Completely surprised by his words, by the sincerity with which he delivered them, by how overwhelmingly wonderful she felt when she heard them, Toph couldn't come up with anything remotely coherent to say except, "Um...okay."
Deflating somewhat, the airbender still managed to call a small smile to his face. He had not anticipated her reaction. It's not like he expected her to commit herself to him as he had tried to do, but secretly Aang hoped she would. When it became painfully obvious to him she wasn't going to add anything else to her less than eloquent reply, his shoulders sagged a bit more. The awkward silence that hung between them made him take a step back and say, "Let's finish our battle?"
"Let's not," came her borderline grunt. All Toph wanted was to be able to answer in kind, but the words would not come to her. She wanted this. She wanted him. Why couldn't she say so!? Without any sort of explanation, she turned from him to head back towards the Palace.
"Where you going?"
"For a walk," she lied. She needed to think, figure it out. Somewhere far from him where he couldn't cloud her judgment.
Aang flew to catch up to her. "I'll come with you."
"I'd rather you didn't," she replied, sounding very cold and distant in his ears.
Hurt, the monk came to a halt. He watched as her figure grew smaller and smaller the further she got from him until she disappeared entirely from view over a small hill.
Had he just ruined everything? He must have. Because the urge to cry was nearly as strong as the pain in his chest.
A heavy darkness closed in all around. When he glanced up into the night sky, even the brightness of the stars had dimmed.
...
Wandering the Palace grounds aimlessly for what felt like hours, Toph ended up in the Fire Lord's private garden. There she found Iroh feeding the turtleducks. Perhaps she'd been walking with a purpose after all.
"Hey, Pops," she said by way of greeting.
He turned towards her, his smile taking ten years off his features.
"Miss Toph. What a lovely surprise!"
"Sparky know you hiding out here?" she asked with an impish grin, the first that made an appearance since she left Aang. She wondered when the older bender had had enough of the masquerade and left it for solitude of the garden.
"I would deny it," Iroh chuckled, his belly shaking with each breath. "But there's no point in trying to keep something like that from you."
Her subdued laughter joined his for a bit, but all too soon she recalled the musings that had kept her deep in thought the last few hours. Iroh did not fail to notice. Tossing the last piece of bread into the pond, he approached her.
"You seem a little preoccupied. Anything you care to talk about?"
She had learned that although the Dragon of the West did not possess her seismic sense, there was also little point in trying to keep anything from him. But Toph attempted to anyway.
"Not really, no."
"Will you walk with an old man?" he asked, offering her his arm.
"You know, you can't keep using that line. You're not that old."
His boisterous laughter made her smile, she always did find comfort in his presence. Ever since that first cup of tea they shared... But, even her old friend couldn't alleviate what weighed on her on her mind. When she sighed, he soon fell quiet and they continued on in silence. The night was a warm one and after they circled the pond, they continued on one of the many paths in the garden.
Without preamble, she spoke.
"He said he wanted to be with me."
Toph didn't specify who and Iroh didn't ask. Though he had an idea.
"I see. Do you believe him insincere?"
She kicked a pebble with her toe. That was the problem. As much as she wanted to believe Aang, something inside her refused to accept it as true.
"Dunno," she answered honestly.
"Why would he want to deceive you?"
He wouldn't. She started at the vehemence with which the thought appeared in her mind.
"For the sake of argument, let us agree he is worthy of trust. Do you return his affection?"
The young woman blushed, her pale skin coloring enough for him to see even under the faint starlight. Inwardly she cursed her body's betrayal, but didn't make an outward reply. When he took a seat on a nearby bench, she did the same.
"What if it doesn't work out?" she asked, not facing him.
And he understood then where the true issue lay.
"There are no certainties in life."
She cocked her head to the side. "I know that, I do, but..." she trailed off. Something as simple (and complicated), silly (and meaningful) as practice turned into so much more, into something she never saw coming. For so long, for as long as she could remember in fact, she was just so used to downplaying her feelings, hiding behind sarcasm and fearlessness to keep herself safe, guarded, protected. But like the element he manipulated, cunning wisps of air that had a tendency to find a way through anything, Aang managed to sneak past her defenses through the tiny cracks in her armor.
"Matters of the heart always pose a risk," Iroh stated solemnly.
"Who said anything about my heart?" she snapped, immediately on the defensive.
Placing a firm, but gentle hand on her shoulder, Iroh smiled at his young friend.
"I spoke hypothetically. If not your heart, perhaps his?" Toph sighed at his words because she didn't want to hurt Twinkletoes either. The General continued, "If he has chosen to open himself up to you then it seems he has made up his mind. Now you must decide if you wish to do the same. Granted, it is a risk," he told her. "And you must determine if he is worth it. But do not forget, the greatest risks have the potential to reap the greatest rewards."
