probably wise to what Narcissa was thinking even if she hadn't voiced her thoughts.
"I mean, you aregoing to marry him. It'd be nice if you did love him," Narcissa said, considering this possibility.
"It would add to its convenience…" Bellatrix agreed absently as she stared at the pebble in her hand. "But Cissy, you know as well as I that marriage is not about love; it's politics through and through."
A final splash in the water as the last rock fell from Bella's hand.
Narcissa knew this; she knew their society's politics better than Bellatrix at most times. "Yeah, obviously; but that doesn't mean you can't love him. I just… I don't know, I was just wondering."
Bella sat down on the shore, pulling off her shoes to dip her toes in the water. Her finger traced something in the dirt. She smiled. "Meda's rubbing off on you, Cissy. All she ever does is wonder."
"Maybe…" Narcissa mused. She had always thought that Andromeda and Bellatrix were the most alike out the three of them, but maybe they just understood each other the best.
"Can't imagine how soft she'll turn you once I'm gone…"
Narcissa rolled her eyes. "You won't catch me spending my weekends stuck inside studying, at least."
"If you want to pass your O.W.L.S. you will in a few years," Bella said, examining her sketch in the dirt more closely.
Narcissa frowned; the suggestion couldn't be any less appealing. "You barely studied."
"Sorry you didn't inherit the same proficiency I did."
"Proficiency at having false delusions…" Narcissa muttered, going back to scribbling in her book.
Bella's shoe hit Narcissa in the head.
"Ow!"
"I do not have false delusions!" Bella retorted, as if that was justification for throwing things at her little sister. "Besides, I did study… some… for your information. I just didn't parade it, that's all."
"You parade everything else," Narcissa grumbled, rubbing her head. "That really hurt, Bella! This is why I like Andromeda better."
"Aw, did I mess up your hair?"
Narcissa couldn't stand the self-satisfied smirk Bellatrix wore as she continued to rub her head. She grabbed Bella's shoe and flung it as far as she could into the lake.
She greeted Bella's look of fury with glee. "Aw, did I mess up your shoe?"
"Narcissa, go get that," Bella ordered, holding her other shoe threateningly.
"Ew, no! Even if I felt like swimming, I'm not about to go in there with that thing lurking around in the water."
Bellatrix took another step closer to Narcissa; reflexively, though she knew Bella wouldn't lay a hand on her for fear of Druella's wrath, Narcissa stepped back.
"Then why don't you summon it?" Bellatrix leered.
Narcissa crossed her arms over her chest. "You know I can't…"
"Who's the proficient one now?" Bella taunted, summoning her shoe with a wave of her wand. "And that was nonverbally, too. Bet you'll never master that, the way you run your mouth."
Narcissa huffed in annoyance as she sat back down to her diary.
"Whatever. Your shoes are horrid anyway."
"Matter of opinion, Narcissa, not that yours matters much," Bella replied, staring across the lake.
Neither talked for awhile as Narcissa's quill scratched against the blank leaves and Bellatrix continued to trace some pattern in the dirt.
"What are you writing?" Bellatrix finally asked.
Narcissa drew the book closer to her chest as she answered, "None of your business."
Bellatrix didn't take no for an answer, a fact that Narcissa always forgot at the most inconvenient times, like now as she swooped down and snatched the diary out of Narcissa's hands.
"Hey! Give that back!" Narcissa cried, jumping up quickly.
Bellatrix skipped back from Narcissa's immediate reach, opening the book to a random page.
"Don't read that!" she whined, grabbing the top of the book in attempt to pull it away from Bella.
"Like you're going to stop me!"
"No!" Narcissa shouted in outrage as Bellatrix yanked the book free of Narcissa's grip.
Laughing madly, Bella tore off towards the castle, barefoot and everything, wielding Narcissa's diary above her head. Narcissa stumbled after her sister, thankful only for the fact that the rest of the Hogwarts student body was in Hogsmeade so that no one could see how foolish she must have looked.
"Bella! This isn't fair!" Narcissa cried, as the distance between them increased. "Your legs are longer!"
Narcissa heard Bellatrix laughing as she shouted over her shoulder, "Yeah, but you still have your shoes on!"
Concentrating only on getting her diary back from Bellatrix, Narcissa pushed herself to run faster until she had almost caught up to her sister. Bellatrix was doubled over in an attempt to catch her breath as well as contain her laughter as Narcissa raised an eyebrow and put out a hand to collect what was rightfully hers.
"Give… me… my… diary…" Narcissa panted, trying to regain her composure.
"Here," Bella said, tossing the book in Narcissa's direction.
However, instead of landing in her hands, the diary flew over Narcissa's head and was subsequently caught by Andromeda.
"Hey!" Narcissa said angrily, "That's not fair; I didn't even know you had come outside, Andromeda."
But neither sister paid attention to Narcissa.
"Oh, Bella! Listen to this," Meda giggled, opening to the center of the diary. "Today Lucius bumped into me when I was walking to Potions. He was ever so polite and apologized; but I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose."
Narcissa felt her cheeks grow red and she rushed towards Andromeda, determined to end the humiliation before it only worsened. But Andromeda threw the diary to Bellatrix who promptly began to read aloud in a voice that was about three octaves higher than Narcissa's.
