Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense
Chapter 25: Magicians, Matchmaking, and of course, Marisa
The Forest of Magic, around Eight thirty Anti Meridian
Marisa flew through past countless trees, shrugging off the countless near-crashes she was experiencing, while Jean was thrusting his head away from each tree he saw.
Marisa shouted, "Hey, stop wriggling like that, or you'll cause this thing to tilt over onto one side..."
"You are... joking, am I correct?" Jean asked without a shred of confidence.
"No. So stop doing it! Soon we'll be in a clear part..." Marisa answered.
Jean sighed in relief, "Oh, that is good. So, where will we be at when we..."
The broom flew out from the forest, and, even though the risk of crashing into trees had now significantly decreased, the risk of drowning had increased, as they were now flying over the lake that led to the Scarlet Devil mansion.
"AH! Where are you taking me?" Jean was now clutching to Marisa in pure fear, "Je ne veux pas mourir!"
"Uh... what?" Marisa didn't understand the last of his outburst.
"Er... sorry, where are we going?" Jean asked in a false tone of calmness.
"To the Scarlet Devil Mansion! I need to show you all the strongest people in Gensokyo, so you know who to run from!" Marisa explained.
"But... but I shall be right next to them if you take me! I won't be able to run if they are dangerous!" Jean stated the obvious in case that didn't quite occur to the witch.
"Don't worry, I've beaten them all, they won't mess with you if you say you're with me..." Marisa reassured.
Eventually they reached the other side, and, after dismounting Marisa's broom, they walked up to the gates of the Scarlet Devil Mansion.
Hong Meiling, as expected was standing there. "Ah, Dawitsu, strange that you should be visiting again so soon... and why is that thieving witch with you?"
Marisa grinned, and decided she was going to simply pretend that Jean was Dawitsu to get into the mansion. "Yeah... Dawitsu's your friend or something, isn't he?" Marisa didn't quite understand why Meiling was acting so familiar with what she thought was the mimicker, but knew it would help her out.
Jean didn't get the idea of the trick, however, "Er... my name is Jean Franc, not... Dawitsu."
Hong Meiling was startled at this revelation, "B-but... that doesn't... huh? Well, in that case, can you go away? Patchouli's not in at the moment, so I absolutely can't let you just steal what you like!"
Marisa's face formed a devilish smile, "Ah... I see..."
Jean Franc stepped towards Meiling, and said, "What is your name? It is a pleasure to meet you..."
"...My name's Hong Meiling. I'm the gatekeeper of this mansion, and I keep the mistress safe from any danger whatsoever!" Hong Meiling posed in a combat position to prove she meant business, "Sorry, it's nothing personal, but you have to leave if you're with... her."
"Why? What is wrong with Miss Kirisame?" Jean asked.
"She's a thief! She stole all of the Coriander in the house last time she was over!"
"Hey, that wasn't me! I only steal returnable items... I wouldn't steal food..." Marisa denied.
"Anyway, for those reasons, you're not allowed in." Meiling folded her arms and stood upright, "That is all."
Meiling's confident pose left her all the more open. Marisa pulled out her mini-hakkero, and instantly unleashed a large laser of love at the unprepared Guard. Jean, who was only standing about two feet from her, stepped back even further and gasped in astonishment.
"Marisa! What are you doing?" Jean exasperatedly said.
"You want to see the mistress of this house, right?" Marisa asked, finishing off Meiling, who was slumped against the Mansion walls.
"...No, if I am to be honest..."
"Well, it's done now! Hope you're happy, Jean!" Marisa giggled after that particular wisecrack.
Jean failed to answer back, and Marisa walked through the open Mansion Gates, gesturing for Jean to follow. After doing so, Marisa rang the doorbell.
A fairy maid answered the door, "Hello, intruder with black and white clothes.."
"Goodbye." Marisa said, and instantly shot a bullet of green magic, dispatching the unfortunate fairy in a small explosion.