Toph sat there, the hope growing steadily with each passing second was marred with confusion and...and fear of the potential (inevitable?) pain. As far as she had allowed Aang into her life, she could still walk away relatively intact. But, if she said the words, made that promise, there was no going back. Toph was on the edge of a dangerous precipice that not even her amazing earthbending could save her from.
What would it be like to give in completely? To step off the edge and fall into uncertainty, into something wherein she couldn't see at all, where she was truly blind.
Could she take that chance? Did she want to?
Twinkletoes would attempt to catch her...could she trust him to do it? The flighty airhead who had the attention span of a lemur, the last airbender who happened to be the Avatar who saved the world? Aang, who sent her into a tizzy whenever he was close, bending with her, laughing with her, kissing her... Twinkletoes, who had already taken that leap and trusted her to catch him...
Toph didn't know. Because as much as she loved being with him, what she hated above all else was feeling trapped, stuck.
But... that was the thing. Not once had she felt that way with him. Funny that nothing had changed on that front because she wasn't restrained or confined by him in any way. Toph still came and went as she pleased. Only now, there was someone waiting for her return, someone to come home to. And she liked knowing he would be there.
For such a long time she believed that being with someone meant giving up that part of herself, but with Aang that wasn't the case. He never asked for anything she wasn't willing to give. He didn't demand she spend time with him, he was simply happy when they were together. And, the same was true of her. Aang wasn't a threat to her freedom at all.
"Crud!" she mumbled, jumping up and running out the garden. "Gotta go!" she yelled over her shoulder, barely able to hear Iroh's soft chuckle behind her as she left in hurry to find Aang.
Her heart was beating so fast, blood rushing so loud that she couldn't hear anything else. But she didn't have to. With each step she took she could sense his vibrations getting clearer, more distinct. Within minutes Toph found him in the stables. Appa and Momo were there too.
"Hey, Twinkletoes," though she was out of breath, she was smiling. "Can we talk?"
Aang wanted to say no. He wanted to leave like she had left him earlier, feeling alone and confused and utterly dejected.
"I have nothing else to say, Toph. I said what I needed to earlier," he told her, not bothering to look up from where he sat on the ground next to Appa. His tone was anything but friendly. Still, the earthbender continued forward, further into the stables.
"Then, you can listen," she informed him, knowing he had every right to be upset. She wouldn't be surprised if he up and left without a word. It's practically what she did to him. "Look, about before-"
"You just left," he accused, but he wasn't angry. The tears lingering in his voice were loud and clear though.
"It was a lot to process," she explained.
"Too much, too soon?" he asked glumly, eyes flitting up to catch a glimpse of Toph bathed in the fading moonlight. Most of the night he had spent wondering what went wrong, replaying what he said and her reaction. Truthfully, he wasn't expecting to see her anytime soon and he drank in the sight of her.
Toph chewed her bottom lip. "I'm not sure," she mumbled. Aang couldn't recall a time she looked more uncertain and he bit back the rest of his accusation.
After trying to unravel the mess of emotions she had been dealing with most of her life (in particular lately) - fear of rejection, acceptance, trust, surrender, love - Toph swore she wouldn't wuss out and would be honest with him when the time came. She hadn't exactly done that earlier, but she would now. It would probably be embarrassing either way she said it, so she got straight to the point.
"No one has ever wanted me," she admitted, her voice cracking the tiniest bit. "Not in the way I wanted them to." It was a very hard thing to admit, but it was true. Not her parents. They wanted the helpless blind girl. Not Sokka. He wanted her friendship, nothing more. Not Gan. Who found her lacking. "No one I've ever cared about..." Tears suddenly filled her eyes and she couldn't finish. Because how sad was it that no one ever felt the same for her. Excluding her friends, but that was different.
The tough earthbender wiped away a few treacherous tears that defied her and fell against her command. When Aang noticed, he jumped up to stand with her.
"Toph-"
"I'm fine," she insisted, one hand up to stop his approach.
With arms aching to draw her close, to comfort her, he simply stood there. The walls she kept up for her protection, the walls she had lowered for him the last few days, those walls were back up. Impenetrable as ever. He needed to break through them.
"I care about you."
He wasn't lying. His body, the vibrations, they gave him away when he was, but not this time.
Twinkletoes was being honest. Why was it so hard for her to believe it?
"Will you sit with me?" he asked, taking her hand and tugging gently as he returned to his previous spot next to Appa. Her hesitation was obvious. She was about to refuse, he could see it in her expression. "Please," Aang insisted.
