Disclaimer: I own the main character and the rest of her screwed up family, all others belong to Hasbro and whoever else had a hand in the movie.

Disregarded

Chapter 25

The passing of time hadn't been this agonizingly slow in nearly a millennium.

The feeling had been bad enough in Medbay, with whole chunks of time missing as Barricade floated in and out of consciousness. Hours, days, disappeared like nothing, leaving great gaping holes in his awareness that left him disoriented. It was reminiscent of his time drifting in and out of stasis lock back in that abandoned business park, but at the same time the experience was worlds apart.

This time he wasn't lost in a sea of his own agony. In fact, he couldn't feel his injuries at all, a testament to the work of skilled medics and proper equipment. His whole body was left comfortably numb, and with every awakening he found less and less errors pinging at him.

But even in the wake of being pain-free for the first time in over a year, his spark still ached.

Because this time there was no comforting touch of small hands to ground him as he faded in and out, and the familiar weight and warmth from his human was conspicuously absent.

But he knew Jodi was close by.

Because every time he came online he could see her lying there across the room, still as death and hooked up to a disturbing amount of machines for an organic creature. The slow rise and fall of her chest assured him that she was still alive. Sometimes he could overhear the medics talking about her amongst themselves, humans and Cybertronians alike, and occasionally he would catch snippets that actually made sense to him. Eventually he heard enough to piece some things together.

Her expectations of survival were minimal. Though they apparently tried something to repair it, she was most likely paralyzed from the waist down. She had been asleep for days now and she showed no signs of waking. From what he gathered there was a possibility that she never would.

The more he heard of her status the further he withdrew into himself, wrapping himself in a blanket of apathy. He ignored the emotions lingering just on the outskirts of his thoughts, ignored the abrasive scrape of failure and the bite of fear.

They were poison and he was determined to smother the storm within him that had started brewing the moment the girl had fallen into his life. Better to bury it, anyway.

Once he became fully aware and stable enough, two things happened. First, they relocated him to the brig. Then several different mechs came to talk to him.

Or they tried to, anyway.

The visits were spread out over the course of days, some of them giving some rather sappy attempts at 'befriending' him. But Barricade had nothing to say to them, and so he remained mute. Sometimes they would get frustrated and storm out, while others would fall silent themselves and quietly take their leave. The faces of his enquirers soon blurred together, voices and tones blending until they were indistinguishable from one another. Even Optimus Prime himself decided to grace him with his presence once, but Barricade couldn't remember a single thing that the mech had said to him.

Sometimes he wanted to ask about Jodi. But he disliked the thought of exposing his concern almost as much as he feared what their answer would be, and so he could never quite bring himself to ask.

It didn't matter to him anyway.

He gave up control of his situation the moment he submitted himself to Autobot custody and willingly handed his human over to his brother. He had entrusted her to a mech he had failed almost as spectacularly as he had failed her. Alive or dead, he had satisfied his dept as much as his situation had allowed, and it was highly unlikely that he could do any more.

He was no longer obligated to do anything else.

So here he was, left sitting cross-legged on the berth of his cell, his weapons stripped and deactivated, with nothing to distract him from his own thoughts and thinly veiled lies.

Barricade was pulled from his thoughts by the soft sound of the door down the hall sliding open. He listened to the oncoming footsteps, staring resolutely at the floor in front of his cell until familiar peds came to a stop right in his field of vision.

Barricade's optics drifted up to meet the gaze of his visitor. He held Prowl's even stare, careful to keep his expression impassive despite the sudden churning in his spark. He hadn't seen Prowl since that day on the beach, and if he was only just now coming to confront him then this didn't bode well.

"I have been told that you're being difficult. The others said you have refused to speak to anyone since they removed you from Medbay." The tone was flat, nothing more than a simple statement of fact. He paused for a moment as if waiting for Barricade to comment. When none came he continued. "Currently, there is a debate regarding what exactly they are going to do with you. I have been excluded from the final decision for obvious reasons. A few of the others have had several suggestions, of course, but surprisingly Ratchet has been a rather strong advocate in your defense."

Barricade resisted a snort, breaking visual contact with Prowl in favor of glaring at the wall.

He didn't want or need an advocate. He wasn't looking for redemption, or pardon. He wasn't going to justify anything to the Autobots, and he certainly wasn't looking to repent. He didn't care what they thought about him, or about any of the decisions he had made to get where he was. None of that mattered.

They could probably pass down the order to deactivate him and he couldn't even promise that he would fight them.

It didn't matter at this point. He didn't matter.

There was a long silence as Prowl studied him. There was once a time where the two of them could tell at a glance the other's emotional state, and Prowl, while usually blunt, had been very good at cutting to the heart of the matter.

"The girl is alive."

Apparently it was a skill he had retained.

Barricade twitched involuntarily at the news and met his brother's gaze once more.

Prowl gave a small nod, as if Barricade had just confirmed something by his attention alone.

"She awakened a few days ago and has been terrorizing the Medics ever since. According to Ratchet, she will make a full recovery, but it will take time." Prowl shook his head once. "She asks about you constantly, and has been adamant in her demands to see you. If Optimus doesn't grant her visiting rights soon I fear she might find her own way down here, injuries or no. Ratchet has his hands full by attempting to confine her to Medbay."

Good luck with that one, he thought ruefully, even as his spark warmed at the thought of her concern. Barricade could imagine what kind of hell Jodi had been raising, and he didn't envy anyone who tried to tell his little human what to do. Her stubbornness seemed to present itself at the most inopportune moments and given her previous displays of stupidity when it came to coming to his defense he was sure she was keeping them on their toes, if nothing else.