On noticing the fact the maid completely disappeared, Jean screamed in terror. Hyperventilating, he asked, "Did you... did you... sacrebleau..."
"No, I didn't kill it, if that's what you're worried about. Fairies always re-spawn after they die. It's just one of their little quirks..." Marisa tried to make herself sound like a non-sociopathic person.
"But... she has... she is... disparu..."
"She's fine, honestly... and she isn't... uh... disparu, or whatever you said..."
Marisa walked further into the mansion, and, out of having no outstanding powers, Jean forced himself to stay with the maniacal witch. After wandering the corridors aimlessly for a good ten minutes, Sakuya appeared in front of the two.
"Lost, are we?" Sakuya suddenly recognised the Frenchman from her brief encounter with him in Kourindou, "Oh, it's you! So, I see you're friends with Marisa. Well, I can't argue with you on those choices... they're the two most powerful beings in Gensokyo... or at least, that's what they say..."
Marisa held Jean's hand, "Hey! He isn't hanging with me just to stay safe! He likes me, don't you?" Marisa put on her best attempt at an adorable smile, and looked up to Jean, hoping he'd play along.
"I must admit, Marisa is good company compared to Miss Hakurei..." Jean decided to add a little more to Marisa's plan.
"Oh..." Sakuya folded her arms, and then asked, "Right, Marisa, what is the meaning of this? Are you here to steal books again?"
"No!" Marisa continued her 'friendship' shtick, "I'm here because I want to show my cool new friend to the Mistress of the Mansion!"
"Mm." Sakuya evaluated this statement. Perhaps if Remilia stayed with Marisa, then no books would be stolen...
Finally, Sakuya said, "Okay... she's in the basement with her sister. If you do anything suspicious, Marisa... both of them will know about it..."
Marisa shuddered, not quite sure if she could handle both Scarlet Sisters at once. The last time such an assault occurred, her house got destroyed. "...Okay... well, you're in luck, Jean! It seems you'll also get to see the crazy little sister, too!"
"The..." Jean's sense of fear seemed to override his ability to talk, "What do you mean?"
"Well, there's Remilia Scarlet, then there's Flandre Scarlet. Guess which is the younger sibling?"
"Uh..." Jean went for the least stable-sounding name, "...I imagine it is Flandre."
"Wow, you're good!" Marisa's face then turned sceptical, "Or was that just a lucky guess?"
Sakuya escorted the pair towards the basement door, and said, "Alright... Mister... Levoisier, was it? Anyway, I'd be careful around the younger sister. She's become a bit better, but if she offers to play with you... kindly let her down..."
Jean gulped. Marisa dragged the frightened Frenchman down the basement stairs, and finally stopped in both shock and adoration. The pair of child-like Vampires were fast asleep of Flandre's bed, and were both quiet as mice.
Marisa squealed slightly, "Ah, aren't they the cutest?"
"These are the most powerful ones in the house?"
"Of course... looks can deceive, you know..." Marisa mumbled, "Now, all I need is a Tengu camera, and I can take a picture of these two while they..."
Remilia instantly woke up as per her species, and responded instantly to the noise, "AH! Sakuya, what have I told you about..."
When she looked, however, Sakuya was not to be found. Marisa, and a particularly strange man were standing over her and her sister. Marisa calmly said, "Hi."
"Ah!" Remilia jumped out of Flandre's bed, and quickly worked herself into a rage, "How on earth did you get here? What is the meaning of this? Who's this human? You'd better not have taken any books..."
Marisa answered the questions respectively, "Sakuya took us here, I'm here to introduce you to this new guy, his name's Jean Franc, and no, I haven't taken any books."
The noise woke up Flandre, who was much slower to come round than Remilia. While she was, Remilia replied, "Why would I care if there was a new human here? I don't have time for this!"
"What is her name? Remilia, am I correct?" Jean asked Marisa, getting out the Grimoire of Dawitsu.
"Um... yeah." Marisa confirmed.