"Some Ravenclaw prefect was flirting rather obviously with Lucius this evening. That tart could learn to keep her hands to herself if she wants to keep them. Meda told me not to worry because a Slytherin, no less a Black, is better than a Ravenclaw any day. Bella suggested more active reinforcement; for once I think she might be right," Bellatrix closed the book smugly. "See, I do give good advice," she laughed, tossing the diary back to Andromeda.
"For once," Andromeda noted, leafing through the pages to find a more interesting selection. "Oh look, she also noted that I have better hair, manners, and fashion; thanks, Cissy."
Narcissa smiled at Andromeda, ignoring Bella's glare; she couldn't help if she documented the truth.
"Give me that book," Bellatrix ordered. "I'm sure Narcissa's said plenty of negative things about you too."
Andromeda disregarded her older sister with a raised eyebrow. Her index finger traced over Narcissa's neat cursive writing as she skimmed quickly. But then she paused, rereading the current page. Her calm smile faded; concern suddenly marred Andromeda's face. Her eyes flashed almost imperceptibly to Bella then back to the page, but Narcissa didn't miss this.
When Andromeda slowly closed the diary, she met Narcissa's stare with a strangled curiosity, looking as though she wished she hadn't read whatever it was that she had read. Narcissa couldn't imagine what would've caused her sister to react in such a way.
"Here, Cissy," Andromeda said quietly, marking the page she'd been reading. She handed Narcissa the diary.
"What's the matter with you?" Bella laughed.
"Huh? Nothing… Cissy just wrote something cruel about my magical abilities compared to yours," Meda replied, adopting a smile once more.
But it was a lie, Narcissa knew, as she opened the diary discretely to the marked page.
Bella and Meda, lost in their own conversation as always, paid no attention to Narcissa but walked towards the lake as she read her entry. She didn't understand what had upset Andromeda so much. Detailing yet another day in the life of Bella trying to annoy Druella, there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary about Bellatrix threatening to do "something more drastic than present Rodolphus's mutant children to the pureblood world". Andromeda probably just misread something, Narcissa shrugged.
She hurried to join Bella and Meda in wasting the rest of an afternoon, since they seemed keen on doing nothing else. When she appeared next to them, however, they stopped talking immediately.
"What?" Narcissa asked suspiciously as Andromeda and Bellatrix stared at her fixedly.
"Nothing," Bella replied with a grin that wasn't altogether reassuring.
"Why do you always do this?" Narcissa demanded. "I'm not a baby; you don't need to exclude me from every conversation. Especially when I know you're talking about me."
"What makes you think we were talking about you?" Andromeda said sweetly, too sweetly.
Narcissa sniffed at their overbearing sense of camaraderie against her. "Mother says that the only reason you two are so mean to me is that you're just jeal-"
But Narcissa didn't get to finish as her sisters grabbed her arms and feet, swinging her across the shoreline. She hit the water with a splash, quickly drenched from head to toe. When she resurfaced, coughing and shivering from shock, Bellatrix was on the ground with laughter as Andromeda held her face in her hands, shaking with giggles.
"H-how c-could you!" Narcissa screeched, flabbergasted by the unprovoked attack.
"How could we not?" Bella howled with glee at successfully ruining Narcissa's day. "I mean, Merlin knows how dry you can be sometimes."
Narcissa clenched her hands in fury, trying to formulate the best plan for revenge.
"Oh, Cissy; don't be so sensitive, it's all in good fun," Andromeda managed between her own fits of amusement. "Besides, we thought you'd enjoy the refreshing swim on such a nice warm day."
Bella and Meda exchanged high fives, far too pleased with themselves.
"Well come in and t-tell me the water's w-warm!" Narcissa sputtered.
"I dunno…" Andromeda said slowly, sobering as she eyed the water suspiciously. "That thing in the lake doesn't really appeal to me."
"Yeah," Bella agreed, "And that Giant Squid's not so inviting either."
Narcissa huffed in annoyance, "The sooner you leave Hogwarts the happier I'll be!"
Bellatrix rolled her eyes; Andromeda snickered as if she understood just how much of a lie the statement was.
"Let's go to Hogsmeade," Andromeda said.
"Sure, why not," Bella agreed.
Of course, Narcissa thought. Andromeda had suggested it, so of course it was a brilliant idea.
"But I'm soaked!" Narcissa cried, stamping her foot out of habit, only to splash more water on herself.
"Who says we were inviting you?" Bella laughed, linking arms with Andromeda as they walked away.
As she stood cold, dripping, and alone, Narcissa realized that she would never understand her sisters. Bellatrix, while so driven to defend the family name, treated Narcissa as though she was otherwise. Andromeda, meanwhile, possessed a fierce independence and yet sometimes clung to Bella like she might disappear any minute. Therefore, even more perplexing to Narcissa was her own fervent dislike of being left behind by her sisters and her fear of what would happen to herself and Meda when Bella left Hogwarts in a matter of weeks.
Author's Note: First I must say: YAY SUMMER! Hopefully this means I will have much more time to write and will update more frequently. Please continue reading and reviewing; you guys are the best! Thanks!