And he could only imagine the things that have been said to her in regards to him.

But apparently she was still siding with him. Despite being surrounded by those who could do more for her than he was capable of giving, who had saved her life. She was still standing by him.

That was something.

What exactly that something was he had no clue, but he tried not to dwell on it. When his spark gave a strange little pulse, he ignored it, shoving the feeling aside.

After several long moments of silence, Prowl brought him back to the present. "It was suggested that she should be returned to her remaining family."

As soon as the words hit his audios, Barricade sobered, fury blazing to life and consuming his vision.

He launched himself at the bars of his cell, electricity crackling dangerously at the sudden contact. The resistance made him press harder and he snarled. "If anyone returns her to that vile excuse for an organic, I swear to Primus I'll send them to the pit myself!"

His brother observed his reaction with a disgusting amount of calm. "Oh? And why is that?"

"Because that fleshbag would make a fine Decepticon in his own right!"

The shift in Prowl's expression was subtle, but it was something Barricade recognized. Something he suspected had just been confirmed, but still he pushed. "Elaborate."

Barricade didn't want to play this game. "According to you, Jodi is aware and fully capable of answering questions. Have her elaborate."

"She has proven rather stubborn on the matter." He could hear the frustration ringing in the other mech's voice, taunt and tightly controlled. "She'll confirm what I piece together on my own, but every time I request details she shuts down on me. This whole situation is complicated and less than desirable to begin with, but I am trying to do my best to assist you both. However, I cannot do that when both of you are being so irrationally obstinate!" Barricade watched as he paused to cycle his vents, forcibly reining his anger in. "You're the one who returned her in the first place, but you were also the one to retrieve her, so you must know something. Ratchet is somehow under the impression that you owed a life dept to the girl, but I find it difficult to believe that you would hold yourself to such a thing. Especially given your history."

Barricade bristled.

"Shut up," he hissed. "You have no idea what you're talking about." Of course Prowl would see it like that, it was what he had intended after all.

It was a cold comfort to know that it worked so well.

"Don't I?" Prowl countered, expression frosty and daring him to say otherwise.

Barricade knew he was remembering that day back on Cybertron, the memory lying between them like a festering wound. Remembering that their broken bond still burned them both. Even after all these vorns, there were moments still where his spark still ached to reach out and reconnect with its twin, desperate to mend what had been shattered.

He swallowed as much of his pride as he could muster and made an attempt to explain himself. It was pointless to apologize, it was a millennia too late for that anyway, but he could offer an explanation, as poor as it was. It was the least he could do.

Who knew if he would be given another opportunity.

"I had already pledged my allegiance to Lord Megatron. I had vowed to follow his orders."

"You had vows as an Enforcer." Prowl's words were diamond hard and just as sharp. "Or were those forgotten so easily?"

"By that point most of our brethren had joined the Decepticon ranks. If not me, then one of the others would have been the one to put a knife in your back when the orders came down."

"Better that you deactivate me yourself, is that it?"

"Yes." Barricade watched Prowl recoil, but continued before he could say anything. "If I recall, the puncture stopped just shy of your spark chamber. Did you think that was luck? Don't kid yourself." Another long stretch of silence held until Barricade broke it, words bitter and halting. "As for Jodi, I may have . . . misread the situation I returned her to."

"You misread the situation?" He could see the anger simmering just under Prowl's stony expression. Prowl's anger always did burn colder than Barricade's. He crowded closer to the bars, glaring at him optic to optic. "That would imply that you cared about the situation to begin with. Did you actually consider the potential situation that you were sending her back to, or did you just panic at the close proximity of your enemies and cut out at the first opportunity?"

Barricade did his best to rein in his temper. His own anger at his mistake still burned fiercely, pulsing sharply every time he was reminded. He should have been happy that Prowl was being this protective of his human, but it felt more like pouring acid over a fresh injury. He scowled at his brother. "If I knew that she was better off taking her chances against Decepticons I wouldn't have left her to begin with."

"So Ratchet was correct, then."

Barricade felt his anger bleed out at the soft edge Prowl's voice had taken. He stepped back from the bars and settled back on the berth. He buried his face in one hand and deflated completely. He ignored the comment for the time being.

His hand fell away then and he found his voice. "Don't you dare let them send her back. I don't care what it takes. Hate me all you want, you have that right, but don't you dare repeat my mistakes. Not on this."

Not with her.

Estranged as they were, Barricade locked optics with his brother, a hurricane of thoughts clouding his processor. He willed Prowl to understand.

He was never one to apologize for his decisions. Even when he had turned on Prowl, there had been a reason, a plan, and even though his spark still burned at the lost connection, it had been to protect him. And it had worked.

He couldn't say the same about Jodi. If he had reacted any slower to her scream, or hadn't bothered to come at all she would have been gone, murdered by her own flesh and blood. He almost lost her anyway.

He couldn't bear it if the Autobots, of all people, were the ones to deliver her back to her uncle's care. But it wasn't in his nature to beg, and he couldn't swallow his pride long enough to ask for help outright.

But his brother was nothing if not intelligent.

Prowl studied him long and hard. As the silence stretched he finally gave a curt nod. "I'll see what I can do."

Barricade bowed his head in silent gratitude.

oOoOo

Author's Note: Sweet mother of merciful Gods the sheer mount of emotional baggage built up between these two is enough to make my head explode, and I created the situation to begin with. Guys, these two were so difficult to write in this scene you have no idea! I scrapped this chapter at least three times before their conversation developed into something that I could work with. And this conversation needed to happen. The next chapter will come quicker I swear, Jodi's headspace is much easier to get into. Hope you guys liked it, and as always happy reading! -Shadow