He opened the book up, and found the appropriate article. Upon browsing the personality section, he quickly shut it due to the obvious bias against her. Remilia, fortunately, didn't care about the book, and simply said, "Well, if you want to know about me, hear this... I am the thing all humans fear at night! I stalk for prey, feasting upon the blood of the innocent! If I were you, I'd run as far as possible..."
Marisa whispered to the quivering Jean, "Don't worry, she's bluffing, she barely eats enough blood to make a person anaemic..."
"That is easy for you to say! Now I know I am in a room with a VAMPIRE!"
Flandre rubbed her eyes, and looked around. Her eyes stopped once she recognised the newcomer. "Oh... who is this?"
Remilia snorted, "None of your business, Flandre! They're just leaving."
Flandre examined Jean further in an obvious, overt way, causing Jean to squirm a little under the inspection, "Are you... are you..." Flandre's voice raised in excitement, "Are you... a boy?"
Remilia sweat-dropped, "He's not a boy..."
"Sensei taught me about pro-nouns... he is only used for boys!" Flandre stood up from her bed and hugged Jean, who was now way beyond frightened to death.
Marisa began fearing the worst, "Uh... Flandre... get off him! You might break him!"
Flandre continued hugging, but relinquished a little grip. She excitedly said, "I can't believe that I'd get to see another boy! Will you ask me to marry you?"
Remilia's pale skin turned a life-like pink, "Flandre! Don't make a mockery out of yourself! Get off the boy at once!"
Flandre did as commanded, and Jean, exasperated, fell to his knees. Flandre asked her sister, "What's the problem?"
Remilia scowled, "The problem? Marriage is only for people who are in love! You don't even know him! Not to mention he's a human!"
Flandre hung her head in shame, "Sorry, Onee-sama..."
Marisa laughed to herself, and mocked, "Someone's desperate, aren't they?"
Remilia growled at the humiliation her insufferable sister had earned her, "Flandre's just... worked up, that's all..."
Flandre began to strop, "Oh, why won't Sensei just marry me? Then I wouldn't have to try and ask him to marry me..."
"Oh, great, now she wants to get married again! Just get out of my house..." Remilia pointed to the basement stairs.
Marisa tried to add a wisecrack, but Remilia reiterated in the form of a scream, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"Fine, fine, I'm going..." Marisa said, picking Jean from the floor, "Come on, Jean... let's leave..."
Jean followed Marisa towards the exit of the house, and once outside, quickly boarded Marisa's broom and left in case Meiling woke up as they were escaping.
After remaining silent due to the whole trauma, Jean finally asked, "Why did the demented sister want to marry me?"
"Who knows... she is crazy, after all."
"Are we going home now? I want to see Reimu again..." Jean didn't quite believe what he'd just said.
"No. I'm gonna take you to the next big boss..."
"There is more?"
"Yep, we're going to the Netherworld." Marisa said, totally unfazed by the idea.
"The... you mean... Vieilissemont..." Jean had never thought he would experience so many absurd situations in one day.
"Uh... sure... you know, the place where dead people go..."
Jean immediately threw up at the concept, fortunately to the side of Marisa. Marisa simply laughed it off, and said, "You'll have to be less squeamish if you wanna come out of Gensokyo in one piece. Hey, what kind of Danmaku are you going to protect yourself with?"
"Er... I wanted to be a magician, but Miss Hakurei... she is not approving."
"Oh, don't listen to her!" Marisa laughed with pride, "Being a magician is a noble career choice! The Youkai ones don't even need to eat! So, how are you gonna learn it?"
Jean thought for a moment. The young girl he was holding onto for dear life was most certainly a magician, so he thought to avoid conflict, he should just say he'd learn from her, so as not to imply he liked her competition any better.
"Er... would you be willing to teach me?"
Marisa suddenly stopped her broom, causing the pair to jolt forward. After a short pause, Marisa said, "You can let go now."
"Oh... I am sorry." Jean apologised, and did as he was told.
Marisa got off her broom, and turned to face Jean, "So... you want to learn magic from me, do you? Well, first, we'll need to get you the right equipment..."