Toph had an excuse already prepared, but truthfully, she didn't want to leave him just yet. Actually, she didn't want to leave him at all.
Momo flew into her lap when she sat cross-legged next to Aang.
"I'm sorry if anything I said bothered you or made you uncomfortable in any way. That wasn't my intention. I only needed you to know that when I'm with you, Toph...all the bad stuff..." All those things that troubled him and weighed him down... "It fades away. All of it." After taking a slow breath, he pressed on. "We've been friends since we were kids and you have to know I've cared about you all that time. But now it's different. It's more than that. And I told you earlier, so...I guess I don't have to say it again." His face was hot and red by the time he finished. Although he knew she wasn't big on discussing these sorts of things, he couldn't regret it. Aang only hoped she didn't laugh in his face or left again. "That probably sounded stupid, huh?" he asked with a forced chuckle, mentally preparing for her refusal.
It did sound stupid. But, Toph knew exactly what he meant because it was what she had been experiencing lately as well.
"You sure about that, Twinkletoes?" she asked, heart in her throat. She then made the most outlandish comment she could think of to hide the way her body trembled ever so slightly in anticipation, waiting for his reply. "Or you trying to sweet-talk me outta my clothes again?"
"What?" Aang choked on nothing. When he ceased coughing, he stuttered her name. A furious blush covered his entire head. "I've never-"
"Just checking," she shrugged, that beautiful smirk finally making an appearance.
"Do you really think that's all this is?" he asked, sounding incredibly hurt.
"Don't tell me you're gonna pout like a little girl now," she countered though she didn't like hearing that tone from him.
Yes, yes he was. And, he would continue to until she apologized. How could she ever think that? That all they shared was purely physical? It had been a big part, true, but he wanted her heart as well, not simply her body.
Toph placed Momo aside on the ground. Then without warning, she climbed onto Aang's lap.
"Come on, Twinkles," she laughed, inching closer until she rested her forehead against his. "It was a joke."
"It wasn't funny."
"Yeah, it was," she insisted, her laughter coming in short spurts. He fought to keep a straight face. It was a losing battle.
"Fine, maybe a little," he amended and felt her relax in his arms. However, things weren't settled yet and he pointed between them. "What about us?"
"What about us? I'm still here, ain't I?"
That she was.
Toph was there with him. When she left, she didn't have to come back. But she had.
"Does that mean-?"
She found his lips before he could finish his question. He didn't fight her, instead eagerly returned the kiss, snaking his arms around her waist to draw her against him.
It had taken Aang some time to realize how he truly felt about her and he was usually pretty aware of his feelings. Because of that, he would be patient with her. He could wait until she came to terms with her own. Eventually, she would be ready to tell him. And by the way she kissed him, with eager, hungry nips, her lips and tongue teasing him, mirroring his own desire, Aang sensed he wouldn't have to wait too long. Although with Toph, he could never be too sure.
"Hey," he pulled away. Her lips were parted and she was out of breath, much like he was. The rosy tint to her cheeks made her look incredibly attractive and he reached up to tuck a few strands of her bangs behind her ear. "I'm not trying to pressure you. Into anything," he clarified.
"I know that," she admitted quietly. "I know."
Closing her eyes and resting her head against his shoulder, letting herself enjoy the moment, she sighed into him. Neither knew what they were getting into when they started this thing, but she was done holding back. Toph knew what she wanted, now she just had to let him know it.
They were quiet for a long time. Her arms were tucked between them, his were wrapped around her. Both sat there, simply breathing the other in.
Up above the pale pinks and soft purples following sunrise were taking over the sky. Aang smiled against her dark hair, thinking this was exactly what he wanted, beginning each new day with the amazing earthbender by his side. He knew then his life couldn't possibly get any better.
"Aang?" she whispered against his chest.
"Yeah?"
"I'm in this, too," she said, raising her head so that green eyes were level with grey. She seemed to be trying her hardest not to let the corners of her mouth twitch up as she kissed him once, quickly, before adding, "I'm all in."
And just like that, with those seven words, it happened: Toph made his life infinitely better.
.
.
.
That's all folks! Sorry, couldn't resist. :P Anyway, I had no idea where this was going when I started it, all I knew was I wanted Toph and Aang to be together and I'm happy with how it turned out (mostly). It was a fun ride though and I hope you all enjoyed it as well. Only the epilogue remains...
On a side note, I listened to Arms by Christina Perri endlessly while I wrote this last chapter. You guys have any other songs that just scream Taang to you? Any, any at all? :D