Youkai Mountain, Hatate Himekaidou's house, about Quarter to Ten
Alice was relaxing in Hatate's house, waiting for the reporter to finish delivering her hastily printed gossip rags to the surrounding areas. Surely enough, after five minutes of working on her small effigy of Yutaka Hadekawa, the door opened, revealing none other than the inexperienced spoiler reporter.
"Like, hello there! Prepare for the customers... I mean... lovers to start rolling in!" Hatate triumphantly declared, "I even delivered to the creepy-looking Youkai in the flower fields..."
Alice smiled, "Excellent... wait, what do you mean by creepy?"
Hatate put her hands behind her head, "Oh yeah, there was one girl which I accidentally came across who really liked poison. Wouldn't stop talking about the stuff... and... well, who am I to turn down customers?"
Alice was fearing this Tengu may attract the wrong attention. But, truly enough, she waited to see if anyone would take up Alice's somewhat... overly generous offer. After waiting for half an hour, Hatate started typing up her next story.
Alice was staring over the shoulders of Hatate, reading the story as it was being typed. She spluttered in shock at noticing the headline.
"What is this? 'Yukari Yakumo's secret boyfriend?' Y-you can't write that!" Alice condemned the reporter.
"Who says? Besides, I have proof!" Hatate boasted.
"Like what?"
"Well, a Youkai with a Tokin was leaving Yukari's house, all thankful and whatnot... you wouldn't happen to know that guy's name, would you? Anyway, it's totally suspicious!" Hatate concluded, and then said, "Oh, the name doesn't matter, for I can deduce his name by mere journalistic skill... I'll call him... Frederick Tatum!"
Alice face-palmed, and knew exactly who it was that she'd caught. She also knew what she was writing was pure, unadulterated fabrication, but if she revealed that she knew his name and that it wasn't true, she'd just continue regardless, naming Dawitsu as well as printing libel about him.
"...Um... I don't think his name's Frederick Tatum."
Hatate pondered. She then said, "You're like, totally right! His name's got to be Taiyou Tencho! I don't know how I was so stupid before!"
Alice sighed, wondering what the point of this whole escapade was. The door knocked, and quickly reminded her. She stopped Hatate and answered the door herself.
At the door was a blonde-haired, plastic looking girl, reaching no higher than Alice's shoulders. She was wearing an outfit with a rather obvious red motif, and said, "I'm... uh... here about the front page issue of the newspaper that Tengu gave me..."
Alice couldn't quite believe it... someone had actually responded. "...So... do you want to see Alice Margatroid?"
"Yes, please. She seems like just the person for me... I never thought I'd find a grown Youkai who enjoy dolls as much as... I do..." Medicine Melancholy wistfully said.
Alice seemed a little uneasy. She'd got what she wanted, but now wasn't so sure. "Well... I guess I should say... I'm Alice."
Medicine's eyes attempted to widen, but seemed to be unmoving. "OH! You're just as beautiful as the article says you are!"
Hatate grinned with pride in the distance, typing as she did. The tengu called, "Like, I told you it would work! Why don't you two get all friendly, I'm gonna type up all about this strange affair. What should the pairing be called? Tenchumo? Yukayou? Taikari?"
Alice pinched her nose as if experiencing a migraine. She said to the Doll Youkai who was standing in front of her in awe, "Do you want to walk with me? I've got a splitting headache..."
"Sure... I'll tell you all about myself when we're outside..." Medicine said, but was interrupted by another person's arrival.
A certain woman wearing a long, black cloak and a face mask, as if to conceal her identity, muttered, "Uh... I'm here about meeting Alice Margatroid? I'm a magician, I'm sure we'll get along perfectly..."
Medicine turned feral in a microsecond, "I got here first, you'll have to wait your turn..."
Yet another potential suitor appeared, shoving both figures aside, knocking off the face mask of the mystery woman, revealing the face of Byakuren Hijiri. The new arrival was Suika Ibuki, who drunkenly blurted, "So, I hear there's a party at this... and..." before collapsing in front of the other two.
Byakuren blushed, and quickly put her mask back on, and said, "Please... can we just go on a date? I've never tried this sort of thing before..."
Medicine stamped her feet, "But I GOT HERE FIRST! Pick me, or I'll poison you! Hey, I may as well poison this girl here if she's going to come between us, right, Alice?"
Alice, who was silent in awe, spoke up to avoid conflict. "No! Alright... you can go first..."
Medicine giggled with glee, and jeered to the masked Byakuren, "Ha! Your cuteness quotient PALES in comparison to mine! Just for that, I'm going to kill you anyway!"
Alice and Byakuren instantly knew what to do, and took the initiative to blast the Doll Youkai to smithereens simultaneously.
Hatate stopped typing and turned to look at the situation, evaluated that there was no damage or addition of mess to the house, then continued typing. The smaller doll that was floating beside 'Medicine' spoke, in a shrill, high pitched voice, "Grrr... damn you! Do you know how long it takes to build a body like that? Weeks... months, even! You'll all pay for this... and, Alice... I'm absolutely NOT interested in dating you now!"
Alice calmly stated, "And I'm not interested in dating psychopaths. Shall we, Byakuren?"
The Magician removed her mask, "Sure... thanks for sticking up for me..."
The two walked out the house, while the doll frantically stammered, "H-hey! Help me pick up my body! Hey!"
Realising she wouldn't yield a response from Alice or Byakuren, she asked Hatate, "Uh... can you help me mend my body?"
Hatate grinned somewhat sadistically. She got out a device built by Nitori, something the Kappa called 'A cleaner that utilises air pressure to draw in undesirable matter'. After dragging the device to the area where the various fragments of Medicine's larger body were, she plugged it into a hole in her wall, labelled 'alternating electrical current supplication device', and flicked a switch beside it, causing the cleaner to make a loud noise.
The doll began to panic, "NO! What are you doing!" the Doll continued to watch in horror as each and every part of her larger body got sucked into the strange machine, Hatate smiling all the while, "No... no... NOOOOOOO!"
Hatate finished her cleaning, and gloated, "Like, there you are! All the bits are together for you! All you need to do is go in there and put them together in there..."
The Doll approached the end of the machine that sucked up her life in one fell swoop, and stared at it in fear.
Hatate slowly asked, "So... do you want to go and get them?"
The Doll folded her arms, "No! I'll just find a new body. Then I'll find you, and kill you, as soon as I do! Then I'll use your newspaper to tell the world of it's impending doom by Medicine Melancholy! Ah ha ha..."
However, her villainous monologue was soon stopped by the sound of the Vacuum Cleaner reactivating. She didn't have enough time to scream as she joined her body parts, and got sucked into Hatate's home cleaner.
Hatate laughed, "Like, I think that should be the next article! 'Ace Reporter vanquishes Sadistic Doll Youkai'... it's inspired! Ha! Miss Margatroid is going to give me so much gossip!"
And so, just like that, Hatate had two stories to work on, all within a single morning. It certainly seemed like Alice Margatroid was some kind of lucky charm, drawing scoops to her one by one. Now, all Hatate had to do was spice the stories up... perhaps add a fake witness account of Yukari, make it seem as if she fought Medicine single-handedly... Hatate knew that 'extensions of the truth' were what sold papers, or at least, that's what it seemed from her experience of Aya's success.
Author's Notes: And like that, Hatate has ROSE TO FAME!
Sorry, I'm all euphoric, because, not only have I finished a chapter, but MY FUTURE IS INTACT! I've recently got a conditional offer from a university...
HAPPY, HAPPY OH SO HAPPY!
Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Any insight into my writing state will have to wait, I'm just TOO MANIC!
BWAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry, me, me, all about me. In terms of Monsieur Levoisier, I do believe he's going to be what Marisa was to Mima... to Marisa. If that makes sense. Eh heh heh.